


Circles Pt. 1

by cicisears



Series: CQL SocMed College Alternate Universe [1]
Category: MDZS, cql, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Academic Fraud (Please Do Not Commit), Alcohol, Alternate Universe, And More Social Media, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, Bisexual Jin Ling, But Also Pretty Much Everyone Is Gay, But Not Many Typos, Car Accident Referenced, Chaos, Chaotic Babies Jingyi and Zizhen, Closeted Gays Working Through It, College, Corresponding Spotify Playlist, Ends on a Cliff Hanger, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Hacking, Homophobia, Homophobic Lan Qiren, Huaixuan, Hurt/Comfort, Junior Quartet; do not leave Zizhen out of this I swear--, Lots of Food, M/M, Massive World Building, Multi, Mutual Pining, One Big Universe (this is just part one), Plot Twists, Poly Relationships, Rare Pairings, Slow Burn, Social Media, Swearing, Typos!, WangXian, Zizhuiyi, bc they are well fed babies, bed sharing, campus life, come for the wangxian but stay for the huaixuan, gay sleuthing, i used "clan leader" instead of "sect leader" but i noticed a literal year later im so sorry, jingYEET World Domination, lesbians running a cafe, mentions of abuse, parent death mentioned, possibly nsfw, time stamps should be ignored, wen chao trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 141
Words: 173,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29849199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cicisears/pseuds/cicisears
Summary: Mo XuanYu jokingly posts a summoning circle tweet for his personal hometown bully bullier from his childhood, unbeknownst to him- Wei Wuxian searches his name like clockwork every month and finds the tweet. He just so happens to be moving there....Wei Wuxian hasn't been around his friends in quite a while but it doesn't take long for him to get swept up in their every day chaos, while creating his own... by committing academic fraud and "enrolling" in University of Cloud Recesses. Follow the mess that is his and his friends lives as they navigate the world and fall in love.
Relationships: Jīn Zǐxuān/Niè Huáisāng, Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi/Ouyang Zizhen, Lan Sizhui/Lan Jingyi/Ouyang Zizhen/Jin Ling, Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian, Lan XiChen/Jin GuangYao, Lan Xichen/nie Mingjue, Lan Zhan/Wei Ying, Nie MingJue/Jin GuangYao, Wen Ning/Jiang Cheng, Wen Qing/Jiang Yanli
Series: CQL SocMed College Alternate Universe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208516
Comments: 26
Kudos: 35





	1. Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted and completed on Twitter: https://twitter.com/yuchensears/status/1211104240678113281
> 
> Corresponding Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2CFrRN91SzXLOgvEKitfMP?si=94b594922ff44d3b

This AU is "Modern" in terms of technology and such, but the characters look and dress exactly as they do in The Untamed

There is a considerable amount of social media posts so important things to note throughout the au:  
-timestamps on twitter and IG should be ignored  
-tweets on the timeline should be read from the bottom to top, but top to bottom for comments, like it would be on twitter  
-I have made my own Jin Ling by merging many faces, but in this specific work, pictures will be the same Jin Ling that you see on screen in CQL (I will still post a picture of him when I made it in the original story-- it will be used in the future)

This was NOT supposed to be as long as it turned out, so the au kind of starts in one direction and then just takes off.

**PROFILES 1: Yunmeng Trio**

**PROFILES 2: Twin Jades**

**PROFILES 3: Junior Quartet**

****

**PROFILES 4: Wens; Good and Bad**

****

**PROFILES 5: Some Good Beans**

**PROFILES 6: Some Bad Beans**

****

**PROFILES 7: Some Extra Beans for Good Measure**

****

** PROFILES 8: Professors  **

Established Friend Groups:  
-JC, Yanli, WWX, Wen Ning, Wen Qing, NHS, Jin Zixuan  
-JGY, Wen Chao, Xue Yang, Jin Zixun, Wang Lingjiao  
-LWJ, LXC, Song Lan, XXC, Mianmian  
-Junior Quartet 

It’s out in the universe and MENG YAO and co are trash

Xue Yang's not an idiot

Mo Xuanyu has taste and Meng Yao’s “insult” backfired

Mo Xuanyu is tired but confident in the looks he's serving

Lies about earwax 

_A Week Later  
_ WWX & JC intro   
**[A/N i will never use whatsapp after this]**

****

JC is tired

WWX big head

Wen Qing thinks WWX is Xuanyu

Anything stupidly high school these guys could do that you can imagine- they’ve done it.

MXY while WWX is ready to save the day

_Next Day_   
BABY BOY XUANYU

Complete the mutual

*clears throat*

Mo Xuanyu exit stage right

Wei Wuxian enter stage left

Nie Huaisang is behind

Despite being upset that he has to continue living with his older brother, Nie Huaisang welcomes Wuxian warmly with the rest of their childhood friends. How could he not? It was like they had been together for the last year, and not a day was missed. But that wasn’t the case.

It’d been a _long_ time since they’ve all been together like this.

And when Wuxian mentioned his crazy plan to enroll at UCR without actually enrolling?

Huaisang and Wen Ning were thrilled to be a part of Wuxian’s antics again. _Especially_ when it was sure to backfire on him. Wuxian was charming; they knew he would find a way to talk his way out of anything.

Jiang Cheng does not endorse this

Guangyao fella

mean!

Spoiler: WWX takes a dance class

NHS o_o

“jc’s brother”

  


“classmate”

oomfies,,,

frozen solid 

GOOD WANGXIAN MORNING EVERYONE

we don’t speak of this

Wuxian’s class schedule

please do not sit next to me

which lan?

Xichen first appearance :o

Nie Mingjue drinks mimosas

Yanli hard at work!

meanwhile, Wen Qing...

elmers glue

Jiang Cheng was surprised to see Wuxian up bright and early, dressed, bag packed, and eating a bowl of cereal. “So you’re really going through with this?”

“Of course I am!” Wuxian kicked his feet excitedly. “I’m excited! And look at these cool pens!” Wuxian shook the contents of his bag before locating the pens. 

“And this is just to piss off Guangyao,” JC shuffled around the kitchen. “I really don’t understand…”

“I have been summoned to go against this wack ass roommate!”

“You weren’t summoned, and they aren’t roommates anymore,” JC points out.

Wuxian pouted, “I was summoned.”

Wuxian did want to meet this Guangyao guy anyways, but he had nothing better to do to pass time than sneak into classes. Sure, he was going to start working part time at Lotus Root until he could find something more permanent, but he might as well do something mildly productive and fun in the meantime. 

The original plan was to get out of Yunmeng and move in with JC, working full time at Lotus Root. Lotus Root only had two full time staff members: Wen Qing and Yanli, but both agreed that with the café growing, they could afford a third full time staff member that could help their business grow. After all, Wuxian had originally gone to school for Marketing Communications and Business. And he was good at it and still made time for some fun science courses here and there. 

Wuxian got into a bit of trouble for a moment though which led to a long-term slump after all was said and done. He ended up withdrawing from his college and either stayed home to sleep or went out to drink. Neither Jiang Fengmian or Yu Ziyuan could get him to do anything besides this new routine he fell into, no matter how much encouragement or yelling they threw at him. 

It wasn’t until Wen Qing had shown up one day. They talked for a long time and worked out some different ideas for him to pursue old, or new interests. “Why,” Wuxian had asked.

“Sometimes we need a big change to start to feel like ourselves again,” to which Wuxian remained silent. “Or sometimes to find ourselves.”

So while Wuxian did not anticipate doing anything with school for long, he was interested in looking into the classes. He was interested in seeing a different campus. He was interested in seeing what university life was like for some of his old friends and family these past few years. Besides, it seemed like a fun thing to do. It seemed like something he would’ve done. 

So the plan has been temporarily altered. And that’s okay.

“So what will you do when the professors don’t have you on their attendance log,” Jiang Cheng sat in front of him.

“I don’t know! But I’ll think of something,” Wuxian smiled.

yeehaw

0_0 

watch me thrive 

you know the video... 

meng yao spotted 

“Okay, let’s-” Professor Lan Xichen was interrupted.

“Professor! Professor,” Wuxian raised his hand. “You didn’t call my name!

“Oh,” Xichen turned back to his attendance list. He was clearly surprised to have missed someone’s name. Especially if a new student was recently added on. “What’s your name,” he asked, searching down the list for anyone unmarked.

Slowly the class turned to face him.

“Wei Wuxian!” Wuxian smiled brightly, looking back confidently. 

“Hm,” Xichen clicked a few times. “I don’t see any additions. And you went through Admissions already?”

“I did,” he feigned being nervous, his eyes going wide, a pout starting to take place on his face. “Nothing came through? My name isn’t there?”

Xichen, sensing his change in tone and noticing the eyes turned towards the new student, smiled and turned the attention back to himself. “No worries! We can catch up after class and see what happened.”

Wuxian smirked and winked at Zixuan who rolled his eyes and shared a look with Jiang Cheng.

In normal nature, Wuxian was not quiet during class. He questioned every thought another student had. He stopped anyone who referenced something, whether an ideology or not, and made them explain it. He interrupted this one student, a serious guy in white, about three times before he annoyed him enough for him to shoot him a glare. 

It wasn’t Wuxian’s fault! He was behind by three weeks after all. Confusion was inevitable.


	2. Queer Lit Professor, Lan Wangji

“Wei Wuxian,” Xichen called gently before Wuxian had a chance to slip out. He still tried. But that guy in white and an immaculate posture stood before the door, his back blocking the exit. “Wuxian?”

“Yes,” he spun on his heel. “Professor Lan!”

Xichen dipped his head, “Let’s talk for just a moment. I’d like to make sure we can get you caught up, as well as work within the system to make sure your name is appearing for Admissions, if not for me.”

“Oh, I can stop by the Admissions office today and speak with them,” Wuxian fibbed happily. “I’m sorry about being a few weeks behind. There was an issue with my coming to campus at the start of the semester,” he frowned. “We weren’t sure everything would sort itself out. I figured y’know, why not try!”

“Of course,” Xichen nodded. Wuxian quickly started to realize how gentle this man was. He admired something about him, but he wasn’t quite sure what it was. But his aura was warm, and that was always a good sign. 

“I actually know a couple people who are in this class,” Wuxian started, tapping the notebook in his hand. “I can always look at their notes!”

“That would be a good start,” Xichen agreed. “However, I am worried that it may still be difficult. We have a response paper due at the start of every class, from the previous class discussion and the assigned reading. I will still need to grade these.”

“Oh…” Wuxian bit the inside of his cheek, thinking. “Would they be curved?”

“Of course! I would curve the response due to your absence for that class. I’d like to come up with a schedule for you, if that’s alright. Do you have a few more minutes?”

“I have a class in 45 minutes,” he shrugged. 

“This should only take a second,” Xichen reached into a bag. “Good thing I always have one on hand,” he smiled holding out a syllabus. Wuxian took it to flip through. “Inside is a template for the response papers specifically. Since there will be many, I do ask that they get turned in online, however if you’re not in the class enrollment due to some glitch that won’t be possible. For now let’s have you email them to me. They have to be in before the end of the class the day they’re due. Any larger papers we will discuss in detail in class, so no need to worry about those now. On the course page I have online articles, images, clips, and films linked. Some of those have been missed already. I would ask your friends for access to the course page until we get you up and running. And did you get the book requirements from Admissions when you enrolled?”

Silence. Wuxian was starting to feel overwhelmed. He went from doing nothing every day to drowning in assignments from one (1) class. “Ah…”

Wuxian tried to keep face but Xichen could sense the underlying panic. “That’s okay,” he smiled, reaching into his bag. “I have about three of these,” he handed Wuxian the thick book. “I don’t want to have you fall farther behind, so don’t worry about ordering one.”

“So, uhm,” Wuxian flipped through the book cautiously. “How should I catch up on assignments? Should I do one old assignment with each new assignment?”

“If you’d like to start that way, feel free,” Xichen agreed. “If you find it’s too overwhelming, within the course or on top of your other courses, please feel free to submit them as you can complete them. As long as they’re in before the midterm paper. If they aren’t, and midterms come about, then we’ll talk then, okay?”

Wuxian had until midterms. That felt better. He could catch up with this class by then. He liked the idea of the topic so he felt a little more confident. “Okay, sure,” he nodded. 

“My office hours are listed in the syllabus, but please reach out if you need anything at all.”

“Thank you, Professor Lan!”

“Don’t forget to talk to Admissions,” Xichen called out as Wuxian backed out of the classroom.

“Sure thing,” Wuxian called back, rounding the corner and straight into the student he had annoyed. “My bad,” he bent to pick the syllabus that slipped to the floor. 

He said nothing to Wuxian. 

“I’m Wei Wuxian,” he held out his hand. 

No response. 

“Right…” Wuxian rocked back onto his heels. “Sorry if I spoke too much in there! I’m new y’know, so I’m farther back than everyon-”

“Raise your hand.”

“I’m sorry?” Wuxian was thrown off. By the response and his voice. He still sounded annoyed. Angry even. 

“You are supposed to raise your hand,” the guy looked down at him finally. “In class.”

“Ah,” Wuxian raised his eyebrows. “Yes, I suppose that is true. But do you really if it’s a class discussion?”

“... Of course.”

“Well I don’t really see why,” Wuxian shrugged. “We’re having a discussion. Do we raise our hands when we’re talking during lunch?”

No response.

Wuxian glanced at the light sky headband with an intricately designed cloud at its center. Lan Clan. “Of course you don’t talk,” he scoffed. “Hey, out of curiosity though, suppose you thought of something you really wanted to say while you were eating. Like say someone is talking about something that really bothers you and you just feel this annoyance bubbling in your chest,” at this point Wuxian started becoming more and more expressive and acting out the feelings he was describing. “And you think,” he gasped, “I really hate this guy. I really do. I need to tell him _right now_ that blah blah blah,” Wuxian slumped his shoulders. “Whatever,” he waved his hand. “Do you really just not say anything? Because I can’t really not say anything if it’s bothering me so badly.”

No response.

Wuxian huffed, “Fine, that’s fine, you don’t need to answer. Oh hey! Are you demonstrating how you ignore them? That’s clever. Nice-- hey what’s your name?”

No response. 

“No name?”

“Sorry Wangji,” Xichen walked out of the classroom. “Oh-”

Wangji turned and began walking away. 

Xichen hummed in thought, starting to follow, “Have a good day, Wuxian!”

he said that with his whole chest 

the tl is talking 

zixuan,,, sweetie use your words 

tag yourself, i’m the last user  :S

what was hi s name... 

  


WAIT. 

stream lie bing! 

whos talking about wangji 

Queer Lit Professor, Lan Wangji 

:D 

who tf was that new guy 

Frankly, Wuxian was not prepared for a professor like Lan Wangji. But he didn’t realize that yet. At least, he didn’t realize when he first walked in and watched as Wangji’s face hardened while another student was still talking to him.

Wuxian was stopped from walking further into the room to sit down. “Excuse me, _Professor_ ,” he tried to move by. Wangji was unmoving. 

“You are not in this class.”

“Contrary,” Wuxian smirked, “I am.”

“You are not allowed to take this course if you are not in the system.”

“I will be talking to Admissions after today,” Wuxian held up his hand to swear on it. Wangji was unmoving. Wuxian whined and pouted, “Don’t make me fall farther behind. This isn’t my fault!” Unmoving. “Just today?” Unmoving. “Can I at least get the syllabus?” Unmoving. “A limited vocabulary I see…” 

Wangji clenched his jaw. Wuxian noticed and smirked. “Ah,” he nodded. “I’ll get that required paperwork _printed_ for you then.” Unmoving. Both of them. “Fine, fine,” he backed up with a smile. But I’ll be back. 

Wangji rolled his eyes after he had left.

are we surprised 

HOMOPHOBIC I MIGHT SAY 

HOMOPHOBIC. 


	3. Academic Fraud pt. 1

“Stop saying there’s a glitch, you’re the glitch,” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes so hard it gave Zizhen a headache from just watching from across the café. 

“You don’t even go here,” Zixuan took a sip from the small cup in his hands. “Yanli,” he said in a lowered voice. “This is a lovely blend.”

junior quartet everyone,,, 

“Wen Ning,” Wuxian leaned forward. “Can you get me Admissions paperwork? That way I have something to show.”

“And the student email,” Jiang Cheng asked.

“Hm,” Wuxian looked at Nie Huaisang.

Huaisang fluttered his fan faster, “Don’t look at me. I don’t know how to help with that.”

“I assumed you would have an in with your brother.”

“He’s a professor,” Jiang Cheng sighed, “He doesn’t generate the emails.” 

“...Would they notice if it said .e-d-v instead of .e-d-u?”

“Of course they would, and that’s also not how it works anyways,” Zixuan frowned. “Is anyone hearing this idiot, jeez.”

I'M HEARING THIS IDIOT 

“Oh,” Wuxian sat up. “Does anyone know how to hack into-”

“I DO,” Jingyi stood from several tables away. 

Jin Ling slid down in his seat, “Sit down, Jingyi, _sit down_.”

Zizhen laughed behind his hand.

“YOU DO,” Wuxian called excitedly. “Come here, come here,” he waved him over, sliding two tables together. 

Jingyi, as he would say, yeeted himself across the tables excitedly. 

“What is happening,” Zixuan looked at Jiang Cheng, Wen Ning, and Nie Huaisang.

“Academic fraud I think,” Wen Ning replied.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Wen Qing muttered as she wiped the front counter. Yanli nodded in agreement. They weren’t going to stop him (because who could anyways), but they would have no hand in it. 

“You can’t possibly hack the university’s database system,” Jiang Cheng spoke up.

Jingyi scoffed. “I sure can,” he announced. “I could wipe out all of your debt.”

“So do it,” Zixuan challenged. 

“...”

“He can’t,” Zizhen plopped down behind him. “But he can get into the system. He had to change my email because they wrote ‘[ Outang_z@ucr.edu ](mailto:Outang_z@ucr.edu)’ instead of Ouyang,” he rolled his eyes.

“I think it’s generated off the forms you fill out,” Nie Huaisang said quietly to Jiang Cheng. “Isn’t it?”

“He didn’t say he was bright,” Jin Ling responded, to which Zizhen pushed him. 

“Okay, but that was an existing file you worked off of,” Jiang Cheng pointed out.

“I like a challenge,” Jingyi grinned.

“Don’t do that, you look like a gremlin,” Zixuan said.

“Leave the gremlin be,” Wuxian rolled his eyes. “So, gremlin-”

“Jingyi-”

“Whatever,” Wuxian leaned forward. “How fast can you do this?”

“How fast do you need this done by,” Jingyi asked.

“Could you do it by Wednesday morning?”

“No,” Sizhui replied, “He has an Economics quiz Wednesday that he needs to prepare for tomorrow.”

Jingyi rolled his eyes, “I can do both-”

“You suck at Economics,” Jin Ling pointed out. 

“I resent you.”

“Why do you need it by Wednesday,” Zizhen asked. “Not that I care, but I want to know.”

“I think that means you care,” Wuxian thought. “I appreciate your nosiness. I need it by Wednesday so I can get into Queer Lit.”

“Why aren’t you actually enrolled,” Jin Ling asked. “Are you broke or something?”

“Of course he’s broke,” Sizhui replied. Wuxian didn’t like how fast he was to answer. He wasn’t wrong, but he didn’t like it. Maybe he didn’t like him. “But that shouldn’t stop them from letting him get an education.” No… No, maybe Wuxian did like this kid. 

“An education in queers,” Zizhen added. “I respect that.”

“Thank you,” Wuxian bowed his head. 

“Well,” Jingyi leaned back. “It might take me awhile to bypass the security again, but I should be able to make you an account and set up the email. You’ll have to be checked as an inactive student while I figure out the rest...”

“Oh my god,” Zixuan muttered. 

“What do you need from me,” Wuxian asked. 

“Everything when you fill out the proper paperwork for enrollment to the school. Get those filled out so I have the necessary information. That’ll help a bit once I’m in. But,” Jingyi leaned back. 

“It’s not gonna work,” Huaisang whispered to Jiang Cheng. 

“I’ll have to do it when I’m sure I can create your file without anyone noticing it. Which means I do essentially have to clear your nonexistent debt,” Jingyi mumbled to himself. “Maybe I can create a fake-” his voice trailed off as he talked to himself. 

The rest of the guys excused themselves from the plan except for Wen Ning. They really didn’t want to know the details. With Wuxian’s luck he would get caught, and with their luck in knowing him, they would get questioned. 

“Does he do this normally,” Wuxian asked the juniors quietly. “Talk to himself, I mean.”

“Only if it requires breaking the law,” Jin Ling replied. 

“Makes sense,” Wuxian nodded.

“Well,” Jingyi finally looked up. “I can do my best to get you into the system, but I can’t guarantee it’ll be by tomorrow night, not if we want to reduce the risk of your file getting flagged for anything. Here,” he passed his phone over. “I’ll text you when I need you.”

“Solid,” Wuxian smirked. “So who are you guys?”

jingyi dumb 

[reminder to read any tweets on a tl in order from the bottom to the top!] 

WWX is a real life example 

  


WWX -> LJY 

jingyi n zizhen raising a kid 

  


jealous sizhui is jealous 

do u wanna be my son 

youre_not_my_dad.mp3 

Xichen's phone 

jingyi jingyi jingyi 

monday is looking bright 

and yet 

“Well I disagree,” Wuxian replied to Wangji from a row back. Wangji clenched his jaw but refused to look back like the other students in his row. “I think the intent plays a part yes, but the perception of it, even more so. The way you perceive something is probably entirely different from how I process the same thing. We’re going to get two entirely different outcomes. That transforms the piece entirely.”

Wangji slowly started to lift his hand, Xichen nodding at him to continue. “Just because we have a different experience with it, does not detract from the initial intent and purpose. The artist had a-”

Wuxian laughed, “I’m not disagreeing with that statement. I’m disagreeing that the piece only has _one_ message, _one_ purpose _, one_ experience to take away.”

Wangji made eye contact with his brother again for approval before he spoke again. “You continue to misunderstand what I am saying. It does not have a sole message, no. It depends on the one viewing it. But despite the feeling it invokes in _you_ , does not mean that is what-”

“But who are we to invalidate the meaning of-”

“This is going to go on forever, can you say something,” Jiang Cheng whispered to Zixuan.

“Why me,” Zixuan replied. “Why can’t Huaisang?”

“I don’t know what’s going on, ask Wen Ning,” Huaisang slouched, probably about to fall asleep.

“Professor,” Wen Ning finally interrupted the two.

“Yes, Wen Ning?”

“Zixuan wants to speak,” Wen Ning smiled.

Zixuan glared before looking forward. “I agree that the initial message the creator wanted to portray is the most important. However, I also agree that there can be just as much as a deeper meaning and understanding to the piece through the lens of the viewer.”

“All perceptions of a piece, make it what it is, in its entirety,” Huaisang mumbled, bored. He glanced around at the eyes, “I… I would guess?”

“You could say it potentially never stops gaining meaning,” Wuxian nodded. 

“These are great comments everyone,” Xichen leaned against the front desk and crossed his arms.

xichen 

  


“Now,” Xichen continued. “With this particular piece,” he motioned towards the projector. “How would your opinion of it change if-”

pay attention in class wwx istg 

  


freshmen 

Wuxian walked right by the “no food” sign in the library and straight to Lan Jingyi who sat on the floor with one of the library laptops. 

He kind of looked like a wreck. Wuxian felt a bit bad as he sat beside him and pushed a box of chicken fingers towards him. “Eat.”

“I want to finish this,” he mumbled. 

“You will,” Wuxian smiled. “But eat. Can’t make fake organizations if you don’t consume brain food,” he waved a chicken finger in front of him. 

Wuxian cleared the food wrappers and empty cups around the hardworking freshman. “Question,” Jingyi spoke up. “One, can you plug in my phone, I have the laptop connected to my hotspot so the activity isn’t tracked. Two, do you think I could put this on my resume?”

“Uh,” Wuxian plugged in the phone. “Not unless you’re applying for a jail cell.”

“Hm,” Jingyi chewed. “I’m actually getting a lot better at this but I don’t know how to say how I’ve acquired this applicable knowledge…”

“In academic fraud…”

“In… computers....” Jingyi had a sip of soda, still typing away.

“Ah. Hm… I’m sure we can word it in some way that’s useful.”

“Well if not,” Jingyi shrugged. “At least I know I’m as good as I say,” he smirked. “Then maybe I can charge people for little jobs here and there. Because if I can do all of this. Then I can probably jailbreak a phone or change someone's grade to an A with ease.”

“The tricky part,” he poked the screen, “With yours, is getting the funds to be zero without giving a false sense of income to the university.”

“Ah so the fake organization might not work.”

“No it probably won’t. But I’m going to have it on standby in case I can’t figure it out,” Jingyi cracked his neck.

“Or I can just risk it.”

“Me doing this free of charge buys your silence in my involvement if you get caught, right?”

“Sure,” Wuxian patted his back. 

Jingyi wasn’t reassured at all.

mianmian

  


“Are my eyes deceiving me,” Mianmian laughed walking into the room. “Wei Wuxian,” she hugged the bouncy boy. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m in this class!”

“Add/drop passed,” Mianmian pointed out. “But I won’t question it.”

Wuxian smiled wide knowing his old friend would not be pushing him for his official enrollment papers. “Are the assignments uploaded online?”

“They are,” Mianmian confirmed.

“My assignment portal is… down,” he lied. 

“Email them for now,” she waived the issue. 

“And past assignments?”

“I’ll get them to you,” she shrugged. “If you can get them done, great. If not that’s fine. I have a feeling you’ll find them interesting enough to complete. Wei Wuxian,” she repeated quietly with a small smile. “I can’t believe you’re here. We should catch up!”

“We should, like how you became a professor,” Wuxian laughed. “Professor Mianmian,” he smirked. 

“ _Adjunct_ , and they don’t call me Mianmian,” she shook her head, amused. “I’m only teaching this class because the other adjunct professor in the department turned it down. Professor Chang is on leave, so,” she shrugged. “I’ve graduated so I don’t mind picking it up, but I understand why Lan Wangji turned it down.”

“ _Lan Wangji_?”

“Yeah, do you know him?”

“Oh, I know him,” Wuxian smirked.

“Does he hate you already,” Mianmian inquired. 

“I-”


	4. Academic Fraud pt. 2

more naps for jingyi! 

“Have you slept at all,” Wuxian asked Jingyi who had his head on Sizhui’s thigh, laptop in his own lap. Wuxian had no idea how Jingyi could understand anything that was on his computer screen right now. 

“Barely,” Sizhui answered for him, closing his textbook gently. “He just napped between Digital Design, and getting his Marketing homework done early, and another before he started working on this again.”

“Hm,” Wuxian folded his legs and sat before them, munching on some pretzels. “Jingyi you really don’t need to do this anymore. I don’t want you to get into trouble anyway.”

“That won’t be an issue, I’m covering my ass,” he muttered. “I just can’t get these numbers to balance without it throwing it off elsewhere.”

“If he gives you a scholarship, the money would still have to come from somewhere,” Sizhui spoke up. 

“I guess I could try and give you a full ride from the school itself,” he said. “How do those work,” he mumbled more to himself than anyone else as he opened a web browser. “You don’t live on campus right?”

“No.”

“Okay good,” some clicking. “Athletics?”

“No,” Wuxian scoffed.

“Music?”

Wuxian paused, “I used to.”

“You’ll need to pick it up again. You’ve gone to school elsewhere before?”

“I have.”

“I need all of those official files as soon as you can get them to me,” Jingyi hummed to himself. 

Wuxian pulled out his laptop to see if he had them saved digitally when he last requested them per Jiang Fengmian’s request. 

They were so focused they hadn’t noticed someone walking over to them. Sizhui was the first to notice. He pushed Jingyi until he got his attention. Jingyi immediately sat up straight, slamming the laptop shut. They both bowed their heads. 

A throat was cleared. 

Wuxian turned around, closing his laptop. He smirked. “Wangji.”

“No food in the library,” Wangji said. 

“Why does it matter to you?”

“He works here,” Sizhui whispered. “Sorry Hanguang-Jun,” he apologized for Wuxian. 

“This is your third warning, Jingyi.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he started gathering the evidence of his snacking and shoved them into his bag. “I’ll make sure there’s no crumbs before I leave, I promise.”

Wangji walked away. Wuxian watched him make his way back to the front desk. He must’ve just started his shift otherwise Wuxian would have noticed him. 

Wangji was careful in the way he walked. He walked straight, and a bit rigid but somehow it was graceful in the way that he carried himself. If you weren’t looking, you would assume he walked with arrogance, but Wuxian did not think that was the case. “Hm,” Wuxian pushed himself to a stand.

“Where are you going,” Sizhui whispered. “Wei Wuxian,” he tried to call him back.

Wuxian stood in front of Wangji and smiled. Wangji did not look up. “Wangji,” he said. No response. “Oh don’t be like this.” No response. “ _Wangji_ ,” he leaned forward. “I just wanted to ask you a question about Queer Lit.”

Absolute silence. “It’s a real question!” No response. “You’ll have to answer once Admissions fixes my schedule! They’re working on it as we _speak_ .” No response. “Wang _ji_ ,” he whined. “Lan Wangji.”

Wangji opened his laptop. Wuxian closed it. “Hanguang-Jun.”

Wangji kept his eyes on the hand that closed his laptop before he stood to find a different task on the cart behind him. “Lan Zhan.” Wangji turned and looked straight at Wuxian’s smiling face. “Oh don’t look at me like that,” he leaned against the counter. “Call me Wei Ying back if you want,” he shrugged.

“What do you want?”

“You,” Wuxian joked. Wangji’s ears turned red so fast Wuxian couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m just kidding, _Hanguang-Jun_.”

“Get out.”

“You don’t own the library, you can’t kick me out.”

Wangji glared.

late on day 1

2 cups of tea 

hmm

[#jingYEETgalaxybrain](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETgalaxybrain?src=hashtag_click) [#jingYEETfirstwin](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETfirstwin?src=hashtag_click)

trending— jingYEET [#jingYEETgalaxybrain](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETgalaxybrain?src=hashtag_click) [#jingYEETfirstwin](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETfirstwin?src=hashtag_click)

all of us knowing that jingyi pulled through in less than a week

what's a jingYEET?

bad news for lan wangji

Lan Wangji sighed to himself.

Xichen looked up from the piano. “Is something wrong, Wangji?”

“No,” he closed Twitter. “We should head to class.”

taking bets

jingyi: [rest]

  



	5. Not Quite What He Expected

Wuxian sauntered into Wangji’s class like he was the true professor. 

“What are you doing,” Wangji’s voice was thick with annoyance.

“I’m in the class! Really,” Wuxian placed his things down on a seat in the front. “I can show you the course page.” He pulled out his laptop, the course already opened. “Look! They fixed it.”

Wangji leaned down to see if it was really the page. To his dismay, it was. He inhaled slowly, centering himself as best as he could. Wuxian smirked as Wangji straightened his back to look at him in the eye. “You have a lot of reading to catch up on.”

“I know,” he closed the laptop. “I already read the syllabus and bought the books _first thing_ when the bookstore opened. That’s why I was late to your brother’s class by a few minutes,” he lowered his voice as if it was a secret. “When should I get the past written responses uploaded for you?”

“The end of the week.” Wangji knew it was unfair to give such a time frame especially with Wuxian now being a month behind in his class, especially since he kept him from joining last week. But all the responses corresponded with the reading, which he absolutely needed to be caught up with in order to do well. 

Wuxian smiled, “You got it!”

Wangji was shocked at Wuxian’s focus during class. He didn’t once ask questions, probably since he didn’t read and wouldn’t get any explanation anyways. All he did was take vigorous notes.

Wednesday was no different. He was exceptionally annoying and loud in Xichen’s class which put Wangji on edge for how his class would go. But… But Wuxian was still silent. Taking notes. He would only occasionally look up from his notebook. 

But of course Wangji heard all about how Wuxian acted in his Uncle’s Ethical Response class. Unlike Wangji, Lan Qiren had given Wuxian two weeks to catch up, and Xichen had given him until midterms. 

Any time Wangji saw Wuxian in the distance he was always mouthing off or being unnecessarily loud with other juniors or with a group of freshmen, two of which belonged to his clan. 

And there were constant tweets from Wuxian asking him to “complete the mutual”.

Regardless of his unexpected silence in Wangji’s class, Wuxian was too loud and too chaotic for Wangji. He always had remarks and backhanded compliments, not to mention he always challenged anything Wangji had to say. It was exhausting, and Wangji barely even gave him any energy. 

Wangji had already created an image in his head of Wuxian. He was just another student who didn’t actually care about his studies. He didn’t put in any effort into things that didn’t immediately benefit him. He spoke to get a rise out of people. He didn’t care about others. He was a partier. He did not respect those around him. Probably didn’t care for anyone but himself. He wanted attention. He was annoying. He was the stereotypical college boy who was sent off to school because his wealthy parents made him. 

He was boring. 

Wangji was thankful to have a break from Wuxian the last two days because the longer he spent around him in Art & Philosophy, the shorter his patience got. 

What Wangji didn’t realize was that Wuxian was struggling to catch up in his classes on top of his daily shifts at Lotus Root.

Wuxian knew he could blow off Mianmian’s assignments if he wanted, but he didn’t want that. He wanted to actually participate in the course. He didn’t want to wait until midterms to catch up on Xichen’s assignments. He would have to worry about midterms by then after all. As much as he hated Ethical Response, he was determined to prove Lan Qiren wrong. He challenged him every moment in class but he’ll be damned if he didn’t pass the class. That’s not the satisfaction he wanted to give the wrinkled man. 

Lan Qiren might think Wuxian was a troublemaker who is stupid and incapable, but Wuxian was not. And he refused to let Lan Qiren think he was right. So he would get every assignment in on time. He would write the responses he knew Lan Qiren wanted. And he would write so eloquently that Lan Qiren would assume he paid someone to write the papers for him, only to frustratingly find out that Wuxian did it all on his own. 

Wuxian barely slept in the last week trying to keep up with current assignments and past assignments. Especially when it came to Queer Lit. He was trying to catch up on the reading, taking as many notes as he could so when he finally caught up, he could write all the responses at once. He started with the online articles first which was a smart move, because he was only halfway done with Wangji’s assignments and he had approximately 4.5 hours left before the deadline. 

Wuxian felt stupid for taking naps this week. Granted that’s all he was getting for sleep, but maybe he shouldn’t have taken so many. Then he would be a little bit more ahead by this time. 

But he also knew that if he didn’t get some shut eye, then his work would not have been worthy of a good grade. 

On top of it all he had been working all week for his sister and Wen Qing. They asked if he wanted to delay starting work until he caught up, but he refused. He even came in on his days off. He was supposed to work on marketing for them but they shifted his work to the front end until he got his footing. 

He would station himself in one of the cushioned chairs off to the side and set off to work. When he was needed he would run the front counter, or clean up tables, or check on the bathroom, or empty the trash, or start up the dishes.

Luckily, for the most part anyways, there were waves that he was able to balance it out. Working with a customer here and there or chatting it up when he needed to be friendly and approachable, was easy enough at first. Naturally it got progressively harder the more tired he became. But he kept face and pushed through when he needed to. 

At 6pm, Yanli came in and told Wuxian to focus on his assignments and she would finish cleaning and closing up. She anticipated that he would stay until he finished his assignments for the night, otherwise he would struggle to get back into focus. 

Wuxian had connected his phone to the bluetooth and blasted [Pale Blue Dot by Big Wild](https://open.spotify.com/track/3XmNMIucTYuXOEpAjcaeVi?si=8010abdbba60478a) for about half an hour straight and was so deeply focused on his work before him that he never noticed the front door open. 

Wangji walked in, pulling out his earbuds. 

“Hello,” Yanli walked to the front counter from the back room as he approached. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you come in,” she pointed up, indicating the loud music that was blasting through the space. 

“It’s okay,” Wangji glanced around the space, noting the atmosphere, catching a glimpse of Wuxian in the corner. “Are you closed? I wasn’t sure because of the lights. And the door was unlocked.”

“We closed at 7 today,” Yanli shrugged. “It’s only 7:30, is there anything I can help you with? I don’t mind, really,” she smiled. 

“If there is anything that you’re planning on tossing, I can take that,” Wangji glanced back at Wuxian who was furiously scribbling inside a book.

“Okay, sure thing,” she smiled. “Did you come from the University?”

Wangji looked at Yanli and gave a small nod. “I just got out from work.”

“Where do you work?”

“The library.”

“Oh that’s so cool! I used to want to work in a library,” Yanli poured the leftover tea over a cup of ice. “Well, I did. But it was very brief.”

“At the University?”

“Oh no, no,” she shook her head. “I worked in the University bookstore. But back at home I helped out in our little library. Here you go,” Yanli slid the cup over. “Before you head out would you like something to eat?”

Wangji handed the payment for the iced tea over. “It’s okay.”

“It’s on the house,” Yanli said in a soft sing songy voice. 

Wangji’s tired eyes softened. “Okay.” Yanli held up a finger and moved to the backroom. 

Wangji looked back over at Wuxian. He really had no idea that there was anyone in the cafe. He was going back and forth between his book, his notebook, and his laptop. Across the table were sprawled a variety of printed papers, two other notebooks, a few napkins, a half eaten muffin, and a full mug of tea that was probably cold. On the seat beside him sat a pile of books and his bag. 

Wuxian held his pen in his mouth while he typed. When he turned back to his notebook he froze for a moment, looking around. 

Not only was there the pen in his mouth, but a pen was pushed into his bun that sat messily on top of his head. 

“Okay,” Yanli came back with a bag. Wangji looked to her. “I wasn’t sure what you’d like so I grabbed one of everything!”

“Oh,” Wangji took the bag from her hands. “Thank you very much.”

“Of course!” Yanli smiled. “Feel free to interrupt A-Xian too if you’d like.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m sure he’d appreciate a break for a minute,” she motioned over to Wuxian. “He’s been here since 11 this morning working hard.”

“Does he work here?”

“He does,” she nodded. “We were a bit busy around 2 so he didn’t get to look at his schoolwork for quite a while but he’s been balancing. He’ll probably be here until midnight. That’s what he said this morning anyways. But again, he probably needs a minute to stop looking at words.”

“Mm.” Wangji thought for a moment. “Thank you again,” he bowed his head before making his way over to Wuxian. 

Wangji really did not expect to see Wuxian in a state like this on a Friday night. Nor did he expect him to take his studies this seriously? He had been anticipating Wuxian hand his Queer Lit assignments in late, yet here he was scribbling into one of Wangji’s assigned readings. He was so utterly focused he didn’t even realize Wangji was standing behind him. 

“Wuxian.”

“Huh,” Wuxian looked up, unaware, “What?” He froze. “Oh, oh uhm.” He looked down at the mess in front of him. “I, uh-” he looked back up. “Hi?” Wangji glanced at the table before looking back at Wuxian. “Did you just get out of work? Here, why don’t you sit for a second. Do you want some tea?”

Wangji held out the iced tea in his hand. 

“Oh, right,” he shook his head to clear it. “Sorry, I’m a bit,” he started organizing the table. “I’m a bit disorganized right now,” he let out a laugh. 

“You are,” Wangji motioned to the chair across from him. Wuxian quickly encouraged him to take a seat. “What are you… Working on?” He had eyes. But Yanli was right. He needed a moment to focus on something else.

“What? Oh,” Wuxian pulled out his phone, turning down the music in the cafe. “I’m, uh. I’m just trying to get my homework done in time,” he laughed tiredly. “It’ll get done. Almost there.”

“Is it mine?”

“Uh, yes,” he glanced down. Realizing how chaotic his notes in the book looked he put his pen inside and closed it slowly. “It’ll get done though! I’ll have it in before midnight.” 

_I hope_ , Wuxian thought to himself. 

“Which response are you on,” Wangji placed his tea down but held onto the bag.

“I am on,” he glanced at his laptop. “The second one. I’m almost done with it though. Then I can start the third.”

_Out of four_ , Wangji thought. “Have you already done the reading for all of it?”

Wuxian hesitated. “Not for the fourth one. I tried to earlier but I kept getting pulled so it seemed easiest to stop and just work on the papers.” Wangji nodded. “Although I did have to reread parts because I was getting pulled. So I’m just double checking everything now before I start the next one.”

“Is there anything you need help with?”

Help? Wangji was going to help him? Wuxian smirked. 

Wangji saw the gears turning in his head. And he almost regretted asking. He started to stand but Wuxian panicked and stopped him. “Wait! There is one thing!”

Wangji thought for a moment before continuing. “I will clarify. But then after, you should stop working.”

“I’m almost done, I can get it in.”

“I know.” Wangji finally placed the bag down on the table. “Finish this paper, and then go home. Hand in the other two by the end of the day tomorrow.” Before Wuxian could respond, “What is your question?”

lan wangji really knows his queers 

wwx was a wreck all week 

jingyi looks no better 

complete the mutual 

  


humiliation k*nk 

  


50% discount 

want me to cut off his pinkie 

wwx? 

lan qiren idiot 

i'm not dropping out. 

lan qiren no rights? 

some professor umbridge sh*t 

wen chao wants to meet wwx 

pure t a s t e 

pretty............ 

  


jin zixuan and nie huaisang 

i wanted to make sure you ate 

  


a song that’s best when blasted;  [ Runaway (feat. Reo Cragun) ](https://open.spotify.com/track/7xEwyYLgS9nrVKGTDV2GGC?si=14c4f5baf36048cb)

worried 

  


Wuxian couldn’t focus on poetry. He was feeling significantly drained. He didn’t speak unless he was called on. He didn’t read his piece. He didn’t participate in workshopping. Mianmian noticed and wouldn’t push. 

Wuxian didn’t even bother saying goodbye to Mianmian, he just trudged out of class, blasting music in his earbuds. He really did not want to waste his time on Friday, in the Ethics Department suite. Yet here he was. Not a soul in sight.

He considered not showing up but if the Dean was going to be involved, he’d have to leave before they could even pull up his file. Regardless, he had to take up an independent study to keep his imaginary full ride. 

So he stood in front of the study room, curtains pulled closed. He imagined the room to be full of books but was pleasantly surprised to see just one short case of books and a long table. And unfortunately, at it sat Lan Wangji. 

Wangji looked up. 

“Great,” Wuxian sighed, pulling his earbuds out, closing the door a little too loudly behind him. “You’re the tutor?” The slightest nod. “What do I have to do,” he huffed, dropping himself down across from him. 

Wangji slid a packet over to him. “You have to take this first. Then we will go over it.”

“Is this a fucking test?” Wuxian flipped through it. “What happens if I pass it? Does he actually expect me to fail this?”

Wangji was quiet. He wasn’t sure why his Uncle made Wuxian come to tutoring hours with specific assignments, but he had yet to see Wuxian like this. Annoyed, frustrated, and frankly: looking exhausted. “There are two parts. The first is material you have studied. The second-”

“So he’s testing me on things that weren’t even covered yet? Solid.” Wuxian sighed and grabbed a pen from his bag. “Can I listen to music?”

Wangji did not expect the question. He thought about what his Uncle would say if he had asked him that question. “No.”

Wuxian considered arguing but let it go. He just wanted to get out of here. 

Wangji felt a bit bad. Some of the questions on the second portion of the test would never be covered in the specific course that Wuxian was in. He thought that maybe Wuxian would attempt to cheat once he reached those questions. But whenever he glanced up, he either saw Wuxian circling what he thought was best, or writing a small, “I don’t know” on short answers. He never touched the phone on the table.

Wuxian even attempted the final long response. He rested his head on his arm that stretched across the table towards Wangji. “Sit up straight,” Wangji said quietly. 

Wuxian whined. This, Wangji had grown familiar with. “What’s wrong with answering the question like this?”

“It’s not proper,” Wangji replied. “Sit up straight.”

“You’re so uptight,” Wuxian mumbled as he pushed himself up. “Wangji, can I leave when I finish this,” he asked as he scribbled his response. “Wangji?” He looked up. “Are you listening to me?”

He huffed, closing his packet. “I’m done, am I allowed to leave?”

“No.”

“ _No_ ,” Wuxian was growing restless. “What do you mean _no_? Lan Wangji, I’m hungry.” No response. “I had to deal with your bitch ass Uncle today, the least I should be allowed to do is leave early after taking a stupid ass test designed to make me fail, don’t you think?” 

Wangji graded the test silently. 

“ _Wangji_ . Hello? Wangji?” … “ _Lan Zhan.”_

Wangji gave him a warning look. Wuxian smirked. 


	6. Wuxian is... Interesting

l*n zh*n 

he definitely did 

“You let him leave early,” Lan Qiren asked. “He is supposed to stay for the full two hours.”

Xichen placed his cup down. Wangji did not lift his eyes from the smallest chip on the plate placed neatly between the three of them. “Half an hour-”

“I said two hours,” Qiren spoke up. “Wei Wuxian is the kind of person who can charm people into getting exactly what he wants, no matter how disrespectful he is. I want him to realize the consequences of his actions. He should be held accountable. Next week: two hours. No less, Wangji.”

Xichen looked at Wangji who still had yet to pick up his tea since the topic of Wei Wuxian had been brought up. “Yes.”

complete the mutual 

WHOMSTVE DID WHATSVE 

expose him kyle xy! 

  


he said “i don’t want jin ling’s heterosexual judgment” 

  


that would be mean 

  


big b*tch spotted 

it's xichen 

STOP STOP STOP STOP 

  


where are these b*tches 

is he ok 

i didn't know he could run 

he runs? 

luv u. 

  


late 

  
  


nhs is getting v worked up 

  


thought they were glued to his palms tbh 

you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hands 

DONT SAY HIS NAME 

dirty evil b*tch a** 

should zixuan point out to huaisang that wuxian did indeed say “yet” or pretend he’s jared, 19? 

  


jared, 19 

“Brother,” Wangji approached the front after everyone filed out. “Is everything okay?”

“Of course,” he smiled to reassure Wangji. “Why?”

“You were late for class.”

“I lost track of time,” Xichen closed his laptop. “I was talking with Wei Wuxian about a possible independent study.”

“Wei Wuxian,” Wangji repeated back slowly.

“Yes,” Xichen held his laptop to his chest. “By the way, how is he doing? In Queer Lit?”

“Fine,” Wangji replied. Xichen gave him a small smile and waited. “He has interesting… Thoughts.”

“Thoughts?”

“The way he processes and analyzes,” Wangji paused. 

“Ah,” Xichen nodded. “Yes, I’ve gotten some interesting responses from him from time to time. He had some fascinating thoughts within the previous assignments. It was raw curiosity and a different level of depth and attentiveness without the class discussions as a backbone or a source for the classes missed.”

“Hm,” Wangji turned to walk out of the room with him. “Could I,” he paused. “Would it be okay to read them?”

“Sure,” Xichen nodded. “I think you’ll find them quite thought provoking.”

ok but were they 

  


  


it's been a while 

  


ha ha 

wuxian is giving huaisang a lot of stress 

maybe wuxian tried to hit on mingjue back before the mustache, three years ago 

nie huaisang is protective but wbk 

AH. 

NO FEELINGS. 

WEEWOOWEEWOO 

zixuan investigates 

nhs expecting wwx to not be like this though... 

  


Xichen and Xingchen advisors? 

Lan Wangji went home earlier than expected. It wasn’t often he was given days off at the library. And usually he stayed to work on grading papers, emailing students, or meeting with them to go over anything if there were questions. 

But for once he had the opportunity to be home alone. He had finished grading papers long before his brother and uncle returned. 

He was nearly finished reading Wuxian’s Art & Philosophy papers. 

He was so focused he didn’t notice them. 

He was… confused. 

Wangji was confused because Wuxian’s Art & Philosophy papers just added to the initial confusion Wangji had towards Wuxian. It was like the time he saw Wuxian at Lotus Root working on his assignments with an intense focus. 

Wuxian was… Not what Wangji was expecting. He’d dare to say that Wuxian could give him a real run for his money. He thought back to their arguments in his brother’s class and hummed to himself. 

“Wangji,” he heard a strained whisper trying to get his attention. 

“Huh,” Wangji looked up. 

“You need to take this to your room,” Xichen motioned to the work that surrounded Wangji on the floor. 

Wangji moved quickly to stack his books and papers. He rushed out of the room before his uncle walked in. Without Xichen he would have heard it for sure. 

“Where’s Wangji?”

“How was the presentation,” Wangji walked back in mere seconds later.

No, Wuxian did not google the quote. Yes, the one (1) RT and like is from Wangji. 

complete the mutual x 

jc expose him! 


	7. Wuxian is... Thought Provoking

“Tell me,” Huaisang whined, “Please?”

“Nie Huaisang,” Xichen shook his head. “I’m not going to tell you if he hasn’t told you himself.”

“Xichen, _please_ ,” Huaisang hung off of him. “Wuxian won’t tell me!”

“Leave Xichen alone,” Mingjue sighed. “Don’t you have to finish studying for PoliSci?”

“Ugh,” Huaisang draped himself across the counter, “I don’t want to! It’s too much! _Mingjue_!”

“Why don’t you ask Guangyao to help you? He knows the content well enough,” Xichen offered. 

“I sure hope so,” Guangyao smiled. “I took three PoliSci courses last semester alone.”

“Huaisang, why don’t you add another major like Guangyao,” Nie Mingjue sat down next to Xichen at the kitchen island. “It would do you some good to focus on something other than art.”

“I already have,” Huaisang frowned. 

“Nie Mingjue,” Guangyao turned to him. “I think Fine & Performing Arts and Literature are really knowledgeable studies to get into!”

“I forgot you’re taking up music too,” Mingjue took a sip of his mimosa. 

“You might hate it,” Xichen spoke up, “But you are outnumbered on this one. You’re surrounded by musicians,” he smirked. “Eat your food and be quiet,” he laughed. 

“I’ll help you study after,” Guangyao muttered to Huaisang.

Huaisang sighed, “Thank you,” he mumbled quietly. 

* * *

Wuxian was late. And he knew he was late, so when he walked into the Ethics study room and found it empty he thought he lucked out. 

If Wangji wasn’t here then surely there was no reason for him to stay. He smirked and turned. 

Straight into Lan Wangji himself. 

“Sit.” He didn’t look pleased. Then again, maybe this was his resting face.

Wuxian sighed, “Really, Lan Zhan, it’s not my fault you were late. You can’t blame me for trying to leave.”

“You were late,” Wangji followed him in, closing the door. “I was speaking with my Uncle.”

“Why would you do that,” Wuxian dropped his books onto the table. “Do you hate me, Lan Zhan? You must.”

“Because you were late, I would be late for work,” Wangji sat across from him. “My Uncle will come in himself for the last half-hour of your time.”

“ _What_ ,” Wuxian stared at him. “Oh, no no,” he shook his head. “Can’t I just come with you? I’ll just go to the library!”

“No.”

“Lan Zhan-”

“No.”

it was different 

  


wuxian behaving 

“Xichen,” Wangji held out the stack of Wuxian’s papers. “Thank you,” he dipped his head in thanks before turning to walk out of his room.

“Wangji,” he called. “What do you think?”

Wangji paused. 

What did he think? 

What did he think…

He thought a lot. 

  
  
  


He read and reread the papers. He thought that maybe Wuxian isn’t what he thought he was. He thought maybe the deep frustration and annoyance he felt before was unfounded… Well, founded… Because he was annoying and loud and opinionated. But… But…

“Thought provoking.”

favorite child 

MONIES? FOR WHAT 

grateful wuxian is grateful 

serious wuxian is serious 

this has been a psa published by lan jingyi himself 

a wild jingyi appears! 

__

looks like both of their wuxian senses were tingling 

complete the mutual and i’ll give you a free tea 

“Lan Zhan!” Wuxian jumped to the register with a new found energy, especially after having eaten two meals. “Happy Saturday!”

“Hm.”

“What can I get you, Lan Zhan?” 

Wuxian was quick to make Wangji’s tea. He messed up nearly instantly and had to start over. Only the freshmen, who were sitting off to the side still, saw the whole thing. 

They smirked at each other.

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian slid back to the counter and leaned forward. “Did you see my tweet?”

Wangji hesitated, taking the tea, “What tweet?”

“If you complete the mutual, the tea is free,” Wuxian smiled.

Wangji immediately placed the exact change onto the counter and turned. The two Lan’s laughed out loud but were quickly silenced by Wangji’s gaze. Jingyi pretended to be coughing and Sizhui gave Wangji a tense smile and nod. 

“Wait, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian followed him.

Wangji walked out the door. “Lan Zhan,” Wuxian reached out for his arm. 

Jingyi and Sizhui left their seats for a better view from inside. 

“Let go,” Wangji said quietly. 

“Hah,” Wuxian smiled apologetically. “I just, uhm.”

Wangji’s face was still but inside he was silently begging Wuxian to ask him his opinions or thoughts, on absolutely anything. He wanted Wuxian to ask him to talk.

People don’t do that though do they?

sorry, wuxian can’t come to the phone right now, 

idk what happened 

_  
_ __

IM GOING TO EMAIL HIM. 

_  
_

He really emailed him. 

Wangji stared at his laptop for so long, unmoving, that Xichen couldn’t help but notice. “Wangji?”

“Hm,” he looked over his laptop. “What is it?”

“Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Wangji looked back at his email. “Wei Wuxian emailed me.”

“He emailed you? Is something wrong?”

“No,” Wangji closed his laptop. “He emailed me about the tea he knocked over this afternoon.” 

“He must feel really bad,” Xichen closed his laptop as well, knowing that his brother wanted to talk. 

“He offered to not speak in Art & Philosophy this week.”

Xichen laughed, “He must feel _really_ bad, Wangji. What did you say to him at Lotus Root?”

“Nothing.”

“Well, Wangji,” Xichen laughed, “He might think you’re mad at him.”

“Hm,” Wangji thought to himself.

“Are you?”

“No, I was annoyed that I had to come back home to change before tutoring. I was late,” Wangji explained. 

“You should tell him that,” Xichen suggested. “Or at least email him back.”

Wangji glanced at the laptop in his lap. “I will tell him if he asks me. I am curious if he will actually leave me alone for the week.”

“And if he does?”

Wangji stayed quiet. Xichen smiled to himself. “Okay, well do you want to head to Song Lan’s now?”

we finally get to see this friend group 

“Well if it isn’t Lan Wangji,” Mianmian called from across the living room. 

Wangji gave her a small smile, “It’s been a while.”

“ _A while_ ,” she put her cup down. “How are we both on the same campus, _same department_ , but never run into each other anymore?”

“His schedule has been pretty tight,” Xichen looked into the pot on the stove. “What is this?”

“It’s Song Lan’s,” Xingchen replied calmly, pouring water into 5 glasses. “I think it’s safe to eat.”

“It is,” Song Lan called from another room. 

“Well Wangji,” Mianmian patted the seat beside her. “How about you start doing your grading in the Literature suite. I _miss_ you.”

“Hm,” Wangji thought for a moment. “I can move some things around. After classes I am typically busy. Are you there Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays in the morning?”

“Early on Thursday and Friday morning, yes.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “I can go then instead of between classes.”

“Wangji,” Xingchen called from the kitchen, carrying the waters into the room with the help of Xichen. “How is your first class going? I know you were a bit nervous to be teaching it.”

“It’s good. Really good, actually,” Wangji folded his legs neatly under him on the couch.

“It’s Queer Lit right,” Song Lan asked, plating the food in the kitchen. 

“Yes,” he replied. “I was nervous about the class I would get. The classmates I had when I took the course were… Less than subpar. But this group is really… fantastic.”

Xingchen sat on the floor facing his friends while Xichen helped Song Lan. “I have a student in your class,” he smiled. “He _loves_ it,” he giggled. “He’s always talking to another student at the end of class about it. I guess she took the class last year.”

“Tell him who the student is,” Xichen called. 

“Qin Su, and Wei Wuxian,” Xingchen cocked his head slightly in curiosity. “Do you know Qin Su?”

Mianmian noticed the look Wangji shot Xichen as he approached. She hummed to herself and took a sip of water. “I took the class with Qin Su, yes.”

“Ah well,” Xingchen leaned back on his hands. “The two of them have very lively discussions at the end of every class.”

“I guess that’s a good sign for how your course is going, Wangji,” Song Lan and Xichen handed out bowls.

“So,” Mianmian spoke with her mouth full. “Wuxian dances?”

“You know him too,” Xichen asked. 

“Know him,” Mianmian laughed. “We met in high school. He annoyed me so deeply at first. But uh,” she pushed her food around. “He’s a really great person. He always does what he thinks is best. I love the idiot. However I did not know he was a dancer.”

“He told me he wasn’t,” Xingchen laughed. “But he is. He’s a beautiful dancer.”

Song Lan covered his mouth as he spoke, “This is the one who asked you before class even started to do the solo improv?”

“It is. He was very serious about it,” Xingchen nodded.

“The absolute taste,” Song Lan shook his head. “First time dancing solo in the class and he picked Runaway by Ekali featuring Reo Cragun. I could never.”

“You also can’t dance,” Xichen muttered. 

“Well I have never heard that song,” Mianmian shrugged, “But I’m assuming he did well?”

“I was very impressed.”

Mianmian hummed, glancing at Wangji, who had yet to eat. He was looking down but hadn’t moved. “Hey,” she nudged him. “It will get cold.”

“How are your courses going so far, Xichen,” Xingchen asked. “Especially that co-taught class? How’s that?”

“Philosophy, Politics & Economics?” Xichen shrugged. “It’s going really well this semester. Last year it was a wreck but it’s much smoother this year. There are only a couple students who are struggling a tad. But they have me first for Art & Philosophy, then Nie Mingjue for Politics & War, and then after they have us together? I’d be fried by then too,” he laughed.

“Are any of them working on their thesis,” Mianmian asked. 

Xichen hummed, “Just one. She is also in Environmental Ethics and World Literature.”

“Yikes,” Mianmian shook her head.

“Is she doing World Literature as an independent study,” Wangji finally spoke up. “There was no professor for that course this semester.”

professor song lan! speak it into the universe! 

  


remember wuxian has wangji’s notifs on lmao 

wuxian followed song lan 

Xingchen and Song Lan had curled up in front of the TV, Xingchen already passed out, hugging a smaller pillow to his chest. Song Lan was propped up on pillows, staring at the TV, on the brink of passing out, but trying his best not to; a bad habit. 

Mianmian always curled up into a small ball on the chair, blanket pulled over her head to block the light from the TV. If she wasn’t curled up, one leg was always tucked under her while the other dangled off the side of the armrest. 

Xichen was only just settling down and fixing the blankets on the couch while Wangji was resettling back into place after getting himself another glass of water. “Xichen,” Wangji said quietly, sitting on the floor. “Your phone,” he leaned over to grab the phone that was charging. 

“Who is it?”

“Guangyao,” Wangji unplugged it without a word and passed it over. 

Xichen sat up with the phone, reading. He hummed to himself and started texting back.

“Goodnight,” Wangji muttered.

“Mhm, goodnight,” Xichen continued texting.

pls zizhen have mercy 

  


he wants to **** ******’s **** 

  


zixuan let it go 

Xichen had just spent the first half of his Monday morning with Wei Wuxian in his office. Wuxian was talkative and energetic throughout their time together. Xichen could see just how excited he was developing his independent study. 

“Why don’t you reach out to Professor Xingchen after your class tomorrow and see if he can meet with us Wednesday morning. I think you’re heading in a great direction already,” Xichen smiled. “I’m excited to look a little more into the sources here,” he motioned to his laptop. “Class is going to start soon so why don’t you head on over, and we can talk more with Xingchen on Wednesday, same time?”

“Of course, of course,” Wuxian nodded. “Thank you for meeting me! See you in class!”

“And thank you for the tea,” Xichen held the now half empty tea. 

Wuxian had stopped by Lotus Root before it opened to get the good stuff for Wangji, and Xichen. He was serious about giving Wangji a week’s worth of free tea. He wanted to give him one today as an immediate apology. 

But he didn’t want to hand it to him. He was sure Wangji wouldn’t take it anyways. So he raced from Xichen’s office to the classroom. He scribbled a quick sticky note and left it at Wangji’s seat. 

“What are you doing,” Zixuan asked, taking his seat across the small room. “Why are you leaving gifts for Wangji?”

“It’s not a _gift_ ,” Wuxian slumped in his seat to get comfortable.

“I’d accept tea as a gift,” Nie Huaisang settled down beside Zixuan. “I’d accept tea as a gift,” he lowered his voice, eyeing Zixuan.

“I’m not getting you tea,” Zixuan rolled his eyes. “Wuxian, if it’s not a gift why are you leaving it there like that with a note?”

Wuxian opened his mouth to answer but closed it as Jiang Cheng and Guangyao entered. “I don’t understand how that involved Lanling,” Jiang Cheng said. 

Guangyao shook his head. “I’ll show you the notes before class. Nie Mingjue might be able to explain it better anyways.”

Jiang Cheng sighed, “I hate this class,” he left Guangyao’s side and plopped down next to Wuxian. “What?”

“We’re just talking about Wuxian buying gifts for Wangji,” Nie Huaisang said. 

“You bought a gift for Hanguang-Jun,” Wen Ning walked in with a little hop in his step. “Oh that’s so nice of you, Wuxian!”

“I did not! I got him and Xichen tea this morning that’s all,” Wuxian groaned. “I spilled some on Wangji a few days ago. It’s just an apology.”

“Why did you buy Xichen tea?” Guangyao asked from across the room. 

“Why does it matter, Guangyao?”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately,” Guangyao pointed out with a shrug. “You constantly tweet about it.”

“He’s just my independent study advisor,” Wuxian sighed. Guangyao was silent. “What did you want me to say? Anything in particular?”

“Frankly,” Huaisang spoke up. “I’m tired of talking about Wuxian,” he fanned himself.

“And his dick sucking ventures,” Jiang Cheng added. 

“Het,” Wen Ning mumbled. 

Zixuan smirked. 

“We’ve been over this Wen Ning,” Jiang Cheng sighed. 

Wuxian laughed. 

clown 

Wuxian was mortified. He stayed in the classroom while everyone left. He considered skipping Queer Lit. He really did. 

He was still considering it as he replayed everything in his head. 

When Wangji had walked in, Wuxian slouched further into his seat, watching him closely. Wen Qing had to convince him that Wangji did not hate him, but he was unsure. So he watched Wangji closely. 

He watched as Wangji sat in his seat, reading the note. “ _Sorry if it’s cold! I had to get it early this morning. It tastes good cold though! I’m sorry about the tea!!!!! -WWX ♡”_

And he watched as he just barely turned his head to look at Wuxian from the corner of his eye. And he watched as he moved the cup to the front of his desk. 

And he watched as he ignored the cup the entire class.

Xichen called on him once, but Wuxian shrugged, “I’m sorry, I’m not sure.” Quiet. He promised he wouldn’t be annoying in class. He didn’t participate in the class discussion outside taking notes… And glancing at Wangji. 

So when Wangji finally stood at the end of class, _with the cup in his hand_ , Wuxian felt hopeful. Maybe he just wanted to wait until he could reheat it! That makes sense. Yes. Yes, absolutely, it must be that. Okay, so Wangji doesn’t hate Wuxian. 

But Wangji stopped in front of his desk. And he placed the cup in front of him. And walked away. And his friends laughed. And his classmates muttered under their breath, not entirely sure what happened. And Wuxian made eye contact with Xichen. And…

And he stayed in his seat. 

Wangji definitely hated him. 

… But he couldn’t skip class. That wouldn’t make anything better. And he didn’t want to skip anyways. 

So he went. He didn’t speak. He took notes and kept his eyes down. 

Wangji definitely hated him.

sad? 

it’ll be sad 

Wen Ning took the tea off of Wuxian’s desk for him. Wuxian was texting Wen Qing. He didn’t want to go to Queer Lit. He wasn’t going to. He was going to go to work. He was embarrassed and didn’t want to sit through another class where he would have to hear and see Lan Wangji front and center. 

Wuxian was the first person Wangji noticed in his class. His absence was louder than he was. 

His absence was so loud, that it was all Wangji could think about through his library shift. Was he really so stubborn? Or had he not seen the note? 

He hoped he had seen the note, otherwise, he was sure it came across as very cold…

Wangji tapped his finger on the table idly. Queer Lit was boring without Wuxian’s questions. And Art & Philosophy was even more so without his commentary. 

Wangji opened his email.

wuxians phone ft his favorite picture of jc 

ah! 

pretty wallpaper for pretty babie lan wangji 

wuxian's quick reply 

Wangji had double checked the hours for Lotus Root again before he stopped by this time. Fortunately, he was within an hour of closing. 

Unfortunately though, this time Wuxian was yelling into the back while he swept, under the impression that there were no customers. 

“ _All_ I’m saying is that Lan Xichen is actually Man of the Year and I would get on my knees in an instant-” he turned and saw Wangji standing there, “to propose… Heh,” he let out a fake laugh. “Ah, Lan Zhan…” He leaned the broom against the counter. 

“...”

“I was kidding,” Wuxian let out another nervous laugh, “About the… proposal…”

did he hit you 

  


zixuan... 

zixuan is losing it mayhaps 

  


he never said this 

or did he? 

Wuxian was there before Wangji. He was silent, his back to the door. Wangji walked in and paused. Pure silence. 

The only sound was the sound of the door clicking closed. Wuxian squeezed his eyes shut. He wasn’t sure what he was preparing for, but he was preparing for absolutely anything. Maybe it wasn’t even Wangji behind him. At this point he would prefer to face Lan Qiren.

“Open your eyes,” Wangji’s voice in front of him. 

Wuxian opened one eye slowly. “Aren’t you going to… To…?”

“Why would I do anything?”

“Well, Lan Zhan, I think I’ve been pretty outrageous this past week don’t you think?” Wuxian spoke nervously.

“Yes.”

Ouch.

“Didn’t I offend you when I-”

“You didn’t offend me,” Wangji interrupted. “But you will if you bring it up.”

Wuxian pressed his lips together and opened his book cautiously. He glanced up to see Wangji doing the same. 

“Did you get my note?”

“Note?” Wuxian pouted for a second in thought. “You mean your email?”

“No,” Wangji looked up. 

Wuxian hesitated, “Ah, the note…”

Wangji sighed. Wuxian had obviously missed it. “The note on the tea. I wrote back.”

“ _You wrote back_ ?” Wangji noted. “What did it say?” No reply. “Lan Zhan, I might have to go dumpster diving in a week's worth of trash at this University if you don’t tell me,” he pouted. Wangji hummed. “ _Lan Zhan_.”

“Focus,” Wangji motioned to the textbook.

wuxian’s phone minutes after tutoring (remember to ignore the times and dates on things!) 

what was on the note 

Wangji heard Wuxian yell out in the quad as his shift started.

He hummed in amusement.

jiggy pls 


	8. For Every 2 Steps Forward, One Massive Step Back

“Here you go,” Zixuan placed a cup of tea in front of Huaisang and sat beside him.

“What?” He looked at the tea. 

“I got you your tea. Honey citrus?”

Huaisang smiled. “Thanks Zixuan!”

“Where’s mine,” Jin Ling asked, leaning over. 

“Go away,” Zixuan pushed his face.

“Oh, Zixuan,” Yanli sighed and placed a cup in front of Jin Ling. “Be nice to him.”

“Thanks Yanli,” Jin Ling beamed up at her. She pinched his cheek before walking away. Zixuan and Huaisang sighed.

oh boy

he attack play-by-play!!! 

Wuxian had finally finished cleaning the café and was about to power everything down. 

He had just clicked the lock on the front door when he saw Lan Wangji walking up. He unlocked the door once more and opened it. “Lan Zhan?”

Wangji held his hands behind his back. 

Wuxian thought about the note. He smirked and pushed the door open. “Do you want to come in for a cup?”

“Would you like to talk?”

* * *

Xichen breathed out slowly through his nose.

Another night. Another negative conversation about Wei Wuxian.

“It was a mistake, Xichen,” Qiren remarked. “You should not have given him your cell phone number.”

“Uncle,” Xichen started slowly. “I understand the concern, but many of my students have my number. I am his advisor for his independent study. I am unconcerned with him having my number.”

“You should be concerned-”

“Why,” Wangji spoke up. He never spoke in these conversations, not even when he was the one under judgement. 

“For the same reason you should be concerned, Wangji.”

“Uncle,” Xichen grabbed his attention again. “We have a similar conversation every night when either of us have an interaction with Wei Wuxian that you were not present for or aware about. You have raised us to see the good in people, and the bad. Because of you, we know how to judge one’s character,” he smiled. “Do not worry further, please.”

Wangji clenched his jaw. 

are you sure those aren't ur legs tingling 

****** hi, here is one of several typos that is too annoying to go back and recreate:**

**i'm pissing off lan qiren***

**everyone say thank you autocorrect for that**

  


Wuxian _thought_ he knew what he was doing when he was talking to Xichen out in the quad. When he saw Lan Qiren walking out of one of the buildings, immediately spotting the two of them. 

He made his motions slightly more dramatic and used his hands more while he spoke. And then, while everything went blurry for him, he’s sure everything went red for Lan Qiren.

RETREAT. RETREAT. 

go for the whole hand 

“What did you do,” Jiang Cheng asked the _second_ he walked into their apartment.

“Breathe?”

“With Xichen?”

Huaisang poked his head up from the couch, “For the sake of my well being I need you to give me every detail.”

“To kill me, or?”

“He’s actually interested,” Wen Ning said from the floor.

“What are you doing down there? Is everyone here, jeez,” he dropped his bag onto the floor.

“Can you just tell Huaisang,” Zixuan said from the other side of the couch. “He won’t shut up about it.”

“This 180 you’ve pulled Huaisang,” Wuxian hummed. “I love this development.”

“I’ve realized that while I really hate the thought of you sucking Xichen’s dick, and all these flashbacks I have to several years ago, I also realize how scandalous it would be if you did,” Huaisang tucked his legs under him. “So,” he cupped his hands and held them out. “Spare some details.”

“Did he say scandalous,” Wuxian asked.

“Indeed,” Zixuan popped a chip in his mouth.

“Well. Nothing scandalous here,” Wuxian walked to the fridge. “I heard a dog, I jumped forward. My hand. On his very nice tit.”

“How nice,” Zixuan asked.

“ _Nice_.”

“Nice,” he nodded.

“Oh,” Wuxian opened a soda. “Lan Qiren saw it too.”

Wen Ning gasped. “No!”

“Yes!”

“Your filthy hands have touched a regal pec, in front of Lan Qiren’s eyes, and you don’t seem concerned,” Jiang Cheng stated.

“I ran away,” Wuxian shrugged. “Hid behind the front desk of the library. Didn’t move until I was sure he was gone, and Lan Zhan kicked me out.” His phone buzzed. “Who is live texting the freshmen four? Zizhen just asked me about the ‘regal pec’.”

Zixuan raised his hand, still looking down at his phone, “Me.”

what's he going to do

[check back in three hours for final results] 

Wuxian was bubbling with excitement. 

  1. He didn’t have class so he could workshop his poem again before he presented it
  2. He was going to see Wangji
  3. He was going to upset Lan Qiren



Wuxian knocked on Lan Qiren’s open door. “Professor,” Wuxian dipped his head. 

“Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren responded slowly. 

“I apologize if I’m interrupting. I am early for tutoring because my class was cancelled. I figured I’d pick up some tea for Wangji. Is it okay if I wait in the suite for him for the tutoring?”

Lan Qiren had no reason to say no. But Wuxian could tell he was looking for one. “Professor? I do apologize. I just don’t have Wangji’s number. I should probably ask for it to avoid bothering you,” he muttered to himself, loud enough for Qiren to hear. 

“No,” Qiren shook his head immediately. “No, it’s fine. Wait here.”

“Perfect,” Wuxian smiled brightly. “Thank you!”

Wuxian tucked himself into a corner where Qiren could not see him and blasted music through his ear buds. 

And that’s exactly where Wangji found him when he arrived not 15 minutes later. Wuxian was leaning and stretching out of his chair, holding the earbuds in the direction of Qiren’s office. “What are you doing?”

“Ah! Lan Zhan!” Wuxian jumped up, turning his music off, leaving them in silence. He held out the cup. “I brought you some tea!”

“Mn,” Wangji took the cup from his hand. “Why are you here early?”

“I was available,” he smiled. “Let’s start early, Lan Zhan!” He practically skipped by Lan Qiren’s office and into the study room. He could feel the annoyance flowing from the office when he passed by. 

Wangji followed at a slower pace. “You want to start early?” He closed the door behind them.

“Well, no.”

“... You should not lie.”

“No, no,” Wuxian shook his head. “I don’t want to start early, but let’s start early.” Wangji stared at him. Wuxian sighed, “I _want_ to talk to you! But I’d rather do that after the two hours of Ethics. Then we can keep talking while I walk you to work!”

Wangji opened and closed his mouth before trying again, “You want to… Walk me to work.”

“Sure!” Wangji did not reply. “Is that okay?”

Wangji put his cup down. “Open your notebook.”

Wuxian smiled.

is wuxian okay 

incapable 

something useful for once 

compared to zixuan, i too, am a peasant 

“Why would you have a movie night on a Monday,” Jin Ling criticized. 

“Why do you care, brat,” Wuxian replied, “You’re not invited.”

“Okay but how do _I_ ,” Zizhen aggressively pointed to himself, “Go about being invited?”

“You don’t,” Jiang Cheng said bluntly.

“Okay but _why_ , Monday,” Jin Ling butted in again. “You can’t stay up late or anything. You have class the next day.”

“We stay up late _despite_ having class the next day,” Jiang Cheng looked at Wuxian. “Is he for real?”

“He is,” Sizhui spoke up quietly while highlighting something in his notes.

“I really can’t go,” Zizhen pouted.

“No,” Jiang Cheng replied. “Maybe when you’re older,” Jiang Cheng joked as he walked away. “I’m going home to get ready, I’ll see you in a bit,” he said to Wuxian.

Zizhen continued to pout. 

“No,” Wuxian flicked his forehead. 

he dances? 

COMEPLETE THE MUTAIAL 

“ _Zixuan_ ,” Nie Huaisang whined, draping himself across Zixuan’s lap. “ _Please_!!!!!!!”

“No.”

“ _ZIXUAN_ , plllllleaaaaaase,” Huaisang kicked his legs. 

“Just buy it for him,” Jiang Cheng groaned. 

“Or stop buying things when you’re drunk,” Yanli suggested.

Wuxian poured his ninth drink of the night, messily, while looking at his phone. 

“Wuxian,” Yanli called, “Why don’t you come show me what you’re looking at,” she patted the seat beside her. 

“Don’t do it,” Huaisang yelled. “She’s going to take your phone too!”

Wuxian pouted and held his phone to his chest. “I’m fine!”

“You’re as sober as I am,” Zixuan joked. “Get up,” he slapped Huaisang’s ass. 

“Zixuaaaaan,” Huaisang clung to him. “Don’t leave me!”

oh? 

before you embarrass yourself 

* * *

Zixuan woke up to his alarm blaring. “Ugh,” he groaned, reaching out to look for his phone. 

The arms around him tightened. Zixuan carefully grabbed the soft delicate hands to loosen the hold they had on him.

He squinted at the bright screen as he put the alarm to snooze. “Get up,” he grumbled as he scrolled through his notifications.

“No,” the blankets were pulled away from Zixuan. “I’m not going.”

Zixuan rolled out of bed. “I’ll get Wen Ning to haul your ass out-”

“I’m up, I’m up,” Huaisang stumbled out of the bed. He fixed his clothes and glared at Zixuan on his way out.

“Works every time,” Zixuan smirked. 

he's actually jealous 

you read right. they have dance class together. 

  


as expected, sizhui blew everyone away 

Wuxian thought it would be easier to get through Art & Philosophy after drunk texting Xichen on Monday. But he was horribly wrong. 

Even more so since he knew Wangji had seen the texts. 

It was a different level of horrified. 

And despite it all, Wuxian kept thinking about Xichen’s firm boobs. And he thought about when he absolutely said he wanted to hear Xichen moaning. And he thought about his gorgeous, big ass hands. So not only is this man a former member of Lie Bing, can play like 7 instruments, can sing, is a philosopher, but apparently he can actually dance? 

And drunk!Wuxian felt the absolute _need_ to pretty much tell him how hot that was?

Who the fuck did he think he was? On top of it _all_ , these thoughts weren’t totally about Lan Xichen, as much as they definitely, _definitely_ were about the big bitch. 

Wuxian nearly threw his phone with the speed at which he pulled his phone out of his bag.

jared, 19 

[bass boosted] jared, 19 

Wangji waited for Xichen outside the classroom. From there he ended up hearing Wuxian trying to apologize to his brother.

“It was inappropriate,” Wuxian stated, “And-”

Wangji stepped further from the door. It was a private conversation. Wangji was sure Wuxian would play it off and not say a word, but Wuxian was always proving him wrong. 

That is until after Queer Lit in the Campus Center.

There was a slightly extended time between classes at this time so a good portion of students were passing through for snacks, the cafe, to sit down and get lunch, stop by the University bookstore, or for the Student Association Council offices.

Wangji was making his way out of the mini mart with an apple in hand. And that’s when he felt his headband tighten and loosen for a moment faster than he could react to what was happening. 

“Oh! Sor-”

Wangji spun around with his arm out in reaction. 

Sizhui, who had been in the mini mart had darted in front of an unexpecting Wuxian and blocked two quick hits with his forearms. “Hanguang-Jun!”

Jingyi, who had been walking out of the cafeteria, ran over muttering to himself, “No, no, no, no,” dropping his books on the way.

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian breathed out in shock, headband still in his hand. 

“Let it go,” Jingyi grabbed his wrist. 

“I-”

“Wuxian, let it go,” Jingyi warned, moving his hand in front of Wangji who was nearly shaking. 

“Hanguang-Jun,” Sizhui said quietly. “Please don’t.”

Wangji snatched the headband back and shot a warning look at Sizhui who bowed his head. “Hanguang-Jun,” Jingyi moved between Wangji and Wuxian but immediately took a few steps back behind Sizhui when Wangji’s gaze turned to him. “He must not know, please.”

Wangji clenched and unclenched his jaw. 

no one asked for their thoughts on the situation 

Of course Wangji had stormed off. 

Of course Sizhui and Jingyi had pulled Wuxian off to the side to talk to him. 

Of course Wuxian was confused. “Parents and partners only? Really?”

“Yes.” They both replied. “You cannot touch the-”

“He’s that angry… I didn’t mean to pull it off-”

“Wuxian,” Sizhui started softly. “You cannot-”

Wuxian moved a finger towards Jingyi’s headband who calmly leaned away. “So you really,” he did the same to Sizhui who gently grabbed his hand and lowered it.

“Wuxian.”

“Okay, okay,” Wuxian sighed. “Okay, I will apologize to Lan Zhan.”

“Give him some space first,” Jingyi advised. 

“I didn’t mean to,” Wuxian frowned. “I really didn’t realize it was… sacred.”

“We know,” Sizhui smiled. “But now you do!”

“It’s a big deal, so I really would just give Hanguang-Jun some space,” Jingyi reinforced.

space? 

  
  


is this an emergency 

it's not like it'll wake him up 

  


it woke him up 

* * *

Wangji played the guqin absentmindedly. He played until Xichen came into the room after his breakfast. “Xichen,” he stopped. 

“Wangji,” he sat in front of him. “You look confused.”

“Hm.”

“Are you feeling better,” his brother asked.

“Mn...” Wangji rested his hands on his knees. “You have… Spoken to Wei Wuxian?”

“I have,” Xichen gave a small nod. 

“What,” Wangji paused. “What did he say?”

“Hm,” Xichen leaned back onto his hands. “Well, he asked how you were. He asked where you were, if it was okay for him to know. And then he asked if it was a forgivable offense to have touched a Lan forehead ribbon, if not having been formally permitted to do so.”

“Hm.” Wangji thought quietly. “He emailed me. At 3:53 this morning.”

“Ah,” Xichen chuckled. “Seems like it might have been keeping him up. Have you replied?”

“Should I?”

“Do you want to,” Xichen asked. 

Wangji thought to himself.


	9. Another Step Forward

yeah, he wanted to 

you've been what all weekend 

we're all confusion 

[bass boosted] DADS 

the freshmen four 

Friday night, and where was Wei Wuxian? Studying next to Lan Wangji in the library. He had shown up for the last hour and a half of his shift, and insisted on staying. 

Fortunately for Wangji, he stopped whining and begging him to ignore his homework within half an hour and focused on his own work. 

He was so focused on finishing his Ethical Response work for the night, he hadn’t noticed that Wangji’s extended shift ended 15 minutes ago until Wangji sat in front of him. “Oh. Are you done?” He looked around the near empty library. “Oh,” he hummed. “Is it okay to stay five more minutes or will they kick us out? I just want to submit this now so I don’t have to think about it anymore.”

“Go ahead,” Wangji nodded. 

The librarian started turning off lights in the final security sweep, but it was perfect timing because Wuxian had just happily closed his laptop and shoved it into his bag. “Lan Zhan,” Wuxian spoke up, following him out into the quad. “Do you want to go to Lotus Root for a cup of tea?”

“They are closed.”

“Yes, but,” Wuxian held up his keys. “We can still go!” Wangji gave a small nod. “Great! Let’s go!”

Wangji decided not to tell Wuxian his car was on campus and he could drive them over. He’d rather spend time walking to the small downtown area with him than spend two minutes in the car. 

“Do you like working at the library,” Wuxian asked.

“I do.”

“Is it because it’s quiet?”

“Partially.”

“What’s the other part,” Wuxian looked at him. Wangji kept his eyes forward as they walked.

“I like the atmosphere.”

“You mean being around books?”

“Mn.”

“Hm,” Wuxian thought. “Yes, I understand that. It can be nice sometimes, I’m sure. But Lan Zhan?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t you ever get tired of all the quiet?” No response. “I’m assuming it’s quiet at your home?” No response. “And you’re usually quiet.” No response. 

Wuxian sighed. 

“It’s not always quiet.”

“It’s not?”

“No.” Wangji paused. “It’s not. And sometimes there’s a lot of music.”

“Oh right,” Wuxian nodded. “The  _ prodigies _ .” No reply. “Which is your favorite instrument to play?”

“The guqin.”

“A solid choice indeed,” Wuxian practically skipped. “I’d like to hear you play someday!” Wangji glanced at him. “In person.” Wuxian didn’t want to settle for some youtube video. He really did want to hear Wangji play. 

“There will be a showcase.”

“What?”

“At the end of the semester,” Wangji added. “The independent studies.”

“Oh! What’s your independent study on?”

“Composition.”

“You’re composing a song?”

“I am,” Wangji nodded. “I heard…” He paused. “I heard your independent study involved music as well?”

“It does!” Wuxian smiled nervously. “I… I haven’t really touched that portion of it yet. But my study is a bit of a hybrid piece.”

“How so?”

“Since I was late to join any performance group for my scholarship, I have to put in some extra work in order to keep it,” Wuxian said slowly. “So my study is pretty heavy in regards to research for a written paper, a musical piece, and a dance. Oh, and a student survey and study. I’ve been working with Xiao Xingchen and Xichen… Which you know, since he’s your brother…”

“I knew they were your advisors, yes,” Wangji replied, watching Wuxian unlock the door to the café. “I’d like to see you dance some day as well,” he was quiet. 

Wuxian turned to him, unsure he heard properly. “You’d like to see me dance?”

“And play,” Wangji added. 

Wuxian smiled brightly. 

* * *

keys 

Wangji faced Wuxian on the sidewalk. “Do you live far?”

Wuxian pointed over his shoulder. “I live up that hill. Jiang Cheng and I have an apartment up at the end of the road.”

“I can walk you back,” Wangji replied.

“That’s not necessary,” Wuxian smiled, “It’s really okay. It’s getting really late, I’m sure your Uncle has a curfew?” No response. “I thought so,” he hummed. “You must not live around here. Do you need to call a Lyft?”

“No,” Wangji shook his head. It would just be a short walk to his car so he can drive home. 

A car sped by only to screech to a halt on the empty street. Wuxian and Wangji turned to look as it was put into reverse and stopped beside them.

“Hello,” Wen Ning popped his head out. “We are going to the Burial Mounds with Zixuan! Do you want to come?”

Wuxian sighed to himself, he was hoping to just get a couple more minutes in with Wangji. “I said I would call Yanli after I locked up again.”

“Call from the car,” Jiang Cheng leaned forward to see around Wen Ning. “She’s out with Wen Qing anyways. Zixuan is drinking his sorrows away because she rejected him again tonight.”

Wuxian laughed, “Ok well,” he turned back to Wangji.

“Hanguang-Jun,” Wen Ning spoke. “Would you care to join us?”

“I do not drink,” Wangji replied. “And I have to get home. Thank you for the offer.”

Frankly Wangji was sad to see them drive off. He was going to insist Wuxian let him walk him home. It was more or less back in the direction of his car (less). 

Maybe next time. 


	10. Wangxian First Win Maybe?

failed 

missing out 

cuties in the morning minding their business 

wen ning, reminiscing on the evening before 

nie huaisang..... the f*cks you don’t give 

baby boy mo xuanyu comeback 

wwx isn’t having it 

pls complete the mutual so i can discuss your brother 

welcome home cheater 

Complete the mutual via email 

utmost importance 

wangji is quick to reply??? 

Email me. 

wwx -> lwj 

wwx is going to slam his head into his keyboard right about now 

LAN ZHAN? 

many years 

“Wangji,” Xichen walked into his room. He paused. “You look very focused.”

“I am emailing Wuxian.”

“About?”

“You,” Wangji looked over his laptop. 

Xichen stared at him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“And Guangyao.”

Xichen sighed, “Yes, Guangyao texted me. Apparently Nie Huaisang posted a picture on instagram thinking it was his finsta account.”

Wangji closed his laptop. “Will you get in trouble?”

“Trouble,” Xichen shook his head. “I will be okay. Though with the amount of people talking about it, I have already called President Jin Guangshan this evening.”

“....... Will you get in trouble?”

Wangji was very aware of the Professor/Student Relationship policy. It was particularly drilled into the adjunct professors early on as they were most likely to lose their jobs before an investigation even started. 

Wangji wasn’t even sure what Xichen’s relationship was with Guangyao. They had been friends for many years, that was true. Guangyao and Xichen actually went to high school together, and attended university together as well. Guangyao was younger than his high school classmates seeing as he skipped a grade, but while some of the kids picked on him and how tiny he was at the time, Xichen always made sure he sat with him at lunch, and would always volunteer to be his gym partner, and chemistry partner in their junior year. 

They started uni together, but while Xichen went off to focus on philosophy and music, Guangyao kept switching his major, dabbling in just about everything. Instead of graduating, Guangyao took a year off to move back home. That year, turned into three. But he came back. Under a new major; a technical “freshman” in the department, a senior credit-wise. By then Xichen was teaching in the Philosophy Department. 

Now Guangyao was a “junior” again, and Xichen was the Philosophy Department Head. They never stopped being friends. Guangyao’s college buddy Nie Mingjue had also become a department head at UCR over the years too. Despite the fact that Guangyao was still taking classes, and with pressure from his family to finish off his initial majors as well for an incredibly strong, and albeit intimidating, education to back him up, he would be there for a few more years. 

Guangyao was supposed to move in with some friends, but he had told Xichen that though he loved his friends, he was tired of being around them all the time, and wasn’t sure how to put some distance between them. Xichen had suggested living on campus for a while since his friends were only part-time students and couldn’t live on campus. That way, there were limitations regarding guests in the dorms. 

Guangyao had taken his advice to heart and did just that. Not that it stopped his friends in any regards. In fact they visited him more once they realized that he was unable to get a double room to himself and had a roommate. 

When Guangyao wasn’t studying, he was with his friends, and when he was tired of their presence, he was with Xichen. On Saturdays that occasionally meant being at the Nie residence. But nearly every Sunday was spent at the Lan residence, or at least with Xichen. 

Wangji knew they were good friends. He was sure there was something maybe more.

But they don’t talk about that stuff at the Lan residence. 

There were a lot of closed doors. 

Closed doors.

It was Sunday. 

Xichen had spoken to the President of UCR yesterday, and Guangyao had stopped by. 

Hushed tones. 

“Zewu-Jun,” Guangyao had started, presumably, stopped by Xichen. “Xichen… What did Guangshan say?”

“Because of everyone talking, I had to confirm it was all rumors,” Xichen replied. “He knows we’re friends.”

“So you’re okay?”

“I am,” Xichen confirmed. “Though with everyone looking for something to talk about…”

“Yes,” Guangyao agreed. “I understand.”

“Are you okay?”

Wangji’s phone dinged loudly with a notification of a new email from Wuxian. The talking in the hallway quieted down. 

“It’s just Wangji,” Xichen replied.

Wangji pushed himself from his desk and made his way out to greet Guangyao. He held an empty cup in his hand as an excuse to walk into the kitchen. “Good afternoon, Guangyao,” he dipped his head. “Xichen, I am going to Song Lan’s for the afternoon. Uncle is at the University with my car. May I borrow yours?”

“Of course!”

Wangji left them. He thought Xichen was downplaying the conversation he had with President Guangshan. Based on how tired Xichen looked when he came home last night, he assumed it was a very long, and probably loud conversation. 

Wangji pulled out his phone to connect it to the car’s bluetooth. He paused to read the email.

He smiled. 

the email 

sizhuibestboy indeed 

so yes 

Sonther 

you’ve been emailing him right? 

  


so wuxian forgot to change the subject of the email he spent an hour writing... 

not only did he not change the subject of the email, but he actually wasn't ready to send it in general when he did.... messy indeed 

Wangji replied almost instantly 

tag urself i’m zizhen and jingyi naruto running down the hall 

  



	11. First Not Date, Date

??? 

this friend group :( 

0% surprised 

  
  


ITS NOT A DATE. 

  


spare details 

not a date 

What Wuxian was not expecting was Wangji coming up to the door. When he peeked out the window and saw him heading to the front he raced down before Wangji could even hit the buzzer. “Hey, hi,” he huffed, closing the door behind him. 

“Hi.”

“Ready?” Wuxian walked by Wangji quickly and straight to the car. He wanted to get away from the apartment. Inside his brother and Wen Ning had their faces pushed up against the glass watching them. 

“Mn.” Wangji followed. Climbing gracefully into the driver’s seat. He waited for the click of Wuxian’s seat belt before putting the car into drive and pulling away from the curb. 

“Oh my god,” Wuxian muttered watching him. 

“Hm?”

“a _HA_ ha,” Wuxian slouched down slightly. 

“What?”

What? What was Wuxian supposed to say? Seeing Lan Wangji driving was a sight to behold. One massive hand gripped the top of the steering wheel, and the other rested on the gearshift. He was focused on the road, but he didn’t seem as rigid as he normally held himself. His arms were more relaxed. Wuxian was sure he was thinking too much about his legs too at this moment. 

Wangji kind of had the energy about him in this moment that made Wuxian think he would 100% rest his leg on the seat, tapping a beat into the wheel while stuck at a red light. If he was alone of course. 

He paused, glancing away. “You drive...” It wasn’t a question.

“I,” Wangji hummed in… amusement? “Yes. I do.”

The ride was quiet but Wuxian didn’t mind. It was… Comfortable.

It was also comfortable sitting beside Wangji at the parlor. 

It was comfortable even two and a half hours later when open mic had slowed down and they decided to head out. It was comfortable sitting in the parking lot, not going anywhere. 

“That was really interesting,” Wangji said first after a quiet moment.

“It was. The interaction throughout the whole night was… Kind of thrilling,” Wuxian laughed. “Surprised to see everyone vibing on the same level like that. What about you?”

Wangji nodded. “I’d call it… Enlightening? Or eye opening.”

“Eye opening? Why is that?”

Wangji leaned his head back while he thought about what he was going to say. “I have never been to one of these,” he started.

“No?”

“No.” Wangji paused. “I wasn’t sure what to expect.”

“And you liked it?”

“Everyone was around the same age. For the most part,” he added quietly, thinking. “More or less had the same beliefs. Based on the response from each performance,” he explained. “And supportive. That guy… Who was really nervous... “

“Everyone hyped him up so much,” Wuxian nodded. “He did really well.”

“He did… And people… Hugged him after. Patted him on the back. Had conversations with him about his piece… No one knew him.”

“No, they didn’t.” Wuxian smiled. “They were very welcoming of him.”

“That’s… It’s nice to see.”

“You spoke to him didn’t you?”

“I did,” Wangji nodded. There was a point after a couple of performances towards the end where Wuxian had leaned over to talk to a girl at the table beside them and Wangji exchanged a few words with the group of people on his right. It happened to be the one small group of people who were with the guy. “I’m glad he found a family who believes in him.”

“Mm,” Wuxian hummed. 

“Can we go to one of these again?” Wuxian didn’t answer right away. Mostly because he was not expecting Wangji to ask, but the other way around. “If you want.”

“Of course we can,” Wuxian smiled. “I love these things. I used to go to a lot back home.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, Wen Ning and I went to a couple, but I mostly went alone.”

“It’s okay to go alone?”

Wuxian shrugged, “It’s not weird if that’s what you mean. I went to plenty alone. People do that. You can go alone if you’d rather experience it that way.”

“Maybe,” Wangji started the car. “But I liked going with you.”

“I’m surprised you came to be honest,” Wuxian said.

“Why?”

“It’s me,” he shrugged. “I thought you’d say no. Or your Uncle would stop you.”

Wangji clenched and unclenched his jaw. “He doesn’t know,” he looked over his shoulder and merged into a new lane. 

“You lied to him?”

“No. I said I was staying over Xingchen’s apartment tonight. And I am.”

Wuxian hummed. “So you don’t tell your Uncle everything.” Wangji was quiet. “Did you tell him about the… Headband?”

“I did not need to,” Wangji stopped at a stop sign. “Everyone was talking about it.”

“Okay, fair enough,” Wuxian unbuckled his seat belt. “Welp…”

Wangji was already out of the car, making his way to Wuxian’s door. Wuxian’s eyes widened and he jumped out before Wangji could even get the handle. 

Wangji, however, did close the car door behind Wuxian. Side by side, they walked up the steps to the front door. 

In silence. 

Wuxian was searching for anything to say. “Thanks for coming, Lan Zhan,” he turned to him.

_It’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date._

“Thank you for asking me,” Wangji folded his hands behind his back. “I really would like to… to go to another… With you.”

_It’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date._

“I would too!” Wuxian smiled. And silence smiled back. There was nothing left to say? Was there? “I will let you know when there is another one around.”

“Thank you.” Wangji dropped his hands back to his side. And… Silence….

_It’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date, it’s not a date._

“Goodnight,” Wangji said quietly. 

“Goodnight, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian breathed out. 

Neither moved. They just… They just looked at each other. Wangji, expressionless (though a bit tense). Wuxian, suppressing a deep and rising panic that would result in him probably just yelling in Wangji’s face. 

Wuxian started to think maybe it _was_ a date, and maybe he was supposed to… Oh god… Was he supposed to kiss him? No wait… Wangji walked _him_ back to the door. Wangji should kiss him. Did it really matter? Is that what was going to happen right now? Did it matter if it wasn’t a date? Is this what was happening?

Nothing happened, of course. Because Wangji went and just walked back to his car, quite fast, without saying a word. 

Wuxian watched him go in shock. Damn. Was he supposed to walk into the apartment after saying goodnight? That’s probably why Wangji was waiting.

“Oh my god,” Wuxian swung the door open and ran up the stairs. “ _Guys,”_ he burst through the door.

“WHAT WERE YOU DOING,” Jiang Cheng yelled. 

“You were out there for a long time,” Wen Ning stumbled over the couch. “What happened we couldn’t see!”

“Why did it look like Wangji ran away,” Jiang Cheng looked back out the window like Wangji was still there. “What were you doing!”

“Nothing,” Wuxian whined. “We just stood there,” Wuxian crawled onto the floor. 

hes dumb for it 

lmao jin ling— 

so it’s true 


	12. Exhibition Excursion

back to our regularly scheduled programming 

After seeing his tweet, Zixuan made his way through the bar until he saw Guangyao. “Huaisang?”

Guangyao pointed to the corner. 

Zixuan pushed by a couple people until he saw Huaisang leaning against the side of the bar. “Ah, Huaisang, what are you doing? We’re going home.”

“ _ Zixuan _ ,” he cried. “I don’t want to go home!”

“Why not?”

“I’m not going home.”

“Then come back to my apartment,” Zixuan held out his hand. 

Huaisang pushed his hand away. “No! You were going to Yanli’s!”

“I don’t have to tonight. C’mon Huaisang.”

Huaisang cried harder. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? C’mon,” Zixuan grabbed his hand. “Let’s go.”

rescheduling

Zixuan jolted awake to the sound of something clanging. He pushed himself off the couch in a panic just to see Huaisang muttering over the sink. “Hey-”

“Oh,” Huaisang turned around. “Sorry,” he held up a mug that was split into two.

“It’s okay,” Zixuan rubbed his eyes. “I’ll just buy a new one. Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah,” Huaisang sighed, dropping the mug into the trash bin. “I’m fine. Just messing things up,” he fake laughed. “I should go.”

“Huaisang,” Zixuan stopped him from leaving the kitchen. “Are you okay?”

OPEN.

Zixuan had texted all of their friends individually outside of their group chat to suggest cancelling their movie night tomorrow. All he said was that he thought something was up with Huaisang and he wasn’t sure it was a good idea. 

All of which agreed. And when Wen Ning texted the group chat saying he wasn’t feeling that confident on an upcoming bio test and asked to reschedule, everyone quickly agreed. 

Huaisang didn’t say anything but he was happy that Wen Ning had sent that text. He was happy that everyone just said to reschedule their Monday Movie Night. 

help me figure this out.

Wangji was already on his laptop and saw this the moment it came in.

“What are you reading,” Mianmian asked. 

“Hm,” Wangji looked up. 

“You’re smiling at your computer,” Mianmian looked down at a stack of papers in her lap. “Sort of.”

“It’s just an email,” Wangji looked back down and started typing his reply. “From Wuxian.”

“Ah,” Mianmian smirked. “Wei Wuxian… What was in the email?”

“He wants to go to an exhibition opening,” Wangji moved his laptop after sending off his reply.

“Like… a date?”

Wangji’s eyes widened. “No. A date? No.”

“Okay.”

“It is not a date, Mianmian.”

“I believe you,” she underlined a line on Wuxian’s paper. 

“It’s not.”

see you

Zixuan had just hung up the phone after talking to Yanli for the last fifteen minutes. She turned him down. Again. He walked straight into the Nie residence with a large paper bag. 

“Mingjue,” he greeted the man in the living room and kept walking until he found himself in Huaisang’s room. 

Huaisang sat up in his bed. He was surrounded by papers and books, his laptop propped up on a mess of blankets. “Zixuan?”

“I have,” Zixuan set the bag down on his chair. “Noodles, four kinds of soda, a bottle of water,” he set each item down as he listed them. “A carton of your favorite ice cream, two chocolate bars - there were three but I ate one, I’m not sorry - and this,” he pulled out a vanilla scented candle. “It was on sale and you said yours was almost gone.”

“Zixuan,” Huaisang pouted. “Why?”

“You’re sad,” Zixuan tossed the old candle on Huaisang’s desk and tossed it into the trash to make room for the new one. “If you don’t want any of it, I’ll just take it home.”

Huaisang smirked. “Daddy-”

“STOP.”

Huaisang fell back into his pillows dramatically. “For once can you just let me call you  _ daddy _ ?”

“How about  _ no _ ? This is why I don’t buy you anything,” Zixuan handed him the noodles. 

“You always buy me things. But it’s only after Yanli rejects you.”

“Okay, I resent that. And this was  _ before _ this time,” Zixuan pushed Huaisang’s books to the side and sat down. “Be quiet and eat. You should take a break anyways.”

“Yes  _ daddy-” _

“Shut up, your brother is right outside-”

“Of course  _ daddy _ , whatever you say  _ daddy _ -” Zixuan covered his mouth just as they heard Mingjue walking down the hall. Huaisang tried to talk.

“No,  _ shh _ , keep your mouth shut. I’m not getting questioned for this because you insist I should be your sugar daddy,” he said quickly and quietly. 

Huaisang pulled his hand away, “It wouldn’t be an issue if you just dated me!”

“Ugh,” Zixuan moved away in disgust. “Do you ever get tired of this?”

“Do you ever get tired of getting rejected by Yanli?”

“I resent you.”

Huaisang hummed, finally getting to work on the noodles. “So she rejected you again?”

Zixuan whined and kicked his legs. “I thought she’d say yes this time!”

we all miss mianmian

Jiang Cheng and the freshmen four were having a grand time fussing over Wuxian. “Will you guys stop?” Wuxian whined and pushed Zizhen away. 

“It’s supposed to rain,” Jin Ling said while looking at his phone. “Maybe you should bring an umbrella.”

“No it’s not,” Jiang Cheng looked over his shoulder. “You’re literally looking at Yunmeng’s weather. Are you okay?”

“He’s Jared,” Jingyi called from Wuxian’s closet. “19!”

“Can you please get out of my closet,” Wuxian said. “I’m not changing again. This isn’t a date.”

“This isn’t a date,” Zizhen mocked. 

Everyone froze. 

“It’s the door,” Sizhui was the first to speak.

hot

Wuxian was going insane. He couldn’t stop staring at Wangji while he drove.  _ Why _ did he suggest going somewhere that took approximately half an hour to get to? He hated himself. He really did. 

Wangji cleared his throat. “I, uhm,” he paused. “I found this  _ other _ exhibition last night. I was considering making it an extra credit opportunity for class. But I need to go myself first.”

“Logically,” Wuxian said slowly. “What’s the exhibition?”

“Queer experience.”

“Oh, no way! Extra credit or not, I would totally go to that,” Wuxian folded his leg. “I think you should do it.”

“Well, uhm. I was wondering if you’d like to go with me?” Wangji gripped the steering wheel nervously. 

“For academic purposes?”

“Yes. Of course.” Wangji kept his eyes on the road. He wasn’t sure if he could handle looking at Wuxian at this moment anyways. He thinks he understands why Wuxian emails him this stuff instead of asking him in person. 

Why was he even nervous? He felt like a wreck and he had no idea why.

Wuxian cleared his throat, gripping his phone like it would somehow keep him from screaming. “I’d love to. When are you thinking of going?”

“This Sunday.”

Oh.

mood

Wuxian thought he was going to be freaking out over Sunday’s exhibition excursion with Wangji throughout the night but it left his mind by the time he walked around the space, whether Wangji was by his side or not. His sole focus had become the artwork.

He found himself in the small space of astrophotography for such an incredibly long time. He let himself get lost in the darkness of the room. He let himself find a deep calmness in the photographed stars. Outside of the room was photography of air pollution. But inside… Inside was peace.

He lost track of time but when the space filled up with numerous people he finally tore himself from the room to look for Wangji. 

Oh, did he find him. 

Visually, he stood out from the crowd. The calmness that surrounded him while everyone muttered amongst themselves, carrying small cups of wine or shoving cheese cubes down their throats… Wangji stood in front of a microscopic image of a flower petal.

  
  


Wuxian walked up beside him and eyed the piece. Wangji continued looking at the piece. “I like botanical art,” he told Wuxian. “But this is different.”

“It is.”

“It’s… calming… And,” Wangji hummed. “Puts things into a different perspective?”

Wuxian nodded. “I used to love my botany course. I could look through the microscope forever if they let me,” he laughed. 

Wangji finally looked away from the piece he had been looking at for the past couple of minutes. “You took botany?”

“At Yunping Community, yeah,” Wuxian nodded. “It was one of my favorite courses. Even though it had nothing to do with my studies. It was fun.”

Wangji was intrigued. Wuxian continued to surprise him. It was almost infuriating. “Would you like to get something to eat?”

Wuxian glanced at his phone. They had been here for nearly two and a half hours, and neither of them ate before they left for the exhibition. “Sure!”

wuxian pls

Wangji parked the car and pulled out his phone. “Are you okay with music?”

“Always,” Wuxian placed the shared 2 extra large fries and their individual milkshakes in the center console. “Thanks for getting this. I was really craving fries and a milkshake.” 

“Mn,” Wangji pressed shuffled and put his phone down. 

[ _ A person who thinks all the time _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4K9xid96G3YmIvQZXN9SXg?si=d8d6eba87e4e4a57)

_ Has nothing to think about except thoughts _

_ So, he loses touch with reality _

_ And lives in a world of illusions _

Wuxian took a sip of his milkshake and glanced at Wangji. Wangji, who had eyes shut, holding his milkshake gently in his lap. Wuxian listened to the song. “Lan Zhan,” he looked back over. 

__

“Hm,” he opened his eyes. 

__

“Where did you find this song?”

__

Wangji shrugged and grabbed a couple fries. “I don’t remember.”

_ And a great occasion is somehow spoiled for us unless photographed _

_ And to read about it the next day in the newspaper _

_ Is oddly more fun for us than the original event _

_ This is a disaster... _

_ For as a result of confusing the real world of nature with mere signs _

_ We are destroying nature _

_ We are so tied up in our minds that we've lost our senses _

_ Time to wake up _

“What other kinds of music do you like,” Wuxian asked him.

Wangji shrugged again and closed his eyes. “Whatever I like.”

“Do you listen to Spotify radios or something?”

“Yeah, sometimes,” Wangji grabbed a few more fries. “Or I listen to whatever people recommend to me,” he glanced at Wuxian. “I don’t like everything I hear,” he took a sip of his milkshake. “I have liked what you have sent me though.”

Wuxian nearly got whiplash with the song it shuffled to next. “Is this  [ _ Stravinsky _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5K3o4UrAqiQViT6ExEFE5g?si=5ea08841cc6b4173) ?”

“Yes,” Wangji wiped his hands on a napkin before reaching out for his phone. “We don’t need to listen to The Rite of Spring,” he muttered to himself looking at what would be playing next.

Wuxian started laughing, “Not the Spring Rounds, that’s for sure,” he shoved a couple fries into his mouth. “Foreboding, oh god,” he laughed.

Wangji chuckled to himself. “Nothing good is going to follow Spring Rounds, that’s for sure.”

How fitting that almost instantly Wangji’s phone started ringing through the bluetooth in the car. He answered. “Hello?”

“Wangji,” it was Lan Qiren. “Where have you and Xichen gone off to? 

“I do not know where Xichen is. I went to an art exhibition. I told you about it on Tuesday,” he reminded him gently. “I won’t be home for at least an hour. I am eating right now.”

“I apologize, I thought you said you would be out Sunday for that,” it sounded like Qiren was shuffling through some papers on the other side of the phone.

“Mn,” Wangji leaned back into his seat. “Yes, that is a different exhibition,” Wuxian noted his tone changed. “Did you need me to run an errand Sunday?”

“No, no,” Qiren replied. “That is okay. My car should be fixed sometime this week. But Monday I will need either your car or Xichen’s in the morning.”

“You can take mine,” Wangji wiped down his milkshake with a napkin. 

“Okay, thank you,” Qiren replied. “I may be asleep when you get back. I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight, drive safely.”

“Goodnight Uncle,” Wangji said quietly, letting his uncle end the phone call. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Wuxian finished off one of the fries and tossed it into the paper bag. “So you’re sharing cars?”

“We are,” Wangji put his milkshake down. “His was totaled.”

“Oh, wow.”

“He wasn’t in the car,” Wangji explained, putting the car into reverse to begin the drive back home. “We typically carpool anyways. There’s no need to have three of us go to campus in different cars.”

“Yeah but don’t you get tired being around them all the time?” No response. “Well, I get tired of Jiang Cheng. He’s annoying y’know,” he joked. “He probably gets tired of me more than I get tired of him though. He makes me walk to campus a lot,” Wuxian shrugged. “I don’t mind, but we’re also within walking distance of everything. One day I’ll just get up before him and take the car and make  _ him _ walk to campus.”

“You can drive?”

“Yes, but no one lets me.”

Wangji glanced at him. “Why?”

“Something about me screams ‘don’t let him borrow the car’ to everyone I guess,” he paused. “Hey, Lan Zhan,” he grinned. “Do you think I can borrow your car sometime?”

Immediately, “No.”


	13. Queer Experience

any time buddy 

pls spare a completed mutual 

wangji spent the morning talking about wwx to xichen 

wwx, confused as to why wangji is avoiding him rn 

brunch participants this time: nmj, nhs, lxc, lwj, wn, jc, and wwx 

three days of wei wuxian is a lot. 

complete the mutual. it is the law. 

Wuxian woke up early. After the long brunch of Wangji barely speaking to him, he got an email from Wangji asking if he wanted to go earlier in the day so they could grab lunch, and not fries, afterwards. 

Wuxian didn’t know why Wangji was acting differently, but at the same time, he was grateful. He wasn’t entirely sure how he would hold himself together if Wangji was anything remotely like he was in the emails or when it was just the two of them talking. 

Which is exactly why Wangji avoided him when possible at the brunch. Wuxian made him… Nervous? That didn’t seem like the right word. Wuxian made Wangji,  _ unsure _ . Unsure of what to expect. Unsure of how to react. Unsure of why the fuck he  _ was _ increasingly nervous around him. 

Why did he spend twenty minutes alone making sure his hair was perfect this morning? For what reason? Why was he concerned? 

Wangji didn’t know. 

He needed to calm down before he saw Wuxian though. He blasted his music while he drove to the apartment. His left leg was bent and resting on the seat, left hand resting in his lap. Whatever he could do to appear more relaxed by the time he pulled up to the curb so he wouldn’t seem like the wreck he felt like. 

What he wasn’t planning on was Wuxian sitting out on the steps already when he pulled up. He put his leg back down and straightened slightly before Wuxian got in. “Good morning,” Wuxian practically sang. 

“Good morning.”

“I am so excited,” Wuxian buckled himself in.

Wangji hummed, “Me too.”

very bi

* * *

“Thoughts,” Wuxian sat down in a corner of the booth in the local coffee shop they found. “Are you going to use this for extra credit?”

“I am,” Wangji nodded, setting Wuxian’s food down before him. “You don’t need to come again though. Just answer the questions when I post them in the discussion board.” Wangji picked up his wrap.

“Ugh, king,” Wuxian sipped his iced coffee. “Thank you. I might come back another day though,” he shrugged. “Did anything stand out to you in particular?” Wangji met his eyes while he ate for a moment before looking back down at his food. “Ah. No talking during meals. Yes. Right. Well,” he took a bite of his sandwich. “Eat that then. I’ll talk to you after?”

Not a minute passed before Wuxian started laughing, “Okay, I’m sorry. I can’t sit here in silence acting like you aren’t sitting in front of me. I’m not trying to be rude, but I’m going to look at my phone if we’re not going to talk, okay?” 

Wangji gave a small nod. 

can you complete the mutual during meals?

no completion of the mutual today

wwx why would u do this to urself

hopeful

Wangji sat down in front of Wuxian again after he cleared their table. Wuxian rolled his eyes as Huaisang and Wen Ning started going back and forth about whether or not Zixuan could qualify as a sugar daddy. He flipped his phone, screen down. “So, Lan Zhan.”

“Hm.”

“Did anything stand out to you in particular? I noticed you spent a lot of time with the wall of written work. You were sitting on the chair for a bit,” Wuxian absentmindedly wiped the table. 

“Mn,” Wangji nodded. “Did you read any of them?”

“A couple that were enlarged on the wall. I didn’t sit at the tables for the longer pieces,” Wuxian folded a leg underneath him. “The ones on the wall were inspiring. What about the others?”

“Inspiring,” Wangji agreed. He paused. He wasn’t sure of where he wanted this conversation to go. “Some were really sad. Heartbreaking.”

“Hm,” Wuxian leaned forward. “I really would like to go back again. I’ll have to take some time to read them.”

“A couple were anonymous,” Wangji continued. “And in present tense.” 

Wuxian hummed. “I noticed some of the paintings, and one of the sculptures, were also anonymous. Two of them had a little asteriks with a note indicating that the person needed their identity a secret. I hate that. I really hate that. I hate that we still live in a world where people can’t just. Live their truth, y’know. It’s not right.”

Wangji was quiet, “It’s not.”

“And you know-”

Wangji let Wuxian dominate the conversation. Outside of Queer Lit, Wangji felt out of his element with these conversations. Outside of Queer Lit, he wasn’t used to these conversations. Most of these conversations happened in context of readings. Within the classroom. Or within his own pondering. Nothing more. 

So this was different. 

Wuxian did notice how quiet Wangji was. But he chose not to question it. Wangji seemed interested in what he had to say. Especially when he talked about the rallies he had been to back at home with Yanli and even Jiang Cheng. 

And Wangji thought about them all the way back home. But that stopped the moment he saw his Uncle meditating. He was quiet as he walked through the house. Every moment from the day left his head until he was in his room, door closed. 

He pulled out the information he had gotten from the exhibition and sat at his desk to start writing up an extra credit opportunity for his students. He flipped through the information, using it to help him develop the assignment.

It wasn’t anything crazy or complicated. But still formatted, organized, and academic. Not just “visit this exhibition and send a selfie as proof!” He wanted them to engage with the space. 

A knock. 

“Come in,” Wangji kept clicking on his laptop. 

“Xichen isn’t going to be home for dinner tonight, and I was supposed to have dinner at Jin Guangshan’s. Did you want to come?” His Uncle strolled in.

“No thank you,” Wangji was rereading the assignment for grammatical errors. “I appreciate the offer though. I will make myself something.”

“Okay,” Qiren nodded. “I’m leaving in two hours, so let me know if you change your mind.”

“Okay,” Wangji turned. “Thank you.”

“How was the exhibition,” Qiren asked. 

“It was nice.”

“Is this it,” he picked up the little booklet that Wangji had open. Wangji tried to grab it back. “It was a queer exhibition?” Qiren closed the booklet. He looked tense. “Why would you go to that?”

“For Queer Lit.”

“Hmph,” Qiren tossed the booklet back onto the desk. “Hope you got the information you needed.”

Wangji turned back to his laptop as he left. He sat there looking at the screen, but not reading, for a moment before he clenched his teeth and posted the assignment. 

A small notification popped up in the corner of his screen. 

  
A new email from Wuxian. 

Wangji closed his laptop. 


	14. Sandwich

“i’ll do it for the cost of 1 complete the mutual” ... this idiot 

  


Now Wuxian would not normally think it weird for someone to not answer his email (not that he emails anyone), but it was weird for Wangji to ignore him for several consecutive days. So by Thursday, Wuxian was on a mission. 

Just as he expected with his luck, he almost got caught. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian said in shock, running into Wangji on his way to his shift at the library. Wangji and Lan Qiren. “Ah,” he dipped his head, “Professor.”

“Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren held his hands behind his back.

Wuxian was sure Qiren wanted him to move out of the way but Wuxian turned to Wangji. “Lan Zhan, did you get my email?”

Wangji looked at his uncle from the corner of his eye but he was far too focused on staring Wuxian down. “I did.”

“Oh, phew,” he dropped a hand on Wangji’s shoulder, the other on his own waist. “Thank god! I wasn’t looking forward to having to reorganize that for you.” 

Wangji looked down at his hand. Lan Qiren had completely diverted his eyes and huffed. “It would have been in your outbox.” He moved his eyes from Wuxian’s hand to his face.

Wuxian quickly pulled his hand away. “Right yes. Of course. I knew that! Just… Wanted to make sure you got it. Spent some time on it, y’know?”

“I know.”

Wuxian looked between Wangji and his impatient uncle. He hummed. “Right, well. I have to go to work… Have fun studying, Lan Zhan!”

Wuxian quickly turned and practically ran out of the quad. 

Amazing how he had this initial lowkey plan to piss off Lan Qiren in any way possible by being close to his nephews, whatever “close” meant… But now he genuinely liked Xichen and truly loved spending time with Wangji. If it upset Qiren, that was just an added bonus now because yeah, he really did dislike the man. 

But that was just second to what he actually wanted.

But upset Lan Qiren he does.

“What did he email you,” Qiren asked.

“Nothing of importance.” Wangji silently committed himself to an extra hour of solitude and silence for the disrespect of the comment alone. 

Qiren huffed, “He’s just here to goof off Wangji,” he shook his head. “Best to ignore him if you can.”

“Yes, Uncle.” Another hour. 

“Yes, well,” Qiren paused. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Study hard,” he patted his shoulder and made his way to the conference room.

Wangji moved quietly to the reference desk but froze. 

Why was there a box on his desk?

He picked up the sticky note and read. 

the note 

Did he really… No…

Wangji lifted the top of the box and smiled.

Wuxian had left him a small lunch box filled with carrots, grapes, banana chips, and pretzels. On the inside of the lid was taped a smaller strip of paper that read: _One Free Tea at Lotus Root, (redeemable_ _tonight_ _only sorry)_

let’s discuss wuxian

__

“Wuxian,” Sizhui called. “Calm down.”

“I’m a _sandwich_ , Sizhui.”

Wen Ning started, “I don’t think-”

“ _Sandwich_ ,” Wuxian spoke over him, aggressively wiping down the tables. “I’m just a sandwich,” he muttered to himself dejectedly. 

“I’m unsure of what sandwich is supposed to mean without ‘idiot’ in front of it,” Sizhui mumbled to Wen Ning. 

“I think him calling himself just a sandwich is what makes him an idiot.”

“Hm,” Sizhui hummed. “Deep.”

“Hm,” Wen Ning nodded. 

Wuxian groaned and dunked a mop into a bucket. “Why can’t people just clean up after themselves? _Do you see this mess?_ ”

“Do you think he’ll show up,” Wen Ning asked. 

Neither of them looked at each other, they just watched Wuxian spiral. “Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Sizhui repeated. “I think he’ll show up.”

“It’s pretty late.”

“It’s midterms,” Sizhui reminded him. “The library is open later.”

“So you’re saying,” Wen Ning finally looked at him, “That he isn’t standing him up, he’s just still at work.”

“Yep.”

“I’m going to tell him,” Wen Ning looked back to Wuxian who was sloppily pushing the mop around, a very prominent pout on his face.

“Don’t,” Sizhui replied. “Let’s just. See what happens.”

sums it up nicely 

“I’m going to quit,” Wuxian called as he walked to the back room. “Wen Ning, please tell your sister for me!”

“Yup, sure,” Wen Ning flipped a page in his reading. 

“You should get on that,” Sizhui tapped him with the highlighter he was just using in his notebook. “He’s _quitting_ , Wen Ning.”

“He’ll quit again tomorrow,” he shrugged. “I’ll call her then.”

Sizhui and Wen Ning turned when they heard the quiet bell of the front door. 

“Is Sizhui leaving,” Wuxian yelled from the back room. “Is it his bedtime already,” he pushed through the door and paused. He laughed nervously.

“Y’know,” Sizhui shoved his things back into his bag. “It _is_ my bedtime. Thank you for that reminder. Come on Wen Ning,” he shoved the older boy’s books into his arms. “Walk me back to campus.”

Wen Ning’s eyes were wide with the sudden change but he followed. 

“Goodnight Hanguang-Jun,” Sizhui said before he yanked Wen Ning out of the café. 

Wangji watched them go before turning to look at Wuxian who stayed behind the counter. Wuxian laughed nervously again, “Lan Zhan!”

“I wanted to return this,” Wangji handed the lunch box back. “Thank you.”

“Oh!” Wuxian smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you got to eat.”

“What about you?”

“Me?”

“Have you eaten yet?”

“I have!” Wuxian immediately wanted to slap himself in the face. He should have lied and asked if Wangji wanted to accompany him.

Wangji hummed. Maybe he was hoping Wuxian had said “no” too. “Uhm,” he held up the note for the free tea. “Tonight only?”

“Tonight only,” Wuxian confirmed. “It’s a special deal. I’m not sure you want to pass it up.”

Wangji placed it on the counter. “I guess I will have to cash it in then.”

“Good choice,” Wuxian smiled brightly. 

“Do you have time to talk,” Wangji asked while Wuxian got to work on creating the perfect tea. 

“Of course! Who needs to study,” he joked. He took note of Wangji’s face. “I have time,” he confirmed. “Besides Ethical Response, all of my midterms are papers.”

“I have only one test as well,” Wangji nodded. 

“Oh? In what?”

“Advanced Music Theory.”

Wuxian whistled. “There’s an _advanced_ music theory? Are you feeling confident in the test?”

“I think so,” Wangji replied. “How do you feel about Ethical Response?”

“Not too comfy, I’ll admit,” Wuxian shrugged. “I should be fine after all the tutoring. But I can’t help but feel like he has something up his sleeve.”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like he’s going to give me a different quiz from everyone else. Or not grade me the same way he grades the rest of the students,” he grabbed the two teas and walked to a corner booth. 

“He wouldn’t,” Wangji followed.

“I know, I know,” Wuxian sighed. “It’s not ethical anyways to do that. Just… Paranoid. No offense,” he added. “Sorry. I know he’s your uncle.”

“It’s okay,” Wangji sat down. 

“Jeez, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian folded his legs under himself. “You must be really tired of me always bringing up your family to you.”

“You could talk about my brother less,” Wangji raised an eyebrow. 

“I really don’t know why you still talk to me to be honest,” Wuxian laughed. “But for the record, I don’t ask nearly as many questions about Xichen anymore.”

“When you aren’t asking me about Xichen’s workout routine, I enjoy talking with you,” Wangji held onto the cup. 

Wuxian bit down on his straw. “Do you workout?”

“I do.”

“Oh _really_ ,” Wuxian smirked. “Now, Lan Zhan…” Wangji gave him a questioning look. “I just need to know… Yes or no. Do you do the same workout routine as Xichen?”

Wangji rolled his eyes. 

may or may not 

“I can drop you off,” Wangji offered. “I don’t mind.”

“It’s on the other side of campus,” Wuxian started. 

“That’s okay,” Wangji stopped him. “I have to stop by the gas station anyways.”

????????

No he absolutely didn’t need to. He could go another three days without needing to fill up his tank. But it’s fine. He’d sit in silence tonight instead of going to sleep right away to think about it. 

“Okay! Thank you,” Wuxian hopped alongside him. “So, Lan Zhan…” Wangji did not reply. He suspected he was going to ask him another workout question. “Do you want to go running sometime?”

“No.”

“Because…?”

“I don’t run.”

“Okay good,” Wuxian sighed in relief. “I can’t run either.”

“I said ‘don’t’. Not can’t.”

“I’m aware of what I said instead,” Wuxian replied. 

what did they do 

THEY— 

  



	15. A Great Thing

“Four tests, and two papers,” Huaisang shook Wen Ning. “You’re not special Wen Ning!” 

He paused and cupped his face. 

“I’m sorry. You’re very special. That was out of line.”

“Let go of Wen Ning,” Zixuan sighed. “And stop yelling. I’m trying to study. Okay, Classic Literature might actually get me.”

“You say that every night you do Classic Lit homework,” Wen Ning stepped away from Huaisang. “You do fine on every assignment and class discussion.”

“Well it’s going to bite me in the ass now because I can’t focus, _Huaisang_ ,” he glared. 

“I am not apologizing,” Huaisang sat back down at the kitchen table. “I have no idea what I’m doing right now. I don’t get this.”

“You brother _runs_ the Political Science department,” Wen Ning reminded him. “Just ask him for help.”

“No thanks,” Huaisang shook his head. “I have a self imposed limit on how many times I can approach him with questions in a month.”

“That’s a you problem that I don’t care about,” Zixuan said. “If you won’t ask the man who actually has all the answers, then that is your fault.”

“Zixuan,” Wen Ning spoke up.

“What,” he snapped. 

“Have a Snickers,” he tossed him a candy bar. “And shut the fuck up.”

“You’re so _grouchy_ today,” Huaisang slouched. 

“It’s midterms, let me be sleep deprived and pissed off,” Zixuan grumbled over his notebook. 

after midterms 

  
  
  


after midterms pt COMPLETE THE MUTUAL 

wangji was waiting for wuxian's email on this one. 

lwj -> wwx 

someone tell them that texting exists 

clown_music.mp3 

THIS IS YOUR HANGUANG-JUN? 

one more email... he finally signed his email with "lan zhan" instead of "lan wangji" 

Wuxian barged into Sizhui and Jingyi’s dorm room only to see them and Zizhen in a cuddle puddle. “Should I leave and knock?”

Sizhui stopped playing with Zizhen’s hair. “If you want?”

Wuxian took in the scene before him. “Did you push your beds together?”

“Sometimes three people on one twin bed just doesn’t work,” Zizhen grumbled, pulling a blanket over his face. 

Wuxian walked out, closing the door carefully behind him before walking back in. “Okay, just wanted to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.”

Jingyi wrapped his arms tighter around Sizhui who started to sit up. He pouted in his half-sleep. “No.”

“Okay, well,” Wuxian crawled onto the foot of the bed. 

Zizhen groaned and pulled his feet out from under Wuxian. Jingyi grumbled as Sizhui pulled himself away from them. The two grabbed onto each other and fell back asleep, frowning. 

Wuxian tore his eyes away from them, “I’ll ask you about that later,” he sighed, throwing his laptop into Sizhui’s lap. 

“What am I looking at?”

“My emails.”

“Your emails?” Sizhui scrolled, “With Hanguang-Jun?”

“Yes. Tell me what to do. Please?”

“Should I be reading these,” Sizhui continued looking through them anyways. 

“I starred the ones that I thought were fine for you to read,” Wuxian looked over his shoulder. 

“Considerate,” Sizhui nodded, reading through. He hummed. 

“What,” Wuxian leaned into him. “What?”

“Well I think you should either ask for his number, or ask him out on a date,” Sizhui looked up.

“A date? Does he even like guys?”

“Oh I don’t know the answer to that,” Sizhui handed the laptop back.

Wuxian closed his laptop. “What do you know?”

“I know you wouldn’t have asked me what to do if you didn’t want a date to be a possible option,” Sizhui pointed out. “And I also know that there’s probably something in the emails you don’t want to show me that would probably make me email him back myself asking him on a date for you.”

“What if we’re reading into it wrong?”

Sizhui shrugged, “Then we read into it wrong. Would it be so terrible though? If anything, you have a growing friendship?”

“Wouldn’t it ruin it if I ask him out, and we were wrong?”

Sizhui suggested, “Let him make the moves?”

“Oh I’m not sure he’s capable of that.”

“Didn’t he ask you to go to that queer exhibition? And isn’t he the one to ask to talk?” Sizhui pointed out. “Give him a little more credit,” he nudged Wuxian. “Meet him halfway.”

Wuxian’s phone vibrated beside him. He glanced down and quickly opened his laptop. “He asked me if I want to get lunch tomorrow since he has work off,” he looked up at Sizhui.

“Reply, and call it a date,” Sizhui said. 

Wuxian typed quickly and closed his laptop again with a sigh. “Okay, okay.” He stood up. “Okay. I have to go find Huaisang. Thank you, Sizhui.”

“Always here to help,” he beamed. “Keep me updated,” he crawled back to the two boys. 

“I will. Have a good nap,” Wuxian called on his way out. 

Sizhui gently pulled the two away from each other and situated himself between them comfortably. 

“If Wuxian doesn’t kiss him, I might have to fight him,” Zizhen mumbled. 

“Or you could just kiss me,” Jingyi replied tiredly, rolling over onto his back and dropping a pillow over his face. 

“Later,” Zizhen pouted and dropped an arm over Sizhui. 

Sizhui laughed. “Go back to sleep.”

not allowed 

two beans are actually sick 

Wangji had no idea what he was supposed to do when Wuxian replied back calling his lunch offer a date. He nearly threw his laptop at the speed he got up and ran to his brother’s room.

He was knocking before he could stop himself. Before he could even walk away, Xichen opened the door. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know.”

Xichen tilted his head in confusion but let his brother in. “What’s going on?”

What was Wangji doing here? He couldn’t tell Xichen what was going on in his head right now. He barely knew anyways. “I’m going to get lunch with Wuxian tomorrow, but I think I should cancel.”

“Okay,” Xichen sat down on his bed. “Why, exactly?”

“It might be a mistake.”

“I’m not following, Wangji,” Xichen folded his leg, holding onto his ankle. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

How was Wangji supposed to put into words why going to get lunch with Wuxian was going to end badly for him? How was he supposed to explain that he was growing more and more confused by Wuxian? How was he supposed to explain he thought too often about what he might look like when he was dancing? How was supposed to describe the feeling he has whenever he gets to spend time with just him? How was he supposed to put anything into words? How could he when he still didn’t know why he wanted to talk to him so much, or why he had to keep it a secret that he was? “I just shouldn’t.”

“Okay,” Xichen said slowly. “If you want to cancel, then cancel.”

“No, I-” Wangji didn’t _want_ to cancel. He felt like he had to cancel. “I need to meditate,” he turned and bolted from the room. 

Wuxian remained in his seat after Queer Lit ended. He looked up from his notebook to watch Wangji typing some last minute notes on his computer from the class, probably the class participation. 

Wangji didn’t look up at Wuxian until everyone had cleared out of the room.

Wuxian closed the notebook and tossed it into his back, looking like a mess trying to make his way to Wangji. 

Wangji stacked his books onto his laptop and stood. “Is it okay that I drop these off at my house?”

Wangji’s _house_ . The place where Wangji _lives_. “Yes, yes,” Wuxian nodded, letting Wangji walk out of the room first. “Where are we going!”

“There is a small local pizza place on the other side of town,” Wangji replied. “But they have a lot of different things.”

“ _Ooh_ ,” Wuxian practically hopped beside him. “I love checking out local businesses. Oh yay. I’m excited,” Wuxian smiled.

“I am too,” Wangji glanced at him.

i hate them and their prying eyes (xingchen excluded) 

“How did you find this place,” Wuxian looked through the menu. “I kind of already love it?”

“I just drove by it once,” Wangji replied. “I have come a couple times be-”

“Lan Wangji,” an older woman came over. “I haven’t seen you since last semester!” Wangji dipped his head in apologies. “You brought someone! Who are you?”

if you don’t complete the mutual... 

Wangji looked down at his phone as the notification came in. He had just conveniently finished eating. He glanced back up to see Wuxian already looking at him, the straw from his water between his teeth. “I guess I’ll have to buy you lunch again.”

Wuxian set himself up for another ...”date”. Not that he was complaining. “Now who said I was going to let you pay for my half this time?”

“Would you like to pay your half this time?”

Wuxian thought… “No, I don’t have any money on me.”

Wangji hummed. “How was your sandwich?”

“So good, I wanted to _be_ this sandwich,” Wuxian pointed to his plate. “This is a god tier sandwich.”

“Really…”

“My life would be amazing if I were this sandwich,” Wuxian joked.

“And then you’d get eaten.”

Wuxian paused.

He pushed himself up and walked out the door, yelled, and calmly strolled back in, chuckling to himself. “Well Lan Zhan,” he grabbed his cup, “That’s a sacrifice I’m going to have to make.”

Wangji hummed. “That’s a shame.”

“Is it though,” Wuxian smirked. “Is it?”

Wangji opened his mouth to reply but Wuxian held up his hands, “ _No_ , no, I’m sorry. We need to change the conversation before I probably lose my mind.”

“Well, _that’s_ a shame. I was fine to keep going.”

“What,” Wuxian eyed him. “Why?” What was Wangji going to say to him just then?

“You’ve changed the topic already,” Wangji took a sip of his water. “So this weather…”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Wuxian sat back, astounded. “Lan Zhan, really who knew you were like this?”

“Who knew _you_ were like this,” Wangji turned the question back to him. “You’re not who I thought you were.”

Wuxian hummed. “I hope that’s a good thing.”

“It might be a great thing.”

me same 

i’m getting sizhui 

we’red he go 

  


uh huh 

  



	16. Wen Ning's Second Room?

Nie Huaisang shoved his feet under a blanket. “Can I just move in?”

“And what,” Zixuan put his phone down. “Sleep on the couch?”

Wen Ning took a sip of his coffee. “You could always keep your clothes in the cupboard.

“This apartment is huge. You literally have a third room,” Huaisang pointed out.

Wen Ning and Zixuan looked at each other. “It’s Wen Ning’s second room.”

“What do you need two rooms for,” Huaisang asked. 

“Have you ever noticed that no one has ever stepped into that room,” Wen Ning asked.

“Yes?”

“Yeah,” Zixuan looked back at his phone. “There’s a reason for that.”

“What does that even mean? Isn’t it empty?”

“No,” they both answered. 

“What the hell is in there,” Huaisang started standing up.

“It’s locked,” Zixuan said, scrolling through Twitter. “Don’t bother.”

“Wen Ning unlock the door,” Huaisang said. 

“Oh, I can’t,” Wen Ning replied. “Zixuan has the key.”

“Now that’s a lie,” Zixuan looked up. “Don’t set him on me like this.”

“I don’t know what’s happening,” Huaisang pointed at them. “But I will find out.”

“There’s not much to find out,” Wen Ning said honestly. 

“Have fun with that,” Zixuan added.

“If I figure out what you’re hiding, can I have the room.”

“Sure,” they both replied. 

“You won’t though,” Zixuan stretched. “Well I’m going to bed. In my room. Because I live here. Huaisang leave.”

“I literally hate you.”

“Pretty sure you don’t,” Zixuan called, walking down the hall. 

Wen Ning averted his eyes when Huaisang looked at him, and took a long sip from his cup.

............. do you?

didn’t want to read it

ily

you?


	17. Wangxian's First Late Night Drive

It wasn’t but  _ three _ days before Wuxian got an email notification just before midnight. 

Thursday, 11:38pm, and he finally was hearing from Wangji. 

Outside of class, they had barely seen each other or spoken much since their lunch Monday. 

?

  


-

-

Wuxian thought it was a bit out of character for Wangji to be that kind of person. The kind who needed to take long  _ drives  _ at night to clear his head. I mean, as is, this was the same guy who turned off his car when he ran into his house for four minutes because of the fumes… 

Not only was he curious, but he also wanted to make sure he was okay. Which is why he said yes, and snuck past Jiang Cheng who was passed out on the couch.

Wuxian wasn’t sure how long he waited on the stairs because his eyes were closed, up until he heard the tires pulling up. 

Wangji was still dressed in his beautiful white that Wuxian spotted from across the Campus Center earlier in the day. “Lan Zhan,” he started, buckling himself in. 

“Hm?” Wangji started driving.

“Out of actual curiosity,” he decided to start with. “Don’t you guys have some sleep regulation in your clan? Something about 9pm…”

“When it is possible, yes.”

“So-”

Wangji interrupted, “It is not possible.”

Well that was the answer Wuxian needed. He was not okay. 

Wuxian adjusted the seat, pushing it back and putting his slippered feet onto the dashboard.

“That is not proper,” Wangji pointed out.

“It’s midnight, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian countered. “There’s no one here to see me being improper.”

Wangji let it go. 

“There’s no one here to see  _ you _ being improper either,” Wuxian tried. 

“You’re here.”

“I am absolutely not,” Wuxian joked. “You can do whatever you want. You can sit however you want. You can listen to whatever you want. You can say whatever you want.”

Wangji was quiet. 

“Pretend I’m not here,” Wuxian offered. “Drive how you would drive if you were alone. You can do whatever you would do if you were alone, with me. Okay?”

Wangji bit the inside of his cheek. He could do whatever he would do alone? With Wuxian? He glanced at Wuxian who was angled just slightly towards Wangji, his hands folded between his thighs. He was comfortable. 

Wangji let out a breath and closed his eyes when he stopped at a red light. 

Wuxian watched him closely. 

Just before the light turned green, Wangji shifted in the driver's seat, lifting his other foot to sit on the seat, against his rested thigh. His bent leg rested against the door, and Wangji dropped his hands into his lap, now holding the steering wheel at the bottom with both of his hands. 

“Hey Siri,” Wangji’s low voice said. 

Wuxian smiled. He knew it. He absolutely  _ knew _ it. He knew Wangji couldn’t be stiff at all hours of the day. 

He smiled even more knowing that Wangji actually trusted him enough to do this. “Shuffle Night Driving Playlist.”

Wuxian tilted his head. He wasn’t familiar with the first song. He imagined something similar to what he played the night after the queer exhibition.

To say Wuxian was unprepared was an understatement. He was entirely unprepared for how  _ loud _ Wangji blasted it (and how fantastic his speakers still sounded despite the car literally shaking). 

“Lan Wangji, the man that you are,” Wuxian muttered to himself as he took a mental note of the song title,  [ _ Good News by Apashe _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5sSqOGfBz5CjJ9IGL8pz31?si=fb5c206425d044d9) . 

Wangji started turning down side roads that curved around so often that Wuxian was convinced that they must’ve been going in a circle. It took a moment for Wuxian to even realize that they were going up the mountainside. 

Wangji rolled down all of the windows letting the cold air in, blasting the warm air from the car at the same time for Wuxian. 

Wangji parked his car at a stop sign without saying a word. He reached behind Wuxian’s seat and pulled out a thick blanket that was sitting in the back.

  
Wuxian took the blanket and wrapped it around himself as Wangji took off again. Wuxian smiled to himself when [_Riot_](https://open.spotify.com/track/1Q2fYlSdwuutWj3QplhY9q?si=d014049bef874d78)came next and Wangji casually clicked the button on his steering wheel to turn it up louder.

Wuxian realized he must have taken numerous late night drives, otherwise why would he have a playlist? Especially a playlist of songs that seemed so  _ not _ like Hanguang-Jun. 

But then again, Wangji did say he listened to just about anything. Something in these songs resonated within Wangji. 

Wuxian felt privileged to be sitting in his car at a time like this. He wrapped the blanket around himself, folding his legs to be perfectly swaddled. He hummed the song to himself while watching the trees and houses fly by. 

Wangji took the pinpoint turn in the mountain carefully before working his way up the steep side, his car starting out slow. 

A brief silence before the next song made itself known. Wuxian didn’t even need to look to know what it was, within seconds he was laughing. “Lan Zhan, I’m sorry, you can’t expect me to keep quiet for this one.”

“You don’t have to,” he replied. “Do what you would do if you were driving alone,” he glanced at him. 

Wangji was now flying up the mountain. Wuxian bubbled on the inside. This song was one of the handful Wen Qing, Jiang Cheng, and himself would blast in the summertime, screaming the words as loud as they could. “The secret side of me, I never let you see,” he practically yelled, making Wangji laugh.  [ _ Monster  _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2UREu1Y8CO4jXkbvqAtP7g?si=68ef0fb2edb34beb) really was a summertime classic for him.

“... _ in the closet, in the hall _ ,” Wuxian pushed the blanket away. 

Their hair whipped around from the wind rushing in. The car shaking from the volume of the music. Wuxian hit the center console to the beat as he continued his dramatics to the song.

Wangji couldn’t stop smiling and chuckling as he glanced at him. He nearly missed the turn he needed to start heading back down the mountainside.

The way he yelled out the lyrics, you’d think he was telling a story, body language and all. “ _ I must confess that I feel like a monster.  _ I, I FEEL LIKE A MONSTER,” he screamed.

Wangji was pumping the breaks down the steep slope, trying his hardest not to laugh, because if he started laughing he would not be able to get them safely off the mountain before that pinpoint turn.

Wuxian was already practically growling, “There’s no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart, no one can hear me scream, maybe it’s just a dream-”

Wangji made the sharp turn, and glanced at Wuxian just as he let out the most feral, “I must confess that I  _ FEEL LIKE A MONSTER _ .”

Wangji burst out laughing, pulling Wuxian out of his focus, laughing along with him. 

Wangji was laughing? 

This was surely the first time Wuxian has heard him  _ laugh _ . “What is wrong with you,” Wangji practically cackled, his hair flying around him as he sped down the last stretch of the mountain. 

The song changed.

“What is wrong with  _ you _ ,” Wuxian wheezed pointing to the radio. “ _ Why is this on the same playlist as that! _ ” Wuxian was in tears. Wangji laughed harder. “Oh my god, you sound like a gremlin.”

[Scene - Two Roger Rabbit by Sleeping with Sirens](https://open.spotify.com/track/7la8N6YLMUDAXl2iAEe9Sy?si=2c65f01ab2b849db). 

Wangji laughed harder listening to Wuxian. “I have to pull over,” he managed to say, turning down the music. 

“Oh my god,” Wuxian wiped his wet eyes. “Oh my god you look like a mess,” Wuxian started laughing again. 

Wangji had such a bright smile on his face, dropping his head back. “You  _ screamed _ ,” he laughed out. 

“As one  _ must _ !”

Wangji patted down his hair. “You’re crazy.”

“I could say the same about you,” Wuxian passed Wangji a red ribbon to tie his hair. 

“Thank you,” Wangji took it. 

Wuxian smiled softly watching him tie his hair neatly, leaving it sitting over his shoulder. Wuxian liked the bright red against the white robes. 

Wangji let out a loud sigh, finally relaxing, “Here,” he opened the center console and pulled out the aux cord. “Your turn.”

“Oh, ho,” Wuxian threw his hair up into a messy bun, tucking the blanket around his legs again. “You better find a nice road to drive on for this,” Wuxian plugged in his phone, pulling up his road trip playlist. 

Wangji switched the audio over and pulled back out onto the street. He quickly turned down a short dirt road; a shortcut that spit the car out onto a long straight road with land stretching out on either side, the mountains rising into the night sky in the distance. 

Wuxian turned the volume up loud enough to shake the car, but not enough to fuck with the audio. He blasted the song so often that he knew just how loud it could be played. “[Oh, Death](https://open.spotify.com/track/1tTyyNcFpjF46hgG6UGWPf?si=e39afd7737e34a60) is on me, and the light is growing slowly dimmer still, I see.”

The calm night made Wuxian feel full, and alive. It reminded him so deeply of the many drives that ended with relief, even if he still felt heavy. 

“ _ I love you  _ the way you are, the way you’ve always been,  _ I love you- _ ” he yelled loudly, watching everything outside blur by. 

Wangji found the song choice interesting. He wondered what memories Wuxian had associated with it considering his reaction and how much he seemed to love the song. 

“I have never heard it before,” Wangji said when the song abruptly ended. 

“I can send it to you,” Wuxian said, scrolling through his playlist. “So Monster, Oh, Death!, and  _ this _ song… Wow. Do I have some great memories of blasting these in a car,” he laughed, playing the next song. “I apologize in advance for-  _ I KNOW, I NEVER MAKE THIS EASY. IT’S EASIER TO DISAPPEAR. _ ”

Wangji let out a laugh, watching Wuxian clapping along to the song, singing with everything he had, as loud as he possibly could. “ _ And I’m begging you, bring me back to life- _ ” he pointed to Wangji. “ _ I just can’t stand leaving you alone tonight. _ ”

If they weren’t seated in the car, Wuxian would be out of his seat with the amount of energy this song gave him. Wuxian was so into the song, Wangji pulled the phone from the cupholder and glanced at it. 

“ _[Stutter](https://open.spotify.com/track/6kFPBOtSOIlrleJNkZ6ESF?si=c0cac0d3d76f400c)-” _ Wangji looked at Wuxian in shock at the harmonization. “ _ Did I? _ ” He realized he could sing the song before, but this was… “ _ Yeah _ ,” Wuxian glanced at Wangji and winked. 

Wangji’s chest tightened. 


	18. Do You Like Mianmian?

wangji is too tired to waste his time in the ethics department waiting for no one to come. he’ll still get the credit

functiong

“Mianmian,” Wuxian barged in. “Please commend me for coming in,” he paused. “Oh, Lan Zhan.”

Wangji glanced at Mianmian before looking back at Wuxian. 

“Wei Wuxian,” Mianmian spun in her desk chair to face him. “You are  _ late _ .”

“We’re not surprised,” he walked into the office space, holding out a coffee. “Ah, Lan Zhan, I would have gotten-”

Wangji shook his head and motioned to a mug on his desk.  _ Black coffee _ . Of course he drank his coffee black. 

“I forgot you two knew each other,” Mianmian lied. They both knew she lied. What they didn’t know, was that they both spoke of each other around her… Often. She happily took the coffee. “Anyways,” she motioned for Wuxian to sit. “Let’s do this before class starts.”

Wuxian glanced at Wangji awkwardly before pulling out a thick folder. “Right,” he said quietly. “I worked on another section but I’m not sure if it’s connecting in the way I hoped.”

“It’s fragmented though isn’t it,” Mianmian slid the folder closer, pulling out the papers. 

“Yes, but,” Wuxian sighed. “But I think the two sections are too different. It feels too jarring.”

“Alright, let’s see,” Mianmian read slowly. 

Wuxian preferred workshopping with the class, but he’s been having a difficult time that he was not comfortable sharing the current piece in class yet. He valued Mianmian’s opinion, so he asked if he could meet with her one-on-one. 

Just so happened to be after he spent a night driving around singing like an idiot with the guy sitting in the corner of the office. 

Wuxian peeked over Mianmian to glance at Wangji who was shuffling through a few papers on the desk. Glancing up to see Wuxian looking at him. 

love her

“Why do you look shocked,” Mianmian laughed at Wangji. “You know what they’re like.”

“That does not keep them from surprising me,” Wangji replied. Wangji was getting particularly confused the longer the three of them sat in the room. Since Mianmian finished looking at Wuxian’s piece, the conversation was getting out of hand. Mianmian kept touching Wuxian’s arm. 

Wangji knew he was picking a part every interaction and touch between the two of them. He really didn’t know why.

Wuxian noticed. 

“I don’t know how,” Mianmian stood up, gathering her things. “They’re so predictable.”

“I want to meet this Song Lan,” Wuxian leaned back in the chair, putting his feet up on her desk. “He seems like a bean I’d like to know.”

“He is,” Mianmian agreed. “Hate to cut this but I have to go,” Mianmian glanced at her phone. “I’ll see you in class in 20,” she squeezed Wuxian’s cheek as she walked by. 

“ _ Love you _ ,” he yelled after her. He turned to look at Wangji, smiling, “Hello.”

…. “Hi.”

“How did you sleep?” Wuxian folded his hands over his torso.

“Okay. You?”

“Fine until my alarm went off,” Wuxian shrugged. “Didn’t want to blow Mianmian off though.”

“You’ve known each other for a long time?” Wangji knew the answer already. 

“Ages,” Wuxian confirmed. “I adore that woman.”

“... I can tell.” Wangji replied. “You seem close.”

“We don’t talk as much as we used to,” Wuxian added. “Because life, y’know. But I trust her with my life. She’s really an amazing person.”

“Yes,” Wangji agreed quietly. “She is. She’s bright.”

“She is very smart, yes.” Wuxian hummed curiously. “Say Wangji?”

“Hm”?

“Do you like Mianmian?” Wuxian asked. Wangji was acting weird. He was acting weird the second Wuxian walked in to see Mianmian. It wasn’t like he expected Wangji to acknowledge spending the night in a car with him to her, but Wangji just seemed so… Distant.

Distant seemed like the opposite of how he left Wangji the night before. He had been smiling softly. When Wuxian walked in, his face hardened. Like he wanted to pretend he didn’t see Wuxian just a few hours before. Like he wanted to hide it from her. So she wouldn’t get the wrong idea. 

“W-what?”

He grinned. “Do you like her? Because if you do, I c-” Wuxian paused. “What?”

Wangji stared at him incredulously. He really didn’t have any words to describe the utter disbelief.

Did Wangji like Mianmian? Sure, but not in the way Wuxian had meant.

Wuxian read his face. “Ah. You do,” he nodded. 

Did he look upset?

Wasn’t Wuxian the one who thought he did? Why is he now sad at that thought?

Wuxian read his face. He mistook the shock on his face for Wangji being exposed.

“I would have thought you did,” Wangji turned it on Wuxian instead.

“What, why?” Wuxian frowned. Sure, he piled on the flattering comments whenever he saw Mianmian. As a joke. As he has for years. But?

“The way you two flirt-”

“The way I-” Wuxian scoffed. “Well you are mistaken.” Wangji looked annoyed. “Ah, Lan Zhan, why do you look mad!” No response. “Because of my relationship with Mianmian?” No response. “It’s not like I was doing it to you,” he laughed.

Wangji straightened out his papers, “You should not flirt with people if you are not interested in them. It may give people the wrong idea.”

He was not talking about Mianmian. 

Wuxian rolled his eyes, “Well I’m not interested in her, so if you want to-”

“I am not interested in her.” Wangji looked at him. 

Wuxian hummed. “You know, Lan Zhan, while I have you here… I was wondering…”

“Wondering what?”

“Why don’t you complete the mutual?”

Wangji closed his laptop. 

Wuxian sighed. “Okay fine.” Wangji ignored him and started straightening out his desk before leaving. Wuxian pushed himself up, only to go and sit on Wangji’s desk. “But can I have your number,” he looked down at him. 

Wangji paused. “My-,” he looked up. “My number?”

“Is that okay?”

Wangji’s mind started racing. 

Was it okay? Was it okay to have the ability to  _ text _ Wuxian whenever he thought about messaging him? Was it okay? Was it okay to have the ability to receive a  _ phone call _ from Wuxian? Was it okay? Was it okay if god forbid they ever facetimed? 

Wangji’s throat felt dry. 

“That’s okay.”


	19. Wangxian Lunch

omg omg okay 

got to make the first message count 

hi is lame apparently 

he knows what to do 

chat name 

COMPLETE THE MUTUAL 

BETTER 

wangji ignoring wuxian’s plea to be mutuals 

next time 

* * *

Monday Movie Night was in full swing. 

Everyone was in the kitchen at Yanli’s this time. They were making a mess as everyone was making a different dish, having several conversations at once. 

The drinking had already commenced, and per tradition, music was blaring throughout the apartment. 

“ _Wuxian_ ,” Wen Qing yelled the second Wuxian hooked his phone up to the speakers next. 

Everyone froze. This was a throwback for all seven of them. “ _I knoooooooow, I never make this easy!”_ The food was forgotten instantly. 

“It’s easier to disappear,” Zixuan and Yanli sang towards each other.

This song brought them right back into the Yunmeng Trio’s living room. They hadn’t listened to this song together in years, but they instantly grabbed onto each other and started dancing like they had when they first discovered the music video.

Wen Ning held the spatula like a microphone, “And I’m begging you! _Bring me back to life!!_ ”

Zixuan and Huaisang partnered up as always. “Already taken me forever just to try to know! One for the money, two for the show,” Zixuan dropped down. “Three to get ready, and four to go,” they all yelled.

Jiang Cheng broke out laughing at Wen Ning and Yanli twirling around and jumping. 

Everyone was jumping around, dancing about as chaotically as the space would allow. 

_Di-di-di-di-di-did I?_

“ _Sunshine-_ ,” Wen Qing sang out over everyone.

“Blinds you if you stare but-” Huaisang covered his face with his fan. “Now I see!” He closed his fan dramatically, using it as a mic instead. 

“Crystal-” Yanli called. 

“Crystal clear,” everyone answered.

Wen Qing grabbed onto Wuxian as he danced by, swinging their arms back and forth, laughing and singing. So many happy and stupid memories came forward, allowing them all to just forget where they were for a second and just dance it out. “Oh na na na na,” everyone’s voices raised.

Wuxian jumped up onto the couch with Wen Qing, the rest still jumping around and spinning around together below them. “Stutter-” they harmonized together. 

“Oh na na na na,” the others sang out so loudly they were entirely off key, and not a soul cared. 

“Did I?” Wen Qing and Wuxian “Yeah,” they haphazardly danced on the cushions, laughing their asses off at how ridiculous, and carefree, it all was. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Wen Qing dropped onto the couch when the song ended and everyone was coming down from energy. “I _love_ that song.”

Everyone paused, _It’s these substandard motels on the-_

“ _LA LA LA LA LA-”_ everyone yelled. 

Everyone slowly went back to finishing their snacks for the movie, but the energy did not leave the energy. Everyone sang and took turns singing the verses with seriousness. The [particular song](https://open.spotify.com/track/4rstj4vgkFq49R2VV0fbxX?si=578295f828014908) was one of Zixuan’s high school faves, though he was always slow to admit it. He sang the loudest, “ _What a wonderful caricature of intimacy_ ,” he had fully given up on the dip he was making. Huaisang slid the bowl away from him. 

Jiang Cheng pulled out the mozzarella sticks and froze, “There was a terrible crash!”

“Don’t fuck it up Wuxian,” Zixuan whispered.

“There’s was a terrible,” Wen Ning nearly whispered, everyone eyeing Wuxian. 

“CRASH” they all aggressively whispered. Wuxian whacked two pans together, a second behind.

“Oh come on,” they all groaned. 

“You have one job,” Zixuan yelled. 

“It takes practice,” Wuxian defended himself.

“All you have to do is slam two pans together,” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes.

“You have to take the weight into consideration,” he yelled.

“Okay,” Zixuan replied, “So take it into consideration and fucking get it right!”

“He tried his best,” Yanli offered. 

“You said that last time,” Wen Qing pointed out.

“I’m not sure he’ll ever get it though,” Yanli whispered. 

“What was that,” Wuxian asked.

“ _She said_ ,” Jiang raised his voice, “She’s not sure you’ll ever get it!”

“Y’know what,” Wuxian put the pans down. “I quit.”

“Your job,” he pointed to the pans, “Or your job job,” Huaisang asked. 

Wuxian stared blankly. “I quit this family.”

“Good riddance,” Zixuan ate a chip, “Someone pass me the pans, start the song over.”

This is what Monday Movie Nights were about. 

cheekies 

just to be safe, of course 

i did what 

  


“build god, then we’ll talk” but make it “complete the mutual, then we’ll talk” 

the night before & after the tweet 

ouyang zizhen 

lan jingyi 

lan sizhui 

lan wangji 

lan xichen

meet outside 

ouyang zizhen 

lan jingyi 

lan sizhui 

lan wangji 

lan xichen 

I apologize. Again.

  


but they do talk bc wangji immediately told him about this late lunch

Wangji did not expect Wuxian and Jiang Cheng’s apartment to look like the way it did. It was surprisingly organized. Granted, Jiang Cheng had tidied up when Wuxian texted him. If Lan Wangji was going to be in their apartment, a little work needed to be done. 

Despite Jiang Cheng putting books and papers in their rooms, taking the trash out, and finally putting the clean dishes away, the apartment really wasn’t that bad. Everything had a place, and the decor reminded the brothers of Lotus Pier. 

Wuxian’s phone paired to the bluetooth [speakers](https://open.spotify.com/track/0hNduWmlWmEmuwEFcYvRu1?si=1cdb994f19ee44b3); Wangji was starting to see that Wuxian could not function in silence. Not that he minded. “I only found out recently that you were in Mianmian’s class,” Wangji found himself saying. “How are you liking it?”

“Oh, it’s amazing,” Wuxian replied, pulling ingredients out of the fridge. “I really love poetry. I haven’t really spent time consuming or creating it like this before though.”

Wuxian secretly referred to his phone to make sure he was making the veggie sandwich perfectly. They were missing a specific cheese, cucumbers, and arugula, but he did as Xichen advised. 

Wangji sat at the small island in the kitchen. “Do you need help?”

“No, no,” Wuxian confirmed. This was his treat. 

Wangji looked around. Maybe he didn’t do so well with silence either. It didn’t matter that there was [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/3eoNUm0LU9hATVVi9w4fM6?si=88a992fc343c49f8). He was fidgety. “Is there something from the course that you particularly enjoyed so far?”

“Autobiography of Red,” Wuxian stopped making this stupidly complex veggie sandwich to face Wangji. “Have you read it?”

“I have heard of it,” Wangji said slowly. “It’s about the red monster from Hercules’... tenth labor?”

“Mhm,” Wuxian leaned against the counter. “It’s a hybrid piece. It’s… Very well done. I really recommend you read it. Maybe you could use it in a future Queer Lit course somehow. Maybe an extra credit assignment? It’s a quick read,” he paused. “Well I thought so anyways. I read it three times.”

“Hm… I don’t think I will be teaching it again, but I will look into it regardless.”

“You aren’t teaching it next year,” Wuxian went back to the food. “Why’s that?”

Wangji hesitated, “I don’t know that it will be offered again. Or they may ask someone else to lead it. I was just doing the Lit Department a favor.”

“Why wouldn’t they offer it again,” Wuxian got to work on the second sandwich. “I think it’s great that they have the course. It’s not something I expected to even be an option here.”

“The former University President fought to have it added,” Wangji explained. 

“What happened to them? Is President Guangshan fighting to get rid of it or something?”

“President Lan Yi approached the Lit Department because she thought there was a need for the course. Once she got their approval, _then_ she went to the Board and Course Committee to make the case,” Wangji explained. “She’s on an indefinite leave right now.”

“Why,” Wuxian spread pesto onto the roll, hoping it wasn’t too much. He’ll give this one to Jiang Cheng instead just in case. 

“No one knows.”

“Well, I think it’s bullshit to drop it,” Wuxian announced. “It’s a great course. Honestly if I saw it listed again and it had different readings, I would take it again. Credit or not.”

“Really?”

“If it fit into my schedule, yeah,” Wuxian opened his text messages for a hot second. “I ended up forwarding the online readings to Ouyang Zizhen, and Lan Jingyi.” Wangji looked at him curiously. 

“Lan Jingyi?”

Wuxian glanced at him, “Yes? Why?”

Jiang Cheng came out of his room, pulling an earbud out. “Hi,” he nodded to Wangji. “Food me,” he said to Wuxian. “Thank you,” he took the plate. “Bye,” he walked away. 

Wuxian put a plate in front of Wangji. “I hope this isn’t awful,” Wuxian said honestly. “Don’t eat it if it’s disgusting.”

Wangji stared at the sandwich. This is the sandwich his brother made last week that he’s been wanting since. 

“What?”

“Nothing,” Wangji shook his head. “It looks great. Thank you for taking the time to make it.”

“You don’t know what it tastes like yet,” Wuxian sat beside him. “So if you hate it,” he paused. “I’ll give you another free week of tea to make up for it.”

a DOLLOP of pesto 

this reads gayly 

wow. phalanges. 

wOw. pHaLanGEs. 

gay on main 

just checking. 

FEELINGS! 

  


SEND SEND SEND 

[Come Home by BAYNK and Shallou](https://open.spotify.com/track/3p8LPCCe2y7cosybYJlX7Y?si=285a74819d4e451b) came on when Wangji started eating. He knew the song well. Xichen and Xingchen had once danced to it and heard it on repeat often enough. But he hadn’t in quite a while. 

He glanced at Wuxian. 

_I could never say, “This feels right”_

Maybe it felt right. But he would not say it. But that’s okay. For now he was okay if this friendship was all he would get. Despite the confusing things he was feeling towards Wuxian, he was okay if this was exactly how Wuxian wanted to keep it. 

Hell, Wangji wasn’t even entirely sure he could handle himself if they got any closer. It wasn’t okay to be looking at your friend like this right? It wasn’t okay to be thinking about him like this, was it?

_You feel uncertain. Just come home, run away from all your curses_. 

Wangji was the most uncertain he has ever felt in his life. He didn’t know where to express any of it, because as far as he was concerned: there was nowhere to do so. There was no one to talk to. That was his curse. 

Wuxian quietly sang to himself, bent over his phone, sandwich in hand. “That’s okay, this talk goes all night. How can we see the light if we’re both blinded? You want my love-”

He thought that their friendship was growing to the point that maybe, just maybe, Wangji could talk to Wuxian about it… With the way Wuxian writes and engages in class… The way he spoke at, and about the queer exhibition he asked him to… Wangji thought he would be an okay person to talk to about it. But it concerned him specifically, so he couldn’t.

This was a curse. 

_And you’re not all wrong. You’re all I see._

Maybe everything Wangji was taught should tell him that Wuxian was all wrong. But he’s far beyond his first impression. He’s far beyond the way his Uncle perceives him. Wuxian is _not_ all wrong. His beliefs were strong, opinionated, and probably unwavering. But they were backed by reason. He believed in doing right. He worked hard. He seemed to be the kind of person to defend and protect those he loves with his whole heart. He was resilient. He was genuine. He was charming. He was admirable.

_When the lights go down-_

Wangji was treading dangerous waters. At the end of the day, he struggles with the thoughts he has towards Wei Wuxian. He struggles navigating through them, and understanding them and everything they hold within. 

“Can you play that song again,” Wangji asked quietly.

Wuxian looked at him wide eyed, surprised to hear him, glancing on Wangji’s half eaten sandwich. “Sure,” he turned to his phone. 

_The world is burning. Just come home. I can feel my body turning, come home._

What if he had said something? Would this moment be any different? He wasn’t sure if it would. Even if Wuxian had been thinking the same thoughts. He wasn’t sure things would change. He wasn’t so sure he was capable of this. Not if it changed. 

And what if he had said something? And Wuxian didn’t think the same thoughts? He was sure things would change. That change, he was not capable of handling. 

Wuxian wiped his hands on a napkin in front of him, singing quietly, “You want my love, there’s only love for you.”

This was a curse. Because maybe… that is what he wanted. 

“all knowing” -lordnsaviorJC 

the feeling is mutual 

don’t be like this 

idk 

“Oh wait,” Wuxian stopped Wangji from leaving. He scurried off to his room. Wangji closed the front door again and followed him. 

Wangji stepped into Wuxian’s room reluctantly. He was not the least bit surprised to see such a darkly decorated room, nor was he surprised to see quite the music collection in the corner of the small room. What did surprise him though was the flute on the pile of unmade bed sheets, and the crayons, construction paper, and elmers glue scattered on his desk.

“What,” Wuxian looked over from a small bookshelf. 

“I don’t know if I should ask about the crayons or the flute,” Wangji looked over. 

“Ask about the crayons,” Wuxian chuckled, pulling out a tiny book from the shelf. 

“And the construction paper?”

“I leave a little paper sculpture on Jiang Cheng’s desk every Sunday to remind him to clean it before the new week starts,” Wuxian grinned. “It makes him so mad to see so he throws it out and cleans off his desk.”

“Creative.”

Wuxian held out the small book. “I have two copies, this is just the nicer one. It has notes in it, you should probably disregard those.”

“Autobiography of Red,” Wangji took the book. “Are you sure you want to lend me the nicer copy?”

“Yeah,” Wuxian insisted. “The other one is trash. The first one I got was used and already had notes in it. So I bought another one since I liked it so much.”

Cute. 

“Okay,” Wangji held it carefully. “Thank you.”

“Let me know what you think!”


	20. Sizhui Best Boy, Best Boy Sizhui

i have a job :D 

Sizhui was nervous about seeing himself dance. Seeing yourself dance in a mirror is one thing. It’s another to see it on a screen. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Last time he did the solo improv, well… It was improv. 

This time he had worked with Xingchen on choreographing. It took a while, but after Sizhui approached him one class about working on a piece outside the class requirements, he was happy to meet with him. 

It was good practice if Sizhui wanted to take the Contemporary Dance Workshop next semester. And he wanted. 

Sizhui looked to Xingchen and gave him a small nod to play.

Wuxian watched Sizhui through his phone screen as he recorded. 

Sizhui put his emotions into every movement. He let the [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/1dEHQktvcM8vCCyI1x7yVB?si=3d513ac0faba4352) move him. Wuxian could tell how hard he worked on the dance with Xingchen and felt pride bubbling up in his chest. Sizhui had called him Monday night in a panic, nearly talking himself sick with worry over how it might go, and embarrassing himself, and disappointing Xingchen.

“What if I _trip_ , what if I forget _everything!_ How do I walk back in?”

“Sizhui. Everyone messes up sometimes. It’s the natural order of things. You just try your best! I’ll be cheering you on, silently so I don’t distract you,” he had added when he saw Sizhui’s face twisted with more worry. “You can do this.”

And before class, Sizhui grabbed onto his sleeve, too nervous to walk in. Wuxian cupped Sizhui’s face. “Breathe,” he reminded him. “You’ve danced in front of them before. _If_ you mess up, improvise until you find yourself again.”

“What if I don’t,” he whispered. 

“Then keep improvising,” he smiled. “You did beautiful last time.”

“Okay, okay,” Sizhui nodded to himself.

And now here he was… Absolutely killing it. 

Wuxian raced forward the second the song ended and scooped Sizhui up into his arms. The class was blown away, excited to see their youngest classmate do so well. 

sign me up. 

the reactions sizhui deserves 

  


why’d zizhen kiss sizhui like that 

Zizhen was nearly always late for Case Study Approach to Science. Sizhui smiled softly at his phone watching the two keyboard smashing in their group chat. He wasn’t sure how they would react, but this was better than he anticipated.

Zizhen barrelled his way into the room and ran to the back of the room. Sizhui laughed, “Zizhen calm d-”

Zizhen held Sizhui’s face and pressed their lips together.

“What the hell,” Jin Ling’s voice spoke from off to the side. 

Sizhui pushed him away, laughing. “Okay, go,” he kept pushing him, following him outside the still nearly empty classroom. Eyes followed them regardless.

Jingyi plowed into them just a few paces away from the room. He wrapped his arms around Sizhui and rapid fire kissed his cheeks.

“Okay, okay,” Sizhui pushed Jingyi back gently.

“You did _so_ good,” Jingyi playfully hit Sizhui’s shoulder. “Oh my god?”

“Why are you crying,” Sizhui laughed, wiping at Zizhen’s face.

“You are a _beautiful_ dancer, and I just kissed you and I’m really confused about that Sim action,” Zizhen replied, a wreck.

“You _kissed_ him,” Jingyi looked at him in disbelief. “I wanted to be his first kiss!” Jingyi pushed Zizhen away.

“You were,” Sizhui reminded him quietly.

“No, no,” Jingyi disagreed. “We weren’t sexually aware, that doesn’t count.”

“What,” Zizhen, still crying. “It was last year. It counts.”

“Stop, stop, _sh_ ,” Sizhui waved his hands in front of them. “And stop crying,” Sizhui wiped at Zizhen’s face again before pulling him into a hug.

“What the hell,” Jingyi’s voice went up an octave. “Sizhui he’s faking it!”

“I am not!” 

“Why are you guys acting like this,” Sizhui laughed, pulling back. “If I knew choreographing a dance for you guys would-”

“ _What_ ,” they yelled. 

“No, no, no, no,” Zizhen backed up.

“I need to take a walk,” Jingyi turned. 

Sizhui grabbed his hand.

“I’m never going to stop crying,” Zizhen said to himself, holding his head. “I’m never going to stop,” he shrugged. 

“Are you guys okay,” Sizhui laughed. 

Together, “ _No_!” 

jin ling keeping track of this stuff... 

sizhui best boy 


	21. Wangji Isn't Feeling Well

Wuxian didn’t bother changing or redoing his hair. He was just going to go home to shower and get into his pajamas since he didn’t have to work. 

He was walking by one of the music rooms and paused. The sound of a soft tune was flowing through the smallest crack in the door. 

Wuxian, nosey as he is, glanced through the small window as he passed by. 

Only to quickly backtrack when he saw a familiar figure.

No way…

Wuxian opened the door, happy that the door did not make a noise. 

He thought he recognized the [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/2VgaZrBVBJqh4lMYeqN0pQ?si=af90b4440092440e) he was playing but could not be sure. Wangji hummed along, looking at the keys as he played. In a low voice, he quietly sang out, “Once I was eleven years old, my daddy told me, go get yourself a wife or you’ll be lonely. Once I was eleven years old.” 

Wuxian moved a bit closer, watching as Wangji’s hands moved with grace. Wangji continued, “I’ve always had that dream like my daddy before me. So I started writing songs, I started writing stories. Something about that glory just always seemed to bore me. ‘Cause only those I truly love will ever really know me.”

Wangji changed the pace of the song, slowing it down, playing with less certainty. He hummed quietly. The song getting quieter as Wangji probably got lost in thought. “Once I was seven years old, my momma told me, go make yourself some friends or you’ll be lonely. Once I was seven years old…”

Wuxian wasn’t really sure how to announce himself. Wangji seemed… 

Wangji turned to look at Wuxian. 

“So you sing too,” Wuxian said.

“Not really,” Wangji stood from the piano. 

“What are you doing in here?”

“Composing,” Wangji grabbed his bag.

“Oh, sorry-”

“No,” Wangji stopped him. “I have been done for a while. I was just thinking,” Wangji replied. “What are you doing here?”

“I have dance,” Wuxian pointed out the door. “I’m just a little bit down the hall. If I knew you were here at the same time, I would’ve invited you to get lunch after.”

“Heading home?” Wangji took in his appearance. Wuxian was still sweating a bit, his bun on top of his head messy. 

“I am,” Wuxian smiled. “ _But_ ,” Wuxian rocked back onto his heels. “I was going to go get a smoothie from the Campus Center first. Want to come?”

He lied. Wangji knew he did. The music rooms were in the opposite direction of the Campus Center.

“Sure.”

“You okay,” Wuxian asked, walking out of the class with him.

“I’m not feeling well,” Wangji replied. Wuxian looked up at him. He did seem a bit pale.

“You sure you want to get a smoothie?”

“Yes,” Wangji assured him.

_Full of chuckles and cuddles and sometimes, eye puddles_

_Compose love like we're Mozart_

“I guess Xingchen is still dancing,” Wuxian peeked into the dance room he had left a while ago as the [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/2GlATHCDbLW7xq5BE0Bz5g?si=c7ca18bbac3c4e80) looped to the beginning. 

Wuxian went wide eyed and speechless. His dreams were fucking coming true. He was watching the big bitch dance. 

Wuxian started jumping in place, “Oh my god, oh my god, _Lan Zhan_ ,” he hit Wangji’s chest in excitement. He turned to Wangji, startled, “Oh my god?” He looked back into the dance room, “Is today real, _is today real_?”

Wangji peaked in to see his brother and Xingchen. “If you’re going to watch, go in.”

“ _What_ ,” he turned around. “ _No,_ why would I do that?”

Wangji gently pushed the small of Wuxian’s back. Wuxian, unexpecting, stumbled into the room. The two dancers continued for a moment before they simultaneously stopped and paused the music. “ _Lan Zhan_ ,” Wuxian said through his teeth before looking back at the two, letting out a quiet laugh and clapping his hands together. 

Wangji spoke first. “He wanted to watch.”

Wuxian looked over his shoulder at Wangji with eyes wide. He turned back to Xingchen and Xichen. _Why was Xichen smiling and why did Xingchen look like he was going to laugh_. “In my defense, that dance looked,” chef’s kiss.

Xichen looked down and laughed. Xingchen picked up his water bottle, “We’re still working on it. _But_ ,” Xingchen smirked. “I’d like to get your input on this one part.”

“I’m sorry what? My input?”

Xichen crossed his arms, “I am also curious. It would be interesting to hear how your brain processes the dance in relation to the song, along with the actual movements.”

Wuxian did his absolute best to not glance down at Xichen’s massive tiddies and ignore the glorious sheen of sweat on his neck and the immaculate bun and hair piece he wore on top of his head. “How I process-?” He paused. “I’m sorry, did you just turn this into a lesson for my independent study?”

“Of course,” Xingchen laughed. “Especially since-”

“I’m getting it,” Wuxian rushed, “I promise I’m getting it to you. Soon! I’m not done!”

Xichen chuckled. “Sit down,” he motioned towards the mirror. 

“Yes, sir,” Wuxian muttered to himself, immediately planting himself down. 

Wuxian was grateful that Wangji temporarily excused himself a little bit into the dance because Wuxian was having a hard time containing himself. He was really sitting here, watching Xichen dancing, like _this_. There was no coming out of this in one piece. 

Wuxian asked them to dance it again because he forgot to think _critically_ and not about all the things he definitely should not be thinking about. 

Wangji on the other hand left the room with the too-bright-lights to go sit in the hallway. If Wuxian had walked out he would have seen him sitting on the floor, his eyes closed. 

Wangji hated that he was sitting in the hall when he could hear the three of them laughing. He hated that he was sitting out here instead of in there when he heard his brother ask him to show him what he meant. Asked him to dance. To dance. 

Wuxian dancing. 

But Wangji was sitting out in the hall. Doing his absolute best to not feel nauseous. 

“Y’know,” he heard Wuxian’s loud voice. “Mianmian told me that too. Okay listen-”

Wangji inhaled slowly. He just needed to get through having one smoothie. And then he could go home and sleep. 

Xichen laughed. “Next time.”

“This can be arranged,” Xingchen agreed. 

Wangji pushed himself to his feet, holding onto the wall for just a moment before walking back in. Wuxian tightened his bun, “Looking forward to it,” he smirked. “Ready,” he asked Wangji. Wangji nodded. 

“Ah, Wangji,” Xingchen pulled his attention away from Wuxian. “Are you still coming over this weekend?”

“Not sure,” he replied quietly. “I will text you.”

“Are you okay,” Xichen closed the lid to his water bottle. 

Wangji held still as Xichen reached out, the back of his hand against Wangji’s cheek. “Fine.”

Xichen hummed. He could tell that he wasn’t. “Call me when you want to leave,” he told his brother. “I’ll be here.”

we will never able to purify this chat 

  


“It’ll pass,” Wuxian swirled the smoothie with his straw. “Soon probably.”

“I know,” Wangji sighed, looking out the massive windows of the campus center. “I am… Frustrated regardless.”

“That’s normal,” Wuxian leaned back in his seat, glancing at Wangji’s barely touched smoothie. “It’s an annoying part of the process. But it’s part of the process sometimes.”

Wangji hummed, looking back to Wuxian. “Can I ask about the flute now?”

“Nope,” Wuxian bit his straw. 

“Okay.” Wangji took another small sip of the smoothie, glancing at his phone.

Wuxian assumed Wangji wanted to leave but was waiting for him to at least finish the smoothie. Wuxian sighed, “I gotta head home. I really need to take a shower, and watch Netflix,” he joked. 

“Mn.” 

“I’ll text you okay?” Wuxian stood up. “Get some rest though.”

“I will.”

“Feel better,” Wuxian backed up. 

not doing so hot 

before i presented the regal pec, today i offer the sacred pec 

expose him yanli 

i’m sizhui 

constantly 

wuxian’s phone 

class cancelled 

“What did he want,” Wen Qing asked turning the [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/2jPQpbzZd90opXN0cBOspe?si=f78c037e19d54267) down as they cooked. 

“He asked if I could help him make some soup tomorrow morning,” Yanli put her phone down. “That’s sweet.”

“For Wangji?”

“Yep,” Yanli opened the fridge.

“They seem to be closer now,” Wen Qing replaced the lid on the pot. “Thoughts?”

“Thoughts,” Yanli hummed, leaning against the counter, tapping a carrot against her palm. She offered, “They’re dumb?”

“Oh good,” Wen Qing took the carrot from Yanli and started peeling it. “So we’re on the same page.”

“Very… Naïve,” Yanli giggled, motioning to the speakers. “Zixuan said it’s only a matter of time before Wuxian starts coming to all of us asking us for our opinion.”

“And Zixuan is very right,” Wen Qing agreed. “On this, and this alone,” she pointed the peeler at Yanli. “Don’t ever tell him I said that.”

Yanli hopped up onto the counter. “I will tell him immediately!”

Wen Qing sighed, “What’s the price for your silence?”

“Hmm,” Yanli kicked her feet out. “Dance with me!”

“Dance with you?”

“Mhm,” she nodded.

“... A price I will have to pay,” Wen Qing reached for her phone to change the song.


	22. Huaisang Removal

as if

“Can you pay attention to me,” whining. 

“Oh, sorry,” Huaisang put his phone down.

“Were you listening,” Zixuan asked.

“No.”

Zixuan groaned.

“If it’s about Yanli, I don’t want to listen to you today,” Huaisang picked up his phone again, crossing his legs.

Zixuan rolled around on the bed. “Did you really ignore me for the past ten minutes because I mentioned her?”

“Yep,” Huaisang scrolled through his timeline. “I didn’t know you were talking about something else.”

“You’d know if you  _ listened _ ,” Zixuan pointed out. 

Huaisang reached over Zixuan and grabbed his phone to turn the [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/1USj0dJqfBxnOiwiOuB7pU?si=91b81a5521494374) up, never taking his eyes off of Zixuan. 

_ What a day, what a day, what a morning when I realize. I was cautious but I’m guilty, I’m in love. _

Huaisang dropped back onto the extravagant and insanely overpriced pillows and turned back to his phone.

Zixuan picked up his phone and typed out the lyrics.

darling

Huaisang glanced at him. “ _ Take me, take me, take me back _ ,” Zixuan sang in faux desperation, draping himself over the smaller man. 

Huaisang rolled his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.”

“You only respond to dramatics,” Zixuan pointed out. He sat up, “Did you really ignore everything I said?”

“Yeah, I did,” Huaisang answered. 

“Why?”

Huaisang gave him a pointed look. 

“Okay, yeah, yeah,” Zixuan got up and shuffled across the room. “I know.”

“And yet you keep going.”

“I’ll stop the day you stop calling me daddy,” Zixuan opened his closet. 

“The day I stop calling you daddy is the day I die,” Huaisang replied. “And I’m not dying until you call me baby.”

“I will absolutely  _ not _ do that, but thank you,” Zixuan pulled out his pajamas. 

Wen Ning poked his head through the door. “It’s 11pm,” he pointed out. 

“Ugh,” Huaisang immediately went limp. 

“Take him,” Zixuan nodded to Wen Ning.

“Let’s go,” Wen Ning strolled in, beelining towards Huaisang. 

“No.”

“Come on,” Wen Ning picked up the small but suddenly heavy Huaisang.

“No.”

“Cooperate,” Wen Ning grunted, tossing him over his shoulder.

“No.”

“Bye Huaisang,” Zixuan called, not sparing a second glance. 

“I resent you both.”

“You have to go home,” Wen Ning replied. 

“No.”

Zixuan changed his clothes, listening to Huaisang trying to race Wen Ning back to the door from outside the apartment. 

“Huaisang removal is complete,” Wen Ning called. “Now I'm going to sleep.”

“Night Wen Ning.”

huaisang rights


	23. Sick!Wangji

“Xichen,” Wuxian walked up after class as everyone was clearing out.

“Hm?”

“Can I ask for your address?”

Xichen’s eyes widened just slightly. “My address?”

“For your brother,” Wuxian said quickly. “Is that okay? I’d like to bring him some soup. He’s sick right?”

“He… Is, yes,” Xichen nodded. “I can tell you, but Wangji will not answer the door. If he even wakes up.”

Wuxian frowned, “Oh. Right, of course.”

Xichen looked at his phone. “But,” he closed his laptop. “I have a bit of time before my next class. I could open the door for you?”

Wuxian hummed, “I have to go home and get the actual soup. It might need a little bit more time.” Wuxian shook his head, “It’s okay. Maybe another time. Or I can give you the soup later today? I could come back to campus?”

Xichen would see no issue with that plan. Except for the fact that he didn’t want Wuxian to do that. “No it’s okay. I’ll go home and unlock the door. I’ll stay for a little while, but if I miss you, just lock up on your way out.”

Wuxian smiled. “Really?”

Xichen nodded. “I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay, okay,” Wuxian started backing out. “I’ll go check on it now, and then I’ll steal Jiang Cheng’s car.”

give me ur car 

Wuxian adjusted the seat in Jiang Cheng’s car, making sure the soup was secured again before he finally set off towards Wangji’s. He had only seen the house once, from the outside, for just a few minutes. 

He was curious how it would look inside. He always imagined that Xichen would be the kind to fill a home with books and books, and that Wangji would be the kind of person to surround himself with pretty things. Pretty fabrics, maybe some jewelry he never wore because it was too flashy. 

Then again… Why would he? Seemed a bit… odd for someone like Lan Wangji to surround himself with pretty and expensive items that he couldn’t even flaunt. Flaunt was not a word that could stand in the same sentence as Hanguang-Jun. 

Wuxian played his [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/1RKytJX5Lpe8yJm1Jx7XU5?si=d461061d017f4799) loud, distracting himself from the unfounded nervousness that was settling in his stomach. What the hell was wrong with him? He was just bringing some soup by…

Until he pulled up to the house and…

Well he just sat there. Staring at the front door. 

He needed to get his ass out of the car before the soup got cold. Especially if Wangji was awake. 

Wuxian inhaled slowly before he set off. Despite his determination to set foot in this house, he froze with his hand on the handle. 

He opened the door cautiously. He knew no one else was home from the lack of cars, but he was still anticipating a wild Lan Qiren to show up and chew him out for stepping foot in his home. 

“Lan Zhan?” He closed the door behind him. 

The house was… Cool. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t as toasty as he made sure his apartment felt.

“Lan Zhan,” he sang out quietly. 

Wuxian took in the house as he moved forward, looking for Wangji’s room. To his left was the kitchen and it looked like the dining room further beyond it. To his left, the living room? 

Wuxian fully felt like he was intruding. The house lacked unnecessary decorations, but the decorations that were there were definitely expensive. 

The atmosphere felt calm. “Lan Zhan,” he turned down a hallway. The first door was a cold bathroom. The second door he tried must have been Lan Qiren’s room. It was the most bland room he had ever seen.

The third door he tried was cracked open. 

Maybe he should open his damn eyes. Xichen probably left the door open so he would know which room was Wangji’s. “Dumbass,” he muttered to himself, gently knocking on the door before pushing it open.

Wuxian bent over immediately, clutching the soup to his chest. “Oh my god,” he breathed out quietly. 

Wangji was passed out, a fuzzy blanket twisted haphazardly around his legs, laying down on a giant body pillow, clutching another fuzzy blanket in his palms. His cheek was smooshed against his pillow, mouth just slightly parted. 

“I’m going to die,” Wuxian said confidently to himself. 

Wuxian walked into the room, glancing at Wuxian’s desk. It was neat, a fine and probably expensive, pen collection displayed with precision. There were no papers, notebooks, or textbooks anywhere to be seen, just Autobiography of Red, with a red ribbon for a bookmark. He smiled to himself. There was a guqin set up in front of his window, on either side of the window were tall narrow white shelving with few but varying contents. 

Wuxian turned to look at Wangji again only to see a large, fluffy bunny plushie behind Wangji’s back. Wuxian squeezed his eyes shut again and hugged the container of soup. 

Oh my _god_ , he sandwiched himself. 

Of all ways Wuxian imagined Wangji sleeping, this was not it. Not surrounded by all things soft, legs wrapped around a body pillow, and definitely not with his hair in a messy knot. 

He smiled softly and knelt down beside the bed. “Lan Zhan,” he poked his cheek. Wuxian screamed internally. 

No movement. Wuxian gently shook his shoulder. “Lan Zhan?”

“Hm?” Wangji hadn’t even said a word and he sounded _sick_ . His eyes were shut, his brow furrowed in confusion. “ _Ugh_ ,” he rolled back, onto the bunny plushie, and reached for his eyes. 

“I’m sorry.”

Wangji squinted one eye open before rubbing his eyes again. “What are you doing here?” His nose was stuffed and his voice sounded like pure _gravel_.

“You sound awful.”

“Mn.” Wangji groaned, trying to push himself up; he didn’t. He settled for propping himself up just slightly. 

“I brought you soup.”

Wangji was still squinting, the room too bright from the sunlight coming through the window. “Soup?”

“Yes, soup,” Wuxian placed it on the bedside drawer and went to close the curtains. He closed just one to dim the room, turning just in time to see Wangji covering the plushie with a blanket. 

Wangji grabbed the soup. “Do you want it now,” Wuxian asked. Wangji nodded. 

Wangji held onto the warm soup, waiting for Wuxian to come back with a spoon. Warm… He was sweating a bit… But it felt nice against his tummy. 

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian walked back in to see a sleepy Wangji, head down against the pillow. Wuxian pulled the desk chair over and sat beside the bed. “Lan Zhan,” he brushed a loose piece of hair away from his face.

“Hm,” Wangji stirred. 

Wuxian held out the spoon. “Have a bit of soup before you go back to sleep.”

Wangji glanced around. “Should not eat in bed.”

Wuxian winced listening to him. His voice really was awful. “I think this can be an exception, hm?” Wuxian helped Wangji lean forward so he could fluff his pillows up. This way, Wangji could sit up a bit more for his soup, but still feel comfortable enough. “Here,” Wuxian opened the top of the container slowly for Wangji.

Wangji watched him focus on the soup, careful to not drop anything onto the comforter but rather the napkin he had taken from the kitchen. “Thank you,” he said, reaching for his hair, pulling it down. 

Wuxian glanced over to see Wangji running his fingers through his hair, trying to look presentable. “You don’t need to do that, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian said quietly, passing Wangji the spoon. Wangji continued to fix his hair regardless for a moment more before taking the spoon.

Wangji ate slowly. Very slowly. It looked like he was having a hard time swallowing anything; he looked like he was in pain. Panic washed over Wuxian. Was the soup bad? Was Wangji just trying to be nice by eating it? “Is it bad?” Wangji looked at him with tired eyes. He shook his head. “Are you sure? If it’s bad don’t eat it-”

Wangji shook his head again, “Just hurts,” he whispered. 

Wuxian breathed a sigh of relief. That’s good to hear. Wangji was in pain from being _sick_ , not because of his lack of cooking skills. “Eat what you can,” he advised. “It doesn’t need to be all of it.”

“I didn’t,” Wangji stopped, swallowing slowly, wincing. 

“Didn’t,” Wuxian thought. “Didn’t eat?” Wangji nodded, trying for more soup. “Hm, then don’t eat too much now. You don’t want to throw up.” Wangji paused, lowering the spoon. 

“Wuxian,” Wangji whispered, lifting his soup. “Take it,” he sniffed. “Take it-”

Wuxian grabbed the soup from Wangji just as he sneezed. He jerked forward, sneezing into his elbow, the sound loud enough to make Wuxian jump. It sounded like it hurt. “Ugh,” Wangji groaned, reaching over to his other bedside drawer for tissues. He blew his nose and immediately went into a coughing fit. “I can’t,” he reached for the glass of water by his bed, finishing it off. “I’m sorry.”

“Finish the soup?” Wangji nodded. “Lan Zhan, don’t apologize! At least there’s something in your stomach,” he closed the soup. “Really it’s okay.”

Wangji sniffled and let his body relax back into the pillows. Sighing when he heard his phone buzz. Wuxian glanced at the screen beside him. “It’s Xichen.” 

“Okay,” Wangji closed his eyes. If it was important he’d facetime Wangji. 

Wuxian watched as Wangji started to slip back into sleep. He pulled his phone from his pocket, typing in the [song](https://open.spotify.com/track/6oR3lQqRqbm0j54OGRc1mb?si=586e1c75d8db4390) that was paused on Wangji’s phone. He was always curious about what Wangji was listening to. His music taste always surprised him. 

This, however, wasn’t that surprising to hear. 

_Please do not break my heart,_

_I think it's had enough pain to last the rest of my life_

Wuxian clicked through the artist’s music, to see what else they had to offer. Movement caused Wuxian to look up. Wangji was shifting around uncomfortably. 

Jeez, what the hell was he still doing here? He was just supposed to drop soup off. “I’m going to head out,” Wuxian stood, moving the soup over to the desk. “I’ll leave this here in case you want to heat it up.” Wangji started to sit up. “Oh lay down, lay down,” Wuxian grabbed the chair to return it. 

“Wei Ying!” Wangji stopped him. Wuxian froze, processing. He turned around to see Wangji’s nervous and unsure expression. He looked remarkably innocent in the moment. “... stay.”

Stay? He wanted him to stay? Wuxian smiled, “Okay, Lan Zhan,” he placed the chair back. He tried to decipher Wangji’s expression. “You lay back down. I’ll get you more water.”

Wuxian nearly ran out of the room. He needed a moment to process and internally scream. Wangji took it as a bad sign however. 

He practically just ran out the room. He didn’t want to stay. Why did he even want Wuxian to stay? 

Surely they’re friends. But...

Do friends do this? Bring soup over? Sit next to you even when you’re incredibly sick, probably about to throw up said soup they brought? Do they tell you it’s okay if you look like a mess? 

_I don’t have much to compare to this_ , Wangji thought miserably to himself. He wasn’t entirely familiar with what having a best friend entailed. Was this that? 

Well… Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan were technically best friends… They care deeply for each other. They would care like this. They would do this. 

This must be normal. 

I would do the same for him.

Yes, this is normal. 

But was it really? Was it normal for Wangji to _want_ Wuxian to stay? Was it normal to want Wuxian to take care of him? Was it normal to be this worried about Wuxian not wanting to stay? Because really who would want to? Who would want to hang around Wangji when he sounded and looked awful?

Wangji slumped down and wrapped his arms around his body pillow. Wuxian probably already left for all he knew.

God… Was it normal to be this _upset_ about it? 

_What’s wrong with you_ , Wangji thought to himself miserably. He really was losing it. _You’re embarrassing yourself_. Wangji buried his face into the pillow. 

Wuxian hummed quietly as he walked back in, holding a full glass of water. Wuxian nearly doubled over in devastation looking at a sleepy Wangji, who was watching him closely. “Wei Ying,” he whispered when Wuxian got closer. 

“Hm?”

“Are you staying,” he pouted, cheek smooshed against the pillow, his hair falling over his shoulders. 

“Just for a bit more,” Wuxian sat down. “You should rest.”

Wangji mumbled in pout. Wuxian could not make out what he said, just watched him cough and snuggle against his pillow. 

Wuxian waited a while in silence until he started to question why he was there. Why _was_ he here? Why was he broken up over needing to make Wangji soup last night as if he wouldn’t have had any ever otherwise. 

He had to force himself to put the chair back in its place before he poked Wangji’s cute puffy cheeks. He did, however, push Wangji’s hair back over his shoulders and away from his neck. He should have kept his hair up earlier. 

Wangji reached out and grabbed Wuxian’s wrist. Wuxian slowly pulled from his grab, urging himself to _not_ hold onto his beautiful, beautiful fingers, but rather place them on the fuzzy blanket. Wangji curled his fingers around the blanket. 

that broke me 

CHEEKIES and devastation going into overdrive 

  
  


better 

  
  



	24. Ups and Downs

Wen Ning walked in with a large box, “Zixuan,” he called into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him. “This was sitting outside for you,” he paused, setting the box down slowly. “Zixuan?”

“What,” Zixuan yelled from his room. 

“ _Package_ ,” Wen Ning yelled back. 

Zixuan padded down the hallway. “I have to go, I’ll text you,” he said to someone on his screen. 

“Who was that?”

“Your sister,” Zixuan placed his phone down on the counter. Wen Ning tilted his head in confusion. “Yanli asked her to give me an update.”

“On what,” Wen Ning sat at the kitchen island. 

“Oh _yes_ ,” Zixuan cut the box open only to see another two boxes. “Perfect.”

“What is it,” Wen Ning peered into the larger box. 

“It’s for Huaisang” he replied, lifting a box from inside. “Snack box,” he added, grabbing the box. “And a tea box.”

“Snacks… I love snacks.”

“Our boxes should be coming soon,” he assured Wen Ning.

“Oh good,” he smiled to himself. 

of course 

i know ur sick but can u spare a mutual 

wangji saw the tweet. 

for once 

x2 

i’m zizhen 

hes persistent 

it’s wuxianphobic 

STOP 

Wangji put up a great front in Art and Philosophy. He walked in seconds before class started and sat perfectly poised. Wangji did not raise his hand, and Xichen did not call on him. He looked much better than he did the week before, but he still looked so tired. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian jogged to catch up to him after class. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

“Are you going to work after this,” he asked. 

“No. I’m going home.”

“Oh good,” Wuxian nodded. “You should get some more rest. Your voice sounds better than it did!”

“My throat feels better.”

“Good, good,” Wuxian nodded. 

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Stopping by,” Wangji replied. “And the soup. I appreciate the gesture.”

The gesture. “Ah,” Wuxian nodded. “Anytime,” he held his books to his chest as they walked. “When you’re feeling up to it we should hang out.”

“Hang out,” Wangji hummed. “What would you like to do?”

“Don’t know! We can find something,” Wuxian replied. “Food, Netflix, museums, whatever,” he shrugged, glancing up at Wangji from the corner of his eye. 

“Okay,” Wangji nodded, holding the door to the class open for Wuxian.

Wuxian smiled to himself and walked into the room.

late for work 

Wen Chao had been looking forward to this day for a while. He always wanted a reason to approach Wei Wuxian. He nearly did the day he saw Wuxian outside his apartment. Sometimes it was a curse living so close to him; he was so loud. But now he was walking straight towards him. 

“Wei Wuxian,” he smirked.

Wuxian looked up from his phone. “I’m sorry, do I know you?” He glanced between Wen Chao and Jin Zixun. 

“We’re neighbors,” Wen Chao pointed out.

“Well that’s unfortunate,” Wuxian started, “That we haven’t met that is.” He paused, “Sorry, how do you know me?”

Zixun scoffed. “You’re kidding right?”

“I’m… I’m really not.”

see you in like 15 

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Zixuan turned the corner to see Wuxian with his cousin and Wen Chao. 

Well that can’t be good. 

“You want to wipe that stupid smirk off your face,” Wuxian added. Zixuan moved towards them.

“Wei Wuxian,” Zixuan called.

Wuxian didn’t turn around. “Ah, Zixuan,” Zixun turned to him. “You might want to tell your… friend, to calm down. People are talking.”

“Maybe people should mind their own fucking business,” Wuxian offered. 

Zixuan glanced around the tense bodies, “I don’t know what’s going on but-”

“What’s going on,” Wuxian spit out, “Is your ass kissing cousin and this sociopath think they can dictate my life because it makes them uncomfortable-”

Wen Chao scoff, “You-”

“Don’t fucking speak to me,” Wuxian laughed. 

Zixuan looked at Zixun, “Just keep walking,” he told him. 

“Hey,” Zixun raised his hands, “Not looking for any trouble-”

“Yeah, bullshit,” Wuxian stepped towards him, stopped by Zixuan’s arm. 

“Let’s go,” Zixuan said firmly. 

Wuxian didn’t move until Zixun and Wen Chao walked off, muttering and snickering to themselves. He angrily shoved Zixuan away from him and kept going. He was fucking late now. Because of those fucking idiots. 

“Wuxian,” Zixuan followed Wuxian into the cafe. “Wuxian-”

“Don’t-” he warned Zixuan. “If you heard what they said-”

“Wei Wuxian,” Zixuan lowered his voice. “Don’t come here if you’re going to be like this. Walk out of Lotus Root until you’ve calmed down.”

A few heads were already turned towards them. 

“Let’s take a walk,” Zixuan offered. Wuxian stayed where he was. “Let’s go. Don’t do this in here.”

aHAha 

i’m sorry 

drop an address. 

  


:S 

have they met huaisang 

  


this is gonna be a long rant, buckle in buddies 

  
  
  
  
  


Wuxian spent the last two hours with Xichen and Xingchen in the dance studio. Working on the choreo for Shot Clock, freestyling, and just goofing off. Wuxian needed the release. He didn’t mind the sweat or the ache in his body from the non stop movement. 

He felt so… Angry lately. Angry? Was angry the right word? Maybe he was just frustrated. While he should be using the frustration to drive him, it felt like it was starting to hold him back.

Wangji heard [ _1999_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/05mAIVLkIWc2d1UBYZBCp8?si=3d27e2835e674dc8)blaring through the speakers in the dance studio before he even reached it. He assumed Xichen and Xingchen were done for the day by the sounds of it. But he turned the corner and saw Xichen lying down on the ground texting. 

Wangji watched as Wuxian and Xingchen’s singing and freestyling slowly turned into voguing and laughing. 

Xichen glanced up at Wangji, “Hey,” he pushed himself from the floor.

“H-”

“ _I just wanna go back,_ ” Wuxian jumped over to Wangji, grabbing his hand and spun him around, “ _Back to 1999, take a ride to my old neighborhood-_ ” Wuxian danced over to his water bottle. 

Wangji blinked in surprise. Xingchen slowly turned the music down slightly as the song changed. Wangji cleared his throat, “Are you ready to go home,” he asked his brother.

“I can take Xichen home,” Xingchen sat on the ground, “If you need to leave now anyways.”

“I can wait.”

Xichen glanced around Wangji to see Wuxian peek over. “Why don’t you take the car anyways,” he reached into his bag for the keys. Xingchen looked between them all with interest. 

“Okay well,” Wuxian walked over to them with his bag slung over his shoulder and said his goodbyes. “I need to head out if I actually want to study tonight,” he laughed. “Oh, and can I text you that thing I was talking about,” he asked Xichen. “I’ll probably forget to actually print it out for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, go for it,” he shrugged.

“Oh,” Xingchen stopped him, “Send me the link to that song?”

“[ _Wildfire_](https://open.spotify.com/track/45mnAtRP2f85mEjmRFv6ek?si=789bbbcb14c54c69), right yes! I’ll do that first,” he pulled out his phone to send him the link. “If you do do something with it, lemme know,” he called on his way out, putting his earbuds in.

Wangji glanced at the two on the floor. “I will see you later,” he said, quickening his pace to catch up with Wuxian. 

Xichen sighed, “I need to stop making friends with students.” He pushed Xingchen’s leg, “You were supposed to stop me from doing that again.”

“ _Me_?” Xingchen shook his head. “Don’t put me in this one. Besides, it’s different when Wangji is involved.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that,” Xichen replied. 

Xingchen thought before he spoke. “Wangji is friends with Wuxian,” he pointed out. “You can’t be his professor 24/7. What if he’s eating dinner at your house? Are you going to lecture him about philosophy and music?”

Xichen bit the inside of his cheek. “Well… Uncle wouldn’t allow him for dinner, I’m sure. And if he did, he would lecture him enough so I wouldn’t have to.”

“I get that you’re joking,” Xingchen replied, “But I know you’re also not and that’s just sad.”

“Yeah,” Xichen pushed himself up with a sigh, “I know.”

Wangji knew too. He knew his Uncle might actually lose it if he realized how close Wangji was getting to Wuxian… Even more so if he had any inkling about the way Wangji thought about Wuxian the more they spent time together.


	25. Spooks and Lord Voldemort

“Wei Ying,” Wangji reached out, knowing Wuxian couldn’t hear him. 

Wuxian jumped and pulled away, “ _Jeez_ ,” he gripped his chest. “You scared me,” he hit Wangji’s shoulder jokingly. 

“Sorry-”

“It’s okay, what’s up?”

Wangji hadn’t thought much ahead. “Hm?”

“What’s up?” Wuxian repeated. 

“Oh,” Wangji nodded. “Did you want to… Hang out?”

“Hang out?”

“Mn. ‘Food, Netflix, museums, whatever’.”

Wuxian couldn’t help but start smiling just a little. 

So that’s how they got here, in Wuxian’s apartment with a bag of snacks from the store. “Can I borrow the HDMI,” Wuxian asked Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng looked between the two with his mouth full of noodles. “Just watch TV in here?”

Wuxian was already looking for the HDMI cord in the drawers under the TV. “We’re going on Netflix and my speakers are shit on my laptop.”

“Well that sucks-”

“Why?”

“Wen Ning borrowed our HDMI cord,” JC shrugged.

“What, why,” Wuxian leaned back. 

“I broke theirs…”

“I’m,” Wuxian paused. “I’m not even going to ask,” he pushed himself to a stand.

“Just watch Netflix in h-”

“Keep watching your sitcoms,” Wuxian waved, pulling Wangji into his room. “Okay, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian started moving around his room. “Thoughts on ghost shows?”

“I have no preference.”

“Great! Ghost shows it is,” Wuxian piled more pillows against his headboard and grabbed a small speaker from his bedside drawer. “Get our spooks on.”

“Spooks.”

“Spooks!” Wuxian tossed two books and a notebook onto the bed next to the small pile of snacks they bought. “Love me some spooks,” he mumbled to himself as he clicked away on his laptop. 

Wuxian paused and looked up, “Come on, Lan Zhan,” he patted his bed. 

Wangji felt like a wreck inside. Wuxian turned down the perfectly good couch for his dark bed. Wangji could not believe it. 

But regardless, Wangji sat down, neatly folding his legs and placing his notebooks in front of him. Homework and Netflix was his idea after all. 

Wuxian clicked his tongue in disapproval. “You don’t need to do that.”

“What?”

“Sit so… proper.” Wuxian took in Wangji’s posture. It was too perfect. Too straight.

He hated it. 

“Just,” Wuxian pushed Wangji’s shoulders back, making him relax back. Wangji was thrown off by the action. “Relax. You really don’t need to be so proper around me,” he reminded Wangji.

Wangji gave it a moment but he felt on edge. He quietly straightened himself again, calmly placing his hands on his knees. Wuxian sighed quietly but let it go.

PROVIDE US A PLAY BY PLAY 

jiang cheng entered the chat 

the play by play 

xichen doesn’t know what to make of this 

  


“Okay,” Wuxian sighed. “Do you want to call it here?”

“What?” Wangji stopped himself from taking a bite of a twizzler. Wuxian took in the sight of Wangji. It was an absolute shame that he was going to have to kick Wangji out. Wangji, who had been rigid and stiff when he had first come in. Wangji, who was now leaning back against the pillows. Wangji, who now had his legs curled up and resting on Wuxian’s folded knee. Wangji, who draped a blanket around himself despite the room being warm. Wangji, who had already eaten a handful of twizzlers and clearly wasn’t done. “We have a few more episodes for this season,” he pointed out quietly, lowering the twizzler to his lap. 

“I know,” Wuxian replied sadly. “But it’s nearly 11,” he pointed out. “Don’t you have to go home for curfew?”

Wangji looked down at the hand Wuxian hadn’t realized he placed on Wangji’s knee. “Yes.”

“I mean… Do you want to stay?”

Wangji looked up at Wuxian, “Yes.” He considered reaching out for Wuxian’s hand. 

Considered. 

“But,” Wangji cleared his throat. “I can’t.” Wuxian pulled his hand back. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry,” Wuxian pulled out a smile from somewhere inside himself, “Why are you sorry? It’s okay, I get it.” But that didn’t mean he wasn’t sad about it. 

Wangji quietly straightened himself and pushed himself off the bed. “Thank you,” Wangji said, taking his books from Wuxian’s desk, “For buying dinner.”

“No worries,” Wuxian followed him out of the room, only momentarily pausing when he saw Wen Qing sitting up on the couch reading a book. “Are you okay to drive home?”

“Yes,” Wangji glanced at Wen Qing who quietly pulled her phone off the armrest. “I’m not tired.”

“Text me,” Wuxian paused, “When you’re home.”

“Mn,” Wangji nodded.

“ _Or_ ,” Wuxian grinned, “Better… You can complete the mutual?”

“Ah,” Wangji thought, opening the door. “No.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian pouted. 

“Goodnight,” Wangji hesitated. “Wei Ying,” he looked back.

“Hm?”

“We can… Do this again?”

Wuxian smiled softly, “Of course.”

Wangji hated this curfew. He hadn’t it so deeply in the moment. If he could, he would have stayed longer. Maybe he would have accidentally fallen asleep. Maybe Wuxian would have let him stay the night. Maybe…

“Lan Zhan,” he heard Wuxian’s muffled voice from inside his car. He put the car back into park and rolled the window down. “Here,” Wuxian leaned in, holding out the package of twizzlers. 

meanwhile they were spying 

he asked him to complete the mutual 

join the twizzler debate 

tag urself i’m zixuan 

thats cotton candy 

he said what he said 

thanks pal 

wei_wuxian.exe stopped working 

  


gc change to dad!wuxian and son!sizhui 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


please complete the mutual and dm me things once you’re home 

Wangji just got home. Enter Big Lan, Little Lan. 

Style* 

wuxian screamed. 

i am again, zixuan 

  


having a moment 

  
  


lord voldemort 

sizhui & wuxian PSPSPSPSP 

sizhui & wangji; he’s nervous 

worse than heartbreak 

the last message 

voldemort is popular today 

wangji, the man you are, 

  


is this marriage? 

so hes bad at math 

  
  



	26. Lying, Processing, Confronting

Wangji had made it home in time for curfew. Everyone was already asleep but he knew that he would still get an ear full in the morning. He didn’t care too deeply because he hadn’t broken curfew, and he got to spend a considerable amount of time with Wuxian, and more time texting him all night.

He was prepared when his Uncle approached him in the kitchen. “Good morning. Your breakfast is on the table, Uncle.” 

Xichen walked in behind Lan Qiren. “Breakfast! I thought it was my turn,” he smiled. “Thank you Wangji,” he sat down at the table. 

Wangji looked Lan Qiren in the eye and waited. His Uncle saw it as a challenge. “Where were you last night that you could not message us that you would not be home for dinner?”

“I had dinner with a friend.”

“You couldn’t let us know?"

“I lost track of time. It seemed rude to take my phone out while in their company,” Wangji added. 

Lan Qiren paused. That seemed sound. “Mn. Which friend was this?”

“Song Lan,” Wangji lied. Xichen looked up from his cup of tea in surprise. 

“Next time either excuse yourself to let us know or tell us you’re going over so if you don’t show up for dinner we know why,” Lan Qiren settled. “Song Lan has his head on his shoulders.”

“He does. Excuse me,” Wangji dipped his head, making eye contact with Xichen for the briefest moment, and left the room. 

He walked straight into their meditation room and closed the door. 

He just lied. 

confused 

HE- 

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian walked up to Wangji at the end of Queer Lit. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Wangji looked up. “But we will have to reschedule dancing in the kitchen,” he added, a hint of humor. 

“My kitchen is always open to be danced in,” Wuxian shrugged, sitting on the desk. Wangji eyed him until he stood back up. “You declare a time, anytime, and we’ll do it.”

“Spontaneous. Mn, okay,” Wangji agreed, grabbing his things as he stood.

“But tomorrow,” Wuxian started nervously, “Did you want to get lunch? That pizza place?” 

“Mn,” Wangji… frowned? “I can’t tomorrow. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay!”

He could. Or, he could’ve, if he hadn’t lied this morning. 

Lan Wangji was not a liar. Lan Wangji did not condone lying. Lan Wangji did not like when people lied. The fact that he not only lied, to his own family, but had intended to the night before…

Wangji needed to discipline himself and spend some time in solitude. No matter how badly he wanted to spend time with Wei Wuxian instead. 

Immediately when he got out of work he drove straight home and walked into the meditation room without saying a word to his brother and uncle. Neither bothered him. He didn’t come out for dinner. He stayed in the room until it was nearly 9pm; time to sleep. 

The next morning, before the sun even rose, straight back into the meditation room until he had to go to class. 

Xichen had left his car for him. While Xichen knew why Wangji was doing this, Lan Qiren thought nothing of it. Wangji was grateful neither of them questioned him about it. Had he not randomly gone into solitude and meditation in the past, Lan Qiren would surely question Wangji, and Wangji would have to lie once more. 

But being in solitude and spending considerable time meditating at this moment in time was proving to be difficult.

It was difficult because Wangji was forced to process. 

He was forced to start confronting his feelings towards Wuxian, and what exactly that meant. He tried to avoid it, but he couldn’t because everytime he considered the reason why he had lied to begin with, he faced the situation head on. 

Why had he lied? He lied so he wouldn’t have to hear his uncle talk badly about Wuxian. Why did that bother him? His uncle talked badly about anyone who was like Wei Wuxian. He always had. Wangji never got upset about it besides his general feelings that his uncle was spending too much time getting worked up over someone he didn’t care for. 

But… _Wangji_ cared about Wuxian. He didn’t think he deserved to be seen the way his uncle thought about him. The Wuxian his uncle spoke of, was not the Wuxian he spent so much time with.

The Wuxian his uncle spoke of, was ugly. The Wuxian Wangji knew, was _beautiful_. 

Complex and loud, but beautiful. 

Why had he lied? He lied so it would be easier for him to continue to see Wuxian without conflict. Because to not see Wuxian, to have to distance himself from Wuxian, when Wuxian was everywhere? And there was still so much to talk about with Wuxian? He couldn’t do that. 

There simply wasn’t enough hours in the day in this lifetime to talk about everything. The past, the present, and the future. And things are always changing, so there’s always something to be talking about. 

Maybe Wangji could talk to Wuxian about this someday. Maybe when it wasn’t about Wuxian.

Wangji stopped strumming. Well he did _not_ like that idea. He looked down at the guitar and sighed. Maybe he could talk to Wuxian someday. 

He played with the idea of telling him soon. But the thought of ruining what they had terrified him. What they had was so good. 

He couldn’t lose that. Not yet. 

“What are you playing,” Wuxian poked his head into the music room. His hair piled on top of his head, tied loosely with a red ribbon. 

One more night of solitude. One more. 

“[Only Love](https://open.spotify.com/track/2uhEKg8kIzpdvz4gyy6x8W?si=2c0f441005244393),” Wangji replied quietly. 

Wuxian walked in, “I don’t think I know it.”

Wangji played with the strings for a moment before starting the song. Wuxian smiled and sat before him, pulling a leg up. Wangji looked up from the strings while he played to look into Wuxian’s eyes, “ _Darling you’re with me, always around me_ ,” he sang quietly. “ _Only love, only love.”_

_Darling I feel you, under my body. Only love, only love. Give me shelter, or show me heart. Come on love, come on love._

Wuxian loved watching Wangji play. Whatever instrument it was, he loved to watch him play it. He loved even more hearing him sing, no matter how quietly. You could tell by the way he played that music was his world. 

_“Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart_ ,” Wangji put the guitar down. 

The way Wuxian smiled at him... Wangji was seconds from confessing to him right there. “I love watching you play,” Wuxian admitted. 

“It’s not fair that you get to listen to me play music, and I haven’t seen you dance yet,” Wangji replied.

“The dance studio is right down the hall,” Wuxian shrugged. “Come by. You know my schedule.”

“I’ll have to,” Wangji agreed. 

“Unless-” Wuxian paused seeing Wangji’s apologetic face. “Not today,” Wuxian understood.

“I’ll just show up,” Wangji joked, “Catch you off guard.”

“It’s only fair,” Wuxian agreed. “Hopefully I don’t look like an idiot when you do.”

“I’m sure you don’t look like an idiot.”

“I do in the kitchen,” Wuxian countered. 

until you complete the mutual? 

i love them hi 

does he? 

xichen honey 

  


pleaseeee 


	27. Silence Can Be A Musical Score.

“He’ll probably eat in a bit, Jiang Cheng. Don’t worry about it right now,” Wen Qing wrapped the blanket around herself. “He’s working really hard on his paper,” Wen Qing called. 

“Love a studious Wei Wuxian,” Zixuan mumbled, picking fuzzies off his blanket absentmindedly. 

“Why are you here, Zixuan,” Jiang Cheng dropped down into the armchair. 

“I was invited?”

“No you weren’t.”

Zixuan looked at Wen Qing to back him up. “I told him he could come,” she shrugged.

“It was supposed to be our Zumbo’s Just Desserts night,” Jiang Cheng whined.

“Yeah, turns out Zixuan loves Zumbo,” Wen Qing laughed. 

“Oh my _GOD_ ,” Zixuan hit the arm of the couch in excitement. “When I saw there was a season 2? I practically threw the remote trying to get Wen Ning’s attention. _Do you know how long I have waited for this_.”

“Your excitement cancels out my initial disappointment in you being here,” Jiang Cheng responded.

“I’m used to being a disappointment,” Zixuan shrugged. 

The microwave beeped. 

“Does everyone want their own bowl,” Jiang Cheng went to grab the popcorn. 

“Yes, please,” the two called. 

“Why didn’t Yanli come,” Zixuan asked. “Doesn’t she like baking shows?”

“Yeah, the Great British Baking Show-”

“Valid-”

“And Nailed It, of all things,” Wen Qing shook her head. “Zumbo’s doesn’t keep her attention apparently.”

“I’m sorry… Zumbo’s doesn’t _keep her attention_ , but Nailed It does?”

“Excuse me,” Jiang Cheng. “I like Nailed It too… But Zumbo’s is superior.”

“A Jiang with good taste,” Wen Qing replied, “We love to see it.”

“You’re in love with the wrong Jiang,” Zixuan said, grabbing his bowl of popcorn from JC. 

“I agree,” Jiang Cheng joked. “No offense to my sister,” he turned to the TV.

Wen Qing rolled her eyes, “You’re both annoying,” she tossed a few pieces of popcorn at them both. “You’re just jealous.”

“Yup,” both sighed and shoved popcorn into their mouths. 

idiots, everyone 

. i c 

  


good run 

  


“You’re set to close,” Yanli asked Wuxian.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Wuxian replied. “I’ll do the books too.”

“Great, thanks,” Yanli unplugged her phone from the wall.

“What’s in store for Friday Date Night,” Wuxian asked. 

“Not sure yet! But it looks like it’s going to rain, so if you need a ride home just text me!” Yanli waved. “Goodnight love you! Bye,” she sang running outside.

Wuxian loved how excited and energetic Yanli got whenever it was a date night. He was determined to spend more time closing on Fridays so their regular date nights could resume. He didn’t mind the time in Lotus Root alone. 

Being alone in Lotus Root meant he could blast [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/15UttZPJXWsb1fSLwNSfov?si=3883a06d258b43e4) and think. Although thinking these days was a dangerous thing.

His thoughts tended to gear towards Lan Wangji, of course. 

Could you really blame him? Wangji was…

Well, Wangji was so much more complex than people gave him credit for. He may be the epitome of etiquette but when he took off the mask. He was…

Wuxian was grateful that he was developing such a strong friendship with Wangji that he was dropping his guard more and more around Wuxian. He wondered what Wangji was truly like when he was alone. He must be tired constantly keeping face. But he gave no indication of it, even when he did sometimes relax around Wuxian.

And wow, could he talk. Once you get him going, truly going, he could talk forever. 

Wuxian loved that. He loved the sound of his voice. He loved how he spoke softly. He loved how he sometimes spoke in pout when it was just the two of them debating, and how he had no idea. He loved how passionate he was about music. He loved how he lived and breathed music, and how despite that, he was okay with silence. “Silence can be a musical score too, Wei Ying,” he had told him. 

“Wei Ying.”

Wuxian spun around. “Lan Zhan?”

Wangji locked the door behind him. “Do you need help cleaning up?”

Wuxian smiled. “Did you really come here to clean?”

“I came to spend time with you,” Wangji grabbed the broom from Wuxian. 

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian pouted, “Don’t say those things unless you want me to turn to mush.”

“Then you’ll have to show me where the mop is,” Wangji replied. 

“You-” Wuxian froze. “Ha _ha_ ,” he pointed at Wangji, “You…” Wuxian hummed, walking away from Wangji. 

“Do you want something to eat,” Wangji asked. “I can have something delivered?”

“Hmm,” Wuxian leaned against the counter. “If you’re hungry then I’m up for that. I’m going to be here for a while anyways. I have to do some back end work.”

“Okay,” Wangji rested the broom against his shoulder as he worked on his phone. “You focus on that, and I’ll clean then. That way you finish faster and we can eat.”

Wuxian opened the register. “I like the way you think.”

hes gay ur honor 

Wangji never really looked like he recovered. He ate his wrap in typical silence but he still had the slightest frown still displayed on his face. 

“You aren’t thinking about the numbers still are you,” Wuxian asked. Wangji looked up from the table and Wuxian did his absolute best to not crumble at the sight of Wangji’s cheek puffed out; stuffed with food. “No?” Wangji shook his head slightly. “Yes?” Wangji shook his head again. “Half?” Wangji nodded. Wuxian hummed in interest. “What are you thinking about then, because you’re still pretty when you frown, but you _are_ frowning and I don’t like.”

Wangji’s frown deepened as he chewed, holding the remainder of his wrap with both hands. “I’ll wait,” Wuxian said, picking at his sandwich, scrolling through his phone with his other hand. 

wuxian just gayly passing time 

“I am bad at math,” Wangji spoke up. 

“I see that,” Wuxian put his phone down.

“Embarrassingly bad.”

“Five times two-”

“Ten,” Wangji sighed, “Those are different.”

“Fourteen times twelve.” Wangji froze. Wuxian watched the rusty gears try to turn. Wangji moved his finger in the air, his lips moving silently. 

“42? …. That doesn’t seem right…”

“It’s 168.”

Wangji looked mortified. “It’s 168? What? Can I see that?” He grabbed the pencil next to Wuxian and started scribbling on the paper bag their food was delivered in. “What if I add 42,” he whispered to himself and kept scribbling. “... 42 times 4 is 168,” he mumbled. “I was close.”

_Oh, baby, no_ , Wuxian thought to himself. “You were.”

“Ugh,” Wangji covered his face. 

“What are you doing?”

“It’s really embarrassing,” his voice muffled by his hands. 

“I didn’t mean to embarrass you, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian whined. “It’s okay that you’re bad at math!”

“No it’s not!”

“Wait,” Wuxian leaned against the table. “Isn’t music mathematical?”

“It’s _different_!”

Wuxian smiled, “Lan Zhan,” he reached for his wrist. “It’s _okay_ ,” he laughed. “Everyone is bad at something.” Wangji let Wuxian pull his hands away from his face. “Don’t pout,” he laughed. 

“It’s embarrassing,” he mumbled. 

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Wuxian smiled fondly at him, pushing back some of Wangji’s loose strands of hair, his fingers dangerously close to Wangji’s forehead ribbon. “Lan Zhan, your ribbon is crooked now.”

Wangji tensed up. He reached for Wuxian’s hand and pulled it away before reaching for his phone beside him for his front-facing camera. 

Wuxian wanted so desperately to fix it for him. But he knew that was out of the question. 

Wangji looked up at Wuxian with a questioning look. “Perfect,” Wuxian replied quietly.

Wangji put his phone down again.

Wuxian bit the inside of his cheek, “Do you want dessert?”

“Dessert?”

“We have some baked goods that can’t sell tomorrow but they’re still good. And you can take whatever you want home?” Wangji nodded. “Okay, let’s go look,” he grabbed Wangji’s hand and pulled him out of his seat. 

Wangji was too startled by the action to stop him. And frankly his mind was racing with “ _He’s holding my hand”_ over and over to properly react and let go. 

He didn’t let go. Not even when they were in the back room standing in front of the fridge. “What do you like best from this shelf,” Wuxian asked Wangji. 

“Hmm,” Wangji looked through the choices. “These,” he pointed to the maple balls. 

“Impeccable taste,” Wuxian let go of Wangji’s hand to pull the tray out and set it on the counter. “Tea?”

“Okay.”

Wuxian hummed to himself as he pulled a pitcher of tea from the fridge. 

“Is this okay to do?” Wangji questioned. 

“It is,” Wuxian nodded. “Leftover tea is for staff. Baked goods are up for grabs after a certain date after being made too.” 

“How many staff members are there?”

“Five,” he leaned against the counter. “But that includes me, Wen Qing, and my sister. Seven if you count the times Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning step in when needed. There’s usually only two or three regular part-timers at a time here.”

“Including you?”

“No,” he handed Wangji his tea and pushed the tray towards him. “I’m technically supposed to be full-time. But I started taking classes instead when I got here, so they’ve been lenient with me.”

“Full-time?”

“All things money, and marketing,” he nodded. “Right now I switch off with bookkeeping and purchasing with Wen Qing, and switch off the marketing with my sister.”

“What is the ideal situation?”

“Yanli is the front end. Wen Qing the back end. And I work a little with them both,” he paused. “But now I’m considering a degree with either Philosophy or FPA, which is just dumb.”

“It’s not dumb,” Wangji put his tea down. 

“I already technically have a degree,” Wuxian said it like a question. “And I technically have a full time job, that I like. There’s really no need for me to be in school right now.”

“Do you like it?”

“School?”

“Yes.”

“I do,” Wuxian paused, “But trust me, there’s really no reason for me to be there.”

“Well you are,” Wangji replied. “If you decide not to come back next semester, that’s okay.”

“Mn,” Wuxian took a sip of his tea. “Lan Zhan? If you couldn’t study music, what would you go for?”

Wangji opened his mouth but quickly closed it. He frowned, “As in I can’t play music?”

“No,” Wuxian shook his head. “You can still create music. But you can’t go to school for it. What would you be doing right now?”

“Oh,” Wangji thought, “I would go for a double major. Education and Literature. I would probably become a Literature professor.”

“Higher Ed, hmm?” Wuxian smirked. “You’re already kind of doing that now.”

“I would keep doing it then,” he confirmed, “But, a professor. Not an adjunct professor.”

“Not interested in teaching children?”

“No,” he was quick to answer. “I don’t understand children.”

Wuxian laughed. “What do you mean you don’t understand children?”

“I… don’t know,” he shrugged. “I don’t know how to act around them. How do you… talk to them?... No,” he shook his head. 

“So you don’t want kids?”

“I haven’t really thought about it. But probably not,” Wangji replied truthfully.

“You don’t think anyone can change your mind?”

“No.”

“I bet I can,” Wuxian smirked. 

“I’m sure you can change my mind on a lot of things,” Wangji said before he could stop himself. 

“ _Lan Zhan_ ,” Wuxian fanned himself. “Careful, some things you say can be taken wrongly.”

“You want kids?”

“I have a son,” Wuxian said proudly, dramatically placing his hands on his hips.

“You…?” Wangji tilted his head in confusion. Wuxian had a son? Where? How did Wangji not know this? He didn’t see any indication that a child was living in Wuxian’s apartment. Was he not living with him? Who was the mother? Did she live around here? Is that why he moved out here? Would Wuxian ever bring his son around, because Wangji didn’t know how to act around a child, surely he would mess something up. Wait, how old was the child?

“It’s Sizhui,” Wuxian beamed. 

Wangji needed a moment to process. He turned to walk out of the back room. 

“Wait,” Wuxian laughed, grabbing Wangji’s hand. “Did you think I had an actual child?”

“Yes.”

“No! Why?”

“You _just_ said you had one,” Wangji huffed. 

“Why are you upset!”

“You put me through a lot just now by saying that,” Wangji pointed out. 

Wuxian laughed so hard he dropped his forehead onto Wangji’s chest. Wangji was frustrated that Wuxian thought his inner turmoil was hilarious, and frustrated that it took for _this_ to happen for Wuxian to be this close to Wangji. 

Wangji’s body instinctively went on high alert with Wuxian leaning against him. “ _Lan Zhan_ ,” he pulled away. “I am _only_ a father to my sonther, Lan Sizhui.”

“Sonther is not a word,” Wangji pointed out.

“Lan Zhan” Wuxian whined, shaking Wangji’s hand, “Don’t be so boring.”

omg hi complete the mutual 

“No,” Wangji tucked his phone away after replying to Wuxian’s tweet, as Wuxian asked him to do. 

Wuxian whined, “Lan Zhan!” 

“Let’s go,” Wangji walked out of Lotus Root.

“Unbelievable,” Wuxian huffed, locking up behind them. “One day you’re going to complete the mutual.”

“Unlikely.”

“Why do you hate me,” Wuxian groaned. 

“Quite the opposite,” Wangji walked away. Wuxian stood in place, pouting. “Come on.”

“You don’t have to walk me home,” Wuxian skipped up to Wangji, “It’s going to start raining soon,” he held out his palm to feel the small sprinkles. “You might want to get your car.”

“Mianmian is picking me up from campus in twenty minutes,” Wangji replied, keeping pace. “Keep up or it’s going to start raining on _you_ ,” he called. 

Wuxian rolled his eyes, “Just text her and ask her to pick you up from my apartment. She knows where it is.”

Wangji considered it briefly. But decided he would need some time after dropping Wuxian off to think before he had to interact with Mianmian. She was too good at reading Wangji, and Wangji didn’t like that. 

“That way you can stay for a bit? Not risk the rain?” Wuxian offered. 

“Maybe,” Wangji replied. Really he wanted to text Mianmian to not bother so he could continue hanging out. It was Friday, it was easy enough to tell his uncle that he was staying over Xingchen’s place without question, but he also did not want to lie again so quickly after his brief, and albeit, flexible solitude.

Wuxian would let him stay for the night, wouldn’t he? He’d let him stay the night and finish the first season of that dumb ghost show, right? And they could stay up late too, joking around about “the ghosties” as Wuxian called them… Maybe he even had some twizzlers…

Wuxian wanted Wangji to stay, but he knew a sleepover was out of the question. But they could watch that show about the ghosties for a bit at least. They could snack and joke around. God he just really loved spending time with Wangji. He loved watching him slowly relax the longer he was around Wuxian. He loved talking to him. He loved hearing him talk. He loved how Wangji would get so defensive about whatever they were debating, even if it wasn’t serious. He loved when he pouted. A lot. 

He didn’t have any twizzlers, but he did have some cookie dough for them to make cookies. No where near the same, but it was at least something sweet for Wangji to munch on. And before curfew, he could drive him back home…

But they only had just about two hours together. Not nearly enough time for any of it. He wanted more time than that anyways. 

“Just for a bit,” Wuxian asked quietly again, the two of them walking shoulder to shoulder. 

Wangji looked down at the sidewalk. “Okay.”

At least Wangji had the remaining walk to figure out a way to stay over Wuxian’s, though he knew he wouldn’t come up with anything he could use.

“Oh,” Wuxian paused, looking up as the drops of rain grew in size and number. “Oh that’s not good…” Thunder. “I think we should run?”

Of course, of fucking _course_ they got stuck in torrential downpour before they were even remotely close to the hill that led to Wuxian’s apartment.

The two looked at each other before booking it. They had quite a distance to go before they even reached the hill. Wuxian didn’t realize he could run so fast to be quite honest. He wasn’t quite sure if he was keeping up with Wangji or if Wangji was keeping up with him, but they ran as if something were chasing them. 

Wangji was the one who reached out for Wuxian’s hand and pulled him back and into the entrance of a closed shop at the edge of downtown. 

They pressed their backs into the bay windows, facing one another. “Oh my _god_ ,” Wuxian laughed, wiping his face even though some mist was being blown at them still.

“You are drenched,” Wangji chuckled and pinched Wuxian’s sleeve. “Wow.”

“On the bright side, we’re halfway there?” Wuxian laughed weakly. He really hated running. And that hill might kill him.

“It’s easing up, I think,” Wangji looked out at the street. 

“We should hurry in case it gets worse again,” Wuxian took a deep breath before racing off without warning.

Wangji sighed at the sudden action before following as quickly as he could. 

They couldn’t help but laugh as they tried to leap and dodge puddles on the uneven sidewalk leading up to their bigger challenge: the hill. 

Wuxian veered off into someone’s yard to sit on their roofed front porch. “What-” Wangji followed him. 

Wuxian put his hands on his hips, “I’m not gonna make it,” he huffed. “I’m sweating under all this rain, Lan Zhan,” he motioned tiredly at himself.

“Don’t stop on the hill and you’ll be fine,” Wangji breathed out. “Come on-”

“Lan Zhan,” he whined. 

The front door unlocked behind them and started to open. 

Their eyes widened; they leaped off the porch and kept running, struggling from laughing at the situation. 

_Oh shit_ , Wuxian thought.

Not only were they laughing while already out of breath but they hit the hill, and instantly Wuxian slowed down at the steep slope. 

Wuxian groaned, “Lan Zhan!”

Wangji turned back.

“What are you _doing_? Fucking go on without me!”

“Shut up,” Wangji grabbed the hand Wuxian dramatically reached out to him with and pulled him (more like dragged him) up the hill. 

Wangji didn’t bother letting go of Wuxian’s hand even when the ground leveled out and Wuxian caught up temporarily. In fact, he held onto his hand tighter as they ran. 

Wuxian was acutely aware of this as Wangji pulled him up the smaller hill and towards the small two story house. 

Wangji pulled the door open and stumbled inside. 

Wuxian closed the door behind and leaned his back against the wall. “Oh my god,” he clutched his side. 

Wangji twisted his hair, letting the water drip from it while he tried to catch his breath. He watched Wuxian puff out his cheeks and toss his hair over his shoulder. 

He wondered what he looked like with his hair down. Not piled up. Not half pulled back. Just… down. 

Wuxian laughed at Wangji. “You look like one of those angry cats that just got a bath,” he patted Wangji’s cheek with the back of his hand in a stupid attempt to dry it even though he was just as drenched. “Angy babie,” Wuxian chuckled. He smiled up at Wangji.

Wangji smiled softly back and reached out. He calmly brushed part of Wuxian’s hair back over his shoulder.

Wuxian was pretty. He was pretty when he was cleaning. He was pretty while doing math. He was pretty biting the end of a pencil. He was pretty eating a sandwich. He was pretty drinking tea. He was pretty jumping over puddles. He was pretty now. Drenched from the unforgiving rain outside. 

The whole night. He was pretty. 

He was always pretty. 

And Wangji was pretty sure he was going a bit crazy. 

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian gripped Wangji’s sleeve. 

Maybe Wangji could just…

Wuxian hadn’t realized how close they were due to the small space until Wangji gently cupped the side of his face, his thumb brushing across his cheek. “Wei Ying,” Wangji practically whispered. 

They were both still trying to catch their breath from the run. This… This was not helping in the slightest. 

Wuxian’s mind was racing. What was happening? What was he supposed to do? What was going on?

Wangji’s lips parted. Whether to say something or… not, he wasn’t going to find out.

Something slammed inside the first floor apartment; Wangji jumped, looking over his shoulder. Wangji turned back to Wuxian, panic in his eyes. He promptly pulled his hand away from Wuxian and backed up. 

“Lan Zhan-”

“I need to go,” he interrupted and left. 

He left. But Wuxian stood at the foot of the stairs. 

Music from his downstairs neighbors blared. But he still didn’t move. 

He didn’t move even when someone opened their door, “It’s in the car, I’ll be right back,” she yelled, pausing when she saw Wuxian. “You look like you had a rough night,” she concluded.

“Very confused by it,” Wuxian nodded. 

coming at you live 

Wangji just needed to get out of there. And the rain had slowed down just a bit making it slightly more bearable as he raced back to campus.

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect as Mianmian pulled up to the Campus Center as Wangji reached it. 

Mianmian was appalled to say the least when she took in Wangji’s appearance. Wangji huffed, closing the passenger door and looked at Mianmian, very clearly distressed. “Are you okay?”

Wangji dropped his head back and leaned into the seat. He threw his hands over his face and groaned. 

Mianmian blinked and put the car back into drive. 

Wangji pulled his wet phone out and placed it on the dashboard. 

Mianmian quietly pulled her phone out of the cupholder beside her and handed it to Wangji who quietly took it to call his brother. “No, it’s Wangji,” he paused. Mianmian drove in the opposite direction of Wangji’s residence and towards her own. “Can you tell Uncle I’m not coming home tonight.” Wangji pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. “Mianmian’s.”

Mianmian turned the heat up in the car. “No,” Wangji sighed. “Okay… I would prefer not to. Okay. Goodnight.” Wangji placed the phone back into the cupholder. 

Mianmian gave it a moment because she cleared her throat. “Why are you wet?”

“It’s raining,” Wangji looked out the window. 

“Right you are,” she pursed her lips. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Maybe.”

“Okay,” Mianmian continued driving in silence. 

Mianmian couldn’t even piece together what could have happened to bother Wangji this much. But she kept quiet. Wangji would say something if he wanted to. 

She advised him to take a long hot shower while his clothes were in the dryer. She dropped Wangji’s phone into some rice while he showered. 

Wangji debated if he should say anything. To say something meant… Making himself a different level of exposed he never wanted to deal with. He wasn’t even sure what was going on with himself, so how could he even put it into words for someone else?

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Mianmian reminded him. 

“Just embarrassing myself,” he mumbled. “It’s nothing.”

“I won’t press,” she assured him. “Just get some sleep, and we can make a big breakfast tomorrow,” she passed him a couple blankets. “ _Try_ and sleep in for once.”

“Okay,” he nodded. He was tired anyways. 


	28. Giving Space

wuxian is now listening to [skeletons by keshi](https://open.spotify.com/track/2BuJrxYKhYky20dQqTlobO?si=4043cc35001141bb) on repeat 

Wuxian sat in the living room, pointing his hair dryer at the books on the coffee table before him while he stared at his laptop, biting his nails. 

Wuxian barely paid attention when Jiang Cheng went to bed. He just stared at his laptop. The open email. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. 

He wasn’t going to ignore what happened. He wasn’t going to ignore the look on Wangji’s face. He wasn’t to ignore the way he touched him. He wasn’t going to ignore the panic when he thought someone else was there; when he realized what he was doing.

Wuxian was not sure what could possibly be going through Wangji’s head, but judging by his reaction and his quick exit, his thoughts were probably on hyperdrive. He wanted to text him and make sure he got home okay. But he knew Wangji probably needed some space to think. 

So he typed up an email for him to read later. 

wuxian emails wangji the link to skeletons 

xichen and guangyao never changed their chat name from high school 

  


Saturday was a blur for Wuxian. He worked all day and focused on his assignments. He never heard from Wangji. Not by email, and not by text. But then again, Wangji was probably processing Friday. Wuxian sure was. 

He didn’t really know what to make of it. He wished his neighbors weren’t so loud. If they weren’t so loud… Well who really knows what would have happened?

Wuxian couldn’t even let himself think of different scenarios. All he could think about was Wangji standing before him. 

Wangji, with his beautiful soft lips. His kind, searching eyes. His dark, serious eyebrows. His cute ears. His entirely boopable nose. His somehow, still straight headband. His hair glistening, and loose from their run. 

Wangji, with his gentle hands, just barely touching Wuxian’s face. 

Wuxian pulled a biscuit from the display case and handed it to Wen Qing for the customer at the register. 

He had to stop. He _had_ to stop thinking about Wangji like this. Wangji meant nothing from it, and Wuxian knew that. He _knew_ that. He knew that nothing was going to come from this. They were friends. And they were going to stay friends. And to stay friends meant nothing would come from this. 

Because he is Lan Wangji. Lan Zhan. _Hanguang-Jun_ . Nothing could ever come from this. The poster child of the Lan’s could _never_ let anything come from it. 

As much as Wuxian was not okay with that. He was okay with that. He was okay as long as they stayed friends. Because Wuxian appreciated Wangji. Deeply. 

“You okay,” Wen Qing asked. 

“Yeah,” Wuxian replied. “Just thinking.”

“You can think out loud if you’d like,” she offered. 

“Mn. Maybe another time.”

So Wuxian kept busy the next day. It was a normal Sunday at Lotus Root but he let work consume him to help him pretend that he didn’t notice the lack of response from Wangji. Pretend that he wasn’t worried that maybe _he_ did something wrong.

Maybe it was all his joking? Maybe he was taking it too far. He thought Wangji was okay with it. He thought that Wangji joked back. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe this was his fault?

Yanli and Wen Qing left early Sunday because they were feeling under the weather. It allowed Wuxian to ignore _everything_. There was no downtime to think about Friday. He even forgot that he was trying to ignore everything. 

That is until he got home and took one look at Jiang Cheng, who peeked up from a coloring book on the coffee table. Jiang Cheng saw the look on his brother’s face and opened the second coloring book beside him and held up a crayon. 

yanli is sick, 

  


so is wen qing 

  


wuxian is running lotus root 

  


missing classes 

  



	29. Wangji Fires Back and Shuts Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// homophobia implied

clip art 

  
  


the freshmen four are going to pitch in! 

the schedule 

failing 

Guangyao hadn’t been to the Lan residence for dinner in a while. He was a bit nervous after that picture Nie Huaisang had posted a while back. Of course someone had sent it to the President of UCR… His father. 

He got an ear full for how it looked. He had to defend himself until he was breathless. No, he was not lying in Xichen’s lap (he was), no Xichen’s arms were not around him (they were). No, there was nothing going on between them (...)

And then Guangshan met with Xichen. Read him the riot act for being friends with students. He was the Head of the Philosophy Department, with an outstanding reputation and resume both in and out of the field, after all. To lose him would be detrimental for the University. He could not afford to make such shameful mistakes. 

Xichen had unsurprisingly kept calm but inside he felt sick. He reminded Guangshan that he and Guangyao were longtime friends; high school friends. How Xichen speaks and treats Guangyao in the classroom is different from outside the classroom. He does not, nor will he ever, show favoritism. 

Regardless of whatever fleeting rumors went around after the picture had less to do with what relationship Xichen and Guangyao had, but rather the fact that Xichen was hanging out with undergrads at some brunch anyways. 

Neither Xichen or Guangyao felt the need to tell Guangshan that the brunch was at the Nie residence and that Mingjue was in the background telling them to set the table. 

Nie Mingue was still brought into it since his brother is the one who posted the picture. The only thing he had to say to Guangshan was that he will speak to Huaisang immediately about the picture. 

Xichen did get pulled aside by his uncle after the incident. Of course Lan Qiren had already spoken to Jin Guangshan, who was still peeved but was successfully persuaded by Xichen that nothing was going on. “I want to talk to you myself,” his uncle had said to him. He had his own interrogation he needed to go through to _make sure_ that his nephew wasn’t making mistakes.

“You know Jin Guangyao,” Xichen had replied. “He spent a good part of his high school days coming by to study. We are friends, Uncle. You know this,” he said gently. 

But Guangyao was still nervous, even if Lan Qiren dropped it.

Men like his father made him shut down. And men like Lan Qiren made him a nervous wreck. 

But he kept face and smiled when he was expected to smile. He laughed when he was expected to laugh. And he was silent during dinner, until Wangji and Xichen cleared the table. “I have missed spending time with you all for dinner. Thank you for inviting me again.”

“Our pleasure,” Lan Qiren smiled brightly. “My apologies for not having Xichen reach out sooner.”

“It is quite alright,” Guangyao replied politely. “School has kept me busy.”

Wangji and Xichen returned to the table. They would clean the dishes when their guest had left. “How are your other classes going,” Qiren asked. “You’re in Xichen’s Art and Philosophy course?”

“I am,” Guangyao confirmed. “It’s a fascinating topic. I admit that I initially signed up for it because it was an elective requirement for one of my majors,” he smiled sheepishly. “But it has proven to be both my most entertaining class and most thought provoking, second to yours,” he lied. He didn’t care about Ethical Response. He already knew the content. He just needed it as a prerequisite to get into the prerequisite for Environmental Ethics which fascinated him more. “No offense,” he turned to Xichen.

“None taken” Xichen chuckled. 

“You’ve taken quite a few tracks under your belt at UCR,” Qiren pointed out. “Have you ever considered teaching? You must have finished a degree in at least one of them by now?” Guangyao opened and closed his mouth. The last thing he needed was another old man dictating the path he should be taking in his life. “UCR has not been very strict with who they hire as adjunct professors as of late anyways. You should talk to your father about it. It would look great on your resume.”

Wangji and Xichen glanced at each other. Their uncle had a habit of trying to push others outside the family into a career trajectory that he thought was best for them. Mianmian being one of them… It’s why she stopped coming to their home. 

“I think,” Xichen spoke up, “That even if people aren’t qualified to teach according to paper, they are still capable of becoming great leaders in the classroom. Same for those who are qualified, or overqualified. If they are not passionate about teaching, the classroom is not for them.”

Guangyao was anxious to say the least. He briefly and lightly placed his hand on Xichen’s thigh as a quick and quiet thank you. Wangji, who had been looking down across the table between the two of them already caught the slight shift in Guangyao’s sleeve. He glanced up to see Xichen look at Guangyao.

“I think Guangyao is on a great path already. It would be a shame to disrupt it,” Xichen added. 

“Hm,” Qiren tapped his finger against the table. “Would it if it meant adding more experience to the resume?”

“I think his resume is quite impressive as it stands right now,” Xichen countered. 

“It is,” Wangji agreed. 

Guangyao glanced at Wangji. Wangji never typically got involved in these conversations when his uncle started them unless his friends were the ones in Qiren’s eyesight. 

“Yes, well,” Lan Qiren pursed his lips. He wasn’t too fond of the experience Wangji had been adding to his resume of late. 

“Speaking of teaching,” Guangyao spoke up while he saw Qiren’s wheels still spinning. “Wangji, have you heard about World Literature?”

“No,” Wangji replied. “There’s one student taking it as an independent study with last year’s course material, but they have no one to teach it next semester.”

“That’s a shame” Guangyao sighed. “I was hoping to take it next semester.”

“As was I,” Wangji nodded. “They’re taking it off my requirements since they cannot find a qualified replacement.”

“Are you not interested in an independent study,” Guangyao asked. 

“I might,” Wangji nodded.

“It’s not the same,” Qiren added.

Wangji paused, “No, it’s not.”

“Is it out of the question for you to do an independent study, rework the previous coursework and teach it yourself,” Guangyao asked. “I ask in total selfishness of wanting to take the class.”

Wangji hummed in amusement, “I asked my friend to do the same so I could take it.”

“Ah,” Guangyao nodded, “They didn’t bite.”

“Guangyao might be on to something,” Qiren thought out loud. 

“With,” Xichen asked

“Wangji should do the World Literature course,” Qiren said. “He’s more than capable of not only understanding the work but developing it further. It would be more credible too.”

Yikes.

“And what I’m doing now, is not credible?” Wangji looked up. Everyone at the table froze. 

It might have seemed unexpected and out of the blue for Wangji to respond in the way he did. But in all honesty, it was a long time coming. Especially lately. He had been overthinking so much lately. 

His brain was constantly in overdrive, trying to keep up with everything going on in class, at home, his personal life, his music.

He was growing more and more restless the more his uncle spoke against something that meant something to him. The time he spent in the Lit Department instead of the Music Department, his course, and Wuxian. He was increasingly annoyed with each passing comment. 

“What I have done that is not credible?” Wangji added. 

“Wangji,” Xichen warned quietly. 

“What you have done with your music is outstanding,” Qiren replied. “However if you insist on shifting some focus into literature, especially in regards to a teaching credit, I think that it should be for a respected and sought after course at UCR.”

“I have not _shifted_ focus, I have added it into my focus,” Wangji corrected. “I have been a TA for the Music Department but all their courses have coverage. The Lit Department, does not. When Lan Yi left, _three_ of our most knowledgeable professors left with her. This is one of my departments. I respect the people in this department. And I respect my own education and my peers. They approached several of us who were qualified to help with several courses so the rest can meet their minimum requirements. We all stepped up.”

“Queer Lit is not essential for your department. World Literature is. Twenty First Century is. Study of Folklore is. Electronic Literature is. Queer Lit is not as credible as these. You are wasting your time on a course that is going to be cut anyways.”

Wangji inhaled slowly. “Regardless of what the topic of discussion is within this course,” he started. “They are works written to document history. To document experiences. Of a random passerby or someone of prominence. Communities. Families. You have taught me the importance of voices. Of stories. To say that these works of literature, whether non-fiction or fiction, are not credible takes away their voice, their stories, their experiences. I’m not teaching a course that preaches hate or violence. I’m teaching a course of great works of literature. I think that is credible.” 

Xichen cleared his throat. “I think Wangji makes a good point. I think that we can respect what he’s saying about literature as a whole as well as the hard work he puts into this course, right Uncle,” Xichen pressed. He didn’t want to have to find this middle ground, because what Wangji said was sound. But he also didn’t need his Uncle exploding right here, right now. 

Wangji knew that. Wangji knew Xichen didn’t find anything wrong with the course being offered at the school. Xichen had curiously looked through the course material before, whereas his uncle wouldn’t even touch it if he could help it. 

“I liked the mention of voices,” Guangyao said directly to Wangji. “Your students are lucky to have someone who is passionate about the written word.” 

“Thank you.” Wangji knew the two of them were trying to bring about points that his uncle couldn’t argue with. He was appreciative of it. If any more negativity was to be spewed, he most likely would not be able to stop some harsh words from coming out. 

“I don’t have room in my course schedule to even consider taking it, but I would be interested in talking to you in the future about it.”

“Sure.”

Lan Qiren would not let a conversation end with him at the bottom, “While I disagree that this content should be taught at a higher education institution, you’re welcome to discuss it, and… read it on your own personal time. However, now is not the time,” he added. “It is getting late as is,” Lan Qiren pointed out. “Why don’t you three wrap up?”

“I can help clean,” Guangyao spoke, pushing himself to a stand. 

“You shouldn’t-”

“Nonsense,” Guangyao interrupted Xichen. “Wangji, I wash and you dry?”

“Mn.” Wangji followed him to the kitchen sink. 

Xichen gave his uncle a quick glance as he moved to start putting his belongings away from earlier in the evening. Xichen grabbed a cloth to wipe down the kitchen table.

“I’m sorry,” Guangyao said quietly to Wangji.

“For?”

“Starting that,” he replied.

Wangji took a cup from Guangyao. “You didn’t. It started over winter break. It always comes back to this.”

“Ah,” Guangyao nodded. Wangji looked… Bitter. Guangyao wasn’t sure he had ever seen such a clear _and_ negative expression from Wangji. If anything it was annoyance that found its way to his face. Mostly when Wuxian spoke in Xichen’s class. 

“Wangji,” Xichen said quietly as he walked into the kitchen, placemats in hand.

“I’m fine.”

Was he? Xichen thought he had been acting strange since his phone call with him Friday night with his sudden announcement that he was staying at Mianmian’s for the night. Seeing him Saturday evening only confirmed that something was going on with his little brother. 

“Xichen,” Lan Qiren walked in while looking at his phone. “I left my computer in my office for the night. Can I borrow your laptop? I have to reply to this email.”

“Of course,” Xichen opened the laptop that was sitting on the kitchen counter from earlier and typed in his password. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, yes,” Lan Qiren clicked around to bring up his email portal. “Just a student trying to retake a test.”

“Mn,” Xichen put the placemats away. “Did they fail?”

“He did not take it yet,” Lan Qiren replied, typing. “I’m sure he hasn’t even studied so he’s trying to buy himself more time.”

“Let’s not assume,” Xichen reminded gently, adding a light chuckle so as not to offend. 

“It’s Wei Wuxian,” their uncle let out a laugh, “I think it is justified.”

Wangji placed a wet plate down onto the counter. Guangyao looked at him from the corner of his eye. He whispered, “Wangji?” 

“Either he comes in for the test and tries, or doesn’t and gets a zero,” Lan Qiren kept typing. “It is listed in the syllabus.”

Xichen was shocked. Wuxian always seemed to be on top of his classes. He was almost sure that he would not purposely skip a test for under preparation. “Did he… Did he give a reason?”

“Of course not,” Lan Qiren replied. “Typos, and sent from his phone. I would not be surprised if he was out drinking with some of his buddies.”

Guangyao thought back to past Mondays when Jiang Cheng and Wuxian’s friends would post about a _Monday Movie Night_. Nights in which they all clearly drank their way through. It wasn’t entirely off base.

Wangji turned around. “Do you even know what he does outside of his courses? Or who he is friends with?”

“Excuse me?”

“You are unfairly judging someone based off of…?” Wangji trailed off, allowing his uncle to answer. 

“Based on his attitude and behavior, not to mention his disrespect towards those with authority,” Lan Qiren sent the email. The email stated that if Wuxian was unable to make it for the test, he would fail it. 

“I am going to leave,” Guangyao whispered to Xichen. Xichen nodded and quickly walked him out.

“I think that is an incorrect generalization,” Wangji countered. “He respects Xichen. He respects Xingchen. He respects Mianmian. And he respects me. All of which: his teachers; people with authority over him in the classroom. He is attentive in my class, in Mianmian’s class. In Xichen’s class he raises interesting perspectives and sparks classroom discussion. His assignments are always on time. He excels in his coursework. Even yours. I tutored him in _nothing_ when you had him attend tutoring hours. He asked questions for clarification: sometimes. We discussed things in _other_ Ethics courses once we finished your coursework.”

“Wangji-” his uncle tried to get a word in. Xichen walked back in, worry plastered across his face. 

“-He is an excellent student. He’s a prime example of what a student _should_ be. He was a month behind in his courses and _still_ met every deadline, as unfair as both yours and mine were to him. Especially mine. Mianmian and Xichen gave him the most flexible deadlines and he handed everything in within two weeks for them.”

“ _Lan Wangji-_ ”

“Yes, _Lan_ Wangji,” Wangji replied harshly. “ _Lan_ . As a Lan, I cannot unfairly and _openly_ judge him in the way that _you_ do.”

“Wangji,” Xichen raised his voice in warning.

“I learned this from you, Uncle,” Wangi continued. “I understand that he gets under your skin. And I understand that he frustrates you to no end. I understand that you feel this way. But the way you speak of him, and make assumptions of how he lives his life is not justified. Wuxian is loud, and annoying, and he provokes. You are justified in your frustrations towards his behavior. However you are not justified to make assumptions of his life outside the classroom.”

Lan Qiren took a step towards Wangji, opening his mouth, ready to raise his voice.

“Enough,” Xichen stepped between them. “ _Enough_ . You both need to walk away before you say something you will _both_ regret.” It didn’t matter that Wangji managed to keep his voice level. He was accusatory. “You both need to think before you speak. This night has gotten out of hand.”

Lan Qiren exhaled through his nose to attempt to settle his nerves. His own nephew defending someone as defiant as Wei Wuxian? Outrageous, absolutely outrageous. Obviously he was sleep deprived from his latest week in solitude between classes. Outrageous. Simply outrageous; he stormed off to his room silently. 

Wangji, on the other hand, made his way to the front door. “Wangji!”

“I need air,” he replied without hesitation, rushing out the door and to his car.

He was thankful that he had backed in that afternoon. He was thankful because when he slammed the door shut behind him, before him was a dark view. Not his house.

His hands were shaking as he looked down at them. Why did he do that? Why did he speak against his uncle, not once but twice? Who did he think he was? What did he just do? 

Surely he just made things worse. 

Perhaps his uncle would take his words to heart. Perhaps he would finally, and properly, keep his comments to himself, like a Lan would. 

But that didn’t mean his view of Wuxian would change. 

Wuxian. 

The person he thought about the most. The person he wanted to spend more time with. His uncle would never approve of their friendship. 

He made things worse. 

He absolutely made things worse. 

What if his uncle treated Wuxian more harshly?

He should have kept his mouth shut. About everything. 

_What did he do?_

he didn’t know who else to talk to

__

Wuxian looked down when his phone buzzed beside his open textbook. Wangji? He frowned as he replied. Something felt wrong from how he was texting him. If it wasn’t Wangji, he would ask if he was drunk. 

Wuxian turned down his [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/7ivYWXqrPLs66YwakDuSim?si=3574c6896e8042b4) and put his pencil down when his phone finally rang. 

“Hey,” Wuxian answered.

“...Hi,” Wangji paused. “You were doing something important weren’t you?

Wuxian shrugged, leaning back in his chair, “Just some work for my independent study.”

“Oh… Sorry,” Wangji pulled a leg up onto his seat. 

“Don’t be,” Wuxian replied quietly. “I was going to stop soon anyways.”

“Okay,” Wangji sniffled quietly.

Wuxian still picked up on it, “What’re you doing?”

“Uhm,” Wangji took in his pathetic state. He sniffled again, blinking hard, wiping his face. “In my car…”

“Where,” Wuxian asked cautiously. 

Wangji was quiet. “In my driveway,” he answered miserably. 

“Are you okay,” Wuxian softly asked. Wuxian listened as Wangji let out a quick shaky exhale before muffling a quiet cry. “Lan Zhan?” The front legs of Wuxian’s chair dropped hard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?”

Wangji hunched forward and let out near silent sobs excluding the tiny gasps for air. Wuxian’s chest tightened with worry as he listened to Wangji cry quietly. It was what Wuxian thought was a whimper that broke him. “Talk to me, Lan Zhan. What’s wrong?”

Wangji gasped for air. Crying was not something he did. And not like this. He wasn’t used to feeling like this. “I’m just _tired_.” Wangji wiped his face, “Just tired.”

“Did something happen?” Wuxian got up. 

Wangji didn’t answer. All Wuxian heard was him sniffle and sigh. Wuxian walked out into the apartment and started looking for Jiang Cheng’s car keys. “I don’t know,” Wangji finally answered. “I’m just being stupid.”

“You’re not,” Wuxian disagreed, “You’re allowed to be upset.” _Where the hell were the car keys?_

“Am I, if I’m at fault?”

“I think so. Can you tell me what happened,” Wuxian looked around the apartment dumbly. The keys were usually in the same spot.

“Starting unnecessary arguments.”

“Sometimes things need to be said,” Wuxian rummaged through Jiang Cheng’s bag that was left by the TV. “Did it help you feel any better?”

“No,” Wangji’s lip quivered. “I shouldn’t have said anything,” Wangji’s eyes started watering. The idea of not stepping in at either point in the night in the way he had also upset him. “It was so stupid. It will just make things worse. I’m sorry.” He usually stays quiet. Why did it bother him so much this time?

“Why are you sorry?”

“I don’t know,” Wangji dropped his head back against the seat. He didn’t bother wiping his face but let the feeling take over him. “I don’t know,” his voice shook, a sharp inhale.

Wuxian walked into Jiang Cheng’s room, scaring his brother as the door opened. “Can I come to you,” Wuxian mouthed the word _keys_. “Please?”

“ _No_ ,” Wangji replied quickly. “No you can’t come here.”

Jiang Cheng handed Wuxian his keys with a questioning look. “I can pick you up and bring you here; we can meet somewhere in the middle? Lan Zhan, please,” he walked out of his brother’s room.

“No,” he only managed to whisper. It won’t help. 

“Okay, can you do something else then?”

“Like what?”

“Can you just stay on the phone with me until you go to bed?”

Wangji used the back of his sleeve to wipe his face. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Wuxian looked around the apartment to find something to do. 

Wangji listened as Wuxian picked up some plates; he didn’t know that Wuxian was pulling clean dishes out of the cabinet and putting them into the sink to wash, but he didn’t need to. 

Wuxian turned on the water and got to work. 

Wangji listened to the water run, and the dishes clinking as Wuxian cleaned. He listened as Wuxian eventually went back to his room and started cleaning in there. Drawers were opening and closing; Wuxian was reorganizing his drawers and straightening out his room again despite having done it the night before.

But then it was Wangji’s turn. 

Wangji took a deep breath and opened his car door. Wuxian paused to listen. He had to turn the volume up since Wangji was so quiet. He hadn’t even realized that Wangji had made it to his front door until he heard the lock click into place.

Xichen was still sitting in the kitchen, eyes closed while he waited for his brother to come back in. 

Wangji paused when he saw him. “Wangji,” Xichen looked up, concerned. 

“I will talk to you tomorrow, Xichen,” Wangji said quietly. “I am going to bed.”

“You can hang up to talk to him,” Wuxian said into the phone. 

“I’m tired,” Wangji replied, walking into the bathroom. “Hold on.”

Wangji brushed his teeth, not daring to look into the mirror. He knew he looked like a mess. Why be reminded? 

Wangji held the phone behind his back as he brushed his teeth in an attempt to be polite. Wuxian decided to crawl into bed in the meantime. 

Wuxian knew Wangji had put the phone back to his ear when he heard him sigh softly with the open and close a couple more doors. Wuxian heard the sound of fabric moving; tossed to the side, followed by metal (?) dropping.

Ah, probably the hair pieces. 

Wangji crawled onto his bed and folded his legs after he changed. He pressed the speaker button and took down his hair. He reflected while he started braiding.

There was a better way to have those conversations with his uncle. Less accusatory. Proper. Kinder. Not fueled with anger and annoyance. He sighed at himself. He should have thought things through more deeply. 

Just like how he should have thought things through on Friday. He should have run back to campus. Or he should have turned and continued up the stairs at the apartment. He should not have thought about how pretty Wuxian was. He should not have reached out for him. 

He shouldn’t feel this way. 

Wangji looked at the clock. 

Wuxian looked at the clock.

8:59PM

“Goodnight, Wei Ying.”

“Goodnight, Lan Zhan.”

9:00PM


	30. RIP, Everyone is Sick

team [#jingYEETemployed](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETemployed?src=hashtag_click) or team [#jingYEETunemployed](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETunemployed?src=hashtag_click)

Jingyi did better than he thought he would do. Quite frankly he was proud of himself. He fumbled with the tea a lot and was awkward interacting with customers but he asked Wuxian a lot of questions and did his best to observe how Wuxian interacted with everyone who walked in.

“Wuxian,” Jingyi quietly called him over. “Can you make sure I’m making this right,” he whispered. 

“Sure, go ahead,” he rolled up his sleeves watching Jingyi carefully. “Just add a tad more… Great, good job, Jingyi.”

Jingyi beamed. 

“I’ve arrived,” Jiang Cheng said from the back room. 

“No,” Jingyi whined after his customer walked away from the counter. 

“Go home, gremlin,” Jiang Cheng walked up to the register to clock in. 

“No, I don’t want to! I’m having fun,” he pouted. “You go home.”

“Why don’t you pick a song to play and do that assignment for economics that you were telling me about,” Wuxian offered. 

Jingyi gasped, “I can pick the song?”

“ _Not_ the gummy bear song,” Jiang Cheng stopped him as he ran to the iPad. 

“ _What_ , why, give me one reason.” Jingyi challenged. 

“We don’t endorse gummy bears here,” Jiang Cheng said, grabbing the cleaner and a cloth. 

“Not the gummy bear song,” Wuxian ate a granola bar. 

“ _Fine_ ,” Jingyi huffed, typing on the iPad. [He pressed play](https://open.spotify.com/track/5DJNyvuMmZfsfvdTpMMmUq?si=253fa71084174b54). “I’m going to check the bathroom before I do my assignment.”

“Hm, taste,” Jiang Cheng mumbled his approval in the song choice as he wiped down the counter. “I thought he’d put on some Crazy Frog or something if he couldn’t do the other one.”

“I was waiting for Barbie Girl.”

“I would accept that too,” Jiang Cheng laughed. “How’d he do?”

“Good,” Wuxian leaned on the counter. “He got a bit flustered with the 1 o’clock rush but he kept up. 

“Any takers on the discount?”

“Yup,” Wuxian pushed two bowls forward, both with a variety of notes; napkins, corners ripped from notebooks, colorful sticky notes. “Wen Qing’s,” he pointed to one bowl, “And Yanli’s.” 

“Please spray some disinfectant in those,” Jiang Cheng replied. “I’m assuming everyone who wrote those were not in the best health.”

“God no,” Wuxian shook his head. “Look at that corner,” he pointed to the left bay window. Two girls in their pajamas sat hunched over their tea. “Sold them quite a bit of loose leaf to take home too. Complimentary cough drops.”

“Well Huaisang is sick so,” Jiang Cheng motioned to the shelves behind Wuxian. “You might want to start putting a nice pile together for Zixuan to buy for him.”

“Should probably double otherwise Wen Ning will pout that he didn’t get anything,” Wuxian turned and started pulling things.

“Good point,” Jiang Cheng turned and started wiping down any vacant tables and chairs. 

hate them 

“Great,” Wuxian mumbled when Wen Chao walked in. 

Jiang Cheng put the cleaner and cloth away, “What’s up,” he walked up behind him. “Hm?”

“Can you take Wen Chao’s order,” Wuxian asked. “He’s less likely to tell you that you fucked it up,” he mumbled as Wen Chao walked up to the counter with a smirk.

“Sure,” Jiang Cheng moved around him. “Hey Wen Chao,”

“Jiang Cheng,” he leaned against the counter. “They got you working here now?”

“When my sister needs me to,” he replied. “Do you know what you’d like?”

“Xue Yang,” Wen Chao nudged Xue Yang who was looking at the display case. “Pick something. I’ll take the basil and ginger.” Jiang Cheng slid over a napkin and pen for Wen Chao to write on.

“I want the shortbread,” Xue Yang replied. 

Jiang Cheng typed everything into the iPad and took the payment while Wen Chao dropped the note into the corresponding dish. “Let me go make that for you.”

Jiang Cheng walked up to Wuxian who slid the tea towards him quietly. Jiang Cheng stood there cleaning up before he walked back over, “Here you go,” he passed it over. Wen Chao took it without a word and walked to the island specifically. “What shortbread were you looking at,” he asked Xue Yang who was still looking into the display case. 

“This one,” he pointed. 

Wuxian took a look and grabbed it from their end. He placed it into a small paper bag and held it out. Xue smirked and winked before walking away. 

Wuxian looked at his brother wide-eyed. “Did you-”

Jiang Cheng raised his eyebrows and walked into the backroom. 

Guangyao was still standing back some way on his phone. Wuxian waited for him to hang up. When he did he expected his typical high and mighty attitude but instead…

“Sorry you had to miss Professor Lan’s test,” Guangyao started. 

“Uh, yeah, well,” Wuxian shrugged. “I had to be here.”

“Did you inform Professor Lan? Is he letting you retake it?” Wuxian didn’t need to know that Guangyao already knew the answer. 

“He isn’t. Even if I told him why, what difference would it make,” Wuxian smiled and clicked on the iPad. 

“If your grade is okay, it shouldn’t impact it too harshly,” Guangyao replied. He mostly wanted to know how well Wuxian was doing.

“Oh it’s fine,” Wuxian shrugged. “I’ll be fine. It just sucks,” he shrugged. He sighed, “Anyways. Do you know what you’d like? Same thing as last time?”

“You remembered?”

“...Yeah.”

“Uh. Yes. But I’ll still do this,” he pointed to the two bowls. 

“Here you go,” he opened the drawer below the register and pulled out some sticky notes.

The door to Lotus Root opened. Guangyao looked over his shoulder at the sound of the bell but quickly looked forward. Wuxian looked around him in confusion to see Xichen walking in. “Hey,” Wuxian nodded to him. 

“Hi Wuxian,” Xichen stopped behind Guangyao. 

“Two minutes,” Wuxian said to Guangyao. 

Jiang Cheng walked back out from the backroom with a package of disposable cups for restock. “Here, when you’re done,” he said, putting them down on the back counter. “Are you set,” he asked Guangyao.

Guangyao put the sticky notes in the bowls and stepped to the side. “Yup.”

“Jiang Cheng,” Xichen smiled. “How are you?”

“Pretty good,” he smiled back. “What can I get you?”

“Honey citrus,” Xichen answered. 

“Iced?” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“Yes please,” Xichen took the sticky note pad and started writing something for the two bowls as well. “Guangyao,” he acknowledged quietly. Guangyao nodded in response.

Wuxian poked his head around the display case. “Guangyao you wanted this hot right?”

“Yes, please,” Guangyao replied. 

“Okay good,” he chuckled as he passed it over, already made. 

Guangyao reached for one of the cup sleeves. “ _Xue Yang_ ,” he heard Wen Chao. “Hey Guangyao grab some napkins!” He sighed and grabbed a couple before walking away.

“Oh, Xichen,” Wuxian reached around and placed a couple maple balls in a small bag. “Here.”

“What’s this?”

“Lan Zhan likes them,” Wuxian smiled. 

“I’ll be sure to give these to him, thank you.” Jiang Cheng came over with Xichen’s tea. “Thank you,” Xichen dipped his head. “Oh, Wuxian? I just wanted to let you know that you won’t be able to reach Wangji for about a week. He doesn’t have his phone.”

Wuxian walked around the counter. “A-Cheng I’m going to take my 15 now.”

“Sounds good,” Jiang Cheng pulled the stool from the open cabinet space beneath the register and sat. 

“I’m assuming that Wangji was on the phone with you?” Wuxian nodded. “Ah, okay. I’m not sure what he said-”

“He didn’t,” Wuxian interrupted. “Oh, sorry. It’s just. He didn’t really say anything specific. But he was upset.”

“Mn,” Xichen placed his cup down. “He got into a misunderstanding with Uncle… Misunderstanding _s_ ,” he corrected himself. 

“You mean they had a fight?”

“Uh,” Xichen looked up. “Wangji didn’t quite let Uncle respond,” he sighed. “Regardless. They talked early this morning. Found some middle ground. He’s going into solitude.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

Xichen and Wuxian sat down for a moment while he explained what exactly that meant, and how Wangji and his uncle altered it to accommodate Wangji’s schedule. Wuxian wasn’t quite sure what to think. Was it really a middle ground? Surely something else must’ve come from it. He was sure there was some other punishment. Please, when Wuxian spoke out against Lan Qiren in class and challenged the course material, he was threatened to get the Dean involved. “But he’s okay after last night?”

“Yes, he’s okay,” Xichen smiled for reassurance. “You’re a good friend Wuxian,” Xichen patted his hand. “Text me if you want to know anything else, okay?”

“Okay,” Wuxian nodded. 

Xichen grabbed his tea and made his way out, his eyes briefly meeting Guangyao’s. 

Wuxian glanced at them and hummed. “Hey, A-Cheng,” Wuxian turned around. “Can you throw me my sandwich?”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes but went to the back room anyways. 

wuxians morning and afternoon messages 

sizhui never forgot that lovely blend 

“You’re early,” Wuxian said as Sizhui approached the front counter.

“I figured you should show me everything I need to know before 1,” Sizhui smiled. Like clockwork, 1pm was when a huge chunk of their customers came through their doors before Friday and the weekend. “ _But._ I must ask.”

“Ask what?”

Sizhui placed his hands on the counter. The expression on his face told Wuxian that this must be serious. “Is there any way to appeal to your awful memory so you can tell me what blend Yanli gave Zixuan back before Jingyi got you into UCR.”

“I-” Wuxian laughed. “I can guarantee absolutely nothing. I’ll see what I can do. But first, let me show you the register.”

“ _The register_ ,” Sizhui danced around the counter. “Already promoted to _register_. Oh I love it here.”

“You,” Wuxian pinched Sizhui’s cheek. “I might keep you around after this week.”

wwx texts yanli 

  


wwx messages wen qing next 

“Sizhui,” Wuxian called the freshman who was cleaning up a spill. “Why don’t you pick the music until Jin Ling comes in?”

Sizhui gasped and looked up from the table. “[Okay](https://open.spotify.com/track/12x8dNNjYiOEmsz9sOwpiL?si=89f7786c39f743ca)!”

Sizhui could be a good fit here. He was attentive to the customers and their needs, as well as keeping the space pristine and presentation ready. Wuxian could see Yanli and Sizhui working the front end. 

And his upselling? Wow.

“Are you guys still doing the 10%,” one man pointed to the two bowls. 

“Y’know,” Sizhui hummed. “We aren’t _but_ -” he held up his finger. “If you write a note for both of them and order one of the two teas, and get a scone, I’ll give you 10% off the whole order.”

“Oh great,” he smiled. “I’ll do that,” he pulled a pen from his backpack and pulled out his notebook.

Wuxian smiled off to the side. 

“Is that okay,” Sizhui asked quietly while he got to work on the tea. 

“Absolutely,” he nodded. “If someone mentions it again let’s offer them that. We’ll put the bowls away before Friday.”

The door burst open to a wild and slightly frantic Zixuan. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my _god_ ,” he rushed to Wuxian. 

“What? What,” he stopped him.

“Please let me stay at your apartment, I can’t get sick,” he clasped his hands together. “ _Please_.”

“Is Wen Ning sick?”

“Is he _sick_ ,” Zixuan nearly cried. “Please he sounds _disgusting_ . I made him soup and _left_. I couldn’t, oh god.”

“Wen Qing won’t like that,” Sizhui said over his shoulder. 

“He can take care of himself just fine,” Zixuan frowned. “I’ll check in with him but I cannot get sick. I don’t _do_ sick. It’s gross, and I feel like I’m dying. Please don’t send me back there. _He puked in the kitchen sink, Wuxian_.”

“Yes, you can stay over,” Wuxian patted his shoulder. “I’ll check on Wen Ning after work.” Wuxian knew Zixuan didn’t do well around people if they puked. It was a chain reaction for Zixuan and he really couldn’t help it. It didn’t matter how badly he wanted to help the person. He’d see them get sick, and his own stomach would churn instantaneously. And boogers. Boogers too. Zixuan was determined to be a dad one day, but he wasn’t sure exactly how to handle a baby because they can get quite gross. 

“Oh my god, thank you,” Zixuan hugged Wuxian pathetically. “I tried to help him clean up but he pushed me away and told me to leave before I got sick. Don’t tell Wen Qing.”

“Sizhui can you make him some lemon balm tea,” Wuxian smoothed down Zixuan’s hair.

“Oh my god it looked _awful_ , Wuxian, it-,” Zixuan gagged. 

“Go sit down,” Wuxian instructed. 

“Wow,” Sizhui looked at Wuxian.

“Jiang Cheng is the same way,” Wuxian nodded. “This one time, Huaisang got sick from eating something bad and the way the two of them _ran_ away from him, after they both got sick too. Some real Stand By Me shit. God they disappeared for hours.”

“I’m pretty sure Jin Ling is like that,” Sizhui laughed. “Zizhen fake gagged at something Jingyi sent him and Jin Ling gagged just at the sound of it. Surprised even him.”

zixuan looks so nauseous 

first day for sizhui and jin ling: complete 

“Wen Ning,” Wuxian called as he stepped into the apartment. He heard a groan from somewhere inside. “Wen Ning,” he sang out as he peeked around. 

Wen Ning was lying in the bathtub, fully clothed, his hair tied up, wrapped up in an old blanket. “I think I’m dead,” he grumbled, eyes closed. 

“I think you’re not,” Wuxian smiled passing Wen Ning the cup of water that sat on the floor. “Have you had any soup?”

“Don’t talk to me about food,” he took a sip. “Please.”

“Fair enough,” Wuxian sat on the floor.

“How’s Zixuan?”

“He’s fine,” Wuxian smirked. “How are you feeling? Any better from before?”

“Absolutely not,” Wen Ning frowned. 

“Are you comfortable in there,” Wuxian asked. 

“No but I don’t want to get up.”

“Okay,” Wuxian got up. He set out for a pillow and plushie as well as Wen Ning’s laptop. He might as well have Harry Potter playing in the background if he was going to hole himself up in the bathroom. 

He didn’t return to the bathroom until he had absolutely _everything_ he needed. “Okay,” Wuxian announced himself, placing everything down. “Here,” he tucked the pillow behind Wen Ning’s head and handed him his penguin plushie. “We have water,” he held up a jug, “And saltines,” he shook the box. “For when you need it. And we have Harry Potter,” he plugged the laptop in and placed it down. “Can you see the screen?”

“Tilt it up… Better.”

“Okay,” Wuxian clicked around until the movie started.

no reason 

  



	31. F4 Move to Help Zizhen

Sizhui followed Jin Ling into his dorm room and cooed the moment he saw Zizhen curled up onto the bean bag chair, a pout on his face. 

Jin Ling was silent as he turned on his desk lamp and put the leftover pizza into the mini fridge. “We can go to the end lounge,” Jin Ling said quietly as he grabbed his textbook.

“That’s fine,” Sizhui replied crouching in front of Zizhen. “Zizhen,” he muttered, brushing his hair back and shaking his hand. “Zizhen.”

“Mm?” Zizhen shifted, pulling the blanket around him over his head. 

Sizhui laughed, “C’mon Zizhen. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Are you sleeping over,” Zizhen pouted and let Sizhui slowly help him up, barely opening his eyes. 

“No, not tonight,” Sizhui pulled the disheveled covers back and helped Zizhen get in. “Another night, okay?”

Zizhen grumbled in disapproval, trying to pull Sizhui into the bed. 

Sizhui laughed, “I have to go work on my lab report with Jin Ling,” Sizhui tucked Zizhen in. “Go to sleep.”

“Goodnight kiss.”

Sizhui laughed and pulled the blanket over his head. “Goodnight, Zizhen.”

His voice, muffled, “Goodnight guys.”

Jin Ling turned off his desk lamp, “‘Night,” he followed Sizhui out, closing the door quietly. 

“He’s been sleepy lately,” Sizhui pointed out. 

“I don’t think he’s been sleeping through the night,” Jin Ling replied. “I wake up sometimes and he’s at his desk. Or he’s not in the room at all. I assumed he was going to you and Jingyi.”

“No he hasn’t,” Sizhui answered. “I can talk to him. Sounds like he’s swamped with assignments.”

“Probably trying to get his grade back up after all his absences.”

Sizhui got back to his dorm room pretty late but Jingyi was still typing away on his laptop in the dark. “What are you coding now,” Sizhui asked, turning on his salt lamp by his bed. 

Jingyi looked over his shoulder, “Nothing,” he said slowly. 

“Sketchy,” Sizhui placed his shoes under his chair.

“Yes, well,” Jingyi shrugged and kept typing. “How was Lotus Root?”

Sizhui gasped and sat on Jingyi’s desk, “It was so much fun!”

“Isn’t it,” Jingyi leaned back from his laptop, typing quickly before turning his focus to Sizhui. “Did Wuxian let you do the music?”

“He _did_ ,” Sizhui smiled. “I like working there. So far anyways,” he shrugged. “I hope they ask us to go back again sometime when we’re done.”

“Me too! And if they don’t, well, fingers crossed because I just applied to work with the Help Desk,” Jingyi said. “If they hire me for the summer then it’s likely it would carry into next fall without having to reapply.”

“I hope you get it! That would be awesome,” Sizhui nudged his shoulder. “You’d actually get people’s laptops fixed in a reasonable time frame.”

“Seriously though,” Jingyi rolled his eyes. “They’re the worst. I still can’t believe Zizhen took his laptop there _before_ coming to me.”

“Have you talked to Zizhen lately by the way,” Sizhui asked.

“I talk to him every day,” Jingyi replied. 

“I just talked to Jin Ling about it. I guess he’s been acting a bit off,” Sizhui said. 

“Off how?”

“Jin Ling said he’s been very _quiet_ lately. Hasn’t been listening to music when he does his homework. Kind of snappy at Jin Ling. Hasn’t been eating too much either. I guess Jin Ling tried to ask him if he was okay but he just got angry with him,” Sizhui said. 

“Well,” Jingyi folded his hands behind his head. “Jin Ling isn’t the most gentle or sensitive person. He might’ve come across as rude.”

“He thinks it might be about Zizhen’s grades,” Sizhui pointed out.

“Could be,” Jingyi nodded. “Do you want me to talk to him? Or do you?”

“I can after science,” Sizhui thought. “Maybe we’ll come to Lotus Root after. I’ll buy him something,” he jumped off the desk. “Are you staying up?”

“I am,” Jingyi turned back to his laptop as Sizhui changed into his sleepwear. “Just for a bit. I’ll be quiet.”

“You’re a dramatic typer,” Sizhui pointed out.

“I’ll do my best to be quiet.”

Sizhui hummed. “Goodnight.”

“‘Night beautiful,” Jingyi plugged his earbuds in. 

timeline check in 

“God you’re such a gremlin,” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes and walked away from Jingyi. 

Jingyi scoffed and turned back to his laptop.

“Enough you two,” Wuxian called from the counter. 

“Is he starting fights,” Sizhui asked, walking in holding Zizhen’s hand, Jin Ling following behind them. 

“He is. Control him,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

“You-” Wuxian pointed at Jingyi until he huffed and crossed his arms. 

Sizhui walked Zizhen up to the table before going behind the counter. He told Wuxian what he was making and handed him $15. 

Zizhen pouted down at the table while he waited. “Did Sizhui break you,” Jingyi asked. Jin Ling pulled up a chair. Zizhen nodded. Jingyi leaned down and dragged Zizhen’s chair closer so he could drape his leg over Zizhen’s. 

Zizhen immediately started pinching at the fabric idly. Jingyi brushed Zizhen’s hair off his shoulder and subtly ran his fingers through it while they waited for Sizhui to come back. Jin Ling took a sip of Jingyi’s iced tea.

Sizhui smiled at them from the counter before he made his way over. “Okay boys,” he placed an iced tea in front of Zizhen and one in front of Jin Ling, and a hot tea in front of himself. “So we’re going to help Zizhen,” Sizhui told Jingyi and Jin Ling. 

“Okay,” Jingyi agreed. “With what?”

“You’re going to help him with your Marketing course,” Sizhui explained. “Jin Ling will help with Intro to Philosophy and the two of us can help with Case Study Approach to Science.”

Jin Ling nodded, “I can ask Zixuan about your Intro to Classical Lit course if you want.”

“I’m fine with that class,” Zizhen mumbled.

“Are you failing the others?” Jingyi asked. 

Zizhen covered his face with his hands and groaned, “Yes.”

“He spoke to his advisor and professors already,” Sizhui spoke up. “He’s being given extra credit assignments and papers to try and bring it up a bit. He is allowed to retake his latest test in both Marketing and Case Study.”

“What happened baby,” Jingyi frowned. 

“He doesn’t go to class for starters,” Jin Ling replied.

“Shut-” Jingyi hit his shoulder. Jin Ling made a face and rubbed his shoulder. 

Zizhen dropped his hands and looked at Jin Ling, “I can’t pay attention so why bother going half the time?”

“Do you understand the material,” Jingyi asked. 

“I don’t know,” Zizhen shrugged. “I guess? I mean if I actually sit there and absorb it, I can figure it out. But like,” he groaned again and slouched, dropping his hands onto Jingyi’s leg. “What even _is_ philosophy, there is no right answer in that class, I swear what the fuck is even going on?”

“That,” Jin Ling. “That’s valid, yes.”

“I don’t even want to be in Case Study,” Zizhen added. “But I needed a science with a lab to get into Botany. I should’ve fucking taken Intro to Bio instead, at least it’s _focused_ y’know? And I just don’t care about Marketing. No offense,” he glanced at Jingyi.

Jingyi shrugged, “None taken. I’d probably say the same if I was in Intro to Historical Architecture.”

“The _best_ class I even have this semester,” Zizhen pointed out. “I have the shittiest schedule.” 

Jingyi smiled fondly at him, “Love, it’s shitty because you don’t give a fuck about anything in the classes. You’re thriving in your other courses. Because you actually like the subject matter.”

“Case Study is just a prerequisite,” Sizhui pointed out. “Think of it as such. It’s your stepping stone to get into Botany.”

“Think of it like an extension of Botany,” Jin Ling said. 

“And Marketing and Intro to Philosophy meet some of UCR’s graduation requirements because of where they fall. Once they’re done, you don’t have to touch those subjects _ever_ again,” Sizhui added. 

“I’m not stupid,” Zizhen remarked. 

“We know,” Jingyi tugged on his earlobe playfully. “They’re just not your cup of tea.”

“Yes, but this is,” Sizhui tapped on the iced tea in front of Zizhen. “Drink it before it gets too watery.”

Zizhen grabbed the cup and pouted. 

Jin Ling pushed Jingyi, “We’ll help you pass.”

“Ah, why’d you push me?” Jingyi glared.

“I can’t reach him, just pass it along,” Jin Ling replied. 

Jingyi pushed Zizhen who immediately whined. Jingyi laughed and kissed his cheek. “It’ll be fine, we promise.”

Zizhen bit down on the straw and pouted, looking at Sizhui. Sizhui rolled his eyes and kissed his cheek. Zizhen beamed. “You’ll pass, Zizhen.”

Zizhen looked at Jin Ling. “Are you expecting me to kiss you too? Because I won’t.”

“Yes.”

Jin Ling stared at him for a moment. “Imma head out,” Jin Ling stood up.

“Ah, Jin Ling,” Zizhen called. 

“You’ll pass the semester don’t worry,” he called over his shoulder. 

Zizhen pouted again until Jingyi and Sizhui gave him another big fat smooch on his cheekies.

“What’s going on over there,” Jiang Cheng muttered to Wuxian.

“Just ignore them,” Wuxian scrolled through his phone, bored. 


	32. A Multitude of Lans

zizhen doesn’t think hes cut out for a job either 

zixuan is miserable and he’s not even sick 

  
  
  


ok cinderella 

“Is he going to puke,” Jin Ling eyed Wen Ning nervously.

“Hm,” Wuxian looked up from his phone. “No he’s fine,” he looked back down. “Trust me. That’s not a sick Wen Ning. That’s just a drained Wen Ning.”

“He looks like he died.”

“According to him, he did,” Wuxian chuckled. “He’s fine though,” he scrolled aimlessly. 

“What are you doing,” Jin Ling leaned over to get a peek at Wuxian’s phone. 

“Hey,” Wuxian pulled his phone away.

Jin Ling smirked.

“You are not allowed to report back to anyone,” Wuxian replied. “Not Zixuan, and not to your little freshmen four group chat,” he pointed at Jin Ling. 

“Are you scrolling through Hanguang-Jun’s text messages?”

“No!”

Jin Ling snatched the phone. “You guys text _a lot_ , wow. _Academic Purposes_ ,” Jin Ling read out loud. Wen Ning lifted his head. 

“ _Jin Ling_ , you _brat_ ,” Wuxian lunged forward.

“I’m not reading it, don’t worry,” Jin Ling said, still scrolling. “What do you guys even talk about? Don’t say academics.”

Wuxian struggled to get his phone back but when he looked down he was horrified. “ _You‘re the worst_ ,” he groaned, typing. 

“I didn’t realize you two were actually friends,” Jin Ling said. 

“Yeah, well,” Wuxian huffed, locking his phone. “We are. What does it matter anyways?”

“I thought you just wouldn’t leave him alone,” Jin Ling replied honestly. 

“That too,” Wen Ning replied. “He messages him at least twice a week to complete the mutual.”

“ _Because he should,_ ” Wuxian stressed. 

Jin Ling thought, “Should he though? I consider breaking the mutual at least twice a week- _ah_ ,” Jin Ling grabbed the shoulder Wuxian hit. 

“Go do your job,” Wuxian pushed him towards the front as a small group of people were making their way inside. Wen Ning grunted as he pushed himself up and followed Jin Ling to help him. 

Was fighting Jin Ling. 

WANGJI. WANGJI. WANGJI. 

got so drunk he forgot who he was for a moment there 

  


omg babe 

zizhen swap spit with me 

  


a foreshadow 

lan guilt in overdrive 

jingyi is having a personal crisis 

  
  
  


SOLITAIRE 

NOW TRENDING: jingYEET [#jingYEETinactive](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETinactive?src=hashtag_click) [#jingYEETinsolitude](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETinsolitude?src=hashtag_click)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Tell us, Sizhui,” Huaisang leaned forward. “Is Jingyi really doing this or was he just trying to trend?”

“He did say he wanted to trend again the other day,” Zixuan popped a cheerio into his mouth.

“Oh he’s doing it,” Sizhui sipped his water. “He went to bed at 9pm. Woke up at 5am without an alarm. He was meditating all morning.”

“He strikes me as someone who is difficult to wake up,” Jiang Cheng said. 

“He can be,” Sizhui nodded. “He woke up the moment it was 5am today though. Eyes just shot right open.”

“That’s kind of scary,” Huaisang mumbled to Zixuan. 

“Eh,” Sizhui shrugged. 

“You Lans,” Wuxian clicked his tongue. “I don’t get you.”

bit of mold 

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian sat in someone else’s unassigned assigned seat. Wangji continued to look down at his closed notebook in silence. “Oh,” Wuxian lowered his voice to a whisper. “Are you still doing that solitude thing?” No response. “Blink once if I’m right?” No reaction. Wuxian sighed. Wangji looked at Wuxian from the corner of his eye. “Okay, okay, I’ll leave you alone,” he huffed, going to his actual seat.

“God,” Wuxian muttered to his brother, “This could only get worse if Sizhui did this at the same time. I want my Lan boys back.” Jiang Cheng hummed and showed Wuxian his phone. Sizhui tweeted that he also hadn’t sought out solitude in a while. “Sizhui better _not_.” Xichen walked in, earlier than usual. “Oh my god he’ll be next or something. Do they like flock together to do this?”

“I think that would be the opposite of solitude,” Zixuan pointed out. 

“Wouldn’t that be a multitude,” Huaisang asked quietly. 

Wuxian selfishly wanted Wangji to break and speak in class. It’s why he said all the things that usually got some sort of response from Wangji. But nothing. He had been away from campus for a week. He kept up with his assignments where he could and copied notes from his friends when possible. And he couldn’t even talk to Wangji. Now he was back, and _still_ couldn’t talk to Wangji?

He couldn’t interact with Wangji at all and it was killing him. He wanted to talk to him about how upset he was that his perfect grade in Ethical Response was going to drop an entire letter grade. He wanted to talk to him about the reading for Queer Lit and share with him the amazing read he got from Mianmian for that week. He wanted to tell him about how well Lotus Root did under his watch. He wanted to tell him how well the freshmen four did, yes even Zizhen, and how impressed he was with them. He wanted to tell him about Zixuan and his inability to cope with someone throwing up. He wanted to tell him about Jingyi descending into pure panic when he realized Xichen could see all of his tweets. He wanted to tell him that he started to panic because he didn’t know how to help calm Jingyi down. 

He wanted to tell him that he started panicking when he saw Madam Yu calling but he let it go to voicemail. He wanted to tell him that he still hasn’t listened to the recording. He wanted to tell him that he couldn’t sleep the other night so he stayed up working on some choreography. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t go to the gallery open across town because he wanted to experience it with him. 

He wanted to tell him that he felt _so_ pathetic for being like this when it’s literally only been a _week_. A week was nothing. Why was Wuxian so upset?

He was probably so upset because he already had such little time to learn everything he could about Wangji. To talk to Wangji. To do things with Wangji. 

Wangji was already one of his best friends, he knew it. He knew because of how attached he was becoming to him. His friends were his world. And Wangji was definitely in that circle. 

And god, a week after not hearing his voice? That shit hurt in ways Wuxian was unable to put words. And it _hurt_ to hear him speak for the first time in a week in Queer Lit. It hurt because they couldn’t actually have a conversation. Even in the class Wuxian picked up how he sounded closed off and distant as he spoke.

Wangji hummed in response to someone’s comment. Wuxian sighed and looked down at his notes. 

Wangji didn’t even glance his way once. Maybe being off campus was better than he realized. Because this sucked more. 

It especially sucked when he looked down at his phone while studying later that night and Wangji texted him back. It sucked because he would much rather talk in person at this moment. But this was fine. 

hmm? 

Wuxian locked his phone and looked up at whatever Jiang Cheng was watching on TV. Did Wangji just reject him?

Wangji commenting, Zizhen investigating, Sizhui proud, Jingyi meditating, Wuxian sad 

  
  



	33. Lan Guilt

Mianmian listened to Wangji hum while he played the piano, testing out melodies. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled. 

“How’s your back?”

“It’s fine,” he looked up at her. “It’s not that bad.”

“You say that every time.”

“You make it sound like it happens a lot.” Three times in one year was quite a bit for the  _ same _ reason. Well… Stemming from the same thing. Mianmian didn’t need to point it out. 

Mianmian started, “You know you can come over whenever. If you ever need a break.”

Wangji turned back to the piano after thinking for a moment. “I know. But I’m fine.”

“Wangji,” Mianmian started slowly.

“Mianmian,” he replied. 

He wasn’t going to talk to her. Not today anyways. “I’ll let you focus,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Mn.”

Wangji didn’t focus as well as he hoped. He did better when he was in solitude, despite how loud it all was. He was able to work deeply on his music when he wasn’t at home meditating. But now, now that he had freedom from that strict schedule, he couldn’t focus. 

Because now he  _ could _ do what he wanted. In theory. 

But he couldn’t, really, now could he? 

He looked down at his phone and opened up his message with Wuxian. His fingers lingered over the keyboard but didn’t do anything. 

“Can you talk now?” Wangji looked over his shoulder to see the man himself. He looked back at the sheet music before him. “I’m guessing, no?”

“I can,” he replied quietly, slowly pressing the keys before him. 

Wuxian pulled up a chair. Wangji kept his eyes in front of him. He didn’t want to look at Wuxian. He didn’t want to see his hair braided over his shoulder. He didn’t want to see his bare arms. He didn’t want to see him. 

Wuxian had a small fan pointed at his own face. Wangji really did not want to see him. He didn’t. 

“Can you get food today?”

“I can’t,” he kept playing his emotions out onto the piano slowly, trying to pretend that this was not the person he called when he broke down crying the week before.  _ Crying _ . Wangji. He still couldn’t believe how he let everything pile up and get to him like that. He was usually so much better at letting his frustrations and exhaustion go before it ever got to that point. 

He wouldn’t make that mistake again. 

“Are you sure you’re okay,” Wuxian asked, trying to lean over to get Wangji to look at him. 

“I am. Busy.”

“Really,” Wuxian hummed. “I was going to offer finishing up with season one of the ghosties.” Wangji hesitated for just a moment. “We never did finish it like we wanted to.”

“No, we didn’t,” Wangji kept playing. 

“If not today, maybe soon?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you want to talk about the past week?”

“We don’t have to,” Wangji played faster. 

“We don’t,” Wuxian agreed. “But we could. If you wanted.” Wangji didn’t want. But he figured Wuxian probably did. 

“What are you thinking?”

“Well I’m thinking that you won’t look at me,” Wuxian joked. “You didn’t yesterday either.” Wangji kept playing. Wuxian pointed the fan at him, at just the right angle to blow his hair right into his face. 

Wangji stopped playing to brush his hair back. He kept his eyes on the keys. “Is it normal to stop looking at people after a week in solitude?” No response. 

Wangji felt terrible already, forcing himself to keep some sort of distance between himself and Wuxian. This conversation wasn’t going to make him feel  _ any _ better. 

“Or be  _ exceptionally _ quiet?” No response. “I guess I can wait to see from Jingyi at the end of the week, but I’d rather you just talk to me.”

“Jingyi is in solitude?” He spoke quietly. 

“He is.”

“Why?”

“‘Lan guilt’ according to Sizhui,” Wuxian replied, pointing the fan back at Wangji just to watch him fix his hair again. “He posts some questionable things on Twitter. He forgot that your brother could see everything.”

“Mn.” Wangji swallowed slowly. “Lan guilt.”

“I’m not sure I really get it,” Wuxian said. “But I suppose it’s because I’m not in the same clan. There’s so many rules, I don’t really know how you do it.”

“We don’t always. We feel guilt, and repent. I am sure everything caught up with Jingyi at that moment when he decided to seek solitude,” Wangji replied.

“I don’t think he should feel guilty for anything,” Wuxian countered. Except… Maybe committing academic fraud. But he couldn’t point that out.

Wangji thought a lot about how Jingyi presented himself on social media and how loud he was in person… He disagreed with Wuxian on this one. If he had been doing and saying the same things as Jingyi right now he would feel immense guilt. He already felt guilty for the things that he thought and kept to himself. “We should not be talking about him behind his back,” he stated. 

Wuxian pointed the fan at him again. Wangji held down his hair. “You seem very distant,” Wuxian said dully, not moving the fan. 

“I’m not.”

“Seems like it,” Wuxian turned the setting up on the fan. 

“I’m just… Trying to be a good Lan again.” Wangji tried to explain, without the details. 

Wuxian turned the fan off in surprise. “Again?”

Wangji smoothed his hair down, “Mn.”

“Did you ever stop?”

Wangji finally looked up to meet Wuxian’s eyes. “Yes.”

“Do you think Sizhui is a bad Lan? Or Jingyi?” No response. “Right, you won’t answer,” Wuxian dropped the fan into his bag. “I don’t think solitude did you any good if all it did was make you put your walls up again.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

Wuxian smirked despite himself. “Lan Zhan,” he leaned forward. “It’s  _ just _ the two of us. No one else is in this room unless I’m mistaken,” he looked around. “You don’t do,” he paused and motioned to Wangji, “ _ this _ when it’s just us. You drive with one leg up on the seat. You blast music. You shovel twizzlers into your mouth. You laugh, like a gremlin might I add. You  _ relax _ ,” he leaned back in the chair. “Right now you’re the opposite of relaxed.”

Wangji looked down. 

“I don’t know what happened, but I do know that you have your guard up right now,” Wuxian said. “And I’m sorry for that because I really miss talking to you, and doing things with you,” he paused. “We’re friends, Lan Zhan. We can be honest with each other. We don’t have to keep our walls up around each other.  _ But  _ I can tell that you don’t want to talk right now,” Wuxian stood, tossing his bag over his shoulder. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow,” he gave him a small smile. More to show Wangji that he wasn’t upset with him. 

He was sad though, and he was sure Wangji could hear it in his voice. 

But Wangji didn’t need to hear it in his voice. Because he felt it himself.  _ They can be honest with each other? _

Wangji hasn’t been honest with Wuxian though. It didn’t really matter that Wuxian was becoming his best friend. Because he has been thinking about him a little bit more and a little more deeply than  _ just _ a best friend. And he couldn’t say so just yet. To be honest meant possibly ruining their friendship. And Wuxian  _ was _ becoming his best friend. Wangji couldn’t lose that. 

Wangji felt more uncomfortable seeing Wuxian than not seeing him. For now anyways. 

He  _ did  _ want to talk to Wuxian. He wanted to tell him everything he said to his Uncle. And everything his Uncle said to him. He wanted to tell him how his brother even tried to disrupt his meditation to talk to him about what happened.  _ His brother.  _

He wanted to tell him how excited he was to see that Xichen had brought something back from him. He wanted to tell him how well he was able to work on his music during the week despite it all. 

He wanted to tell him that he was warned to stay away from Wuxian and people like him. He wanted to tell him that that was why it was harder to see him than to not.

And he wanted to tell him how upset he was that he wasn’t sure if they could finish their ghost show. He wanted to tell him he was sorry that he was pulling away. He wanted to tell him that he was nervous to spend so much time with him because they were getting too close. The result of getting close was too messy, too complicated, and could end very badly for their friendship. 

Wuxian probably wouldn’t want to risk their friendship either. They might already be on that same page for all Wangji knew.

But Wednesday was difficult to get through. He was acutely aware of Wuxian’s presence despite having his back turned. He listened to Wuxian and Xichen discuss the reading, slowly and as always, engaging the rest of the class. 

He only looked over his shoulder when Wuxian and Guangyao started to argue about photography. Wangji and Xichen glanced at each other for a brief moment before turning their eyes back to the bickering boys. 

He wanted so badly to jump in and take part in the discussion. But he couldn’t bring himself to actually speak to Wuxian yet. 

He saw Jiang Cheng’s tweet asking if Wangji seemed unnaturally stiff and uptight in class. And he saw Wuxian’s comment telling Jiang Cheng to fix his posture before commenting on someone else’s. Wangji couldn’t help but smirk. 

But it fell when he looked up in Queer Lit and saw Wuxian make his way back to his seat from talking with another student. He felt all of his muscles constrict with stress when Wuxian looked up and met his gaze. 

Wangji looked down after a few moments and cleared his throat.

He silently begged for Wuxian to participate in class, but he didn’t, and it killed him a bit on the inside. It killed him because he thought  _ what if _ this was the only way they could interact? What if Wangji really did step away from this friendship? This really would be all they would have, wouldn’t it?

He weighed out all his options last week. Most of them he hated. 

He hated the idea of never interacting with him outside of a classroom. 

He hated the idea of being casual friends. 

He hated the idea of never sharing music with each other. 

He hated the idea of never driving around at night together.

He hated the idea of not keeping each other company at exhibitions, galleries, readings… 

Anything really. Because Wangji  _ liked _ Wuxian’s company.

The more time he spent being friends with Wuxian, the more he selfishly wished it was something else. And that confused him deeply. It was one of the reasons he even considered breaking off their friendship.

But then he considered,  _ again _ , the repercussions of letting himself get closer, growing more attached. 

Really, at this point, Wangji was just circling around on himself and there was no end in sight. He wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up breaking down like he had last week. There were just so many factors in play, and it was just a never ending thought. 


	34. Wangji and Wen Qing Talk

zixuan and yanli movie night 

  


i’m going to need jingyi fixed 

  
  
  


a coloring party 

  


a milkshake party? 

  


i am looking 

Wangji felt absolutely sick to his stomach when he saw Wuxian walk in, laughing beside Wen Qing, his smile bright. Wangji looked down at his near empty milkshake when Wuxian caught sight of him.

Wuxian didn’t go over though. He kept walking with Wen Qing up to the counter to put their orders in. Song Lan immediately picked up on Wangji’s discomfort, though he wasn’t sure of the cause. “Are you okay?” Wangji looked up at him. “Did you want to head out?”

“Mn.”

“Okay,” Song Lan grabbed his keys, drinking his last bit of milkshake. 

But of course. Wuxian and Wen Qing weren’t actually staying. Of course they all started leaving at the same time. And of course Song Lan, the kind bean he is, held the door open for them on their way out. 

“Hey Lan Zhan,” Wuxian smiled. Wen Qing could tell he forced it. At the counter he had mumbled something about Wangji sitting with some pretty guy and pouted pretty heavily. 

Wangji held his hands behind his back. “Hi.” Song Lan nudged him. “This is Wei Wuxian, and Wen Qing,” he told him. 

Before Wangji could even introduce Song Lan, he gasped, “Wei Wuxian!”

“Y-yes,” Wuxian’s eyes widened slightly. 

“Oh my god, my boyfriend mentions you _all_ the time!” Song Lan said in disbelief. 

“Your boyfriend,” Wuxian repeated slowly glancing at Wangji. 

Wait. He didn’t think Song Lan was his boyfriend did he? The look on Wuxian’s face definitely suggested that. Wangji panicked on the inside but did his best to keep face, “Xingchen.”

“Ah,” Wuxian looked back at Song Lan as he processed. “Wait… _Wait_ ,” Wuxian broke out his smile again. “ _You’re Song Lan_.”

“That’s me,” Song Lan pointed to himself excitedly, “Oh my god I’ve been wanting to meet you!”

Wuxian gasped, “I kept telling Mianmian the same!”

“Wait, oh my god let’s send her a selfie,” Song Lan pulled out his phone. 

“Wait the lighting is shit here,” Wuxian grabbed his arm, “Let’s do it under that post,” he pulled him. 

“Huh,” Wen Qing watched them go off. “I think we got ditched.”

“Mn.” Wangji watched the two of them talking excitedly with each other. Wuxian screamed and laughed at something Song Lan said. 

Wen Qing looked up at him curiously. “Where’d you park?”

“At the end of the street,” Wangji pointed in the opposite direction of the two. 

“I think they’re going to be there for a bit,” Wen Qing pointed out. “Can I walk you to your car?”

“Okay,” Wangji nodded, reluctantly turning his back. 

“How is your semester going so far,” Wen Qing asked.

“Good.”

“Wuxian is in a class you’re teaching?” Wen Qing added. She knew the answer. 

“He is.”

“How is he doing,” she looked up. 

“He’s,” he paused. “Exceling.”

Wen Qing let out a soft sigh, “Good, that’s a relief. He doesn’t talk about his grades, so I wasn’t sure. I was worried he wasn’t doing well since he refused to tell me about them.”

“Really?” Wangji hummed. “I am fairly certain he’s doing incredibly well in all of his courses. I would not worry.”

“Good, good,” she nodded. “I’ll have to let Yanli know; his sister. You’ve met her before, right?”

“Yes,” he confirmed. “She’s kind.”

“She is,” Wen Qing looked down and smiled.

Wangji folded his hands behind his back. “You… Both started Lotus Root?”

“We did,” Wen Qing answered. “We used to always talk about starting a business together. I wanted something a little more… Medicinal… And she wanted something a little more cat café or froyo bar. Lotus Root was the result? I think it’s perfect, in my unbiased opinion.”

“I agree,” Wangji replied. To start a business up with someone else when you both have different visions, and still be able to find a logical middle ground that both parties are happy with? “You must be good friends.”

Wen Qing let out a laugh, “Yeah, you can say that. Yanli is… An amazing person. It’s impossible to not love her.”

“Mn,” Wangji bit the inside of his cheek. “Must run in the family.”

Wen Qing glanced up in surprise. “Mn, well,” she paused, trying to choose her words carefully. “I’m not sure any of them really got it from Jiang Fengmian or Yu Ziyuan. Definitely not Wei Wuxian.”

“Oh?”

“They’re not the kindest people,” Wen Qing admitted. 

“Clan Leader Jiang Fengmian,” Wangji said slowly, stopping at his car. He always heard quite positive things about him and of Lotus Pier. He mostly heard that he was fairly forgiving and laidback when the situation allowed him to be. 

“He’s,” Wen Qing thought carefully. “He could be a better father to Jiang Cheng. And less demanding of Wuxian. He’s quite unfair in his expectations of each of them. And Madam Yu is pretty aggressive. And harsh with her comments. They’re very good at pointing the kids at each other.”

“I wouldn’t have thought so,” Wangji admitted. “They’re all very kind. And seem very close.”

“They are close. Jiang Cheng is a bit hard on himself and very competitive with Wuxian sometimes to impress his parents; it can cause some tension. And Wuxian sets unrealistic goals for himself and constantly puts Jiang Cheng and Yanli first I guess… to prove his worth in the family? Which only starts arguments. And Yanli is so giving and kind and gentle. She always puts her brothers back together and mediates anything between them. I’d say Yanli raised those boys more than their parents.”

Wangji inhaled slowly. “I don’t… Know Jiang Cheng that well. Or Yanli for that matter. But they all seem like wonderful people to know.”

“They absolutely are.” Wen Qing wasn’t going to give any indication that Wuxian had expressed the night before that he thought Wangji was avoiding him. Or why he thought so. But she desperately wanted to in hopes that he would stop. “I’m glad you and Wuxian are friends,” she settled on instead. 

Wangji gave her a questioning look. “Wuxian is good at making ‘friends’. Friendly acquaintances. But I can tell that you two are close. You bring out a side to Wuxian that I haven’t seen in a long time.”

“A side?”

Wen Qing nodded, “He left anything to do with the arts behind in high school, even though he loved it. I’m going to have to thank you for getting him back into it.”

“Why do you think I had something to do with it though?”

“I don’t think he would’ve started visiting museums or galleries if you hadn’t asked him that one time. He’s constantly looking up events and exhibitions and readings in those kinds of spaces now,” Wen Qing pointed out. “Half the time he talks about music, your name comes up too.”

“It does?”

“It does,” she assured him. “Whether it’s something you sent him, or something he’s considering sending you. He also mentions reaching out to you for some help with his independent study occasionally?”

Wangji blinked in surprise. “He hasn’t.”

“No?” Wen Qing shrugged. “Maybe he figured it out.” Or maybe he wimped out. 

“Okay but what do you think of me teaching at UCR?” Song Lan asked Wuxian as they neared Wangji’s car.

“Bitch do it?” Wuxian laughed. “I would 100% take a Sociology course with you, are you _kidding_?”

“ _Thank you_ ,” Song Lan replied. “Now go convince Guangshan.” He sighed and turned to Wangji and Wen Qing. “Ready to go, Wangji?”

“Mn.”

“Text me those pictures,” Wuxian said. 

“ _Yes_ ,” Song Lan opened the passenger door. “And send me that link you were talking about.”

“I’ll do it right now,” Wuxian pulled out his phone. 

Wen Qing and Wangji gave each other a small smile. 

“See you Monday, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian said to him. 

Wangji pressed his lips together. “Mn.”

Song Lan waited until Wangji started the car. “One day, I’m going to hand you a dictionary so you can expand your vocabulary.”

Wangji shot him a look, “My vocabulary is extensive.”

“Please put it into practice then.”

Wuxian watched as Wangji glared at Song Lan before driving away. “What did you talk about,” he asked, horrified. 

“Nothing,” Wen Qing replied innocently.

“You are such a liar,” Wuxian followed her as she continued walking.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about? Don’t accuse me of anything-”

“ _Wen Qing_ ,” he whined. 


	35. Over the Russian Ballet

a bitch of a rugrat 

  
  


WUXIAN PLEASE— 

  


wen ning is the culprit 

  


someone is betraying huaisang 

huaisang is going to be jealous 

you SCUM 

  
  


farewell daddy 

????? 

bet you weren’t expecting this 

  


wen ning, dear, focus 

  
  
  
  


but WHO’S robe is it? 

HUAISANG- 

  
  
  


wen ning best boy

Friday was absolutely dull for everyone. Jingyi was still in solitude, Wangji took extra hours at the library, Wuxian and Jiang Cheng studied while covering at Lotus Root so Wen Qing and Yanli could have the night off, and Zixuan spent the entire night studying with Wen Ning and Huaisang. 

Huaisang glanced at the clock and sighed. Nearly 11. Wen Ning looked at Huaisang and raised his eyebrows. “I guess I’ll head out,” he mumbled sadly. 

“Hm,” Zixuan looked up from his laptop curiously. “Why?”

“It’s,” Wen Ning paused, “It’s almost 11.”

“Oh,” Zixuan glanced at the time. “I guess so?”

Huaisang groaned and started compiling his things. “Probably for the best. I have to head out anyways. It’s just me and Mingjue for brunch tomorrow so I promised I would cook this time. I’d invite you both but, it’s just us.”

“I’m sleeping _in_ ,” Wen Ning informed him with a dramatic stretch. 

“I’m going to Carp Tower tomorrow anyways,” Zixuan shrugged. 

“Any reason?”

“Lunch,” Zixuan closed his laptop. “I’m mostly going because I just want to see my mom. And I want to talk to Guangyao; he’s going.” Zixuan paused. “How did he seem when he left your house last night?”

“Tired,” Huaisang shrugged. “Looked kinda upset still.”

Zixuan hummed. “Okay.”

Huaisang pushed himself up with a sigh. “Goodnight daddy-”

“-Stop-”

“Goodnight best boy,” Huaisang squeezed Wen Ning’s cheek. He beamed in response. “I’ll text you guys tomorrow.”

Zixuan was not looking forward to the next day. He didn’t want to have to deal with Zixun again, and he didn’t want to have to face Guangyao, but he would. He would because it was the right thing to do, despite how much Guangyao probably despised him. He just wanted to make sure he was actually okay. 

Because, well… Last time Guangyao started falling down a hole, he was not okay. And when Zixuan decided that it was all too much, and asked his brother to move out with him, he really thought he would. “I found a place that is affordable considering the size,” he had told Guangyao. “My friend Wen Ning will be moving in too, so the rent would be split into three. He’s fairly quiet. And he values a clean living space. You don’t have to stay forever, but I think it would be good.” Guangyao didn’t respond. “The offer stands if you want in.”

But Guangyao felt that he couldn’t take up the offer. It didn’t matter that he barely lived at home anymore. He had convinced their father to let him live on campus “for an easier commute and greater focus on his studies,” as he used in his lengthy defense to have the cost of on campus living added to his tuition. It was discounted anyways with his father now as the president of the University. 

To leave after that? Well it was just too much back and forth for him to get away with. Besides, Zixuan himself didn’t get off too easy at first for moving away from him and into an apartment in the greater Cloud Recesses area. He didn’t even bother staying in Lanling, which only fueled the fire even more. 

Guangshan and Madam Jin were _incredibly_ upset with Zixuan for his decision. Guangshan was angered by his son childishly running away and turning his back on his responsibilities. Madam Jin was saddened that her son was leaving her and the act made it seem that he did not care for them. 

And Zixuan _was_ turning his back on his father. His father was not the kind of man he wanted to become. While he did his best to come around for family events and gatherings, he could not idly stand by while his father did and said all the things that Zixuan did not stand for. Guangshan and Madam Jin collectively ignored this fact.

When approached about the situation now, Guangshan and Madam Jin would boast about Zixuan and how mature and responsible he was and how they supported this phase where he would grow in independence away from Carp Tower’s luxuries. 

But if Guangyao had done the same, if Guangyao had gone with Zixuan, it would not be the case. The resentment would stay. They would have equally turned their back on him. Welcomed his absence. They would have seen the act as cowardice and weak. It would be proof that he was _not_ a Jin.

Zixuan hadn’t considered that fact for longer than he wanted to admit. But he hadn’t, and had been hard on Guangyao for staying. He didn’t consider that Guangyao would have more to lose if he left. He didn’t consider that Guangyao had to have more secured for himself before he could step away, if he chose to do so. 

Zixuan was not the kindest to Guangyao when he arrived at Carp Tower, still young and impressionable. Young and impressionable himself, he quickly picked up his father’s, and _especially_ his mother’s treatment of small Meng Yao. He wouldn’t talk about the “little parasite” to anyone if it could be helped, and he barely spoke to him at first. 

They had taken the boy in for public appearance, not because any of them actually cared for Guangyao. He was smart, and fairly brilliant for a boy his age, and was slowly making a name for himself amongst the clans. When it came to public knowledge that he was Guangshan’s son, it seemed almost a shame to not raise the boy to be a strong leader, in one sense or another. He was the _only_ child from one of Guangshan’s affairs that was brought into their home, because of his incredible potential.

So yes, they took him in. Yes, he was trained alongside Zixuan and Zixun. Yes, he celebrated his shared birthday with Zixuan (though most attention was paid towards Zixuan). And yes, people outside the clan thought highly of him. 

But his family did not. And with time, Zixuan realized as much. 

Zixuan started to question his parents. He started to feel awful for the way he spoke down to Guangyao, as if he had any choice in their father’s affairs. Zixuan apologized for it. Sincerely. And he worked to have _some_ sort of positive relationship with Guangyao.

They weren’t close, but they did refer to each other as a half-twin (only to themselves). They did consider each other brothers. But neither spoke of the other to anyone. Neither made an effort to spend time with each other outside Carp Tower, or any random happenstance. 

Zixuan was convinced that Guangyao still hated him, but tolerated him for his own benefit. But that wasn’t entirely true. Guangyao mostly tolerated Zixun, for the sake of his other friends. But when it came to Zixuan, he didn’t hate him. He saw that Zixuan was genuine, through his actions towards him. He was always quick to defend him against their parents. He’d shoot him a text every so often to check in on how he was holding up. And occasionally, he would try and have a face-to-face sit down (though usually at Carp Tower).

Zixuan had worked hard for Guangyao’s trust. He didn’t hate Zixuan. 

Their choice to ignore each other in public and act like they barely knew each other was entirely _their_ choice. They didn’t need people talking about their family, or their family talking about them. They had in the very least agreed to not feel obligated to act like they were brothers outside of family obligations. Zixuan just wanted to distance himself from the family, and Guangyao wanted the power that came with being a part of it. They had two very different focuses when it came to that.

Best not get in each other’s way. 

what happened? 

  
  


“Xichen,” Lan Qiren pulled his attention from his phone. “The food is burning,” he pointed out. 

Xichen muttered as he turned his focus back to the food. “Sorry, Uncle.”

“Everything okay?”

“A friend seems pretty upset,” Xichen replied. 

“Hm.”

Wangji looked up from his notebook. “Do you want me to take over so you can message them?”

“No,” Xichen shook his head. “No it’s okay.”

“Mn,” Wangji looked back down at his notebook. “Uncle?”

“Yes?”

“I was hoping to go to campus to work on some music?”

“When?”

“Now,” Wangji replied. “If that’s okay.”

“Why don’t you wait until after lunch,” he asked. “I’m sure Xichen’s food won’t be too burnt,” he joked.

“I’m not very hungry,” Wangji replied.

“I wouldn’t be offended if you were and just didn’t want to eat it,” Xichen sighed at the growing mess in front of him.

“If your brother doesn’t take offense then go on,” Qiren waved.

tl update 

Wangji sat at his guqin with his eyes closed. He felt so much better after working on his music for these last couple hours, he almost didn’t want to go back home. His head felt clear when he was away from home lately.

He could think logically when he surrounded himself with music like this. He could think things through. And after a particularly eye-opening piece that came to him, he knew that he had _not_ been thinking too clearly on things. 

So he decided. 

He decided some things were worth the risk.

someone else has been in the fpa this whole time 

_Feel like[summer](https://open.spotify.com/track/0LqCvXVNvcnkq78sCQsoO0?si=1acc18d05211438d) and I don’t wanna miss you _

_If we don’t touch lips not an issue_

Wangji heard the sound of music blasting through the hall as he locked the music room behind him. Xingchen sometimes dropped by on weekends to work on pieces with some students or to work on some choreo before bringing it into his classes. It was likely that it was him. Wangji figured he should at least pop his head in and say hi. 

_I don’t wanna talk ‘bout nobody else_

_Know I said no love but I want to_

Wangji felt his throat close. This was not what he planned for his Saturday. He took a half step back hoping to be hidden from view.

_Fuck around_

_Feel my heartbeat_

Wuxian, focused on his reflection as he let the music accompany him around the space. Wangji, focused on Wuxian. He wasn’t sure he could look away, even if that’s what he wanted. But he _didn_ ’ _t_ want to ever look away from Wuxian. 

_Fill me up ‘cause I’m running on empty_

_And it’s fine if we’re only pretending_

Wangji could not believe his eyes. He _needed_ Wuxian to dance to one of his pieces. He absolutely _needed_ it. It was critical. It had to happen. Because standing here, watching Wuxian block out the world and focus on the music was beautiful. Graceful. 

_Try not to fall in love_

_Don’t think I’ve had enough but I said it’s fine by me_

And utterly devastating. Devastating because Wangji had spent this entire time not seeing him dance. He spent this entire time being unaware of how badly he needed to see him dance; unaware of what his life was lacking.

_Caught feelings_

_When the leaves turn_

_No more favors_

_Nice to meet ya_

_Catch you later_

Wangji’s breath caught. His chest tightened painfully. 

He felt like at that moment he could walk away from everything else. He felt like he could turn to Wuxian instead. Because even when things felt like they were blowing up in his face, he knew he had his music. 

And pairing Wuxian with music was a beautiful combination. Nothing fit so beautifully together than the two. He needed Wuxian to focus on _his_ music, dance _with_ his music, _feel his music_. 

_Kiss my wounds but not forever_

_And it’s fine if we’re only pretending_

Wuxian walked over to the speaker and turned it off. The only sound in the studio was his heavy breathing. He crouched down to check the time on his phone.

Wangji reluctantly walked in, going against his instinct that told him to run and never mention this. But he walked in. Because he had decided.

Wuxian looked over his shoulder, “Ah, Lan Zhan,” he stood up. “Uhm,” he paused. “What are you doing here?”

“That was… beautiful,” Wangji replied quietly.

“Hm?”

“Your dance.”

Wuxian’s eyes widened slightly, “You saw that?”

“I did.”

“Ah,” Wuxian panicked a bit on the inside. He knew Zixuan said the dance was good but he wasn’t prepared for _Lan Wangji_ to see him. “I really expected you to come in one day when I was surrounded by everyone else in class.”

“I’m glad it wasn’t.” Wangji paused. He really was floored to see how gracefully Wuxian moved with the music. “I prefer this over the Russian Ballet.”

“ _Lan Zhan!_ ” Wuxian laughed out, “Now you’re just lying,” he moved closer. 

“I’m not in the slightest,” Wangji replied. 

Wuxian shook his head and asked again. “What are you doing here?”

“I was working on my music.”

Wuxian draped his bag over his shoulder, “Do you feel better?”

“Mn,” Wangji nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“… For everything since I called you.” Wangji paused when he saw Wuxian’s confused look. “For calling, and disappearing without a word after. Especially when I offered to help with anything with Lotus Root that week. And for… Avoiding you.”

“Ah,” Wuxian nodded. “Well, you don’t need to apologize for calling me. You can _always_ call me. I don’t care if it’s to tell me something, or to sit in silence, or if you need to cry.” Wangji looked down. “You need to do what’s best for you. If going ghost for a week is what you need, Danny Phantom, that’s okay.”

“I feel bad regardless.”

“I know,” Wuxian replied. “But you don’t need to. Lotus Root was fine for starters, and I know you didn’t want to talk about anything after. You still don’t have to, but you don’t need to avoid me. The walls don’t have to go up.”

Wangji nodded, “I know. Can I still… Make it up to you?”

“You don’t need to do anything,” Wuxian smiled. “You talking to me is enough. But I am curious what you will propose.”

“I haven’t eaten in hours. Do you want to make something to eat with me?”

Wuxian blinked. “ _Make_ ? Not _get_?”

“Mhm.”

“Oh, no,” Wuxian shook his head. “I can’t cook.”

“You’ve made-”

“No, no,” Wuxian stopped him, “That sandwich was just _assembling_ things. I can’t actually cook.”

“I’ll cook. You assemble,” Wangji offered. “If you’re hungry?”

Wuxian smiled softly, “I’m starving.”

“Would it be okay to go to your apartment instead?”

“Of course! I’m not sure what we have though.”

“I planned on stopping by the store first,” Wangji assured him.


	36. Chicken Peas

  


Wangji plugged in an aux cord and held it out for Wuxian. “Wait, me?”

“You,” Wangji nodded. “Whatever you want.”

“This could go so badly,” Wuxian accepted the cord. “Just saying.”

“I trust your music taste.”

“That might be misplaced,” Wuxian scrolled through his library. “But I’ll do my best.”

_Well I met an old man dying on a train_

_No more destination, no more pain_

_Well he said one thing: “Before I graduate_

_Never let your fear decide your fate”_

Wangji let Wuxian turn up the volume. He missed this; being around him. A lot. He wondered if Wuxian missed it as much as he did. “ _I say you[kill your heroes](https://open.spotify.com/track/23hln7JvLtFTXa0kZLAVRY?si=4be442ad09fd4f9a) and fly, fly,” _ Wuxian turned towards him, “ _baby don’t cry!_ ” Wangji stopped at a red light and looked at him as he sang into his phone loudly, his eyes tightly shut. “ _Every day we just go, go, baby don’t go! Don’t you worry, we love you more than you know!_ ”

Wangji chuckled to himself. He knew the song well. In Xichen’s early days of being in Lie Bing, he had a playlist that he would listen to before rehearsals. He thought Xichen’s taste in music was good, but Wuxian’s might be better. It was always surprising to hear what Wuxian would put on next.

The second song was different though. He was entirely unfamiliar with it. 

_In sweetness comes suffering_

_I won’t rest till I can’t breathe_

_I can’t breathe with you_

_Looking at me_

Even taking the slightly longer route to the store that was already fairly close to the campus, they arrived before the song could even finish. He aimlessly drove around the parking lot for a moment to hear just a bit more. 

Wuxian figured as much when Wangji eventually settled on a parking spot. “I can send you [this song](https://open.spotify.com/track/6ZXoX3GiljGiuQpGCjWJI3?si=418fdfc8d6b34fda) if you want?”

_I get bored as I get older_

_Can you help me figure this out?_

He turned the car off, “I would like that, thank you.”

“Of course,” Wuxian jumped out of the car. “So what exactly are we making?”

Wangji followed him, “I haven’t thought about it yet.”

“Is any meat involved?”

“No.”

“Well I’m sure I’ll still like it,” Wuxian turned his head to pout but never lost the pep in his step despite the news of a vegetarian meal. Because he was going to make lunch with Wangji! Wangji was going to make lunch with him! 

“Do you like chickpeas?”

“Chicken peas?” Wangji looked at him incredulously. “I’m _kidding_ ,” he nudged Wangji’s shoulder as he grabbed a basket. “Yes I like chickpeas.”

“Feta?”

“Yes?”

“Hm.”

Wangji walked around the store, handing items to Wuxian to put in the basket. “Do you have olive oil, salt, and pepper?”

“Yes.”

“Cayenne pepper?”

“Yes, actually we do.”

“Perfect,” Wangji handed him a package of cherry tomatoes and spinach. “What about tortillas?”

“No, I don’t think so?”

“Okay,” Wangji turned and redirected himself towards a different aisle. 

Wuxian smiled and followed him, “Lan Zhan?”

“Hm,” Wangji picked up different packages to compare. 

“Can we get some snacks too?”

“Snacks,” Wangji looked up to see Wuxian holding different kinds of twizzlers. “Yes. We can get snacks.”

“Let me go get some chocolate then,” Wuxian scampered off to the rack they had just passed. Wangji chuckled to himself. 

This was nice. It didn’t matter how nervous Wangji was about everything. Because this felt nice.

i hate him 

Wangji hummed in thought as he turned the music up slightly. Wuxian was scrolling through this phone while he sang quietly.

_This feeling that I’m feeling is the realest sensation_

_This love we make is just as raw and real as_

_Our conversations are, baby_

“Goddamn, this song” Wuxian turned the music up just two more notches and sang into his phone. “ _Let me treat your body like I know that I’m supposed to. I know you know I know I’m the only one that really knows you. I’m going to show you how I,_ ” Wuxian turned to Wangji dramatically and sang out, “ _I need it.[I ](https://open.spotify.com/track/03X3YEhpBI3Yl651OdqOCr?si=67e93c9d58f746a4) _ [ need ](https://open.spotify.com/track/03X3YEhpBI3Yl651OdqOCr?si=67e93c9d58f746a4) _[ it](https://open.spotify.com/track/03X3YEhpBI3Yl651OdqOCr?si=67e93c9d58f746a4). _ I _need_ it _. I need you-”_ Wuxian pulled his leg up onto the seat.

Wangji glanced over to see Wuxian snapping along to the song. “Lan Zhan,” he turned the music down. “Huaisang is at the apartment with my brother. Is that okay?” Wuxian was concerned to say the least. This day could go anywhere with Huaisang added into the mix.

“There should be enough to make more food.”

Wuxian looked down at his phone. “Lan Zhan, Huaisang is very… Loud.”

“You’re loud,” Wangji pointed out.

“A valid point,” Wuxian muttered as he texted Huaisang. 

SHUT IT DOWN. 

Huaisang did not shut it down. In fact he commandeered the speakers. 

Wuxian flung the door open to see Huaisang dancing on the couch, “ _I like the way that sounds. I’m ‘bout to[do it](https://open.spotify.com/track/1cyP2lN6FqZsF8eO1L62Qv?si=bd1dadd6005a4d52) for ya. I like to break it down. This joint has got me open. Ooh that’s my favorite song- _”

“What,” Wuxian pointed to him. 

Jiang Cheng looked over his shoulder from the counter where he sat eating probably his fifth bowl of cereal that day. He shrugged. “He got in a mood.”

“Unmood it,” Wuxian looked at him wide-eyed. 

“You know he doesn’t work like that.” Jiang Cheng turned his focus to Wangji. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Wangji put the bags down. He glanced at Huaisang in amusement and… curiosity. Wangji’s friends could be loud and a bit crazy, vulgar sometimes even. But he sensed that maybe somehow Wuxian’s friends were that tenfold. Even with Song Lan in the equation, he wasn’t sure he could imagine any of his friends being as comfortable and outrageous as he’s seen Wuxian’s friends be. He follows them all (except Wuxian) on Twitter and it’s impossible to miss how they all speak to each other or their incredibly tight but chaotic bond. He was… A bit jealous, which was a complete surprise to him. “Is it okay if we make something to eat?”

“Absolutely,” Jiang Cheng waved his hand. “As long as you don’t mind that one,” he motioned to Huaisang who grabbed Wuxian and forced him to dance with him.

Wuxian eventually managed to get away from Huaisang by the end of the song and made his way to Wangji who was already working on the stove. “Sorry,” Wuxian laughed, ”Okay, okay. Show me what you’re doing?”

“Mn.”

“I think I’m doing this right,” Wuxian muttered to himself. “Is there an order I should be following?”

“You’re doing fine,” Wangji sat down. 

Huaisang whined, “Jiang Cheng, that makes no sense.”

“It… There’s nothing to process here,” he aggressively poked the textbook. “This is it. These are the facts. Don’t question _why_ they did it. They just did!”

“I _hate_ this.”

“What’s he doing,” Wangji asked while Wuxian started plating.

“Jiang Cheng is trying to help Huaisang with his PoliSci work,” Wuxian shrugged. 

“Mingjue doesn’t help him?”

Wuxian shrugged, “Sometimes. But for very brief assignments. He mostly checks over his work. Mingjue gets frustrated with Huaisang otherwise. Then again, I get frustrated with Jiang Cheng when I try to help him with assignments. Not like Mingjue though,” Wuxian placed the dishes in front of Wangji. “Inspect.”

Wangji gave his nod of approval “Jiang Cheng, Huaisang,” he called quietly, just barely audible over the [music](https://open.spotify.com/track/0KFkeq7DYdj5OT8vMML6il?si=414b38d912a34ef3). 

“Just to be clear,” Jiang Cheng neared them, “ _You_ made this, not Wuxian.”

“Yes.”

“Snack break number one is underway,” Huaisang sat down beside Wangji.

LMAOOOOO 

  



	37. Zizhen; A Deer Caught by a Fucking T-Rex

“Huaisang, I can’t stay long,” Zizhen rushed in. “Sizhui is-” he froze, staring at Wangji who was just starting to stand after finishing his food. “Hanguang-Jun,” he paused. Wangji nodded his head and picked up the dishes on the counter with Wuxian. Wuxian eyed him with suspicion. Huaisang smirked but held out his hand. “Paper. Show me.”

“What is he doing here,” Zizhen whispered. He gasped, “Did anything cute happen? What did I miss? Update me.”

“ _Shh_ ,” Jiang Cheng nudged him. 

“Is this why you asked me to come here instead,” Zizhen asked in disbelief. “I love you. I might actually love you.”

“The amount of typos in the first paragraph alone is horrendous,” Huaisang deadpanned. 

Zizhen’s face dropped, “I wrote it half an hour ago. I just need you to tell me if it’s good and then I’ll edit it and hand it in.” Zizhen turned to Jiang Cheng. “Can I stay around for this,” he motioned to Wuxian and Wangji washing dishes together. 

“What about Sizhui,” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“I think he would understand,” Zizhen replied, picking up his phone to take a picture of the two. 

“How do you expect me to tell you if this is good,” Huaisang asked. 

Zizhen looked at him in annoyance. “Just tell me if it makes sense,” he whined loudly. “I need to hand it in tonight!”

“The typos-”

“I was _rushing_ so you could proof it in time,” Zizhen pouted.

Wangji looked over to the couch as he dried his hands, “Do you want me to look it over?”

Zizhen froze and gripped Huaisang’s knee tightly. “He’s looking at me,” he whispered quietly. 

“Just because you aren’t moving doesn’t mean he can’t see you,” Jiang Cheng muttered. “Answer him.”

“No, that’s embarrassing,” Zizhen whispered. He felt like combusting on the spot under Wangji’s gaze. 

“He said that’s embarrassing,” Huaisang said to Wangji. 

“No I didn’t,” Zizhen smacked Huaisang’s shoulder. Huaisang whined and pushed him back. 

“What course,” Wangji asked, leaving Wuxian’s side to walk over. 

“Intro to Classical Lit,” Zizhen replied slowly.

“Ah,” Wangji held out his hand to Huaisang. 

Huaisang handed over the paper, and Zizhen panicked, “Oh my god ignore the typos. I really wrote it in a rush-”

“Pen.”

Huaisang handed it over without hesitation. Wangji went back to the kitchen and sat on a stool.

“Why,” Zizhen leaned into Huaisang and whispered, “Why was that hot? How was that hot? He’s really intimidating. Wait. Isn’t he in the Lit Department? _Oh no_. This is so embarrassing. He is, right?”

“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng replied. “He was in Huaisang’s Intro to Classical Lit course when they were freshmen.”

“He ended up correcting the professor a couple times,” Huaisang added. “I would be mortified if I were you. The argument is good but. I can’t say what he’ll think of your paper. He didn’t get anything less than a perfect score on any assignment in that class.”

“Ha ha I’m going to cry,” Zizhen rolled onto the floor. “This is scarier than Sizhui looking at anything I write. And Jin Ling, because he’s _mean_.”

“I wouldn’t say Jin Ling is mean,” Jiang Cheng said.

Wuxian sat down beside his brother, “You literally _called_ Jin Ling yesterday morning to call him a mean little bitch.”

“Waking up to that text was _hurtful_ ,” Jiang Cheng defended himself. 

Everyone turned when they heard Wangji hum in thought.

“Oh my god,” Zizhen whispered urgently. “He thinks I’m stupid.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not what that sound was,” Wuxian replied. 

“Does he not intimidate you,” Zizhen asked quietly. 

“I’m not answering that,” Wuxian answered. The truth was, he wasn’t sure. There were so many moments that he was horrified about what Wangji thought about him, but then he thinks about all the times that Wangji let his guard down, and he just knows that Wangji must be such a ridiculously soft dork on the inside. 

“Okay,” Wangji walked over and sat on the floor beside Zizhen. He slid the marked up paper over. “It’s a short response paper?” Zizhen nodded. “The length is fine then. I fixed all your typos. I think that you have an interesting take on-”

No. Wuxian wasn’t intimidated by Wangji. He admired him. He was intimidated by the Lan Clan rules and how Wangji was viewed by his family and the clan. And how that could possibly be the reason their friendship would inevitably come crashing down around him permanently. That was what intimidated him. Not Wangji himself. 

Wangji was kind, caring, knowledgeable, focused, driven, passionate, and just _so_ incredibly genuine. 

Wuxian admired him. 

drool 

surprising indeed. 

jin ling hears bits and pieces and runs with it 

sizhui hasn’t been having the best day and now hes taking what jin ling said and is running with it 

jin ling in danger 

  


“Sizhui?” Wuxian answered his phone, pausing Netflix. Wangji looked at him in confusion. “I’m sorry, what?” He looked at Wangji. “Yes? Also yes. Did you… want to talk to him?” Wangji’s posture instinctively straightened. “Oh,” Wuxian hummed. “ _Oh_. Oh Sizhui, no.”

“Is he okay?”

Wuxian nodded while he listened to Sizhui as he rambled nervously on the other end. “I don’t think you need to overthink this… You know that Jin Ling doesn’t listen. He hears what he wants… I know it hurt your feelings.” Wangji poked Wuxian’s shoulder to get his attention. 

“Is he okay? Who hurt his feelings?” Wangji asked. 

Wuxian put his hand on Wangji’s knee momentarily. “I think you’re allowed to be uncomfortable with it. Yes you can send me screenshots… Sizhui, I don’t know where my headphones are… Okay,” Wuxian said unsurely before putting Sizhui on speaker. “Okay, you’re on speaker,” he opened his messages. Sizhui sent screenshots of everything after the mention of Wangji’s brother.

“Hi, Hanguang-Jun,” Sizhui sounded upset. 

Wangji’s protective instincts over the younger kicked in, “Hello Sizhui. Are you okay? Can I help with anything?”

“I’m fine. It’s okay. Just being dumb.”

“You are not dumb,” Wangji replied.

Wuxian read the messages. “What was before the ‘don’t tell Sizhui that’ text?”

Sizhui paused, knowing Wangji was sitting there. “Essentially the same thing as what’s below it.”

Wuxian hummed, “The big tiddied bitch. I see.” Sizhui sighed. “I mean, Sizhui. I don’t know what he said to Jin Ling, but everything else he texted was true. I think it’s just completely out of context y’know? You know Zizhen doesn’t lie to you.”

“I know he doesn’t.”

“So what’s wrong, baby boy?”

Sizhui groaned; on the other end of the line he slouched in his seat. “I don’t know. I am just unfairly insecure and I don’t know why. I don’t like that I am. And I don’t know what to do with it.” He paused. “ _I_ want the attention. And I shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be upset that someone else is getting attention when it wasn’t mine to begin with.”

“Okay, well, Sizhui,” Wuxian sighed, rereading the texts again. “I really don’t think it’s the kind of attention you’re thinking of. Again, Jin Ling is not the most reliable when it comes to spreading information… He hears bits and pieces and runs with it… Zixuan and Huaisang do the same sometimes. They’re all very. Excitable... When they hear certain phrases.”

“For the record,” Sizhui started, “It’s not because it’s…” Wuxian took Sizhui off speaker. “ _Him…_ It’s just. Zizhen flirting with other people… Especially a Lan, that bothers me. You know? Although, I suppose Wangji doesn’t flirt with people though, does he?”

“I’m going to need you to not be that forward about that again,” Wuxian replied. “But he wasn’t doing that, so you know.”

Sizhui laughed lightly. “I should talk to Zizhen. I’m just overreacting. I don’t even know why I’m so...”

“You’re not,” Wuxian replied. “Just overthinking. It happens. Probably because you’ve never actually discussed boundaries? That’s an assumption though.”

“I’m not supposed to be paranoid anymore though. Jingyi always talks sense into me before I start spinning. I miss Jingyi,” Sizhui sighed. 

“I know you miss Jingyi,” he nodded. “You Lan boys overthink yourselves into a hole. But you should talk to Zizhen about this.”

“He’s calling me. Again. I’ll text you.”

“Call me anytime,” Wuxian said before Sizhui hung up.

Sizhui sighed. “Hi…”

“ _Sizhui_ ,” Zizhen nearly yelled into the phone. “Okay, let me explain. Jin Ling _never_ listens to me, please. I was just rambling when I got home and he was just looking at his laptop working on a paper, and I swear to _god_ he picked up the worst parts of what I said. Okay? Hanguang-Jun _who_ ? I have _no_ idea who Lan Wangji is.”

“Zizhen-”

“ _Okay, okay_ , the phrase ‘booty call’ _was_ used. But, _but_ , not like that. I said I scored his number ‘not for booty calls but for academic advancement; I am truly on the top of my game.’ Okay, _and_ , I said his _brain_ had big dick energy, and that I wanted that. Big brain. Galaxy brain. He _scares_ me, Sizhui. _Scares me_ , god he’s scarier than Professor Xichen; help. I just want to be in a good academic standing like him. I stared at him yes, okay, that’s also true, but it was like… A deer caught by a fucking T-Rex, okay, like I didn’t know what to do with him: one, acknowledging me, and two, offering to read my shitty response.”

“Zizhen-”

“ _I swear_ , Sizhui, I swear, I was not thirsting over him. Nice tiddies, yes. Pretty face, yes. Hot brain, yes. But Sizhui, dude is a rock. I don’t like rocks. I like pretty, pretty, soft, cute, dance-in-the-wind, flourish-under-the-sun, flowers. That’s _you,_ Sizhui. I am begging you to not process _anything_ Jin Ling said,” Zizhen finally let out a breath. 

“I already processed it.”

“ _Sizhui, please_ -”

“Zizhen,” Sizhui sighed. “You don’t need to do this.”

“... I don’t?” Zizhen paused from pacing around his room. “I think I do.”

“You don’t,” Sizhui confirmed. “I know Jin Ling does that. I was just… Overthinking things.”

“I am sorry-”

“Don’t do that either,” Sizhui shook his head. “There was no reason to be accusatory about where you were. It’s literally none of my business. I just wanted to see you today, so I was sad when you cancelled on me again, and then the way Jin Ling made it sound like you were hanging out with Wangji instead of me-”

“ _Why_ would I ‘hang out’ with him, I don’t even know him,” Zizhen asked. 

“I know, I know,” Sizhui sighed.

“You weren’t accusatory, Sizhui. And I’m sorry that my cancelling today… and yesterday... made you feel bad. That was _not_ my intention, and I wouldn’t have if I knew you were actually looking forward to it,” Zizhen replied. “I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry for letting Jin Ling’s words get to me.”

“It’s not too late,” Zizhen announced. “You can still come by and we can still study a bit? I have some snacks. I just need to turn in my Lit response first.”

“Okay,” Sizhui hesitated. “I think we also need to talk about something else,” Sizhui announced. 

Zizhen started picking up around his room hesitantly. The tone in Sizhui’s voice indicated that he didn’t want to have the conversation, whatever it was. Zizhen did not like where this might go. “Sure, Sizhui. Whatever you need.”

zizhen 100% put a desk in front of the door 

raising the baby bird 


	38. Voldemort Has A Curfew

“Sorry,” Wuxian put his phone down. “What did I miss?”

Wangji lowered his hand with the half eaten twizzler. “They think they captured an orb on camera.”  
  


“What do we think,” Wuxian grabbed the bag of M&Ms from the other side of Wangji.

“Bug.”

Wuxian hummed as he watched the screen, folding his legs under himself. “I’ll be honest, Lan Zhan. I don’t think this place is haunted.”  
  


“Mn,” Wangji nodded. “Marketing material for the business.”

“I hope they debunk something that was obviously faked then,” Wuxian replied. He paused. “Would you stay in a haunted hotel?”  
  


“Yes.”

“ _Really?_ ”

“Mn.” Wangji glanced at Wuxian. “You?”

“Oh _definitely_ , are you kidding.” Wuxian gasped. “Lan Zhan! We should go on a ghost road trip. What do you say?”

A road trip? With just the two of them? Wangji felt sick with the thought. It was an exhilarating thought. But how could he get away with that? And if they did, how could he ever find a moment to process his thoughts and maintain a certain level of composure. Absolutely, he could _not_ do it. He definitely had to end this possibility before it even took off. Stop the thought in its tracks. No. 

“We should.”

Nice job, Wangji. You really showed him.

“ _Wait_ , okay,” Wuxian turned to face him. “We should start in Yiling, okay, hear me out. This summer-”

voldemort has a curfew 

  


running late 

“Ah, sorry,” Wuxian closed his laptop when the episode ended. “I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“I did,” Wangji replied. “But it’s okay. I’m trying to… Not care.”

“Not care?” Wuxian raised his eyebrows. 

“Mn.”

“How’s that going?”

“I’m trying to not rush out,” Wangji said honestly. “There are more disappointing things than running late.” 

Wuxian hummed. “If you need to rush out, you can. Trying to not care about running late, and _being_ late are two different things. One step at a time right?”

Wangji hesitated before he started moving at the speed of light. “Thank you, sorry,” he compiled his things. Wuxian watched in amusement as Wangji quickly pulled his shoes on and looked around for his car keys. Wangji came back to the bed and leaned down slightly before freezing and straightening. “Okay, bye,” he turned and ran out. 

Wait.

Not A Straight 

  


don’t worry 

why yes. 

what zizhen learned today 

  
  
  


they’ve been texting jingyi this whole time 

  



	39. #jingYEETcomeback

i’m zixuan subtweeting his cousin 

NOW TRENDING:  [#imissjingYEET](https://twitter.com/hashtag/imissjingYEET?src=hashtag_click)

  
  
  


question

Sizhui didn’t think too much about Jingyi _not_ waking up at 5am. He himself woke up around 5:30am and found that Jingyi was still sleeping peacefully. He had done so the past two days but had gotten up around 6am. It didn’t really indicate anything to Sizhui. He decided to go out for some breakfast and meet up with one of his classmates about their upcoming test.

What he missed was by 7am on the dot, Jingyi rolled over onto his stomach for the first time in over a week. He practically kicked half his blankets off the bed, one of many pillows rolling right onto the floor. 

What he missed was by 9am, after a luxurious 12 hour sleep, Jingyi stretched and groaned loudly at his stiff muscles. 

What he missed was Jingyi starting his morning with some yoga and a scalding hot shower. 

What he missed was Jingyi cleaning every surface of their room, stripping both of their beds and replacing the sheets with fresh ones while he did the laundry. 

What he missed was the first tweet that quickly started trending on campus again. 

What he missed was Jingyi turning on his speakers full volume by 11am, dancing dramatically and singing loudly as he cleaned.

_Mama said we in the[church](https://open.spotify.com/track/6SzbbQUOx85hxpqsesoMfx?si=b240553d9c344f31) _

_You best believe this ain’t no hotel_

But Sizhui heard the music before the elevator door even opened to their floor. Sizhui was surprised; usually the floor was fairly quiet until about noon on a Sunday, otherwise there were some regular complaints to be made. 

_Good morning, wake up, wake_

_Good morning, wake up, wake_

Sizhui was even more confused to see half of his floor had their doors open, some shuffling around in their pajamas, looking quite lively. One of the rooms closer to his at the end of the hall had their door opened, the girls inside clapping along with the song. 

_Wake up and get yourself to church_

_Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah_

Sizhui beamed as he slowed his pace. The door to _his_ room was wide open, the music blaring through the floor was coming from inside. 

_I don’t care who you praying to_

_I just pray you believe in you_

Jingyi was inside dancing and clapping around their room while simultaneously trying to reorganize his desk. One of the windows opened a crack to let some fresh air in. Sizhui laughed, unnoticed, as he watched Jingyi move around the room. 

_Wake up, wake up, wish I could hear you right now_

_Somebody come and tell this lady cool down_

_Wake up and get yourself to church_

Jingyi spun around, clapping. He broke out into a bright smile when he saw Sizhui. “Fucking _kiss me_ ,” he neared begged. 

Jingyi and Sizhui were always very careful around each other, especially around others. But that didn’t stop them from a few smooches here and there. 

Everyone, absolutely _everyone,_ knew that Sizhui and Jingyi were best friends. Everyone knew how close they were. They had been nearly inseparable since they met when they were little. They complement one another incredibly well. 

Everyone saw Sizhui as soft spoken and put together; reasonable and balanced. But the only reason he came across as rational and patient was because Jingyi was always in his ear setting any insecurities or doubts straight. 

To contrast, everyone saw Jingyi as wild and off the walls, ready for anything that life throws at him; chasing opportunities and building his dreams. But he’s like that because Sizhui is always beside him encouraging him to do just that. Encouraging him to get what he wants, and not let people stop him. 

They were each other’s driving force, and had been for years. No one understood them better than themselves. They could read each other. They could be open with each other. They knew when to cross lines, and when not to.

They were very honest about what they wanted from each other. Especially after Sizhui kissed Jingyi for the first time. After they had gotten in trouble and some unwanted attention was turning towards them with speculations as to why Lan Qiren came so harshly at them, they were _very_ honest with each other. There was no more beating around the bush. Crush or not, they couldn’t afford that. 

If there were open doors, they were careful to not cross lines that could be deemed unacceptable by certain members of their clan. Nothing that couldn’t be excused as very close best friends anyways. They had tested the waters to see what exactly those lines were, some getting them in a bit of trouble, others… completely and unexpectedly overlooked.

If there were closed doors...

Sizhui kicked the door shut behind him, pulling Jingyi in. Sizhui held onto Jingyi tightly. A kiss that was very different from the one they shared after being forced to stay away from each other for two months when Lan Qiren saw them outside the coffee shop. That one had been soft, gentle, cautious, and a bit curious. 

This one was much more sure, familiar, and desperate. 

It wasn’t often that this happened. A few kisses while they were cuddling was usually how their days went. Jingyi backing Sizhui up against their door was not it. 

He clicked the lock into place and they both laughed. “I missed you,” Sizhui pouted before smiling again, “How do you feel?”

Jingyi cupped Sizhui’s face and pecked his lips, “I feel fucking _amazing_ ,” he kissed Sizhui’s cheek. “Please remind me to do that more,” he kissed Sizhui’s nose. “And this,” he brushed Sizhui’s hair back and kissed his neck. 

“That’s very bold of you,” Sizhui laughed. He let Jingyi do what he wanted. He had no desire to stop him from slowly untying his belt. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll panic in about three and a half minutes,” Jingyi laughed.

“I like consistency,” Sizhui accepted another kiss while Jingyi loosened his robes.

Jingyi made his way to Sizhui’s collarbone mumbling, “Well I hate it,” between each kiss, before he hesitated. Here it was. He pulled away a bit. Sizhui hummed in amusement watching the gears turn in Jingyi’s head. “Do you think it’s because I talk too much?”

“I like hearing you talk,” Sizhui assured him.

“Yes but,” Jingyi’s brow furrowed in thought, his fingers mindlessly playing with the fabric at Sizhui’s waist. “I talk _too_ much, I think?” He gasped. “Sizhui, I’m doing it right now! Oh. Oh I’m still doing it. Sizhui! Do something! Preoccupy my face or something.”

Sizhui laughed and wrapped his arms around Jingyi’s neck and hugged him tightly. 

“Why are you _laughing_?” Jingyi groaned. “Don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not, I’m not,” Sizhui laughed as he pulled back to hold Jingyi’s face.

“I’m trying to be bold, Sizhui!”

Sizhui held back a laugh but his eyes started watering. “Go ahead then,” he bit his lip to suppress his smile.

“I can’t! I’m nervous now,” he whined.

Sizhui pulled him forward and pecked his lips twice. “You always talk yourself out of it.”

“I’m _nervous_ ,” he reiterated. “Why don’t you get nervous?”

“Because it’s you,” Sizhui smiled. 

Jingyi froze. “Okay. Kiss me again.”

when jingyi tweeted 

cue chaos 

NOW TRENDING: 

jingYEET 

[#itsjingYEETbitch](https://twitter.com/hashtag/itsjingYEETbitch?src=hashtag_click) [#jingYEETcomeback](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETcomeback?src=hashtag_click)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  


Jingyi had been in the process of pulling off Sizhui’s robes one by one as the two of them grew familiar with each other again but Jingyi’s thoughts were pulled away and towards Sizhui’s phone which was going off nearly as much as his own before it died. Sizhui gently sat Jingyi on the bed so he could go silence his phone. 

“Okay,” Sizhui tossed his phone back onto his bed after glancing through all the messages from everyone wondering where Jingyi was. 

Jingyi reached for Sizhui’s hands and pulled him back onto the bed, making him sit in front of him. He smoothed out Sizhui’s disheveled hair, parting it carefully. Sizhui bit the inside of his cheek as Jingyi gently braided his hair. “I read all the Cuddle Puddle texts,” he said quietly.

“Mn?” Sizhui was overly aware of Jingyi’s fingertips working their way down his back. He kept still even though his mind was thinking about Jingyi touching him. Really touching him. 

“Do you want to talk about anything from them?”

He let out a sigh, feeling Jingyi brush the braid to the side to expose Sizhui’s neck. “Not right now.”

Jingyi lips just barely brushed against Sizhui’s skin, “Okay.” Sizhui closed his eyes and willed himself to keep his breathing level. But he didn’t, and Jingyi picked up on it immediately. 

Jingyi, still trying to be bold, ended up straddling Sizhui and cupped his face. Sizhui was used to telling Jingyi what to do next; he didn’t mind in the slightest. But this took him by surprise. He looked up in shock and amazement.


	40. Huaisang's Password

his password is probably OAISJDAOISjd9i9aisodajsdo1903. 

  
  


he will never guess my password 

  


[ireallylikeyou](https://open.spotify.com/track/0PGLRTN0X6DrXh645WJCIY?si=d7059c1e34cf46b7)

  
  
  
  
  


zixuandaddy! 

  
  


jiangchenglordandsavior vs wenningbestboy vs wenningbestboi vs jiangchengjiangyanliweiwuxianwenqingwenningniehuaisangjinzixuan

  
  


or jcjylwwxwqwnnhs 

  


i hate it here 

  
  


jin!zixuan! 

WeiWuxianSucks! 

  



	41. Lan Britney

Zizhen walked up to Jingyi and Sizhui’s door in excitement. He was practically bouncing with every step he took. But the door was locked. He looked at the handle in confusion when it didn’t budge. They usually had their door unlocked if it wasn’t open. He put his ear against the door to see if he could detect any life inside.

Zizhen’s eyes widened from what he thought he briefly heard, muffled by the door. He gasped and shook the door handle. “ _Guys_ -” he sang out loudly, knocking on the door. “ _Unlock this thing-_ ”

Zizhen glanced down the hall and made eye contact with someone. He gave them an awkward wave and jiggled the handle more. 

Jingyi pulled the door open for Zizhen to rush in. “ _Who was it_?”

“Hi Jingyi, I missed you Jingyi,” Jingyi replied.

“I’ll do that in a minute, _who moaned_ ,” he whispered. “I heard that shit out in the hall. _Turn your music on_ ,” he gasped and pointed at Sizhui who was just straightening out his outer robes. “It was you!”

Sizhui looked down as he did his belt. His braid was just a tad messy and his cheeks were flushed. “It really depends on when.”

“ _Sizhui-_ ” they both stressed. 

“- don’t say those things,” Jingyi looked horrified.

  
“Oh, no,” Zizhen stopped him, “ _Please_ say more.”

Sizhui laughed. “The look on Jingyi’s face says no.”

Zizhen looked at Jingyi, “Why do you insist on embarrassing me like this, Zizhen,” he whined as Zizhen squished his cheeks. 

“Sizhui! It’s a babie! Look at him! Look at this pout,” he poked Jingyi’s bottom lip.

“I _will_ bite you,” Jingyi replied. 

“Love that for me,” Zizhen replied brightly. Jingyi chomped down on the air. “Don’t tease me. _Wait_ -” he rushed back out the door, unlocking it on his way out. 

“Is he really-” Jingyi watched him go. 

“He is,” Sizhui confirmed.

Zizhen swung the door open with excitement, “ _JingYEET_ ,” he yelled and launched himself into Jingyi’s arms. Sizhui watched Jingyi spin Zizhen around with an amused smile. “Oh my god _I missed you_!” 

Jingyi laughed, “I missed your annoying ass,” he hugged Zizhen tightly.

“ _Did you know_ that Sizhui nearly tackled me when I tried to get you to crack while you were meditating,” Zizhen pulled away incredulously. 

“I do know,” Jingyi smirked, “I could still hear you know. You are very loud.”

“Okay, but are you proud of me for leaving you alone after, because that was hard,” Zizhen pointed out with a frown.

“I am,” Jingyi replied.

“God you’re _so_ cute, what the _fuck_ ,” Zizhen squished Jingyi’s cheeks again. 

_“Zizhen_ -”

“This isn’t fair-”

Sizhui grinned, watching the two of them laugh and whine over each other. 

(if ur going to look at my tweets u might as well complete the mutual) 

  


Xichen has been feeling sad. 

  


“I know it’s been awhile,” Jingyi said silently after everyone practically jumped him at the restaurant, nearly knocking him to the ground, talking over one another. “I shouldn’t have kept you waiting,” he added dramatically, turning his back to the group as they settled in their seats.

“Oh my god,” Zixuan laughed. 

“What’s happening,” Wen Qing asked. 

“But I’m here now,” Jingyi looked over his shoulder and smirked. “I know it’s been awhile, but I’m glad you came.”

“Okay, Lan Britney,” Zixuan snorted. 

Wuxian laughed, “Did he just quote Britney Spears-”

“Zixuan,” Wen Ning leaned across the table, “Would it be Lan Britney or Spears Jingyi?”

Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing gave each other a look.

Jingyi shrugged and sat down, “Just trying to… [ _break the ice_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/52K4Nl7eVNqUpUeJeWJlwT?si=ebff0e777b38412e).”

“I love you, Spears Jingyi,” Huaisang announced.

“You should change your password to that,” Yanli said nonchalantly. 

The juniors all laughed at Huaisang’s face while the freshmen looked at each other in confusion.

“Zixuan,” Jin Ling spoke up, “Explain, please-” Wuxian interrupted and went into detail about how he had a galaxy brain and hacked Huaisang (sparing the details of the password actually being Zixuan’s name).

“Are we going to get kicked out,” Zizhen asked Sizhui. “We might get too loud.”

“We’re not _that_ loud yet-” Jiang Cheng started.

“ _Hey shut up_!”

Maybe they were.

Everyone turned around to see two men watching them from a booth in the corner. Xichen smiled fondly at the group, Mingjue’s face unreadable. 

“Oh my god,” Jingyi hid behind his hand. “Tell me when he looks away,” Jingyi whispered to Jin Ling. 

“You shut up,” Huaisang replied back, though it came out as a question. 

Mingjue laughed in response. “That kid is a pain in the ass,” he turned back to Xichen who gave Jingyi a brief nod which he nervously returned. “He nearly set the kitchen on fire last night.”

“Did he?”

“He got too caught up singing Lie Bing in his room and forgot he left the stove on. Really I think you should apologize to me for that one,” Mingjue took a sip of his water. 

“Mn, it depends on which album it was,” Xichen replied. 

“I really have no idea but you started Lie Bing, it’s your fault regardless,” Mingjue took a bite of the food before him. “The straight up bops started with you.”

Xichen laughed, “Okay. I’m sorry for the straight up bops.” He glanced back over at the table as everyone roared to life, Zixuan and Jiang Cheng standing simultaneously and raising their voices at each other. “I’m surprised Wangji isn’t over there.”

“Heh,” Mingjue started, mouth full of food. “Why? Is he friends with them? They’re all a wreck. Quite possibly the loudest group of people I have ever seen in my life. Ever since they were younger.”

“Wangji isn’t the loud type, no,” Xichen picked at his food, not having started yet. “But he’s good friends with Wuxian now. And Sizhui too.”

“Mn,” Mingjue nodded. “I don’t know Sizhui but Wuxian definitely… persuasive when it comes to getting people to do what he wants.”

“There’s a story there,” Xichen laughed. 

“There’s lots of stories there,” Mingjue grimaced. “If you don’t have any yet, it’s only a matter of time,” he glanced over Xichen’s shoulder and hummed in amusement. 

“Hi Xichen,” Wuxian pulled a chair over and sat down excitedly. 

“ _Wuxian,_ ” Jingyi yelled from their table. 

“Hello Wuxian,” Xichen folded his hands in his lap. 

“Nie Mingjue,” Wuxian looked at the other man, a smile playing on his lips. 

Mingjue smirked back, “Wei Wuxian.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you both, and since I have you both here,” he dropped a hand on each of their shoulders. “I think now is the best time for me to appeal to your better nature.”

“I don’t have a better nature,” Mingjue deadpanned.

Wuxian dropped the hand on Xichen’s shoulder and turned to focus on Mingjue. “Nie Mingjue! You and I both know that’s just not true,” his hand slid down Mingjue’s arm. “Are you still working out,” he mused out loud. 

“ _Oh my god_ ,” Huaisang groaned loudly from the other table. 

“Is he always like this,” Jin Ling asked. 

“Yep,” Zixuan and Jiang Cheng replied. Xichen smirked. 

“Just ask what you want. You don’t need to butter me up-”

“I know I don’t,” Wuxian rested his cheek in his hand. “But if I have to soften either of you, it’s going to have to be you,” Wuxian idly brushed a piece of Mingjue’s hair over his shoulder. 

“Please kill me,” Huaisang loudly asked Zixuan. The group started laughing and continued their loud conversations with one another. 

“Wei Wuxian.” Mingjue warned. 

“Are you really offering your Philosophy, Politics & Economics course in the fall instead of the spring next year,” Wuxian asked with a pout. 

“Ah,” Xichen spoke up. “We are.”

Wuxian smiled at Xichen, his favorite big tiddied bitch. “Is there any hope of getting signed in?”

“You don’t meet the prerequisites,” Mingjue responded. 

“That’s why he’s asking to get signed in,” Xichen replied. “But it’s not that easy Wuxian.”

“You don’t even know anything about politics,” Mingjue replied. 

“I resent that assumption,” Wuxian straightened up. “Don’t pretend we never had any sort of politically charged discussion before. May I offer the time-”

“Okay, okay,” Mingjue stopped him. 

“Wuxian,” Xichen started, “You would need to test out of three different courses before you could even take the course.”

“Okay.”

“I,” he paused. “I’m not sure it’ll be so easy. I would rather not set you up to fail the course.”

“I don’t think I even want you in my course,” Mingjue scoffed.

Wuxian looked at him, feigning shock. “I’ll let you know I am a superstar of a student. Aren’t I, Xichen?”

“He is.”

Wuxian beamed. 

“Yeah, with _you_ ,” Mingjue scoffed. “This one’s sole purpose is to make mine and his own brother’s life hell.”

“I also resent that,” Wuxian pouted, “It’s been _years_ , Mingjue.”

Wuxian looked at Xichen and pouted. “We’ll discuss it further,” he assured Wuxian with a gentle squeeze of his shoulder. “I’ll let you know.”

“Ugh, _thank you_ ,” Wuxian said. “I appreciate that. A lot.”

“That’s not a yes,” Mingjue clarified. 

“It will be,” Wuxian smiled in response. “All you have to do is just admit that having me in class would make your days more interesting.”

“Are you done? I’m trying to eat.”

“You eat,” Wuxian motioned to the table. “Eat. Grow strong. Be manly. But I’m actually here to ask you something,” he looked at Xichen.

“Just me?”

“Yes,” Wuxian folded his hands. “About Jingyi.”

“Okay.”

“What are your thoughts on one Lan Jingyi?”

“My thoughts? I guess that he is much smarter than people give him credit for.”

“He was nervous that you thought badly about him but I told him that was _impossible_ ,” Wuxian added. “I know you Lans don’t like to talk about people behind their back but he’s sitting over there quietly instead of being himself because he’s worried about what you’d think of him doing his Jingyi-thing.”

Xichen smiled softly, “He’s loud, yes. And opinionated. But I think those are some of his best qualities. He’s still… A Lan. Even if he didn’t know all the rules by heart,” he laughed, “Tell him to continue doing his ‘Jingyi-thing’. I don’t care. He shouldn’t care what I think either.”

“And _this_ is why I like you,” Wuxian smiled brightly. “Okay, please eat, sorry for taking your time. Bye Mingjue,” he winked before skipping back to his friends. 

“You, sir,” Jingyi leaned forward, “Are embarrassing. I would like to uninvite you to this dinner.”

“Ha ha,” Wuxian sat down. “Now let me tell you what Xichen said.”

“We’re not letting him take the course,” Mingjue said. “And that’s that on that.”

“We should talk about it another time,” Xichen finally made a move to eat. “And if we decide to even let him take the tests, it’s not guaranteed that he will pass.”

jingyi babie confirmed 

i’m zizhen. 

  
  



	42. Avoiding Xichen

“Guangyao,” Mingjue called from the table he and Xichen sat at; they had walked a few streets over to get milkshakes after they ate dinner.

Guangyao turned in shock. Neither party had seen each other when Guangyao had walked in to pick up milkshakes and some sweets. “Oh. Hi.” He was clearly uncomfortable as he glanced between the two. “How was your dinner?”

“Good,” Mingjue replied. “Let us know when you want to go next time.”

“I will,” he nodded. 

“Are you off somewhere? We’ll probably be here a bit longer,” Xichen asked, eyeing the two milkshakes in the holder. 

“I’m just… Going back to my dorm,” Guangyao replied. “I need to study. But thank you. Have a good night guys.”

“You too,” they both replied, watching him walk away.

“Hmm,” Xichen hummed. 

“I’d go talk to him,” Mingjue replied, sipping his milkshake. 

Xichen didn’t need to hear much more before he was already jogging up behind the smaller man. “Guangyao-” he called, slowing down. 

Guangyao turned around and barely had time to react to Xichen taking the bag from his hand so he could balance the milkshakes with greater ease. “... Thank you.” He knew Xichen was likely to follow him. They hadn’t really spoken lately. Guangyao was purposely avoiding him at all costs. “I’m okay, by the way.”

Xichen frowned. “Are you? You’re very distant. Again.”

“It’s not that,” Guangyao sighed. “Things are just… Very hectic.”

“Is there anything I can help with,” Xichen asked quietly. “Whatever you need me to do. Or from me.”

That was such a loaded offer. What was Guangyao supposed to say to that? Absolutely nothing, truthfully. He continued walking in silence. He knew Xichen didn’t deserve that. But he really had nothing to say at that moment. 

“A-Yao,” Xichen stopped them from walking after some time. He had waited until they were halfway between the downtown area and campus, where it was a little too dark if you weren’t standing under the street lights, and a little too quiet between the two bustling locations. “Please talk to me? What happened?”

Guangyao looked up at Xichen, frustrated. “Nothing happened. I just want to be left alone right now.”

Xichen looked down at the two milkshakes. “I don’t really think that is true.” 

“That’s not-” Guangyao closed his eyes and shook his head. “That’s not it. That’s…. It’s not…” He sighed. “Xichen it’s just hectic right now”

“I can’t read your mind, A-Yao,” Xichen said quietly.

“I’m not asking you to.”

“It feels like you are. You’re upset I’m talking to you right now, I can see that. But you seem upset when I try to give you your space. I just… Don’t know what you need from me right now. I don’t know how to help,” Xichen replied. 

“I need you to leave me alone,” Guangyao said before he could process. 

Xichen nodded, “Okay. I can do that.” He had the feeling, but he needed Guangyao to be clear. And… Well now he was. 

“No, I-”

Xichen handed the bag back to Guangyao. “Have a good night, Guangyao. Please get some rest.”

“Wait, Xichen, Wait,” Guangyao called. “I just-”

Xichen paused and looked back at Guangyao. He knew  _ something _ happened the last time he went to Carp Tower. Guangyao didn’t need to tell him that much. “You just need some time alone.”

“...Yeah. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Xichen responded, giving him a reassuring smile, even though it killed him on the inside. He just wanted to be the person that Guangyao could confide in. And… Well he usually was. But this was new. He wasn’t too fond of the feeling. But, if it’s what Guangyao needed… “Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.”

“...I’ll text you,” Guangyao said quietly. 

“Don’t rush to. Message me if you need anything. Okay?”

“Okay,” Guangyao bit the inside of his cheek. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

[ accidents happen in the dark ](https://open.spotify.com/track/28TReO2Mxk9Q3GA4K98YSz?si=a13bab76c4864861)

“Xichen,” Wangji poked his head into his brother’s room.

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“Hm? Why?”

“You don’t usually listen to… [This](https://open.spotify.com/track/6PFzKMds2hSoBiD93ZYtNs?si=d4c91be2ae86428f),” he motioned to the speaker. It wasn’t loud enough to really be heard outside the room but Wangji was quick to hear it when he was walking by. “You don’t usually listen to him unless something is on your mind.”

“Oh… Mn,” he shrugged. Wangji closed the door behind him. Xichen smiled softly. It was just like his little brother to be attentive and concerned like this. “I’m just a bit confused.”

“About?” Wangji sat on his bed with him. Xichen sighed and looked like he was thinking. “Guangyao?”

“Yes.”

“Is he still ignoring you?”

Xichen tried to figure out how to word it. “I tried to talk to him today. But he’d rather be left alone. He’s not really ignoring Mingjue though.”

“He’s closer friends with you than he is with Mingjue,” Wangji pointed out. 

“Right.”

“Have you talked to Mingjue?”

“He doesn’t know what happened either,” Xichen explained. “Just that something happened at Carp Tower and stopped replying to us. Mostly me.”

“Hm,” Wangji thought. “I could… Ask Wuxian to ask Zixuan?”

“Oh, no no,” Xichen shook his head. “No, don't do that.” Xichen sighed. “Besides, Guangyao doesn’t like speaking to Zixuan too often. He might text him.”

The [song changed](https://open.spotify.com/track/03qDVofuUUQSsSQCLWX0eF?si=738e5272fc0c4ecc). Xichen closed his eyes. “I’m sure Guangshan said something that put him on edge, is all. I just wish I could help somehow.”

“Sometimes you can’t do anything more than make yourself available,” Wangji replied. “I am sure he will talk to you about it. You’re his best friend.”

Xichen smiled. “Why are you so smart sometimes?”

“Because you aren’t,” Wangji deadpanned. The two brothers looked at each other and cracked up. “Go to sleep,” Wangji pushed himself off the bed with a small smile. 

“I’m the older brother, I’m supposed to tell you to go to sleep,” Xichen pointed out.

“If you say so.”

“I do. Go to sleep.”

“Goodnight, Xichen.”

“Goodnight, Wangji.”


	43. Voldemort Eats Brekkie

Wuxian woke with a start before his alarm even went off. 

It was Madam Yu. Calling him. Again. He knew from the sound of Cruella de Vil laughing on loop. He let it go to voicemail and settled back into his pillows, clutching his chest. It was still pretty early; he didn’t need to get up for another hour. He was grateful for that fact because he always felt a bit like shit whenever she called. 

Well, frankly, he felt like that anytime she spoke to him. He managed to not talk to her on the phone _once_ since he moved here and out of their house. She made him feel so much worse than he already did in the last year _alone_.

“You need to get out,” Wen Qing had told him over the phone one day. He was nearly done with the wine bottle before him. “Being there is making you feel worse, bub. You just said it yourself.”

“It’s fine,” he had leaned back in his chair. “It’s just how it is.”

“It doesn’t need to be like that though.”

“I’m used to it.”

“Wei Wuxian.”

“Wen Qing.”

“ _Wei Wuxian_ ,” Madam Yu had yelled from somewhere in the house.

He remembers sighing heavily, “Have to go,” and finishing off the bottle. 

That wasn’t too long after he officially withdrew from Yunping Community. She had become remarkably worse after…

Wuxian heard Jiang Cheng’s ringing loudly through the wall. She was making her rounds to try and get to Wuxian. Naturally. 

Wuxian was quick to shuffle into his slippers, grab his blanket and run out the front door of the apartment. He was _not_ going to talk to her today. He absolutely refused. He was already starting to feel like shit, he didn’t need her thrown into the mix. 

The text from Wangji when he got outside was like a straight shot of serotonin. 

WORM. 

Wuxian had run in right after Jiang Cheng hung up on his mother. “You just missed mom-”

“That’s fine,” Wuxian kicked off his slippers and ran to the bathroom to take a quick shower. “I’m going to breakfast with Lan Zhan!” He slammed the door shut. “Do you want anything,” he yelled through the door.

“No! I have cereal!” JC hummed in amusement. 

voldemort eats breakfast according to the tl 

  
  


“You didn’t eat much, are you sure you don’t want this,” Wuxian held out his chocolate chip muffin again. “I’ll get something else for lunch.”

“I’m okay,” Wangji replied. He never bothered to tell Wuxian he had already eaten before he picked him up. “Thank you though.” He paused just outside the Ethics suite. “Are you sure you want to come in? I know that Uncle has not been… That’s he’s been increasingly unfair towards you.”

“Of course I do,” Wuxian grinned. “Let’s go, let’s go,” he opened the door for Wangji. 

“Ah, Wangji,” Lan Qiren started when his nephew came into view before his office door. The smile quickly dropped when he saw Wuxian behind him. 

“Uncle,” Wangji said, forcing his uncle to focus on him instead. “The packet?”

He cleared his throat. “Yes. I just got the additional edits from the rest of the department. I need you to review this in time for tomorrow morning so I can hand it to those in my class who need to come see you for tutoring hours before the exam.”

“I’ll have it done before dinner tonight. In case we need to go over anything,” Wangji took the packet and passed Lan Qiren a cup with his other hand. “This is for you as well.”

“Ah, thank you Wangji,” Lan Qiren took the tea happily. 

“Wei Ying bought it for you.”

Wuxian smiled, a bit wickedly, at Lan Qiren. He could only _imagine_ what was going through his head, seeing his stoic straight faced nephew before him, with Wuxian smirking down at him from behind Wangji. Wuxian raised his own cup at Lan Qiren and winked. 

“...Thank you…”

“You are most welcome.”

“Is there anything else, Uncle,” Wangji asked. 

“No.”

“Mn.” Wangji turned to Wuxian. “We should head to class.”

“Lead the way,” Wuxian stepped to the side to let Wangji exit the office first. “Have a good day, Professor,” Wuxian hummed. 

Lan Qiren was _not_ pleased in any sense. He thought when Wangji had snapped at him in defense of Wuxian that one night, it was nothing more than his nephew simply standing up for someone he had misjudged. But the possibility of them being actual friends outside of the classroom was not something he had considered. 

“I don’t think he’s very happy with you,” Wuxian muttered on their way out of the suite.

“He isn’t.”

“And you’re okay with that,” Wuxian looked up at him.

“No, but I will be.”

Wuxian hummed. 


	44. Huaisang's Crisis

zixuan i’m freaking out **[reminder to ignore the ss time]**

  
  
  


yes AND dollars 

  
  


“He’s probably crying,” Jiang Cheng warned. 

“Yeah, I know,” Zixuan put his things back in his bag. 

“Here,” Wuxian handed him a chocolate chip muffin.

“Oh good,” Zixuan took the muffin. “He eats when he’s nervous.”

“Godspeed,” Wen Ning saluted him.

The group watched as Zixuan slipped out of the room just as Xichen was walking in, without a word. Wangji had quietly been listening to their conversation from his seat. 

Wuxian thought out loud, “His grade isn’t that bad though, is it?”

“It’s not _bad_ ,” Jiang Cheng answered. “But it will be if it drops any more.”

“He’ll be fine,” Wuxian shrugged. “He overthinks the subject too much.”

“Take your seats, please,” Xichen said as he hooked up his laptop. 

...

Yeah, Huaisang was crying. He held his head in his hands as he stared down at his textbook trying to skim but trying to absorb the content. He chewed his bottom lip absentmindedly, his own thoughts distracting him from focusing. 

Zixuan had run into Sizhui in the hall outside the room and gave him a brief warning.

“Hey, hey,” Zixuan walked in. “That isn’t allowed,” he stuck out his bottom lip in a pout. Huaisang let out a sigh and wiped his face. “Here, from Wuxian,” he handed him the muffin. 

“Thank you,” Huaisang mumbled, unwrapping it. 

Zixuan pulled out his own notebook and flipped to a new page, “What are we looking at? What are we working with?”

“Nothing,” Huaisang said miserably around the muffin. 

“Well, that’s not true,” Zixuan clicked his pen. “You already highlighted two pages,” he pointed out. “You keep reading, and I’ll write them down as you do. I know you like to look at the quotes pulled away from the text.”

Zixuan started writing. Huaisang sniffled and leaned forward to keep reading. His cheeks were puffed out as he continued munching on the muffin. 

Zixuan silently and quickly wrote down everything Huaisang highlighted and jotted down the page numbers. Without so much as a glance, he grabbed the water bottle from his bag and placed it in front of Huaisang when he finished the muffin. 

This wasn’t the first time they’ve had to sit down doing this, especially for this course. Huaisang knew better than to hand the water bottle back to Zixuan. If he even dared, Zixuan would immediately point out the backwash in the bottle. Huaisang moved the bottle to the other side of his notebook instead. 

“I already forgot the topic,” Huaisang deadpanned, interrupting the silence. “I think I’m highlighting random stuff.”

“No you didn’t,” Zixuan said over the notebook. “All of these relate.”

“Oh. Okay,” Huaisang leaned forward and tried to focus on the words. He flipped the page and continued skimming. Literally _how_ did he manage to read the syllabus wrong. All that time he wasted on a paper he can’t even use. Of _course_ he did that to himself. Right when he was finally starting to get his grade back up to something that Mingjue deemed acceptable. 

Zixuan looked up at Huaisang, “Stop that.” 

Huaisang glanced over, “Hm?”

Zixuan reached out, pulling Huaisang’s bottom lip out from under his teeth with his thumb, “Stop.” He pointed to the textbook. “You’re overthinking; you didn’t even realize you finished the reading.”

Huaisang glanced at the time on his laptop in front of him. “I only have an hour and a half left. I can’t write this.”

“That’s plenty of time,” Zixuan placed Huaisang’s laptop before him. “I have the quotes. You word vomit on here. Throw some underscores in where you want a quote, and I’ll put in what works after. Go,” he motioned to the laptop.

brain go poof 

  


fries the brain 

GO BABY GO! 

“Okay,” Huaisang finally leaned back. Zixuan locked his phone and took the laptop from him to read through. 

Zixuan said nothing but immediately started putting in the corresponding quotes and citing it, only occasionally writing additional points and changing what went where. Huaisang searched through Zixuan’s bag for snacks in the meantime. 

Zixuan looked at the clock after plowing through the paper. “Okay you’re about half a page short, and I increased the spacing just slightly. You should get a decent enough grade that wouldn’t hurt your overall grade,” he clicked around on the screen. “I don’t have time to reread though, you have fifteen minutes. You have to go print this.” He turned. “Is that my banana?”

“Maybe,” Huaisang said slowly, pushing the granola bar wrapper and empty pretzel bag behind him. 

“Huaisang.”

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” he whined. 

Zixuan sighed, “Clean up, I’m going to print this,” he took the laptop and went to hook it up to the suite’s printer. 

Huaisang threw all his trash away and brushed any and all (many) crumbs off the table. He joined Zixuan out of the room with both of their bags. “Thank you.”

“Mhm,” Zixuan watched the printer spit out the pages.

“Do you want five dollars?”

“What, no,” Zixuan laughed. “Keep your damn dollars.”

“Take my dollars, Zixuan.”

“I don’t want your dollars,” he handed Huaisang his closed laptop and the paper and took his bag back. 

“I’ll buy you a snack with the dollars,” he walked beside him out of the room.

“... What kind of snack?”

“Gummy bears.”

“I accept.”

for real don’t do this, it is messy **[i really did this once]**

  
  


HELLO PLEASE FOLLOW ME 

  
  



	45. Everything Up In Flames & Burnt Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW/ homophobia

Wangji let his uncle grumble around the house about his possible friendship with Wuxian. It was when he said something to himself about “his nephew is going to end up just like him at this rate” that Wangji put his headphones in and continued to hold his rabbit to his chest. 

He scratched behind the soft little ears and closed his eyes. The [song choice](https://open.spotify.com/track/6QuDZdVFJFzHsNDqmZ8so5?si=7c2d3e344404458c) did not help ease any sort of anxiety but having a soft little bun in his arms was comforting. The gentle weight of the rabbit across his chest was grounding. He let the song fuel his racing thoughts.

He was feeling so many conflicting things on a daily basis. Part of him was constantly yelling, warning him to stop before he messed things up for himself. The other part was quietly begging him to just let it happen. Maybe things needed to be messed up. He wasn’t ever really _comfortable_ anyways. 

Maybe things would turn out okay. He was considering seriously talking to Wuxian about what was on his mind. He was still reflecting on everything he had come to realize in his time of solitude, and his failed attempt at putting some distance himself and Wuxian. Maybe going into _proper_ seclusion after the semester would do him some good. But he had a feeling he knew what he would do. 

So really what was the point in that? Just… Take each day as they come. He had to keep reminding himself. He had to take a moment to process: is this what is expected of me? Or is this what I really want?

He opened his eyes at the buzz of his phone. A text from Wuxian: _We’re going to karaoke night at the Burial Mounds on Friday if you want to come?_

Wangji hesitated. He would definitely be expected to not go. But did he want to for once? It was entirely out of his comfort zone. Far, far, from his comfort zone. 

lan zhan it’s okay! 

  


ok zizhen 

“Hey Yanli, we’re about to lock up. I finished faster than I expected because Sizhui and Zizhen stayed to clean after closing. Make sure to tell Wen Qing they volunteered to do it. Alright, I’ll talk to you later. Love you, bye,” Wuxian locked his phone. “Okay losers, let’s make some cookies!”

“Sizhui,” Zizhen draped his arm over Sizhui’s shoulders, “This is possibly your best idea this week.”

“As long as Wuxian is sure we don’t need to pick up anything?”

“Nope,” Wuxian locked the door behind him. “I texted Jiang Cheng earlier and we have _plenty_ of ingredients for _several_ kinds of cookies.”

“Oh bless,” Zizhen beamed. “I thoroughly plan on eating a dozen or more cookies _a day_ ,” he emphasized. 

“You’re probably going to get sick,” Sizhui pointed out as they started walking. 

“And it would be worth it,” Zizhen replied, fist on his chest. 

“I concur,” Wuxian agreed happily. “Cookies make everything worth it.”

“When I say superior cookie, you say,” Zizhen paused. 

Wuxian and Sizhui hummed in thought. Sizhui replied first, “Peanut butter.”

“I think it’s chocolate chip. Love a classic,” Wuxian said. 

Zizhen sighed, “But have we considered a lovely snickerdoodle,” he offered. 

“Let’s discuss this when we’re consuming all of these cookies,” Sizhui offered. 

Wuxian thought out loud, “I suggest using Jiang Cheng as our taste tester.”

“Oh,” Zizhen said. “Is it a contest?”

Three bodies walked out of the corner store arguing amongst themselves. The smaller of the three whacked the other two with his bag. “Literally shut up, Wen Chao.”

“Nice,” Wuxian sighed to himself. He’d have to listen to these stupid fuckers on their walk back to the apartment. He rarely ran into Wen Chao but every so often he caught a glimpse of him outside and it was enough to put him in a bad mood. 

Zizhen and Sizhui however paid no mind to them as they all continued walking. “I don’t mind a contest. Are you prepared to lose, Zizhen?”

“I,” Zizhen paused. “What makes you think my snickerdoodles will lose? It’s like the only thing I know how to make. I perfected these.”

“Did you? I think they were a bit too crispy last time.”

Zizhen gasped, “I resent that, Sizhui!”

Loud as ever, he pulled Jin Zixun’s attention toward them. He paused and smirked as they continued walking in his direction. “If it isn’t ⅔ of the freshmen twinks.” 

Wuxian snapped, “You’re such a dick.”

Zizhen dropped his arm from Sizhui’s shoulders, “Excuse me?”

“Which one are you,” Wen Chao asked Sizhui. “Are you that JingYEET?”

“And what difference would that make,” Zizhen stepped in front of Sizhui.

“I want to know who the annoying bitch that is always on my timeline.”

“It’s Twitter,” Wuxian countered, “It’s not that fucking serious.”

Zizhen had never interacted with Wen Chao in his life but he was about a minute from jumping the guy. “You can’t tell people what they can and can’t say. He can post whatever he wants, and people can trend his shit if they want to.” 

“You Lans,” Zixun motioned to Sizhui again, “Apparently can get away with just about anything these days. I’ve seen you on campus; you’re really lowering the bar for the Lan Clan. Real classy,” he snorted. 

Zizhen had immediately started going for Zixun only for Sizhui to grab his wrist and pull him back. “ _Zizhen_ ,” he warned. “It is _not_ worth it.” Zizhen barely heard him as he glared at the group, his jaw clenched. He was already seeing red; Sizhui holding onto his wrist was the only reason he didn’t throw himself at Zixun yet. Sizhui’s tight grip on Wuxian’s sleeve kept him in place as well. 

Wen Chao chuckled in amusement. “But you too,” he motioned to Zizhen. “I have _definitely_ seen you around campus. It’d be a shame if everyone knew about you in all this. It sure would cause quite a commotion,” he hummed. “If I were you I’d consider spending less time draping yourself all over some Lan boys, unless you _want_ to get dragged into the mess? I’m sure your father wouldn’t appreciate hearing your name coming from the clan leaders’ mouths.” 

Xue Yang watched the whole scene a bit farther back, leaning against a lamp post and popping M&M’s in his mouth. He couldn’t care less about the whole thing. Frankly he rather enjoyed seeing that little trio of freshmen on campus and online. They were free entertainment in his mind. But Zixun and Wen Chao enjoyed watching people’s lives burst into flames.

“They all have more class in their pinkies than you do in your entire body,” Wuxian snapped. Zixun smirked. “You don’t get to dictate what people do with their lives-”

Sizhui did not like this, “Wuxian, it’s fine-”

“Don’t mention pinkies around Xue Yang,” Wen Chao laughed. 

Xue Yang gave Wen Chao a dirty look.

“Whatever the fuck that means,” Wuxian replied in annoyance. “Just shut the fuck up and leave them alone. Move,” he stepped forward.

“Gladly,” Zixun took a step to the side. “Don’t want to touch trash like you.”

Wuxian was steaming but followed the other two; Sizhui still pulling Zizhen along by his wrist. Wen Chao snorted, “The Jiangs should have left you out on the street where you belong.”

Wuxian was already spinning around to face Wen Chao before Sizhui could stop him.

Xue Yang popped another M&M in his mouth, “Ooh, this is fun.”

Wen Chao only just managed to avoid getting hit in the face. “That wasn’t very Jiang of you,” he chuckled. 

Wuxian exhaled through his nose, his jaw clenched, his fists by his side but ready to swing if Wen Chao even blinked. “Wei Wuxian,” Sizhui tried to pull him back. 

“Because he isn’t one,” Zixun reminded him. 

Wuxian went to step threateningly towards Zixun but Sizhui was faster and stepped between the two of them, trying to push Wuxian back. “Stop, Wuxian, don’t do this-”

“Let him,” Wen Chao laughed over Sizhui, stepping forward, reaching to move Sizhui out of the way.

Zizhen shoved Wen Chao back, “ _Don’t_ touch him.” Shoving Wen Chao? A mistake. 

He swung for Zizhen. Also a mistake. 

Sizhui slipped in front of Wen Chao. 

little babybird gays 

  


unbelievable. 

  


ouch. 

delete them    
  


“You guys _what_ ,” Yanli said over the phone. Sizhui retold the story to her quietly from the living room while Wuxian angrily rolled cookie dough, Zizhen beside him, expressionless and silent, working on his famous snickerdoodles. “Okay, okay. Good, I’m glad you guys didn’t actually get _hit_ in the fight.”

“They _what_ ,” Sizhui heard Wen Qing in the background. 

Sizhui sighed. “But he is visibly very upset. Should I be doing something? I think I should just let him aggressively bake.”

“No, you’re correct in doing so. Is Jiang Cheng there?”

“No, he must’ve gone out.”

“I won’t be back in the area until tomorrow afternoon,” Yanli hummed. “I’ll message him. Can you text Zixuan when you’re leaving?”

Sizhui blinked, “Text… Zixuan?”

“Yes, is that okay?”

“Yes, yes,” he nodded, though he didn’t get why.

“Can I talk to him real quick,” she asked. 

Sizhui walked over just as Wuxian put in two sheets of cookies into the oven and set the timer. “It’s Yanli.”

Wuxian took the phone, “Hi.”

“Are you okay?”

“No,” he replied immediately, walking to his room, “I’m fucking pissed.” Wuxian retold the story again. “Like who the fuck are they to even say that about the Lans? About _them_ ? The fuck did they even do? Like shit, go ahead and talk about me like that, but to talk down to _them_ ? What the fuck?” Wuxian paced around his room. “And to call _me_ trash? To say I’m not a Jiang? Okay, no offense, but I didn’t go through the same lessons you guys did tenfold to not be considered a part of the clan. No, fuck that. Shit, I might not have the name but the Jiang Clan is _my_ clan… Calling me trash,” he said under his breath. “Are we sure Zixun isn’t Guangshan’s spawn?”

Yanli laughed at that one. “He sounds like he is.”

“God I’m fucking angry.”

“When the boys leave, take a shower. Listen to some music if you want. But take a shower, eat something, maybe stretch a bit before bed?” Yanli suggested. “I’m sorry I’m not in town. Otherwise I’d make you some soup and tuck you in myself.”

zixuan ToT 

  


:( 

  
  
  


yanli calls zixuan 


	46. Beans Can Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// homophobia

“ _What_ ,” Jingyi looked at Zizhen and Sizhui in disbelief. “Nope, nope,” he picked up his phone. Sizhui calmly took the phone out of his hand and put it on his desk. “Sizhui-”

“Please don’t bother,” Sizhui interrupted. 

“Don’t bother?” Jingyi shook his head. “Sizhui, they said-”

“I know what they said,” Sizhui said. “I heard what they called us. I heard what they thought about _you and_ _me_ as Lans, and what they implied about _us_. I heard what they thought of Wuxian. I heard the tone in their voice. I heard what they called all of us when we walked away. I heard _that_ loud and clear. It was not okay. I know this.”

“Why shouldn’t I say something then,” Jingyi asked honestly. “They approached you because of _me_.”

“Don’t,” Zizhen spoke up from where he sat in the desk chair, hugging his knee to his chest. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Take all the blame for some shit they said to us,” Zizhen sighed. “They also mentioned _me_ around campus. That’s more than just saying shit on the internet, whether it’s joking or not. At least for that you can play it off.”

“Okay but what exactly are any of us doing on campus that provokes anyone to say _anything_ ,” Jingyi challenged. “They likely took shit I’ve said online and read into everything else. Okay like, I literally say I’m going to make out with everyone all the time on Twitter. Didn’t I tell Wuxian he could lick my eyeballs or something? Do I need to clarify to everyone that I absolutely didn’t mean that; _no one_ is licking my eyeballs.”

Zizhen completely ignored the last comment. “But _are_ they reading into things,” Zizhen asked. “You could just be used to how we all interact that you don’t realize anymore.”

“Zizhen, why are you-”

“I’m just trying to be realistic and consider everything they’ve said,” he answered honestly. “Do I care what people think of _me?_ No, not enough to change how I act. Not typically…”

“So why this time?” Jingyi asked. 

“Because they’re talking about you guys too.”

Sizhui sighed. “Maybe we should just be more careful, Jingyi,” he offered. 

“But what did we _do_ ? How am I supposed to know what I need to do differently outside of _this_ room?”

“I don’t know,” Sizhui shrugged. “But, _maybe_ , we should just spend less time around campus. Do our own thing?” Wow. That hurt more to say than Sizhui expected.

“We… We already do our own thing, though. What are we supposed to do? Just not talk? Act like those roommates who hate living together and only talk on campus when they have no other choice? That’s kind of shit, Sizhui.”

“I don’t know…”

“Let me just… _Say_ something to them,” Jingyi near pleaded. “I won’t do it online if you think that will cause issues. I’ll say something in person-”

“I think that would definitely cause issues,” Sizhui pointed out, “Especially after what I did to Wen Chao.”

“Pretty badass,” Zizhen muttered. 

“I want to know what they think they have on us-”

“Please don’t do that,” Sizhui asked. “I think I’d rather not push any buttons and lay low.”

“And to lay low means we pretty much stop being friends out in public _just in case_ someone reads into our behavior as anything other than friendly,” Jingyi replied. 

“Jingyi, I don’t know-”

“You’re asking me to say literally nothing, _and_ that I need to… not be me?”

“What, no, don’t put words into my mouth,” Sizhui stopped him. “Be you, _always_ be you.”

“But _me_ doesn’t want to avoid walking with you, or eating lunch between classes, or studying in the library, or sitting in the quad-”

“Jingyi-”

“ _Me_ ,” he stopped Sizhui, “Wants to hold his hand in Lotus Root,” he pointed to Zizhen, “- to have dinner in the cafeteria with him, and him to keep bringing me snacks when I’m in the computer lab!”

“Jingyi,” Sizhui reached out. “I’m sorry, I’m just suggesting maybe we start being more careful. I don’t _know_ what that looks like.”

Zizhen started biting his nails. 

“What do we even need to be careful for?”

Sizhui hesitated, “Jingyi, you know why the two of us need to be careful.”

“But we didn’t _do_ anything,” Jingyi was getting increasingly frustrated and fed up. Not with Sizhui. But with being _careful_. “We are careful, Sizhui. We have been very careful. Literally what else is there? From what I’m hearing, not be friends anymore. I’d rather leave the clan than do that.”

“No, you don’t mean that,” Sizhui sighed. 

“No, y’know what,” Jingyi reached behind his head to untie his headband. Zizhen watched wide eyed as Jingyi spiraled.

“ _Jingyi_ ,” Sizhui grabbed his wrist. “Stop. You’re getting very upset. We need to just sit down and relax for a moment. Please?” Jingyi dropped his hands and huffed. “You’re not listening to me. You’re putting words into my mouth now too. That’s not like you.”

“I’m sorry,” he looked at Sizhui tiredly. 

Zizhen dropped his hand from his mouth but kept picking at his nails. “Honestly it’s probably strictly because of me.” 

They both looked at him. “What do you mean,” Sizhui asked. 

“They’re probably reading into shit because of _me_ . Everyone _knows_ that I’m gay. I’m pretty loud about it-”

“As is your right,” Jingyi added in.

“Yes, but,” Zizhen sighed. “Wen Chao and Jin Zixun are also loud. They spread rumors. The way they talked sounded like they were going to say something to either Jin Guangshan or Wen Ruohan. Literally why else would they ask me about my dad hearing my name from other clan leaders? My dad is a pretty open minded guy, but to what extent,” he chuckled nervously. “I just… I don’t think you want them throwing you to the wolves like that. Those two talk to the wrong people about _you two_ , and you’re going to be in big trouble with like… most of your clan.” 

“Define ‘most’ though, because frankly,” Jingyi stopped him, “I think there are a lot of gay Lans.”

“But is anyone open about it? Just _how_ many people would stand up for you? I just… Lan Qiren and a lot of those bitches have a lot of power over your clan. It’s not like Xichen is in charge yet…” Zizhen pointed out, biting his nails again for a second. “I just think, maybe less time with _me_ will give them less shit to spread around. You should be fine as long as I’m not there.”

Sizhui froze, “Wait… No-”

“Just for a bit,” Zizhen said. “Just so those fuckers have nothing to talk about.”

“Now I know we’re both being dramatic,” Jingyi concluded. “Don’t do that Zizhen, please don’t do that.”

“I’d rather you guys not have to be cautious about interacting with each other like normal friends,” Zizhen countered. “That might give them more to talk about anyways.”

“I’d rather change nothing at all,” Jingyi said. “Fuck it, nothing changes… And I’m saying something to them-”

  
“This is the _least_ productive conversation we have ever had,” Sizhui said aloud, holding his hands up in an attempt to halt the discussion.

we move in hidden fellas 

the first tweets. 

and now mo xuanyu has awoken 

funny that you say that, 

jingyi forgets no one. 

when everyone loves to see it... 

tag yourself i’m mo xuanyu 

NOW TRENDING:  [#jingYEETisthatyou](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETisthatyou?src=hashtag_click)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


jingyi is far from done. 

NOW TRENDING: 

[#jingYEETisthatyou](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETisthatyou?src=hashtag_click)

[#itsjingYEET](https://twitter.com/hashtag/itsjingYEET?src=hashtag_click)

jingYEET

  
  


Zixuan walked into the apartment with a large paper bag under his arm, “Honey, I’m home.”

Wuxian stared at him in shock. “Zixuan, I swear,” he dropped a hand on his chest where his heart was still racing. “I thought someone was breaking in.”

“Lock your door,” he sang out. “Anyways,” he put the bag down. “I present: food.”

“Why?” Wuxian paused. “What food,” he walked over to the counter with his eyebrows raised. 

“Food of many,” Zixuan started pulling things out with a pleased grin. “I have burgers, fries,” he set each item down as he listed it, “Bananas, French bread pizzas, some ramen if you want, cool ranch doritos, gummy bears- oh sorry, those are for me- Sour Patch Kids- those are for you-, a single muffin - I took a bite out of it-, and some Yoo-hoos.”

Wuxian stared at all the items. “Did you stop by a McDonald’s and a gas station?”

“Why yes, yes I did,” Zixuan popped open a Yoo-hoo. “ _Two_ gas stations.”

Wuxian opened the other and clinked it against Zixuan’s, “I knew I liked you.”

  


Not a single person was happy with the decision. Maybe it was best for the current moment, but it didn’t feel right. And well frankly, at this point it didn’t matter if Jingyi and Sizhui disagreed, because they weren’t going to be able to stop Zizhen anyways. 

“Can you just consider how you’ll both probably lose your scholarships from the Lan Clan Fund if things blow up in your face,” Zizhen had asked the both of them. They were silent. “Do you need me to give you _more_ reasons?” They would prefer him to stop listing things like he had been. “It’s just… Better to be safe than sorry.”

Sizhui hadn’t replied at all. Jingyi took a deep breath… Jingyi would handle it himself. It was top priority, right alongside his massive Marketing project.

“I’m okay doing this,” Zizhen had confirmed with them. “I know you say you don’t care about what your clan would do anymore, but I know you do. And that’s okay. I just don’t want anything to happen. It would kill me if it was because of me.”

“It wouldn’t be,” Sizhui had tried, and failed, to convince him otherwise. Sizhui had looked at Jingyi’s pout, and Zizhen biting his nails. He pulled Zizhen’s fingers away from his mouth. “Come on,” he pulled them both towards Jingyi’s bed and went to drag and push his across the room. He was sure the downstairs neighbors probably hated him by now.

Zizhen helped Sizhui jump onto the raised beds and settled between the two Lans. Zizhen let Jingyi wrap an arm around his waist and pull their bodies together. 

Sizhui settled before Zizhen, instead entangling their legs and holding his arms close to his own chest. Sizhui knew he wasn’t going to be able to change Zizhen’s mind. He might as well just support him, even if he hadn’t agreed with what was happening. Whatever that meant… “It’s okay, Zizhen,” he said quietly. 

Zizhen didn’t think it felt okay. He really didn’t. He kept replaying Wen Chao’s words in his head. He did something to put the two Lans under his target. He knows he did. Because Jingyi was right, him and Sizhui were careful for the most part. Especially when in public. They _knew_ what was okay and what wasn’t in their clan. But Zizhen was loud everywhere he was, whether it was online, in public, or in private. He was just… loud. He made his presence known. Maybe that wasn’t okay?

It didn’t feel okay anymore. Not now, because now he was worried he did something that would get Sizhui and Jingyi in trouble. It could’ve been a number of things. It could’ve been letting Jingyi put his hands on him on campus or in town, no matter how friendly and otherwise normal it was. It could’ve been playing with Sizhui’s hair in the quad. It could’ve been the goddamn way Zizhen liked to put his feet between Jingyi’s, under the study tables in the library; did it look like they were playing footsies or something? It could’ve been any time that Zizhen had insisted on playing with one or the other’s fingers. It could’ve been the way he flirted with Jingyi in the computer lab, or fuck, it could’ve been when Zizhen straight up kissed Sizhui after he sent that dance video… They didn’t even need to be there. Maybe someone else was already talking about any of it, and Wen Chao had heard. 

He was so stupid. He could only imagine what Wen Chao was spinning in his head with him thrown into the middle of Sizhui and Jingyi. He didn’t know what Wen Chao had up his sleeve, but he had something. Zizhen didn’t know if Sizhui and Jingyi could defend his actions as one of your typical everyday friend’s. 

He couldn’t stop his eyes from watering, regardless of his firm decision to stay away from Jingyi and Sizhui for some time. They had become a constant that Zizhen expected daily, in some sort of capacity.

Sizhui traced Zizhen’s bottom lip with his finger before tucking his hair behind his ear. Zizhen didn’t like the look Sizhui was giving him. He didn’t like that Jingyi had propped himself up behind him to peer down at him. He didn’t want to look at Jingyi and see the same look reflecting in his eyes. 

So he closed his eyes instead. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

* * *

Zizhen was on autopilot, because if he wasn’t, he definitely would not have been able to stand on his two feet. Not recommended when he had to walk across campus to get to his own dorm building. Thankfully he managed to get out of Sizhui and Jingyi’s building without coming across anyone in the lobby that he was friends with (a first) so it wasn’t too hard to get out unseen. He wasn’t quite sure how he looked but he imagined it wasn’t great and he did _not_ have the energy to play it off right now.

He stopped at the stone wall across from his building when it really hit him. When he really processed everything he suggested. Everything he said he would do. Every word that left his mouth. He leaned back against the wall and processed…

Everything. 

His chest tightened painfully. Fuck. How was he supposed to avoid his two best friends like they meant nothing to him? How was he supposed to act like he didn’t give a shit? How was he supposed to show up to class and look at them and _not_ interact with them? 

Zizhen bent over and held his knees for a moment. His dad always warned him about his behavior getting him into trouble one day. He didn’t think that the “trouble” would be directed towards Sizhui and Jingyi though. Whatever Wen Chao was threatening to tell people, it wouldn’t hurt Zizhen besides maybe temporarily disappointing his father for the attention he was getting. Whatever Wen Chao was threatening to tell people would’ve hurt his best friends. And that really was not okay. 

Zizhen dropped down onto a bench and held his head in his hands. _Why am I like this_? Always pushing things too far. Always too loud. Always too in your face. Now he went and potentially ruined his most important friendship because he was just too touchy-feely. 

Zizhen groaned and pushed himself to a stand with a huff. “Really did it this time, Zizhen,” he muttered to himself, moving at a much slower pace as exhaustion took over his body.

hes going to squidward dab through the semester 

“You sure you’re okay,” Jin Ling watched Zizhen from where he was propped up in bed. Zizhen looked severely on edge. The longer he watched him the more concern he felt. “Did something happen?”

“No, Jin Ling,” Zizhen snapped but there was no aggression in his tone. Just tiredness. “Nothing happened,” he turned his back and sighed. “Just stop asking,” he said a bit breathlessly.

Oh. Yup. Yeah, that was that trying-to-not-cry-voice. Yup. Something happened. “Okay, jeez,” Jin Ling replied. “Don’t tell me then…” He bit the inside of his cheek. “Let me know if you need something,” he added in a soft tone.

“Fine,” Zizhen wiped his nose on his sleeve and stared down at his phone. He cleared all the unopened messages in this notification center that were from Jingyi while he and Sizhui were still on their way back from Wuxian’s. He locked his phone and let it sit on his desk. He knew Jin Ling’s alarm would wake him up. No point in keeping his phone charged. He sighed heavily and slipped out of his clothes. He had a presentation tomorrow morning he needed to focus on and be rested for. 

The texts from earlier in the night + one sent after zizhen put his phone on his desk. 

  



	47. Crimes

“Happy Tuesday,” Wuxian grumbled into his pillow. 

“Wake up,” Zixuan nudged him. “Let’s get breakfast before class.” Zixuan was in the same boat as Wuxian though; they hadn’t stayed up _too_ late but neither had been sleeping much in general and could have slept for a few more hours.

“You kick in your sleep,” Wuxian rolled to the edge of the bed. 

“No I don’t,” Zixuan frowned, rubbing his eyes. 

Wuxian groaned, sitting up to crack his back. “How exactly would you know?”

Zixuan rolled into the middle of the bed and got comfortable with the ample space. “Because I know that I don’t.”

Wuxian rolled his eyes and started getting ready. Zixuan unplugged his phone and started texting his friends to see if anyone wanted something brought to Ethical Response while they were out getting food. 

happy tuesday 

  


“Hey Wuxian,” Zixuan rolled out of bed. 

“What,” he called from the bathroom. 

“If I got Jiang Cheng that strawberry Nesquick milk, would he still put it in his cereal?”

“Absolutely,” Wuxian rinsed his toothbrush. 

Zixuan hummed in amusement, “A choice,” he opened the cabinet and looked for the wooden toothbrush among all the colorful ones, one belonging to each of their friends. They all had the same toothbrush at each residence so they would never confuse them when they had their spur of the moment sleepovers. “But I guess I respect it,” he pulled out his toothbrush. “... Wuxian… Is this the toothpaste from my apartment?”

“Oh, yeah,” Wuxian tied his hair with a ribbon, looking at his reflection. “I stole it from your closet last time I was over because we ran out.”

Zixuan popped it open, “Or I dunno, just ask.” 

“Eh,” Wuxian sat on the edge of the small tub. “So what’s your family group chat look like? Did you check it yet?”

“No,” Zixuan replied around the toothbrush. “I’d rather get my day going first before I get myself into that probable mess.”

“I can’t believe Jingyi hacked them,” Wuxian sighed happily. “Some people just deserve that kind of shit.”

“Those three definitely do,” Zixuan agreed. He spit into the sink.

“Is Jingyi going to get shit for this though,” Wuxian continued getting ready.

“No,” Zixuan replied. “He officially has three Jins who would declare his innocence.”

“Three?”

“Didn’t you see how Guangyao reacted to the whole thing,” Zixuan asked loudly. “I am fairly positive he would pay him to do it again.”

“Oh, speaking of paying,” Wuxian changed quickly in excitement and made his way back to Zixuan. “After Wen Ning tweeted about Venmo-ing Jingyi, a _bunch_ of people started doing the same. I gotta ask him what people were giving him but that list is _long_ ,” Wuxian smiled widely. “Jingyi is possibly the most liked person on campus right now.”

“You know,” Zixuan leaned against the counter. “He deserves that, I think.”

“How right you are,” Wuxian pointed to him as he turned back to his reflection to brush out his hair.

Wuxian’s phone rang quietly in his hand. Unknown Caller. “Hmm?… Hello,” he held the phone up to his ear. Wuxian straightened, swallowing hard. “Madam Yu-”

“So it’s just _my_ number you refuse to answer,” she accused. 

Wuxian thought quickly. “Did you call me earlier,” he lied. “I only just woke up, I might have missed-”

“Cut the act,” Ziyuan snapped. “Don’t try and play stupid now.”

“...”

“We need to talk.”

Wuxian cleared his throat, “About?”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Zixuan caught Wuxian’s eye with a questioning look but he turned and walked away from his sight. “With what?”

Ziyuan sighed heavily. “You’re going to school now. What happened to your plan? Just freeballing it again? Why would you throw away that opportunity? Yanli and was kind enough to offer you a full time position out of the goodness of her heart. You said you wouldn’t-”

“I didn’t throw away anything,” Wuxian stopped her. _Also that isn’t entirely how I got the job_ , he thought. “I am still working at Lotus Root. I still do the work that is asked of me. If I need to be there, I will be there. I can work everything else around it. I am taking classes to… broaden my horizons.” Ziyuan scoffed. “School is good for me.”

“When did you apply? How are you paying for these classes, Wei Wuxian. If you are borrowing from Yanli or Jiang Cheng, I swear-”

“I’m not,” he interrupted. “I am making regular payments,” _to Jingyi_ , he thought to himself. “And if you must know, I pay for half of the apartment. I pay for half of Jiang Cheng’s gas, I pay for half the food in this apartment. Madam Yu, I know you call Jiang Cheng often. Please ask him. I can _assure_ you that I’m not asking them for money. I pay my share. I make sure everything is covered before I consider spending anything elsewhere. I barely have any spending money left at the end of the month so most of it, if not all, usually goes into my savings.”

“And what of the money you still owe Fengmian,” she snapped. “You were supposed to be working full time, paying us off, saving your money until you got yourself back on your feet. Did you forget about that?” Well he wouldn’t quite be able to save if he had been paying the Jiangs back all the money he borrowed _and_ his bills and not Jingyi. 

Wuxian hesitated. Admittedly, he pushed that to the farthest part of his mind. “I’ll send over whatever is in my accounts over to him right now.” He would have to rebudget. Pay Jingyi a bit less for the time being so he could start paying the Jiangs back, maybe he should take couponing up while he was at it to save just a bit more for his actual savings. 

Or some freelance work on the side…

“Wei Wuxian!”

“Sorry,” he apologized, “You’re breaking up, I didn’t catch that. Can you hear me?”

Ziyuan sighed in frustration. “You need to get your head on your shoulders before you go wasting people’s time and money.” _But this is my money_ . “If I find out that you aren’t truly working at Lotus Root as you said and put Yanli in a difficult position or that you’re taking _any_ money from Jiang Cheng, Wei Wuxian-”

Wuxian tuned her out. Yeah, yeah. He knows. He expected more frequent phone calls now. Perhaps even a visit. He ran a hand over his face. Can he just go back to bed now and call it a day? “And I want to see your course syllabi.”

“What?”

“I want to know what you’re putting your energy towards if it’s not towards anything serious.”

“I,” Wuxian blinked in confusion. What the fuck? “I personally think that education can be pretty important. You guys taught me that.”

“And it isn’t for everyone.”

“No, it’s not. And that’s okay. But… It’s for me. It always has been. I excel in school.”

“You could have fooled me,” she scoffed. 

He reflected on a conversation he once had with Yanli about everything. “My dropping out of Yunping does not reflect my capabilities. I know what I am capable of, and what I am not. My experience at Yunping ended earlier than anticipated but that does not mean I am suddenly limited in my future endeavors and achievements. Nor does it mean I can’t ever step back into a scholastic or professional atmosphere, institution, or conversation.”

jared, 19, but make it hearing and comprehension 

pls 

Zixuan’s phone dinged on the table beside him where he and Wuxian sat outside the cafeteria, eating the breakfast they had just bought. It must’ve been Huaisang asking for his smoothie. His phone was on Do Not Disturb still but he had his friends and the freshman four on Emergency Bypass. Well, and-

Guangyao. 

Zixuan sighed and scrolled through the messages. It was the usual few who participated in the chat and the occasional gossiping, that were messaging each before they started dragging in others.

enter the jins, stage left 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


zixuan enters the chat, stage right. hits them with the “graphic design is his passion” 

  
  


zixuan protecc 

Zixuan walked into the otherwise empty classroom. Wuxian beelined for their friends while Zixuan went to Guangyao. “How’d it go?”

Guangyao looked up from his phone. “Fine. I had nothing of value to contribute. I reiterated the same things I said in the chat. He wasn’t too happy, but,” Guangyao shrugged. “You should… Go with Jin Ling though. He’s probably going to come down hard on him to see if he really knows nothing.”

“I am,” Zixuan nodded. “He’ll be fine.”

“Just play stupid.”

“Just play stupid,” Zixuan nodded. “Did Dad mention anything about what Zixun said to him. About why he thinks Jingyi hacked him?”

“No,” Guangyao said slowly. “I haven’t spoken to him, or the others, but it looks like they tried to fight Wuxian and his friends?” He waved his hand. “I don’t know. I don’t care. But I hope he does it again. You should’ve seen Zixun this morning with all the texts he was still getting.”

pray tell jingyi, what does that mean 

Jingyi never moved so fast. He had a very small window to do this but he was going to get it done. He moved quietly down the hallway to the cubbies just outside the athletic room. The space was small so everything had to be kept out in the hallway, the offices just enough out of sight that this could work. 

He called Zixun’s number and listened, hoping the ringer wasn’t on full volume, and simultaneously that it wasn’t on silent.

The faintest buzz came from the cubby closest to the cracked door of the athletic room. He contemplated the risk…

Fuck it. 

Jingyi moved swiftly, grabbing the phone and pulling his own laptop out of his bag along with a few cords, searching for the one he needed. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was even sitting there before someone walked out of the room, signalling the end of class. Jingyi looked over with wide eyes. 

Thankfully it was Jin Ling. He froze and looked at Jingyi on the floor. Jingyi shook his head and held up his hand. He needed just 4 more minutes, in the very least.

Jin Ling turned around and moved past the bodies to distract Zixun. His initial plan was to avoid him entirely and run along to his next class, but the look on Jingyi’s face told him that he absolutely was not going to be doing that. 

Jingyi put in his headphones to look as innocent as possible on the floor in the hallway. “Just waiting for Jin Ling,” Jingyi smiled up at one of his peers who asked what he was doing out here. 

“Oh, I think he’s talking to Zixun,” they grabbed their bag. “He’ll probably be out in a second.”

“Ah, okay! I thought I saw him go back in. Thanks!” Jingyi double checked everything before closing his laptop. As he neared the door he slipped the phone back into place. 

Jin Ling was barely out the door when he mouthed, “Go,” to Jingyi. 

“Wait, actually,” Jingyi turned and chased his peer down. “I had a question about that Economics quiz tomorrow!” 

Zixuan passed by Jingyi with a couple of other students on his way to get Jin Ling. Jingyi nodded towards him but kept moving. 

“Hey,” Jin Ling approached him, Zixun not far behind him, looking begrudgingly at his phone, still getting texts from people. “Let’s go. I’m already going to be late for science,” he sighed. 

sizhui doing a panic 

  


Sizhui tapped his pen anxiously against his notebook watching the door to the lecture hall. Jin Ling wasn’t here to distract him. He wasn’t sure if Zizhen was even going to be showing up to class today. He hated the course but his attendance had become consistent. He hoped that he wasn’t so upset to go and ruin that now.

He eyed the clock, watching it tick by slowly. But Zizhen wasn’t there yet. Surely Marketing was over and he’d be here by now? Class was starting in just two minutes and everyone was here except for Zizhen.

And Jin Ling.

Where was Jin Ling?

The door opened and Zizhen walked in with the professor, surprisingly, having a conversation. Sizhui was internally applauding Zizhen. Zizhen absolutely hated talking to the professor because he always walked away feeling so stupid. But Sizhui was glad to see Zizhen go to his seat, no disgruntled look on his face, no roll of the eyes.

But he also didn’t even look at Sizhui… 

Sizhui bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at his phone sadly. 

Zizhen glanced over his shoulder briefly to see Sizhui texting. 

concerning. 

  


OH? 

  
  


jail buddies revisited 

he likes sour cream and onion chips 

thought processes? we don’t know her. 

they went to lunch instead of class 

“I don’t know,” Sizhui said warily, taking a bite of pizza.

Jingyi sat on the floor beside the pizza box and turned his laptop to face Sizhui. “Just… Look at these messages.” Sizhui put the pizza back in the box haphazardly and took the laptop from Jingyi. “I was pulling shit out of my ass with those tweets but apparently there is some dirt on Lan Qiren,” he took a slice for himself. “Don’t know what yet, but,” he shrugged. “I’ve already deleted most things off my laptop,” he added. “Whatever was irrelevant. Which was pretty much everything.”

“What are you going to do if you find out though, Jingyi,” Sizhui kept scrolling.

“Guess it depends on what it is. But it has to do with the Jin Clan too.”

“Do you think Zixuan knows,” Sizhui glanced up, “Or Jin Ling?”

“Dunno,” Jingyi covered his mouth as he spoke with his mouth full. “They don’t really talk in the groupchat. I went as far back as the start of the group chat last year, and I saw nothing about Lan Qiren ever mentioned.”

“I’d like to think they’d say something if it was anything important,” Sizhui said. 

“I’m sure,” Jingyi nodded, reaching for a napkin.

“Did you find anything noteworthy from Wen Chao?”

“They don’t message anything of importance,” Jingyi shook his head. “I’ve already gone and sorted through everything though. I don’t think I can be called a Lan anymore after that,” he mumbled.

“... But you’re still going for Wen Chao aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Sizhui frowned but nodded in response. “I just,” Jingyi sighed. “Sizhui, I just know that they have _something_ , it’s not just all talk. Once I have it in my hands then Zizhen will come back.”

“I don’t think there is anything,” Sizhui handed the computer back. “They would’ve done something with it if they did.”

“I guess we’ll see if I feel like utter shit at the end of all this, or not,” Jingyi closed the laptop. 

“I think you will regardless,” Sizhui said honestly.

“How right you are,” Jingyi handed his crust to Sizhui. “Enough of this though. How was your day, baby?”


	48. Having Open Conversations

“I was _just_ on my way,” Wuxian said when Wangji walked in. 

“I don’t mind,” Wangji replied. “I only just finished my work anyways. How’d it go?”

“Good,” Wuxian paused. “Do you want to see it?”

Did he want to see it? Did he want to see the dance Wuxian was working on? Did he want to see Wuxian dance? “Of course,” Wangji replied instantly. 

[ _I set out to rule the world_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2nNYGlXd4K7LKIA0rHychQ?si=8ecbb031e7114627)

[ _With only a paper shield and a wooden sword._ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2nNYGlXd4K7LKIA0rHychQ?si=8ecbb031e7114627)

_No mountain dare stand in my way,_

_Even the oceans tremble in my wake._

Wangji couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe that he spent the evening texting Wuxian, only to find out that they were both still on campus. Wangji was busy reading and grading papers and doing his own assignments. Wuxian, on his day off from Lotus Root, had decided to let off steam working on some choreo in the dance studio. Without a ride home of course. 

Wangji couldn’t believe that he had a car and could definitely drive him home instead of making him walk in the rain. 

Wangji simply could not believe that he was watching Wuxian dance, again, and was going to drive him home after. How incredibly fortunate was he for choosing to stay on campus today?

_Now I bear little resemblance to the king I once was._

_I bear little resemblance to the king I could become._

_Maybe paper is paper, maybe kids will be kids-_

_Lord, I want to remember how to feel like I did._

Immensely fortunate. 

Wuxian ended the song halfway through and looked at Wangji with uncertainty. “So uh,” he unplugged his phone and walked over to where Wangji sat by his things. “What do you think?”

“It was beautiful.”

Wuxian smiled, “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“I wasn’t sure if it was okay… I might still change this one part of it.”

“It will still be beautiful.”

“Ah, Lan Zhan!” Wuxian covered his ears, “You’re going to make me blush!”

_Also beautiful_ , Wangji thought to himself. He smirked and stood up.

i’m 100% trying to be like jiang cheng 

tele-cuddling 

“Are you going to answer that,” Wuxian asked Wangji. 

“It’s just my group chat,” he replied.

“Who is in this group chat, pray tell,” Wuxian positioned himself to face him. 

“Mianmian, Song Lan, Xingchen, and my brother,” Wangji said.

“All lovely people,” Wuxian approved. “They seem talkative tonight,” Wuxian laughed as his phone kept dinging. 

Wangji picked it up to switch the volume off. It was just Song Lan and Xichen. “Not as much as your friends.”

“Eh,” Wuxian sat straight again. “I’m used to it, but yes,” he laughed. “Every once in a while everyone goes absolutely radio silent. Sometimes for an incredibly long time too. Though I suppose that happens less often since I’ve moved here.”

“Why is that?”

Wuxian shrugged and dropped his head back against the rest. Wangji watched him closely. “I’m sure they probably didn’t want to make me feel left out of what they were doing since I was in Yunmeng. It was fine in high school because we were all spread out. But then they _all_ ended up specifically in the Greater Cloud Recesses area.”

“Ah,” Wangji thought. “I’m sure you must’ve felt a bit left out regardless?”

“Yeah,” Wuxian nodded. “I know they stopped using the chat to plan things to not shove it in my face, and I do appreciate that though. I kind of pulled away from them after a while anyways too so,” he shrugged. “I’m not really bothered by it. I get where they were coming from.” He let out a laugh, “Now I can’t get them to shut up.” His phone dinged. “Exhibit A.” His phone dinged two more times. “Exhibit B.” He folded a leg underneath himself. “Our friends probably aren’t too different.”

Wangji looked back out the windshield. “Maybe. I’m not particularly close to people the way you are.”

“You seem pretty close…”

“We don’t talk about things in the same fashion you guys do. Not so openly. Though I suppose that’s because of me and Xichen,” he pushed the driver’s seat back and pulled his leg up onto the seat to rest against the door.

Wuxian hummed. “I don’t think that means you aren’t close. It sounds like they’re respecting you and what you are and aren’t comfortable with.”

“I guess,” he looked to Wuxian. “It kind of feels like I’m missing out on something.”

“Like what?”

Wangji hesitated. He wasn’t sure he knew how to explain it properly. He looked forward again. “The ability to talk about what’s on your mind...Or I suppose, be able to be… open about things? And not judged for it?”

“Hmm…” Wuxian took a sip of his soda. “How do you know that you can’t?”

Wangji sighed, “It doesn’t feel natural. I mean,” he paused. He was getting annoyed with himself just thinking about it. “So they-”

“-Mianmian, Song Lan, and Xingchen?”

“Yes. They are very… that-”

“-Open?”

“Yes. To a certain extent of course. But… It sounds stupid to describe.”

“That’s okay. Describe it.”

“They’re not as unfiltered as your friends, no offense-”

“- None taken-”

“But there’s just certain things where they’ll start to be very vague, and Xichen and I don’t really engage too much in the conversation or the jokes or whatever it is at the time. Or someone will come to me, and I’ll listen to them, and I’ll help them, but… I don’t ever go to them. And if I do… I don’t talk. Because I can’t… I don’t feel like I can.”

“You’re saying, for that last bit, that you can’t talk to them about something that is wrong?”

“Yes. I think: maybe I can just say xyz, and then I think about it a bit more… And I never end up saying anything. And I’m aware we’re friends, and we’re close, but when I think about it, I consider: maybe we aren’t actually close enough for me to do this?”

“So you haven’t actually tried?” Wuxian paused. “Well that was an accusatory way to ask that… I mean, besides thinking about talking to them and being open, you haven’t tried to voice your thoughts? No wait-”

Wangji put his arm out to stop him, “I know what you’re saying. No. I’ve never opened up to them. Nothing that wasn’t something they could see and decipher on their own.”

“What does that mean?”

“My Uncle tells me off, I’m in an awful mood. Or… it’s finals,” he shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Nope, got it, continue.”

“I have nothing deeper than that, that I feel comfortable talking about.”

“Talking about those kinds of things are never entirely comfortable. Even with someone you’re comfortable talking to. You can know they won’t judge you for whatever you’re saying to them, but there’s still the _slightest_ possibility that they may, and your brain may just blow up that _slight_ possibility into being suddenly a 99% chance of happening.” Wuxian put his cup down. “Start with something small.”

“What’s small?”

“I don’t know,” Wuxian started. “I think only you can determine that.”

“Can I ask what you think is small for you,” Wangji asked cautiously.

Wuxian listened to the rain pelting against the car and thought. What _was_ small? Maybe something that he would casually share without thinking too deeply about it? But for Wangji… He wasn’t open about anything really. He was guarded. So would it really feel small for him? “Talking about being stuck in Yunmeng while my friends were here with each other.”

Wangji watched the rain and played with his earlobe while he thought. He wasn’t sure he had something like that. Or rather, he thought what was big to him, that would be small to someone else? And how could he know that? All he had was his Uncle. Academics. His Uncle. Everything with Wuxian. And… well his Uncle. 

And the expectations of the entire clan. The way he’s still contacted regarding his music. The disappointment from others of focusing on his studies and his music over performance and how backwards that felt for him. The way he knows that people are either intimidated by him or think he’s arrogant and uptight. How he nearly always feels on edge or stuck. Or how he feels disconnected from his friends sometimes… Though that probably comes from the loud assumptions and expectations of a Lan and how he just falls straight into that role with ease.

“What are you thinking,” Wuxian asked quietly. 

“How do you determine what’s small?”

“I guess what _I_ do, and it may be different for you, is I take into consideration how close I am to someone? Or what we’ve talked about in the past? And specifically what I am looking to get off my chest? Maybe…” he trailed off. He’s never considered putting this into words so he was unsure it was making sense. 

“This is stressful…”

“Being open with someone?” Wangji nodded. “It is. But, maybe take into consideration, that you’re talking pretty openly right now.”

Wangji looked at him, “Oh… Yeah, I guess.”

“Was it hard?”

“Only trying to not give specifics.”

Wuxian smiled, “Good start. For all you know, you’ve probably been more open than you’ve realized.”

“I don’t know about _that_.”

“You called me that one time,” Wuxian reminded him. “Reaching out when you need counts too. In no time you’ll be telling one of your friends exactly what you’re feeling,” he pushed his shoulder playfully. “Look at you go.”

Wangji considered. He felt like Wuxian was different, so did it really count? “Do you have a person?”

“A person?”

“That you go to? To talk?” Wangji paused. “You have a lot of friends.”

“Oh, uhm,” Wangji hummed. “Wen Qing! And Zixuan, but don’t tell him that. He’ll get a big head if he realizes how close we are… But I do go to my other friends for certain things. I may not know what they’ll say, but sometimes I just _know_ that, let’s say Sizhui, will know _exactly_ what I need to hear, whereas Wen Ning won’t. And in another situation, Wen Ning would be the _only_ person to push me along. Y’know?” Wangji nodded but was silent. “ _If_ you were to go talk to someone, assuming there was _nothing_ to stop you from going to them, do you know who you would go to?”

Wangji looked down at his hands, where he had been mindlessly turning his phone over repeatedly. “Mianmian,” he looked up at Wuxian, “and you.”

Wuxian dropped back into the door, his hand over his chest, “ _Lan Zhan_ ,” he drew out the name. “Bestill my heart!” He threw his arms forward and gripped the dash and yelled, “ _AHHHHHH!_ ”

“Ah, Wei Ying,” Wangji chuckled and looked away, “Stop, stop.”

“Oh _please_ ,” he shook Wangji by his shoulders for a moment. “Oh I’m going to scream.”

“You already did,” Wangji was amused. 

“I’m going to _cry_ , okay, okay,” Wuxian fixed his hair and repositioned himself to sit neatly facing Wangji. “I’m good, I’m fine. I’m fucking _honored_ , but I’m fine.”

Wangji rolled his eyes but was unable to stop himself from smiling. 

“Listen to me Lan Zhan,” Wuxian started. “You can _absolutely_ talk to me. About _whatever_ . If you want to just have someone on the phone with you, that’s fine. Call me. It’s okay. If you need to talk about the trivial things, that’s fine. Anything else, also fine, just call me. _Also_ , Mianmian? Perfect person to talk to, especially if you’re not sure about saying the words out loud to a _soul_ , definitely go to Mianmian. God, she is an amazing person to confide in. 10/10 recommend. Definitely. About anything. Hell, you could hit her with the big things out of nowhere, and she won’t even _blink_.”

“Are you two still close?”

“Oh, no,” Wuxian answered. “But we’re not… Not close… We just don’t talk as much as we used to? I’d still trust her with my life. I just don’t know everything that’s happening in hers anymore. She’s probably closest to me and Zixuan out of the rest of our friend group. Did you know she dated my sister once?”

“I,” Wangji blinked. “No, no I did not know that. Tell me more.”


	49. Beans Can Break Pt. 2

today SUCKED 

wen ning sweetie 

  


Zizhen sat quietly at this desk, earbuds in, blocking out the world, his attention focused on the reading before him. It was probably the most studious he had ever been in his Philosophy course. He alternated between his pen and his highlighter, writing notes both in his notebook and textbook. 

The whole scene threw Jin Ling off. He watched him from his own desk in utter confusion. It had been two hours, and he hadn’t made one comment out loud. Didn’t sigh once. Silence. Occasionally he held his head in his hands while he read but that was it.

Zizhen has been more than just quiet the last couple days. He was distant. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to watch their Netflix shows. He didn’t even want to discuss his homework. 

For once, Jin Ling didn’t have to ask Zizhen to plug in his headphones while he was studying, because… They already were. And for once, Jin Ling couldn’t hear the music from the earbuds anyways. 

It was quiet, and that bothered Jin Ling. Quiet was not in Zizhen’s vocabulary most days.

“Zizhen,” Jin Ling called. Zizhen flipped a page, his finger following along where he read. “Zizhen!”

Zizhen looked up, pulling out an earbud. “Hm?”

“You alright?”

Zizhen blinked. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You haven’t talked in like… two days, besides ‘good morning’, ‘see you later’, and ‘goodnight’,” Jin Ling pointed out. 

“I’m just busy.”

“But you look sad.”

“I’m just busy.” Zizhen repeated. “Is… that it?”

“... Yeah…”

“Okay,” Zizhen nodded and calmly went back to his reading, biting the end of his pen. 

Jin Ling was uncomfortable leaving it at that, but he could see that Zizhen really was not in favor of talking. 

But he figured it was Friday night. Maybe going out for pizza with everyone would be a nice break away from his work.

  


Jin Ling watched as Zizhen glanced at his phone as the messages came in. And watched as he went back to his assignment. “I’m okay,” Zizhen replied quietly, feeling Jin Ling’s eyes on him. “I need to do this. Have fun though.”

He’ll bring Zizhen some pizza back; make sure he actually eats something. Maybe the other two knew what was going on. They both looked particularly awkward and sad themselves this week. Maybe they knew why Zizhen was sad. 

jiang cheng ToT 

  
  


Sizhui danced in his seat as he practically dumped grated cheese over the three slices on his plate, a small smile on his face. Jingyi watched him carefully, “...Can I have that when you’re done?”

“Mhm!” He gave one more shake before passing it to Jingyi. “What a good idea, Jin Ling,” he picked up a slice carefully. 

“I feel like I haven’t seen you guys all week.” Jin Ling said. 

“I saw you in Economics,” Jingyi pointed out.

“That doesn’t count,” Jin Ling announced. “We didn’t even talk before or after class.”

“Mn,” Jingyi chewed before speaking, “I’ve been busy.”

“Did you find what you were looking for,” Jin Ling asked, giving him a pointed look. 

“No, I found something else though,” Jingyi replied. “What do you know about Lan Qiren?”

“Jingyi,” Sizhui looked at him in surprise from across the table. 

“What? He saw me.”

“I don’t have any details,” Jin Ling shrugged, grabbing a napkin. “I know that he has some… Arrangement with my Uncle but I don’t know anything else about it.”

“Would Zixuan know?”

“Not sure,” Jin Ling hummed. “Maybe? Do you want me to ask him?”

“No, no,” Jingyi shook his head. “It’s fine.”

“I’ll ask,” Jin Ling pulled his phone out.

“Don’t do that,” Sizhui went to stop him. 

“He already knows too,” Jin Ling replied, dialing his number anyways. “He asked me about it.”

“Y’know, I thought you and your cousins pretended to not know each other that well, but here you and Zixuan are,” Sizhui pointed out.

“Turns out this one is alright,” he said, putting the phone on speaker, turning it down slightly so only their table could hear.

“Hello?” Zixuan answered the phone. “Whaddya want, kid?”

“What the hell is that noise,” Jin Ling made a disgusted face. 

“Jiang Cheng singing,” Zixuan said grimly. “He’s embarrassing me, Jin Ling. Wait, is this Jin Ling?” They heard some shuffling; probably Zixuan trying to look at his phone. “Oh! Hi!”

“... Are you drunk?”

“Not enough,” Zixuan sighed. “Wuxian that is _mine_ ,” he practically yelled into the phone.

“Then buy me one,” they heard Wuxian whine. “Who is that, is that my sister? I wanna talk to her!” The phone _definitely_ fell on the ground. 

“ _Wuxian_ ,” Zixuan groaned. 

“Sorry, sorry,” a pause. “Hello?”

“Hi Wuxian,” Jin Ling sighed.

“It’s not her, here you go,” Wuxian said to Zixuan.

Zixuan sighed heavily into the phone. “Anyways. ‘Sup?”

“Jingyi and Sizhui are here. I wanted to ask you a question.”

“Sure. Shoot.”

“Do you have any details about Lan Qiren,” Jin Ling asked slowly. 

“Lan Qiren?” Zixuan hummed loudly, slowly matching the song. He refocused, “Well he’s mean for one.” Jin Ling sighed. 

“Just let it go,” Sizhui whispered.

“ _No_ , Zixuan,” Jin Ling ran a hand over his face. “Whatever arrangement he has with Guangshan.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Zixuan laughed. “Don’t have too many details. I moved out; he tells me jack shit now y’know. But it’s some money deal or somethin’.”

“A money deal,” Jingyi looked at Sizhui in confusion. 

“Mn,” Zixuan confirmed. “Gotta do with property I think. Dunno. That it?”

“That’s it.”

“ _Okay_ ,” Zixuan sang out. “Have a goodnight you small adults.”

“Shut up. Goodnight,” Jin Ling hung up.

“Wow.” Jingyi picked up his pizza again. “Well they’re having fun I guess.”

“So what’s your move,” Jin Ling asked, leaning back in his chair. 

“With that? Nothing so far,” Jingyi announced. “I have to think about that one. But Wen Chao... I have a plan.”

“Am I allowed to know about it?”

“Not yet,” Jingyi replied. “Thanks for covering for me with Zixun though,” Jingyi added. 

“You’re both stressing me out,” Sizhui started his second piece of pizza.

“Sorry,” they both apologized, dropping it.

Jin Ling changed the subject. “Hey, do you guys know what’s up with Zizhen?” Sizhui hung his head in defeat for a moment before putting his pizza down. Jingyi bit the inside of his cheek. “What? What happened?”

Jingyi answered, “Nothing.”

“Well that’s bullshit,” Jin Ling countered. “You guys all look sad as shit. Did you guys fight or something? We argue with Zizhen all the time. What did he say to you guys this time?”

“Can we just not talk about it right now?” Jingyi sighed. He was already painfully aware that Zizhen didn’t come because he was here. He glanced at Sizhui who was hunched over his cup, sipping his soda, lost in thought. 

Sizhui couldn’t stop his mind from going back to Monday night. 

He thought about when he laid down in front of Zizhen, and tangled their legs together while Jingyi hugged him from behind. He remembers forcing himself to say, “It’s okay, Zizhen…”

He remembered watching Zizhen try to keep his face expressionless. But he clenched and unclenched his jaw anxiously, his eyes watered. He gave the tiniest shake of his head, a strand of hair falling forward. 

He had traced Zizhen’s bottom lip. He wasn’t sure he would be able to stop him from the inevitable. All he could do was sit here with him. So he had brushed back his hair. Zizhen was more scared for Sizhui and Jingyi than Sizhui had expected. Sizhui knew one day that everything would either blow up in his and Jingyi’s face, or they would call it off before that happened. 

Zizhen even knew this. And Sizhui knew now that Zizhen was placing heavy blame on himself for bringing attention to the two of them so early on. 

It’s true that becoming as close as they did to Zizhen brought Jingyi out of his shell and encouraged him to be loud(er) and embrace his inner chaotic gay. 

It’s true that befriending Zizhen eased the anxiety Sizhui felt when he thought that _maybe_ the things he would do or say would be perceived as gay. 

It’s true that maybe they got a little _too_ comfortable and familiar with living life the way Zizhen did. 

Because the truth was, they were Lans. Not Ouyangs. They were from Cloud Recesses. Not from Baling. Things were not the same for them. Yet. 

Part of Sizhui didn’t care though. It was likely he wasn’t going to be staying around the Greater Cloud Recesses area forever anyways. He’d rather be himself at the end of everything. 

Zizhen had squeezed his eyes shut when Jingyi sat up. “I’m sorry,” he breathed out. “I’m really sorry.”

And Zizhen had broken down. Jingyi had looked at Sizhui with worry before he curled up against Zizhen, squeezing his own eyes shut. Zizhen let Jingyi hold onto him tightly.

Sizhui hated seeing his best friend beat himself up like this. He’d prefer to see Zizhen react in his Zizhen-way. With anger, and annoyance, and declaring vengeance. Which would just be nasty looks from across a room. Subtweeting probably. Grumbles under his breath. 

Not this. Not crying. Not sharp inhales. Not him shaking his head while Sizhui tried to wipe his face. Not him trying to _hide_ his face from Sizhui. 

Not this. 

Sizhui looked at Jin Ling tiredly. “Why don’t you tell us about your week instead?” He gave Jin Ling a small smile. 


	50. Friday Night Karaoke Chaos

To say the “karaoke-off” was going well was an _understatement_. It wasn’t a competition by any means though. They were all already feeling it by the time they were picking a song. Which, naturally, just led to them going to Huaisang’s favorite karaoke song. 

Huaisang single handedly started karaoke night off with a great start, “ _I was cheated by you, and I think you know when. So I made up my mind, it must come to an end.”_

“ _Look at me now, will I ever learn? I don’t know how, but I suddenly lose control. There’s a fire within my soul_ ,” Wuxian sang out.

A couple people shouted with them, “ _Just one look-”_

_“- and I can hear the bell ring,”_ Huaisang continued. 

Again, “ _One more look-”_

“- _and I forget everything,_ ” Wuxian started dancing. 

_[Mamma mia](https://open.spotify.com/track/4nI8e3fy1hHvhCvJURv5JI?si=1a80063cf58b4081), here I go again _

_My my, how can I resist you?_

_Mamma mia, does it show again_

_My my, just how much I’ve missed you_?

Wuxian and Huaisang were having the absolute time of their life, singing dramatically and dancing around their friends, singing directly at them, all in an attempt to get them as riled up as they were. 

When someone else was up and singing, they kept singing and dancing until they got Jiang Cheng to finally break and join them. And then with some effort, and quite literally dragging Zixuan up, they got him so fully engaged that he huddled them around to figure out how to get Wen Ning to do _something_. 

“Genius,” Jiang Cheng laughed out while Huaisang and Wuxian rushed to get the right rendition of the song they needed. It had to _specifically_ be from the Happy Feet soundtrack. “Even if it doesn’t work.”

“Oh no, no,” Zixuan shook his head, “It _will_ work.”

It didn’t matter that Wen Ning never participated in karaoke in public. It was his favorite movie. And if there was _one_ song he’d consider singing even a fraction of in public, it was this one. 

[ _We have to find our heart songs all by ourselves_ . ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6wOkR1UBpDP2HDX9GntWMi?si=f12de74da0f44bcf)

Wen Ning’s head shot up from looking down at his phone. 

_It’s the voice you hear inside, who you truly are._

Zixuan positioned himself in the center of his friends, and cleared his throat, straightened his back and said with conviction, “Raise your voices brothers! Give praise to the Great ‘Guin!” He motioned to Wen Ning, “Who puts songs in our hearts!” 

Wen Ning laughed out and hit his hand on the table excitedly. 

Wuxian took center. _“You might make a different song, oh yes, that’s right it’s true. That don’t make anybody more or less as good as you. If you can’t feel the music then that’s all you really need. Then turn this party all the way out, good time guaranteed-”_

Huaisang, Jiang Cheng, and Zixuan took it upon themselves to sing all the background vocals, “ _Everybody get up! Clap your hands!.... Get up out your seat!”_

Wuxian looked at them in surprise. He really wasn’t expecting them to follow along with the song exactly. But, then again, it was Wen Ning’s favorite movie, and he made them all watch it more than any of them would care to admit. “ _And wave your flag, because everybody plays a part.”_ Wuxian gave it his all, “ _One world united singing the song of the heart!”_

Huaisang waited his whole life to sing this song with all of his friends, “ _Ooooooh_ ,” he sang alongside Wuxian. “ _The song. The song of the heart. The song. The song of the heart.”_

Wuxian prayed he would remember this all in the morning, “ _Look, everybody makes mistakes- oh yeah, not one or two-”_

“- _Right,_ ” the rest of them bopped around, leaning in everytime the song required them to, “ _You tell ‘em! Step aside little babies-”_

_“And watch me do my thing!”_ Wuxian struck a pose. 

What they didn’t realize, that out of all of them, Zixuan was the one who knew the movie and could recite the movie just as well as Wen Ning with how often he would watch it at their apartment. So while they all forgot, Zixuan channeled his inner Memphis, “ _Think I’m gonna dance now!”_

All of them burst out in laughter, tears sprouting from Jiang Cheng’s eyes. He couldn’t continue at the rate he was laughing.

Regardless they all inched closer and closer to Wen Ning, who, while thoroughly enjoying what was happening, was also entirely aware of what they were doing when Wuxian put his arm around him, “ _I don’t care what the people say. This is my life! I just got to like that okay? They can go fly their momma’s kite, hooray!”_

“No, no,” he said. 

“Sing it Mrs. Astrakhan,” Jiang Cheng called out. Some people whooped. 

“Now,” Zixuan encouraged, “Now…,” he egged him on, hoping he would pull through. 

Wen Ning eyed the mic, taking a deep breathe, “ _Nooooooooow_ ,” he belted out that high note with perfection. His friends weren’t the only ones screaming and cheering in excitement from it. People were too busy reacting to even remember the song was going. Except Wen Ning, who took the mic, and ran with it. 

They waited until he finished, and just in time with the song, “ _We got it!!!!!!!”_

Wuxian and Huaisang jumped in place, “That vocal _agility_ ,” Huaisang yelled in surprise as Wuxian and Wen Ning took it upon themselves to finish the song, Zixuan and Jiang Cheng continuing the adlibs, everyone clapping and dancing, people around the bar, fully engaged and joining them.

“ _The song of the heart_ ,” they all finished on a high. 

Zixuan though, kept going, “ _To the left! To the right! I’m getting it! Oh yeah! Look out! Oh here I go! I got it! I got it! I don’t! I had it!”_

Jiang Cheng skipped laughing and went straight to wheezing, “ _Oh my stomach hurts, I gotta pee_.” He wiped his eyes, still laughing, “Okay, but really…. Oh fucking hell I’m dizzy,” he laughed. 

Wen Ning shook his head, “Who even-”

“At your service, Great ‘Guin,” Zixuan bowed. 

“Can we have a Happy Feet marathon tomorrow,” Wen Ning asked seriously. 

“For those high notes you can keep it on the TV for the rest of the week,” Zixuan pointed out. 

“You goddamn _legend_ ,” Wuxian said in awe. “King shit.”

not noah the elder hdsjjsjs 

  
  


ok but what’s his favorite movie 

  


Zixuan answered his phone, stopping some conversation he really didn’t want to be having at the bar. “Hello? Whaddya want, kid?”

“What the hell is that noise?”

Zixuan looked over at Jiang singing with some random guy, both drunk and off key. “Jiang Cheng singing,” he said sadly. “He’s embarrassing me, Jin Ling.” Wait, was it Jin Ling? He checked his phone. “Oh! Hi!”

“Are you drunk?”

Zixuan glanced over at his friends. Wen Ning talking with Huaisang and someone from their Ethical Response class, Wuxian off to the side dancing. “Not enough,” he pouted. Wuxian reached down from where he was dancing and picked up Zixuan’s drink that he just got. “Wuxian that is mine!!”

“Then buy me one!” He whined before he gasped and rushed for him. “Who is that? Is that my sister? I wanna talk to her!” He reached excitedly for the phone only to knock it out of Zixuan’s hand. 

“Wuxian!” He drooped his shoulders in annoyance as Wuxian rushed to pick it up.

“Sorry, sorry…” He wiped the phone down and confirmed nothing broke. “Hello?.......” he frowned and thrust the phone back into Zixuan’s hand. “It’s not her… Here you go.”

He rolled his eyes. “Any _ways_. ‘Sup?”

Zixuan listened to the freshmen on the other end of the call. He tried to focus on what they were saying despite all the noise and wanting to go back over to where Wen Ning and Huaisang were. Huaisang doubled over in laughter. “Lan Qiren?” He pictured Noah the Elder and chuckled. “Well, he’s mean for one.”

“No, Zixuan,” Jin Ling sighed. _Not_ Noah the Elder. 

Zixuan wasn’t really sure why they wanted to know about his dad and Lan Qiren. He didn’t know anything about it. Just that it had to be kept quiet about. But hey, if Jingyi wanted to expose them or something, then so be it. As long as he was kept out of it. 

“Where’d you go,” Huaisang pouted when Zixuan rejoined them. 

“Freshmen Four,” he shook his phone before pocketing it. 

“‘Ts gross in here.” Huaisang grabbed his sleeve and started pulling him along. “Letsgo outside!” 

Zixuan took _his_ drink from Wuxian’s hand and downed half of it, before actually letting Huaisang drag him outside. Wuxian whined and snatched it back before Zixuan was too far out of reach. 

“You’re _drunk_ ,” Zixuan stated with a chuckle letting Huaisang stumble along in front of him. 

Huaisang stopped in his tracks. “You’re not.”

“Not drunk drunk.” Zixuan shook his head. “Unlike you, I took a water break.”

“Oh… Still wanna get shitfaced?” Huaisang referenced what Zixuan had told them all earlier.

“Mn,” Zixuan nodded once. Huaisang was still holding onto his sleeve. 

“Come,” he instead pulled Zixuan to the bar. “Honey whiskey,” he leaned over to tell the bartender. “Keep ‘em comin’, please.” He looked at Zixuan, determined. 

“Oh, ho,” Zixuan watched the shot glasses lined up. 

“Get shitfaced, Zixuan

drink water 

Home. 

busY 

  


time to gather his messy friends 

Wen Ning was running around herding his friends to the same section of the bar so they could all leave. It was not out of the question for Huaisang or Jiang Cheng to end up outside for some reason or another. And he had to keep an eye on Wuxian and Zixuan to keep them from leaving with strangers. 

Wen Ning was already dragging Jiang Cheng back inside by his hand. “We can go on an adventure later,” he told Jiang Cheng. 

“When ’m not so wobbly,” Jiang Cheng stated with confidence.

“ _Exactly_ ,” Wen Ning agreed, nearing Zixuan.

Zixuan had some girl hanging all over him, Wen Ning rolled eyes and pulled Jiang Cheng along. Wen Ning had no idea who she was, but she was always here, always draping herself over Zixuan at the end of the night. He looked entirely disinterested

“Sit,” Wen Ning instructed Jiang Cheng. 

“Pout,” Jiang Cheng said back to him, pointing to Huaisang. 

“Drink your water,” Wen Ning told the smaller man. 

“I wanna dance. This is too slow,” he replied. “ _Too_ slow.”

“I’ll dance with you,” Jiang Cheng ate a fry. Wen Ning wasn’t even sure if those were theirs or someone else’s at this rate. 

“It’s too slow, Jiang Cheng,” Huaisang shouted. 

“I need to find Wuxian. Stay here, and then we can go home. You can dance at home,” Wen Ning pointed out.

“I _guess_ ,” Huaisang huffed as Wen Ning walked away. He heard Huaisang gasp loudly as the song change, “I _love_ this song.” He turned to look at the person singing and it was of the quiet girls from his Classical Composers course. It was likely she went up since most of the bar had been cleared out. “Yes Franz Liszt, sing!” He yelled.

“Who the fuck is Franz Listst,” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“Be quiet, you uncultured swine, I’m _listening_ ,” Huaisang turned to face the girl. 

“Liszt-ening?” Jiang Cheng mumbled to himself

wangji is driving 

Huaisang sang dramatically while the girl from his class sang. “ _For as long as I live, and as long as I love.[I will never not think about you](https://open.spotify.com/track/4fFfyouye6vrX9o9z4PVMu?si=e4ca38d628a745a0) _ ,” he reached for Jiang Cheng, pulling him in. “ _You,_ ” he grabbed Zixuan’s arm, “ _Mmm! I will never not think about you!_ ” 

Huaisang sang with all his might, “ _From the moment I laughed, I knew you were the one!”_ He let go of them and spun away to face them both head on. “ _And no matter what I do! Ooh! Mmm! I will never not think about you!”_

Wangji walked up to Wen Ning who was trying to coax Wuxian into standing while Huaisang sang his heart out. “Wuxian, we’re leaving.”

“ _No_ ,” he grumbled over his phone. “Lan Zhan din’t answer. ‘M gonna make sure he’s not comin’ first!”

“Wei Ying,” Wangji spoke up. 

Wuxian gasped, breaking out into a smile. “ _Lan Zhan!_ ”

“Ah, sorry,” Wen Ning said to him. “I didn’t realize he asked you to come get him.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Hey,” Jiang Cheng nudged Zixuan, pushing him just a bit too hard. Zixuan grabbed onto Huaisang’s arm to stop himself from stumbling. 

Huaisang threw his arms around Zixuan, “ _To the room! In my heart with the memories we made!”_

“‘Sn’t it past You-Know-Who’s curfew?” Jiang Cheng asked.

Zixuan looked at Jiang Cheng. “Voldemort?” Jiang Cheng pointed to Wangji.

Huaisang kept moving with them as they walked, turning his attention to Wen Ning, reaching out, “ _There’s no way I could ever forget! Mmm-mmm-mmm!”_

“I’ll drive him,” Wangji told Wen Ning.

“Thanks,” Wen Ning sighed, ignoring Huaisang even though he was clutching his robes while he sang. “Come on,” Wen Ning motioned to Jiang Cheng and Zixuan who were straying off. “We’re going home.”

“’m hungry,” Jiang Cheng whined.

“Not tired,” Zixuan announced. “Can we do somethin’ else?”

“ _Ooh_ ,” Huaisang suddenly stopped singing. “Musical marathon?”

“Sure,” Wen Ning dragged them out. 

“‘m gonna make a cake too,” Huaisang held onto Wen Ning’s hand. 

“Lan Zhan you came,” he frowned. 

“I did.”

“‘t’s past your curfew,” he pouted. 

“Mn. Yours too,” he held out his hand. “Come on.”

Wuxian let Wangji pull him up. “‘M sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Wangji walked with him, holding his hand still. 

“You sneak out?”

“No,” Wangji held the door open for Wuxian. “Uncle and Xichen were asleep. I just walked out.”

“Wanna have a sleepover,” Wuxian asked again, stumbling here and there. 

Wangji didn’t let go of his hand. “I think you should go to sleep.”

“I will!” Wuxian held up his hand to make the promise. “‘Nd you will! ‘Nd you’ll wake up early ‘nd be home before anyone’ll realize!” Wangji didn’t reply. It was a thought. To get home before his uncle and brother woke up. “Don’t wanna sleep though,” he pouted again. “I wanna stay up _all_ night.”

“Maybe another night,” Wangji opened the passenger door and let Wuxian pull himself clumsily in. “You should sleep first.” Wangji took the seat belt and reached over Wuxian to buckle him in. 

He was so close to Wangji. It was unbelievable how close he was to Wangji just then. He was just about to reach out for him when Wangji pulled himself back and gently closed the door. Wuxian pouted and crossed his arms. He wanted to touch his pretty face. 

“Here,” Wangji said softly, handing Wuxian a bottle of water. 

Wuxian hugged it to his chest. “Lan Zhan,” he pouted. 

“Drink it, Wei Ying, don’t hug it,” Wangji smirked, starting the car.

“Are you gonna have a sleepover with me,” Wuxian asked again. 

“No,” Wangji pulled out of the parking lot. “But I’ll stay for a bit.” He glanced over to see Wuxian frowning. “I’ll sleepover another night.”

“You promise?”

Wangji thought. He wanted to. He’s wanted to. He has stayed over his friends' houses before. This didn’t need to be any different. Of course, it would be. Just a bit. But it didn’t need to mean anything more than a sleepover. They could eat snacks. Watch scary movies and ghost shows. Listen to music. Maybe do homework. Go to sleep. “I promise, Wei Ying.”

Wuxian held up his pinkie. Their eyes met. Maybe soon. 

Wangji completed the pinkie promise. 

Yeah… Soon.

  


“Wei Ying,” Wangji started slowly. “I think it’s time you go to sleep.” He had only just managed to convince him to change and brush his teeth.

“Mn,” Wuxian nodded. 

“Tired now?”

“Mn.”

“Go lie down,” Wangji said. “I’ll get you water so you have some when you wake up.”

“‘Kay.”

Maybe Wangji would go next time. Just to see what happens at these things.

Or… Well, no, he wasn’t sure he wanted to go. But maybe he would hang out with Wuxian’s friends next time Wuxian asked. He wanted to do that. At least once. Just to see. What it was like, and if he even fit in with them. He was almost positive he wouldn’t but despite how similar all of them were, they all seemed so different as well. 

“Wei Ying,” Wangji walked to the couch where Wuxian had settled down instead. He placed the cup on the coffee table and sat on the floor facing him. “You want to sleep here?”

“Mhm,” Wuxian blinked slowly and watched Wangji grab the folded blanket from under the coffee table. He leaned forward to drape it over Wuxian. “Comfy,” he mumbled, hugging the pillow.

“Good.” Wangji looked down briefly, unsure of what his next move should be. He extended his hand again and brushed Wuxian’s hair back before pulling the blanket over his shoulder. “Go to sleep Wei Ying,” he said quietly, sitting back down on the floor, closer.

“Uh-uh.”

“Why not?”

Wuxian pulled the blanket over his mouth and nose and hummed loudly in thought. Wangji was… 

It just wasn’t fair. Wangji was so…

How was he before Wuxian texted him? Did he get changed again just to come out and bring him home? Or had he never gotten ready for bed because he was too absorbed in reading? His hair pieces were still in. It was likely… 

His hair was… perfect. Not a piece could be seen out of place. Did he fix it before he left? Does he lie down when he reads? Wuxian liked to think he did. Tangled up in blankets, the book held before his face, or held up above him. Never on his tummy while he read. He didn’t seem like the type to do that often. Unless maybe he had been lying down for hours reading… He would look just as…

“Pretty,” Wuxian said under the blanket.

“Hm? What was that,” Wangji leaned forward. 

Wuxian lowered the blanket slightly. “You’re pretty.” He pulled the blanket back and giggled into it.

Wangji watched as he squirmed a bit under the blanket, still letting out small giggles. His glassy eyes watching Wangji with a near sober intensity. “Close your eyes then,” he offered, fighting back a smile. 

“Uh-uh.”

“Uh-huh.”

Wuxian lowered the blanket, “ _No_ ,” he partially hid his face again. “Want to see you.”

“You can see me later.”

“Now.”

“I can’t stay,” Wangji replied quietly. All but Wuxian’s eyes were covered but they told him exactly how he felt about that. “Not this time.”

“I know,” he mumbled.

“If you don’t close your eyes, you’ll have to see me leave,” Wangji pointed out softly. Wuxian continued to watch Wangji regardless, despite how tired he looked. Wangji sighed and reached out. He gently placed his hand over Wuxian’s eyes. 

He waited a moment before sitting back again, Wuxian’s eyes closed. 

He was right. He would be a lot sadder actually watching Wangji leave. He felt himself drifting off to sleep already with his eyes closed. But he felt like Wangji already left. He tried to open his heavy eyes to check. 

Wangji tilted his head. “Hm?”

“Too quiet,” Wuxian mumbled in exhaustion. “Talk.”

“I don’t…” What was he supposed to say? “Uhm.”

“Sing.” Wuxian curled into the blanket, letting his muscles relax into the couch.

Wangji hummed slowly first. Quietly. “ _Lost myself, 17. Then you came, found me. No other magic, could ever compare…”_

Wuxian inhaled slowly, deeply. Wangji was quiet. And his voice was soft. Careful even. It was relaxing. And it made Wuxian feel better about being alone. Because at this current moment he was not. 

“ _For as long as I live and as long as I love. I will never not think about you. You, mmm, I will never not think about you,”_ Wangji leaned back into the coffee table. 

Wuxian looked small with the way he was curled up on the couch. His breathing slowed as Wangji sang to him, the hand that kept the blanket pulled over half his face eventually went slack. “ _Looking back, didn’t we have fun? Didn’t we have fun? We were so beautiful. We were so tragic. No other magic. Could ever compare._ ”

Wangji blinked and waited a couple minutes. Wuxian didn’t move. His eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks every so often. His lips only slightly parted. His dark hair splayed out behind him. 

“You’re pretty too.” Wangji whispered. 

* * *

Wen Ning rolled out of bed tiredly. He opened his door carefully and padded down the short hallway. He needed to make _sure_ Jiang Cheng was asleep. 

He wasn’t feeling too great so he insisted on sleeping in the living room because it was cooler out there than Wen Ning’s room. 

Maybe that worked out well in his favor. But also maybe not. 

The living room was dark but Wen Ning was still able to make out where everything was.

Jiang Cheng was still knocked out, and luckily for Wen Ning, Jiang Cheng had his phone and headphones on the floor beside him. 

Wen Ning crouched down and took the earbuds, slowly placing them in Jiang Cheng’s ears. He punched in Jiang Cheng’s password and put on his usual playlist; the volume low enough to not wake him up. 

Wen Ning slouched down into the armchair, putting in his own earbuds and hugging the pillow to his chest. He figured he’d stay in the living for a bit in case Jiang Cheng did wake up. He closed his eyes for a while. 

* * *

Zizhen was wide awake. He had been lying there for hours. Tossing, and turning. And fucking thinking.

He didn’t end up eating the pizza that Jin Ling brought home. He just wasn’t hungry. He promised to eat it the next day. He made _sure_ to at least thank Jin Ling for thinking about him while he was out. 

While Jin Ling showered he got into bed. And when he came back, he pretended to be asleep.

But Jin Ling knew he wasn’t. And he knew he wasn’t each time he woke up briefly. 

The first time he woke up, he saw the light from Zizhen’s phone. 

The second time he woke up he heard Zizhen turning and repositioning himself for a solid few minutes. Slowly. He tended to be an aggressive turner. Completely lift himself and flop to the other side. But this was different. 

And the third time, Zizhen must’ve been frustrated as he actually was moving back and forth on the floor from what Jin Ling could hear. 

Jin Ling pushed himself up and glanced at his phone. Nearly 4am. “Zizhen,” Jin Ling’s voice was as tired as he was. Zizhen stopped moving. He sighed, “I know you’re awake.”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing,” Jin Ling rubbed his eyes and blinked hard to adjust to the darkness. 

“Making my bed… Sorry if I woke you up.” 

“Why are you making your bed at 4am?”

Zizhen started, “I can’t sleep. I figured maybe if I made my bed again, it would work? It was a stupid idea…”

“It’s not,” Jin Ling replied. 

“I’ll be quieter, sorry,” Zizhen apologized.

“Come here.”

“What?”

“Come here.”

“Why?”

“Come sleep here,” Jin Ling offered. 

“To... to cuddle?”

Jin Ling didn’t need the lights on to know how Zizhen was looking at him. He was sure he looked just like that stupid emoji, big eyes and all. “Will that help you sleep?”

“Maybe?”

“Well come on then,” Jin Ling huffed. “Stop standing there.” He grumbled and got comfortable again, facing the wall and hugging his blankets. 

Zizhen shuffled over quickly, using Jin Ling’s chair to climb up onto the raised bed. He was only halfway under the covers when he froze. “Jin Ling…”

“What,” he groaned. 

“Was that a ‘yes’ to cuddling?”

“Yes,” he grumbled tiredly. 

Jin Ling doesn’t cuddle though. He’s pretty sure he’s never cuddled anyone before. Not properly. But he’s always wanted to cuddle, not that he’d ever admit that to anyone. He just wasn’t sure he knew how. What was he supposed to do? Wait, was he supposed to be the big spoon? He doesn’t cuddle. He wasn’t sure. 

But Zizhen loves cuddling. Jin Ling didn’t need to do anything because before he could even move, or ask (not that he’d ever), Zizhen was already, and effortlessly fitting his body to Jin Ling’s. 

This was… different… This was different from all the times Zizhen had crawled into his bed to jokingly cuddle. Those times Zizhen would hug him before rolling away. Or dramatically laying over Jin Ling until he was pushed off. Or just lying next to him. 

Zizhen pulled his leg up to rest beneath Jin Ling’s. His arm under Jin Ling’s, pulling Jin Ling’s back against him. 

This was a lot more touching than Jin Ling realized. Maybe this was a bad idea. Zizhen stopped settling in and peered down at Jin Ling when his body language changed. 

Jin Ling had lifted his arm just slightly away from Zizhen, looking down where Zizhen held onto him. He was noticeably tense. “Jin Ling?”

“Hm?”

“You okay,” Zizhen asked cautiously.

“Mhm.” He didn’t even seem to be breathing. His fingers moved slightly, tightening just barely into a fist and releasing. 

“No you’re not,” Zizhen said for him. Zizhen pushed back about as far as the bed would allow. 

Jin Ling grabbed onto his hand before he fully let him go. “Wait.” He tightened his grip on Zizhen’s hand and pulled him back towards him a bit. “It’s fine.”

“You-”

“It’s fine,” Jin Ling placed Zizhen’s arm back around him. Zizhen hesitated but relaxed, not as close as he initially was, but still close enough to keep his arm around Jin Ling’s waist. Jin Ling let out a breath. This was fine. “Night…” 

“... Goodnight…” 

Zizhen passed out within minutes. 

* * *

morning updates... i am lwj 

  


Zixuan woke up with a start with a loud bang somewhere in his apartment. 

What the fuck time was it? Zixuan peered around the room, reaching up to let his hair down from the messy bun. And where the hell was his phone?

Zixuan groaned and pulled himself to the edge of his bed to drink the water by his bedside. He held his head between his hands, his hair falling to curtain around him. “Fuck,” he sighed. 

He really needed to stop doing this. Every time he vowed to never get that drunk again, he did exactly that. He always woke up confused and second guessing everything he did the night before. There were more productive ways to go about things but here he was. 

He sighed and grabbed a robe from his closet. He tied it tightly over his bare waist trying to recall everything. _Whiskey. Honey whiskey_. Zixuan felt nauseous. Yeah, no, this was the last time he was doing this. He would never get drunk again. Not like this.

He padded around his room gathering the clothes that were thrown on the floor until he found his phone. He tossed the clothes onto his bed. Well… at least it wasn’t _too_ late in the day. It wasn’t even 1pm yet. No calls incoming or outgoing.There were just a few texts from Yanli, one from one of his cousins, and.... Zhang Yu. 

He did not want to talk to her right now.

He ignored them all for the moment.

He checked his social media quickly to make sure he didn’t post anything he shouldn’t have. Once he confirmed that he didn’t have to do any sort of damage control…

He compiled all of his bedding in his arms and set off to start a load of laundry. He took the clothes from last night and threw them in his basket to start after his sheets were done. He could hear Wen Ning watching Happy Feet in the living room, taking up Zixuan on his promise. 

He was sure he gave Wen Ning a hell of a time last night. He would face him after he looked presentable.

He turned the water on in the shower and looked at himself in the mirror. 

His hair was a mess. Bags under his eyes. He looked awful. He loosened his robe and turned away from the mirror, glancing behind to see the reflection of his exposed back. 

  
What a wreck. 


	51. Just an Update

i have to 

Jin Ling woke up feeling hot to the point of almost panicking.

Holy shit, the amount of heat Zizhen produced was outrageous. Jin Ling rolled onto his back and kicked the blankets away from him. He grunted as he pushed Zizhen away from him. 

Zizhen rolled to the edge of the bed, grumbling something unintelligible and falling back asleep. “Good god,” Jin Ling scooted to the foot of the bed and jumped down. How did his friends cuddle so often when it gets so hot? Or was that just with Zizhen? 

He was fine never having to do that again. It took him a bit to fall back asleep after telling Zizhen it was fine that he keep his arm around him but damn… He really was unprepared for how _close_ one could get if they cuddled. 

Wow he really hated that word. _Cuddle._

Cuddling felt too vulnerable. Jin Ling really hated that. 

He also really hated how _loud_ Zizhen’s ringer was. He jumped in response to it going off. Zizhen, however, didn’t seem too bothered. “ _Zizhen_ ,” he pressed. 

“Ugh,” he groaned, rolling out of Jin Ling’s bed, landing easily on his feet. He shuffled to his desk and answered the call. “Hello?” Zizhen hesitated. He didn’t even bother checking the caller ID. “Jingyi…”

a waste 

  


jingyi’s call with zizhen. 

* * *

Wen Ning ate his noodles while staring at the TV. 

Zixuan was in the kitchen, clicking back and forth between online menus for something to eat but nothing interested him. 

He ended up giving up and dropped heavily down onto the armchair in the living room, dangling his feet off the armrest. 

Wen Ning looked at Zixuan from the corner of his eye. He had slouched down and leaned his head against the back of the chair. Wen Ning bit the inside of his cheek trying to not react. 

But he snorted loudly and snickered over his bowl. “Shut up,” Zixuan grumbled. 

“You good?”

“Mn.”

“Regret getting shitfaced?”

“I’m not answering that,” Zixuan replied gruffly, crossing his arms. Wen Ning chuckled, watching him with amusement. “ _Shut up_ ,” Zixuan whined covering his face. 

“Okay.”

“I’m never doing this again,” he said into his hands. 

Wen Ning laughed out once, “You are such a liar.” Zixuan groaned in frustration. Wen Ning was right. “Here,” he held out his bowl of noodles. 

“Thanks,” Zixuan mumbled with a pout. “Can you start the movie over,” he asked quietly. 

Wen Ning smirked and grabbed the remote.

* * *

Wuxian absolutely remembered everything from the night before. And boy was he horrified looking back at the texts he sent Wangji. And he was embarrassed by what Wangji thought of the whole thing. 

He stared at his phone for the longest time, unsure of what he should say. He knew he had to apologize, but that also meant acknowledging it too. His fingers hovered over the keyboard. 

This was so embarrassing. No, no, he couldn’t do it. Best to pretend last night never happened. Best to pretend he never called Wangji pretty to his face. 

Wuxian pushed his aching body off the couch when Jiang Cheng’s vomit-induced sobs continued after several minutes of silence. 

He shuffled towards the closed door with a glass of water and knocked. “Jiang Cheng?” He opened the door slowly. “I come bearing hydration juice.”

“ _Don’t_ make me laugh,” he grumbled miserably.

“Yessir,” Wuxian sat on the floor. “Have you eaten?”

“I’d really rather not.”

“I’d really rather you did,” Wuxian replied watching Jiang take a tiny sip of water. “Consider this: a box of crackers. To eat at your leisure.”

“‘ _Leisure’_ ,” Jiang Cheng said over the glass. 

“When you retire to your sleeping chambers,” Wuxian paused. “Or expire, taking into account how you look.”

“I would dump this on your head if it didn’t taste so good,” Jiang Cheng glared.

“Yeah, yeah,” Wuxian pushed himself to a stand. “Drink the hydration juice. I’ll put the crackers in your room.”

Wuxian shifted his focus to making sure his little brother was okay. He took it upon himself to not only put the crackers and another glass of water by his bedside, but he also decided to clean Jiang Cheng’s room, and his own. Vacuum, wipe everything down. 

He didn’t bother sitting down until Jiang Cheng eventually went back to his room and rolled onto his bed. 

Wangji texted him. 

* * *

“It’s pretty nice out,” Jin Ling pointed out. 

“I know,” Zizhen said over his laptop.

“Aren’t you caught up on your homework?” Jin Ling leaned against the desk.

“Yes.” A first. 

“So what are you doing,” Jin Ling looked at the screen curiously. 

Zizhen kept scrolling. “Looking at blueprints.”

“Yes, but _why_ ,” Jin Ling rolled his eyes. “Is it extra credit for Intro to Historical Architecture?”

Zizhen paused, “No, but it should be, shouldn’t it,” he kept searching. “I’m doing it for fun.”

“For fun,” Jin Ling repeated slowly. 

“Yes,” Zizhen stopped and zoomed in on a drawing. “Oh… I wanna make this.”

“Jingyi, and I are going downtown, you should come,” Jin Ling suggested. “You literally haven’t left the room all weekend.”

“I’d rather stay here,” Zizhen pulled out a bag of popsicle sticks. He pushed his laptop to the side and set the bag in his lap. 

“Are you guys still fighting?”

Zizhen started pulling the sticks out, “I’m going to fight _you_ if you ask me that one more time.”

“Okay, whatever,” Jin Ling eyed Zizhen as he started building. “You’re such a dork,” he walked away, rolling his eyes. 

tag urself i’m mo xuanyu 

  
  



	52. Zixuan Makes A Call

the start of the new week and huaisang is miserable 

  


and hes watching les mis to top it off 

  
  


wen qing, yanli, and zixuan have a group chat? 

  
  
  


Zixuan could hear the TV before he even pulled his keys out. Wen Ning must’ve left it on from this morning. It wouldn’t have been the first time. 

But he froze momentarily in the doorway when he saw Huaisang curled up on the couch, wrapped in Wen Ning’s fluffiest blanket. “Huaisang?” Zixuan put his bag on the counter. “What are you doing here?”

Huaisang sat up; he was crying and just cried harder when he saw Zixuan. 

“Hey,” Zixuan sat on the couch and wiped Huaisang’s face, “Why are you crying? What happened?”

Huaisang hiccuped and grabbed Zixuan’s wrist, pulling away. “I _hate_ this musical. It’s too sad.” 

Zixuan glanced at the TV. “Is it Les Mis?”

Huaisang sniffled, “ _Yes_ ,” he near wailed. “It’s _awful_.”

Zixuan hummed and wiped Huaisang’s face again. “Okay, well I know something is wrong then. You only watch Les Mis when you’re trying to cry.” Huaisang struggled to breathe normally. Zixuan frowned and pulled his legs up onto the couch. “What’s up?”

Huaisang sighed loudly, “I want to drop PoliSci.”

“You always say that,” Zixuan pointed out calmly. 

“ _I know_ ,” he huffed, his eyes watering. “I got my last two responses back and, I swear to god, Zixuan if I fail this class I’m _dropping out_ of school.” Huaisang was already reaching over the side of the couch for his bag before Zixuan could even ask. “ _You_ practically wrote one of these.”

Well that wasn’t true. He just helped Huaisang sharpen it up based on his own paper the year before. Huaisang thrusted the paper into Zixuan’s hands and watched Zixuan’s face as he read through the comments. 

“Oh god,” Huaisang groaned, throwing his hands up to cover his face and fall back. “You agree with him.”

“No, no,” Zixuan went to the second page. “Actually, I disagree with this.” Huaisang sat back up with a pout. “I mean… I’m obviously not a professor. But he picked apart the most random things. Also you cited it properly in the footnotes so I don’t understand this comment,” he motioned to the bottom of the page. “That’s… Literally the title of the article… Honestly,” Zixuan looked back up. “Huaisang you have written _much_ worse and gotten the same grade.”

“Thanks I think?” Huaisang sniffled. He tightened the blanket around him. “God, Zixuan, he’s so _mean_ . I tried to talk to him about my grade after he handed these back, and he told me I’m just not cut out for this course and he cannot keep offering me extra credit since it’s ‘ _obvious I’m going to fail_ ’.”

“Talk to Mingjue,” Zixuan offered, handing the papers back to Huaisang. 

“No, no. He said he was going to talk to Mingjue after class.” Huaisang shook his head. “ He’s probably really disappointed already. These two grades just dropped me down more points. And I was finally getting my grade up. I worked _really_ hard-”

“-I know you did,” Zixuan said. “But that’s exactly why I think you should talk to Mingjue. _Not_ as your brother, but the head of the department. And that being said, he should _not_ be going to your brother to give him updates on how you’re doing? You’re an adult? He has no business knowing if it doesn’t strictly require his attention, as _head of the department_ . My dad has tried to get my professors to give him updates on me, and I had to sign a piece of paper saying it was okay before they did. Which I _didn’t_ sign, because he doesn’t need to know.”

Huaisang sniffled, “Y’know he probably just goes into the system and checks.”

“He does,” Zixuan deadpanned. “He told me after I refused to sign the paper. But Mingjue isn’t my dad. Talk to him.” 

Huaisang looked down at the papers. “Most of the notes I get back are like this though,” he mumbled. 

“Okay, but your tests and quizzes?”

Huaisang frowned, “They’re okay, sometimes.”

“Where’s your folder?” Huaisang pulled out his folder that he kept all physical graded papers in for the course. Huaisang watched Zixuan silently. Zixuan flipped through them all, taking the dates on top of each item into consideration. After quite a while Zixuan looked up at Huaisang with fire in his eyes. This wasn’t right… “Do you want me to talk to him first?”

“You’re better with words,” Huaisang mumbled. 

“No I’m not,” he pulled his phone out. “I’m just angry.”

Zixuan found Mingjue’s number and called him immediately. He motioned at Huaisang to stop looking at the papers and took them back. “Zixuan?”

“Hi,” Zixuan replied.

“What’s up?” Mingjue was noticeably confused by the sudden call. 

“I’m going to need you to let me talk for a second before you get mad at how I’m speaking to you,” Zixuan started.

“Uh, okay. But I mean, maybe don’t?”

“No, I really have to. I am asking you to put your professor hat on because Huaisang is _very_ upset and it’s not okay.”

Mingjue was quiet for a moment. “Go ahead.”

Zixuan took a deep breath. “I know that Huaisang has had some trouble with his PoliSci course and his grade hasn’t always been the greatest but he has always worked really hard to keep his grade up in the course, especially lately. I have helped him with some of these assignments because I’ve taken this course with Professor Huang. And I know that Guangyao has helped him study. He has also looked over some of his responses as well. Now I know I’m not as well versed in the topic as Guangyao is, but some things just don’t really add up from what I’m looking at.”

“Explain,” Mingjue replied. 

“I haven’t seen any of the online work, but what’s sitting in front of me doesn’t make _any_ sense. Some of these papers are… not good, yes, and they got the grade they deserved. But others, that clearly show the work and time put into it and actually make _sense_ , are graded nearly the exact same. He’s tearing apart the grammar on some of these, but everything is already correct? There’s barely any misspellings. He’s citing properly. And for the tests, the penmanship is legible, but at the end of the pages, when Huaisang squeezes everything together to fit it in, he circled it and said it was too difficult to read and took points off,” Zixuan listed off. “Dude has perfect penmanship, you can’t not read it even when it’s tiny and squished, okay."

“And,” Zixuan started flipping through the pages, “For the record, the only reason he’s still floating by is probably because he is scoring near perfectly on any multiple choice, short answers, and fill-ins on his tests and quizzes. The only ones that he didn’t do well on, were the ones where he hadn’t prepared with Guangyao in some way or another.”

“That is a heavy accusation you’re leading to. As you said, you are not a professor, Jin Zixuan. You are a student. How do you even know if those dates correspond to when he studied with Guangyao,” Mingjue asked. It was entirely against his nature to not side with his brother instantly, but in his position, he literally could not. He had to question everything that Zixuan gave him.

“Because I just _know_ , okay, Mingjue?” Zixuan kept flipping, “ _And_ , I’d also like to add that Huaisang does really well on these extra credit assignments when they’re not essay-driven. He clearly unders the material enough to actually be doing pretty well in the course, whether he’s confident in it or not. Honestly, he’s probably getting so worked up over the course because Professor Huang is a massive dick just fucking around with him.”

“Zixuan-”

“Sorry, hold on, I’m not done,” Zixuan kept going. “I don’t _know_ what Professor Huang says to you about Huaisang, but first of all, he really shouldn’t be going to the head of the department for a student who is struggling in class, that literally doesn’t call for your attention; he isn’t even failing. Second of all, he shouldn’t be going to a student’s _family member_ regarding his work, and not discussing it with the student instead.”

“I agree.”

“Whatever the hell he _does_ say to you, is probably bullshit? Like, when I drop Huaisang off later, just look at these papers. Whether or not it’s five star worthy work, it shouldn’t be graded the way that it has been. Nor does any of it call for the way that Professor Huang has been speaking to Huaisang all semester by the way. He is tearing his own student down. The number of times Huaisang has freaked out over this course, has just increased throughout the semester, and frankly I don’t think it’s just because he doesn’t get the material right away.” Zixuan huffed. “As the head of the department, it is your job to deal with this shit, so I’m bringing it to your attention, because it needs to be looked into. I’m not coming home to Huaisang crying over this fucking course _again_ now that I know that Professor Huang is a fucking jerk who is both screwing with your brother’s grade _and_ his head.”

“Are you done?”

“... Yes, and I’m so sorry.”

“When Huaisang is home I will look at everything,” Mingjue started. “I can’t make Huaisang tell me what Professor Huang says to him, but if you could talk to him about that, I would appreciate it. Thank you for telling me about this issue,” Zixuan never had Mingjue talk to him like another student before. “Had I known that Professor Huang was not encouraging his students… I’ll handle it.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Also,” Mingjue spoke up. He couldn’t leave it at that. He couldn’t end a conversation feeling like someone thought he didn’t protect his little brother. “Professor Huang has come to me regarding Huaisang numerous times but I have never let him speak to me about it. I wait for _Huaisang_ to come to me.”

“You should tell him.”

“... Thanks again for letting me know.”

Zixuan hung up and looked at Huaisang who looked sick with worry. “Am I in trouble?”

“Of course not,” Zixuan replied. “Do you need to cry anyways?” 

Huaisang bit his bottom lip and nodded. The stress of the course had been getting to Huaisang, but it was getting to be overwhelming. He couldn’t think about the course anymore without a deep dread building in his chest. Without feeling the pressure behind his eyes when he considered that _maybe_ he only felt confident in reading the articles because he was missing something.

But he wasn’t. Huaisang was a lot smarter on the subject than he gave himself credit for. He may hate the subject, but he understood it. It was just his professor who made him feel like he knew nothing on the topic. 

Zixuan went back to play the end of Les Mis for Huaisang. Huaisang crawled over Zixuan’s lap and pressed his cheek into the arm of the couch. He covered half his face with the blanket. 

Huaisang was completely pliant as Zixuan grunted and pulled his legs out from under his own body. He knew Huaisang wasn’t going to move off his legs even if they started to cramp later; might as well fix the issue now. 

Zixuan didn’t know the movie well besides quite literally all the saddest scenes. Especially the ending. Once Huaisang had made him and Jiang Cheng rewatch the same scene over and over again. “I couldn’t see it,” he had whined. “I was crying too hard to see it!”

[ _Come with me. Where chains will never bind you._ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5Yg4B6O0OGS5DFr327RV4i?si=8c1e260bfe904071)

Huaisang usually started crying hardest around this point so Zixuan let the hand that had been absentmindedly running over the soft blanket drop onto Huaisang’s waist.

_Take my hand. I’ll lead you to salvation._

_Take my love. For love is everlasting._

Huaisang lied under Zixuan’s arm sniffling, tiny gasps, and undoubtedly an endless supply of tears freely flowing. 

_Do you hear the people sing? Lost in the valley of the night?_

“You good,” Zixuan asked as he watched Huaisang aggressively wiping his face.

“ _No_ ,” Huaisang shouted. “Zixuan, it’s _so sad_ ,” he looked up at him. “ _Why_ aren’t you crying,” he accused. “Were you even watching. It’s so sad,” he cried out. 

“I don’t cry, Huaisang,” he reminded him. “It’s not in my nature.”

“I’ll make it in your fucking nature,” Huaisang threatened. “I’ll find something that will make you cry.”

“Okay,” Zixuan scoffed. Huaisang was successfully distracted from why he felt the need to cry earlier. “Good luck but I’m physically incapable.”

“Sure, _whatever_ ,” Huaisang grumbled, rolling to a stand and dropped the blanket onto Zixuan. “Man, fuck this musical!” He walked angrily down the hall. “They didn’t need to go and put Fantine singing to him like that. There was no need-” Zixuan couldn’t make out the rest of what Huaisang said the further away he got. 

huaisang vows to make zixuan cry 

  


not mongo,, 

  


and you never will. 

  


pining & hanahaki 


	53. Beans Can Break Pt. 3

Class was all Jingyi had with Zizhen at the moment. But they were also in different groups so not really.

Zizhen and Jingyi always started class leaning their backs against the wall since they sat at the edge of the room. 

Under normal circumstances, they usually sat on their phones, talking to each other before class started. Zizhen with his feet up on the chair beside him, Jingyi curled up into a ball in his own seat. 

But this was not normal circumstances. And Jingyi sat there, on his phone. Zizhen, not yet in the room. 

In honesty, Zizhen sat outside the classroom on one of the benches until nearly everyone had gone inside. 

Jingyi figured he must have been waiting outside considering he walked in just moments before their professor. It was a bit sad watching Zizhen walk in, both later than usual, and without his bright smile and gleeful, “ _Good morning freaks_ ,” to him and two of their classmates who were always the firsts in class.

It’s been a while since Jingyi heard it. His classmates even asked if Zizhen was feeling alright. 

And boy did he look like crap when he walked in too. He had dark circles under his eyes, his bag slung over his shoulder, and no energy in his walk. 

He dropped down onto his seat tiredly, and in Zizhen behavior, rolled the seat beside him closer to put his feet on while he leaned against the wall. “Good morning,” Jingyi said quietly while the class settled down.

Zizhen glanced at him, “Morning.”

The professor spoke up. Jingyi turned his attention to the front but he found it difficult to truly focus. He couldn’t retain anything. He could barely keep up with his group. He clicked around on his laptop and tried to follow their conversation but it just wasn’t happening. 

It was rare for Jingyi to be near silent in class like this but he redirected his efforts towards something that was actually productive in one way or another. His group was already ahead on the assignment so they sat together talking about everything but the next step in their project. Jingyi leaned back and did a bit of coding instead. 

And Jingyi stayed where he was while the class cleared out. He wasn’t done, and besides, there was no class following theirs so the room was going to be empty anyways. 

“See you boys,” the professor called on his way out. 

Zizhen waved at the professor as he shoved his things into his bag. One of the last students not far behind their professor, staring down at their phone. 

Jingyi glanced over his laptop as Zizhen prepared to leave. He didn’t expect Zizhen to even realize he was still sitting in the back corner of the room where his group had been sitting away from the rest as they talked shit about things happening around campus. 

And he didn’t notice. 

Not at first. 

Zizhen put in his earbuds and slung his bag over his shoulder. He only caught a glimpse of someone sitting in the back when he went to push his chair in. 

Jingyi averted his eyes back to his screen and tried to continue what he was doing but Zizhen was walking towards him. 

Jingyi angled his laptop down. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Jingyi bit the inside of his cheek. “You’re avoiding me before class,” he stated. 

“No,” Zizhen answered, even though it wasn’t a question. “Well,” he sat on the table. “I was before. Not this time. I, uh… I was going to talk to you after class, but I thought you walked out with your group,” he glanced at the closed door. 

“Talk to me about what?”

Zizhen hesitated. “Did you talk to Sizhui?”

“I did,” Jingyi nodded. 

“Is he mad?”

“It’s Sizhui,” Jingyi pointed out. 

“Are you mad?”

“Not at you.” Jingyi paused. “Don’t worry about it, Zizhen.” Zizhen gave him a pointed look. “I’m handling it.”

“Okay…”

“I’m working my Jingyi-thing,” he assured him. “It’ll be fine.”

Zizhen had nothing to say. “I’m sorry.”

Jingyi took in Zizhen’s appearance. “Are you sleeping?”

“I am.” Zizhen knew Jingyi knew he was lying. “Trust me, I’m taking a nap after science… Which I need to go to,” he stood back up.

“Okay… See you…”

“Bye,” Zizhen backed away.

Jingyi watched him walk out the door, carefully closing it behind him.

Jingyi watched him walk out the door. This time... 

Last time? 

Jingyi had his eyes closed but he wasn’t sleeping. He wasn’t sure he would be able to sleep. 

To be honest, he wasn’t sure that Zizhen and Sizhui were sleeping either. Zizhen had stopped crying quite a long time ago. And Sizhui had told Zizhen to sleep not long after that. 

Jingyi had been silent the whole time, keeping his hold on Zizhen as tight as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

Why was he so scared about everyone knowing who he was? The people who mattered, for the most part, knew and had no issues with him. So why would it matter if some other people had a problem? It really wasn’t any of their business either way. 

Zizhen had calmly told them why he thought this was best after Jingyi did his hacking. He saw where Zizhen was coming from, even if he didn’t agree with the extent of it. 

It was something Zizhen felt like he absolutely needed to do. 

Just as Jingyi felt like he absolutely had something he needed to do. 

But until then Jingyi had kept his arms around Zizhen. While Zizhen cried. While Zizhen worked to calm himself down. While Zizhen, seemingly, fell asleep.

But Zizhen didn’t fall asleep. Jingyi knew that for sure when he stirred just slightly. When Jingyi’s grip didn’t loosen, Zizhen massaged down his arm slowly. 

Jingyi knew what he was doing. And at first he didn’t move. But felt bad keeping Zizhen there when it was obvious that he didn’t want to be anymore. He let his arm relax around him enough for Zizhen to gently remove his arm and slowly sit up. 

Zizhen was careful to not move too quickly otherwise the mattress would dip too much and wake his friends up. He crawled back quietly to the end of the bed and slid off onto the floor. 

Jingyi kept his eyes shut. He didn’t need to open them to Zizhen navigating silently around the room to gather his things, leaving behind the cookies. 

And Zizhen was silent. Jingyi wasn’t sure what Zizhen had managed to gather from around the room. All he could hear was Zizhen standing from Jingyi’s chair that would sometimes rock back when you stood. He must’ve just put his shoes back on. 

And just one quiet sniff from further across the room. Probably grabbing his charger from Sizhui’s desk on his way out.

Jingyi kept his eyes shut. No, he didn’t want to watch Zizhen walk out of the room. He didn’t even want to hear it. God, he wished he had fallen asleep because this was agonizing. 

It was agonizing listening to Zizhen open the door slowly. It was agonizing feeling the bright light from the hallway barge into their room, trying to force its way through his closed eyes, even if it was just for a moment. 

He never wanted the light to be invited in. 

He couldn’t help but open his eyes at the sound of the quiet click of the door closing. 

Sizhui was already propped up and looking at the door.

Unlike Jingyi, Sizhui had watched Zizhen leave. 

The stress of the night had built up to an overwhelming point with the click of the door. Jingyi hadn’t even realized he was crying until Sizhui reached out for him, wrapping him in his arms. “ _Shh_.”

Jingyi hiccuped and let out a frustrated cry into Sizhui’s shoulder. 

Sizhui held the back of Jingyi’s head, absentmindedly flattening Jingyi’s hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay,” Sizhui repeated. 

Jingyi was so angry. _So_ angry. 

_Why_ couldn’t people mind their business? Why did people find it necessary to step into someone else’s life and disrupt it? What was the gain? 

Sizhui knew Jingyi was angry. He knew he was angry by the way Jingyi cried into him. He was angry and he didn’t know what to do with the energy. 

Sizhui just kept talking, and running his fingers through Jingyi’s hair, and holding him tightly… Whatever he needed to do to keep Jingyi grounded. “It’ll be okay, Jingyi. Okay? I promise. It’ll be fine. It’s not forever. He’s just scared. We’ll be alright. I promise. And Zizhen will come back. He’s our best friend. It’s going to be okay… It’s okay…”

Jingyi wasn’t really sure how long he was like that that night. But fuck… He was still angry. 

Jingyi glared down at his computer before him. The classroom was empty. Silent. He didn’t know what to do with anger that night. But he knew where to direct it now. 

cyborg attack 

  
  


Zizhen would have preferred to not even go to his classes. He was actually ahead in some of his classes when it came to the reading and some of the online responses. He wasn’t too concerned about his attendance anymore, at least for the time being, but he needed to keep his brain focused on something else. 

So he focused on his schoolwork, even in his freetime. Might as well actually go to class. He was paying for it anyways. Also… He didn’t want to get another call from his dad about his grades. Especially not right now. 

Zizhen slouched in his seat, just barely keeping up with his note taking. The professor still went through the slides too fast. He had asked several times for the powerpoints _or_ to have them printed because he just couldn’t keep up with the pace. He wasn’t even allowed to use his laptop.

The professor thought it was too much of a distraction for students to use laptops in class. Jin Ling had suggested to Zizhen that he go to Academic Affairs to see about their resources at the start of the semester. 

Zizhen was kicking himself in the ass right about now. If he had, maybe he could’ve gotten permission to use his laptop; he was so much faster when it came to typing than typical note taking. 

He had tried recording the lecture and playing it back later, pausing frequently, to write down whatever the professor was saying. But he had decided after some time that it simply didn’t work with the course. The professor spoke in summary, while all the details were on the screen. The times he’d try to take a picture, the professor would ask him to put his phone away. Another distraction. 

Eventually his notes were a mess, again, and there was only another 17 minutes left of class. He put his pen down and gave up. He hated borrowing Jin Ling’s notes but he would have to this time. 

He blankly watched the slides go by, completely tuned out from whatever the professor was talking about. “Yes, Sizhui, what’s your question?” Zizhen glanced over his shoulder as Sizhui asked his question. Jin Ling was beside him, scribbling down the answer as the professor gave it. 

The two of them did that often when something wasn’t quite clarified. They tag teamed notes sometimes and it worked really well for them. 

Zizhen was absolutely no help to them when it came to note taking. He was too far away on top of missing half the material. 

He felt that he never really had anything to offer his friends with anything, except the fact that he had a car. But as is, Jin Ling preferred to drive instead of him or Jingyi getting behind the wheel, so they often took his car when they were all together. 

“Alright, that’s it for today,” the professor said, three minutes early. 

Zizhen was out before anyone else zipped up their bag. 

Sizhui watched Zizhen race out of the room while he neatly put his things away. Jin Ling didn’t bother mentioning how sad Sizhui looked to him again. He looked that way all morning when they had grabbed bagels together early that morning. “I’m just sad today,” he had told Jin Ling. 

jin-YEET chat 

  


Right on cue, Jingyi came skipping into class. Side eyeing the girl in the row in front of Jin Ling and Sizhui as he passed her on her way out. 

“Hey,” Jin Ling said, waiting for his notebook from Sizhui. 

“What are you doing here,” Sizhui slid the notebook back. 

“Let’s go grab some tea and go to the lookout!” Jingyi said excitedly. “I’m in the mood to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?” Jin Ling questioned. “Celebrate what?”

“I think I just successfully did my Jingyi-thing,” he beamed.

“I am: intrigued,” Jin Ling stood. 

“We can celebrate again when phase three commences,” Jingyi said. “Until then, we wait.”

“For how long,” Sizhui stood, letting Jingyi take the heavy textbook from his hands. “Can we get pizza if we celebrate again.”

“No more pizza,” Jingyi and Jin Ling said together. 


	54. He's Goddamn Lan Jingyi!

PLEASE

It was probably for the best that Wuxian was off today. He might have lost it on the spot had he seen Wen Chao and Xue Yang approaching the freshmen outside Lotus Root. 

But this time, Jingyi was there. 

Xue Yang laughed loudly, calling their attention over before they even got into Lotus Root. “Go get your ass kicked again,” Xue Yang pushed Wen Chao towards them. 

“For the record,” Sizhui called to them, “I didn’t beat his ass. It was self defense. It’s not my fault his balance is awful. You should work on strengthening your core,” Sizhui advised. 

“Excuse me?” Wen Chao spoke up. 

Jingyi spoke up, “I think you heard him just fine.”

Xue Yang cackled. 

Wen Chao shifted his glare from Sizhui to Jingyi _._ “You’re a little piece of shit, you know that?”

Jingyi considered Wen Chao’s attitude. He hadn’t seen yet. “I really don’t think you want to push me,” he warned. 

Wen Chao scoffed, “Or what? Gonna hack my social media accounts again?”

“You really don’t want to know what I have on you already,” Jingyi replied. Technically, nothing yet. But by tonight…

Wen Chao stepped forward, “You-”

“Oh,” Jingyi interrupted in surprise. “Oh, no. I wouldn’t do that either.”

Xue Yang leaned against the window in amusement, “Are you going to beat his ass too?”

Sizhui sighed, “I didn’t beat his ass. However Jingyi didn’t practice Tai Chi.”

“Oh?”

“He was trained more combatively than myself,” he told them matter-of-factly.

Xue Yang laughed and pushed Wen Chao’s shoulder, “Well fuck, Wen Chao. You might as well give up now then.”

Jingyi almost hoped he kept pushing. He had no problem taking Wen Chao down in whatever way he could. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Wen Chao snapped at Xue Yang. 

“This is stupid,” Jin Ling piped up.

“It is,” Jingyi agreed, still eyeing Wen Chao. “You might as well hand over anything you have.”

Wen Chao stepped forward threateningly again. Jingyi, already in motion. 

Yanli threw herself out the door of Lotus Root and stood before Jingyi, staring at him unflinchingly. “Enough.” Jingyi straightened. “Go inside,” she told the three of them. They complied. Jingyi threw Wen Chao an amused look. 

“You,” she turned to them. “Leave.”

“You can’t make me do anything here,” Wen Chao told her; he reached for her to push by her. Yanli grabbed his hand and threw him into a thumb lock. He yelled out in surprise. “Okay, _okay_ , god!”

Yanli didn’t walk back inside until she deemed them far enough from her front door.

“He definitely has some sort of picture,” Jingyi said at the front counter as Sizhui made their drinks. 

“Picture of what,” Yanli walked up to them in a huff. “ _What_ are you doing getting into it with someone like him?”

shuttershock 

  


Xue Yang stuck a lollipop in his mouth while lying upside down on Wen Chao’s couch. Him, Guangyao, and Wen Chao were all studying for their big Politics & War test coming up. 

They had been studying for a while before Xue Yang demanded they take a break. Guangyao kept studying regardless as the other two talked. 

“You are absolutely going to fail,” Xue Yang said to Wen Chao. 

“Well if this fucker ever emailed me back,” Wen Chao grumbled over his laptop. 

“Who,” Guangyao asked. 

“Apparently Professor Nie hasn’t changed this test in the last two years,” Wen Chao said. “According to the TA, it’s the exact same this year as well.”

Xue Yang sat up, “You bought the answers?”

“Of course I did,” Wen Chao said over his shoulder. “Oh, it’s right here,” he clicked the PDF and hit print. “All I have to do is memorize this.”

“Print me one,” Xue Yang said. 

“Guangyao do you want a copy,” Wen Chao asked. 

“No.”

“Why,” Xue Yang looked at him. “You could get a perfect 100.”

“No.”

“You’re so stupid,” Wen Chao chuckled. “Oh wait,” he leaned closer to his laptop. “I got an email about class cancelled tomorrow?”

“What?” Xue Yang pulled out his phone. “I didn’t know the student portal sent out emails?” I didn’t get a notification or email…”

“It’s right here,” Wen Chao scanned the email and clicked the document attached. 

A high pitch sound erupted from Wen Chao’s laptop. “No _way_ ,” Xue Yang sprang to his feet. 

“What the fuck,” Wen Chao click around the screen but everything went black. 

Guangyao walked over wide eyed just as words started rapidly scrolling up the screen. Guangyao caught a few words on the screen before the robotic voice started speaking. “Holy fuck,” he muttered to himself. He watched as each rule said aloud flashed in large letters over the rules scrolling rapidly behind it.

_“ Alcohol is prohibited. Talking behind other people's back is prohibited. Killing livestock within the area is prohibited. Fighting without permission is prohibited. Promiscuity is prohibited. Venturing out at night is prohibited. Arrogance is forbidden. Do not work after 9 PM. Do not rise after 5AM. Do not stand incorrectly. Do not succumb to rage. Do not tell lies. Do not use frivolous words.”_

Guangyao watched in shock. He almost laughed out loud in appreciation of the work that probably went into this. He watched as the rules continued. There was no question that this was the work of Lan Jingyi. He was quite impressed actually. He pulled out his phone.

_“Do not insult people. Be careful with your words. Be respectful and humble. Stop the bad habits. Do not hold grudges. If others win over you, do not envy them. Do not create damages. Steer away from bad men. Respect the filial ones. Take the straight path. Reject the crooked path.”_

Xue Yang let out a laugh. Wen Chao just stared at his computer in shock. “Dude you’re being called out with the Lan Rules.”

The entire screen glitched, the voice getting deeper, the screen image now inverted as it continued.

_“Do not bully the weak. Do not be greedy. Do not be haughty and complacent. Do not praise yourself and slander others. Do not say one thing and mean another. Do not take advantage of your position to oppress others. Do not mix public and private interests. Do not make assumptions about others. Do not disrespect the elder. **Do not disrespect the younger** .” _

The screen went black before a small cloud flickered onto the screen, a circle slowly closing around it. “You should _definitely_ turn that off,” Xue Yang laughed at a stunned and motionless Wen Chao. “Dude, turn it off.” 

Wen Chao was near shaking with anger once he processed what happened. He forced his computer down but it didn’t matter anymore. “I’m going to fucking end him,” he threatened. 

“Y’know,” Guangyao backed towards his things and slowly shoved everything haphazardly into his bag. “I really wouldn’t do that. Clearly this kid can do some pretty big shit.”

Xue Yang laughed, “I really underestimated him,” he agreed. “Well on the bright side,” Xue Yang clapped Wen Chao on the shoulder, “At least you managed to print the test answers first.”

Guangyao didn’t even bother saying goodbye as Wen Chao started _reacting_ finally. He snuck right out of the apartment and outside.

He was just about to unlock his car and hop in when he saw Zixuan’s car sitting outside a house just a few doors down. He was most likely studying with Jiang Cheng for the Politics & War test as well.

… They were friends with Jingyi. 

Guangyao rerouted and walked through the front door and up the steps towards the loud shouting coming from inside. There’s no way that _wasn’t_ Zixuan’s friends. 

Guangyao knocked, silence taking over.

“Look what you did,” Wuxian called accusingly. “You’ve gone and pissed off the neighbors.”

“ _Hello_ ?” Jiang Cheng practically shouted. “They’re _consistently_ louder than us.”

Wuxian opened the door and froze. His eyes narrowed, “What are you doing here?”

“Is Zixuan here,” he tried to peak around Wuxian. “Or Jiang Cheng?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not going to talk to me,” he deadpanned. “I don’t really want to talk to you either.”

“I literally live here.” Wuxian didn’t budge. 

“Guangyao?” Zixuan looked around Wuxian. “What are you doing here?”

“I was at Wen Chao’s and I saw your car-”

“We don’t say that name under this roof,” Wuxian said.

“I was at dickhead’s and I saw your car-”

“-You may enter,” Wuxian stepped to the side.

“-You’re friends with Lan Jingyi,” Guangyao stated. 

“Yeah…” Zixuan replied.

“Did Wen Chao say something about him,” Wuxian asked quickly. “I am literally going to fight him.”

Guangyao pulled out his phone. “I don’t think Jingyi needs anyone standing up for him.” He played the video and held it out. Jiang Cheng raced over from where he was in the kitchen to watch. 

“Holy shit,” Zixuan muttered. 

Jiang Cheng started, “Jingyi can do _that_?”

Wuxian smiled in excitement, “ _Of course_ Jingyi can do that,” he pointed out. “He’s goddamn Lan Jingyi!”

Zixuan’s phone rang out. 

“He’s _pissed_ , let me tell you,” Guangyao said. “Jingyi might’ve just started something.”

Zixuan sighed and answered the call coming through. “Hello? What’s up, Jin Ling,” he walked away from the three. 

“Okay but Wen Chao has his work cut out for him if he’s messing with Jingyi,” Jiang Cheng announced. “I don’t think he cares if he started something.”

a new jingyeet stan 

  


jingyeet big brain 

  


a-qing is right on this 

popcorn 

  


lol 

had* 

uno reversed him 

  
  


15 minutes 

  


he didn’t even try to get evidence 

  


playing stupid 

NOW TRENDING — [#jingYEETconfused](https://twitter.com/hashtag/jingYEETconfused?src=hashtag_click)

  


  



	55. just didn't want to ruin the last chapters vibe so here's this short burst of Sad!

Zizhen was happy to know Jingyi did what he wanted to do. But he never got a text from him so he figured Jingyi wasn’t done yet. 

He didn’t bother reaching out either. 

He loved when Jingyi trended and it was _more_ than entertaining for him to see everyone rapid fire deleting their own tweets regarding anything to do with Wen Chao when they saw Jingyi playing stupid. 

But he had to close Twitter after some time. As much as he loved to see people hyping Jingyi up…

It still sucked.

Zizhen still slept like shit. He just couldn’t get to sleep anymore, no matter how hard he tried. Especially tonight. 

This time he tried sleeping on the floor, and even went to the end lounge on his floor to try sleeping on those shitty couches. 

But nothing worked. 

He even considered taking a walk downtown and back despite the time. 

But of course, his constant movement woke Jin Ling up. Jin Ling hated how easy it was for him to wake up. Being a light sleeper was the worst thing for him, especially these days. 

“Zizhen,” Jin Ling groaned in annoyance. “ _Stop_ pacing.”

“Sorry,” he kicked off his slippers and kept pacing. 

“Just come here,” he sighed heavily, moving away from the edge of the bed. 

“Sorry,” Zizhen said again, climbing up onto the bed. 

“Stop saying sorry,” Jin Ling snapped. “Just go to sleep. You’re driving me crazy.”

Zizhen frowned. He felt bad for always waking Jin Ling up. Maybe he could sleepover Wuxian’s tomorrow so Jin Ling could actually get some sleep for once. 

“Ugh,” Jin Ling breathed out. He reached back and grabbed Zizhen’s wrist and dropped his arm over his waist. “‘Night.”

“..... ‘Night.”

roommate bros 

  



	56. another short burst, but make is suspicious

Wuxian was admittedly thrown off by how  _ fast _ everyone’s energies changed when Jin Guangshan walked into his Art & Philosophy class. 

Guangyao didn’t even look like he was breathing; he was stock still. Zixuan sat up straighter in his seat; his normally bouncing leg ceased movement. Huaisang folded his hands in his lap. Lan Xichen stood from where he was sitting neatly on a desk. 

He himself felt uncomfortable but he didn’t want to show it. There was nothing to gain from showing your discomfort to people like Jin Guangshan.

Xichen bowed his head in respect, “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“Making my rounds today,” Guangshan said jollily. 

Wuxian glanced at Wen Ning. 

What?

“But I would be lying if I didn’t say I also stopped in on my way to a meeting to ask how my son is doing,” Guangshan laughed, dropping a hand on Zixuan’s shoulder. Zixuan didn’t react.

Ouch. 

Wuxian didn’t have a good view but he was sure he saw Guangyao clench his jaw. 

Xichen faltered for a quick moment. He smiled, “They’re both doing fantastic. This class is quite extraordinary, if I can add. I’m hoping some will consider switching departments. I’d love for you to sit in one day. The discussion is quite interesting.”

“I’m sure it is fascinating,” Guangshan replied brightly. “Perhaps another time. I am pleased to see everyone is taking such detailed notes though,” he looked around like he actually cared. 

Guangshan patted Huaisang’s shoulder on his way by. Huaisang silently thanked himself for the amount of notes he took for once in Xichen’s class. 

“Thank you for stopping by,” Xichen replied.

“I’ll see you for tomorrow’s meeting,” Guangshan added. His assistant held the door for him before scurrying out behind him. 

“Alright…” Xichen sighed. “...Where were we?”

Wangji spoke, “Mass production.”

“Right,” Xichen turned back to the room. “Wen Ning-”


	57. Beans Can Break Pt. 4

Zizhen was going to be productive today!

He decided. It must happen. 

Though he wasn’t really sure how. He was caught up on all of his assignments still… He couldn’t stop reading ahead at this point. He was barely sleeping so why not just… Keep going?

Maybe he would just do that. He had one assignment left in the module for his science class anyways. And then by the time it was actually due, he would just ask Jin Ling to look at it and tell him how to fix it. 

Zizhen found that asking Jin Ling to help him fix assignments taught him more than the class discussions he couldn’t keep up with. 

Yeah… Maybe he’d do that. 

He was on his way to Lotus Root already; maybe he could just start it there. Talk to Wen Ning a bit during his shift… Go get something for dinner with Wuxian after… 

Seemed like a good plan!

Zizhen strolled into Lotus Root, and right up to the front counter. He was just about to call Wen Ning’s name when the back door opened and out walked-

“Sizhui,” Zizhen’s smile dropped slowly.

“Hi Zizhen.”

It looked like Zizhen was expecting to see Wen Ning.

God why did Sizhui have to look at him like that? His gaze was entirely unwavering and it was intimidating as fuck to Zizhen right about now. He didn’t know how Sizhui was so… steady. In his words, and his actions. He rarely ever seemed nervous or unsure of anything. Which was crazy to Zizhen, because even when Sizhui  _ was _ nervous or unsure, you couldn’t really tell unless he told you, or unless you were able to pick up on the slightest of differences with how he acted. 

And they were fucking hard to spot. 

“Blackberry Oolong?”

“Oh, uhm,” he pulled out his card, “Yeah.”

Sizhui got the payment screen set up for him before turning his attention to making his drink. “How are you?” He didn’t want silence. He hoped that was okay. 

“Busy,” Zizhen replied. “You?”

“Okay.”

Maybe silence was all they could manage right now.

“Hey Zizhen?” He said it so… normally. Like everything was okay. He wasn’t quiet like Zizhen. He wasn’t awkward like Zizhen. He was just Sizhui. 

“Hm?”

“Jingyi has a handle on things.”

“Okay,” he said quietly. Sizhui handed him his tea. “Thanks…”

Sizhui, still unwavering. 

Zizhen was definitely not going to be staying to do his homework. Though he was suddenly feeling tired… Maybe he’d finally be able to get some sleep. 

“Have a good day, Sizhui.”

Sizhui offered a half-smile, “You too.” Zizhen turned and Sizhui wavered, “Zizhen!” He turned around to Sizhui’s sad expression. “Get some sleep.”

“Okay.”

Sizhui watched him walk away. Again. 

He didn’t want to keep watching him walk away. 

He didn’t want to remember how he and Jingyi just let him walk out when he thought they were asleep. He didn’t want to remember how Jingyi cried when he was gone. 

He didn’t want to remember the conversation they had after Jingyi hacked those fuckers. 

He didn’t want to remember how the three of them sat down to talk seriously. 

“Let’s just,” Sizhui had sighed, “Let’s be logical. No defecting,” he shot Jingyi a look, “And no confronting. Not yet. Let’s just… Be productive this time.”

They went through the basics. What did they know?

  1. Wen Chao and Jin Zixun have and would definitely again, cause problems for the sake of causing problems. It was fun for them. 
  2. They read into their tweets.
  3. They had some sort of physical evidence that proved their assumptions.
  4. If they didn’t, well then they were just really fucking observant since their friends didn’t even know anything. 
  5. They weren’t just planning on spreading rumors. They were willing to go to clan leaders. 
  6. It _was_ likely that Zizhen was at the center of their reasoning, with or without some sort of physical evidence.
  7. Zizhen was not in any sort of danger of losing anything.
  8. Jingyi and Sizhui were. 
    1. Of losing everything and then some.



And that’s when Zizhen made up his mind. 

He just hoped they would hear him out. 

“I think… Maybe it would be easiest if I stepped out of this. Like…  _ Actually _ stepped out of the picture.”

Jingyi frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Out of the relationship,” he added quietly. 

Jingyi sat up in shock, “ _ What _ ?”

Sizhui’s eyes widened with panic, “I said logical! This isn’t logical!”

“It’s logical-”

“ _ Zizhen _ ,” Sizhui stopped him. “This is  _ not _ logical. This is  _ not _ productive.”

“We’ve all lost it _ ,”  _ Jingyi concluded, in his own little world. “The entire day is cancelled.”

“ _ Guys _ ,” Zizhen sighed. “Just… Listen to me.”

“No,” Jingyi said.

Zizhen continued talking despite the other two arguing. “We agree that Wen Chao has  _ something _ . Something  _ worth _ sharing with Lan Qiren. He would never take rumors as anything of significance. So there’s something.”

“So?” Jingyi pressed. 

“And we agree that  _ I’m _ the problem-”

“No,” Sizhui stopped him. “We did  _ not _ say ‘problem’.”

That’s not how it felt. “If you remove the problem-”

“Stop,” Jingyi interrupted. “Don’t refer to yourself as the problem.”

Zizhen paused. “If you remove… the person,” he offered. “Who is the main evidence for them to fucking light your lives on fire, out of the equation, why wouldn’t you?”

“I can list many reasons if you have the time in your break up monologue,” Jingyi snapped. 

“Jingyi,” Sizhui sighed. 

“It would be less of a monologue if you just listened to me,” Zizhen countered back in annoyance. It was hard enough saying what he was saying, he didn’t want to keep repeating it. 

“Okay, stop,” Sizhui held his face. He couldn’t process this. “Just,” he sighed, anxiously straightening his already straight headband. “Continue.”

“I’m not going to feed into anything that he’s planning,” Zizhen continued. “I know you think that by doing that will just give him  _ more _ reasons. But… That’s just reasons. That’s not actual proof of anything.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Jingyi said. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I do,” Zizhen shook his head. He really wanted to fucking cry right now. “If anything it might buy time. For some sort of excuse. Or solution, I don’t know,” he shrugged. “Do what you have to. But I have to do this.”

“Let’s go back to the keeping-our-distance plan,” Jingyi suggested.

“And pretend we aren’t friends?” Zizhen shook his head. “Clearly we weren’t very good at pretending we weren’t dating.”

Weren’t. 

Sizhui opened his mouth to say something. But nothing came out right away. Zizhen already decided. “So you’re breaking up with us?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh my god,” Jingyi felt a bit numb. This was not how he expected his week to start. 

“I need you to give me reasons,” Sizhui said quietly. “Logical reasons for breaking up.” 

Zizhen looked at him sadly. 

“Please?”

So Zizhen listed them off. For minutes. 

Minutes of why it was probably safer to end it. Minutes of why it would give them time to figure things out. Minutes of why it was pointless to continue pretending like the three of them hadn’t been dating since Autumn. Minutes of what they would lose. Minutes of what would happen. Minutes of utter fucking heartbreak. 

Logical reasons. 

Sizhui nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?” Jingyi looked at Sizhui, desperate for him to change his mind. 

Zizhen and Sizhui didn’t say anything. They were on the same page now. 

“What?” Jingyi was not on the same page. “No; Sizhui, what?” Jingyi cupped Zizhen’s face. “Zizhen, I don’t care about any of it. You really don’t need to.”

“You two are the priority here,” Zizhen pointed out. 

“The  _ three _ of us are the priority,” Jingyi countered. 

“Not right now,” Zizhen took Jingyi’s hands.

Jingyi pulled his hands away. 

“It’s just… Better to be safe than sorry.”

Sizhui was silent. Jingyi inhaled slowly to try and regain some sort of balance within himself. This wasn’t happening. 

Zizhen really was about to cry. 

“Can you at least say it,” Jingyi asked. “Can you at least say you’re breaking up with us? I’m not going to think it’s real until you do.”

Well he really wanted to avoid doing that… But if Jingyi needed to hear it… 

Sizhui sighed as Zizhen walked out of Lotus Root. 

Everything was so messed up. 

Sizhui was trying to be patient and understanding. And for the most part he was. But he really just wanted this to be over with. 

He wanted Zizhen back. 

He wanted Jingyi to smile again. 

He wanted Zizhen to talk to them. 

But Jingyi was busy trying to ensure Wen Chao didn’t out them. And Zizhen was giving him the space to do that.

But the longer it took, the worse Sizhui felt about the situation. 

What if Zizhen didn’t come back?

What if Jingyi stayed bitter?

What if he didn’t get his boyfriends back?

jingyi will handle it


	58. An Unexpected Team

In hindsight, maybe Wangji should have texted Wuxian before just showing up. He wasn’t even sure if Wuxian was home when he pulled up to the curb. 

He just really wanted to get out of his house. Something about his uncle’s presence was putting Wangji on edge. It wasn’t that he was doing or saying anything in particular this time. But the sheer fact that he _has_ done things and said things that went against everything Wangji fundamentally believed in, has been sitting heavy in Wangji’s mind. 

He didn’t want to be around that right now. 

He wanted to be around Wuxian. 

The music was muffled but loud enough for Wangji to be concerned that his knock would go unnoticed. He hoped Wuxian would be home otherwise this was going to be awkward. 

He knocked once more, just a tad harder. 

He held his breath at the sound of the door unlocking. What was his reason for coming by? He didn’t think this far ahead. What if it wasn’t even Wuxian?

It wasn’t even Wuxian. 

“Hey,” Jiang Cheng replied, holding a box of Trix cereal under his arm. “He’s in his room.”

Wangji nodded a quick thanks and made his way towards the closed door. 

“Just walk in,” Jiang Cheng said dully, dropping down onto the couch. “He won’t hear you knock.”

“Ah.” Wangji hesitated anyways. 

_She’s got a[love like woe](https://open.spotify.com/track/4XRZbiVdsA5qv6f6qP70lS?si=e9d7ec4a713f4a62). _

Wangji smirked but pushed the door open. 

Wuxian’s back was to him, organizing _something._ His entire room was torn apart, items and clothes thrown everywhere. 

Wuxian yelled out, thinking his brother was the only other warm body in their apartment. “ _You can take up all my time, ‘cause you’re the only one, that can make a storm cloud break, pulling out the sun-_ ”

He turned around, a flute under his arm and a dying plant in his hand.

“Hi.”

“Oh my god.”

“Keep going,” Wangji closed the door. 

Wuxian hesitated. “Listen… I have never paused this song in my life, I really need a minute here…”

“That’s fine,” and perfectly timed with the song, “How could I say no?”

Wuxian tiptoed his way through his wreck of a room so he could put the plant down on top of the notebooks on his desk. “So what are you doing here?”

“Just stopped by.”

“Sorry, this is loud,” Wuxian went to go turn it down.

“Finish your song,” Wangji replied. 

He went around, picking his things off the floor so Wangji could get further into the room, singing quietly to himself. “ _‘Cause we only have one life. The timing and the moment, all seem so right_ . _So would you say you’re mine-”_

Wangji smirked and Wuxian made piles off to the side of the room to tidy up. “Sorry I didn’t say I was coming,” he sat on the floor and leaned against the wall, posture immaculate as ever. 

“I don’t care,” Wuxian stopped his music the second the song ended. “If you ever tell anyone that I love that song, I will call you a liar.”

“Sizhui used to listen to that song.”

“I think the key word there is _used_ to.”

“Perhaps,” Wangji looked around. “What are you doing?”

“Clearing my room out.”

“Any particular reason?”

“Nothing sparks happiness,” Wuxian looked around, his hands on his hips. “At least… Not where everything is right now. It’s too much like my room back at Lotus Pier. So I’m just moving things around.”

“Can I help with anything?”

“Do you really want to?”

“Yes.”

Wuxian hummed. “Oh!” He picked up the dying plant. “Can you put this in the kitchen? Unless you want it?”

“Oh, no,” Wangji stood and took it from his hands. “I can’t keep them alive. Are you throwing it away?”

“No, I’m going to give it to Zixuan.”

“A dying plant?”

“Yup!”

NOT THIS AGAIN 

Wuxian wanted to move. 

Immediately. 

He was mortified when he saw Wen Chao and Jin Zixun outside Wen Chao’s apartment arguing. 

He just wanted to walk Wangji to his car in peace. 

But peace wasn’t in Wen Chao’s itinerary for the day. He had just lost everything he had on the trio. 

Okay, so he couldn’t go to Lan Qiren anymore. But… 

“Well isn’t this a surprise,” Wen Chao called when he saw Wangji on the sidewalk with Wuxian. 

Wangji didn’t take his eyes off of Wuxian. “I will see you later.”

Zixun scoffed, “He doesn’t listen does he,” he asked Wen Chao. “What’s he doing around Lan Wangji still?”

Wen Chao called out again, “Careful around that one, Lan Zhan!”

Wangji shot him a glare. 

“You’ll get yourself in some trouble around him.”

Wangji turned to approach the smirking man. Wuxian put his hand on Wangji’s chest to stop him from taking that first step. “Don’t bother.” Wuxian looked at them. “Do you need something? Or are you just bored again?”

Wen Chao was angry. Really fucking angry. He turned to Zixun. “I’m going to get those pictures.”

“Good luck,” he snorted. “I’m telling you, she’s not going to give them to you anymore.”

“No but she could post them herself,” he got in his car.

“She doesn’t care that much,” Zixun followed. 

what would [zixuan] do 

in jingYEET’s dms 

  


Guangyao was never going to admit to anyone that he had helped Lan Jingyi. And Jingyi sure as hell wasn’t going to tell anyone that he accepted help from Jin Guangyao. 

Jingyi figured there really wasn’t anything for Guangyao to gain by helping him, so of course he said yes. 

Guangyao’s only gain? Watching Wen Chao lose. He had been friends with him for a couple years now and frankly he was just tired of seeing him _always_ get his way. And it was always at the expense of someone else in one way or another. It was old. 

So the two of them worked out just a small plan. 

Guangyao knew that Lingjiao was getting her laptop fixed first thing Monday morning. Jingyi was _quick_ to ask to switch shifts when he found out. 

Okay so he was missing two of his classes for it… He’s never missed a day for those before so… This felt okay to him. It was just one day. 

He recognized her the moment she walked in. He had looked her up after that one phone call with Zizhen. 

And Lingjiao recognized him too. She considered walking out and coming back later but… She really needed her computer fixed. She had accidentally turned it off mid update.

“I need to have this looked at,” she mumbled, sliding the laptop and charger across the top of the counter.

Jingyi stood up; she didn’t know that he knew exactly who she was. “Sure,” he smiled. “Can you just fill this out?” He handed her a clipboard. “What exactly happened?”

“It won’t turn on. I… might’ve accidentally turned it off while it was updating.”

“Ah.” Of course. “It might be bricked, but I can take a look at it for you. Finish filling that out and I can get a loan for you.” Jingyi walked into the backroom and stared at all of the loan laptops sitting in front of him, unreacting. He walked back out with a small frown, “It looks like all of our loans are taken out right now.”

“I have a response due before class,” she deadpanned, as if it would make one magically appear. 

“I’m so sorry,” he took her laptop and set it beside his. He’s never loved the outrageously tall counter before. “I can put you on the waitlist and call your number on the sheet once one is returned. Feel free to use any of the ones here though if you need.”

Lingjiao rolled her eyes at him and huffed her way over to the furthest computer from him. 

Jingyi DMed Guangyao and focused his attention on her laptop. 

Guangyao wasn’t that far away. He had actually just gotten out from his Art & Philosophy class and was already on his way to Politics & War with Wen Chao. 

He knew she would be cutting it close to his next class. But it didn’t take long for him to convince Wen Chao to try and persuade her to send the pictures again. 

Jingyi didn’t even glance up when Wen Chao and Guangyao walked in. He stayed hidden behind the counter, really honestly trying to get her computer to turn on but it was really fucking bricked. 

Lingjiao scoffed at the sight of Wen Chao. “If you’re here for the same thing as before don’t bother.” She motioned towards the counter where Wen Chao could only just see Jingyi’s eyes, focused down. 

“Are you everywhere?”

Jingyi glanced up, knowing the question was for him. “... I work here?”

Guangyao looked at Jingyi from where he stood behind the other two. “Do you know anything about batteries?” Wen Chao looked at him incredulously. “What? Something’s wrong with my laptop…”

Wen Chao rolled his eyes and sat next to Lingjiao. 

“Yeah, I can look at it real quick.”

Guangyao pulled his laptop out as he walked over, sliding it over with a phone on top. 

“Thank you,” Jingyi took both.

guangyao & mingjue messages 

  


Jingyi was lowkey sweating. 

“Lingjiao,” he called to get hers and Wen Chao’s attention while Guangyao put her phone back in the side pocket of her back. “I just found a loan laptop in one of the back cabinets!”

“Thank god,” she breathed out in annoyance. 

“We have to go,” Guangyao pointed out to Wen Chao. 

“Lingjiao,” Wen Chao gave her a look. 

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved. “I’ll send it later. I _have_ to work on this assignment.”

he doesn't want to talk to zizhen about it 

illegal 

  


i am sad, i'm sorry if you're sad too guys 

  
  
  
  



	59. Guangyao's Favorite Family Member

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// family member dying *not a main Or minor character

Jin Ling was already at the store looking for _something_ to get Zizhen to make him so he wouldn’t be so sad anymore when he got the phone call. 

“Yeah, what?”

“Auntie Li Hua isn’t going to make the night,” Zixuan said. 

Jin Ling paused. “Oh.”

Yeah, he was expecting this. She started going downhill a few weeks back. It must’ve gotten bad enough for phone calls now instead since the group chat was silent on the matter.

“I’m driving Guangyao to Lanling in a bit if you want to come with us.” 

She didn’t live in Carp Tower, as she was quite outspoken about her disdain for how Guangshan turned out. She wasn’t so uptight compared to those in their family; she was the crazy old bat in the family that you couldn’t really help but love. 

Guangyao was particularly fond of their great aunt. She was always very kind to Guangyao, quietly spoiling him when she could.

“I’m at the store right now…,” Jin Ling kept walking. “You can leave now if you need to.”

“I just left Huaisang’s. I have to pack some things.”

Luckily, Jin Ling knew immediately what Zizhen needed when he saw it. He headed to the front of the store, “I’ll go with you guys then. I can meet you outside my dorm in half an hour.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Jin Ling didn’t want to drive by himself to Lanling late at night. He’d, surprisingly, rather go with his cousins. He was closer to Zixuan than he was even just a few months ago. A lot closer. But not Guangyao. He wasn’t really even sure the last time he had talked to Guangyao outside the family group chat. 

Jin Ling wasn’t too close to their great aunt, and he really couldn’t say that Zixuan was either but it was sad to hear nonetheless. 

He felt a bit bad for leaving Zizhen but he’d just have to make up for it later. Maybe he could text the guys to check on him at some point in the next couple days. 

When he got back to their dorm earlier in the evening Zizhen had just gotten off the phone, crying. He wouldn’t tell Jin Ling what happened or who he was even talking to but he was really fucking distressed. He wouldn’t even let Jin Ling get near him. 

So Jin Ling ran to the store for _something_ when Zizhen left to go take, presumably, a long hot shower. He didn’t want Zizhen to be sad and he literally didn’t know how to fix it. 

He wasn’t planning on asking the guys to reach out to Zizhen, because as far as he knew, they were still fighting about something. But now that he was going to be gone for a couple days…

rulan 

Jin Ling got back to find Zizhen curled up in bed. He didn’t bother looking up from his phone when Jin Ling walked in. 

“Hey.”

“Hi,” Zizhen muttered. Jin Ling dropped a body pillow on top of Zizhen. “What-” he sat up. 

“Frankly, you need one,” Jin Ling pointed out before he could say anything. “But I also have to leave for a couple days. And I know you’re sad.”

“...” Zizhen poked the body pillow, “So you got me this?”

“Yes.” Jin Ling pursed his lips. “I won’t be here to cuddle. You cuddle more when you’re sad. So cuddle this.”

Zizhen frowned, “I’d hug you but I know you hate that.”

“Would it make you feel better?”

“... Yes but you hate hugs.”

“Just do it if you want.”

Zizhen let out a small laugh, “You’re so aggressive,” he leaned forward and hugged Jin Ling. 

“Yeah, whatever.”

“You’re supposed to wrap your arms around me,” Zizhen said. 

“It’s an awkward angle.”

Zizhen wasn’t going to let him off with that. He slid off the bed and hugged Jin Ling again. 

“Now it’s just awkward.”

Zizhen laughed. 

is that pingu 

  


The car was utterly silent. Jin Ling didn’t know what to make of the air in the car but for him it felt tense despite how relaxed and otherwise normal at least Zixuan seemed to be. 

Again, Jin Ling didn’t ever really speak to Guangyao. Not often enough to really form a negative opinion on his cousin like some of his other family members had. Guangyao was quiet but he helped Jin Ling train Fairy when the dog was threatened to be taken away. For that alone he liked Guangyao.

He didn’t know a lot about Guangyao, but he knew _this_ wasn’t normal for the perfectly put together person he had grown up around. 

Guangyao was dressed more casually than Jin Ling had ever seen, his hair was even pulled up in a bun with some loose wispies, seemingly uncaring about his image. It was kind of weird to see.

He didn’t look too put together right now. Not with the way he was looking out the window. Not the way he was kind of slumped down in the passenger seat. Not the way he didn’t react at all to the sound of Zixuan’s phone ringing throughout the car. 

Zixuan pressed a button on his steering wheel to answer the call. “Hi.”

“Hey,” Jin Han’s voice came through the speakers of the car. “My mom asked me to call you guys. Most everyone went back to Carp Tower since it’s late but you might want to stop by here first y’know?”

Zixuan glanced at Guangyao. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window. 

early tuesday morning 

  


guangyao reaches out to xichen and mingjue about class 


	60. Talking

do you want to sit with me? 

  
  
  
  


sorry 

  


exceptionally 

  
  


rando fish 

  
  


unstanning 

  


Wangji wasn’t sure what was wrong, or to what to degree, but something was definitely wrong. 

Wuxian was being very distant and he wasn’t sure why. 

It wasn’t that he expected Wuxian to talk to him all the time or want to hang out all the time; that just wasn’t realistic to expect of anyone. 

But it was the way Wuxian was turning him down. He wasn’t doing it in his typical way. 

He wasn’t even really participating in class. He spoke up so rarely compared to how active he was in class discussion before. 

Wangji wasn’t sure which of Wuxian’s friends was the best to ask so he really just decided on a whim as their Art & Philosophy course was clearing out. Wuxian left with Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning so his options narrowed quite fast. 

Wangji glanced at Jin Zixuan and Nie Huaisang. Well… Their brothers were friends… Maybe there was a possibility of being friends with Wangji at some point. Maybe they’d talk to him about Wuxian. 

Wangji walked up to them as they gathered their things. 

“Yeah you can look at my response,” Huaisang said. “How long do you have to make it up?”

“... Tonight.”

Huaisang raised an eyebrow, “Why are you just now asking then?”

Zixuan scratched the back of his head, “I… forgot about it?”

Wangji cleared his throat. 

They turned in surprise. 

“Hi,” Huaisang replied. 

Wangji glanced at Zixuan standing behind Huaisang before looking back at him. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Huaisang said slowly. What could Lan Wangji possibly want to ask him? 

Wangji seemed really unsure of himself. “... About Wei… Wuxian?”

Huaisang blinked. _Oh_. “Oh.”

Zixuan bit back a laugh, “Alright I’ll see you in class.” He walked by Wangji, “See you,” he added. 

the natural order of things 

  
  
  


everyone should listen to me 

  


oh? 

share with the class 

  
  


introducing a new character? huaisang’s local fbi agent? you? idk 

  


zizhen finally writes in the group chat 

  
  
  


we don’t have to talk 

the tl...... 

  
  


“Okay, but can you tell me what Wuxian’s tweet was about,” Jin Ling sighed.

“What tweet?” Zizhen continued getting ready for bed, though he didn’t expect to fall asleep for quite some time. 

“From yesterday?”

“... I don’t know?”

Jin Ling, unbelieving, “Didn’t Jingyi tell you?”

“No.”

Jin Ling narrowed his eyes.

Zizhen stared back. “I really don’t know. I’m sure it’s about Wangji. Just ask Jingyi.”

“No, he never answers my questions.”

“That’s… Not true,” Zizhen laughed. “Give me your phone.”

caught 

  



	61. Spontaneous With You

noise 

Wuxian was still sad. He wasn’t ignoring Wangji so flat out like before, but he was still sad. So, well… Wangji was going to try and fix it. 

The first thing he did was text Sizhui. If anyone was going to know the answer, Sizhui would. 

The second thing he did was drive to the store, because he absolutely did not have what he needed. 

The third thing he did was lie to his uncle. “I’m going to be sleeping over Xingchen’s,” he said before leaving. 

That wasn’t a complete lie. 

It was nearly 11PM though.

“It’s too late for you to be out,” Lan Qiren replied tiredly. 

“I’m not staying up,” that was a lie. “We’re going to get lunch with Song Lan tomorrow,” not a lie. 

Xichen was already asleep but he would know immediately that Wangji was lying to their uncle. 

Wangji was grateful he wasn’t in the room at this moment, because the lies just kept coming.

just having a bit of a mini crisis 

  
  


“Are you still processing,” Wuxian asked. 

“Mn.”

“You didn’t need to come by tonight. I thought you were going to take baby steps?”

Well… He had been. He had been taking his time going home from Wuxian’s. And he was giving his uncle vague reasons for not being around a lot. But.. “You’ve been upset…” He focused his attention on the counter before him.

“So you’re here to distract me.”

“Mn… You can distract me too,” he calmly rolled the ends of his sleeves. “Let’s bake.”

Wuxian smiled. “Y’know, I love chocolate chip cookies,” he pulled out the cookie sheet. 

“I’ve heard.”

“How many are we making?”

Wangji washed his hands. “As many as we can.”

The music from the downstairs neighbors vibrated through the floorboards. They looked at each other. “Are you opposed to challenging that?”

“No.”

too many captions for this 

  
  


Wuxian was going to lose his mind. Once Wangji really got going with the cookie making, he really got going. They were on their third cookie sheet already. Wuxian watched Wangji open the oven door and pull out the first sheet. 

It was wildly domestic to see Wangji with his sleeves rolled, his hair tied back neatly, walking around the kitchen with an obnoxiously purple oven mitt on. “Cookie that sheet,” Wangji pointed down. “We’re not out of dough yet.”

_Cookie that sheet,_ Wuxian laughed to himself and kept spooning out the dough. “We should’ve made cookies before.”

“It’s fun,” Wangji started the timer again, not that they’d hear it, but this time he vowed to be more attentive. The first batch was just a tad too crispy. “We don’t bake in my house.”

“You don’t?”

“Not unless we’re celebrating something.”

“Celebrate a Tuesday,” Wuxian suggested. 

“... What is there to celebrate on a Tuesday?”

Wuxian shrugged. “That it’s not Monday? That Wednesday follows? That you had some water? You can decide.”

“Do you celebrate Tuesdays?”

“I do. I have Tuesdays off from work.”

“Do you think I could celebrate Thursdays?”

“Sure! Why not? What’s Thursday to you?”

Wangji moved the fresh cookies onto a plate to free up the sheet. “The end of my week. Fridays I just work; no classes.”

“ _Ooh_. That’s a good one. Celebrate Thursday! Go and bake to your heart’s content,” Wuxian beamed. “And then send me pictures of what you made.”

“Okay,” Wangji nodded. “I will celebrate Thursday.” 

Wangji kind of liked the idea. Of just… Celebrating something to celebrate it. 

Maybe he could do some serious meditating through the week leading up to Thursday as well, for the lying. Seemed like a nice way to end his week. 

Maybe he could make something to share with Wuxian. 

five dozen 

  


[ _Oh don’t you dare look back_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4kbj5MwxO1bq9wjT5g9HaA?si=6a36b48735334433)

[ _Just keep your eyes on me_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/4kbj5MwxO1bq9wjT5g9HaA?si=6a36b48735334433)

Wangji and Wuxian stared at their mountain of cookies. “Well shit…” 

The downstairs neighbors turned off their music. Wangji looked to Wuxian, “I think we won?”

_We were victims of the night_

_The chemical, physical, kryptonite_

Wuxian laughed and turned the music up just a little louder. He danced around the kitchen and started to clean up. With the music louder there was no point in talking to be honest. “ _Oh don’t you dare look back! Just keep your eyes on me_ -”

Wangji couldn’t help but smirk as Wuxian moved around him. 

He couldn’t help that he couldn’t take his eyes off of Wuxian. 

He couldn’t help but want to dance with him… 

Did this count as Wuxian asking him to dance?

Wuxian waved a cookie around, “ _Oh shut up and dance with me-”_

Wangji reached out and grabbed his hand as he spun by. 

They were supposed to dance in the kitchen at some point. They never rescheduled...

Wuxian was taken aback, and he couldn’t help but be a little wide eyed holding both of Wangji’s hands, dancing like two idiots, turning up the dramatics as seconds ticked by.

This was the Wangji that Wuxian told his friends about. The one they weren’t so sure existed. The one who let his walls down with a little bit of time on his side. The one who was less afraid to smile. The one who spoke a little louder. The one who laughed like he wasn’t bound to restrictions. The one who was wildly endearing.

Wangji didn’t really do this. He watched his friends do this more than anything. Sometimes they’d grab his hand and twirl him around, and he’d give a small smile, or a quiet chuckle. But he didn’t do… _this_. 

[ _Eighteen thousand year-old-soul_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3JxaZPq4UjkOaxnpyMUtAC?si=864cd78261e246b1)

[ _Midwest shooting start_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3JxaZPq4UjkOaxnpyMUtAC?si=864cd78261e246b1)

This… singing a little off key. 

_You gotta look in your eyes-_

This… dancing a little recklessly. 

_I knew you in a past life_ -

This… his arms around another boy. 

Wuxian, still holding Wangji’s hands, spun so Wangji’s arms were around him. “ _One glance and the avalanche… drops!”_ He spun away dramatically, his fingers slipping from Wangji’s hands. “ _One look and my heartbeat… stops!”_ He laughed happily, “ _Ships pass in the night. I don’t want to wait ‘til the next life.”_

This was the Wuxian that Wangji wanted the world to see. To understand. 

The one who was bubbly and giggly. The one who was _filled_ with music and life. The one with… the most beautiful smile, and the brightest light in his eyes. The one who made _him_ smile. The one who made _him_ feel comfortable. 

The one who would give him everything he had ever missed out on. 

The briefest moment of silence when the song ended. Wuxian laughed, a little out of breath. “We should’ve settled on a time and date sooner.”

[ _The real life love is under the mirror of the surface_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/71wT7aMCFPYfzutF66OLac?si=8fbd335fcc9140a9)

“Sometimes spontaneous is better,” Wangji replied. 

_You gotta risk your neck, know in your heart it will be worth it._

“While I fully agree, you don’t seem the spontaneous type, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian smirked, turning the music down slightly. “You’re very structured. _Very_ structured.”

_All I know is-_

“I’ll be spontaneous with you.”

_-I wanna be here with you from now on._

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian dropped his hand over his heart. “Where is this character development coming from?”

_Step by step I’ve been letting you lead me to the deep end._

“You.”

“I-” Wuxian paused. 

Well that’s just not fair. Wangji didn’t know the weight of what he was saying to Wuxian. Wuxian had half a mind to reach out and kiss the boy if he didn’t think it would scare him off. 

Wuxian smiled and pushed the thought to the back of his head. “Well I am _honored_. I’m excited for the day you pull up and whisk me away on our ghostie road trip.”

So was Wangji.

_Head first, no regrets, and no rules._

_We can stay as long as we want._


	62. Beans Talking?

Zizhen was awake- of course he was awake. 

He heard Jin Ling huffing and puffing periodically, unable to get comfortable. 

A few hours had passed and Jin Ling eventually got out of bed in frustration. 

Zizhen, with his eyes closed and struggling to sleep himself, finally spoke. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Zizhen scoffed. “Okay.”

“I can’t sleep, this bed is rock solid.”

“My bed is significantly harder than yours, but I mean if you want to climb on in,” Zizhen sat up and patted the space beside him.

“No. I’m fine.”

“You’re about to lay on the floor,” Zizhen deadpanned. “That’s… the actual hardest surface in the room.”

Jin Ling whined and grabbed a blanket, stomping towards the door.

“ _Where_ are you going?”

“To the end lounge.”

Zizhen rolled his eyes, “Just-” he pulled his blankets back and patted the mattress again.

Jin Ling didn’t react. 

“Oh my god,” Zizhen sat up. “Then get in your bed and _I’ll_ climb in.”

Jin Ling paused… “Okay fine.” He stomped back to his bed and pulled himself up. Zizhen was amused to say the least. “ _Zizhen_ ,” Jin Ling huffed. “Are you coming or not?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zizhen tied his hair up before he climbed into Jin Ling’s bed. Last time they cuddled, Zizhen woke up to Jin Ling on his hair. He wasn’t going to deal with a grump like him being annoyed for moving his arm. 

Zizhen quietly got comfortable and waited for Jin Ling to reach back like he always did. 

But this time Jin Ling moved back towards Zizhen first, closer than he was usually comfortable with. 

He reached back for Zizhen’s wrist, and draped his arm over his waist. 

Zizhen expected Jin Ling to fall asleep not long after. He himself was struggling to stay awake after quite some time passed. 

But Jin Ling was still awake. 

He yawned and shifted slightly, but remained silent. 

Zizhen couldn’t keep his eyes open. “Why are you awake,” he muttered. 

“Don’t know.”

Zizhen was so out of it he wasn’t really sure he was actually speaking words until he heard Jin Ling reply. “Did you wanna try the end lounge?”

“No, it’s okay.” He didn’t sound nearly as frustrated as before. He sounded much more calm. 

“Push the couches together.”

“What?”

“End lounge. Push ‘em together.”

Jin Ling sighed. “I’m not going to the end lounge.”

“Mn.”

Jin Ling’s hand brushed over Zizhen’s.

Zizhen’s eyes opened.

need to talk 

  


it’s been 20 minutes 

  


zizhen can’t explain things for the life of him, he's a mess 

  
  


  


answer 

what’s okay with you 

  


not comfortable 

  


still friends 

  
  


“Alright good day,” Wuxian locked up the safe. “Thanks for coming by to help at the end, Jingyi.”

“I am but a speck of dirt,” Zixuan muttered over his phone.

“What did you even do,” Wuxian questioned. 

Zixuan scoffed. “Can you just hurry up so I can drive you guys back?”

“What hot date do you have,” Wuxian rolled his eyes. “Stop rushing me.”

“My hot date is Wen Ning and noodles,” Zixuan replied dully.

Jingyi was quiet, leaning against the door. He wasn’t in too much of a rush. But that kind of made him feel like shit at the same time. He had barely seen Sizhui in the last couple days besides late at night. 

Jingyi was overly bitter with the way everything was going lately and he was starting to worry that he was going to start being snappy with Sizhui. He really didn’t want to do that. So he tried to busy himself elsewhere but… It only tired him out even more.

“What’s wrong with you,” Zixuan made a face, looking up at Jingyi. “You have _quite_ the bitch face right now.”

“I’m fine.”

Zixuan tilted his head. Clearly that was a lie. 

“I’m just going to walk back,” Jingyi muttered, leaving Lotus Root before another word could be said. 

Zixuan watched him leave but it didn’t sit right with him… “Wuxian I’m outside,” he yelled for Wuxian to hear from the backroom. 

“Okay!”

Zixuan followed Jingyi, jogging up behind him. He grabbed onto his wrist, “Hey-”

“What,” Jingyi turned around. 

“What’s going on?”

Jingyi clenched and unclenched his jaw. “Nothing, Zixuan. I’m just not in a rush to get back right now,” he pulled his hand away.

“Let’s go for a drive.”

Jingyi was quiet.

“Let’s go,” Zixuan nudged him towards the car. 

Wuxian called out as he locked the door to Lotus Root, “I call shotgun!”

keys 

“All set?” 

Sizhui nodded at Huaisang. 

“Alright, let’s go,” he looped his arm through Sizhui’s. “Where do you want to go?”

They turned onto the sidewalk and started walking towards the downtown area. 

“I didn’t think that far ahead,” Sizhui laughed. 

“Let’s decide when we get there,” Huaisang hummed, letting go of Sizhui. “ _Wait_ , let’s get milkshakes after!”

“You know, I’ve been meaning to try their whole menu,” Sizhui started. “But I keep getting the same thing. Maybe I’ll-”

A massive black car blaring music and driving toward them grabbed Huaisang’s attention. He glanced at the license plate as it passed by. 

zixuan dropped wuxian off at home 

  
  


Zixuan let Jingyi pick the music he wanted to listen to. “You pay for Spotify?”

He blinked. “Yes.”

Jingyi nodded as he looked for an album. “I just struggle through the ads.”

“I would have assumed that you just stole your music.”

Jingyi pursed his lips. “I will never verbally admit to doing such a thing.”

Zixuan smirked to himself. “Well if you don’t want the ads let me know. I’ll add you to my family plan.”

“With how many there are of you I would’ve assumed that it was already at max capacity,” Jingyi decided on a song. 

“Brave to assume I do anything with my family,” Zixuan laughed. “Jin Ling isn’t even on it. We only started talking because of our friends. I only pay for myself, Wen Ning, Huaisang, and Mianmian…” Zixuan paused and turned the song up. “Can you add this to my playlist?”

[ _Feel like I’m gonna puke ‘cause my taxes are due_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/53BHUFdQphHiZUUG3nx9zn?si=b1e958da5b7e4fed)

[ _Do my password begin with a one or a two?_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/53BHUFdQphHiZUUG3nx9zn?si=b1e958da5b7e4fed)

Zixuan caught a glimpse of two people walking down the sidewalk by campus as he drove up the road. 

_Been a hell of ride but I’m thinkin’ it’s time to grow_

Zixuan looked back as he passed to see Sizhui and Huaisang; Huaisang watched the car pass by. 

_-Metronome-_

“Add it to Huaisang’s too.”

son??? 

  
  


4 is still 4 

  
  



	63. Zixun Slander Only Please

Jingyi wasn’t really sure how he got in this situation but he was growing increasingly uncomfortable. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have asked Wuxian to get breakfast with him. 

Because then they wouldn’t be in this situation. 

“You’re not even remotely curious why he wanted out of Carp Tower,” Zixun asked Guangyao two booths over. 

Wuxian wanted to turn around… But he also wanted to know what was going on. 

“No. Not particularly,” Guangyao replied. 

“I overheard Auntie Fengling the other day. She thinks he’s hiding something. Or that he’s going to _leave_ leave,” Zixun put his glass down. “Maybe he should.”

Wuxian’s leg started bouncing.

“Don’t-”

“-You’d like that I’m sure,” Zixun smirked. “I’ve noticed you stepping up more now that he’s gone-”

“-Zixun-”

“Just saying,” he leaned back. “I’m sure Uncle has noticed that you take things more seriously than Zixuan. All he does is-”

boss lady and hackerman 

more or less 

wuxian & yanli 

  


bless my ears 

  
  


COMPLETE THE MUTUAL in zixuan’s mentions 

  


WELP 

  
  


The moment he got back Jingyi crawled into Sizhui’s bed despite him working at his desk. Sizhui turned in his seat to look at Jingyi. “You okay?”

Jingyi turned his back to Sizhui and pulled the blankets over his head. “I miss Zizhen.”

Sizhui didn’t have anything to say anymore. He used to tell Jingyi that Zizhen would come back, but he just wasn’t so sure anymore. 

Zizhen wouldn’t let Sizhui in. If Sizhui was in, he could help Zizhen get out of his own head…

Sizhui just frowned and bit the inside of his cheek. 

Jingyi pushed the blankets back again and rolled onto his back. “Also Wuxian and I overheard Jin Zixun talking shit about Zixuan.”

“I really don’t like that guy.”

Jingyi lip curled in disgust, “Does anyone?”

* * *

Zixuan was not particularly fond of seeing Zixun right now. Not after his conversation with Wuxian and Yanli. And why the fuck was he smirking at him like that? “Can I help you?”

Jin Ling wrapped his hand around Fairy’s leash. 

Zixun raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me? What are you even doing back home?”

“I,” Zixuan blinked. “Sorry why aren’t you asking them,” he motioned to Jin Ling and Guangyao.

“I don’t care about Meng Yao-”

“Thanks,” Guangyao grumbled, keeping his focus on the lunch he was making himself. 

“-Guangyao-” Zixuan and Jin Ling corrected him. 

“-And this big baby missed his dog-”

Jin Ling frowned, “Hey!” He grabbed a couple dog treats and scoffed on his way out.

“Do I really need a reason,” Zixuan asked. “I have more of a reason to be at Carp Tower than you,” he pointed out. “What exactly have you done to uphold the Jin reputation? All you do is spend your days shit talking people and causing problems. I’m sure Uncle is quite disappointed.”

Guangyao’s eyes widened; he continued stirring, pretending he didn’t hear anything.

“ _Excuse_ me? What have I ever done to you? I’d watch yourself.”

“I think you and I both know what you’ve been saying about me to other’s,” Zixuan replied. “Not to mention everything you’ve been saying about my friends? And _to_ my friends?”

Zixun glared at Guangyao’s back. He assumed Guangyao said something. But he never did. 

“Things have a way of biting you in the ass when you talk shit in public,” Zixuan added, pulling Zixun’s glare back to himself. “If you didn’t want me to find out, you should really keep your mouth shut on things you know nothing about. But if you’d like to go ahead and say it to my face,” Zixuan motioned for him to continue. Silence. “I’m probably the last person you want to piss off.” 

Zixun glanced at Guangyao again-

“I’m right here,” Zixuan stated. “If you’re looking for a snarky comeback, don’t bother.”

“There you are,” Guangshan walked into the kitchen. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Zixuan shifted his eyes to his father and smiled brightly, “Sorry Dad! I got to talking with Zixun and didn’t realize what time it was.”

Guangshan took in his appearance. “Why are you dressed like that?”

Zixuan looked down at his dark form fitting clothes. “Ah… I was working out,” he lied. 

“Why don’t you go change and we can meet,” Guangshan suggested. He glanced between Guangyao and Zixun. “I’ll be seeing you at dinner,” he looked back at Zixuan. “Ten minutes.”

“Yes sir,” Zixuan confirmed. He watched his father leave the kitchen before looking back at Zixun. “See you at dinner.” He let his hair fall from the neat bun he had in place as he walked out. “See ya, Guangyao,” he called over his shoulder. 

Zixun looked to Guangyao.

Guangyao shrugged, “Wuxian heard you.”

“You couldn’t let me know in advance?”

“You dug yourself that hole,” Guangyao pointed out. “Besides, what’s the point in warning you when Zixuan would never believe you over Wuxian in a million years?”


	64. b3ans

Zizhen never found an opening to talk to Jin Ling. 

Well.. He did try once but Jin Ling shut that down real quick. 

And immediately stopped offering to cuddle at night. And kept a larger physical distance with Zizhen. 

Zizhen hadn’t even really gotten to the point but Jin Ling hadn’t wanted him to. He wanted to avoid it entirely.

But Jin Ling knew it was coming again soon and he really… He really just didn’t want to have that conversation at all. 

If Zizhen could tell Jin Ling what happened between him and their friends, maybe he could help and get him the fuck out of the room all the time and not be so sad. Because a sad Zizhen meant a clingier Zizhen, and that spelled trouble for Jin Ling. Both because he was clingy and because he was sad. 

Jin Ling didn’t like a sad Zizhen… 

And the pout?

_ No, no, no _ , Jin Ling shook his head. 

“God what is going  _ on _ ,” Jin Ling snapped. 

“What?”

“I’m going crazy over here. Can you just tell me what you guys are fighting about?”

Zizhen wanted to yell. He hated this. So much. “I’ve been talking to them,” Zizhen countered. 

“Yeah, bare minimum,” Jin Ling pointed out in annoyance. “You don’t stay around for long, you barely talk in the group chat. You’re so  _ quiet _ , Zizhen. You are not a quiet person!”

“Maybe I’m trying to be.”

“Well don’t! I’m going crazy. What did they even do?”

“They didn’t do anything,” Zizhen snapped. “I did.”

“Then  _ apologize _ ,” Jin Ling near begged. “Please, I hate this.”

“I did! Okay, Jin Ling? I apologized. I said sorry. A lot. For screwing things up. For trying to help fix it. For inevitably: not. I’m sorry that everything is different now, okay? I’m sorry!”

“Zizhen just tell me what happened-”

“I can’t,” Zizhen ran his hand over his face. He stood up and shoved his laptop into his bag and grabbed a couple of his notebooks.

“Where are you going?”

“Going to the library where my silence won’t be so deafening,” he grumbled. 

“That is  _ not _ what I meant.”

you’re not mean you’re just dense

1 

Jingyi knew Zizhen was in the library because of Jin Ling’s text about an hour before. He didn’t bother going to look for him. 

  


He meant it when he told Jin Ling to give him space. Approaching a frustrated Zizhen when he didn’t want to talk, and trying to push him to? 

  


It would only make him more upset. 

  


He needed time to process.

  


Jingyi knew that even when he saw Zizhen’s tweet about his laptop. 

  


Jingyi knew Zizhen needed space but decided to take a quick peek upstairs anyways. 

  


Zizhen had his head down in front of his open laptop, his phone off to the side. 

  


It broke his heart to see. 

He didn’t make any noise when he walked up to Zizhen’s table. He silently took the laptop and sat across from him. 

He felt the bottom of the laptop; it was overheating. Quite bad too. It likely shut off before any serious damage was done. 

Jingyi turned the laptop back on with ease. Zizhen probably felt defeated when it shut off and didn’t bother to see if it would turn back on. But that was probably okay, considering how hot it was. 

Zizhen lifted his head at the sound of the laptop fan kicking back on. 

Jingyi checked Zizhen’s recent documents; they were still there. He wasn’t entirely sure that it was the most recent work that Zizhen had done but the last autosave  _ was _ within the last half hour. 

Zizhen rested his head on his folded forearms and watched Jingyi silently. 

Jingyi reached into his own bag and pulled out a USB to download the documents from the last couple days onto it, just in case. He didn’t want to leave Zizhen in a position where he had nothing to work with. 

While they downloaded onto the USB he looked down at the two laptops in his bag… He didn’t want to, but he’d have to give Zizhen the second one; he couldn’t not have access to his schoolwork either. 

He pulled out the heavier laptop and turned it on. He completely ignored all the folders on the desktop and uploaded the USB folder into the center for Zizhen. 

He turned off both laptops, sliding his towards Zizhen. Jingyi grabbed the charger and held it out for Zizhen. 

Zizhen blinked and took it slowly, passing him his own charger. 

Jingyi put Zizhen’s laptop into his own bag and muttered, “I’ll bring it back after I fix it. If you need anything else off of it beforehand let me know.”

“... But your work?”

Jingyi zipped his bag and smiled softly at Zizhen. “It’s not my school laptop.”

“Ah, Jingyi,” Zizhen shook his head.

“Just don’t accidentally delete Wuxian’s folder,” Jingyi stood up. “The password to the laptop is ‘beans’, all lowercase, 3 for the ‘e’.”

Zizhen nodded, pulling the laptop towards him. “Thank you...”

Jingyi replied equally as quiet, “Get some rest, Ouyang.”

Zizhen didn’t bother going back to his assignment after that. 

He could revisit it in the morning. He didn’t want to turn on the laptop yet. He didn’t want to try and redirect his mind to the words he had been working on. 

So he trudged back to his room only to find it already dark. 

He’d apologize to Jin Ling in the morning for yelling…

Jin Ling sat up as Zizhen closed the door. “You can turn the light on if you want.”

Zizhen shuffled out of his things, careful to put his bag down. “I’m alright.”

“Okay…” He laid back down.  _ Space… Give him space _ ... “Goodnight.”

Zizhen sighed, braiding his hair with slow fingers. “Rulan?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry,” Zizhen said. “For yelling. And getting mad at you. It’s not your fault.”

“It’s okay,” Jin Ling said slowly. “I don’t know what’s going on, but… You’re allowed to be upset. I shouldn’t have pushed.” 

Not quite what Jingyi advised.

“Mn.”

He’d probably regret it later for opening that door again but, “If you can’t sleep later you can sleep here if you want.” No response. “It’s fine.”

“Okay.”


	65. Not a Crush?

Wuxian kind of felt like he was going crazy. And he didn’t really understand why. 

Wasn’t this just a crush? Didn’t he just have a crush on Wangji?

That was nothing. 

He’s had crushes before. But he’s never been so… attached to the person. He’s never been this close to a person. He’s never hoped for something… realistic…

He didn’t picture the bigger picture with Wangji. He was sure it was nice. But he didn’t want to miss out on the immediate future. Maybe he could hold his hand one day. Maybe a hug, even if it was brief.

_Maybe_ he could even kiss him one day. 

He couldn’t imagine the bigger picture before getting the small little details. He wanted those. Even if it wasn’t always so easy, even if it wasn’t smooth sailing. 

Even as friends, it hasn’t been smooth sailing. There were a few bumps, some awkward moments, some things he wished he hadn’t said. But that was normal. And it was okay. Because they were still okay.

If this was a just normal crush, none of the small details would matter to him. He could’ve imagined them dating three years from now, Lan Qiren entirely out of the picture, maybe they just moved in together and it was likely they would get married. 

But that was laughable. It always _was_ when it was a crush. Because… A crush didn’t mean anything. Not really. Not until something happened. Otherwise it was just wishful thinking.

A crush only got you so far. And the smallest thing could shatter whatever potentially false beliefs you had made of the person. 

But that didn’t happen with Wangji. 

He just found more reasons to like him. More reasons to trust him. More reasons to admire him. More reasons to want him.

More and more reasons.

“Want to sleepover,” Wuxian asked, pulling out of the parking lot. 

“I can’t.”

“One day?”

“One day.” Wangji smirked out the window at [the song](https://open.spotify.com/track/0WIW8hDFzC1OYX5tRQCMnl?si=c4d1bafba7b14b4e) that Wuxian put on.

Wuxian turned the music down slightly. “Why is your brother using your car again?’

“My uncle took his. He is getting his oil changed.”

“Hm… Aren’t you sick of me yet? Don’t you want to do something with your other friends?”

“No… Are you sick of me?”

Wuxian laughed, “Me? Sick of you? Absolutely not. I just assumed since we always do the same things that you’d get tired of it.”

“We don’t do the same things,” Wangji countered. “Did you want to? We could dance in the kitchen again. Play the same songs.”

“I know you’re kidding, but I would _like_ that very much,” Wuxian mused. 

“Do you want to paint some pottery?”

“I-”

“...”

“ _Paint pottery?_ ”

“Yes? Do you not like that?”

“I mean,” Wuxian blinked. “Well I’ve never done it? Is it like a paint-by-numbers thing?”

“I… Could put some numbers on it for you?”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“... So,” Wuxian started slowly. “Did you want to do that now? Or?”

“No. I’m hungry.”

FOLLOW ME BACK. COMPLETE THE MUTUAL. no one is funnier than wangji 

  


high hopes 

  
  



	66. Two Players

sizhui is at wen ning’s 

  


“You were just misinterpreting,” Jingyi assured him. 

“The whole reading?” Zizhen huffed tiredly.

“It’s okay,” Jingyi closed the laptop. “It happens sometimes!”

“I’m just tired,” Zizhen rubbed his eyes.

“Are you sleeping any better,” Jingyi asked cautiously.

“A bit. I’m just tired of the coursework; of thinking. I worked ahead and had to go back on a lot of it.”

“Why did you go ahead?”

Zizhen started biting his nails. Jingyi frowned at the reaction to the question. “Just keeping busy…” He dropped his hand, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Looking… Sad. I’m _fine_.”

“How’s the, uh… Jin Ling thing going? You haven’t said anything about it since the one time. Are you guys okay?”

“Fine,” Zizhen shrugged. “There’s… Nothing to say about it. I didn’t really get to talk to him. Tried, but. Well, it’s Jin Ling, so it didn’t work.”

“Are you going to try again?”

“No,” Zizhen sighed, “I think I’ve made it obvious that I’ll talk to him about it if he wants so… Up to him… How are things with you and Sizhui?”

“Could be better.”

Well he didn’t like that response. “What’s going on?”

Jingyi shrugged, “I’m mean-”

“-You’re not-”

“-Sizhui is sad. You’re gone,” he shrugged again. “Could be better.”

“You’re not mean,” Zizhen repeated. 

“Bitter. I’m bitter,” he corrected. 

Zizhen looked down at his hands. That was his fault wasn’t it?

“Please come back, Zizhen.”

“I want to.”

Jingyi cupped Zizhen’s chin, making him look at him. “So come back.”

Zizhen didn’t want Jingyi to stop touching him. “I can’t yet."

“Why not?”

“I don’t think I can just jump back into how everything was. I need to… Work on _me_ first, if that’s okay? I just… Feel so guilty. _So_ guilty. I-I’m nervous that will translate into how I am around you guys, and I’m scared I’ll accidentally just push you farther away if I try to pretend everything is okay. It’s not fair to you. To do that… Is that okay?”

Jingyi smiled sadly, “Yeah baby, that’s okay.”

“Can you tell Sizhui?” Zizhen asked. “Can you tell him that I just… Need a minute…”

“Sure, I can do that,” Jingyi tucked Zizhen’s hair behind his ear. 

indirect conversation 

  


“Well I say he’s quite happy,” Jingyi said following Zizhen to the door. _A good sign._

“It’s not hard to be happy when Sizhui is happy,” Zizhen said. 

“Very true,” Jingyi agreed. He was upset at the current situation but he was hopeful. And he was going to hold onto that for now. 

“I guess I’ll see you later?”

“Goodnight, Ouyang.”

“‘Night, Jingyi.”

Neither moved. 

Jingyi wanted to kiss Zizhen.

Zizhen wanted to kiss Jingyi. 

Maybe they could…

Zizhen pulled Jingyi closer to him when he had instinctively leaned in. 

Jingyi’s lips ghosted over his but… He pulled away. He couldn’t kiss him knowing he might not be able to for… well who knows how long? 

They’ve already kissed goodbye. He didn’t want to again. Not when he was trying to fix things. 

Zizhen spoke quietly, “Remember when we challenged each other? To see how long we could last without kissing each other this semester?”

“You broke first because of Sizhui’s video,” Jingyi nodded. 

“... Let’s play that again… Just you and me.”


	67. Sometimes It's Okay To Lie

Sizhui beamed, “Thank you for making me lunch!”

“Mn,” Wangji watched as his rabbit, Twizzler crawled into Sizhui’s lap. “We haven’t talked in a while.”

“We really haven’t. Not too much of a shock that Wuxian and his friends were unaware that we were friends,” he scratched behind the soft bunny ears. 

“Mn.”

“You talked about him a lot today,” Sizhui pointed out, smiling down at Twizzler. “Wuxian, I mean.”

“... Did I?”

“Mhm.”

“Sorry.”

“For what?” Sizhui questioned. “What’s he sorry for, Twizzy,” he let the bunny scamper over to Wangji.

“He’s just… A very good friend..”

Sizhui looked up, hoping he could read Wangji’s expression. It was blank as ever. But the way he picked invisible fuzzies off his clothes was incredibly telling. 

Wangji met Sizhui’s narrowed eyes. “You talk about Jingyi a lot.”

Sizhui leaned back on his hands. “I sure do. Because he’s  _ my  _ very good friend.”

Wangji blinked and focused his attention back to the white bunny moving around the room. 

He knew about Sizhui and Jingyi. Of course he had. His uncle was quite vocal about it back when he saw them kiss; he made sure Wangji kept his distance from Sizhui for a while.

On cue, Lan Qiren opened the door and peeked inside. “Oh,” he looked down at Sizhui. “Hello Sizhui.”

Sizhui straightened his posture and dipped his head politely, “Hello sir.”

“It’s been a while… How is Jingyi?”

Sizhui feigned curiosity, “Hmm? Jingyi? I suppose he’s alright.” He giggled cutely, “Though he has this really big crush on someone in his class right now, so I guess he’s better than alright.”

“Oh? Who?”

“Zhuoxuan I think? I’m not sure,” he laughed apologetically. “He talks about her most to our friend Jin Ling.”

“Good for him. And you?”

“I promised my aunt and uncle: no girlfriends freshman year! They want me to focus on my studies.”

“Smart,” Lan Qiren finally cracked a smile. “Are you staying for dinner later?”

“I’m actually just visiting; my aunt will be home soon so I planned on helping her with dinner tonight.”

“Very well,” he nodded. “Drive him home; it’s supposed to rain soon,” he told his nephew.

Sizhui waited for the door to close and the sound of Lan Qiren’s retreating steps before leaning back on his hands.

“Zhuoxuan? Isn’t she from high school?”

“Yes.”

“I thought she was enrolled at Baling University?”

“Is she?” Sizhui tilted his head. “I don’t know; it was the first name I thought of.”

“You don’t think he will realize you lied?”

“No,” Sizhui shook his head. “He hasn’t any other time.”

“Should you be telling me this?”

“Should I not be?”

Wangji hummed quietly. “Are you dating Jingyi?”

“I am.”

“Aren’t you scared?”

“How I feel about him far outweighs the feeling of needing to run from it. I’m not scared to the point of leaving, I’m scared to the point of lying. I am very much okay lying until I’m blue in the face,” Sizhui replied. 

Wangji didn’t reply. 

“It’s okay to lie about some things.”

Wangji swallowed hard. His bunny hopped into his lap and reached up towards his face with his little nose. “I… Uh,” he stopped and shook his head to start over. “Can I ask when you realized Jingyi… wasn’t just a friend?”

Sizhui smiled softly. 


	68. Gay Sleuths

Well this was unexpected… 

Huaisang dove into the bushes. 

Wuxian dropped heavily onto the ground beside him. “I am… So very confused,” he whispered loudly.

“ _ Shh _ ,” Huaisang nudged him. “I’m pretty sure he saw us.”

“Did you see what he handed Guangshan,” Wuxian asked. 

Huaisang nudged him again as he peered around the bush; Wen Chao stalked past them from a distance. Wuxian parted the leaves and watched him. 

“Do you think Guangshan saw us too?”

“I really hope not,” Huaisang leaned back against the building. “I need him to like me.”

“I think this could qualify as the crime part of our agenda,” Wuxian kept his voice quiet. 

“Great, let’s go be gay.”

They looked at each other and at the same time jokingly asked, “Wanna make out?”

They scoffed and pushed each other in disgust. “I’m taken, how dare you ask me,” Wuxian scoffed.

“No you’re not,” Huaisang rolled his eyes. “Besides, I’ve far surpassed the need to ever kiss you again.”

“I think I take offense to that-”

“What are you doing-”

Wuxian and Huaisang yelled in surprise at Jiang Cheng standing over them; he yelled back.

“Get down,” they grabbed his robes and pulled him behind the bush. 

“ _ Shh _ ,” Huaisang shushed him aggressively.

“What are you doing here,” Jiang Cheng asked again.

“Keep your voice down, we’re hiding from Wen Chao,” Wuxian warned. 

“He’s gone,” he pointed out. “I saw you guys running behind the bush. When I saw Wen Chao go by I thought you’d pop back out but you didn’t.”

“Mind your business, Jiang Cheng,” Wuxian narrowed his eyes.

“You-”

“ _ Shh _ -”

“Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng stopped him from shushing. “He’s gone.”

“What are you even doing on campus right now,” Wuxian asked. 

“I had to return something to the library-”

“Hi,” Wangji peeked over the bush. 

Huaisang clutched his chest in surprise.

“-And I ran into Wangji,” he added. 

Wangji looked at the three of them. “Why are you all sitting behind a bush?”

Wuxian laughed nervously, pushing himself to a stand. “Bush?” He looked down at the bush and patted it, "Oh,  _ this _ thing? Ha ha-”

“...”

“We were hiding, Lan Zhan,” he deadpanned. 

“From?”

“Scary people,” he walked around the bush and started pulling Wangji away. “Huaisang and I were sleuthing.”

“Ah. You were caught.”

“Almost! But, I’ll have you know, Huaisang is quite good at being sneaky.”

Huaisang pushed himself to a stand with a huff. “I hate boys,” he muttered to Jiang Cheng. “They’re so easily distracted.”

Jiang Cheng laughed.


	69. Children

B3ANS lowerscse 

always you too 

oh :(

have some water 

  


clown 

  


today? 

“You look like a mess,” Sizhui laughed as he neared Zizhen. 

Zizhen smiled to himself. He loved hearing Sizhui’s laugh. “Yeah, well,” he stood up from the bench. “We expect nothing less these days.” 

Zizhen hadn’t bothered drying his hair but rather threw it into a loose braid and threw on a pair of sunglasses when Sizhui asked him to go for a walk. “Speaking of ‘these days’,” Sizhui began as they started aimlessly walking towards the downtown area. “What are you up to?”

“I would have assumed that Jingyi has kept you updated on The Happenings.”

“I didn’t ask Jingyi; I’m asking you.”

“I’m really not doing anything, Sizhui.” Zizhen shrugged. “I do homework. I try to build things. I don’t sleep so I think about sleeping until that’s tiring, so I go on my phone and find something to read or watch.”

“What are you building?”

“Well I was attempting to do my dorm building before I went to Jiang Cheng’s yesterday but I gave up pretty fast.”

“Oh, y’know,” Sizhui turned to him excitedly. “You should ask Huaisang for some set designs. Make some miniatures or something.”

“Is this your way of telling me to get into theatre?”

“No-”

Zizhen gave him a pointed look. 

“-Yes.”

“And do what?”

“I just told you,” Sizhui laughed, “Set design.” He gasped, “Wait, Zizhen, do you think you could get your internship credit for it? Oh, y’know, I think you should definitely talk to Huaisang, he can probably tell you exactly who to talk to. Oh-”

“Sizhui, Sizhui,” Zizhen stopped him with a laugh. “I’ll think about it.”

“Are you going to text Huaisang?”

“I didn’t think yet,” Zizhen pointed out. 

“I did; can I text Huaisang?”

“Go ahead,” Zizhen smiled. 

guide me wise one 

twitter updates 

  


I THINK THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO COMPLETE THE MUTUAL 

  
  



	70. Subtweeting

*he is not actually mad at him and he knows that* 

  
  
  


deleted tweets 

  
  


back in time 

  


i- 

  
  


excuse me 

  
  
  



	71. Ghostie Trip Planning

“I say we start in Cloud Recesses,” Wuxian announced. 

Wangji tilted his head. “Why? What’s here?”

“Burial Mounds?”

“It’s haunted?”

Wuxian shrugged, “That’s what Wen Ning always says.”

“I don’t think it is. You just want to go to the bar.”

“Yes. _But_ it could be haunted, we never asked.”

Wangji hummed, “How about we end there?”

“I’ll take it,” Wuxian settled. “Then we can have a sleepover,” he smiled hopefully.

“Then we can have a sleepover,” Wangji agreed slowly. 

“Okay, okay, so which direction should we head in. I think if we come up with a basic road map then we can figure out places to stop. We definitely need to stop in Yiling and Qinghe though. That is a _must_ ,” Wuxian took out a pen. 

“I agree,” Wangji nodded. “But I think Qinghe should be towards the end of the road trip when we are looping back.”

Wuxian smirked and tapped the pen against his head, “Your mind. I see what you’re thinking. There is a lot there. I can ask Huaisang for some ideas.”

“Mn.”

Wuxian scribbled down on the paper in front of him. “Do you think it’s worth stopping in Moling?”

“I do-”

The front door opened to a flustered Zixuan. “Hey guys,” he muttered, distracted. “Is Jiang Cheng in his room?”

“Yeah,” Wuxian didn’t spare him a glance. “Oh, wait!” He spun around. “Are there any ghosties in Lanling?”

“Ghosties,” Zixuan muttered quietly to himself. “Uhm,” he looked up in thought. “No, nothing that you would have access to.”

“What about Carp Tower?”

“You would think, but no, sorry.” Zixuan called over his shoulder as he made his way to Jiang Cheng’s door, “Text Huaisang! There’s tons of places in Qinghe. He knows them all because he avoids them.”

“He can’t possibly avoid them all,” Wangji said quietly, “Can he?”

“Mn,” Wuxian looked back at the map and notebook before him, “Don’t put it past him.”

“Hm.” Wangji thought it was quite impressive actually. “Would he be able to tell us about them, or does he just know where they are?”

“I’m pretty sure he knows: All,” Wuxian chuckled. “He really doesn’t like anything of the sort but he knows his shit. _Hey Zixuan_ ,” Wuxian yelled loudly.

“ _What_ ,” they heard through the door seconds before it opened. “What?”

“How well does Huaisang actually know these places?”

“He has a whole drive dedicated to research,” Zixuan leaned against the doorframe. “Local lore, personal experiences, rumors, evidence,” he shrugged. “If you’re looking for it he has it.”

“Why do so much research on something you don’t like,” Wangji asked. 

“He would rather know everything than know nothing,” Zixuan said. “Not knowing scares him more.”

“Ah,” Wangji nodded. “I can understand that.”

“Does he have a ouija board I can borrow,” Wuxian asked. 

Wangji blinked in surprise.

“What happened to yours?”

“Evil stepmother threw it out,” Wuxian scoffed. 

“ _I heard that_ ,” Jiang Cheng called from his room. 

“I never replaced it,” Wuxian continued casually. 

“Shame. It was a nice one,” Zixuan replied dully. He didn’t really care about it but Wuxian was so excited when he got it a few years back. “Huaisang doesn’t, but Wen Ning has one.”

“Oh good, thanks.” Wuxian turned back to face Wangji.

“We are not using a ouija board,” Wangji replied.

“What, why not?”’

“Ghosts,” Wangji held up one hand, “Demons,” he held up the other. 

Wuxian clicked his tongue and pushed Wangji’s hands down. “ _Fine_.” Wuxian looked down as his phone started ringing. He answered with excitement, “Huaisang!”

“A little birdie told me you were interested in Qinghe-”

“A little birdie or a peacock?”

“Itty bitty peacock,” Huaisang replied. Wuxian put Huaisang on speaker. “What do you want to know?”

Wuxian smirked and looked up at Wangji with excitement. 

not straight aka zizhen and wuxian 

  



	72. Jin Ling Opens Up

Sizhui wanted to be babied, and absolutely no one was paying attention to him. 

He pouted. 

“Okay,  _ all _ I’m saying,” Jingyi raised his voice, “Is that out of all of us, I’m pretty sure I’m the one who is going to end up with a more successful career.”

“I actually resent that,” Zizhen said angrily. “You  _ know _ Jin Ling is like… an  _ heir _ .”

“That’s not a career!”

Sizhui huffed. No one noticed.

“Agree to disagree,” Jin Ling replied. “But Jingyi will probably be some hideaway hacker who steals from the rich.”

“You mean you,” Zizhen said.

“And I  _ love  _ that for me,” Jingyi defended. “But whatever I steal from Jin Ling doesn’t put a dent in what his family  _ actually _ has. That is wrong.”

“What about me,” Sizhui spoke up. 

Jingyi glanced at him and his pout. “I changed my mind, Sizhui is going to be the most successful. I mean  _ look at him _ !”

“Yes, look at me!”

Zizhen thought for a moment. “People would just hand him money if he asked for it. Put this boy on stage and he will steal the hearts of millions.” Zizhen added in a lower voice, “I will design that stage for you-”

“Sizhui,” Jingyi said, “could open a kissing booth and I would pay all the money I steal from Jin Ling for a singular smooch.”

“Okay, booth  _ open _ ,” Sizhui exasperatedly replied. He was annoyed because he  _ had _ been cuddling Zizhen,  _ finally _ might he add, but when Zizhen and Jingyi started arguing he removed himself from Sizhui’s side. 

He left too fast and Sizhui was left feeling the empty space beside him. He hated it. He could’ve just hugged a pillow and listened to the argument progress, like he usually does. But that was not what he was feeling today. He wanted to be cuddled. He was tired, had a crappy week, and wanted to be  _ held _ . Especially by Zizhen.

Jingyi glanced at Zizhen and Jin Ling before focusing on Sizhui again. “I  _ will _ smooch you in front of Jin Ling.”

“ _Smooch me_ _then_ ,” Sizhui whined in pout. 

“Sizhui,” Zizhen moved forward, reaching for his cheeks. “Don’t do the pout.”

“I’m not pouting,” he pouted. 

“What’s this Jingyi,” Zizhen squeezed his cheeks; pout intensifying.

“A pouty baby.”

Jin Ling sighed. Here we go again. Every once in a while they started acting like this in front of him. He never knew what to do. But he hated it. 

He outright hated it. 

Sometimes it was Sizhui doting on the two of them, and other times it was like this. It was the two of them babying him, and cuddling him, and... 

He hated it so much. So so much. 

It just... wasn’t fair?

“Sizhui best boy,” Jingyi kissed Sizhui’s cheek. Sizhui beamed.

“Best boy, best boy,” Zizhen gave him several kisses on his other cheek. It was the most Zizhen had done in ages, and while Jingyi was just a  _ tad _ jealous that he didn’t get a kiss on the cheek, he was just so happy that Zizhen even did it that he didn’t care too much.

Sizhui giggled when they both smooched his cheeks. It felt right.

Zizhen laughed and wrapped Sizhui up in his arms, making him feel tiny. They were moments away from being an outright giggly mess, just consumed in the familiarity of what they had.

Jingyi let Sizhui happily wrap his arms around him, pulling him down onto the two pushed together beds.

But Jingyi couldn’t help notice Jin Ling’s tired face as he stood to leave. But he wasn’t… Annoyed. He looked upset. 

Jingyi frowned. “Jin Ling,” he called. 

Zizhen and Sizhui both looked over. 

“Come here,” he waved. 

“Oh no,” Jin Ling shook his head.

“Join our cuddle puddle,” Zizhen frowned. 

“Uhm,” Jin Ling glanced towards the door. A cuddle puddle? Why exactly was it called: cuddle puddle?

Jin Ling doesn’t cuddle. 

Well.. Just sometimes, with Zizhen… But why would you cuddle more than one person? It just seemed uncomfortable.

“ _ Pleaaaase _ ,” Sizhui pouted again. 

… Jin Ling doesn’t cuddle. Just sometimes with Zizhen…

But that wasn’t so bad...

Jin Ling rolled his eyes, to keep face of course, and trudged forward like he was being held against his will in the room. 

They all smiled, and together, “ _ Rulaaaan _ !”

As much as Sizhui wanted to feel Zizhen against him, there was no need to discuss how they were going to do this. If Jin Ling was going to feel comfortable cuddling them, it was going to be because of Zizhen.

Jingyi slid back so he was against the wall, pulling Sizhui back with him to make room. Zizhen yelled excitedly in triumph as he pulled Jin Ling and rolled him over his own body. Before Jin Ling could even react, Sizhui was curling up against him, Zizhen tangling his legs with his. 

… Maybe…

Well maybe this wasn’t so bad either?

* * *

Maybe it was bad. 

Jin Ling ended up falling asleep with his friends. After talking for a little while, they all fell asleep. 

They talked and laughed and joked mostly to make sure Jin Ling was comfortable. And… Well it worked. He and Zizhen were the first two to fall asleep. 

It was expected that Zizhen would pass out pretty fast; these days, cuddling with Jin Ling was the only restful sleep he ever got. 

Jin Ling was used to falling asleep beside Zizhen now. He was used to feeling the weight of Zizhen’s arm against his waist. It didn’t take long for him to get used to lying beside Sizhui. 

He couldn’t take it seriously at first, not with the way Sizhui placed his hand on the side of his face and smiled. They both laughed until Jin Ling shifted so he was primarily on his back, leaning against Zizhen. 

He woke up just minutes after Jingyi did. 

Jingyi was lying on his back, legs up the wall, ankles crossed, looking tiredly at his phone in the darkening room.

And Jin Ling couldn’t move. Rather, he could, but he felt stuck. He wasn’t sure what to do. 

Zizhen wasn’t curled up against him anymore, their legs no longer tangled. Zizhen had rolled onto his back, one knee bent, an arm over his eyes. 

It was Sizhui that trapped Jin Ling. And that was worse than being stuck under Zizhen. Zizhen, he could’ve pushed away. Zizhen, he could have woken up. But this was Sizhui… Of all people, it was Sizhui. 

Sizhui, the first of their friends to make Jin Ling briefly (but repeatedly) question everything. 

Sizhui was practically lying on top of Jin Ling; he could feel his breath against his neck, the weight of him becoming heavier and heavier as every questioning thought he had forced out of his head ages ago came crashing back down over him. 

Jingyi looked over at the sound of Jin Ling’s sharp inhale after a failed attempt of trying to shift Sizhui away from him. “Are you okay,” he asked in a low voice. 

“I need to go,” Jin Ling said quickly, looking at Jingyi. “H-he’s sleeping, I-”

Jingyi read his expression and his tone quickly, “Okay,” he nodded. 

“Don’t wake him up,” Jin Ling added. He didn’t need Sizhui to wake up and do his charming little Sizhui thing. 

Jin Ling knew him enough to know Sizhui would hug him, say something cute and smile, and he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to see it. It was a lot for him to process right now. 

“Sure,” Jingyi turned onto his side again and propped himself up on his elbow. He assessed how Sizhui was sleeping. He’s had to pull Sizhui off of Zizhen before when Zizhen couldn’t sleepover. 

But Sizhui was koala’d against Jin Ling. 

Jingyi gently trailed his hand down Sizhui’s spine. “Hm?” Sizhui inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. His face turned away from Jin Ling’s but his eyes remained shut. 

Jingyi ran his hand over Sizhui’s waist; Sizhui rolled back slightly into Jingyi. 

The moment Jin Ling’s legs were free he bent them and tried to sit up but Sizhui’s hand closed around the fabric of his clothing. 

Zizhen groaned and shifted from the movement beside him. 

Jin Ling froze. He should’ve just tried to force himself back to sleep, it might’ve been easier. 

Jingyi placed his hand over Sizhui’s, “Come here,” he whispered quietly. “Let go.”

Sizhui’s grip relaxed; he let Jingyi pull him back against his body, his arm wrapped tightly around Sizhui. 

Sizhui’s cheek was smooshed, his lips just slightly parted; he was completely passed out in Jingyi’s arms. 

He wondered what  _ that _ was like, to be held by  _ Jingyi _ . Jin Ling shook his head and made his way to the foot of the bed. “Thanks,” he whispered to Jingyi. 

“Mhm.”

Zizhen pulled his other leg up as Jin Ling moved by him. 

Jin Ling accidentally knocked over a water bottle that sat on the floor. 

Zizhen jerked awake at the sound. “God,” he let out a surprised breath. 

Jin Ling made eye contact with Jingyi, “Sorry,” he muttered before quickly picking up his things and promptly leaving the room. 

Zizhen peered at the door as it closed, the light from the hallway overwhelmingly bright in comparison to the rest of the room. 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, before sliding off the bed. “I-”

“I know,” Jingyi stopped him. “Goodnight bub.”

“‘Night,” Zizhen grabbed his phone and ran out after Jin Ling. “Hey,” he caught up with him quickly at the elevator. 

Jin Ling kept his eyes fixated on the light of the elevator button as they waited. “Sorry I woke you up.”

“I didn’t intend on passing out,” Zizhen said.

“Why aren’t you staying,” Jin Ling muttered as he stepped into the elevator. 

“Why aren’t you,” Zizhen walked in behind him.

Jin Ling sighed. “Because I wanted to sleep in my bed,” he grumbled, pressing the button inside several times as if it would make the trip faster. 

“Okay. Me too.”

“... My bed or your bed?”

Zizhen looked at Jin Ling from the corner of his eye. Jin Ling stared at the floor numbers. He couldn’t see that Jin Ling was beating himself up for even posing the question. 

“I’ll let you answer that one,” Zizhen replied, leaning against the wall. 

Jin Ling chewed on the inside of his cheek. Why did Zizhen have to be like this? It would have been easier for Zizhen to answer. Jin Ling was ready to respond to either option. But making  _ him _ reply just seemed mean. 

The elevator doors opened. “Your bed,” Jin Ling said on his way out. 

Zizhen bit back a smirk and followed. He didn’t say anything until they were outside the building. “Good honestly.”

“What?”

“You take up a lot of room,” Zizhen pointed out innocently.

“It’s my bed,” Jin Ling countered. 

He joked, “You produce a  _ lot _ of body heat-”

Jin Ling scoffed, “ _ Me _ ? Yeah, okay,” he rolled his eyes. 

“You squirm a lot too sometimes-”

Jin Ling stopped in his tracks and turned to face Zizhen. “I’m sorry, is that a problem?”

“No it’s cute actually,” Zizhen kept walking past him. 

Jin Ling gaped. “You are so annoying! I do you a favor and-”

Zizhen chuckled, “I said it was cute why are you getting mad. Besides, I’m pretty sure you asked  _ me _ to sleep in your bed the past few nights.”

“Because you can’t sleep unless I do,” Jin Ling pointed out, rushing to keep pace with Zizhen so he wouldn’t have to raise his voice. 

“I didn’t ask you to do that, you know.”

“You didn’t have to!”

“Yes, well,” Zizhen turned to face him, Jin Ling nearly tripping over himself. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“...Your welcome?” Jin Ling watched him walk into the dorm building. 

Jin Ling gave it a moment before he followed Zizhen all the way back to their room. Not a second after he closed the door. “You can sleep in my bed if you need to,” he grumbled, avoiding eye contact.

“I think I’ll be okay tonight,” Zizhen replied.

“Did you only sleep with me because I asked?”

Zizhen blinked, “No. I mean, well... last night I did. I’m not one to turn down a good ol’ cuddle though.”

“You are right now.”

“Because I can tell that you don’t want to this time,” Zizhen changed quietly.

Neither of them said a word while they got ready for bed. 

But Jin Ling’s mind was still racing. Part of him wanted to tell Zizhen to never sleep in the same bed as him ever again. And part of him wanted to have Zizhen’s arm over his waist immediately. 

Maybe Zizhen was being nice. Maybe he really was an awful cuddler and that’s why he didn’t want to.

“... Do I really move around that much?”

“Not all the time,” Zizhen replied.

“Oh… Does it bother you?”

Zizhen plugged his phone in, “Does it matter?”

“... It does if you keep sleeping in my bed.” 

Zizhen leaned against his desk and looked at Jin Ling. 

“Just… Answer the question,” he pushed. 

“It doesn’t bother me.” Zizhen could tell that Jin Ling didn’t seem to believe him. “It’s not a big deal. You were sleeping,” he pointed out.

“And I woke you up. Because I suck at cuddling or whatever.”

“Jin Ling, I,” Zizhen laughed. 

“It’s not funny.”

“No, I,” Zizhen shook his head. “It’s not funny, it’s cute.”

“What’s cute?”

“You.” Zizhen leaned against Jin Ling’s desk. “Jin Ling, we were cuddling, and then we were  _ sleeping _ . Cuddling when you’re awake is different from cuddling when you’re sleeping. All cuddling guidelines fly out the window when you fall asleep. You’re not expected to be perfectly still. Nor are you required to even  _ stay _ cuddling. You’re going to wake up more if you do.”

“...Are there guidelines?”

Zizhen laughed, “ _ No! _ ”

“You  _ just  _ said-”

“Why is that what you took away from what I just said?”

“I don’t know!”

“Oh my god. Y’know, I figured you were overthinking the whole cuddling thing but I didn’t think it was because you were concerned about  _ rules _ ,” Zizhen chuckled. 

“That’s not why I overthink!”

“Hmm, kinda seems like it.”

“That’s  _ not  _ what bothers me,” Jin Ling countered. 

Zizhen hummed. “Did cuddling Sizhui and Jingyi bother you?”

… Now why would Zizhen go and flip this on him like this?

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Zizhen nodded. “I’ll tell them-”

“No don’t-”

“They’ll just ask again,” Zizhen pointed out. 

“No, it’s,” Jin Ling sighed in frustration. “Zizhen stop. I know what you’re doing now.”

“Alright I’ll stop-”

“No,” Jin Ling stopped him.

“You  _ just _ told me to stop.”

“Stop as in don’t tell them that. Not stop as in stop the conversation.  _ Don’t _ stop the conversation,” Jin Ling said. 

Zizhen stared. “Now I’m confused.”

“I’m saying that I know where you’re going to point this conversation. I know what you’re doing. I know why you’re asking me this. And I know that it’s just going to happen again. Sizhui did this. You did this. And with my luck it’ll be Jingyi next time and I do  _ not _ want that at all, it will somehow end with us fighting.”

“For the millionth time, you and Jingyi are never actually going to fight,” Zizhen rolled his eyes.

“I can’t guarantee that I won’t panic hard enough to try and initiate that,” Jin Ling replied. 

Zizhen laughed. It would literally never happen. 

“I just… Rather do this right now, with you specifically, and then pretend it never happened. So just,” he took a deep breath. “Go.”

“Why don’t you want me to tell Sizhui and Jingyi that it bothered you?”

“Because I don’t know why it bothered me,” he tried. The uncertainty in his voice told Zizhen that he was lying. 

“Is it because they’re boys?”

“...”

“I’m a boy.”

“... Yeah, I’m very aware of that, thank you.”

Zizhen snorted. “Do I bother you?”

“Can you ask different questions?”

“You’re not going to hurt my feelings,” Zizhen replied. 

Jin Ling sighed. “Not really, not anymore,” he answered. 

“Just two bros cuddling,” Zizhen shrugged. 

“Right.”

“Or rather, four bros cuddling,” Zizhen crossed his arms.

“Yeah, I don’t know that Sizhui and Jingyi are just bros-”

Zizhen laughed, “They’re not.”

“... Sorry what?”

“They’re dating.”

“Are you just speculating?”

“I am literally the only person who knows every single detail of their relationship,” Zizhen huffed. 

“Why would they tell you and not me?”

“Y’know… Maybe we really did play it off better than I expected.”

“What?”

“I was their boyfriend, Jin Ling.”

Jin Ling blinked. “When did you date either of them? How did I miss that?”

“Well, I was dating  _ both _ of them. At the same time. They were dating me. We were all dating  _ each other _ . Boyfriends. The three of us. Since last semester. No one knew.”

“Why are you talking in the past tense?”

“I broke up with them?”

Jin Ling’s wheels were turning. “... Was this after Jingyi hacked Wen Chao’s Twitter? You guys stopped talking around then.”

“Yeah, I broke up with them that night. Because of Wen Chao. That’s a whole other story I can tell you some other time.”

Jin Ling considered everything. “Okay, well, uhm. You’re still talking to them? You guys are fine?”

“Yeah,” Zizhen nodded slowly. “I have a lot of problems with everything that came from Wen Chao so-”

“-You’re taking a break.”

“Y’know,” Zizhen smirked, “You’re not as dense as I thought.”

Jin Ling scoffed.

“I’m  _ kidding _ ,” Zizhen laughed. “Anyways. Just four bros cuddling.”

“Oh, no,” Jin Ling jumped back onto his bed. “We can’t have this conversation anymore.”

“What, why?”

“Should’ve withheld your little trio boyfriend news until the end.”

Zizhen tilted his head, “Why because you like Sizhui?” Jin Ling froze in response. “It’s fine, I know.”

“What do you mean you know?”

“He told us.”

“ _ Both? _ ”

“We communicated  _ everything _ Jin Ling. We had a very healthy relationship!”

“Congratulations!”

“Oh my god, Jin Ling, I don’t care if you do-”

“I don’t, he is just  _ very _ pretty…”

Zizhen couldn’t agree more. “He is.”

“And nice.”

“The kindest,” Zizhen elaborated.

“Oh my god,” Jin Ling covered his face. “I should’ve picked fighting with Jingyi.”

“Talk to me,” Zizhen urged. “It’s just me! I am the least intimidating of our friend group.”

“I am very confused,” Jin Ling dropped back into his blankets. “Oh my god.”

“Okay close your eyes,” Zizhen instructed, sitting on Jin Ling’s chair. 

“Why?”

“Just close your eyes, and talk. We’re still friends. You can talk to me. You can be as honest as you need to help you with whatever the fuck you’ve been going through.”

Jin Ling sighed and closed his eyes. “This is stupid.”

“I’m sure it is,” Zizhen didn’t disagree. “Feelings are pretty stupid too.”

“Yeah, they are.” Jin Ling hesitated. “Honest?”

“Honest.”

“Sounds… Vulnerable,” Jin Ling frowned. “Disgusting.”

“I don’t know why you think you can’t be. Nothing has to leave this room.”

“And we can pretend this  _ never _ happened?”

“Of course,” Zizhen assured him. “I am here to: help.”

“And this is… normal?”

“Talking to your friends about what’s bothering you… Yes…  _ So _ ,” Zizhen leaned back in the chair, “The cuddle puddle bothered you?”

Jin Ling weighed his options… He supposed he really didn’t have anything to lose from being honest with Zizhen… Honestly, if Zizhen hasn’t judged him yet, he probably wouldn’t. Besides, it seemed like Zizhen was already two steps ahead of him anyways. “I was fine cuddling them. Until I woke up. And realized it wasn’t you holding onto me, but Sizhui.”

“... Would it have been any different?”

“Yeah. Because it’s different with you. It’s easier to pretend with you.” Jin Ling sounded like he was being forced to talk.

Zizhen blinked. “Pretend with me…”

Jin Ling draped his arm over his closed eyes. “I can joke around with you. I can pretend to be annoyed with you and you pretend back. Sizhui doesn’t do that. I suppose you prefer that. Since y’know you’re… Dating or on a break or whatever.” His voice was strained…. Vulnerability was something Jin Ling was not only wildly out of practice with, but it was a concept he refused to ever acknowledge.

Though growing up in Carp Tower, it was to be expected.

Zizhen silently crawled onto Jin Ling’s bed, pulling his legs to his chest. “Jin Ling-”

“It bothered me because I don’t know what it means that I woke up and for like 5 seconds was happy knowing it was Sizhui… And I don’t know what it means that I wished it was you instead and why I am much more open to the idea of…  _ You _ .” Jin Ling laughed and dropped his arm to look up at Zizhen. “You have permission to completely revoke our friendship.”

“In what world would I do that?”

“The one where I admitted to liking your boyfriend  _ and _ you?”

“First of all, there must be another world because it’s not this one. Second of all, I didn’t expect you to ever be so forward, so just like… Give me a minute to process this boldness.”

“ _ Boldness _ ,” Jin Ling scoffed. “I said I was pretending this never happened after we talked.”

“Okay,  _ regardless _ ,” Zizhen said, “You’re always so quick to make snide comments, and scoff at the idea of being vulnerable, like this is one hell of a 180; give me a  _ moment _ .”

Jin Ling rolled his eyes. “Isn’t this the kind of conversation you’ve wanted since the last time you tried to talk to me about… Boys...?”

“ _ Yes _ but it seemed unrealistic. Just stop talking for  _ one minute _ , I’m thinking,” Zizhen begged. 

Jin Ling gave it a minute and was already quite restless. 

“There you go with that squirming,” Zizhen muttered. 

Jin Ling hit his thigh in annoyance. “Are you done thinking?”

“Yeah…”

“And?”

“Yeah, I mean… That’s cool, bro.” Zizhen shrugged.

“I hate you.”

“Pretty sure you just said you didn’t.”

“I revoke it.”

“And our friendship?”

“Yup,” Jin Ling deadpanned. 

“Cool. So if we weren’t friends, what would you do?”

“Sorry, what?”

“If we weren’t friends, what would you have done? Just you and me, what would you have done,” Zizhen looked down at him. 

“I mean I suppose if we weren’t friends I wouldn’t do anything. Like at all.” Jin Ling admitted. “I don’t like people, Zizhen, you know this.”

Zizhen laughed. “Okay,” he restarted slowly. “Assuming nothing would be weird, and you can do  _ whatever _ you want, or  _ say _ anything. What would it be?”

“I mean it wouldn’t diminish how confused I still am…” His voice trailed off.

“We can pretend this conversation never happened,” Zizhen reminded him. 

“I’d want to try things. Figure things out. Try not to be so confused,” Jin Ling replied. He stared at the ceiling. It made it easier to not be looking at Zizhen. He supposed that if they couldn’t pretend this conversation didn’t happen, he would just move into a new dorm room. His family could afford that fee. 

“Awuh,” Zizhen hugged his knees. “Look at you being all cute and shit.”

“How is that cute?”

“I don’t know; do you wanna hold hands or something?”

“Ew, no,” Jin Ling grimaced. “Seems romantic.”

“ _ Ew? Romantic? _ ”

“I don’t know what romance is, don’t judge me,” Jin Ling replied. 

“How do you not know what romance is? Aren’t you a Jin?”

Jin Ling chuckled, “It’s an aesthetic? Everyone is cold. You put on a show, and once the guests leave, everyone is silent. I can’t tell you a single person who loves whoever they’re married to at Carp Tower.” 

“I hate that.”

“Yeah, same.”

“Okay, well,” Zizhen puffed out his cheeks in thought. “Do you want to?”

“Want to, what?”

“Try things?”

“You have Sizhui and Jingyi.”

Zizhen pursed his lips. “And if I said they already said it’s fine?”

“...”

“Do you want to try things?”

“I think that means we can’t pretend this never happened,” Jin Ling pointed out. 

Zizhen hummed. “I think we still can. Whatever happens before I turn that light off we can forget about immediately. And if  _ you _ decide you want to talk, or try something, just say so. And then just call a time-out whenever you want, and it’s right back to pretending.”

“Seems excessive.”

“It is. But you can say yes to it now, and then never again have to do anything about it.”

“Tempting,” Jin Ling joked. 

....

“You have absolutely no idea what you would ask for, do you,” Zizhen concluded. 

“Not a clue.”

“I figured since you turned down some basic hand holding,” Zizhen chuckled. 

“How about you say or do what you want,” Jin Ling offered. 

“Is there anything else you wanted to get off your chest first?”

Jin Ling hummed. “Besides the fact that Jingyi is also pretty and it’s really not fair that you all look the way you do? Nope. I’ve embarrassed myself enough for the night.”

Zizhen laughed. “He is quite pretty.”

“Don’t tell him I said that. He already has a big head.”

“This never happened once that light is off,” Zizhen reminded him. “I promise I won’t say anything,” he held out his pinkie finger. 

Jin Ling hooked his pinkie with Zizhen’s.

They didn’t let go. “Knowing that I dated Sizhui and Jingyi is excluded from this.”

“Okay.”

“You can’t tell anyone else though.”

“I won’t.”

“Anything else?”

Jin Ling thought carefully. “Even if nothing happens after this, you have to tell me when I can’t do anything anymore.”

“It’s the only time I’ll say something first,” Zizhen agreed. 

“Okay.” 

They let go.

Zizhen crawled over Jin Ling and hovered over him. Jin Ling blinked in surprise but didn’t react otherwise.

Zizhen was probably more thrown off by Jin Ling’s direct eye contact than Jin Ling was with Zizhen doing this. 

Zizhen brushed his hair to one side before leaning down. Zizhen waited for something to tell him whether it was fine or not. 

Jin Ling had absolutely  _ nothing _ to lose right now. Of all their friends to keep this promise, he 100% trusted Zizhen to follow through with it…

Jin Ling placed a hand on the side of Zizhen’s face.

Zizhen pressed his lips softly against Jin Ling’s. It was chaste but fucking hell he was screaming so loudly on the inside. He wanted to actually yell about it. Or in the very least keyboard smash it out. But he promised… 

Jin Ling wouldn’t say he was internally screaming, but everything was a mess in his head. The moment he felt Zizhen’s lips against his own he figured he was fucked. They made a promise he didn’t intend to mention ever again but, that just wasn’t going to be true. 

And now that  _ this _ happened, his mind was racing about so much more. And about Sizhui. And about Jingyi. And….

Everything was a mess. 

Zizhen pulled back. “Goodnight, Rulan.” 

“‘Night,” Jin Ling breathed out quietly. 

Zizhen rolled off the side of the bed, landing effortlessly on his feet. He padded over to the lightswitch and bit his lip. Jin Ling watched him and waited. 

Zizhen turned the lights off.

Zizhen jumped into his own bed, and as normally as he could manage, “‘Night punk.”

Jin Ling didn’t respond right away, but eventually he snorted. “Yeah, ‘night.”


	73. Drunk Zizhen

Jingyi didn’t plan on getting out of Sizhui’s bed. Mostly because he was waiting for Sizhui to kiss him again. But also he was incredibly comfortable wrapped up in his blankets, busy watching Netflix on his phone. 

Sizhui was busy texting one of his classmates, his knees swaying back and forth idly. He could faintly hear Jingyi’s show and would occasionally react to whatever was being said, but they were really just doing their own things.

“I thought they broke up,” Sizhui asked. 

“Mn. They did,” Jingyi muttered. 

Sizhui glanced at the phone screen. Jingyi angled it towards him. “... They’re a mess,” he concluded before turning back to his own phone.

“Same,” Jingyi half-smiled. 

Sizhui’s phone started to go off over and over again. “ _Jeez_ ,” Sizhui clicked on one of the notifications. “Oh my _god_ ,” he laughed.

“Who the hell,” Jingyi locked his phone. 

Sizhui showed Jingyi his screen as the messages continued to come in. 

They read a few more of the messages, giggling together. Jingyi suddenly felt awake, “Wow he is _drunk_ drunk.”

Sizhui roared, “ _Ahahah what?_ Why is he so concerned for pirates?”

drunk drunk 

  
  


UGH

  
  
  


“... I’m calling him,” Sizhui finally said after a few minutes. 

Jingyi shuffled around the room quietly while Sizhui waited for Zizhen to answer his phone. Sizhui sighed heavily when the call went to voicemail and tried again. “I’m sure he’s okay,” Jingyi replied. 

“I know, but-” Sizhui held his hand over his other ear, “Zizhen! Hi love…” He smiled to himself, “Ah…” He giggled, “I know, I know…” He looked at Jingyi, “Rideshare,” he whispered before turning his attention back to the rambling boy on the other end of the phone. “Love- yeah, hold on, Zizhen. Where are you being dropped off?... No, Jingyi… Nooo, not because I’m scared of the dark... The admin building? Why there?.... That’s the address for the school? Really?... No, why would I know that?... No, Zizhen I don’t drive.” 

“I’ll be back,” Jingyi announced quietly on his way out. 

Their dorm room was at the bottom of the small hill that led to the admin building so Jingyi beat Zizhen to it by about 10 minutes. 

He sat on the front steps, watching his show only to glance up at any car passing by on the main road. 

He got one text from Sizhui saying that Zizhen’s phone was dying quite fast so he had to hang up but that it sounded like he was just passing the public library. 

By the time Jingyi replied back, a car slowed before him. 

“ _Goodbye_ ,” Zizhen sang out to the driver before turning to Jingyi and waving happily as he walked up. “A bean! Are we taking a walk?”

“We are,” Jingyi agreed. He fully intended on turning Zizhen back around within a few minutes.

“Do you want to hold hands?”

Of course Jingyi wanted to. He’s never held Zizhen’s hand on a walk before. “Do you want to?”

Zizhen sighed heavily, “Better not,” he folded his hands before him and rocked back on his heels.

“Okay. Which way do you want to walk?”

“This way!” Zizhen set off, likely towards the quad. 

* * *

Jin Ling really didn’t want to wake up to a drunk Zizhen again, but here he was. He didn’t bother opening his eyes but rather pulled the blanket over his face. “Just turn the light on.”

“He’s awake,” Zizhen exclaimed as he turned the light on.

“Shh,” Jingyi shushed him calmly. “You still need to be quiet. It’s late.”

“Jin Ling,” Zizhen started. 

Jin Ling grumbled, “What?”

“Do you want water?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Will you stop talking to me if I say yes?”

“Yes!”

Jin Ling sat up tiredly, completely swaddled in his blankets. Jingyi chuckled at the sight of a disheveled Jin Ling. He shot Jingyi a tired glare.

“He’s mad,” Zizhen muttered, handing Jingyi a bottle of water. “You give it to him.”

Jingyi handed it back, “You woke him up.”

“Just give me the water,” Jin Ling groaned. 

Jingyi watched Zizhen clumsily open the water for Jin Ling who was too tired to keep his eyes open. He watched as Zizhen waited patiently for Jin Ling to hand the bottle back. “Need more?”

Jin Ling grumbled, “No.”

“Sure?”

“Yes. Go away now.”

Zizhen turned back to Jingyi happily. “Water?”

“It’s all yours,” Jingyi told him. “My water is back in my room.”

“You’re not staying?”

“No. I have to go to sleep too.”

“But you wear this to bed,” Zizhen tugged his sleeve.

“I was already in bed.”

“Oh!”

“Now it’s your turn,” Jingyi started pulling out something for Zizhen to change into. 

Jin Ling opened his eyes again. If Zizhen hadn’t told him that they used to be boyfriends, he wouldn’t think anything of what was happening. He always thought the way they interacted was normal. 

But knowing the truth changed the way he interpreted the moment before him. 

Jingyi placed Zizhen’s clothes neatly on his bed. Zizhen reached out and guided Jingyi’s hands up to cover his eyes. He giggled when Jingyi complied. 

Jin Ling settled back down on his pillows and got comfortable again. He tried to pretend he didn’t hear the way Jingyi spoke quietly to him and pulled back the covers to his bed… 

He didn’t care that he missed the way Jingyi ran his fingers through Zizhen’s hair or Zizhen sleepily looking at Jingyi. 

He was jealous enough. He didn’t need more reasons to be. 

Jingyi waited until Zizhen closed his eyes before he decided to head back to his own dorm. He glanced over at Jin Ling’s side of his room to see half his blankets falling off the bed. He quietly walked over and pulled them back up. 

Jin Ling pretended to be asleep. 

jin ling texts jingyi 

  
  
  



	74. Losing Track of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// Abuse implied, homophobia, aggression

“Why don’t we just stay here?”

Wangji’s hand froze on the handle. “What?”

“Yeah,” Wuxian perked up. “It won’t take long anyways? And that way you don’t have to drive a lot.”

“But… I still will need to bring you back to your apartment,” Wangji pointed out. “So why stay here?”

Wuxian shook his head, “I’m going to Sizhui’s-”

“Sizhui’s?”

“Yeah, he and Jingyi took Jin Ling’s car! Believe it or not, his aunt and uncle invited me to dinner,” Wuxian beamed proudly. “ _So_ , there’s really no point.”

“Ah.”

“Is that okay?”

“Uhm,” Wangji glanced at the time with uncertainty. His uncle wasn’t going to be home for quite a while, and it’s not like they had a lot to talk about regarding an assignment…

Maybe there would be some extra time to even just… hang out?

“You can say no,” Wuxian reminded him. “We can go to my apartment,” he buckled himself back in. 

Wangji bit his lip and hummed…. It should be fine… 

He turned the engine off and unbuckled Wuxian. “It’s okay.”

A BUNNY?????? 

  


***[important typo fix: should say grandpa not uncle in jingyi's tweet]**

“My book is in my room,” Wangji reminded him. 

“We aren’t best friends yet,” Wuxian stated, holding his hand out to the bunny. 

“He can come.”

Wuxian perked up, “He can?”

“Yes,” Wangji lifted the bunny from his lap and stood carefully. 

Wuxian followed him with a slight skip in his step, “Y’know I didn’t know you had a bunny.”

“He’s in my profile picture on Twitter,” Wangji pointed out. 

“That means nothing, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian waved the comment off.

Wangji paused outside his room. “I think… It’s a mess. So just… Sorry,” Wangji pushed his door open and walked in. 

“You say that like I wasn’t here when you were sick,” Wuxian walked in behind him. “Lan Zhan… This is not messy.”

“Mn,” Lan Zhan straightened his books while Twizzler sat comfortably on his other arm. “It could be better.”

“You have seen my room at it’s _literal_ worst,” Wuxian pointed out while his fingers hovered over the pile of pens on Wangji’s desk. “Your reorganizing is a lot more controlled than mine,” he chuckled, motioning to the pens. 

“I lost track of time this morning,” Wangji explained, picking up his philosophy textbook. 

“Okay,” Wuxian straightened his posture, “Where do you want me? That looks too neat,” he motioned to Wangji’s bed. 

“Lie down on the floor,” Wangji instructed. 

Wuxian blinked. “Lie down?”

“Mn.”

“Okay,” he shrugged before sprawling out, folding his arm under his head. 

Wangji sat beside him, neatly folding his legs. He carefully placed the bunny on Wuxian and focused his attention to his textbook. 

missed texts **[love a rare relevant timestamp in this story lol]**

  


Wangji made a mistake. 

He stopped paying attention to the time because he was too busy paying attention to Wuxian. Wuxian deserved his undivided attention. If you could call lying next to each other while staring at the ceiling “undivided attention”. 

“You want to [dance to this](https://open.spotify.com/track/5WWwj70gzt57TKQqQr485M?si=225893aa28e444dc)?” Wangji turned his head to look at Wuxian. 

Wuxian’s knees had been leaning against Wangji’s bent legs for quite some time now that he had actually forgotten until Wangji calmly pushed back to instead lean his legs against Wuxian’s. 

Wuxian bit back a smile. “We don’t have a choice. Xingchen gave us a list; all the songs _looked_ the same. I stared at the paper for too long so he picked this one for me.”

“I think you will come up with something great,” Wangji concluded. 

“Any interest in helping me?” Wuxian looked to Wangji hopefully. 

Wangji didn’t reply right away. He wasn’t sure he was breathing at first. He hadn’t realized just how close he was to Wuxian just then until they were facing each other. 

Wangji needed just… Just a quick moment to really look at Wuxian. 

Just a moment.

He really was quite beautiful… 

Wait. What did Wuxian ask him? “...Huh?”

Wuxian smiled brightly and propped himself up on his elbow, “Lan _Zhan_!”

“What?”

“You look so flustered,” Wuxian announced.

“I-I’m not.” How could he not be? How could he not be when Wuxian was looking down at him like that? 

“Then what’s your answer?”

“My… answer,” Wangji mumbled dumbly as Wuxian’s fingers hovered over Wangji’s headband; one wrong move and he’d accidentally graze it. “Uhm… Maybe...”

Wuxian brushed his fingers over Wangji’s ear. Wangji was pretty sure he was going to have a heart attack any moment now. He had no idea what was happening but at this point, he was not going to stop it. Not yet. “Maybe you’ll dance with me?”

Wuxian glanced down at what he thought was Wangji’s hand reaching for his waist. And it could have been, but within a split second Wangji was on his feet, “Did you hear that,” he asked. 

Wuxian blinked in surprise, standing with him, “No?” The rabbit hopped over his feet and hid under the bed.

Wangji reached for Wuxian’s phone on the edge of his bed to check the time. He looked at Wuxian with panic in his eyes. “I am sorry, Wei Ying, you need to leave. Now.”

“I-”

“ _Lan Wangji_ ,” an angry yell erupted from the kitchen. 

Wangji opened the drawers in his desk and fumbled through the contents. “Where are my books?”

Wuxian asked quietly, “Your books?” 

“Where did I leave my schoolwork?” Wangji closed everything quickly and quietly, glancing around the room. 

“I don’t know? The kitchen maybe?”

“ _Wangji-_ ”

Wuxian didn’t know what to do. He really didn’t know what to do, but he and Wangji had the same idea.

Wuxian rushed into the closet, Wangji sliding the door into place behind him as his uncle barged in. “What have I told you about leaving this around,” he held up his Queer Lit paperwork. 

Wangji raked through his memories to try and remember what was on top. Was it an essay, or was it that article that was handed to him?.... For the sake of the student he hoped it was the article…

“I apologize, Uncle.”

Wuxian didn’t know what to feel right now. But it was nothing but negative. 

“I don’t want to come home and see this indecency sitting on my kitchen counter.”

“I know, Uncle.”

Wuxian closed his eyes despite the closet being dark. 

“We had an agreement,” Lan Qiren pointed out in frustration. “Read what you want in your own time for your course but _this_ ,” he tossed Wangji’s things onto his desk, pens scattering. “It is vulgar.”

Wangji didn’t say anything. 

“Put your pens away; your desk is a mess,” Qiren turned to leave. “When you’re done you’re helping with dinner.”

Wangji shoved everything into his desk the moment the door closed, picking up the pens that fell to his floor. 

Wuxian peeked out to see Wangji quickly organizing his pens; likely not in the way he hoped, but well enough that he could clear his desk.

“I’m thinking,” Wangji announced quietly. 

“Okay,” Wuxian was quiet. He watched Wangji carefully. 

“I don’t know how to get you out without him noticing,” Wangji admitted. “I don’t bring men into my house and hide them in my room.”

“The window,” Wuxian motioned behind them.

“It doesn’t angle out wide enough,” Wangji shook his head, eyes focused on his pens. 

“A challenge I am willing to accept.” Wuxian was sure he caught a quick half-smile from Wangji but he couldn’t be sure. 

“Wangji,” they both lifted their heads at the sound of Xichen’s voice just outside the door. 

“Do I hide,” Wuxian whispered. 

Wangji shook his head before turning to the door, “Yeah?”

Xichen slipped in quickly. He sighed seeing Wuxian, “I figured you were still here.” He spoke quietly, “You didn’t see my text?”

Wangji shook his head. 

“It’s okay,” Xichen waved. “Do you need a ride home,” Xichen asked Wuxian. 

“Ah, no,” Wuxian shook his head. “I am going to Sizhui’s.”

“Okay; I’m going to go keep Uncle busy in the kitchen. Leave through the backroom,” Xichen instructed before slipping back out. 

Wangji took Wuxian’s wrist and led him out into the hall quietly, only letting go when they were back behind a closed door. Wuxian assumed it must be some sort of meditation room?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized.

“Lan Zhan, it’s fine.”

“I was just going to come up with an excuse,” Wangji admitted. “So you wouldn’t have to do this.”

“You were going to lie.”

“Yes. But,” Wangji sighed and unlocked the glass door. 

“I get it,” Wuxian nodded. “He would have just gotten angrier.”

“That was my fault,” Wangji said. “I’ll be careful next time.”

“Lan Zhan-”

“Go that way to get to the front,” Wangji pointed. “Go all the way down the road until you can’t. Sizhui’s house is on the right.”

“Lan Zhan-”

“I have to go help with dinner.”

Wangji was quick to leave. He didn’t want to talk about it. He was fine. 

While Wuxian went off to Sizhui’s, texting Wen Qing about what happened and what he should do, Wangji went back to his room. 

He got down on the floor and lifted his blankets up to look under his bed. He held his hand out, “It’s okay, Twizzy,” he whispered. “I’ll take you back to your room,” he said quietly, trying to coax him out. He had to stretch just slightly but was able to pull Twizzler out. He let him sit in his lap for a moment before bringing him back. “Good boy,” Wangji held him gently. “... What do you think of Wei Ying?”


	75. Wangxian Detectives

“So how was Wangji’s, really,” Sizhui asked Wuxian, turning to face him in the back of the car. 

Jingyi tilted his head in confusion, “I missed something; someone update me.”

Wuxian didn’t reply right away. 

“Answer Sizhui or I will turn this car around,” Jingyi said. 

“And go _where_ ,” Wuxian questioned. 

“Don’t talk back to me.”

Wuxian absolutely _loved_ Sizhui’s family, and they clearly liked him. He didn’t say much about Wangji’s when Sizhui had initially asked while he helped finish making dinner. And he was super bubbly! He made sure of it. But _of course_ Sizhui could tell something was off when he first got there. 

“I just think Lan Qiren is a massive prick-”

“Oh _absolutely_ ,” Jingyi practically yelled. “Fuck him-”

“Yeah,” Wuxian agreed. “Fuck him!”

“I’m telling you,” Jingyi glanced into the rearview mirror, “The day I come out is the day I spit in his face.”

Sizhui grinned, “You would never spit in his face.”

“You’re right,” Jingyi nodded, “But like, metaphorically, I would spit in his face.”

“Just hack him,” Wuxian suggested. “Do your Jingyi-thing.”

“Oh,” Jingyi scoffed. “I’m already working on something, trust me.”

“What? What are you working on?”

“I’ll tell you when I know,” Jingyi frowned. 

Wuxian pouted. “Damn.”

“Yeah, well,” Jingyi huffed, “Fuck that man. He literally threatened to ruin my life but _little does he know_ ,” Jingyi’s volume increased with each word. “ _He already fucking is_ ! _Arghhh_ ,” Jingyi gripped the wheel tightly and yelled until he went slack; he focused on the road again, relaxed. 

Sizhui stared at him. “Are you okay?”

“I am a gay Lan and I am bitter,” Jingyi grumbled. “I am not okay.” He yelled out in frustration again, “ _I want to kiss boys dammit_!!”

“As is your _right_ ,” Wuxian yelled back. “Wait… boys?”

“I… _Yes_ , Wuxian, I am gay,” Jingyi deadpanned. “We literally have a gay groupchat with Zizhen.”

“No, I know,” Wuxian stopped him. “Not gonna lie though, I honestly thought you would just want to kiss Sizhui.”

Sizhui and Jingyi glanced at each other. “I’m tired,” Jingyi muttered. Sizhui picked up his phone. “Wuxian, for fuck’s sake, I kiss Sizhui all the time.”

Wuxian raised his eyebrows, “I… Well I figured, yeah.”

Jingyi frowned in annoyance, “How can Wuxian figure it out and yet Jin Ling didn’t know a thing.”

“It’s Jin Ling, baby,” Sizhui muttered. 

Wuxian cackled.

“Okay, spill,” Jingyi spoke up. “I know you and the others probably talked about it; what do they know?”

“Only Zixuan, Yanli, and myself thought maybe you guys were dating. Huaisang, Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng were adamant that you were just _really_ really close friends. Wen Qing literally didn’t care,” he laughed. 

“Do you guys make it a habit to talk about relationships,” Sizhui asked honestly.

“... Yes,” Wuxian nodded. “You both should know this though? You literally talk to them all too.”

“I have no idea what you mean,” Jingyi lied. 

“I know you all get information about me and Lan Zhan from Zixuan,” Wuxian gave him a pointed look. “I’m not dense.”

“So you admit it,” Jingyi glanced into the rearview mirror again. “There’s a you and Wangji?”

“That’s not… What I mean.”

“He’s dense,” Sizhui whispered. 

“I can hear you,” Wuxian pouted. “Why are we talking about me anyways? I thought we were talking about Jingyi wanting to kiss boys, plural?”

Sizhui’s phone dinged loudly in the suddenly quiet car. He got his answer. Jingyi glanced at him.

He sighed, “I want to kiss Zizhen.”

“ _Shut up_ ,” Wuxian leaned forward. “Fuck, _I knew it_ ,” he hit the side of their seats excitedly. “I knew it! I knew it after you called me about Zizhen that one time.”

“Ah,” Sizhui nodded sadly. “A lapse in judgement.”

“ _Please_ ,” Wuxian leaned back. 

“Anyways,” Jingyi sighed. “You can’t tell anyone,” he said seriously. “Not right now. Wangji only knows about me and Sizhui. He can’t know about Zizhen. Only Jin Ling knows.”

“Of course, I wouldn’t say anything,” Wuxian held up his hand. “I promise you literally don’t have to worry about me saying anything. But good for you guys.”

“Oh, we broke up,” Sizhui said. 

“Oh… Shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sizhui shrugged. “We’re fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Jingyi’s face scrunched up, “You’re sad-”

“I’m not sad anymore,” Sizhui pointed out. “I’m upset you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset. I’m _bitter_ , and now I’m jealous!”

“Sounds upset,” Wuxian muttered to himself. 

“The whole thing sucks!”

“It’s not forever,” Sizhui reminded him.

Wuxian didn’t say anything. It really wasn’t his place to say anything in regards to whatever was going on between them. 

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Jingyi sighed. “Can we get ice cream?”

“Of course,” Sizhui agreed. 

Jingyi sighed heavily, “Sorry. Anyways; what did Lan Qiren say to you Wuxian?”

“Nothing,” Wuxian shrugged. “He didn’t even know I was there. I had to sneak out.”

“ _Huh_ ,” Sizhui turned around.

“I’m sorry, hold on,” Jingyi pulled over and into a parking space on the side of the road. He turned around to look at Wuxian. “He didn’t even know you were there?”

“Yeah? I never once in my life thought I would actually have to hide in someone else’s closet but-”

“I’m going to need every detail of what you two did,” Jingyi turned the car off. “We’re walking the rest of the way, let’s go.”

“Did you hold his hand yet,” Sizhui hopped out of the car.

news 

  


wangxian detectives chat 

  
  
  



	76. i just didn't know which chapter to put this in but it's in the original threadfic right here

check in with these pals 

  


  


xichen annoyed 

  



	77. It's Monday My Dudes euuUGGGGGAAAAHHHH

Jingyi and Jin Ling had gotten breakfast together for a _while_ now.

  
At first they took turns asking each other if they wanted to get breakfast, but then it turned into waiting for each other outside the cafeteria without ever saying a word. 

Jingyi sat in one of the few arm chairs on the main floor of the Campus Center, idly scrolling on his phone. 

Jin Ling hit his shoulder as he walked up behind him, walking past silently to swipe in. Jingyi huffed himself to a stand and tiredly followed. 

“You look like shit,” Jin Ling said as they dropped their stuff off at a table. 

“I slept like two hours,” Jingyi sighed. 

“Why?”

“For the presentation in class today. My group ended up not doing their part,” Jingyi took the cup Jin Ling offered him. “I’m not even going to let them talk either. I’m getting all the credit for this one.”

“Take a nap beforehand,” Jin Ling suggested. 

“Love a good power nap,” Jingyi sighed. “Did you want to get lunch after though. Like actually go somewhere,” Jingyi asked. “I’ll be caffeinated by then to actually sleep.”

“Depends.”

“On what,” Jingyi made a face.

“Are you going to ask about the boat again when I end up paying?”

“Will you fight me if I do,” Jingyi questioned. 

“Yes.”

“Then abso _lutely_!”

lunch 

  


why do we always argue about this 

  
  
  


  
  


big bird invited baby gays 

  
  
  


“someone” 

  
  
  


oH U dONt dRinK? 

  


not just wangji 

  


oh no 

  


it_is_wednesday_my_dudes.mp3 but make it monday! 

  


simmered and apologized 

  
  


DELETE 

  
  


Usually everyone worked on some sort of dish at the start of the night, but there were just too many people to be cramped around the same kitchen appliances. The freshmen four had reasoned with their friends; they supply the alcohol to make up for it. 

Excluding Sizhui of course since he was dead set on making a mountain of cookies with Huaisang. [They danced](https://open.spotify.com/track/1obisQNOcikRvTdStbW3pG?si=64650b8dc5f2429a) like idiots side by side, Huaisang getting clumsier and clumsier the longer they made cookies and the more he drank.

“Oh shit,” Huaisang stared down into the bowl before him before he started laughing. “I think that was too much sugar.”

“Hmm?” Sizhui turned away from the oven to peer at what Huaisang was working on. “Well,” they looked at each other. “I guess we have to make even more cookies.”

Wen Qing and Jiang Cheng sat together at the dining table sipping on their soda and talking business: who was going to stay the designated driver.

“I’m going to win,” Wen Qing said with confidence. She was eye-level with the jenga piece. “I’m going to win, and I’m going to drink some wine, and you’re going to bitch in the corner,” she muttered under her breath. 

“ _Excuse me_ ,” Jiang Cheng started. “I am a jenga _champ_ -”

“Your hands are nothing compared to these,” she held up her hands, a jenga piece between her fingers; he was unaware she had even pulled. “These hands were meant for medical purposes. They are steady and precise. Jenga has nothing on me.”

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes. “You’re going down.”

Wuxian, Zizhen, Jingyi, and Wen Ning roared with laughter in the living room. Wen Ning and Wuxian had finished making their food a while ago for everyone to pick at through the night while everything else was still being made. 

Zizhen fell into Jingyi, unable to pull himself out of his fit of laughter. 

“ _That’s not what I meant_ ,” Wuxian laughed with them, tears springing from his eyes.

“I can’t _breathe_ ,” Wen Ning screamed. 

“I have to _pee_ ,” Jingyi yelled, trying to roll Zizhen off of him but laughing too hard to muster any sort of strength to do so. 

Yanli watched the boys rolling around in laughter, Wuxian fumbling over his words to explain himself, Zizhen wiping his eyes, “ _Whewww, whew_ ,” he tried to calm himself down before looking at Wen Ning and springing right back into another fit.

Jin Ling glanced up from where he was stirring, “Zizhen and Wuxian feel like a dangerous combo like this.”

“As long as nothing breaks,” Zixuan drank from his cup, watching them closely. 

“Hey,” Yanli pointed to Zixuan, “Get to plating-”

“- _Zixuan_ ,” Huaisang yelled over his shoulder despite all of them being in the kitchen. 

“What,” Zixuan pushed himself off the island counter. 

“ _We need a bigger bowl_ -”

“Does it get louder than this,” Jin Ling asked Yanli. 

Yanli snorted, “Absolutely. You okay?”

“I’m fine; it’s just Zizhen and Jingyi but multiplied,” he shrugged. 

Zixuan looked down into the current bowl Huaisang was using. He picked up the empty bag of sugar. “Did you dump four pounds of sugar into this?”

Sizhui laughed and pulled out their recent batch of cookies. They were already 3 dozen in. Sizhui wanted to guess that they could make twice that with that much sugar… It’s not like they couldn’t match the rest of the ingredients; both he and Huaisang had picked everything up.

“I wouldn’t say ‘dump’,” Huaisang leaned back, bumping into Zixuan; Huaisang gripped his forearm to steady himself. “I would say ‘dropped’. I _dropped_ four pounds of sugar into the bowl.”

Zixuan snorted. Sizhui glanced down at Zixuan’s hand as it brushed over Huaisang’s waist, working around the smaller man to look for more mixing bowls. “I don’t know that I have a big enough bowl.”

Sizhui looked at Yanli; she gave him a soft smile and turned her attention back to the dishes before her.

“You should be more prepared for these things,” Huaisang joked, going over to get himself another drink. 

Zixuan scoffed, “Yeah, okay.”

Jin Ling piped up, “Once I dropped an entire thing of salt into soup.”

“Oh, sweetie, no,” Yanli frowned. 

Zixuan laughed, “I know for a fact that you’ve never had to make food a day in your life. There’s no way you could even make soup.”

“That’s not true! I tried!”

“Tried,” Yanli repeated for emphasis.

“Yeah, when,” Zixuan asked. 

“Last week,” Sizhui replied, popping a piece of a chocolate chip cookie into his mouth. “He burnt it too.”

Yanli laughed. 

“How do you burn soup,” Huaisang asked, holding his cup to his mouth. “Is that even possible?”

Sizhui laughed, “Oh, it’s possible.”

“Why would you tell them that,” Jin Ling asked. 

Yanli slid the bowl of mac and cheese away from Jin Ling slowly. 

“None of the boys can cook,” Sizhui pointed out. “They’re also very bad at just helping cook too.”

“You poor thing,” Huaisang said to Sizhui.

“ _AHAHA_ -” Jiang Cheng shot up from across the room as the jenga tower came tumbling down, getting everyone’s attention. “Poor me a shot, Huaisang!”

“It’s best 2 out of 3,” Wen Qing reminded him. “We’re tied.”

Jiang Cheng’s face fell. “Fuck,” he sat back down with a huff. 

Huaisang glanced through the bottles in front of him. He gasped and lifted one up. “Zixuan! Honey whiskey!”

“ _No_ -”

“Does it taste like honey,” Sizhui asked innocently.

Not drunk, Tipsy 

  


“Start the movie,” Wen Qing groaned, settled into Yanli’s arms with her second glass of wine. “I have work in the morning!”

“Yeah so do I,” Wuxian agreed with a pout. 

“You don’t even work Tuesdays,” Wen Ning reminded him.

“Oh right.”

Jiang Cheng stood up to turn off the music as a familiar song started. He froze and instead turned it up louder. 

“ _[Stacy’s mom,](https://open.spotify.com/track/27L8sESb3KR79asDUBu8nW?si=3209942b4be044d3) has got it going on- _” they all yelled out together. 

Surprising even to himself, Jin Ling joined all of his friends dramatically singing throughout the apartment, some dancing, some yelling wildly off key. 

This kept happening; they kept finding more ways to delay the start of the movie. More songs to sing, more snacks to make, more games to play, more jokes to make.

The entire night felt like chaos leading up to this moment. They started a tad earlier than they usually did with the freshmen four joining them, and boy was it for the best. The night was longer than usual but just as fun and just overall a great release from whatever stress they were all going through. Act as ridiculous as they wanted without question the next day. 

With everything going on… They needed to unwind and just… be.

"not drunk" 

A while after the group lost their energy, the movie was finally reaching its end. It was nice that Zixuan and Wen Ning’s apartment was big enough to have enough space to accommodate everyone spreading out comfortably.

Wen Ning and Wuxian were lying on the floor haphazardly in front of the TV, using some of Wen Ning’s penguin plushies as pillows, wrapped up in fuzzy blankets. Wen Ning had passed out some time ago, but Wuxian was staring blankly at the TV with weary eyes. Every so often he would tear his eyes from the screen and to his phone to talk to Wangji about the movie.

Jiang Cheng was the opposite, scrolling on his phone, curled up on the armchair. He only glanced up at the TV to make comments alongside Huaisang. 

Huaisang was across the room, propped up against a giant penguin plushie that he also stole from Wen Ning’s room. Beside him slept Zixuan, who was hiding his face under a blanket to block out the light from the TV. 

Wen Qing was also hiding her face from the light; Yanli going in and out of sleep. ”How much is left,” she asked quietly.

“About twenty minutes I think,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

“Ah, this movie is so long… I’m going to take a nap,” she mumbled, pulling a blanket up tiredly to her face.

Huaisang stood up to go to the kitchen. “Everyone is napping,” he pointed out.

“Been a hot minute since that happened,” Jiang Cheng replied. “Can you get me a cookie?”

Huaisang walked back with a cookie for everyone who was awake. Wuxian held the cookie to his mouth but didn’t immediately start eating it. “Is this not normal,” Jin Ling asked, taking a cookie. 

“Not unusual,” Huaisang shook his head. “Just been a while.”

“Wen Ning gets pretty cranky when he’s not home, but when we’re here he falls asleep pretty fast,” Jiang Cheng answered, reaching for his. “We usually gauge our nights based off of him.”

Huaisang handed a cookie to Sizhui as he sat back down.

Jin Ling watched Huaisang cautiously place a cup of water between himself and Zixuan before shifting his focus to Sizhui. 

He was a bit impressed at how the four of them were spread out on the couch; he assumed the others were as comfortable as he was. Sizhui was the farthest from Jin Ling, with his feet resting against an ottoman that he had stolen from Jiang Cheng. He was angled a bit so Jingyi could lean against him, completely passed out in his arms. 

Then there was Zizhen who was lying between Jingyi’s legs, facing away from the TV now, legs outstretched and tangled up with Jin Ling’s. It wasn’t like that at first. Jin Ling had been squished against the armrest for a long time before his legs started to cramp up.

He had stretched them out slowly, careful not to wake Zizhen, and careful not to draw too much attention. He wondered how the three of them were always so used to falling into such a perfect tangled mess together. He felt out of place beside them, though he supposed that might just be from the unfamiliarity of it all. 

Sizhui spent nearly the whole night being attentive to Jin Ling. He noticed Jin Ling taking in the details of Jingyi and Zizhen’s interactions. He noticed Jin Ling looking away any time Zizhen looked his way. He noticed Jin Ling keeping his distance. 

Zizhen hadn’t said anything to him and Jingyi about Jin Ling, but he was starting to think that maybe Jin Ling had finally said something with the way he’d been acting lately. Especially tonight; he was cautious of them.

Jin Ling met Sizhui’s gaze. He offered Jin Ling a soft smile.

misplaced trust 

  


Wuxian looked up from his phone with a bright smile. 

All of his friends started to make moves. Jiang Cheng had turned all the lights back on without warning while the credits rolled.

Wen Ning groaned loudly and covered his face. “Turn them _off_.”

“There’s shit all over the floor,” Jiang Cheng pointed out. “You will all trip and die.”

Zizhen, with his eyes closed and a prominent pout, grumbled, “Why’d he say it like that?”

Jingyi snorted and patted Zizhen’s side until he started to sit up. 

Wen Qing stood up and stretched. “... So what happened in the movie?”

Yanli, who still had the blanket over her head and hadn’t moved a muscle, laughed. “I have no idea.”

“I can’t say it was worth remembering,” Wuxian replied. 

“I was awake the whole time and I can’t even tell you,” Sizhui replied. 

Jin Ling, Jiang Cheng, and Wen Qing picked dishes off the floor around their friends silently. 

Yanli shook Wen Ning’s leg. He stared blankly at the ceiling. “Go to bed,” she instructed him. 

“I can’t move,” he mumbled tiredly. 

Zixuan huffed and pushed himself up, eyes squinting at the bright lights. “He’s not going to either,” Zixuan took a glass of water from Huaisang. 

“I will drag you,” Wuxian warned. 

“Okay.”

“He wants that,” Wen Qing pointed out, loading things into the sink to be handled later. She was in a rush to go home to sleep some more before she had to get up for work. 

Huaisang picked up the massive penguin, “Sizhui can you help me bring all this back to Wen Ning’s room?”

“Sure can,” he leaped up, picking up all the blankets and plushies around the room. 

It was still a mess, but organized within a matter of a couple minutes. Everyone was dragging their feet, sleep still weighing them down. 

“Let’s go,” Jiang Cheng called to Wuxian who had only dragged Wen Ning a few feet. “Wen Qing wants to go; leave him. They’re already on their way down.”

Jin Ling handed Jingyi his car keys. Sizhui led Zizhen out by his hand to follow Jiang Cheng. 

Zixuan kicked Wen Ning’s foot, “You’re going to fuck up your back again.”

Wen Ning groaned and let Zixuan pull him onto his feet.

Jingyi looked at Wuxian and pointed over his shoulder, “What about-”

Wuxian pushed both Jingyi and Jin Ling out the door. “Bye losers!”

“Yeah,” Zixuan replied. 

“Night,” Wen Ning mumbled. 

monday movie night goers 


	78. Celebrating Tuesday

tuesday concerns 

  


jingyi ended it fast 

  


film boy...? 

  


“This was sudden,” Wuxian admitted. 

“Spontaneous,” Wangji agreed. 

“But not really,” Wuxian smirked. “It was on the list.” They got out of the car and started walking towards the little pottery place. “Any reason today, or it just crossed your mind?”

“It’s a Tuesday,” Wangji replied. “... We’re celebrating.”

Wuxian stopped. Wangji walked ahead of him. 

Wangji wanted to celebrate Tuesday with him? 

He bit back a smile and jogged to catch up. 

So they painted pottery… 

And Wuxian almost cried about 5 different times. 

Once when Wangji carefully put on a little apron. They were for the staff, but they were all so adamant that Wangji must (!!!) wear one to keep his pretty clothing clean. When one of them went to tie it in the back for him, he instead turned around so Wuxian could tie it into a neat little bow. 

Wuxian really almost cried. 

The second time was when they were picking out their pieces and Wangji asked if they should pick out each other’s piece instead…. And they both picked up the same fox-shaped mug. Wangji smiled, “Should we still swap?”

They swapped. And Wuxian almost cried at the subtle smile left on Wangji’s face as he walked away, looking at the mug. 

The third time was when Wangji told Wuxian to pick out the colors he wanted to use first. Wuxian took his time, really indecisive. He wasn’t really sure what colors would look best so he just grabbed the prettiest ones, whether they matched or not. When he sat back across from Wangji, he took each color into careful consideration. 

Wuxian almost cried as Wangji left tiny and barely visible numbers on the mug as a guide for Wuxian to use. 

The fourth time was when they were actually painting. They were talking about nothing in particular. They were both far too focused; Wuxian with his tongue sticking out, grumbling whenever he messed up, Wangji getting distracted by Wuxian. 

When Wuxian looked up, he often caught Wangji looking at him. But by the third time, Wangji stopped looking away nervously. Instead he’d give quite possibly the smallest grin, before calmly focusing on the little fox before him. 

Wuxian almost cried, both at the way Wangji looked at him, and the way Wangji looked, painting with virtually no stress in the world. 

And then when they were leaving. 

“That was fun,” Wangji concluded. “What do you think?”

“Oh, I had a blast!” Wuxian hummed. “Though I’m not sure about the colors I picked. It might look awful when we pick them up.”

Wangji redirected him from heading to the car, to continue walking down the plaza. “I think it will look great regardless.”

“You’re just saying that,” Wuxian waved off.

“It will look fun,” Wangji said. 

“As in funny?”

Wangji chuckled, “It’s not a bad thing if it does.”

“Yours is going to look like pure _art_ . Mine _could_ possibly look like trash.”

“Didn’t you say that literal trash could be considered art?”

“Oh… Are we doing this now?”

“I’m just saying… If you don’t want your trash mug, I’ll keep it, and you can have mine-”

“ _Lan Zhan_ ,” Wuxian gasped.

“‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’, right?”

“Oh my god,” Wuxian laughed as Wangji slowed down, opening a door. “Okay well if I hate it, then it’s all yours.” Wuxian looked up at the sign to see where they were. 

Frozen yogurt.

They walked in together, “You mentioned wanting frozen yogurt in class yesterday. I made sure they were both going to be open.”

Wuxian didn’t care if his mug ended up being cute. He was going to give Wangji that mug regardless. If he wanted the mug, it was all his. 

He would give Wangji whatever he wanted.

“Happy Tuesday,” Wangji said across from him before he took a bite of the frozen yogurt. 

Wuxian smiled. _I’ll take care of Thursday._ “Happy Tuesday, Lan Zhan.”


	79. okay now it's ACTUALLY wednesday my dudes

he has his maps open 

  
  


pluralize 

  
  
  


daiyu 

  
  



	80. Because It's Thursday

“Ta da,” Wuxian held his arms out and motioned towards the kitchen. 

“Are we baking,” Wangji asked. 

“We sure are! Sorry it’s so late,” Wuxian apologized. He only just got out of work so they couldn’t get started earlier. 

“That’s okay!” Wangji looked at everything that Wuxian had pulled out. “A cake?”

“Yes!” Wuxian pulled out the recipe and gave it to Wangji. “A three layer cake?”

Wangji looked up, “Because it’s Thursday?”

“Mhm!”

Wangji wanted to kiss him. At least five different times. 

The first was… Simply when he walked in. When he walked in and saw everything they needed to bake was already laid out on the counters. He wanted to kiss him. 

The second was when he put the music on. Because the answer was no. The answer was no and… It could’ve been a yes. 

_Do you have a[boyfriend](https://open.spotify.com/track/2sklhnjsjVnazMBaJZXVBY?si=329c70883072454b)? _

It should have been yes. In another world, it would have been yes quite a while ago. 

_“-Watch your lips as you speak to me!”_ Wuxian danced as he cracked the eggs. “ _Gotta make a good impression!”_

Wangji laughed as Wuxian dropped a full egg into the mix, scooping it out himself. Wuxian smiled sheepishly, “Yikes,” he let out a heavy sigh. “We may regret letting me have a hand in this one.”

“Never.”

The third was when Wuxian gasped in the middle of pouring the mixture, handing it over to Wangji and running off to his room without a word. He came running back with his laptop held over his head, “ _I forgot to tell you!!!_ I got everything from Huaisang-”

And he babbled, and babbled, and completely forgot about baking while reading things off excitedly and pondering his thoughts aloud. 

“Look, look, look,” Wuxian turned his laptop around; Wangji put the pans into the oven and took note of the time. Wuxian smiled brightly, looking up at him.

God, Wangji really wanted to kiss him. 

The fourth was when Wuxian’s fingers hovered over his headband, similarly to when they were lying on Wangji’s floor together. 

Wangji didn’t bother stepping back, or pulling his hands away. 

Wuxian’s eyes locked with his; he pulled his hand away apologetically. “Your headband is a little crooked… Ah!” Wuxian pulled out his phone and lifted it up. Wangji reluctantly looked away from Wuxian’s face to the image of his own. With the help of the front facing camera he fixed it in less than a second. “Better!”

And then on his way out. 

Wangji insisted that Wuxian keep half the cake for himself and Jiang Cheng, and wouldn’t leave until Wuxian agreed. Of course, Wuxian stalled. But it was starting to get late. 

“My uncle thinks I’m at Xingchen’s,” he replied. “I have to go,” he frowned. 

“No frowning,” Wuxian pouted back. “We’re celebrating!”

“Mn… Thank you, Wei Ying.”

“Thank _you_ ,” Wuxian grinned, “This was fun!”

“It was.”

“We’ll do it again.”

“Perfect.”

Wangji pressed his lips together. Was he supposed to kiss him goodnight? Was that… Okay? Maybe… Well, maybe right now wasn’t the time.

It was late. And he really needed to be home soon.

“Goodnight, Lan Zhan.”

“Goodnight, Wei Ying.”

“Happy Thursday!”

Wangji smiled, “Happy Thursday.”


	81. Weekend in Qinghe

COMPLETE THE MUTUAL TO SAVE URSELF THE TROUBLE 

miserable bros 

He was on his way to his guest room after saying goodnight to Daiyu when he saw the bonfire still going strong off in the distance. 

He wasn’t sure that anyone was left but he didn’t mind if he was alone. His mind was racing to say the very least about where he was mentally.

Huaisang sat up in his seat when he heard someone approaching. 

Well… Zixuan didn’t mind this either. 

“Oh, hey,” Huaisang sat back again. “Everyone else literally  _ just _ left.”

“That’s okay,” Zixuan sat beside him. 

Huaisang watched the fire. “They love you by the way.”

“Do they?”

“They wouldn’t stop talking about you after dinner,” Huaisang confirmed. 

“Yikes.” Zixuan knew Huaisang’s family pretty well but it wasn’t often he ever saw them. And especially not in Qinghe. And definitely not under these circumstances.

“How’d it go with Daiyu?”

Zixuan and Huaisang might tell each other everything, but he was pretty sure he finally found something he absolutely did not want to ever talk about with Huaisang. Talking to Huaisang about the day he had with his cousin was not something he wanted to put into detail.

That went for any conversation he ever had with her before this, and everything following this. He just wasn’t sure he could do that.

It… It was just too weird, and wildly uncomfortable.

“Good.”

Huaisang wrapped his arms around his knees. “Did you kiss her?”


	82. There's a Boy I Know, He's the One I Dream Of

Wuxian had the dance room before Sizhui, but of course that didn’t stop them from overlapping their timeslots. 

“Just give me a snippet,” Wuxian asked. 

“Wuxian! No,” Sizhui laughed out, “You know we aren’t allowed to.”

“Ugh,” Wuxian pouted. “But you heard mine!”

“No I didn’t,” Sizhui plugged his phone in. “I had my headphones in.”

“You definitely still heard it,” Wuxian pushed himself off the floor.

“Anyways,” Sizhui stretched. “I had an idea on how we can switch the beginning of this.”

“Oh good, because I didn’t think about it at all since we last worked on it,” Wuxian admitted. 

“Okay, so-”

Wuxian and Sizhui tried to find time every week to dance together. It started so they could get better at improv, but then they switched their focus. 

Wuxian wanted to take one more dance class considering that’s really all that his time at UCR would allow. It wasn’t something he wanted to focus his time on beyond school unless it was something in his free time. 

But Sizhui has always quietly pursued dancing in some way or another since he was introduced to it. He decided, at least for now, to start zero-ing in on FPA with a focus in dance. This was something he could see himself doing for a long time. He wanted to get better, and learn as much as he could. 

So while Wuxian was okay missing their meetups when it came to his own personal gain, he was _always_ sure to reschedule to make it up to Sizhui. 

Some days Sizhui really relied on Wuxian to carry out their practice. And other days he took full charge, like he was now. 

“Ah,” Wuxian nodded. “I like this better,” he watched Sizhui from off to the side as he danced. 

Wuxian watched through the transition into the choreo they had worked on last time and paused the music. “Can you break down the beginning for me?” 

Wuxian followed alongside Sizhui, watching their reflection in the mirror as they went step by step.

They did a few runs but still weren’t entirely happy with it. “I mean it’s easier now that the music is cut,” Wuxian pointed out. 

“The end isn’t right,” Sizhui hummed. 

“Hello, hello,” Xingchen walked in casually. “What are you still doing here,” he asked Wuxian. “Not sharing songs I hope.”

“No,” Wuxian pouted, “Sizhui won’t tell me which song is his.”

“We were working on something else,” Sizhui explained. “We just lost track of time.”

“I’ll let you guys get to it,” Wuxian pushed himself to a stand.

“Not so fast,” Xingchen dropped his things onto the ground. He had planned on reviewing Sizhui’s choreo for the class assignments but he was wildly interested in what the two of them could possibly be working on. “Show me what you guys have been up to.”

“I’m a bit tired, y’know,” Wuxian pretended to fan himself. 

Xingchen rolled his eyes and motioned to the floor. 

Sizhui nudged Wuxian and went to restart the music. 

_[There’s a boy I know, he’s the one I dream of. Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above. ](https://open.spotify.com/track/5tdKaKLnC4SgtDZ6RlWeal?si=1a1ec9d571d24f38) _

Xingchen blinked in surprise. For starters, he was used to Sizhui dancing to slower songs and instrumentals. And the overall tone was different from where Wuxian tended to venture off into.

_Oh, I lose control, can’t seem to get enough. When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love?_

He was interested to see how they were going to switch the energy of their dance into the pre-chorus only to find it cut to keep steady. 

_How will I know?_

Xingchen’s jaw dropped.

_How will I know if he really loves me?_

Wuxian suddenly spun Sizhui into his arms, trailing his hands down Sizhui’s body. Sizhui remained in character, his expression and body language, completely opposite of how he presented himself to the world.

_I say a prayer with every heartbeat_

They dramatically separated again. Sizhui let out an infectious laugh. It didn’t stop him from matching the passion of the song or miss any steps. 

_I fall in love whenever we meet. I’m asking you what you know about these things. How will I know if he’s thinking of me?_

Xingchen turned the music off at the clear end of their choreo and just yelled with excitement. 

“Is that good or bad,” Sizhui asked.

“ _Lan Sizhui_ ,” Xingchen gaped. “Oh my god!”

“ _Right_ ,” Wuxian yelled back. 

Sizhui’s ears turned red. He pressed his lips together to bite back a smile.

“You Lan boys,” Xingchen shook his head.

“Do not,” Wuxian suddenly went very serious. “Do not tell me Lan Zhan can move his hips like Sizhui.”

Sizhui chuckled and turned back to Xingchen. “Can you help us with the end part? It feels off.”

“Sure, _of course_. How will I know if he really loves me,” he waved. 

“Bring it in,” Wuxian joked. 

“Don’t make it awkward,” Sizhui laughed, backing up into Wuxian’s arms. 

“Focus,” Xingchen stood before them. He repeated the lyrics back. “Not yet,” he stopped them before they stepped away. “On prayer. Again-” Xingchen watched them improvise for just a second longer. “Back together for ‘I fall in love’,” Xingchen demonstrated briefly what he wanted to see from them. “Try, see how it feels. Go from there.” He went back to the music as they went to start from the beginning.

“Don’t kiss me, Sizhui,” Wuxian joked. 

“Don’t kiss _me_ ,” Sizhui laughed as the music started, falling easily into step. 

Xingchen had initially watched with interest but now watched with a shifted focus and analyzed each step carefully. “Keep the energy,” he called out before the transition. There was that slight pause that he was afraid would cause a misstep. “Go to him, Sizhui,” he added quickly. 

_I say a prayer with every heartbeat. I fall in love-_

Sizhui grabbed Wuxian’s face; both bit back a laugh-

sizhui sexy 

  


thanks to jingyi 

  


one click 

  


PSPSPSPSPSP 

  


got them at the hippity hip 

  


JINGYI DHDJDJSJS 

  


sizhui’s power tbh 

  


hes making it up 

  


Xingchen walked back in followed by Lan Xichen. “Look who I found out in the wild,” he said.

Xichen had been dancing in the room beside theirs for quite a while and was on his way out when he ran into Xingchen. 

“Xingchen said you’re having difficulty with your assignment?” Xichen sat across from him. 

“Mn,” Sizhui nodded. “I changed it numerous times already. None of it is right.”

“Okay,” Xichen unplugged Sizhui’s phone and plugged in his own. “You’re stretched?”

“I am.”

“Let’s do some improv.”

“I tried that already,” Sizhui said sheepishly.

“Not to your song. I’m going to sit here and keep changing the music. You won’t know when. Just keep dancing, okay?”

Sizhui nodded and pushed himself up. 

wwx impatient 

  


suffer 

  
  


[ sizhui’s song  ](https://open.spotify.com/track/26geqsCPnPwgyVfZLNaaHz?si=5c714bfa084d41b5)

  



	83. In Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// arranged marriages implied

“I just don’t understand how you can know if you’re  _ in  _ love,” Zixuan stressed. “Like I love you guys. So what’s the difference? You just decide who you want to spend more of your time with?”

“I mean,” Wuxian looked to Wen Qing. 

“Okay,” Wen Qing leaned forward, “One more time-”

Zixuan tried to follow along with everything Wuxian and Wen Qing said to him… And he did… A little too easily but that was the problem. He didn’t want to understand. He liked it better when he didn’t know what the fuck any of it was.

That alone confused him.

“So you’re saying I can’t know, unless I know,” he stated after they rambled and rambled about their own thoughts, the general assumption, and the fact that well… Every relationship is different. 

“Zixuan,” Wuxian sighed heavily. “What do you picture when you think of being in love?”

Zixuan pushed the brief image in the back of his mind. “Nothing.”

“Who do you picture,” Wen Qing asked instead. 

Zixuan stared at her for a moment. 

This was about that text message he had sent to his group chat with her and Yanli when he was with Daiyu in Qinghe. 

He really shouldn’t have sent anything.

Wuxian looked between the two of them curiously. 

Zixuan looked back to Wuxian, “What do you picture?”

He let Wuxian ramble, and gush, and spill all his hopes of what he wanted. It kind of upset him to hear the kind of life Wuxian wanted and the kind of person he wanted to spend it with. It upset him because he wasn’t allowed that. 

Everything was planned for him. He didn’t get a say. He never got a say. He was three when his mother decided who he was going to marry. And he spent most of his life prepared to get married to Yanli. Even when he knew that wasn’t going to happen, he let his parents believe it would. Because he didn’t want the plan to change to something else. 

To this. 

Wen Qing looked at Zixuan curiously after Wuxian left the room. “You’re upset.”

“A bit,” he let out a humorless chuckle. “It’s fine.”

“Talk to me about it.”

Zixuan didn’t want this. And there was nothing he could do about anything. It was all planned out. Decisions were made. He could only delay things for so long. 

Maybe Wen Qing could tell him what he should do… 

Talking to Wen Ning and Huaisang about it was okay but maybe he needed someone else’s thoughts. Someone who might see the situation for what it really was.

He wasn’t sure Wen Qing had stopped frowning the entire time they spoke. She looked nothing but concerned for Zixuan… He didn’t even mind when she asked about the text message. He didn’t mind when the conversation shifted into talking about everything Zixuan avoided ever talking about. Vulnerability was not in a Jin’s vocabulary  _ or _ practice… But with Wen Qing he didn’t mind. 

Right up until she told him to do the last thing he would ever do. 

Confrontation was just as bad as being vulnerable. Putting them together was just asking for trouble. He wasn’t so sure he was willing to do that.

Zixuan absentmindedly picked at the pillow in his lap. What he was feeling right now? It was nothing…

Wen Qing’s heart broke, “Clearly it’s not, Zixuan. Don’t trick yourself into thinking that.”

“I have to trick myself into thinking that.”

At least… Enough for him to figure out what the fuck he was going to do.


	84. Campus Protest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// homophobia

Wangji really wasn’t that surprised to find out that Wuxian had planned some sort of protest with a few of the Queer Lit students and QSU. The course was going to be wiped from curriculum; it wasn’t even going to be archived for future opportunity to reintroduce the course, and the QSU and all related activities or partnerships with the them on campus were to cease at the end of the semester. 

Funding would be redistributed to other clubs and organizations; no unaffiliated clubs were going to be allowed to meet on campus or do any activities; it was being forced entirely off campus. It may have just been two “small” things being removed from the campus community for some people, but it was bound to grow. Considering the diction of the email that went out to students, any club or organization that had programs or resources even _remotely_ relating to anything that the Queer Student Union had to offer, would have their budgets cut in half for each “offense”.

Qin Su, Wuxian, and Zhao Yue really took charge of the entire thing. Word of what was happening spread fast and quite a _lot_ of students were fired up over it; more than was expected anyways. 

Xichen and Wangji both cancelled their classes to allow students to attend if they wanted to; near all of them did. 

Wangji was off to the side, with a couple other Lans. Enough to show that they agreed with the rest of the students, but not enough that they couldn’t lie their way out of it if they were approached by older members of their community. Wangji glanced around the Lans around him and was… pleasantly surprised at both the number, but also the particular people he saw.

“Hanguang-Jun,” Sizhui walked up beside him. He kept his tone respectful with the other Lans around them, keeping his focus on the crowd. “Don’t you have class right now?”

“It didn’t seem right when Queer Lit is the one being cut,” he replied. A couple Lans looked over at him. “I wasn’t going to lower anyone’s grades because they felt they needed to skip for this.”

“Mn,” Sizhui nodded. “Don’t you think it’s a bit sad though?”

“What is?”

“That we all feel like we need to stand over here,” Sizhui said loud enough for those around to hear. “Are we all really so scared to stand with our friends? Or maybe for ourselves?”

“There’s a lot to lose,” someone behind Sizhui said. 

Sizhui didn’t bother turning around. “Isn’t there a lot to gain?” He glanced up with a smirk, an eyebrow raised; almost as a challenge. It made Wangji think of Jingyi. “See you later,” he ran off.

Wangji bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Sizhui jog up to Huaisang and Mianmian. He looked apologetic but bowed his head to Mianmian as Huaisang introduced them. 

He scanned the crowd to find Xingchen and Song Lan standing towards the back, just as his brother and Mingjue walked up to them. 

“ _Wangji_ ,” Lan Qiren’s voice called out somewhere to his side. A few Lans immediately turned away from the commotion and walked off in the opposite direction. “Lan Wangji!”

Wangji breathed in deeply and set off towards his brother as if he didn’t hear anything. 

“Wangji,” Xingchen smiled as he approached, “Qin Su was telling us about how most of your class spearheaded this.”

“It seems so,” Wangji nodded. “Do you know what they are doing right now,” he glanced at everyone crowding around the doors. “They can’t get in.”

“You absolutely did not hear this from me,” Mingjue started, “But they can.”

Xichen blinked in surprise. “How?”

Mingjue motioned towards the tree off to the side of the Administration building. 

The small group looked over to see Lan Jingyi and Ouyang Zizhen sitting under a tree hunched over a laptop. 

Jingyi excitedly hit Zizhen’s shoulder and pushed him off; Zizhen ran through the crowd.

“Can he really do that,” Xingchen asked. 

“According to your sister he can figure out anything,” Song Lan pointed out. 

“Oh, are they friends,” Xichen asked. 

“They probably will be,” Song Lan replied. 

The front doors swung open, everyone calmly and quickly filing in. 

Xichen turned around at the sound of their uncle’s voice. “Be right back,” he smiled apologetically at them before going over, conveniently placing his body between Qiren’s view of the students filing in. 

Mingjue didn’t hesitate to make his way over to them to help distract Qiren. 

“Damn I wish I was a student,” Song Lan replied. “I’d sit my ass down on the floor with them.”

Song Lan just signed a contract with the Lit Department, beginning at the start of the new semester. He couldn’t risk losing that; none of the professors were able to protest the decisions made. But they could wait until they were brought into the equation by the board. 

It wasn’t a huge portion of the student body that even showed up, but it was bigger than just the QSU and their few affiliations. Big enough to get attention. It went to show that the LGBTQ+ community on campus was bigger than the administration had expected. 

“Sure as hell going to wait though,” Xingchen agreed, nodding a greeting to Mianmian as she joined them. 

“If I knew they were going in, I would’ve just given them the code myself,” Mianmian started.

Jingyi walked up to them, holding his laptop. He glanced around them to peer at Lan Qiren. “Hi, sorry to interrupt,” he lowered his voice. “Have you seen Sizhui,” he asked Wangji.

“Sizhui?” Xingchen shook his head. “Is he here?”

“He is,” Wangji replied. “I don’t know where he went.”

Jingyi glanced towards the admin building. “... Great.” 

guangyao is stressed out 

  
  


shut up lan qiren 

  


u can only tag urself as @/literallyevery1rn 

  


fired up 

  
  


adjunct profs & song lan is no more 

  
  
  



	85. & the Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// homophobia

Wangji and Xichen sat in silence long after their uncle had gone to bed. 

“Are we supposed to tell them,” Wangji asked quietly. 

“We should.”

“I don’t think Mianmian will react well.” 

Xichen didn’t reply. 

“It doesn’t need to change a lot. He doesn’t need to know about it.”

“Mn.” Xichen sighed. 

Xichen already lied a lot more than he cared to admit. Lately he just kept adding lies to his plate. Clearly Wangji was doing the same… It was likely to blow up in their face. 

“Couldn’t be me.” 

  
  
  


it’s not “just” anything 

  


scholarships 

  


well i’m awake 

  


This wasn’t quite what Jin Ling expected even though he made it quite obvious that Sizhui could sleep with him for the night. And yet he _still_ thought that Sizhui would crawl into Zizhen’s bed when he walked into the room. 

But of course he wasn’t dating Zizhen anymore. Maybe he was trying to respect some boundaries. 

… And Jin Ling _did_ offer...

Sizhui climbed into Jin Ling’s bed silently. Jin Ling dumbly opened his mouth to say something but all that came out was a barely audible, “Uh?”

Sizhui crawled into Jin Ling’s arms, practically moving Jin Ling until he molded around him. Jin Ling had no idea how to react, holding Sizhui like this. 

Sizhui didn’t say anything, he just buried his face and let out a deep sigh. Jin Ling cautiously wrapped his arms around Sizhui properly. It felt a tad awkward, since he was just slightly smaller than Sizhui; he was used to Zizhen wrapping around him, not the other way around. 

He was used to Zizhen. Not Sizhui. 

Sizhui’s hand closed around the fabric of Jin Ling’s clothes. He tried to get closer, despite there being no space between them. 

He was quite clingy… More than Zizhen was. 

Jin Ling thought maybe he could get used to this too.

And Zizhen? 

Well it was one hell of a shock to wake up seeing Sizhui practically laying on top of Jin Ling; Jin Ling’s leg draped over Sizhui, his arm over his eyes… possibly an awful sleep for Jin Ling but an amazing one for Sizhui. 

Zizhen didn’t need to get any closer to see that it was Sizhui and not Jingyi. Which… Confused him more; not that seeing Jingyi with Jin Ling would be much less of a surprise but…

Why was Sizhui here?

rulan & a-yuan, and a mother-son duo 


	86. pls read their spin off "flourish" when u finish circles :(

plant babies? zixuan and wen qing? 

  
  


the coparenting gc caught hanahaki 

  
  


Zixuan couldn’t sleep. His mind was racing and he couldn’t process anything. He couldn’t process anything that Wen Qing had said to him. 

He didn’t say anything when he should’ve. That was the point of all this, and he hadn’t said anything...

He didn’t know what to do. He felt so incredibly stuck. He wasn’t even sure if what he was feeling was real. He wasn’t sure if it was all in his head or not. He wasn’t sure if it was a “phase” like his mom always called these things. 

He wasn’t sure what this was.

But he knew he couldn’t have it. 

He shouldn’t have even had a taste of it. Because it was going to eat at him for, what he imagined, a long time. 

Things could’ve been so different. 

But this is where he was.

He could imagine his parents disappointment if they knew half the things he did with Huaisang when no one was around. The way they’d react. 

They could never know about this.

This...

Things he sometimes still deemed ridiculous and blamed endlessly for his quiet need for touch… But they weren’t ridiculous. And he didn’t want just anyone touching him.

Things that made him uncomfortable to finally confront.

He just kept letting himself indulge in the things he knew he couldn’t have in his life. 

But… Why couldn’t he have them? 

Why couldn’t he have these things?

Other people got to have them. But he couldn’t?

It wasn’t fair. 

It wasn’t fair because he _did_ indulge. In _him_. And that changed everything. 

It changed everything, even if they both wanted to pretend that it didn’t.

It was undeniable. 

Because at the end of the day, when Zixuan had to walk away from this “fun”, it was going to change their friendship. 

He might not be able to find comfort in the same old, same old. He might not find relief in moments like this. 

Moments of stubbornness and bickering for the sake of bickering. Moments of sharing laughter in the dark. Moments of singing and yelling along to each other’s favorite songs. Moments of comfortable normalcy. Moments of quiet openness. Moments of listening and understanding. Moments of tipsy touching. Moments of messy kissing. 

Moments only to be had with him.

Zixuan looked down as an arm slipped between his elbow and his waist. The smaller body pressing closer towards him in his sleep. 

He was never awake for this. He only ever woke up the next morning to being held. He always gravitated towards Zixuan.

… He couldn’t have this?

Zixuan’s chest tightened. 

No…

He could have this. He _could_ have this, right? 

It had to be mutual… Right? 

It felt mutual.

Zixuan cautiously placed his hand over the smaller, softer hand, entwining their fingers. 

He let out a shallow breath. 

He was making a decision. An _actual_ decision, not whatever he had been doing. He had to tell him. He could at least manage that. 

He was nervous because… what if it was in his head; what if it wasn’t mutual? 

No. 

No surely it _must_ be. Everything from the last two years _had_ to mean it was mutual…?

He closed the gap between them, the arm around his waist instinctively tightened. 

“Huaisang,” he whispered. “Are you awake?” He waited. A little louder, “Huaisang?”

Huaisang inhaled slowly. “Hm?”

“Huaisang, I…” Zixuan hesitated. He wanted this. Huaisang wanted this too, right? It was real? 

He felt numb.

… He couldn’t have this… At least not as things were.

Huaisang sensed a discomfort with Zixuan. He tiredly propped himself up on his elbow. “Zixuan?” He peered down, pulling Zixuan’s hair back. “Are you okay?” 

Zixuan sniffled. 

“Hm?” Huaisang leaned forward, running his fingers through Zixuan’s hair. “Are you crying?” He turned Zixuan’s face towards him, the tears falling against his hand. Zixuan was actually crying? 

But he didn’t cry... 

“Why are you crying?”

Zixuan whispered, “I don’t know.” He was overwhelmed. He was wildly overwhelmed. After these last couple years, that feeling had finally caught up to him. And this time, he couldn’t push it away. He was _too_ overwhelmed.

Huaisang pulled back slightly, concerned. “Do you want to talk?” 

Zixuan rolled onto his back so he could look at Huaisang. He couldn’t say anything. He just cried. 

Huaisang wiped Zixuan’s tears and cupped his cheek. Zixuan leaned into his hand, unable to hold back a quiet gasp as his tears flowed. 

“Zixuan,” Huaisang frowned. 

Wow, he _really_ hated this feeling. He let out a small whimper, “I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay,” Huaisang replied immediately, “It’s okay.” 

Zixuan rolled over so he could wrap his arms around Huaisang. 

Huaisang was caught off guard but let the bigger man hold onto him. He wrapped his arms around Zixuan as well, running his fingers through his hair to try and calm him. He didn’t know what exactly caused this but he didn’t want Zixuan crying. 

Huaisang had woken up to Zixuan’s voice and had just _assumed_ Zixuan was going to ask him to leave. 

He assumed he’d be asked to leave, just like he used to ages ago. Just like all the other times they would drink and make out. 

Or the times that they helped each other get off. 

But this wasn’t one of those nights. 

It hasn’t been like that in a long time.

Huaisang had stopped leaving. They didn’t need to sober up and sleep off any sort of desires anymore. They weren’t relying on alcohol as an excuse to do what they wanted anymore. 

Zixuan’s impending engagement was an excuse to keep doing what they wanted, though admittedly, being engaged to Huaisang’s cousin was a wildly unwanted surprise.

They didn’t wait for embarrassment to set in anymore. He didn’t have to get kicked out, or see himself out the next morning. Zixuan didn’t wake up and remind him he still had to go home anymore or vice versa. 

It had been to save themselves from the awkwardness of it all. But the only discomfort now came from knowing it had to stop. 

Waking up to Zixuan crying? At 5am? 

Something must’ve happened in the few hours Huaisang had been asleep. 

He tried to imagine what it might have been as he ran his fingers down Zixuan’s back; Zixuan’s breathing slowly regulating. 

“Go to sleep, Zixuan,” Huaisang whispered. “It’s okay.” 

Zixuan nodded, his palms that had been clenched around Huaisang’s clothing slowly relaxed. 

Zixuan let himself drop his guard. He let himself drop his expectations of himself. 

He felt Huaisang’s arms around him.

For now that was enough. 

* * *

Zixuan woke up alone. 

He immediately wanted to cry again. 

He glanced at the time.

8:47am. 

Huaisang must’ve left after he fell asleep. 

He was too tired to notice that Huaisang’s phone was still on the bed as he went to the bathroom. 

He looked about as awful as he felt; he avoided looking in the mirror while he brushed his teeth. It might just make him cry again. 

Huaisang took the tea he made back to Zixuan’s room while he was out. He took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself to talk to Zixuan. But of course he wasn’t prepared. He wasn’t prepared to see Zixuan walk back in, nothing but defeat draping over his entire body. 

He sat before Huaisang. Huaisang handed the cup of tea over to Zixuan silently. “Thank you,” he was barely audible. 

Huaisang nodded but said nothing else. Zixuan stared down into the cup. It took Huaisang gently guiding the cup up for Zixuan to finally take a sip. 

He was thinking about too much. He was thinking about everything. Absolutely everything. From how this started. To the pretending, and the avoiding. To when they decided to “just have fun” and joke around about it. But it wasn’t really a joke. 

They sat there in silence until Zixuan had drunk nearly half the cup. He looked up at Huaisang finally, his eyes watering. 

Huaisang took the cup and placed it off to the side. “I should have said something to you sooner,” Zixuan said quietly. 

“About what,” Huaisang frowned. 

“That this means something to me. _This_ ,” he motioned to the space between them, “It means something. I-I didn’t realize to what extent until everything changed… And Huaisang, _everything_ changed.”

Oh god… 

No, no… This isn’t what Huaisang wanted to talk about. Not yet. Not this. Because if Zixuan was finally talking about it, that meant it was over.

“I know it wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but it does…” He wiped his already wet cheek with his sleeve, “I knew that when I found out my dad changed his plans for me… And I didn’t say anything to you because I didn’t want to admit it was happening. Because with Yanli, I could have figured something out. But I can’t with this… I ran to you after I found out, and I didn’t say _anything_ ,” he started to feel like he was losing composure. 

Huaisang couldn’t reply yet. He was processing that this was finally happening. He was processing that the one thing he knew for _sure_ would happen, was actually happening. Right now. Right after they got over their awkwardness from the Qinghe trip.

“I shouldn’t have waited,” Zixuan continued, angry with himself. “I shouldn’t have avoided you. I _should_ have said something when I found out,” he meant about Daiyu. He hiccuped, “And I should have _told_ you when I finally admitted to myself how I felt.” 

Huaisang wiped his own eyes before making Zixuan look at him. “I could have said something sooner too.”

“I don’t know what’s happening,” he was quiet. He didn’t want to be too loud. Being loud made it real. Undeniably real. From what he felt, to what he wanted. He didn’t know how to process any of it. “This wasn’t supposed to mean anything…”

Huaisang couldn’t help that his eyes were watering. All he wanted was for Zixuan to feel the same way he did. It would have been better if he didn’t. It would have been easier. “I should have stopped this before it went so far,” he admitted. “I should have stopped when I realized how _I_ felt.”

Zixuan shook his head, “It wouldn’t have done anything.”

Huaisang felt sick to his stomach. “This isn’t fair,” he whispered, looking down at his hands. 

This wasn’t fair. They could’ve had something. They could’ve been something. 

They could’ve.

If they weren’t Nie Huaisang and Jin Zixuan.

It was his turn to break. 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Huaisang straightened his posture. He wasn’t ready to let go of this.

Zixuan let out a sigh, he knew Huaisang was going to try and rationalize. It would just make everything worse. “Huaisang, please-”

“-Just,” Huaisang grabbed his hand to stop him. “Can’t we just not tell anyone? Right? We can do that? A-and then nothing changes? No one has to know-”

Zixuan was almost positive he wasn’t going to stop crying at this rate. Everything just kept getting worse and worse. His entire day was shot to hell. Just end it here. Maybe tomorrow wouldn’t suck this much.

“We… We can even tell Wen Ning that it’s over? We can be even more careful! _No_ one has to know. I’ll tell Mingjue we’re just friends again. He’ll believe me. M-maybe we-”

He let Huaisang ramble about all the possibilities that neither of them were comfortable taking in the end. Huaisang held onto Zixuan as if he would disappear the moment he let go. Holding his hands. His hand on the back of his neck. Cupping his tear-soaked face. 

He knew everything he said wasn’t going to happen, but he searched Zixuan’s face desperately for any sign that maybe they could grasp onto something. 

But he wasn’t sure there was something to grasp onto. 

“This isn’t fair,” Huaisang whispered. “I don’t want to do this yet,” he admitted. “I don’t want to end this yet.”

But there was no good time to. He knew that. He knew it would just get worse and worse the closer they got to Zixuan moving back to Lanling… With his cousin…

Zixuan pulled Huaisang to him. He cried into Zixuan’s shoulder. 

Everything was different. 

They would have to see each other more often than either of them wanted to under the circumstances. They would have to see each other and not touch each other, not kiss each other; the way they were before would have to stop. It didn’t matter if they were “friends”. It would just make things feel more difficult for them. They knew that. For their own sanity it would have to stop.

Huaisang pulled back, his last burst of energy, “Zixuan please... You’re not engaged yet, not technically. She hasn’t accepted anything. Please. We don’t have to do this yet.” Zixuan wiped Huaisang’s tears. He leaned into Zixuan’s hand. “Please.”

Huaisang knew what Zixuan was going to say before he brokenheartedly finally said it out loud. “We can’t do this anymore.” 

“I know.”

“It’s not fair to you…” It wasn’t fair to either of them. 

Zixuan was right… Everything changed. He knew it wasn’t her fault but he started to feel resentment towards his cousin for this.

He didn’t know how to go back from this. He didn’t know how he was supposed to see Zixuan nearly every day and not hurt from this.

How was he supposed to pretend that he wasn’t feeling physical pain from this? That his chest didn’t hurt? That it didn’t feel like his airway was closing? 

How was he supposed to pretend that he didn’t think about Zixuan? That Zixuan didn’t so naturally cross his mind throughout the day?

Huaisang played with Zixuan’s fingers. He wouldn’t be able to do this. “I don’t know how to be different around you,” he said quietly. 

Zixuan watched Huaisang tracing the lines in his hands, running his fingertips over the length of Zixuan’s. He felt too defeated to react to anything anymore. 

“If… We’re ending this now,” _before it even starts_ , Huaisang added to himself. “Maybe we shouldn’t uhm…”

“No more sleepovers?”

“Yeah…” Huaisang sniffled. A tear landed in Zixuan’s palm; he wiped his face quickly. “Or studying… It’s… A lot of _you_ , otherwise,” he looked up to see Zixuan looking at him seriously.

“Okay.” Zixuan felt like shit. This was his fault. This was entirely his fault. 

“Can we talk about this some other time? Will you be okay if I leave?”

_No_. “Will you?”

Huaisang bit his lip in an attempt to choke back a sob. He shook his head, letting Zixuan wrap his arms around him again.

They didn’t stay like that for long. Huaisang needed to leave. He couldn’t sit here anymore. He pulled back, groaning in frustration for crying; he wiped his face for the last time. “I should go; I’m sorry.”

“Me too.”

Huaisang looked into Zixuan’s shining eyes, the tears visible on his puffy cheeks. “Can… Can you kiss me?”

“Just a kiss…”

“Just a kiss,” Huaisang repeated.

i hate it here so much hi 

  


Jingyi didn’t think he had ever seen Zixuan look so miserable in his life. Apathetic, sure. But miserable?

They had happened to run into him inside Lotus Root. Jingyi had assumed he was there with Huaisang since Huaisang was sitting off to the side with a cup of tea and his textbook open. 

Except that Zixuan and Huaisang just barely lifted their hands in a weak attempt to wave goodbye as Zixuan walked by the freshman four. He didn’t even acknowledge them; though it was likely he hadn’t even realized they were right there. 

“Huaisang,” Zizhen gasped and sat across from him. Huaisang smiled warmly at him. “Okay, so I talked to-”

Jingyi hated to do it since it was really the first time he was hanging out with Zizhen ‘normally’ again but... “Jin Ling,” Jingyi stopped him before he approached the counter where Wen Qing was telling Sizhui about the blend of the day. “I’m going to head out-”

“Why,” he tilted his head. “Are you feeling okay,” Jin Ling glanced over him to see if something seemed wrong but Jingyi seemed perfectly fine. 

“I… Yes?” Jingyi blinked. “I just have to go talk to Zixuan-”

“Okay… I’ll tell them.”

“Thanks-”

“Yeah, whatever,” Jin Ling waved him off. 

Jingyi snorted but was quick to head back out the door. 

“Zixuan-” Jingyi jogged up but he didn’t turn around. “ _Jin Zixuan_ -”

Zixuan paused and looked over his shoulder. He pulled out his headphones, “Oh… Sorry did I walk by you?”

“Yeah, in Lotus Root.”

“Oh,” Zixuan shifted uncomfortably on his feet. “Sorry, I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Are you going somewhere right now?”

“No… Just home.”

Jingyi hummed, “Do you wanna go for a drive again?”

Zixuan didn’t reply right away. It was clear Jingyi wasn’t asking to go for himself this time. 

“I’ll drive,” Jingyi held out his hand.

you had me at wangxian 

  
  
  


_[What was simple, now there’s questions.](https://open.spotify.com/track/0fN3iJa0qbbpFXU0g2B5ya?si=57fd9f21e2f24305) The kind that I don’t look my best in. And the ghost in me will keep us far apart. _

“You can go with them if you want,” Zixuan replied, pulling his legs to his chest. It was clear that he had zero interest in even entertaining the thought of meeting up with all of their friends.

_And you know you don’t deserve this. And I don’t know how to word this._

“Nah,” Jingyi waved his hand, “I’m fine. Not in the mood to be surrounded by people.”

“Thought you thrived on that.”

_But before you go, before you go, I just wanted you to know. That I would, that I would, I would love you if I could._

“Not always,” Jingyi replied. “Sometimes it’s nice to just… Exist in a space without putting all your energy into those around you.”

“Mn.”

_But my unsteady heart’s not ready. You’d only get what’s left of me. Only this, only this, is gonna be the death of me._

Jingyi watched Zixuan carefully from the corner of his eye as he reached forward and turned the music up quite loud. 

Zixuan didn’t mind not driving someone around for once. He rarely ever sat in the passenger seat. 

It wasn’t so bad. On instinct he’d still look both ways before turning, accidentally leaning a little too far forward for Jingyi sometimes, but it was okay. He mostly zoned out and watched as things passed. 

He didn’t have to think of the next turn, or the cars around them, or people crossing the road. He didn’t have to think of which direction to head in, or when to start making his way back. 

_I’ve forgotten how it feels to have my head over my heels. I don’t want to walk away, but it’s not fair to let you stay._

He didn’t have to think about anything. He felt the fresh air against his cheeks, and the sound of the music taking up the space around him. 

_I’ll fall apart beyond a kiss. A castaway upon your lips._

It was enough to drown out everything else for just a moment. 

_Only this is gonna be the death of me_.

taking recs 

  



	87. A Perfect Set

“I am horrified,” Wuxian stared at his mug. 

“Why? The colors look quite nice together,” Wangji replied. 

“Lan Zhan! Look!”

“I am looking,” Wangji chuckled and leaned over, “It is very cute.”

“Cute?! Are you kidding me,” he laughed. “It’s a mess! I missed spots and everything is so… It’s a mess!”

Wangji hummed. “So do you consider this trash?”

“Yes!”

Wangji held out his hand expectantly. 

“Oh no,” Wuxian shook his head. “Yours is so well done and ridiculously adorable. You can’t possibly want this more.”

“I do,” Wangji countered. “You made it.”

“Ah, Lan Zhan…”

“And I hate mine,” Wangji held out his near perfect mug. The colors were even, bright, and had clear lines. You would have assumed that the mug was mass produced and purchased, not hand painted. 

Wuxian didn’t move. It was so _ugly_ compared to Wangji’s. Wuxian’s mug was a mess like him. And Wangji’s was… Another perfect Lan. Wangji even painted it in soft blues and white. 

Wangji smirked and swapped their mugs. “Perfect,” Wangji held Wuxian’s mug with pride. “I love it.”

Wuxian smiled at the little Wangji-esque mug in his own hands. “Me too.”

“... Let’s go use them.”

“Right now?”

“Yes,” Wangji started his car.

“Lotus Root is closed,” Wuxian started slowly. 

bare minimum 

  
  


a set 

  


the word 


	88. Always Okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// nail biting mentioned

exist 

Exist… That’s all they did. 

Zizhen lied down haphazardly on Jingyi’s bed while Jingyi was busy doing… who knows what, on his laptop. 

Zizhen played music off his phone, minding his own business. Occasionally he’d glance over to see if he could make sense of what Jingyi was doing but he never could. 

Eventually he let go of his phone and just watched Jingyi click away on his computer. 

He felt like he was lying.

But he  _ wasn’t  _ lying to Jingyi or Sizhui but, he sure as hell wasn’t telling them what was happening. He understood that he didn’t have to anymore but… 

“Jingyi?”

“Yeah, what,” Jingyi didn’t turn around. 

“Can I talk to you?”

“Sure, about what?”

Zizhen sighed and tried again. “Can I talk to you?”

Jingyi paused and turned to see that Zizhen was biting his nails. He didn’t want him to do that. “Of course. Can I sit with you?”

They sat side by side with their backs against the wall. 

Jingyi pulled Zizhen’s hand away from his mouth; Zizhen closed his fist in embarrassment. He didn’t want Jingyi to see his nails. He was biting them pretty badly when they broke up, and while no one else noticed, Jingyi and Sizhui were wildly attentive to Zizhen and his behavior; they noticed quite fast. 

He stopped for a while when they started talking slowly again, and acting “normal” whenever they were with their friends. But then he started feeling like he was doing things behind their back and… Well here he was again. 

Jingyi gently uncurled Zizhen’s balled fists and trailed his thumbs over Zizhen’s fingers. “What are you thinking about?”

“I didn’t tell you guys something,” Zizhen watched Jingyi’s fingers trace over his, committing every detail of his rougher hands to memory. 

“You don’t have to tell us everything,” Jingyi reminded him quietly. He was careful holding Zizhen’s hands. He had bitten his nails really low. Jingyi didn’t bite his nails but he assumed it must’ve hurt. 

“I should’ve told you about this… I just… I promised that I wouldn’t say anything. I pinkie promised.”

Jingyi hummed. “And you want to break it?”

Zizhen closed his eyes and let his head rest against the wall. “No. But I can’t not tell you guys. Not when I’m trying to… Fix everything. I don’t want to be in limbo forever.”

“What if I guess,” Jingyi asked. “Did you promise not to say anything?”

“Yeah.”

“So don’t say anything until you feel you have to,” Jingyi suggested. 

Zizhen pressed his lips together. He went to lift his other hand to his mouth but Jingyi stopped him. “Does it have something to do with one of our friends?”

Zizhen nodded. 

“But also with me and Sizhui?”

“I think so,” Zizhen said quietly. 

“So: Jin Ling?” Zizhen closed his hand around Jingyi’s momentarily. “Okay… You guys finally talked?” Zizhen nodded. “Sizhui already figured,” Jingyi let him know. “Did you do more than talk though?” Zizhen looked down at their hands. He hesitantly nodded again. “Did you kiss him?”

Zizhen nervously started fiddling with Jingyi’s hands. “A few times.”

“That’s okay,” Jingyi assured him. “We talked about that already; you can if you want to.”

“It’s just…” He sighed.

“Do you like kissing him?” Zizhen nodded. “Did you guys do anything else?” Jingyi admittedly would have preferred to know in advance if Zizhen was planning to do more with Jin Ling, but he was aware that at the moment he couldn’t expect that. 

“No,” Zizhen was quick to answer. “No. He’s curious about things, but no.”

“What’s the concern, bean,” Jingyi asked. “Help me understand where your head is at.”

“He likes Sizhui still.” Jingyi started to respond but Zizhen continued. “And me? And… Well he hasn’t specifically said so yet, but I think he may have a crush on you too? He mentions how unfair it is that you’re so pretty, and like… Okay, valid-”

Jingyi snorted but couldn’t help but smirk. 

“-but your breakfasts that you two meet up for every day now? He takes extra time to make sure he looks okay before leaving our room. Like more than before.”

Jingyi frowned, “That’s kinda cute.”

“Yeah, it is,” Zizhen agreed quietly. 

“I’ll admit I’m really on the fence about Jin Ling,” Jingyi explained. “Of course I  _ know _ him, and who he is; we’re friends and I like him enough. I’m mostly just curious about Sizhui’s adoration of him. And, I guess yours as well now. I love the guy but I just think he’s a punk-”

“Well, yeah, he is,” Zizhen laughed. 

Jingyi laughed, “Yes and I will fight him one day-”

“-No you won’t,” Zizhen rolled his eyes. 

Jingyi sighed, “No I won’t.” Jingyi smiled down at Zizhen playing with his fingers. “... Do you like him?”

“ _ Jingyi _ -” Sizhui burst through the door happily. He gasped. “ _ Zizhen _ !” He locked the door behind him by habit. “Hello beans!”

They both beamed at him. “ _ Hello _ !”

Sizhui put his things on Jingyi’s desk, “Are we holding hands?”

“Mn,” Zizhen replied, his feet dangling off the bed bounced with anxiety. 

“He’s biting his nails again,” Jingyi answered. 

“Oh, no no,” Sizhui stood between Zizhen’s ankles and reached for one of his hands. “We don’t like that. What’s on your mind, love- _ ly _ ,  _ lovely _ -”

Zizhen laughed at Sizhui’s wide eyes, “It’s okay, Sizhui.”

Sizhui smiled and shook his hand playfully. “Catch me up.”

So the three of them talked about Jin Ling. They talked about him and their own personal feelings and thoughts for a considerable amount of time. They talked until they felt comfortable to move forward. 

“Sorry I didn’t say anything,” Zizhen apologized again. 

“It’s okay,” Sizhui assured him. “We talked, we’re fine. We know what we’re doing now.”

“We’re all on the same page,” Jingyi assured him.

“Okay,” he nodded. 

“Can we cuddle now,” Sizhui asked, swaying from where he still stood, holding their hands.

Jingyi pouted, “I have work in 10 minutes. But you two still should,” Jingyi scooted off the bed. 

Sizhui pouted back. “Can you bring something from Late Nite back tonight?”

“Yeah,” Jingyi grabbed his laptop and his bag. “What do you want?”

“Anything,” Sizhui shrugged. 

“Okay,” Jingyi kissed his cheek. “Bye beans,” he walked out without kissing Zizhen. They all pretended to not be overly aware of it. 

Sizhui looked at Zizhen hopefully, “Can we still cuddle? Just the two of us?”

“Sure, Sizhui,” Zizhen nodded. 

Sizhui hopped up and positioned himself  _ just so _ .

Zizhen held onto Sizhui; he hadn’t properly snuggled up to him in ages. The last time really might have been the night they broke up. The day that Jin Ling joined their cuddle puddle didn’t really count. He was laying with Sizhui and playing with his hair but… But it wasn’t this. 

It wasn’t holding Sizhui to make him feel safe and comfy. It wasn’t hooking his leg around Sizhui’s. It wasn’t Sizhui holding his hand. 

Could they do this if they weren’t dating? 

“Is this okay,” he needed to double check.

“It’s always okay.”

“Even like this?” 

Even when Zizhen couldn’t give him a smooch? Even when Zizhen wasn’t his boyfriend? Even when Zizhen might not do this again for a while?

“It’s always okay,” Sizhui repeated. 


	89. Damage Control for Wuxian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// homophobia, aggression

  


“ _Please_ ,” Wuxian urged. “Please explain to me. I am dying to know.”

“Wei Wuxian,” someone in class hissed a warning. 

“No,” he said. “I am dying to know how you can be so wildly against the people you _claim_ to care about,” Wuxian snapped. “What the hell was the purpose of mentioning the protest in class as some ‘ _real world_ ’ example if you can’t even listen to _why_ people supported it?”

“The protest-”

“-Was in _our_ rights as students to voice our opinions on keep something on campus that is both a resource and safe space for people, _and_ keep an academic offering that-”

“-That is enough!”

“I don’t think it is,” Wuxian challenged. “Because you don’t seem to get that people are _complex_ . They are not one way or another. We don’t all identify the same way; you cannot _force_ anyone to follow a specific image and lifestyle. You especially cannot even try to do that to anyone outside of your clan. I do not abide by your restrictions, and as an _open_ campus, which _this is_ , you cannot make me, or anyone in this room. I’d like to talk about your morals as a ‘ _real world_ ’ example. Or how about instead of asking what was wrong with the protest, why don’t we ask what was wrong with the way this school secludes its LGBT students and just tried to silence what tiny voice they have here?”

“Get out,” Lan Qiren opened the door to the classroom. “ _Get out_!”

“Yeah, whatever,” Wuxian grabbed his stuff. “Fuck you,” he spat on his way out.

Huaisang looked at Zixuan.

Zixuan glanced from Huaisang to Wen Ning and Guangyao. The look they all gave him told him exactly what was on their minds.

Zixuan would have to do serious damage control for Wuxian.

damage control pt 1 

Zixuan was supposed to have a working lunch with his father anyways. It wasn’t hard to weave the incident into their conversation.

Zixuan was, coincidentally, reviewing paperwork from Lan Qiren, “Y’know, Dad, I really think he’s lost it a bit,” Zixuan motioned to the paper with a frown. “Kinda sad. You should’ve seen what happened in class today,” Zixuan scoffed, fixing his eyes back on the report. 

Guangshan looked away from his computer. “What happened in class?”

“I mean,” Zixuan put the papers down. “It wasn’t unusual the way he singles people out so harshly in class. But it’s incredibly disruptive. And today-”

damage control pt 2 

damage control pt 3

wangji isn't going home tonight 

  
  
  



	90. No dating to be... dated

Wangji was not sure how Sizhui and Jingyi would be as roommates; how exactly did that work if they were dating? Did they sleep together at night? How was their room set up? Was it awkward? Surely it must be embarrassing to a certain extent? How did they ever get a break to process their thoughts? How did they ever act like just friends, when they weren’t _just_ friends?

He wasn’t sure how their room might be different but when he walked into Sizhui’s dorm for the first time, he was surprised to see that it was your typical dorm room. Beds on opposite ends, desks in the middle to split the room. 

When he walked in behind Sizhui, Jingyi was in the middle doing yoga; specifically a headstand. 

“ _I’m back_ -” Sizhui sang, “Oh whoops-”

Jingyi opened his eyes and let his feet drop to the floor lightly and stood up. “Hanguang-Jun! Hi,” he glanced behind him and held his arms out. “Don’t look at my side, it's a mess,” it wasn’t. There were just a few things pulled out from when he was doing his homework. 

“Mine is too,” Wangji lied to make Jingyi feel better. 

Jingyi blinked in surprise but beamed. “Do your thing,” he waved at Sizhui, getting back onto the ground and folding his legs neatly. 

Sizhui ignored him and started laying out all the extra blankets that he and Jingyi use in the winter. “I can sleep here, and you can take my bed tonight,” Sizhui told Wangji happily. 

“I can’t let you do that,” Wangji said to him. “I am your guest. I don’t mind.”

“It’s really not the most comfortable,” Sizhui replied. 

Wangji helped Sizhui set down the blankets for extra cushioning. “I always sleep on the floor at Xingchen’s. This is more than what I get there,” he assured him. “I don’t mind at all.”

“If you’re really sure,” Sizhui replied. 

“I am-”

“If we’re still going to watch a movie, let’s sit on my bed at least for that,” Sizhui suggested. 

“Sure,” Wangji agreed. “You should pick out the movie; Mianmian tells me mine are always sad.”

Sizhui laughed, “Okay, I’ll pick. Start ordering now though,” he took a blanket from Wangji’s hands. Wangji glanced around the desks at Jingyi, unreacting and still meditating. “If he’s not done I’ll order for him,” he assured Wangji. “He likes to meditate at night; it helps him sleep. He figured you’d want to go to sleep at 9, so he started earlier than usual.”

“That would be nice actually,” Wangji nodded. “I have been sleeping pretty late; I still wake up at 5,” he told Sizhui. “But you can stay up if you want.”

“Oh no,” Sizhui shook his head. “I am looking forward to going to bed early for once,” he laughed. “I should get back on track anyways before summer.”

“Mn.”

Jingyi joined Sizhui and Wangji just before the food arrived. Wangji and Sizhui sat on Sizhui’s bed while Jingyi sat back in Sizhui’s desk chair, his feet propped up while they ate. 

“I’m _that_ guy,” Jingyi pointed his chopsticks at the screen the moment he finished eating. He had been waiting to say it the entire time, which only prompted him to eat faster. “ _Look at him_ ,” he laughed. “That’s me.”

“No it’s not,” Sizhui replied. “You don’t get that mad.”

Jingyi looked over his shoulder and gave Sizhui a pointed look. “Yeah, okay,” he scoffed. “Eat your food.”

Sizhui rolled his eyes and kept eating. 

Wangji glanced at the two of them curiously. He wouldn’t know for certain if they were dating if Sizhui hadn’t finally confirmed it the other day. The way they had been acting gave him no indication. They didn’t glance at each other often or say anything to indicate… anything… 

It felt different from how he and Wuxian were… Not that they were dating!!!! They weren’t dating. No dating to be… dated. 

Just… two guys… Who… probably mutually like each other but one can’t do anything about it… Right?

Wangji thought about the last time he and Wuxian watched a movie. How they had watched one on Wuxian’s phone, with no sound, in the library while Wangji was working. And how Wangji missed the entire movie. Not because he had to keep getting up; quite the opposite actually since he was working the front desk. 

He let Wuxian sit with him behind the desk, and yes he’d occasionally have to look away to check some books out, or in, or put the returning books onto a cart to be put back at the end of the day. 

But he really spent his time thinking about Wuxian sitting so close beside him, resting his chin on his forearms, face close to the phone that was propped up between them. 

He spent his time glancing at Wuxian whenever he would, almost, silently react to _whatever_ the heck was happening in the movie. 

And now Wangji was spending his time, glancing at Sizhui clearly watching the movie and not reacting to Jingyi’s quiet comments at the screen now that he was finished eating. At least, not in a way that Wangji could _see_. 

He wasn’t sure if it was because Sizhui already _had_ Jingyi wrapped around his finger. Or perhaps they were just used to each other by now? 

Though that thought made Wangji sad; he didn’t want to get used to Wuxian so much that he stopped thinking or reacting. 

That couldn’t be why Sizhui wasn’t reacting… Was it because he was eating?

But he already spoke anyway. 

Wangji glanced down to see Sizhui had finished as well but remained quiet. 

Sizhui seemed the kind of person to coo, or at the very least smile if he found something endearing. 

Did it annoy him that Jingyi was commenting occasionally, or laughing, or reacting in general? 

That definitely couldn’t be it. 

The way Sizhui smiled when he was telling Wangji about all the reasons he fell in love with him, and the moment he realized he had… No… No he couldn’t be annoyed-

Sizhui clicked his tongue and kicked his foot out, hitting Jingyi’s shoulder. The front of the chair dropped to the floor loudly with the kick catching Jingyi off guard. 

… Maybe he was?

“What,” Jingyi, to Wangji’s surprise, laughed. 

“Stop comparing yourself to him!”

Wangji watched them argue but… They were laughing. 

That was like him and Wuxian he supposed. 

“ _Shh_ ,” Jingyi finally interrupted. “Wangji is trying to watch the movie!”

He should be, instead of trying to analyze them. 

He couldn’t really do that based on one night. 

It was a massive waste of his time and energy considering how Jingyi and Sizhui were trying to be respectful of Wangji. Otherwise Jingyi would’ve been sitting with them. Otherwise Jingyi and Sizhui would have just gotten changed in their room behind their closet doors like they usually would. Otherwise Jingyi would have kissed Sizhui’s cheek whenever they all finished getting ready for bed. Otherwise Sizhui would have told Jingyi to check his phone before bed.

Zizhen had texted them while his phone was on DND. 

Just because Wangji knew they were dating didn’t mean they felt comfortable acting or speaking freely. 

“Do you have enough pillows,” Sizhui asked Wangji as he got comfortable. 

“I do.”

“If you change your mind at any point, Jingyi puts his extra pillows on his desk. Just take one if you need,” Sizhui explained. 

“Okay, thank you. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Hanguang-Jun,” they both replied. 

“Sizhui,” Jingyi said quietly when he turned the light off. 

“Hm,” Sizhui padded over silently. 

Wangji wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, in fact he was trying to block them out after he talked himself out of watching them so carefully through the night. How they were was none of his business. 

Jingyi was barely audible, “Is he okay,” he turned his phone screen towards Sizhui as he leaned over. 

Sizhui frowned and took Jingyi’s phone from his hand to reread the messages that were sent. “Yeah, I think so,” Sizhui handed his phone back. 

“He sounds upset; why is he talking about this?”

“He’s just thinking,” Sizhui ran his fingers through Jingyi’s hair as he typed out his reply. 

“Overthinking,” Jingyi whispered back. “Should I go over there?”

“Ask him,” Sizhui replied. “He’ll tell you if he wants one of us over there.”

“You have Wangji here,” Jingyi pointed out. “You’re staying.”

Wangji heard that. He couldn’t help but hear his name, no matter how quietly it was said. 

“He said he’s fine,” Jingyi looked up at Sizhui. 

“Okay,” Sizhui nodded. “I think we’re back at the point where we can take that seriously. I don’t think he would try to hide what he is feeling right now.”

“Okay,” Jingyi typed out another reply. 

“Goodnight,” Sizhui pressed his lips to the center of Jingyi’s ribbon. “It’s almost 9,” Sizhui reminded him. 

“Mhm, ‘night,” Jingyi said a little louder as Sizhui made his way back over to his bed. 

Wangji’s phone vibrated beside him; he picked it up, already knowing it was Wuxian. He forgot to tell him that he was going to sleep early tonight, just that he was going to be sleeping over in Sizhui’s room. 

“Do you need another blanket,” Sizhui asked again. 

“I’m okay,” Wangji replied. “Thank you.”

“Right, you said that,” Sizhui chuckled and climbed into bed. “Sorry, goodnight!”

Maybe Wangji could sleepover Wuxian’s soon.

That would be nice. 

Maybe they could be nonchalant like Sizhui and Jingyi were. 

Although… 

Wangji thought about the last time he was laying on the floor. Wuxian had leaned over him; he almost touched Wangji’s ribbon. And he was going to let him. He had no intentions of moving or pushing Wuxian’s hand away. 

He kind of wanted to kiss him at that moment… 

Like how he wanted to kiss him the day they made a cake. 

Or when Wuxian brought him another snack while he was working. 

Or when they did inventory for Lotus Root. 

Or when they drove around just the other evening with the windows rolled down. 

Or when he had reread _Autobiography of Red_ , using the same hair ribbon that Wuxian had let Wangji borrow the first time they went driving at night. Wuxian wasn’t even there at that moment, and he wanted to kiss him. 

Could they have a sleepover and just be friends?

5am tweets 

[ zizhen is ignoring jin ling  ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6t5zloC7h0EQllwYph9brV?si=d8f02f94bb1b40da)

6am texts 

  



	91. Zixuan is Exhausted

Wuxian had finished dancing a while ago but was waiting for Wangji to wrap up in the music room. He knew Wangji wanted to focus so he wasn’t going to distract him any further like he had every other time during the last week. 

Qin Su walked in humming to herself, “Hi Wuxian,” she called. 

“Oh hey,” he sat up. “Are you working on your choreo for class?”

“I am,” she dropped her bag onto the floor. “I really enjoyed yours last week,” she added. “I’m a bit nervous about how mine is, so I’m trying to get some extra last minute practice in. Do you want to [hear the song](https://open.spotify.com/track/5mEHz6Y3YseUR27Db7dITq?si=a201b0cdf9094bb1)?”

Wuxian gasped, “ _ Yes! _ Please!”

Qin Su smiled and plugged her phone into the speaker. “I’ll save what I’ve been working for class though!”

“Of course!”

Out in the hall Wangji was surprised at the sight of Jin Zixuan and Jin Guangyao walking up to the dance room together, Zixuan looking at his phone anxiously. 

Guangyao caught Wangji from the corner of his eye and paused. “Hello Hanguang-Jun.”

Wangji paused. They were in his way of walking in. “Hello. Excuse me,” he slipped by them and into the room. 

Wuxian smiled brightly seeing Wangji walk in. He waved him over while the music played loudly. 

“Are you two close,” Qin Su asked Wuxian. “I feel like I see you together a lot.”

Wuxian shrugged, “We’re friends!”

“I’m sure his Uncle must love that,” she joked. 

“Pretty sure he has no idea,” Wuxian snorted. “Hello,” he looked up at Wangji. 

“Qin Su,” Wangji greeted her first. 

“Hello Hanguang-Jun!”

“I think Guangyao is hoping to speak to you,” he motioned behind him as Guangyao and Zixuan walked further into the room.

“Oh, god, thanks,” she jumped up to meet them halfway. 

Wangji held out his hand for Wuxian. 

Wuxian let Wangji pull him to a stand but looked around him. “What do you think that’s about?”

Zixuan spoke to Qin Su like he was reassuring her; he looked utterly exhausted. 

“I don’t know,” Wangji started. “But it does not look like it is our business.”

“You’re right,” Wuxian focused back on Wangji. “Are we still having a ghostie marathon?”

“Of course.”

“Okay let’s go,” Wuxian pulled Wangji towards the door but quickly let go of his hand. Wangji wouldn’t have minded if he held on. 

“Thank you,” Qin Su hugged Zixuan as they passed. “My dad would have killed me.”

“You don’t have to worry about anything,” Zixuan said. “I just wanted to let you know about it. I need to get to Carp Tower though, so,” he motioned toward the door.

“Thanks again,” Qin Su repeated. “Really.”

Zixuan gave her a small nod and turned to leave. 

“Oh, see you in class, Wuxian,” Qin Su called. 

Wuxian waved but slowed his pace just slightly for Zixuan. “Hey you.”

“Hey.”

“I haven’t seen you around lately, everything okay?”

Wangji stood off to the side and waited. 

“I see you every day in class,” Zixuan reminded him. 

“That’s not what I mean,” Wuxian lowered his voice. He subtly motioned to Wangji to hold on a second and grabbed Zixuan’s hand when he tried to walk around him. “Is everything okay, Zixuan?”

Zixuan was quiet for a moment. He tried not to make a habit of lying to his friends, considering how much of it he’s done in the last couple years. “Everything is fine. Just a lot on my mind between my dad and… everything.”

“I’m sure,” Wuxian nodded. “I’m sorry that I got added onto that plate. Thank you again for speaking to him.”

“I’m not sure how helpful it was-”

“-Incredibly. It was incredibly helpful. Between you and Xichen alone, it was really helpful. It’s not quite over but, it’s a lot better than it would’ve been otherwise. I already thanked Xichen, and Guangyao, but I need to thank you specifically again. You didn’t need to get involved at all.”

“I wasn’t going to let you get kicked out,” Zixuan replied. “They open that file, Wuxian, and you’re screwed. I couldn’t help you out of that one.”

“I know,” Wuxian sighed. “I’m sorry. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. But don’t worry about it adding anything more to my plate.” Zixuan looked down at Wuxian still holding his hand. “... You’re not letting go...” He looked up and sighed. “I’m okay, Wuxian.”

“Okay.”

“Do you need a hug or something?”

He didn’t, but Zixuan definitely did. “Probably.”

“Ask Wangji-”

Wuxian punched his shoulder. “Shut-”

“Ah, fuck,” Zixuan grabbed his shoulder. “Fine; fuck-”

Wuxian chuckled and pulled Zixuan into a hug. 

Wangji watched them curiously. He wasn’t really sure what must have been going on, but Zixuan looked tired and fairly upset when he wrapped his arms around Wuxian. He huffed like it seemed ridiculous to him but he held Wuxian quite tightly, his eyes closed just as tight. 

Wuxian cautiously rubbed Zixuan’s back, sure that something else was bothering him, if not the stress from getting involved in Wuxian’s mess. 

Wuxian was  _ almost _ positive it had to do with Huaisang, but he really didn’t have solidified proof on that. 

“Everything will work out in the end,” Wuxian said quietly. 

Zixuan was actually about to cry. He knew the comment was directed towards him but he wasn’t going to leave it there. He stepped back and turned the focus back to Wuxian, “It will. If you need me to do anything else just ask.”

“Mn,” Wuxian nodded. Zixuan definitely was not going to say anything to Wuxian, or likely anyone. “Sure… And if you ever need to vent about whatever is on your mind-”

“Sure,” Zixuan gave Wuxian a weak smile and walked backwards in the direction he had initially been heading. “See you in class.”

“Okay,” Wuxian watched him hastily leave. 

Zixuan could feel the pressure behind his eyes and the tightness in his chest get worse with every step it took to get back to his car. 

He managed to blink back the tears enough until he closed his door behind him, but of course luck was not on his side. 

He looked down at his phone only to see his dad calling him. He groaned in frustration and wiped his wet face before answering. “Hey dad,” he pressed his lips tightly together. 

“We are hosting dinner tonight, or did you forget-”

Zixuan closed his eyes and dropped back against the headrest, “No, Dad, I did not forget. I was just about to leave.”

“I need you to pick a few things up then before you come home,” Guangshan said. “You still have my card, so just use that.”

“No problem,” Zixuan wiped his nose and started his car. “Just text me what I’m doing.”

“You aren’t getting sick are you,” Guangshan asked at the sound of what he assumed, correctly, was a sniffle. “I can’t have you sick at dinner-”

“I’m not,” Zixuan replied before processing. If he lied he could have gotten out of having to entertain more people. “Well, I-”

“Good. Get here soon. You cannot be late for this. I’ll send you the list,” he hung up without another word. 

“Yeah, whatever,” Zixuan tossed his phone off to the side.

Wuxian and Wangji weren’t so quick to run off as Zixuan was. 

“Is everything okay,” Wangji asked Wuxian as they started walking together again. The briefest brush of Wangji’s hand against his back was not missed on Wuxian. 

“With me, yes,” Wuxian sighed. “With Zixuan, I’m not so sure. He’s been pretty distant.”

“He may need some space,” Wangji suggested.

“I know,” Wuxian agreed. “Just not sure for how long.”


	92. p h a l a n g e s

  
  
  


  
  
  


Wuxian didn’t close the door all the way but he did end up getting up again to angle the door so his brother could stop spying on him; it wasn’t hard to miss him eyeing the open door. 

Wuxian didn’t need Wangji seeing Jiang Cheng walking by repeatedly to spy on them; he just wanted Wangji to be himself. 

Of course Wangji didn’t notice though. He was too focused on the moment with Wuxian. Too focused on Wuxian’s knees leaning against him. Too focused on Wuxian talking with a prominent pout the sleepier he got. 

“ _Lan Zhan_ ,” Wuxian whined. 

“I don’t like ouija boards.”

“Then I’ll do it! You don’t have to!”

Wangji hummed. “But then the demons win.”

Wuxian rolled into Wangji, “But Lan Zhan-”

Just as Wangji was going to go for it… 

Wuxian sat up quickly at the sound of Madam Yu’s ringtone. He groaned and scrambled for his phone. He rejected the call without thinking instead of just silencing it. “Shit,” he muttered and immediately unlocked his phone to open his texts with her. 

“Wei Ying?”

“Hm,” Wuxian barely turned around. “Yeah?” He read the texts as they came in. He had taken off his read receipts ages ago, strictly because of her. It made him anxious to not know what the messages said even if he had no intention of replying to her. 

“What’s wrong?”

Wuxian’s phone started ringing again after the nasty messages. He silenced it _properly_ this time but watched the screen. “It’s just Madam Yu.”

“Stop looking at your phone,” Wangji suggested. “There are other monsters to pay attention to.” Wuxian looked at Wangji who simply pointed at the TV where their ghost show was still playing. “You like those demons. Pay attention to them instead.”

Wuxian burst into a fit of laughter. “Oh my _god_ did you just call her a monster?”

“Yes, but maybe you shouldn’t yell about it,” Wangji replied. “Your door is open, I don’t think your brother would like it.”

Wuxian tried to bite back his laugh, “Right, yes, of course.”

The phone lit up again as Madam Yu tried to call again. Wangji leaned forward to take the phone. 

hes so awkward help 

Wuxian was sleepy again but trying his hardest to stay awake. He looked at Wangji laying beside him. “Are you sleeping over?”

Wangji looked away from the TV.

“Not tonight?”

“Maybe not.”

“It’s almost past your curfew.”

“It is.”

Wuxian hummed. “Okay. Maybe another time.”

“Maybe another time,” Wangji agreed. 

This would have been the third time Wangji broke his curfew for Wuxian… And he was okay with it. 

Wuxian took Wangji’s hand suddenly and turned it over in his. Wangji watched him curiously as Wuxian traced the lines on his palms. “A sleepover would be fun.”

“It would,” Wangji agreed quietly. 

“... Have I ever told you how pretty your hands are,” Wuxian felt Wangji’s fingertips under his own. 

Wangji felt like running away and possibly yelling until he couldn’t anymore. “You haven’t.”

“Mn… The prettiest,” Wuxian lined his hand up against Wangji’s to see the difference in size. He almost doubled over in devastation at how massive his hands were. Wangji seemed so _tiny_ to Wuxian, it simply wasn’t fair that he was smaller than Wangji. 

How was he supposed to put the tiny-to-him man in his pocket?

Wangji was physically in pain at how small Wuxian actually was. You would think he was seven feet tall with the way he carried himself. 

He just wanted to _hold_ him. 

If Madam Yu hadn’t called before, he was going to. 

He wanted to!

Wangji looked down at their hands. 

HOLDING 

  
  


THEY KISS GOODNIGHT 

  


lol sike 

  


not straight at all 

p h a l a n g e s talk 

  


on the contrary 

  



	93. Tense

  
  
  


yunmeng trio -> h8rs -> yunmeng trio 

wuxian is trying

h8rs -> yunmeng trio 

  
  


what the people want 

  
  


fine 

  


It was the end of the longest week of his entire life but Zixuan couldn’t sleep knowing Huaisang was likely still not eating. 

Tuesday night he Venmo’d Huaisang in hopes that he’d order himself something to eat. And then Wednesday after class for a late lunch. 

But now it was nearly 3am, and he just couldn’t sleep. He knew he should just stop. And he was going to! Right after he sent this last one. 

He locked his phone and pushed it off to the side. It didn’t matter, because he still wasn’t going to be able to sleep. 

He groaned in frustration, but he deserved this. This was all his fault. He asked Huaisang to kiss him the first time. He started this. He started something that never should’ve been started. 

Wen Ning knocked on Zixuan’s door softly before opening it. 

Zixuan didn’t need to ask why Wen Ning was even still awake. He had stated earlier that night that he needed to finish a lab report. 

Wen Ning waddled in tiredly, probably having just gotten into bed when he heard Zixuan. He held a massive penguin plushie under his arm. He held it out for Zixuan; when he didn’t immediately take it, Wen Ning placed it under Zixuan’s arm for him. 

Wen Ning patted Zixuan’s head. “Goodnight.”

Zixuan buried his face and wrapped his arms tightly around the plushie…

_I really fucked this up_.

Mingjue looked down at Huaisang’s phone curiously. This was not the first time he saw a notification like this on his phone in the past few days. And clearly he was ignoring it. Huaisang barely even had his phone on him this past week. He kept leaving it in the kitchen, or in Mingjue’s car. 

Huaisang walked back inside with a huff, “Are you coming?”

Mingjue blinked. 

There was that too. 

He never thought he’d worry about Huaisang just because he insisted on joining Mingjue on his morning runs.

He never once complained or expressed being tired. Not once. 

He just kept running until Mingjue made him turn around. 

And Huaisang would run back home. Take a shower, and wait for Mingjue in the car to head to campus. 

Every morning for the past week. 

“You forgot your phone,” Mingjue pointed out. 

“I don’t need it.”

“Don’t you want to listen to music?”

Why would Huaisang want to listen to music? He hasn’t touched Spotify all week. He shared a plan with Zixuan, Wen Ning, and Jingyi. He didn’t want to be reminded that Zixuan pays for it. 

“I don’t need music,” Huaisang stated. “Whatever, I’m going without you,” Huaisang opened the front door with another huff. 

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Mingjue sighed and followed him out, putting his own headphones in.


	94. Monday Movie Night ft. f4 & Hanguang-Jun

too many boys 

Wangji was surprised when Wuxian asked him to come to Monday Movie Night with all of his friends. 

Of course he said yes, near instantly. He wanted Wuxian’s friends to like him. He knew them all, but not as well as he should have. 

Wuxian was so adamant that Wangji could leave whenever he wanted. He didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable even once but...

But Wangji wanted to sleepover. 

Wuxian nearly passed out when Wangji asked if that was okay. 

“Okay? Is it okay if you sleepover?” Wuxian had smiled brightly, “ _Yes_! Absolutely it’s okay!”

Monday Movie Night started about as early as last time, and this time everyone came either early or on time with the expectation that Wangji would not be staying past midnight. They all thought it was likely that he would even leave well before then. 

“Does Zixuan _always_ pick the music,” Jin Ling asked in annoyance.

“You shut your mouth,” Wen Ning replied, “This is a good one!”

“Mom-”

“We have a massive playlist we shuffle,” Yanli answered Jin Ling. 

“What the hell is wrong with this song,” Wuxian questioned. 

Jin Ling leaned across the counter, “Y’know-”

Zixuan blasted the music full volume over him, him and Wuxian yelling out, “ _[I can figure out the point of anything](https://open.spotify.com/track/5zrIQO3U4XbdP5nqbGEr4C?si=78f82885904541ac), just not as quick as I can mess up my life _-”

“Why did I sign up for this again,” Jin Ling grumbled, sitting back again. He glanced up at Wangji who was so far even quieter than expected. Jin Ling dropped his cheek into his palm.

Zizhen laughed at Jin Ling’s face, “Away with the pout,” he nudged him. 

Jingyi pursed his lips, “Who decides what gets added to the list?”

“No one,” Wen Qing shrugged. “Why, do you want something on there?”

“I just wanna see the list.”

Jiang Cheng passed him his phone.

Wangji was curious too; he stood up quietly.

“ _I’m so tired,_ ” Wuxian and Wen Ning near screamed. “ _I’ve had enough!”_

Jingyi started to scroll through the list, Wangji quietly leaning over his shoulder. 

No one tried to force Wangji into a conversation which he was grateful for. He initiated all the conversations so far, mostly with Yanli and Wen Qing. 

Wuxian’s friends were _incredibly_ loud when they were all together like this. 

Except, to Wangji’s surprise, Huaisang. He was curled up on the armchair with Sizhui, the two of them minding their own business. 

“Pick something,” Yanli walked up to them. 

“There’s a lot to pick from,” Wangji answered politely. 

“There’s no bad song-”

Jingyi snorted, “Just don’t ask Jin Ling.”

Wangji hummed. Jingyi tilted the phone towards him. 

Wangji picked a song he recognized immediately. 

Zixuan immediately froze while making grilled cheese; Jiang Cheng took the spatula from his hand. 

“You’ll want to turn that up,” Yanli told Wangji just as everyone else yelled out-

“ _[LALALALA](https://open.spotify.com/track/4rstj4vgkFq49R2VV0fbxX?si=dfcf1dc5fd9c4816)!” _

The freshmen four and Wangji looked around the room in shock. “What is happening,” Jin Ling leaned back towards Zizhen. 

Wen Ning and Zixuan sang out the loudest, “ _The rooms have a hint of asbestos, and maybe just a dash of formaldehyde!”_

Jingyi turned to Wangji, “I think you just flipped some sort of ‘on’ switch.”

“I think so…”

Wen Qing sang loudly along with them, sprawled out on the couch, “ _Along with the people inside! What a wonderful caricature of intimacy!_ ”

Sizhui was fully amused, “I don’t know this song,” he admitted.

“Don’t let Zixuan hear you say that,” Huaisang looked down into his cup. “It’s his favorite song.”

“Is it?”

“Put those down,” Zixuan said to Wuxian.

Wuxian held the pans, “You can’t be serious!”

“You always mess up,” Jiang Cheng pointed out. “He’s had enough of your shit.”

“Just let me try!”

“Try what,” Jingyi asked. 

“Do you know the ‘crash’ line,” Yanli turned to them, smiling at the scene of half her friends singing and Zixuan and Wuxian bickering.

“No,” Jingyi replied honestly.

“Yes,” Wangji said. Putting two and two together, Wangji didn’t hesitate; he walked up to Wuxian while he argued with Zixuan. 

“You-”

“I won’t ruin it,” Wuxian yelled. 

Wangji took the pans from Wuxian’s hands, his expression blank. 

Everyone froze. 

_She was fixing her face in a compact. There was a terrible crash! There was a terrible…_

Wangji smashed the pans together perfectly, calmly handing them back to stunned Wuxian. 

Zixuan pointed to Wangji, “I love you. I _love_ you, please always come to movie night. Oh my god; you’re in charge of the pans from now on. Wuxian go home-”

“I live here!”

lord voldemort <3 

  
  


[ _Gonna make a heartthrob out of me_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/6JikuKcWFuPPC4MyKfvkHQ?si=b3cfea81fef442df)

_Just a bit of minor surgery_

Wen Qing grabbed the spatula from Jiang Cheng as he went to go put it into the sink, ” _I’ll give you something to cry about! Show some skin and would be caché-!”_

“Oh I know this one!” Sizhui said to Huaisang excitedly. “Jingyi knows a couple of their songs.”

Huaisang motioned to Wen Qing, Zixuan, and Wuxian as they sang like complete idiots together, “The three of them love their music.”

“ _For a first effort this feels kinda last-ditch_ ,” Zixuan sang out. “ _I guess, this just, got kinda drastic. Trust us, you just, fell off the bus, baby!”_ Zixuan looked genuinely happy to be singing and dancing around the kitchen with his friends, as if everything was normal. 

Wangji passed a twizzler to Jingyi, both fully amused at the chaos unfolding before them. The three dancing, Huaisang and Sizhui watching from the other end of the room, talking quietly to each other, Zizhen and Wen Ning pouring drinks while dancing like idiots and singing off-key. Yanli handed Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling snacks to bring out to everyone. “Is this how these nights go?”

Jingyi nodded, “From my sole experience, yes-”

Zixuan took the spatula from Wen Qing, “ _I can’t let this, go when, I got you right where I want you. I’ve been, pushing, for this, for so long.”_

“ _Kiss me, just once, for luck, these are desperate measures now_ ,” they sang together.

Wuxian took the spatula, making the kitchen his stage. “ _Open up, and swallow on your knees_ ,” he winked at Wangji, “ _And say ‘thank you, I’d like some desperate measures, please_ ,” he danced away innocently.

Wangji choked in surprise; Jingyi yelled and glanced at Wangji with wide eyes.

good news is wangji didn’t panic and leave monday movie night 

  
  
  


jingyi is... flirting? 

  
  


[ _No, we’re not getting any younger_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3dJQLmbN6vyRNxLk3hkNbX?si=40ecbbaaf0e54b99)

[ _I’m coming over, I’m coming over_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3dJQLmbN6vyRNxLk3hkNbX?si=40ecbbaaf0e54b99)

Zizhen called across the apartment, “Jingyi do you need some _water_?”

Jingyi looked over his shoulder. “Uh… No, no I’m okay.”

Zizhen waved him over, “Come get water!”

Jin Ling blinked in confusion as Zizhen literally came and pulled Jingyi away. 

“You okay,” Jingyi chuckled as Zizhen pulled him away. 

_Walking, draw close_ _  
_ _Before we know, we’re kissing goodbye_

“I’m _fine_ ,” Zizhen assured him. “I’m not drunk!.... Yet-”

“Then why did you pull me away from Jin Ling-”

Huaisang walked by them with an empty cup. They watched him curiously and peered over at the large armchair he and Sizhui had been sitting in together to see it was empty. 

_But I really wanna stay the night, night, night with you_

_And I think you really want me to_

Zizhen gasped and hid behind Jingyi. He pointed over Jingyi’s shoulder excitedly. “ _Look_!” Sizhui grabbed Jin Ling’s hand and dragged him over to where Wen Qing and Wangji were looking at movie choices for the night. 

He didn’t let go. Jin Ling didn’t pull away either but he did keep glancing down at their hands.

“We might break Jin Ling,” Jingyi concluded.

Huaisang didn’t bother getting another drink; he leaned against the counter by the sink, “That’s weird,” he motioned to Sizhui and Jin Ling. “Right?”

Zixuan looked up from where he was doing the dishes for Jiang Cheng. He needed to busy himself now that he wasn’t singing and dancing around the kitchen with his friends. “Hm?” He looked over his shoulder. 

_I’m singing Journey on the highway_

_I’m still believing, I’m still believing_

“I guess, yeah,” Zixuan kept scrubbing. 

_That I’ll wake up beside you one day_ _  
_ _I’m still believing, I’m still believing_

Huaisang glanced up at Zixuan before he took the towel off Zixuan’s shoulder to help him dry. “I hate this song.”

_Oh, I really want you_

“No you don’t,” Zixuan replied quietly. “You love this song.”

_I really want you too_

Huaisang sighed. Yeah… He did. But his favorite time to blast it was going down the highway on the way to Lanling. Specifically in the middle of summer. When the windows were down. In the morning when the sun was bright but not too hot....

_But I really wanna stay the night, night, night with you_

“We picked,” Wen Qing yelled. “Let’s go,” she turned the volume up on the TV. 

Jiang Cheng turned off the music while Wuxian made sure there was an ample supply of pillows and blankets around the room for all the bodies. 

“Are you almost done with the dishes,” Yanli called over to Zixuan and Huaisang.

“Yup,” they called back dully. 

Huaisang chewed on his lip nervously. He wanted to ask Zixuan about seeing him with Mingjue on… Friday? Was it Friday when he saw the two of them walk off?

Huaisang was losing track of his days. He didn’t even realize it was Monday until Sizhui messaged him about movie night.

“I got this,” Zixuan took the dish towel from Huaisang cautiously. “Go watch the movie.”

“Mn.”

“Wait,” Zixuan stopped him. “Here,” he held out a bowl of popcorn that was forgotten in the kitchen. 

DO U NOT SEE 

  


The movie finished at midnight exactly. 

Everyone eyed Wangji curiously. He made no indication that he was on his way out despite the time. 

When he went to the bathroom, Yanli looked to Wuxian. “Is… he staying?”

“He is! Does someone need a ride home?” Wuxian looked around, the freshmen already on their way out, Zizhen giggly and being dragged out by a tired and grumbly Jin Ling. Huaisang was turning Wen Ning down to go home with him. 

“No, no,” Yanli shook her head. “Zixuan is driving us, I was just curious!”

Wen Qing wrapped her arms around Yanli. “I’m tired. Zixuan is leaving.”

Jiang Cheng looked at the living room happily. “Invite the Lans more often,” he declared. “Everything, like _everything,_ is put away!”

Wen Qing pulled Yanli towards the door, a tad off balance.

Yanli giggled, “Goodnight boys,” she called. “Oh,” she turned to Wangji as he walked out of the bathroom, “So happy you were able to come! I hope we weren’t too crazy.”

“It was fun,” Wangji assured her. “I am happy I came.”

Wuxian looked to Huaisang who was getting himself some water, “Aren’t you leaving with them?”

“I didn’t come with them,” Huaisang pointed out. “Jiang Cheng said I could sleepover.”

“Where are you sleeping,” Wuxian asked. 

“... Jiang Cheng’s room?”

“Oh good,” Wuxian nodded. “The couch is all yours still,” Wuxian smiled at Wangji. 

Wuxian would have liked it if Wangji slept in his room; he was more than okay if Wangji wanted to sleep on the floor! But before Wuxian could even ask him what he preferred, Wangji had said he’d sleep on the couch. He didn’t ask, he _told_ Wuxian that he would sleep on the couch. 

Wuxian had asked, “Are you sure?” 

“I am sure,” Wangji had confirmed each time Wuxian asked. 

“He’s sleeping over,” Jingyi asked, slowing to a stop. He turned in the driver’s seat to face the boys. “ _He’s sleeping over_?”

“Didn’t he just sleepover in your room,” Jin Ling grumbled. 

“Rulan, I swear-”

“The light is green,” Sizhui told Jingyi. 

“It’s different,” Jingyi continued, paying attention to the road again. 

Zizhen leaned towards Jin Ling, “He’s sleeping over!”

“I know.”

Zizhen looked to the front of the car, “Is he gonna stay on the couch?”

“He will,” Sizhui replied to him. 

“No cuddles then?”

“No cuddles,” the three of them replied. 

“Well that is sad,” Zizhen leaned back in his seat, looking out the window with a pout. 

Sizhui took the water bottle sitting in the cupholder and held it over his shoulder. Jin Ling took it and passed it to Zizhen. 

Zizhen took a big gulp and held it out to Jin Ling who pushed it back toward Zizhen. “I have my own,” he replied. 

Zizhen gasped after taking a smaller sip.. He had a great idea “Can we cuddle again?”

No one replied right away.

“I don’t know,” Jingyi said slowly. He wanted to say yes. But he also knew that Zizhen might have a mini crisis in the morning over it. He also knew that it was not something Jin Ling would want to do right now, if the thought was still on his mind.

“All of us,” Zizhen added. 

Jin Ling glanced around the car with wide eyes.

“Zizhen,” Jingyi started. 

“Oh,” Zizhen exclaimed. “ _Shh, shh_ ,” he held his finger to his lips. “We can have a sleepover too!”

“Maybe we can another time,” Jingyi suggested. 

Zizhen pouted. “... This is dumb.”

“What’s dumb,” Jin Ling asked. “Not having a sleepover?”

“No,” Zizhen looked out the window. “This. It’s dumb.”

Sizhui turned around to look at Zizhen. It wasn’t often that Zizhen would get grumpy, but he was definitely about to start getting grumpy. “You have to wake up early tomorrow for Marketing,” Sizhui reminded him. “You know it’ll be awhile before we fall asleep-”

“Fine.”

“We can cuddle another time though. Do you want to cuddle tomorrow?”

“No.”

Jin Ling scoffed. 

Jingyi sighed.

Zizhen pouted, “I don’t want to because I’m sad!”

“Why are you sad,” Sizhui asked. 

“Because!”

“He _just_ offered to cuddle, tomorrow,” Jin Ling responded. “Is that not what you want?”

“No!”

“Then what do you want?”

“Nothing! Nevermind! I’m tired,” Zizhen crossed his arms. “You’re annoying,” he said under his breath.

“ _I’m_ annoying?” Jin Ling pointed to himself.

“Here we go,” Jingyi muttered.

“You’re annoying,” Jin Ling said to Zizhen.

“I’m going to dump this on you,” Zizhen warned Jin Ling, holding up his water.

“No you won’t!”

Zizhen took the cap off and reached out almost too fast for Sizhui to register. 

Sizhui threw his hand out to intercept the bottle mid-dump; water splashed around the car as Sizhui pulled the bottle away. “Oh my god-”

“I _will_ pull this car over,” Jingyi warned. 

“This is so stupid,” Zizhen huffed. 

“You started it-”

“Stop,” Sizhui interrupted. “You’re tired, and grumpy. No more talking.”

Both of them crossed their arms. 

“You both act so childish when you’re like this,” Sizhui huffed.

zizhen texts 

Jin Ling pulled Zizhen closer. “I can feel you pouting,” Jin Ling grumbled. 

“I’m sad that we couldn’t all cuddle. Would have been fun.”

“Sorry.”

“Not saying it’s your fault,” Zizhen mumbled. “It’s not.”

“Kind of is.”

Zizhen sighed and closed his eyes. “Sorry I tried to dump water on you.”

Jin Ling scoffed. “Wouldn’t have been the first time.”

Whenever Zizhen got particularly grumpy and pouty after drinking, the two of them always had the stupidest of arguments. It definitely was not the first time, and it would not be the last.

It was a lot like when they were younger and would argue. 

“... Do you want to get lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Jin Ling replied tiredly. He just wanted to sleep. He didn’t care about tomorrow.

Zizhen didn’t say anything. 

He thought it was sad that Wuxian wasn’t sad about not being able to cuddle Wangji… Because he never cuddled Wangji, so maybe he didn’t know what it felt like to miss holding someone you care about like that. Or being held by them. 

Maybe he didn’t know what that felt like. 

Maybe he didn’t know the _comfort_ that Zizhen felt when he was close to his boys. When he could just feel the weight of them. Or take them in without pressure to talk about anything. To feel at home next to them.

Zizhen was sad. 

Jin Ling could tell just by the way Zizhen’s body refused to relax in his arms. 

Jin Ling mumbled, “What is it?” Just a hum. “I can’t stay awake; what?”

Zizhen didn’t reply. There was nothing to talk about. He wanted to be in the middle of all the boys. He missed it. He only got it once. He didn’t get to process it. He didn’t know what it was like to be in the middle of _all_ of them.

Jin Ling sighed and started sitting up.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting up-”

“Yeah, why,” Zizhen asked. 

“We’re going to Jingyi and Sizhui’s,” he started to kick the blankets off. 

“No, no,” Zizhen stopped him. “Stop. They’re sleeping.”

“You should be too,” Jin Ling pointed out. “You’re upset about something, and I can’t fix that. So, let’s go-”

“No,” Zizhen pulled him back down. “Go to sleep; I’m going to sleep, I promise,” he held out his pinkie, “I’m fine.”

Jin Ling searched his face but couldn’t find anything to tell him to get up again. He wasn’t sure if it was because Zizhen was really fine, he was acting, or if he just sucked at reading Zizhen. 

He hooked their pinkies.

* * *

This time Wangji was lying on the couch and Wuxian was sitting before him on the floor. “I talked to people,” Wangji countered. “You just weren’t always there to see it.”

“You’re saying I missed Social Butterfly!Lan Zhan?”

“Yes,” Wangji nodded.

Wuxian pouted. “Shit.”

“I am...Very talkative, Wei Ying,” Wangji joked. 

“God, you never shut up,” Wuxian playfully rolled his eyes. 

Wangji wasn’t a chatterbox, per say, even when he was with just Wuxian, but he did talk quite a lot when it was just the two of them. Wuxian didn’t expect him to engage with his friends too much during a Monday Movie Night but he was happy he did.

“So,” Wuxian folded his legs and sat up straighter. “What’s your opinion?”

“I still think they are quite loud and unfiltered,” Wangji admitted, repositioning the pillow he was using. “But it is… refreshing.”

“Refreshing,” Wuxian laughed. “I’m not sure you’d say that if you were with them all the time.”

“Probably not. But they’re good people.”

Wuxian smiled, “They are.”

“I am surprised about Zixuan,” Wangji admitted. “And Wen Ning.”

“Oh? Explain,” Wuxian crossed his arms and rested them on the edge of the couch. 

“They both seem quite reserved and more… disciplined?”

“You should have seen them before they were friends,” Wuxian smirked. “Zixuan tried to act like the two of them were nothing alike. But Zixuan is more ‘disciplined’, yes.”

“He is _Jin_ Zixuan,” Wangji said. 

“He is.”

“I know him best from how he is around Jin Guangshan,” Wangji admitted. 

“The most boring and formal Zixuan will ever be.”

“And snooty,” Wangji added. 

Wuxian laughed, “ _Snooty_ -”

Wangji added. “People think I am arrogant too.”

Wuxian hummed, “You came off a _tad_ uppity.”

“Just a tad,” Wangji hummed in thought. 

“Anyone else surprise you?”

Wuxian looked up at the ceiling. He didn’t think so? He didn’t have many assumptions about any of them really. Well… “Huaisang,” Wangji said quietly since Jiang Cheng’s door was propped open just slightly. 

“He was pretty quiet,” Wuxian rested his cheek against his palm. “He’s usually quite loud.”

“I figured,” Wangji nodded. Huaisang stayed around either Sizhui or Wen Qing throughout the night and didn’t really react to too much happening around him. While Wangji knew him formally as well, he was accustomed to seeing him on campus or around Wuxian as well. He knew how chaotic Huaisang could be. “You should come with me when my friends get together. It’s not like this though. Those are sleepovers. With everyone.”

“As much as I would _love_ that,” Wuxian started. “Am I allowed to?”

“Why not?”

“You all work at UCR,” Wuxian pointed out. 

“You are friends with Mianmian.”

“Yes but your brother is my literal advisor, Lan Zhan.”

Wangji sighed. “I forgot… You still should. Just maybe not yet.”

“Maybe not yet,” Wuxian agreed. “But I love Song Lan, so make that happen again!”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Wuxian leaned back, “I’m going to sleep. It is very late and you look tired.”

“Goodnight Wei Ying.”

“Goodnight Lan Zhan,” Wuxian booped Wangji’s nose.

end of movie night vs. tuesday morning 

  



	95. Huaixuan Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// arranged marriages mentioned

Zixuan couldn’t do it anymore. He really couldn’t. He was going crazy, specifically after his lengthy conversation with Yanli where he practically burst at the seams. 

He didn’t want so many people to know his business like this, but he figured… Well if anyone could know, it had to be his friends. At least, to some extent. 

Because he was going crazy. He was confused, tired, and frankly a bit broken. 

He had no idea how to unpack anything, or how to move forward, unpacked or not. 

Yanli didn’t expect him to feel better instantly after unloading everything going on in his head to her. She didn’t expect anything except that maybe Zixuan would be more upset after saying something. 

She was right to expect as much. He was frustrated with himself and lost. 

Yanli waited for Zixuan to give her the greenlight to say her piece on the entire situation. And of course he gave her that greenlight. He always valued her opinion on anything and everything. He  _ wanted _ to know what her thought was on this, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. 

Zixuan took in every word she said, part of it was uncomfortable to hear, the other part was devastatingly comforting because he never thought they were words he would hear, or would even need to hear. “Nothing is wrong with you,” rang out over and over in his head. 

“It’s unfair,” he muttered eventually. 

The situation he was in wasn’t the greatest. He was not sure how he could come out on top of this one. 

“ _ Completely _ unfair,” Yanli agreed as she grabbed Zixuan’s hands. 

The more Yanli spoke, the more he figured she was probably right. He’s had too much time to think about things to the point of looping right back into illogical reasoning. But when she asked Zixuan to talk to Huaisang, he felt like that wasn’t quite logical either.

“About what,” Zixuan questioned. “We already went through this. Why do it again?”

“You both have had time to process things with some more clarity,” Yanli offered. “Get his thoughts on everything. Allow some time to share your thoughts. No more beating around the bush. No more uncertainty. Just… Lay it all out. Both of you. See where you stand on how to move on from here.”

That’s how Zixuan found himself walking up to Huaisang’s front door. He needed to do it before he talked himself out of it. 

Because he was definitely going to talk himself out of it if he didn’t do it that day. 

The door opened before he could even reach out for it.

Mingjue stared at him. “I-”

“Is Huaisang home?” Mingjue glanced over his shoulder before looking back at Zixuan. “If he’s okay with it, I’d like to talk to him.”

And that’s how Zixuan found himself walking in while Mingjue was on his way out, not before giving Zixuan an obligatory warning. 

Huaisang was leaning against the island counter biting into some chocolate. He walked by Zixuan and into the living room. He must’ve been ready to call it an early night considering he was not only in his pajamas but his hair was down. Completely down. No hair pieces. Nothing tying his hair back. 

Just some waves from being braided all the time. 

“You look like shit,” Huaisang scoffed, folding his leg under himself. 

“So do you,” Zixuan mirrored him on the opposite side of the loveseat.

“Mn,” Huaisang pulled his other leg up. “What is it?”

“I just want us to talk.”

“About what,” Huaisang chewed his bottom lip anxiously. 

“Things,” he tried. 

“Okay.” 

Zixuan opened his mouth but quickly closed it. 

Shit. What was he going to say to him again?

“You have to start,” Huaisang pointed out.

“Yeah, I’m trying,” Zixuan countered. He took a deep breath before continuing. In short, he had no idea what he was supposed to do next because he didn’t know what was on Huaisang’s mind.

Huaisang was a tad defensive, “I don’t know what’s on yours.”

“What do you want to know?” Zixuan was tired of keeping things from Huaisang. He didn’t want to do that anymore. He just wanted to be an open book. He wanted to do what Yanli suggested. Just lay it all out. 

Even if it meant talking about Daiyu. Which of course is exactly where the conversation started. 

Both of them sat with their thoughts for too long. It didn’t matter how uncomfortable this conversation already was, or how much worse it could get. They were far too familiar with each other, too close, too understanding to  _ not _ want to get everything out in the open. 

The one thing Huaisang had  _ wished _ he could hear, he heard. “I… I can call it off,” Zixuan said slowly. “If you want me to, tell me. And I will.”

He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that. Obviously he wanted him to. But it wouldn’t be that easy though. If it was, he already would have… Well, Huaisang hoped anyway. “What happens if you do though?”

“My dad picks someone else.”

Huaisang was quiet. 

“I’ll do it if you want me to,” Zixuan repeated. 

“I can’t answer that,” Huaisang said. It was too complicated. He couldn’t just call it off, and carry on with the plan of becoming the clan leader. It wasn’t like Zixuan could do that and keep them a secret. 

If he could, Huaisang would be fine with that. But that was not the case. Because Zixuan would get married, and Huaisang refused to be that person, or have Zixuan be anything like his father; he made a point to say so. “No offense…”

Zixuan didn’t want that either, “Absolutely none taken.” 

Huaisang pointed out the painful truth, “You could walk away from everything and it could be for absolutely  _ nothing _ . For all we know, even if we  _ did _ have a chance. This could end. I don’t know if that would be miserably, or on good terms, but it could end. It’s not worth it to call everything off for a potential nothing.”

“You’re not nothing though,” Zixuan stopped him. “Even if…  _ this  _ did end, it wouldn’t be for nothing.”

Potential was… well, it was still a possibility. And… 

Huaisang sighed in frustration, pulling his leg out from under him, “I just-” he groaned. “Zixuan, there’s too many ‘what ifs’; too many unknowns.”

“Okay, so let’s talk about them,” Zixuan urged. “I’m already uncomfortable as all hell, let’s just talk about it.”

“What if we can’t make this work  _ if _ we had the chance to try?”

“I don’t know, but I’d like to think we made the most of it, and we would end on good terms. I’ve known you my entire life, I would hate to lose you entirely… And I feel like I already am.”

Zixuan was definitely losing Huaisang at the current rate they were going. 

He was sure they could remain friends, but the timing of all of this was less than spectacular and now he was second guessing the possibility of them ever returning to some sort of normal that he hoped they could achieve. That is, if they couldn’t fix this right here, right now.

“I don’t know how to be friends with you right now,” Huaisang said honestly. “I don’t know what’s okay, and what’s not. I don’t know what ‘before’ means now. I don’t know what was said or done because I liked you, and what was said or done because we were just friends.”

“Can we take it as it comes? Like you tell me when something isn’t okay? And I tell you? We can talk about it?”

“Well that’ll bite me in the ass,” Huaisang muttered to himself. “You’re definitely going to tell me I can’t call you ‘daddy’ as a joke anymore,” he paused. “Which, you can  _ definitely  _ say. That’s  _ fine _ , obviously... Oh my god, don’t listen to me.”

Zixuan chuckled, “I will never say this  _ ever  _ again, but yes you can still call me ‘daddy’ as a joke.”

Huaisang gasped, “ _ Daddy- _ ”

“ _ As a joke!” _

Huaisang kicked his feet in excitement. He pushed his hair back and sat forward, “Wait, call me ‘baby’-”

“I never did that before,  _ why _ would I do that now?”

“Spice it up!”

“Aren’t we trying to spice it down?”

“ _ Spice it down _ ,” Huaisang laughed. “Okay, okay, fine.”

“What else?”

They tried to figure out how to ‘spice it down’; how to be like they were before this; how to be Huaisang and Zixuan again. 

But the list was long, and they had no idea how to be the Huaisang and the Zixuan that they were in their early days of high school. Because everything was different now; everything from before wasn’t going to make anything easier. 

It might just make it even harder, because it was so devastatingly innocent at the time. 

“Then let’s start over,” Huaisang suggested.

“How? We met when we were like, what? Four?”

“I don’t know,” he frowned. 

“This is going overwhelmingly bad.”

“Maybe it’s just a lose-lose situation,” Huaisang decided dejectedly. 

“If you could get  _ exactly _ what you wanted, what would it be?” Zixuan added, “What does that look like to you?”

Huaisang blinked. “I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Try?”

“Uhm,” Huaisang stretched his legs out slightly. “I guess the perfect world scenario-”

Huaisang could feel Zixuan holding on to every word he said. As much as it hurt to say and see his reaction, it hurt Zixuan just as much to hear but… 

Maybe he could make a portion of that perfect world happen...


	96. Zixuan Makes His Rounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// arranged marriages mentioned

“Isn’t it too early for us to become ‘friends’,” Mingjue asked Zixuan as he walked into his office. 

“I’m pretty sure the answer to that is no,” he closed the door behind him. “If there’s any hope for the Jin Clan and the Nie Clan, I’m pretty sure we need to be on a better page than my dad and your uncle,” he sat down before him.

Mingjue pursed his lips, “You’re not wrong… What do you want? Or are you actually here for school related issues?”

“I wanted to ask about… things in the Nie Clan…”

“Like?”

“Marriage, I guess.”

Mingjue narrowed his eyes. “You already know about-” He paused. “We have to know about other clans,” Mingjue pointed out.

“I only know what I’m supposed to know,” Zixuan countered.

Discussing this was not something Mingjue had planned for his day but… He would be lying if he said it didn’t make him the slightest bit happy. 

He couldn’t say that Zixuan was going to actually stand up and challenge his family, but he was… Doing _something_

“Your relationship is going to suck at the end of the day,” Mingjue pointed out at one point, “Literally neither of you want this.”

“Glad we’re on the same page because-”

Mingjue sighed.

“-what is your standpoint as a future clan leader, and overall someone on the outside, on me calling off the engagement before it happens? Or even after it happens?”

“Uh…” Mingjue was thrown off. “You want my opinion?” 

“Please.”

Mingjue began, “Well…”

Zixuan appreciated Mingjue so much more than he might ever admit. He’s always seen him as a brother to turn to when you needed help, likely because of Huaisang. And the one time he really needed it, Mingjue sat there and talked him through everything. He challenged him. He asked him questions he was never asked or allowed to consider before. 

“Zixuan, I feel like everything here can be solved if you just don’t get married. Whether that means you break some rules, or you give up this idea of becoming clan leader. That much I can’t help with. Not unless you tell me what you need me to do.”

Zixuan hesitated, “I need to talk to some people first…”

“Okay,” Mingjue nodded. “Call me if you need anything. I’ll try to help.”

“Thank you.”

Mingjue waved it off, “I have a question for you before you leave.”

“Sure.”

“If you can’t find a way out of this, what are you going to do about Huaisang?”

“I’m going to try and find a way out of this.”

at carp tower 

  
  
  


Zixuan had a lot of people to talk to. A lot of people he didn’t expect to feel the _need_ to talk to about this. He was a ball of nerves but it was okay. 

He wasn’t going to get into the details of _why_ he was doing what he was doing to everyone he spoke to, but he needed quite a few people involved. 

He needed out of this engagement. Unfortunately that meant that the first person he would need to speak to next was his mother…

He walked up to her closed door nervously…

_Here goes nothing..._

* * *

“You realize you’re going to humiliate your father,” Jiang Cheng asked. 

“I mean, he can decide if he’s going to agree with it or not,” Zixuan shrugged. 

Yanli smirked. “I love it.”

It was just a backup plan. But he felt better having one. He needed plans, he needed backup plans, and plans in case his backup plans failed. Any spontaneity in his life was thanks to Huaisang in most, if not all, cases. 

Wuxian was more than thrilled about it. Zixuan was practically planning to throw everything into the fire. If there is one thing that Zixuan excels at, is his ability to connect with people and get them to like him when he flips the switch on. 

He was the epitome of the perfect Jin. He had just the right amount of arrogance _and_ charm to make all parties happy. He knew when he had to flip the switch, and who it was worth doing it for. 

Zixuan _always_ got what he wanted because he knew how to win people over. 

Guangshan had no idea that for the last couple years, that was exactly what Zixuan had done in his free time. Quite literally… 

All the time he spent in and around Lanling during the summers without anyone knowing, even before he left for university. The people he worked with and got to know…

It was a _long_ list. 

People liked Zixuan more than they liked Guangshan, and a lot of people looked forward to the day Zixuan would move from quietly persuading his father from the sidelines, to the spotlight. 

Wuxian wasn’t even sure Zixuan was aware that he was doing it for so long. 

But when Wuxian found out that Zixuan also approached Wangji about it, he knew that Zixuan was determined to get what he wanted. 

“Good for him,” Wangji said to Wuxian. “I wouldn’t want to get married either,” he looked to Wuxian and internally panicked. “Now,” he added quickly. “I wouldn’t want to get married _now_.” Wuxian bit back a laugh, leaning across Wangji’s kitchen counter. When Wuxian opened his mouth to comment, Wangji was quick to stop him, “I’m not having this conversation.”

“Why not,” Wuxian pouted.

“It’s awkward.”

Wuxian clicked his tongue in annoyance, “Fine… So how do you think Guangshan will react?”

* * *

Huaisang could not believe what Zixuan was telling him, in the middle of the quad, of all places. 

Granted Zixuan did ask him if he wanted a ride home and he said no.

“You did what,” Huaisang asked. 

“Made a backup plan in case he says no,” Zixuan repeated. “He either says yes or-”

“Zixuan,” Huaisang paused. He has barely spoken to Zixuan since they put everything out there, and now here he was telling Huaisang _this_ …. “You’re practically threatening to overthrow your father,” he whispered anxiously. “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”

“Yup,” Zixuan kept walking. 

“‘ _Yup_ ’?” Huaisang chased after him, “Why are you so calm right now?”

“Because it won’t get to that point,” Zixuan responded. “He wouldn’t risk his public image like that, over _this_. If he does, and he still fights me on it, he wouldn’t risk me publicly leaving.”

“And if he does?”


	97. Wangji So Cute

  


keep it 

  


SAY IT 

  


show some ankle 

  
  
  



	98. Jin Ling Approaches Zixuan

Jin Ling felt sick with nerves. 

He did not want to do this. At all. 

But he also couldn’t talk to just Zizhen about this anymore. 

Jin Ling figured that out of everyone, he should go to Zixuan.

To be honest he was initially working up the nerve to talk to Wuxian. Which was a horrifying thought to Jin Ling.

He couldn’t think of anyone _more_ open than Zizhen except for Wei Wuxian. 

He only changed his mind after he considered his options again. For the umpteenth time.

The way Zixuan was around Huaisang wasn’t weird to him. He was used to it. Of course all their friends were, but he used to see Huaisang around Carp Tower often enough when he was growing up. 

Or would hear his family talk about Huaisang during their dinners. Whether it was to ask Zixuan how he was, or simply to talk about him because they loved to gossip; Jin Ling was familiar with Huaisang before he even really knew who he was. 

It was a bit jarring to see how Huaisang was around Zixuan without the filter he suddenly developed whenever they had to be formal around each other. 

But Jin Ling quickly realized that it was the norm for Huaisang to hang all over Zixuan, or for the two of them to joke around in the way that they did. 

It did not miss him when the two of them became distant and near silent around everyone if the other was around, or how different Huaisang was during Monday Movie Night, or how tense they seemed for a while after he found out that Zixuan was supposed to marry Nie Daiyu.

It felt risky to even talk to Zixuan about this, but he figured this was the better bet because if anyone was going to understand why Jin Ling felt the way he did about this, it would be Zixuan. 

Maybe…

… He hoped.

“What’s wrong with you,” Zixuan questioned him. They were on their way back to GCR after a family dinner at Carp Tower. “You look like you’re about to yell.”

“I’m not going to yell,” Jin Ling scoffed. 

Zixuan didn’t believe him. He nonchalantly rolled the window down. 

Jin Ling huffed in annoyance and rolled the window back up, “I’m not going to yell.”

“Then why do you look like that. Stop it, it’s ugly.”

“You’re ugly,” Jin Ling looked out the window.

“Weak,” Zixuan turned the music down a bit more. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m…” Jin Ling pressed his lips together. He could just ignore it. Just carry on like he had been. “I’m just trying to think of how I want to ask something.”

“Ask _me_ something,” Zixuan raised his eyebrows.

It’s now or never.

“Yeah, advice? I… guess...”

“ _Advice_?” Zixuan was surprised. The look on his face and the uncertainty in his voice made Zixuan feel like the matter must’ve been serious. He didn’t think Jin Ling would ever go to him for anything, especially not if something was bothering him. Isn’t that what having a friend like Sizhui was for?

“Yeah. I was going to try and ask Wuxian but,” Jin Ling looked out the window; he was going to wimp out if he made eye contact with Zixuan for even a split second. 

“Oh. Wuxian is actually quite good when it comes to advice. He never follows it but he’s good at giving it,” Zixuan said. “Why not ask Wuxian?”

“I don’t think he’ll get it.”

“Get what?” 

“What it’s like in Carp Tower.”

“Ah.” Zixuan frowned. He wasn’t sure what this could be about, but he was right with that assumption. His friends understood that everything was bullshit in Carp Tower. But it was one thing to know what it was like, it was another to live there. 

“You look at him differently,” Jin Ling muttered. Every part of his brain was yelling at him to end the conversation right here. 

“Who? Wuxian?”

“Huaisang.”

Zixuan’s chest tightened. He tugged on his ear anxiously for a moment before glancing at Jin Ling. “Huaisang? What do you mean?”

“Wangji looks at Wuxian the same way.”

Now how exactly was he supposed to respond to that? “Uh… Okay? Not really sure what _that’s_ supposed to mean, but alright.” He silently cursed himself. 

Jin Ling didn’t reply right away. 

Zixuan pulled into a streetside parking spot and turned the car off. His fight or flight was kicking in, and for once his first instinct was not to run. “What exactly is this about, Jin Ling?”

Jin Ling took a deep breath. 

wuxian & zixuan 

  
  


jin ling & zizhen ft. zizhen’s younger sister 

  


Zixuan glanced over at Jin Ling who momentarily dropped his head into his hands. “... You okay?”

“... Yeah,” Jin Ling huffed and picked up the phone again. “I just can’t stand Zizhen.”

Zixuan snorted, “Yeah, alright.”

“He’s annoying, and frustrating, and pretty, and I fucking hate him-” Jin Ling looked out the window as his call connected, “Meizhen, the dog is _fine_. Oh my god-”

for YOU? 

  


but what are they calling this? huaisang still didn’t say 

  


were you drooling or something 

  
  



	99. He

Wangji couldn’t focus on his paper. 

The only thing he could think about was Wuxian. Every moment they spent together since they met. How much he’s learned about him since that first class. How close he’s gotten to him since. The way his mind works. His laugh.

There was  _ no _ denying how he felt about Wuxian. It was impossible to be honest.

And he didn’t want to pretend it would pass anymore. He didn’t want it to go away. 

Okay, so he didn’t know what to do with that information yet, but that’s okay. 

Because he liked Wuxian. Maybe a little too much for his own good. 

A lot much, actually. 

But he liked Wuxian.

Things were complicated though. 

The fact of the matter was that he couldn’t do anything about liking Wuxian. Both in the sense of not being to help how he felt, and not being able to act on it. 

Or, if he did do something about it, no one could know. 

That would be a surefire way of being pushed out of everything. His home. His school. His family...

He couldn’t do that. 

Despite everything, he didn’t want to either. 

Why couldn’t he have both?

It wasn’t fair that he couldn’t. It’s not like him liking Wuxian was causing great harm to the world. It may be a secret now, but he liked him and… The world was in one piece, more or less. 

So why couldn’t he hold his hand when he wanted to? Or stay up late talking in the dark? Or a hug; what’s wrong with a hug? 

Couldn’t he let Wuxian kiss him? When they’re dancing in the kitchen? When they’re celebrating Tuesday? When they’re just being themselves?

Can’t they just do what everyone else does?

Wangji looked across the table, “Can I talk to you about something?”

Mianmian looked up from her laptop. “Sure, what’s up!”

“I like this… person…”

Mianmian closed her laptop slowly. Well this was sudden and wildly out of character. “Okay.”

“My uncle may… freak out? Mn,” Wangji nodded to himself. There was no better way to phrase it, “He would freak out if he ever found out about them.”

“Does he need to know?”

“No,” Wangji admitted. “But I wouldn’t want to have to keep it a secret forever. That wouldn’t be fair to them. I guess I just… I need to tell someone. And I need to talk out the possibilities in my head because I’ve been going in circles for ages now and I just…”

“Feeling like you’re losing it?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay,” Mianmian nodded. “So you want to keep it a secret?”

“I have to. Uncle can’t find out.”

“What would you do if he found out anyways?”

“I don’t think it’s a matter of what I would do,” Wangji said slowly. “I think it’s more ‘what would happen’?”

“Do you want to talk about those things?” Mianmian had her assumptions.

The way Wangji spoke so cautiously confirmed her suspicions. “Mn… Uncle just… Doesn’t approve of some things.”

“A lot of things,” Mianmian agreed. “When he makes up his mind, there’s no going back…”

“Yeah,” Wangji nodded. “That’s the problem. I need him to change his mind. But I know that’s giving him too much credit.”

“... You can always stay here,” Mianmian said. “If you ever need to get away or stay away, y’know?”

Wangji sighed. “Hopefully he just never finds out? Otherwise I will need to stay on your couch for a little while.” Wangji groaned and covered his face. “I don’t know how to do this, Mianmian.”

“Pretend, or talk to this person?”

“ _ Both _ ,” Wangji dropped his hands. “I don’t know how to tell them, and I don’t know how to tell them that I can’t risk anyone knowing…”

“Be honest,” Mianmian suggested. “Just tell the truth. I can’t imagine that he wouldn’t understand-”

“-I didn’t say it was a guy.”

“...Huh?”

“You said ‘he’.”

“Oh… I’m sorry, I didn’t realize,” Mianmian sighed. “Wangji, just tell the truth. Tell them why you’re concerned. I know your uncle, and I’m sure they do too. You’re allowed to want to keep yourself safe.”

“I wouldn’t want to get them in trouble for this either... “ He ‘fixed’ his headband nervously. “This… This person is  _ everything _ Uncle hates. He’s made up his mind about them already. If he even knew how close we were as friends, he would lose it. But to find out about it and to also find out that I’m…” Wangji paused. There was no point in beating around the bush anymore. “Mianmian, I have  _ no _ idea what my uncle would do if he found out about Wuxian.”

If this was any other conversation, she would have smiled. She would have laughed and yelled and been excited for Wangji. 

But this wasn’t any other conversation. This was a conversation about Lan Qiren. And she could see on Wangji’s face how nervous he was. 

She was more than understanding. 

“I will never tell you to do something you’re uncomfortable with,” Mianmian reassured him, “But I will tell you that Wuxian is  _ crazy _ about you. I do think you should talk to him. Really talk. Tell him your concerns. I  _ know _ he’d understand. And he would never want to make you do anything that you thought would be unsafe for you.”

Wangji looked down at the table, “Uncle really can’t find out,” he muttered. “I really can’t have him find out.”

“Talk to Wuxian,” Mianmian grabbed his hand. 

“How? When?”

“Whenever you feel like you can. It doesn’t need to be now.”

Wangji wondered quietly, “Maybe when I think I want to kiss him.”

Mianmian smiled softly, “It could be then,” she nodded. 

“... Can I tell you about that too? When I talk to him?”

“You can tell me anything.”

“... I know you’re friends but… Can I tell you about the Wuxian I know?”

“ _ Please! _ ”


	100. Avengers Assembling in Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to understand this more, pls consider reading Flourish (posting soon, but also on twitter like circles) to read on twt instead of ao3: https://twitter.com/yuchensears/status/1320805443137056773?s=20 )

  
  
  


new gc! all 12 are present 

  
  
  


HUAISANG 

  
  


zixuan only told wangji his plan b 

  


zixuan needs jingyi to do a bit of sleuthing for him 

  
  



	101. Dancing = Thinking

“Are you going to ask him out,” Jiang Cheng rolled onto Wuxian’s bed. 

“I don’t know that I should,” Wuxian admitted. 

“But you want to?”

“Of course I want to,” Wuxian pouted. “He’s… Amazing.”

“He makes everyone before him seem like trash,” Jiang Cheng chuckled, “No offense. Your last girlfriend was pretty great, but…”

“Not Lan Zhan,” Wuxian confirmed.

“Why wouldn’t you ask him out if you like him so much?”

“Because I don’t think he’d say yes.”

“He clearly likes you back,” Jiang Cheng countered. “You can’t tell me you still don’t see that.”

“I do, but,” Wuxian sighed. “He’s Lan Zhan. You know where he’s from. You know who his family is.”

“He obviously doesn’t agree with their rules though,” his brother countered. “I don’t think he’d say ‘no’.”

“I think he will. Not because he wants to, but because he has to, y’know?”

“Mn…”

Wuxian groaned, “God, I hate this.”

“Okay, what if you just… Talk to him? Not ask him out but… Talk to him.”

“I talk to him all the time. Like, literally all the time.”

Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes, “I mean about liking him. Just put it out there.”

“Should I? If there’s nothing going to come from it?”

Jiang Cheng hummed. “I think so. Obviously I don’t do… relationships… But I think that it would be better to say something than keep it hidden. Okay, so nothing can happen right now… But who’s to say in the future something won’t come from you saying something _now_? Imagine how great that would be if you both still like each other in the future.”

“Not to be dramatic… But I may never stop liking him.”

“Okay, _so_? Talk to him!”

“Okay… Fine. I will, I’ll talk to him.”

“ _Good_. Then tell me everything.”

“Okay,” Wuxian huffed. “Thanks… Love you…”

“Love you too,” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes jokingly.

w a n g x i a n 

  
  
  


“i know why but why” lol ok 

  


“Let’s do something different,” Wuxian suggested, stretching. “Can we just improv? I’m tired but I want to dance.” He wanted to dance with Sizhui. Because when he was finished thinking, he knew he would want to talk. 

“Sure! Can we do a slower song,” Sizhui asked.

“Sure,” Wuxian shrugged. “What are you thinking?”

Sizhui connected his phone and pressed play.

“Can I go first? I don’t know this song.”

_[The night is young, so are we](https://open.spotify.com/track/48wSJ6NhMFYYB6LjdnPNjM?si=935de822802a43f3) _

_Let’s just get to know each other, slow and easily_

“Go for it,” Sizhui sat down. 

_Take my hand, let’s hit the floor_

Wuxian just needed to dance. If they ended up just doing improv the whole time, he would be fine with it. He just needed to think…

_We don’t have to take our clothes off_

_To have a good time_

Sometimes he did his best thinking while dancing. He felt less anxious when he did. 

_We could dance and party all night_

_And drink some cherry wine_

And Jiang Cheng was right. He should talk to Wangji. He liked him _too_ much to not say anything. He was going to talk to him without any expectations. 

Now was not the time for him to think unrealistically about things. 

Even if he really wanted to… 

And he really wanted to. He wanted to be able to kiss Wangji whenever, hold his hand wherever, do whatever they wanted. 

He wanted to. But now was not the time for those thoughts. 

jin ling!!!!!! 

  
  


clearly zizhen misses his boyfriends... don’t get me started on jin ling 

  
  



	102. Double date? No. No, surely not.

Zixuan had just left Jingyi’s dorm and was on his way to where he had parked his car when he saw Jiang Cheng’s pull up to the sidewalk near him. 

Wuxian didn’t really give him the option to turn down the invite to go to the store with him and Huaisang.

“When’s the last time I sat in the back of a car,” Zixuan asked with a huff as he climbed in. 

Huaisang turned around in the passenger seat, ready to answer.

“When I was sober,” Zixuan added. 

Huaisang blinked. “...”

“Have you ever since you got your license,” Wuxian glanced in the rearview mirror. 

“... Freshman year,” Huaisang said slowly, just a little unsure of the timeline. “You felt nauseous so you and Wen Ning switched on the way back from Lanling.”

“Hmm,” Zixuan hummed. “I guess so? I can’t really remember. Was it Lanling?”

“... I think so?”

Wuxian made a face, “How do you even remember that?”

Huaisang shrugged and faced the front. “Probably because I thought he was going to be sick… Imagine our panic knowing Zixuan, of all people, was about to get carsick.”

“Disgusting,” Zixuan shuddered and looked out the window.

“I thought you didn’t get carsick,” Wuxian asked. 

“I don’t, Huaisang does,” Zixuan said.

Huaisang kept to himself the reason Zixuan felt sick, thinking he didn’t remember (he did)... It was entirely his fault. He had been telling Wen Ning stories of the first time he got carsick and how he and his family had no idea that it was the long car rides that made him feel the way he did. 

“Y’know-”

“Let’s _not_ ,” Zixuan interrupted, “continue this discussion.”

Wuxian bit back a laugh before catching sight of Wangji walking out of the public library. He gasped and immediately pulled up to the side of the street. “Lan Zhan!!!”

Huaisang pressed his back to the seat as Wuxian leaned forward. 

“Hi Wei Ying,” Wangji glanced into the car. “Hello,” he said to Huaisang and Zixuan. 

“We’re heading out of town, do you want to come?”

“Where are you going?”

“I need to pick up stuff for the FPA Department,” Huaisang replied. 

“He wrangled me into the car when he drove by me too,” Zixuan replied. “He’ll beg.”

Trapping Zixuan on a trip with him and Huaisang was a strategic move; a hidden agenda. Getting Wangji to join them was purely selfish. “I will… Are you free?”

Wangji smirked, “I’ll come,” he hopped into the back. 

Zixuan and Wangji glanced at each other before awkwardly looking back out their respective windows. 

Wuxian turned the music back up. “Now the adventure begins,” Wuxian pulled back out into traffic. 

[ _No one but you got me feeling this way_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3P3pw6C19j31Rnzgo3JG7o?si=5dd6bba9ba724179)

[ _There's so much we can't explain_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/3P3pw6C19j31Rnzgo3JG7o?si=5dd6bba9ba724179)

Huaisang braided his hair, quietly singing to himself at first. He felt a bit awkward and self-conscious. Because of Zixuan _and_ Wangji, but of course for different reasons. He just needed to get stuff and go home. This wasn’t supposed to be an adventure. 

_Maybe we're helping each other escape_

_I'm with you_

But he didn’t want to think about that. He didn’t want to think about how he and Zixuan were acting around each other. He didn’t even want to think about Wangxian. He was tired trying to navigate his own life. He just wanted to roll the windows down, turn the music up, and not be miserable or confused while he was out. 

Just for once. 

So that’s what he did. 

Huaisang rolled his window down and leaned forward and turned the music up even louder.

_Maybe we're perfect strangers_

_Maybe it's not forever_

_Maybe intellect will change us_

Wuxian rolled the rest of the windows down. 

Zixuan and Wangji were quick to pull their hair back and tie it off neatly before Wuxian pulled onto the highway and before the wind could completely dishevel them. 

_Maybe we'll stay together_

_Maybe we'll walk away_ _  
_

Zixuan glanced to the front of the car at Huaisang who sang dramatically with Wuxian now that they were on the highway… Laughing like he wasn’t stressed about being thrown into the middle of his department's chaos just half an hour ago. _  
  
_

_Maybe we'll realize_

_We're only human_

Wuxian suddenly went silent to merge into a new lane before bursting out into song again. Wangji bit back a smile watching Wuxian be so carefree. The two in the front lost in their own little world at this moment.

_Maybe we don't need no reason why_

_Come on, come on, come on now_

Wangji and Zixuan glanced at each other… and smiled. 

SWOON 

“This isn’t for the show is it,” Zixuan glanced down at the items Huaisang was searching through.

“No,” he muttered, feeling the fabric carefully. “I was commissioned to make another piece; might as well pick up what I need while I’m here,” he thrust a pattern at Zixuan. “Hold that up.”

Zixuan complied quietly as Huaisang draped another piece of fabric over it. Huaisang hummed and brushed a piece of Zixuan’s hair forward to sit over the fabric. He tilted his head in thought. 

Huaisang had half a mind to make it for Zixuan instead. But while Huaisang _loved_ the idea of him in these colors…

“These are pretty together,” Zixuan said, glancing into a nearby mirror. “Is it what you’re looking for?”

Huaisang smiled and took the fabric back, “I need something a little more blue than gray I think.” He gasped and rushed towards a display of fans. “These colors,” he picked up a silvery-blue fan and held it up. “Hold,” he shoved the fan into Zixuan’s hand before running off. 

Zixuan calmly fanned himself and glanced over at Wuxian and Wangji. 

“Do you know how to sew,” Wuxian asked Wangji. 

“No,” Wangji replied. “Do you?”

“Eh,” Wuxian shook his head. “Huaisang showed me the basics but I can probably only do two of them semi-decently. He has a whole sewing room back at home… As in GCR, but also back in Qinghe; he’s made Yanli a few dresses before.”

“I suppose that makes sense to hear. Xichen’s told me he was quite involved with the costume department for FPA,” Wangji held his hands neatly behind his back as Wuxian held a dark but detailed pattern up to him.

“Have you ever considered wearing black before?”

“No. I’m not sure it would suit me.”

Wuxian hummed and held up something red instead. “I think it would suit you just fine…. More than fine,” Wuxian put the fabrics back. “You should try on some of my clothes some time and see.” 

Try on Wuxian’s clothes?

Wangji looked away nervously. “Maybe.”

Wuxian smirked and continued looking through the fabric. 

Wangji looked up to see Huaisang and Zixuan looking in their direction. Huaisang, who had practically been leaning back against Zixuan while he whispered something, scampered off as if Wangji had heard what he was saying about him and Wuxian. 

Zixuan chuckled and picked up all the fabric Huaisang left behind. He nodded at Wangji before following Huaisang to the front of the store. 

“What are you looking at,” Wuxian asked Wangji. He peered in the same direction to see Huaisang whining about something to Zixuan as he took his soon-to-be purchases from Zixuan’s arms. “Hm?” He looked at Wangji curiously. “Looks like he found what he needed. Want to wait outside?”

“Mn.”

the friends are starting to think this is a double date 

  
  


they lost huaisang and wuxian 

“I thought I saw them in here,” Wangji glanced through a storefront window. “... I don’t know.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re ignoring us,” Zixuan looked down at his phone. Huaisang was reading his texts, and Wuxian was declining his phone calls. 

“Mn… Well that can’t be good.”

Zixuan chuckled, “Nope… If you were Wuxian and Huaisang, where would you go?”

Wangji glanced down both sides of the busy street. He spotted a toy store just a few storefronts away. 

Zixuan caught sight of it himself and sighed. 

Sure enough…

“Lan Zhan,” Wuxian called out the instant the two straight-faced men walked in. “ _Look_!” Wuxian held up a stuffed bunny, nearly as large as himself. 

“It looks very soft.”

“ _It is!_ Feel it,” he practically threw it at him. 

zixuan may not know what he and huaisang are, but he knows that this is not a double date 

  
  


possibility of hanahaki 

  


Huaisang skipped up to Zixuan, eating some chocolate he just bought. “Whatcha doing?”

“Talking about hanahaki disease,” Zixuan replied instantly. 

Huaisang froze mid-bite. “... _Hanahaki_?”

possibility of hanahaki pt 2

  


Zixuan needed to talk to Huaisang. He didn’t think they were dating. They never made it clear, but they hadn’t picked right back up where they left off before they temporarily kept their distance. 

Not even after Zixuan halted his engagement. 

They were cautious of each other now. That much was obvious.

Truthfully it was because neither of them knew what to do next. Do they continue what they were doing before? 

Were they dating? If they were, who could know and who couldn’t?

“I pick the music for the ride back,” Huaisang announced before Wuxian could even grab the aux cord in Jiang Cheng’s car. 

Huaisang purposely picked something he knew would get Zixuan singing in the backseat. He wanted things to feel normal again.

They had different music tastes, yes. But within each other’s preferences they had found songs and artists that they thoroughly enjoyed to listen to together over the years. 

So when Zixuan heard the first couple notes of a song from one of his absolute favorite artists he looked up from his phone instantly. “Turn it up.”

Wuxian turned the music up, all the windows rolling down once more for the ride back. 

[ _Who you are, what you do_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/7IoQLNtrwne6UqaO0cyIMW?si=929afc5535564ed6)

[ _What you need, what’s the use?_ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/7IoQLNtrwne6UqaO0cyIMW?si=929afc5535564ed6)

“ _Hold me now, I can’t help but want you too_ ,” Huaisang sang out happily and loudly. 

_Don’t say you don’t miss me that much_

_Don’t say I don’t still make you blush_

Similarly to Monday Movie Night, Zixuan simply did not care that Lan Wangji was around to see him lose his quiet demeanor as he completely matched the energy Huaisang and Wuxian had, “‘ _Cause my ears are burning, my ears are burning up!_ ”

_Sometimes you can’t yell loud enough_

_Sometimes a whisper’s just too much_

_Now my ears are burning, my ears are burning up_

The three of them shouted without a single care, “ _Too hot to handle, gotta like it rough_ -”

Zixuan was serious when he told his dad he was willing to leave. He may not have told him the real reason, but he would leave. He would leave if it meant he always got to have moments like this. 

Huaisang looked back over his shoulder at Zixuan, smiling and laughing so brightly that Zixuan couldn’t help but smile back at him.

Huaisang was… everything. 

Zixuan thought that maybe, just maybe, instead of asking Huaisang what they were, he would tell him what he hoped they could be… Maybe.

Meanwhile Wangji was still trying to find the perfect moment to talk to Wuxian, but for a different conversation.

He told Mianmian he would talk to Wuxian when he next felt like kissing him. 

Truth be told, he wanted to kiss him back in the store when Wuxian was dragging him around by his hand, and picking up anything and everything that was bunny related. 

But he couldn’t kiss him there. Nor could he pull him to the side and say what he needed to say. 

That wasn’t the place. 

He needed to figure out the place. 

He should talk to Wuxian today. Or at least this week. 

Wuxian glanced into the rearview mirror, his eyes locking with Wangji’s.

Wuxian bit back a smile and focused his eyes back on the road before him. 

_My ears are burning, my ears are burning up_

… No, Wangji should talk to him today. 


	103. Wei Ying... I

  


Wangji waited for Jiang Cheng to take his car out after he and Wuxian entered their apartment. 

After a few moments and while Wuxian was looking for the next episode of their ghost show, Wangji finally cleared his throat. “Can I talk to you about something, Wei Ying?”

Wuxian saw the worried look on Wangji’s face; he did not like that, but he remained in good spirits for Wangji in case it helped him talk about whatever was bothering him. “Sure!” Wuxian set everything to the side. “Everything alright?”

“Uhm,” Wangji folded his legs neatly as he sat beside Wuxian on the bed. “I can’t answer that but… There is something that I have been meaning to talk to you about for a while. But I couldn’t before. I think I can now.”

“Okay,” Wuxian smiled warmly and mirrored the way he was sitting to give Wangji his full attention, “Talk to me.”

Wangji felt sick with nerves. Mianmian had assured him that Wuxian liked him back but… But suppose this moment changed everything. And not for the better. The only change Wangji could imagine was for the worst. 

“I’m not really sure how to say any of this. So I’m just going to talk… If that’s okay.”

“Of course. Perfectly okay.”

“Mn,” Wangji bit the inside of his cheek before letting out a breath he had been holding in hopes of pausing everything. “I… Wei Ying, I like you.”

“I like you too,” Wuxian replied slowly, not letting it click. He thought he was just being hopeful when his first instinct told him that what he felt for Wangji was mutual. He didn’t realize that it was exactly that. 

“No… Wei Ying. I like you, _a lot_. I… Wei Ying, I’m confessing to you, or I’m trying to, but I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never done this. Ever. I didn’t think I would ever have to. But… There’s you.”

“... Oh…”

He?..... Huh?

Wangji felt panic rising up in him at Wuxian’s utter calmness and stillness. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about this, because… Because I _can’t_ do anything about it.”

“... Back up, wait. You _actually_ like me?”

“I… Well, yes. A lot... You do like me back, right?”

Wuxian laughed quietly and cupped Wangji’s cheeks gently as if he would crumble under his touch. “ _Yes_ , Lan Zhan.” A bit of an understatement, but of course Wuxian liked Wangji. “Of course I do.”

Wangji let out a sigh of relief but pulled Wuxian’s hands away from his face.

Wuxian looked down at Wangji holding his hands. “I’m guessing you want to talk about the part where you can’t do anything about it?”

“Mn.”

“Okay,” Wuxian nodded. “Talk to me, Lan Zhan. What do you want to do,” he unconsciously made the tiniest circles in Wangji’s hands with his thumbs. 

What he wanted was to be able to confess to Wuxian, and Wuxian confess to him and not have this conversation. He wanted to kiss him. Hold his hand. Hold _him_. He wanted to go on a date. A proper date, that ends with a goodnight kiss.

Wangji told Wuxian about how uncomfortable he was… He was nervous about his uncle, and from there: his clan. He didn’t want to know what his uncle would do, and he didn’t want to get pushed out of the clan either…

He just felt like he needed to be really careful about this. But he didn’t want to stop this. He wanted it to keep going. He wanted more. He wanted to get more and give more. 

Of course Wuxian understood where he was coming from. He didn’t expect anything serious to come from this. He had already gone through this with his brother. 

Wuxian hummed. “How about you make the moves? When you’re comfortable.”

“Me?” Wangji shook his head, unsure of himself, “I don’t know… I’m not good at these things.”

“Sure you are! You confessed first for starters,” Wuxian pointed out with an encouraging smile. Wuxian really wanted to make a bigger deal about it and kiss him and throw himself at Wangji but… He wouldn’t. 

“I’m going to embarrass myself,” Wangji countered. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“That’s okay! If you don’t want to make a move but you want _something_ … Just tell me. You shouldn’t feel self-conscious with me. I won’t think anything of it. But until then, it can just be business as usual,” he smirked. 

“Business as usual?”

“Yup!” Wuxian started their ghost show and settled down beside Wangji. “Business as usual!” He snatched a twizzler and bit into it with a smile. “Super normal! You can go ahead and take half an hour to lay back, and I’m going to keep stealing your twizzlers whenever I think you’re not looking!”

Wuxian beamed. God, he wanted to kiss Wangji.

“... cute...”

Wuxian choked. Wuxian wanted to scream. “Lan _Zhan!”_ Wangji called him _cute_ ? Hello? _Hello?_ He coughed and hit his fist to his chest. “My god, you’re going to kill me.”

“Because I called you cute or because you choked.”

Wuxian stared at him in disbelief, “ _Both_? I’m choking because it caught me off guard!!”

Wangji chuckled and passed him his water. “Maybe I shouldn’t then.”

“No, no,” Wuxian pulled the bottle back, “Do it again. Keep calling me cute.”

It wasn’t your normal confession. But they were both okay with it. Because they knew they liked each other. Wuxian would do whatever Wangji wanted, when he felt comfortable; when he didn’t feel so trapped. 

There was some hope that something really amazing could actually come from this now that they finally told each other. 

They could make it work. 

  



	104. bold!Jingyi .....?

If this was a movie, this is how it would’ve started. Some inner monologue as you pan over… this… Record scratch and rewind to a week earlier. Except nothing interesting happened a week ago that really led to this.

And this wasn’t even a movie. There was no freeze frame to allow Jingyi any time to think about what was going on. 

But he knew exactly how he got here. 

It started when he, not Sizhui, but  _ he  _ locked their door. 

A locked door has always meant not getting caught. 

That wasn’t Jingyi’s original intention when he locked the door behind him, but he was sure it didn’t help later on when Jingyi had crawled over Sizhui.

“The door is unlocked,” Sizhui muttered against Jingyi’s lips. 

“No it’s not.”

Now, if it  _ was _ unlocked and Jingyi got up to lock it, he would have had more time to process, panic, and put a screeching halt to everything. 

The bold!Jingyi he was channeling would have had time to be locked away with the click of the door. 

For once Sizhui was having a hard time focusing. He was beginning to feel quite flustered with Jingyi’s lack of panic. 

Sizhui was the one who started pulling at clothes. Not Jingyi. 

But here Jingyi was. Already half undressed himself and helping Sizhui out of his clothes. 

Sizhui felt wildly out of his element with Jingyi in charge. It left him a bit dizzy and confused, waiting for Jingyi to realize what was happening and to stop. But he didn’t. And Sizhui was  _ here  _ for it.

This was most definitely was not the first time Jingyi had been  _ this _ hard, but it sure as fuck was the first time that Jingyi didn’t become so wildly embarrassed when he accidentally brushed up against Sizhui. 

It was a lot. It was a lot for Sizhui to process. 

He wasn’t going to pause anything just for his brain to try and keep up. But he still had to check.

Sizhui reluctantly broke their kiss, catching his breath, “Are you sure?” 

“Hm?”

“Jingyi, are you sure about this?”

“I am.”

Sizhui screamed internally. Jingyi didn’t even sound like himself. He always sounded so nervous about these things. But nothing about him seemed uncertain.

Sizhui was confused, but that didn’t matter. 

The weight of Jingyi against him, the way he kissed him, the way his lips trailed down Sizhui’s neck, the feel of his hands… that’s all he could think about. 

Sizhui bit back a moan, scrambling to pull off more clothes and tightening his hold on Jingyi so there was no space left between them. 

But when Jingyi sat back to tear off the rest of their clothes, he froze…

All Jingyi did was take in the sight of Sizhui under him, his hair a tad messy though his headband still perfectly straight, his fingers just slightly curled around Jingyi’s waistband. 

This brief moment let the nerves set in immediately. 

“Shit,” he breathed out quietly. 

Sizhui laughed brightly; Jingyi wasn’t sure how it sounded like stars falling around him, but it did.

Jingyi groaned and climbed off of Sizhui and quickly slipped his arms back into his top, tying it tightly. 

Sizhui sat up with an amused smile and grabbed Jingyi’s face and turned his pouty face towards him. Sizhui kissed his pout and giggled. “You’re so cute,” he placed another quick kiss on his lips, brushing Jingyi’s hair back into place, his fingers ghosting over Jingyi’s headband. “Don’t be embarrassed,” he ran his finger over the tip of Jingyi’s burning red ear. Jingyi didn’t reply right away. 

Jingyi looked at Sizhui and felt his chest tighten. “ _ Ahh _ ,” he tossed his head back. “Sizhui oh my god, I am such a mess. I  _ can’t _ . I’m so sorry-”

“Why are you sorry,” Sizhui smiled as Jingyi began to ramble like he always does. 

“You saw how bold I was right?  _ I was so bold _ -”

“-You were-”

“ _ Were,  _ key word! Oh my god why am I like this? Why are you so intimidating-”

Sizhui laughed and again, Jingyi was flung into the night sky.

Sizhui smirked, “Wanna try again?”

BRAIN PANIC,

jingyi-

i’m actually yelling

YOU MAKE ME NERVOUS TOO


	105. They Shook On It

They  _ still _ hadn’t talked. Not even after Wuxian’s little trick to get Zixuan to tag along while they were out for Huaisang’s errands.

Not about what they needed to talk about.

Huaisang still had his doubts about if they could have this but… At the same time, the longer he waited, the more he stayed away, the harder it would be when Zixuan became clan leader. 

If anything was going to happen, it was going to be now.

But...

“Huaisang,” Wuxian muttered. “Are you okay? You look like you’re going to be sick. Maybe you should stop drinking?”

Absolutely, he felt sick. But he barely had anything to drink. 

He felt sick because he was willing to both give up everything, and  _ give _ Zixuan everything he could possibly want and more. Even when he felt like it might blow up in his face, he would still do it. Because it was Zixuan… The whole thing scared him. More so because he was so willing to put everything he had into this, even if he was told it would 100% end badly. “I’m great,” he smiled. 

Zixuan looked up from across the room at Huaisang.

He wasn’t feeling much better. He was an absolute wreck. So much so that when everyone started leaving, he panicked when he saw Wen Ning starting to head out with them. “I was planning on sleeping over,” Wen Ning replied when he was questioned. 

The feeling didn’t go away even when it was just Huaisang left standing in the kitchen. 

Why did this feel scarier now?

“Do you want me to stay?” Huaisang asked. They were both aware that they needed to talk. Both of their fight or flight reactions were kicking in. 

It was flight. For the both of them.

When Huaisang had eventually laid down in bed, Zixuan was pacing in the bathroom trying to think through things clearly. They were going to have this conversation sooner rather than later, even if it wasn’t right now. He just needed to have his thoughts in order for when it happened. 

Seeing as it  _ could _ happen tonight, he needed to sort fast. 

Everything felt more intimidating knowing that they could actually… figure things out if they wanted. To some degree anyways.

God he was such a  _ wreck _ .

Huaisang was hyper aware of the time Zixuan spent in the bathroom, probably panicking. 

Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Maybe they shouldn’t talk. Not right now anyways. It seemed like a poor choice to do so right now when Zixuan  _ continued _ to avoid going to bed despite finally leaving the bathroom.

Huaisang sat up on his knees, “Zixuan?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Huaisang replied. Zixuan busied himself around the room. “Jin Zixuan.” He turned around immediately. “We don’t need to do anything but sleep.” Zixuan looked down. Did he want to talk? Huaisang sighed, “I can’t read your mind, Zixuan. I don’t know what you want.” He added in softly, “Tell me what you want.”

Zixuan replied quietly, “I don’t know what I want.” That could be taken the wrong way. “I don’t mean-”

“I know what you meant,” Huaisang assured him. “You don’t have to know. We don’t have to do anything. We don’t have to talk. We can just sleep. It’s okay.”

“It is?”

“Of course. And you can change your mind too.”

“I can?”

“You can.”

“Hm,” Zixuan thought. Did he want to talk? Did he want to cuddle? Did he want to just go to sleep and pretend nothing was happening because it was awkward again?

All of the above. 

“You tell me what you want to do, or not do,” Huaisang said. “Whatever you want. If you want to talk about things right  _ now _ , we can. Trust me, I’m absolutely fine waiting longer, but I also realize that’s not productive or fair to ask you to.” 

“What do you want to do right now? If… If it wasn’t me? If it was easier.”

Huaisang tilted his head in confusion, “If it wasn’t you?” Zixuan nodded. “I wouldn’t want to do anything if it wasn’t you. But right now, with  _ you _ ,” Huaisang took a deep breath. “I would kiss you. And tell you it’s okay. And everything else is up to you. You can decide whatever you want to do, or not, after that.” 

Zixuan shuffled forward. “Oh… Okay, uhm...”

“Hopefully I could make you  _ feel  _ like it’s okay too,” Huaisang added, looking up at Zixuan. 

“You always make things feel okay,” Zixuan knelt onto the bed. 

Zixuan cupped Huaisang’s face, Huaisang’s hands pulling at Zixuan’s waist. 

Zixuan’s lips brushed over Huaisang’s. He hadn’t kissed Huaisang in… God, in so long. 

He wanted Huaisang. That was the only thought he could navigate clearly. “I don’t want to talk yet.”

Huaisang whispered, “That’s okay.” 

huaisang went to wen ning the next morning

He gave it a day, but it was clear now that Zixuan was ready to actually come up with a game plan. So was he. “Okay,” Huaisang huffed and dropped down beside Zixuan. He took the pages Zixuan was holding and set them off to the side. “I’m ready to talk.”

“Right now?”

“Oh, if you’d rather wait some more,” Huaisang got up from his couch. 

“ _ Wait, wait, wait _ ,” Zixuan grabbed Huaisang by his hips and pulled him back down. “Let’s talk.”

“How is this going to work? We need some sort of game plan. I’m way more okay winging everything but I know you can’t do that, so we have to figure something out that actually works. So are we putting a name on this? Also do you think your mom suspects something? Are we going to keep acting like our friends don’t know? What is going to-” 

“Holy shit, wait,” Zixuan covered Huaisang’s mouth. “Let me process. Rewind, slow down,” he dropped his hand.

“Are we putting a name on this,” Huaisang started over.

“Do you want to?”

“I don’t know,” Huaisang said honestly. “Personally I feel like it feels easier to hide if we don’t, but I can’t explain why. Do you?”

“I guess on the other end of things, yes because it feels easier to know what’s actually happening. Like I think I could just process things better.”

“Then okay,” Huaisang held out his hand, “Boyfriends?”

Zixuan shook his hand and chuckled, “Boyfriends.” They laughed at how ridiculous it was. “Okay,” he continued. “Next question.”

“Do you think your mom suspects something?”

“No,” Zixuan said honestly. “I think she thinks there’s some girl I’m not telling her about if anything.”

“If at any point you decide you’ve had enough of this, just tell me. Okay, like if there  _ is  _ some girl-”

“Huaisang,” Zixuan stopped him. “I can promise you I am wildly uninterested; that won’t be the case. At all.”

“Okay, but... Okay, next question-”

“Wait did you want to talk about it first?” Zixuan asked. “You asked how this was going to work,” he reminded Huaisang. “I think we need to talk. We should be open about this right?” Huaisang nodded. “So what’s wrong?”

“I feel like you’re going to get sick of this.”

“Why?”

Huaisang shrugged, “I don’t know. I’ve  _ been _ thinking that this wasn’t going to last. That you would have gotten your fun out of it and ended it. I wasn’t planning to ever even have this conversation. I didn’t think we could have a conversation. Just,” he sighed. “If you do,  _ or _ you decide you want something new, you want to see how it goes with other people now that you can… sort of? Just... I don’t know, just let me know when you even consider it,” he chewed his lip anxiously waiting for Zixuan to respond. 

He leaned in, tilting Huaisang’s chin and pulling his bottom lip free with his thumb to get Huiasang to stop. He wasn’t going to try and say anything that could invalidate how Huaisang felt about it. He just hoped he could change his mind. He pressed a chaste kiss to his lips, “I’ll let you know,” he confirmed. He made sure Huaisang didn’t have anything else to add before continuing. “Next question?”

“Are we going to pretend that our friends don’t know about this,” Huaisang asked. “Because they literally  _ all  _ know. Even the Freshmen Four. I’m also 98% positive that Wangji does too. Do we have to act like this isn’t a thing around them?”

Zixuan hummed, “Uhm… I mean…?” He shrugged, “I personally don’t want to talk about it around them, but that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I just don’t like attention, but I guess I don’t care? Because they…  _ do  _ know. And I know they wouldn’t say anything to anyone else.”

“They’ve been eyeing us like a hawk,” Huaisang pointed out. “Wuxian making you come with us to go shopping was strictly so he could ditch us, you know that right?”

“I know,” Zixuan chuckled. 

“And if I have to tell Jiang Cheng one more time that I have no idea what he’s talking about when he asks if we worked things out, I might yell. I might  _ actually  _ yell, Zixuan.”

Zixuan smirked, “You don’t have to do that. Say what you want.”

“Thank  _ god _ ,” Huaisang huffed. “I was really going to lose it on him if he rolled his eyes at me  _ one more time _ , Zixuan I swear, he’s driving me insane, I almost blocked him when he sent me the fucking eye emoji just because we went to Lotus Root together after class.”

“Cute,” Zixuan muttered a frustrated Huaisang and all the faces he was making.

“He’s too invested in this, analyzing everything,” Huaisang didn’t hear him. “Like, is there something you fucking  _ need _ ,” he scoffed.

Zixuan laughed, “Okay, okay; next question.”

“Right,” Huaisang sighed heavily, refocusing. “Uhm? Oh, right- what’s going to happen when you move back to Carp Tower? What then?”

“Can we talk about that when it happens?”

“Okay.”

“Can I ask something?”

“Of course,” Huaisang urged him.

“Can we take a step back? And just slow down?” Zixuan fiddled nervously. “We kind of… Skipped a lot of steps. Like we have this secrecy down pat-”

“-though we kind of messed it up around our friends-”

“Yeah, well,” Zixuan laughed. “Besides that. Right now, I don’t see too many issues since I’m not living at Carp Tower. Which is really nice and I definitely want to take advantage of that but… I think if we take advantage of that, we should also just take a step back and slow down. I don’t want to feel like there’s a timer on this.”

“Even though there’s a timer on this.”

“But there doesn’t have to be. We can just… Go back to the drawing table when I have to move back. But only then. I don’t want you to get wrapped up in how  _ that _ will change things… Is that okay?”

Huaisang smiled softly, “That’s okay. We can absolutely do that.”

“Okay,” Zixuan let out a sigh of relief. “That wasn’t  _ so _ bad.”

“We are so bad at confrontation,” Huaisang laughed.

“The worst I think.”

Huaisang thought, “I have one more question though.”

“Shoot.”

“Can we go get something to eat,” Huaisang pushed himself off the couch. “I’m fucking starving.”

Zixuan grinned as Huaisang pulled him to a stand, “Where do you want to go?”


	106. Next Level

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw/ homophobia implied

  
  
  



	107. Jin Ling's Call

“I’m,” Jin Ling hesitated. This part was always the most awkward. “I’m calling timeout!” 

Zizhen paused and turned to Jin Ling. 

They had just been ‘arguing’ over something absolutely ridiculous. 

Zizhen snorted in amusement. Calling timeout in the middle of a fake argument like that was the epitome of ‘ooh you wanna kiss me so bad’. 

“Timeout?”

“Timeout.” Jin Ling pulled Zizhen towards him by his robes. 

Zizhen couldn’t help but smile. He was moments away from laughing. Not because of his personal enjoyment in knowing Jin Ling was shorter than he was now, but just about this whole thing. 

About the fact that he was kissing Jin Ling. That Jin Ling wanted to kiss him in the middle of a fake argument while they were getting ready for bed. That Jin Ling actually called timeout. That Jin Ling had to get on his tippy toes. That Jin Ling was kissing  _ him _ . 

That Jin Ling’s hands were calmly working at loosening Zizhen’s clothes.

He didn’t stop him right away. Why should he? Jin Ling called timeout. When he called timeout, he called all the shots on what happened next. 

Zizhen picked Jin Ling up with ease and sat him on the edge of the raised bed. He stood comfortably between Jin Ling’s legs, hands still resting on Jin Ling’s hips.

Jin Ling sighed at Zizhen’s amused grin. “What?”

Zizhen bit back a sly smile. “What are you doing,” he sang out. 

“I don’t know,” Jin Ling replied truthfully. 

Zizhen hummed.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Zizhen rolled his eyes playfully. “Or what?”

Jin Ling scoffed and looked away. 

Zizhen clasped his hands behind Jin Ling’s lower back. “What do you want me to do?”

“Don’t know. Something.”

Zizhen wiggled obnoxiously until Jin Ling looked at him again. “You have to specify, Rulan. I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

“Mn…” He didn’t like doing that. He didn’t like saying what he wanted. “I don’t know,” he muttered.

Zizhen leaned back in thought. Jin Ling was quick to take Zizhen’s hands as they brushed over his thighs, thinking he was going to step back. 

“Just do  _ something _ ,” Jin Ling said. “I’ll tell you when to stop.”

So that’s how Zizhen found himself under Jin Ling, a complete surprise to him when it happened. 

More of a surprise was Jin Ling refusing to let Zizhen take his hands off of him. 

Jin Ling hated being touched by people. He absolutely hated it. A touch on his hand was worse than a touch on the shoulder. He didn’t like feeling people’s skin against him. 

So this? This was a lot.

It was almost too much, feeling Zizhen’s hand on his waist. 

Jin Ling sat back suddenly, trying to regain some sort of control of himself. 

He looked lost. “Rulan-”

“No, I’m fine,” Jin Ling reassured Zizhen. “Just, uhm,” he inhaled slowly as if catching his breath would clear his head too. “Should you talk to Sizhui and Jingyi?”

“Maybe?” Zizhen paused. “That’s your call. What do you want me to do,” he asked him for the second time that night. 

Jin Ling pressed his lips together. What did he want to happen? Did he want to keep going? And in what direction? How far?

Or did he want to stop?

Jin Ling couldn’t look at Zizhen while he tried to figure it out. He glanced around the room and anxiously straightened the waistband of his pants.

Zizhen could see the inner turmoil Jin Ling was having written clear as day on his face. “Rulan? Do I need to call them?”

“Just-” Jin Ling covered his face with his hands. 

He couldn’t tell if he was hesitating because he didn’t want to keep going or because he didn’t want Zizhen to call Sizhui and Jingyi. 

He felt Zizhen’s hands move on his thighs; he dropped his hands and let out a sigh. “No, no don’t call them.”

“Okay,” he sat up as Jin Ling crawled off of him. Jin Ling grabbed onto him before he had completely rolled off the bed. “Yeah?”

“Nothing, nothing, nevermind,” Jin Ling let him go, pulling his top back on quickly. He still didn’t know how to tell Zizhen what he wanted. He didn’t know how to tell Zizhen that he didn’t want him to walk away this time. 

But this was Zizhen. He faked a pout and draped himself over Jin Ling’s legs dramatically. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

_ Yes. Absolutely yes. _ “Do you have to?” Zizhen’s pout was unwavering. “Fine.”

Zizhen perked up. He didn’t mind either way. But he thought maybe he should give Jin Ling the option. 

Jin Ling really had no idea what he was doing anymore, or why he was doing it with Zizhen, of all people. 

He pulled out his phone to send off a quick text. 

Zizhen curled up beside Jin Ling. “Time in?”

Jin Ling wanted to tell him to wait until they woke up. He didn’t know why. He wanted to hold off on pretending that he never called timeout. He wanted to hold off on pretending that they didn’t kiss. He wanted to hold off on pretending. 

But he was going to keep pretending. He was going to act like he hadn’t considered letting it go further than it did.

“Time in.”

That is, until he talked to Jingyi.


	108. Not Easy

“Wei Wuxian,” Xichen sighed. 

“It’s not that I haven’t been working on it,” he was quick to defend himself. “I promise! I’m just… Behind on that part,” he said slowly. 

Xingchen pursed his lips in thought.

“I picked up more hours at work and just haven’t had the time to focus on it the way I should. I can 100% still do the presentation, it just will  _ not _ be what it should be.”

“Well,” Xichen started. “I suppose I could take a look at your scholarship specifications and see what we can work out?”

“Oh, no, no,” Wuxian shook his head. “You don’t have to do that. I already checked,” he lied. “If I get your approval, I can split my study into two semesters? Because of the content it will not be difficult to justify either. I can do the performance aspect of it  _ this _ semester, and use it as a part of my overall thesis and presentation next semester.”

“Well,” Xingchen looked at Xichen. “I don’t see why not?”

Xichen glanced between the two of them. “Fine-”

“Thank  _ god _ -”

“-Hold on,” Xichen stopped him. “You need to send me everything you have so far,  _ and _ at the end of the semester, by the time of your performance. I need to see some sort of progress on this.”

“ _ Absolutely _ ,” Wuxian pulled out his phone. “I will share the folder with you. You can check it  _ whenever _ you want. I promise I’ve been working on it.”

“Okay,” Xichen nodded.

“Share it with me too,” Xingchen reminded him.

“ _ I’ve arrived _ ,” Song Lan burst through the dance studio doors. He gasped, “Wei Wuxian!”

“Song Lan,” Wuxian turned excitedly. 

“What are you doing here!”

“Lan Zhan told me I was distracting, so I came in here to kill time! What about you?”

“Finished all my paperwork,  _ officially _ ,” Song Lan beamed. “Now I can officially start preparing my coursework for next semester.”

“That’s fantastic Song Lan,” Xichen smiled. 

“You said you were doing some freelance before right,” Wuxian sat down in front of the mirror. “Do you still plan on doing that?”

“Yeah, for a bit at least,” Song Lan sat next to him. 

“He says that now but he’s going to try and hold onto both,” Xingchen announced, walking back over to the corner where his phone was plugged in. “[I’m pressing play](https://open.spotify.com/track/0ZTJrZ1axCUmP1fiFzyabF?si=1a7edbc95b9048f1),” he added. 

“Press it,” Song Lan replied. 

Xingchen smirked and started the music for whatever he and Xichen were working on. 

“Hey, question,” Wuxian said after a few moments of watching the two dance. 

“Answer; maybe.”

“Did you ever get to see Lan Zhan dance?”

“Wangji? Dance?” Song Lan chuckled. “I wish, but no. Mianmian introduced me to Xichen a year or so after Wangji broke his ankle.”

“Ah,” Wuxian pouted. 

“Why?”

“Just wondering if you had any videos.”

“Have you asked Wangji?”

“No, no, no,” Wuxian shook his head. “No. I’m not going to press. I was just curious. Sizhui said he was good.”

“That’s what Xingchen told me,” he shrugged. “He’d rather make music than dance to it though.”

“Mn,” Wuxian nodded. “I’d dance to his music.”

Song Lan glanced at Wuxian as Wangji walked in. 

Wuxian smiled excitedly, “Bye Song Lan! I’ll talk to you later!” He skipped up to Wangji. “All set?”

“Mhm,” he held the door open for him. “Did they say it was okay?”

“They did! But now I need to work harder,” Wuxian sighed.

“But you don’t have to rush,” Wangji pointed out. “Maybe you can do some of it between semesters. You won’t have any other classes to worry about.” 

“That’s a good point,” Wuxian hummed. “But if we go on our ghost road trip…”

“You said you weren’t sure you could take that much time off from Lotus Root,” Wuxian reminded him. 

“I can do a week!”

“We need far more than seven days, Wei Ying,” Wangji chuckled.

“I like a challenge.”

Wangji unlocked his car as they walked up to it. “When would you sleep?”

“I simply  _ wouldn’t _ ,” Wuxian hopped in. “As my mental state weakens, the easier it gets for the demons to possess me. Wouldn’t that be exciting?”

Wangji stared at him. 

“I’m  _ kidding _ ,” Wuxian nudged him. 

“I don’t think that you are,” Wangji started the car. 

“Okay, I’m partially kidding,” Wuxian buckled himself in.

Wangji checked the time as he backed out of his parking spot. He was cutting it close, but Wuxian would still make it to work on time. “What are you doing to celebrate Tuesday tomorrow?”

“Frankly I was going to take a nap,” Wuxian admitted. “Why, did you have any suggestions?”

Wangji shrugged and shook his head. “No. A nap sounds nice.”

“Wanna nap with me,” Wuxian leaned towards him. 

Wangji smirked, “Not this time, Wei Ying.”

“Okay so next time,” Wuxian sat back. 

“Another time,” Wangji corrected. 

“Which could be next time,” Wuxian pointed out. 

“I don’t nap, but maybe.”

“ _ You don’t nap _ ? Like ever?”

“Not enough to tell you the last time I have,” Wangji replied. “If you don’t count when I am feeling sick.”

Wuxian tsked, “You Lans… I don’t know how you get through life.”

“It’s not easy.”

“I’ll say! How can you not take a nap? Don’t you ever need one?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, well, maybe you should celebrate Thursday with a nap sometime,” Wuxian suggested. “What a way to end your week, right?”

“It could be nice,” Wangji admitted. 

“Well if you ever want to have a napover, know that I am always available!”

“Good to know.”

To his complete dismay, Jingyi was sitting with Wangji when he walked into Lotus Root, and Zixuan was at the front counter laughing with Wuxian about something. 

Jin Ling barely glanced at Jingyi and Wangji as he walked by. 

He didn’t bother stopping at the counter but instead walked around and started making his tea the way he liked to make it. 

“Hey to you too,” Wuxian snorted, sliding Zixuan a second cup, “Honey citrus.”

“Did you get your keys from Guangyao,” Zixuan asked Jin Ling.

Something was wrong with Guangyao’s car, as usual, so he had been borrowing Jin Ling’s car when he needed it. “I did. I don’t understand why his car keeps getting fucked up. Isn’t it brand new?”

“Has anyone considered maybe it’s Zixun,” Wuxian joked. 

Jin Ling and Zixuan didn’t reply right away.

“Your silence is concerning.”

“Zixun is concerning,” Jin Ling replied. “I really wouldn’t put it past him.”

“It feels like a dramatic assumption,” Zixuan admitted, “But the car is new…”

“What was it this time,” Wuxian asked. 

“Just wouldn’t start,” Jin Ling leaned against the counter. “He should just buy a new one. Maybe it is just the car. Doesn’t he have his other car still?”

“No,” Zixuan replied. “He got rid of that a while ago.”

“Clearly I don’t pay attention,” Jin Ling huffed and passed Wuxian his card for the tea. 

Wuxian swiped his card and passed it back. 

Jin Ling glanced at the screen, “Put what you want for a tip.”

Zixuan laughed, “Don’t tell him that.”

“I will put one hundred,” Wuxian held his finger over the screen as a final warning. 

“Go ahead,” Jin Ling shrugged. 

Wuxian grumbled, “I hate rich people,” he put it in anyways. He printed the receipt.

“I don’t need that.”

“No but I do,” Wuxian wrote a note on it. “I’m not going to have them think I messed up when they look at the report tomorrow.” Wuxian’s phone started ringing. “Wow,” he showed Jin Ling who was calling. 

“Have fun with that,” Jin Ling walked away. 

“Wen Qing,” Wuxian put the phone on speaker so he could keep writing. 

“I think you overcharged someone.”

Zixuan laughed and followed Jin Ling. 

“It was Jin Ling,” Wuxian replied. 

“Then charge more next time,” Zixuan heard Wen Qing’s voice as he walked away. 

“Well,” Jingyi was standing up, “I’ll see you later,” he said to Wangji. “Gotta go,” he met Jin Ling by the front door and left.

“Do you have the day off,” Zixuan asked Wangji. “You’re usually in the library around now. That’s what Wuxian usually says anyways.”

“Mn. My shift was pushed back,” Wangji stood up to head out as well. 

“Bye Lan Zhan,” Wuxian yelled across the space though he was still on the phone with Wen Qing. 

Wangji waved and held the door open for Zixuan who had his hands full with two cups. “Oh, I meant to ask you after class this morning but a few of us are going out Wednesday if you want to come.”

“Where are you going?”


	109. Jin Ling

“How do you think you did on the test,” Jingyi asked Jin Ling as they drove up the path to the lookout. 

Jingyi had suggested they go there to talk. Mostly because he hadn’t been up there in forever. 

He also assumed that Jin Ling absolutely didn’t want anyone around them. And well, if they were at the lookout, it didn’t matter if people were around. It wouldn’t be weird that they were staying in the car; most people did.

“Easy enough,” Jin Ling shrugged. “I only studied for a bit though.”

“Yeah, I didn’t study,” Jingyi unbuckled himself as they pulled up. Since no one else was around in the middle of the day, he rolled his window down before Jin Ling turned the car off. 

“Of course you didn’t,” Jin Ling pushed his seat back and repositioned himself to sit on one leg. “What were you ‘ _ working on _ ’ last night?”

“That is between me and the person paying me,” he sipped on his iced tea.

“You’re getting paid?”

“Well. I will. When I’m done.”

“How do you know they’ll actually pay you then?”

Jingyi mirrored the way Jin Ling was sitting and faced him properly. “Because it’s Zixuan.”

Jin Ling narrowed his eyes. “And what if I pay you to tell me?”

“You want to know that bad?”

“Yeah?”

Jingyi considered it for a brief moment. “Zixuan can buy my silence.”

Jin Ling snorted. “It has to do with Carp Tower doesn’t it?” Jingyi sipped his tea again without a word. “Good to know.”

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“Who would I even tell,” Jin Ling chuckled, “Zixuan?”

“Whatever, whatever,” Jingyi waved his hand. “So what’s up?”

Jin Ling sighed. 

“... Changed your mind?”

Did he? It sure would be easier to just not talk to Jingyi about anything. It was easier but he still felt like it was the wrong direction to head in. “No,” Jin Ling fiddled with the lid on his cup. “Well… No,” he glanced out the window. He sighed again, “Well this is suckier than I thought…”

“Take your time-”

“-don’t make fun of me.”

“I’m not,” Jingyi looked out his own window. He wasn’t. Jin Ling looked wildly uncomfortable. Jingyi knew that Jin Ling was not accustomed to talking things out. Ever. About anything at all. It was hard enough to get him to talk about his own interests. 

_ “We don’t talk about trivial things in Carp Tower _ , _ ” _ he had told Jingyi once. 

_ “Feelings aren’t trivial _ , _ ”  _ Jingyi had replied. 

“I know Zizhen told you about things…”

“Vague.”

Jin Ling shot him an annoyed look. He could only bring himself to say so much. 

“Sorry,” Jingyi sighed. “Yeah, he has. He didn’t want to though,” Jingyi assured him.

“I know,” Jin Ling nodded. “He told me after he talked to you.”

“He felt really bad breaking his pinky promise.”

“I know. I thought I’d care. I don’t. ”

“But?”

“But it does bother me that I don’t know what Zizhen has told you.”

“I mean,” Jingyi hesitated and looked before him, as if he was searching for what was the correct response here. “He didn’t really tell us that much.”

Jin Ling pressed his lips together. That could be anything. 

“That you kissed a few times,” Jingyi started listing off in response to Jin Ling’s silence. “That if you asked, he would again,” Jingyi shrugged. 

“That’s it?”

“And just that he pinky promised to not say anything about what you were doing… But uhm,” Jingyi paused. “Y’know, we actually talked about this back when we thought you liked Sizhui.”

“Zizhen told me that too,” Jin Ling nodded. 

“There’s this,” Jingyi sighed. “There’s this  _ line _ ,” he made an imaginary line with his hand. “Zizhen doesn’t have to say anything until you get to that line. You guys get to that line and Zizhen has to tell us after. You’re about to cross that line and he has to talk to us first.”

It wasn’t hard to figure out where that line was, “Mn.”

“We’re not…  _ Dating _ , dating right now. But that line changes when Zizhen comes back.”

Jin Ling glanced at Jingyi. He’s known him long enough to know when Jingyi wasn’t happy about something. “You don’t like this.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“You don’t have to.”

“That’s really not the point.”

Jin Ling rolled his eyes.

“Why are we talking about this Jin Ling? I’m trying to help you figure things out; whatever you need to talk about, let’s talk about it. My opinion doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does,” Jin Ling frowned. “That’s  _ why _ I wanted to talk. I wanted to know where  _ you’re _ at with this. I don’t want to hear about it through Zizhen. He told me you guys talked and that you’re both okay with it. But I want to hear it from  _ you _ . I want to know what you’re thinking.”

“Why? Why would you want my opinion? You’re better off getting it from Sizhui. You should talk to him instead if that’s what you want,” Jingyi replied. 

“Well that comment alone tells me everything I need to know about Sizhui’s thoughts on it. Which is even more reason for me to talk to  _ you _ .”

Jingyi knew he was getting too annoyed too fast. But he wasn’t surprised. He’s been increasingly bitter with each passing day since the Wen Chao incident. He’s done his best to not let it out on anyone but… If there was anyone to pull it out of him, it was going to be Jin Ling. “Do you  _ want _ me to tell you to stop what you’re doing with Zizhen? Because I’m not going to.”

“Why not? If I were you I’d be pissed off!”

“I am. Because it’s not fucking fair, Jin Ling. The situation sucks. I’m not upset with him for feeling paranoid. I’m not upset with Sizhui for trying to go with the flow. I’m not even upset with you for… for learning about yourself with Zizhen. He  _ wants _ to be that person. I just… I think I’m allowed to be jealous that  _ you _ get to do whatever you want with him, and I can’t,” Jingyi rolled his eyes at himself. “I know I don’t get a say though. We aren’t dating.”

“But you do get a say,” Jin Ling countered. “He wants things back to normal. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s fucking things up,” Jin Ling relayed to him.

“I know, but-”

“Zizhen still wanted to draw a line with your input,” Jin Ling hesitated. “He was going to call you last night. If I didn’t want to stop,” he was moments away from leaving Jingyi his car and just walking back to campus; he was so uncomfortable. “I asked him if he should talk to you guys first; I don’t know what you’ve agreed on… He told me it was up to me. But if I didn’t want to stop, he was going to call you guys. He still  _ wants _ you to have a say, Jingyi…”

Jingyi didn’t reply. He knew Jin Ling was right but that didn’t mean that he felt hopeful about the situation right now.

“When Zizhen said he might have to call you guys,” Jin Ling continued, “it occurred to me that I did not know how you guys  _ actually _ felt about this. I only knew what I was hearing from Zizhen. And I’m not saying I don’t think he would tell me what I needed to know, but…”

“It’s different from having the conversation yourself.”

“Yeah... “ He sighed. “Zizhen and I have an agreement. We pretend nothing has changed, until I call timeout.”

“Timeout?”

“Timeout.”

“Then what?”

Jin Ling shrugged, “I call the shots. I do what I want, or I tell him what I want him to do. He makes me tell him.”

“You must hate that.”

Jin Ling snorted. “I do.”

“So when do you stop?”

“Call a time in?”

“Sure,” Jingyi shrugged. He didn’t know what they called it.

Jin Ling hummed. “Depends. But we also agreed that if I wanted to stop this, I just never call a timeout again. But if he wanted to, he had to tell me, timeout or not, that the agreement was over.”

“So is this timeout then? You talking to me?”

“I guess unofficially. I just need to know what  _ you  _ want me to do. Do you want me to stop? Because I will. I need you to tell me if I’m never calling a timeout again.”

Jingyi considered it for a moment. “What do you want?”

“My opinion doesn’t matter.”

“I’m upset with the  _ overall _ situation, because it’s not how I hoped it would be. And I’m jealous, but you don’t need to stop,” Jingyi said. “If things were normal with the beans I wouldn’t stop it. Sizhui thinks it’s exciting. Zizhen too.”

“Exciting?”

“Sizhui was excited about your crush on him. He thought it was cute, for starters,” Jingyi pointed out. “He couldn’t stop talking about the idea of you liking Zizhen... Do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Like Zizhen?”

“Maybe, yeah,” he was quiet.

“And Sizhui?”

Jin Ling looked down at his hands and nodded. “I’m not, uh… I’m not trying to worm my way in or take them or anything… I’m not trying to do anything. I’m just…”

“Curious?”

“I guess. I like girls,” he was quick to add.

“... And guys.”

“...Yeah.”

Jingyi smiled, “Nothing wrong with that.”

“... Can you tell me if you change your mind? I really don’t want to make anything worse. I don’t want you to be upset.”

“I’ll tell you if it changes. I just want to kiss Zizhen y’know? I’m jealous,” he shrugged. “Of both of you I guess.”

Jin Ling looked at Jingyi in surprise. 

“Oh to be Sizhui and Zizhen, right? They have  _ three _ guys who want their attention,” Jingyi joked. 

“So do you,” Jin Ling muttered. 

Jingyi blinked. 

“I’m a mess,” Jin Ling muttered to himself, looking out the window. Still no one around, thankfully. Even if they couldn’t hear their conversation, he was so wildly uncomfortable talking about himself he would not be able to handle another person in the general vicinity.

“... Exactly  _ how _ curious are you?” He leaned against the armrest console.

“Pretty curious,” Jin Ling dropped back against the headrest and looked at Jingyi. 

Jingyi hummed. 

“I know I like guys, because I’ve had crushes and shit but Zizhen is obviously the only one I…” He sighed. “I think it’s in my head sometimes, that I like guys… But then at the same time, it’s definitely not,” he said with his eyes a little wide. 

Jingyi thought quickly, “So, this is timeout?” 

“...” Jin Ling could say ‘no’ if he wanted to… “It is,” he said instead. 

“Like… A  _ full _ timeout? Or…”

Another chance to say ‘no’ to Jingyi. He glanced down at Jingyi’s hand. “...It can be.”

Jingyi followed his eyes. 

Jingyi cautiously let his fingers brush over Jin Ling’s; his unconsciously reaching and following Jingyi’s touch. “And Zizhen let’s you call the shots?”

“Uh huh… Y-you can call them if you want,” Jin Ling replied, looking at their entwined hands now. He hadn’t considered kissing Jingyi until that moment. Cuddling? Yes. Kissing? 

Never. 

Until Jingyi cupped his cheek and leaned in. And it was the  _ only _ thing he could think of. 

It felt like years, ages even, before Jin Ling felt Jingyi’s lips on his own.

Why the fuck had he never considered this before? 

Jingyi had barely pulled away and Jin Ling was already leaning forward, chasing him. Jingyi ran his thumb over Jin Ling’s bottom lip. “I know it’s easier to call a timeout with Zizhen. But you can with me too,” he said quietly. 

“Okay, timeout,” Jin Ling rushed to say. 

They heard the sound of tires rolling over the path.

They had barely pulled a part and Jingyi already had his phone and his iced tea in his hand. “You have to look natural Rulan,” Jingyi pointed out, his eyes trained on his phone as he took a sip of his tea. 

Jin Ling rolled his eyes and slouched, grabbing his tea as a second car pulled into view. He glanced back at Jingyi who had already repositioned himself. 

Jin Ling watched his fingers as he texted. He didn’t need to check to know he was already texting his boyfriends. Jin Ling pulled his own phone out. “Time in,” he muttered. 

Jingyi leaned forward and clicked the car keys forward so the radio would turn on. He smirked to himself. 

ooh sizhui maaaad

jealous

**[IMPORTANT A/N: It occurred to me while I was writing these freshmen 4 scenes that we aren’t picturing the same Jin Ling. I know most ppl tend to Not picture CQL JL & neither do I. But I am picturing SOMEONE. I didn’t think of doing this until now but I spent an hour face morphing to make someone who was close to who I imagine when I am writing; this was as close as I could get to him. This is the Jin Ling. Seeing as we are close to the end, going forward his pfp will remain the same. However, despite any additions to this universe his pfp will likely be updated to this picture, despite where the story takes place in relation to this one. If there are group pictures with JL, obviously I cannot change those.**

**Enjoy picturing him tagging along w/ the beans, being a pain in JC’s neck, sucking up to Yanli, and looking up to Zixuan (which he’d never admit to). Happy reading!!**

****


	110. Jealous Sizhui is Jealous

Sizhui was jealous. 

Of course he was.

He was the one who suggested doing _anything_ with Jin Ling in the first place, and now he was the only one who hadn’t kissed him yet. How was that fair?

He suggested including Jin Ling before any of them even developed a crush on him. 

It was just for fun, not necessarily into their relationship. 

Jingyi had laughed at first. “Sizhui, just because he has a crush on you doesn’t mean he’ll ever have one for _us_.”

“But imagine how _fun_ ,” Sizhui had said. “It would be cute too!”

“Jin Ling is too uptight to ever consider something like that,” Zizhen had pointed out. 

“Do _you_ have a crush on him,” Jingyi had asked. 

Sizhui had made a face and shrugged, “On the one hand it’s Jin Ling. And on the other-”

“It’s Jin Ling,” Zizhen had offered. 

“Yeah.” He shrugged, “Not really, I guess? I don’t know. Doesn’t really matter. But what a concept...”

Sizhui didn’t have a crush on him at first. Not when he found out about Jin Ling’s crush on him. Not when he suggested the idea to his boyfriends.

Obviously that changed.

It wasn’t the same as it was with Jingyi and Zizhen. But it was there.

So imagine his frustration after the long conversations he had initiated about Jin Ling, only for Jin Ling to go and kiss everyone _but_ him.

Sizhui was jealous. 

Jin Ling was completely oblivious. 

Sizhui understood what was going on in their lecture but he straightened his back and raised his hand anyways. 

“Lan Sizhui?”

“I was wondering about-”

Zizhen glanced over his shoulder at Sizhui. Just before class Sizhui had been explaining this _exact_ thing to him. Why was he asking for a deeper explanation?

Sizhui kept his eyes trained on the front while Jin Ling wrote down everything their professor said. They had the routine down pat.

But Sizhui didn’t need the notes. He needed an excuse.

Class was a few minutes away from wrapping up. 

When the professor had moved on, Sizhui angled himself towards Jin Ling and leaned in. 

For the notes of course…

Jin Ling glanced from where Sizhui’s knee rested against his own, to Sizhui leaning over to copy down Jin Ling’s notes. 

Jin Ling pressed his lips together nervously, turning his notebook for Sizhui. 

It wasn’t the first time Sizhui has sat this close to Jin Ling at the end of a class to copy down some notes. It shouldn’t have been a big deal that Sizhui had brushed up against him, because it never was before. 

At least, he never thought Sizhui intentionally did it. 

And he didn’t think it was intentional now, even though it was. 

He focused back to the front of the room though he had no idea what the professor was saying. He was hyper aware of Sizhui’s knee against his, everything with Jingyi and Zizhen rapidly going through his head. 

Just because Sizhui knew everything didn’t mean this was on purpose. It didn’t mean anything. It’s so miniscule compared to the things that Sizhui could have been doing that he silently scolded himself for even entertaining the idea that Sizhui was purposely doing this. 

Jin Ling kept telling himself that this was nothing.

Sizhui took his time copying the notes as the professor dismissed the class. 

Zizhen walked by Wang Lingjiao, ignoring the look she gave him as she passed by. He shot her a nasty look right back as she went down the steps. 

He pulled a chair from the row before Sizhui’s and Jin Ling’s and sat in front of them. He folded his arms and put his head down. “That felt exceptionally boring today…”

“Did you take any notes,” Jin Ling asked. 

“I wrote 5 lines, I’ll have you know,” Zizhen said proudly, straightening back up. Since he had gotten ahead on his readings and teaching himself, the most he’ll do in class is revise something or add something that he missed or didn’t think was important. 

“More than last week,” Jin Ling stated, his eyes flicking over to the corner of the room near the front door. He frowned. 

“What,” Zizhen glanced in the same direction.

Jin Ling shook his head. He could’ve sworn he just saw someone standing there. “Nothing.”

“Hm,” Zizhen looked back at his friends. “Wanna go get something to eat? Eat in the quad?”

Sizhui gasped excitedly, his hand brushing over Jin Ling’s thigh unconsciously, “Yes! It’s so nice outside!!”

the creep 

teasing sizhui 

jingYEET business 

he was 

you KNOW zixuan was laughing in his car reading this mess. HE WANTS TO SMOOCH HIM SO BAD 


	111. Wangji Makes Friends

Wen Ning was actually quite surprised when Zixuan said Wangji was going out for noodles and drinks with them. Especially since Wuxian was not going.

“He knows Wuxian isn’t going right,” Jiang Cheng asked.

“That’s what Zixuan said,” Wen Ning nodded. 

“And Wuxian knows he’s going and still isn’t coming?”

Wen Qing rolled her window up, “He said he needed to work on a paper for Mianmian’s class.”

Mianmian was not surprised at all to hear that Wuxian passed on coming to work on his assignment. He had been telling her he hadn’t started it yet. He was beginning to have a hard time staying focused on his studies for some reason. “Well it better not be late,” she joked. “It’s due tonight.”

“Personally I do my best work last minute,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

“Eh.. Debatable,” Zixuan muttered to Mianmian. Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes.

“I do too,” Wangji spoke up quietly, having finished his food quite fast so he could talk with the rest. 

Wen Ning pursed his lips. “Are you sure? You seem like you start assignments the moment they’re given.”

Wangji chuckled, “No. Not at all. If it doesn’t have to do with music or literature, I usually don’t touch it until the day it’s due. If I can push it off that long. If I did badly, maybe I would stop procrastinating. But I don’t.”

“ _ Exactly _ ,” Jiang Cheng pointed. “I have no reason to believe that procrastinating is bad when my best grades come from it.”

Wen Ning replied, “I have too much work to consider procrastinating on purpose. I’m just constantly working on something.”

“He read in the car,” Wen Qing confirmed. 

“Next semester is going to be so nice,” Wen Ning relaxed his shoulders. 

Jiang Cheng turned to Wangji, “He’s been piling on the classes like crazy. You’d think it was some competition the way he and Huaisang fill their schedule.”

“Last semester was the worst,” Wen Ning replied. “I had to get it signed off that I could take on all those credits.”

Wangji understood perfectly, “I did that sophomore year.”

“Both semesters,” Wen Qing asked. 

“Mhm.”

“Then you definitely beat Wen Ning for most credits,” Jiang Cheng said. 

“Does anyone actually keep track of how many credits they have?” Zixuan looked up to see Mianmian and Wen Qing looking at him. “What?”

“Besides you, you mean,” Mianmian said. 

“I just know that I have nine classes left for my graduation requirements,” Jiang Cheng sighed. “Next year is going to suck.”

Wangji thought for a moment. “Nine? Will some of them not conflict with each other?”

“Oh they will,” Jiang Cheng nodded. “My advisor told me some classes filled my requirements but they didn’t. He just  _ thought _ they should have. I have to wait for them to announce courses before I can figure out what to do.”

“Ah,” Wangji nodded. 

“I can get you that early,” Mianmian announced. “As soon as I see it floating around the office I’ll send you it.”

“Bless  _ you _ ,” Jiang Cheng pointed his chopsticks at her. 

“If there is a lot of conflict, Xichen might be able to help,” Wangji added.

“Oh that’s true,” Mianmian nodded. “He’s really good at bending the rules.”

“Lan Xichen,” Wen Qing asked for clarification. “Bending the rules?”

Wangji snorted. “He’s very persuasive. Uncle has a hard time saying ‘no’ to him.”

“He’s too calm,” Mianmian said. “You can’t help but start agreeing with him the longer he talks.”

Zixuan leaned back in his seat in thought. “Huh…”

“What,” Wen Ning asked.

“Nothing,” Zixuan shook his head. “That’s just… Just never thought about it, but it’s true.”

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes, “Do you even know him outside of class and family business?”

“Yes,” Zixuan scoffed. “He’s friends with Mingjue-”

“-And Guangyao,” Wen Ning added for him. 

“Right,” Zixuan nodded. “I’ve seen him with both of them enough.”

“Guangyao and Mingjue argue over the stupidest things,” Wangji spoke up. 

“Not surprised Xichen is a mediator in that friendship,” Wen Qing laughed. 

“You have no idea,” Zixuan and Wangji said at the same time. 

Jiang Cheng hummed, “Does Guangyao even  _ argue _ ? Like does he get yell-y? Does he yell?”

Wen Qing reached over and slid Jiang Cheng’s cup away from him. “No more for you.”

Jiang Cheng huffed and rolled his eyes. 

“He’s just really fucking condescending,” Zixuan replied. 

“That’s everyone at Carp Tower,” Wen Qing said. 

“Sure is,” Mianmian sighed. 

“Not everyone,” Wangji disagreed. 

ok but zixuan and wangji are friends


	112. Stargazing, sorta

They didn’t talk. In fact both of them had their earbuds in. While Sizhui was listening to music that would make him sleepy, Jin Ling listened to music to keep himself feeling awake. 

Eventually Sizhui glanced over from where he was lying on the grass and laughed. “You look exhausted.” 

Jin Ling opened his eyes and pulled his earbud out. “Huh?”

“You look like you’re falling asleep.”

“Oh, no I’m fine,” Jin Ling sat up on the bench he had been lying on. “I accidentally took a long nap after class today so I’m not really that tired.”

“Mn, so did I,” Sizhui nodded. He placed his phone on the ground beside him. “I wish I could walk around and sit outside at night when I can’t sleep back home. It would be nice to just watch the sky.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Curfew,” Sizhui replied. “Sitting outside on the grass to watch some stars is not enough reason to break both curfews.”

“Ah.”

“But it should be. I mean look at that,” he motioned to the sky. 

Jin Ling had a tree over him from where he was on the bench. He got up and laid down beside Sizhui. “Hmph… It’s pretty. It’s hard to see stars at Carp Tower.”

“Is it?”

“Too many lights,” Jin Ling nodded. “Though I suppose the closer you get to the outskirts of Lanling you can see more out there.”

“You should go with some friends after this semester,” Sizhui suggested. “Go  _ stargazing _ ,” he was excited just talking about it. 

Jin Ling snorted, “I don’t have friends in Lanling.”

“Not even from school?”

“I was little,” Jin Ling replied. “I’ve been going to school in GCR for half my life at this point.”

“Well in that case, move.”

“Just to see stars?”

“With friends,” Sizhui added. 

“Mn. I don’t think my mom would take that well. I’m not as persuasive as Zixuan is.”

“But you’re not going to live there forever are you?”

“Uhm,” Jin Ling paused. “That depends. I’m not really on track to give them reason to think I deserve to live there.”

“... Sorry, what? Do you have to earn a place to live there?”

“Yeah. The only thing I lose is a place to stay. And I guess being invited to certain functions. I don’t lose  _ too _ much of the family money.”

“Maybe for the best though? It doesn’t sound too fun living there anyways,” Sizhui said cautiously. He wasn’t sure if Jin Ling was only acting like he didn’t care.

“It’s not. Everything is superficial. You’re constantly competing with every single family member. The point is to come out on top. Especially with all my cousins, since most of us are still trying to build up that reputation. But you can’t come out on top when Zixuan is already there.”

Sizhui hummed. “So who’s  _ actually  _ on top?”

Jin Ling blinked. “With people? Still Zixuan. Business wise? Guangyao, though Zixuan is  _ right _ there, y’know? Three of my cousins have moved out since I was six. Zixun is definitely on the bottom,” Jin Ling snorted. “If you’re not an athlete or a musician you have to get creative,” he added. “You learn to network  _ fast _ .”

“I didn’t realize it was like that there,” Sizhui admitted.

“Oh it’s  _ ugly _ . If you don’t contribute to the Jin name  _ enough _ , then you’re out. Not  _ out _ out, but out of Carp Tower.”

“Sounds tiring.”

“It is… Do you get tired with all your rules though?”

“... Some of them,”’ he sighed. “But a lot of older ones have been amended.”

“Have  _ you  _ ever considered moving?”

“A few times. Jingyi wants to leave though.”

“Cloud Recesses?”

“Gusu,” Sizhui replied. “He absolutely does not want to be here anymore. He’s not from Cloud Recesses anyway.”

“... He’s not?”

“He’s not even from Gusu.”

“He’s  _ not _ ?”


	113. No Expectations

Wangji walked right into their apartment and was immediately greeted by a drunk Jiang Cheng. “Wangji!”

“Hi Jiang Cheng,” Wangji placed his keys on the counter. 

“Wuxian is in a bad mood, I wouldn’t go in there,” he motioned to Wuxian’s room with the hand that held an obnoxiously full cup of water. “Oh shit,” he laughed, spilling water everywhere. 

Wangji reached out and took the glass from his hand. “I can carry this. Where are you heading?”

“Bed!”

“Okay,” Wangji followed Jiang Cheng as he stumbled. “Why don’t you have some of this before you get in,” Wangji suggested. Something told Wangji that Jiang Cheng would definitely spill his water all over his sheets if he didn’t.

Jiang Cheng kept talking, about who knows, but he complied before handing the cup back to Wangji. 

He placed it carefully beside the bed. “Isn’t that funny though,” Jiang Cheng asked, heavily falling into his blankets. 

“Sure is,” Wangji hummed. He let him talk some more because he didn’t want to seem rude but when he found an opening he took it, “Do you want the light off?”

“Yes, please!”

“Okay,” he flipped it off. “Night Jiang Cheng.”

“Night! Careful, Wuxian is grumpy,” Jiang Cheng added before the door fully closed. 

Wangji knocked quietly before opening Wuxian’s door. 

Wuxian’s brow was furrowed, a seemingly permanent pout on his face as he colored. “You’re coloring,” Wangji closed the door behind him.

“Mn,” he furiously colored a picture of a bear. “Jiang Cheng handed it to me and locked me in here.”

“I see he remembered to leave you more alcohol,” Wangji motioned to the bottle of rosé between Wuxian’s folded legs. 

“It’s all we had in the apartment,” Wuxian mumbled.

Wangji sat across from him. “Are you okay?”

“Pissed.”

“Want to tell me what happened?”

“Jiang Cheng answered her call while we were at the bar. I don’t know if you saw him out there but he had way more to drink than I did,” Wuxian kept coloring. “All I had was  _ half _ of one drink when we first got there because I was driving us home later.”

“He didn’t seem upset about anything.”

“No, because she took it out on me. After a while she asked if I was there and had him hand the phone to me and I didn’t know it was her,” Wuxian switched crayons. “Otherwise,” he scoffed. “I wouldn’t have taken the phone.”

“She was mad he was drunk?”

“Furious,” Wuxian corrected. “She was furious. She was embarrassed for him and  _ of  _ him for being so drunk in public. And how  _ dare _ I let him behave like this? How  _ dare _ I ‘encourage’ him to act like an idiot? Just how  _ dare  _ I. She spouted all this shit about how I’m an awful influence on her children and,” he stopped himself. “Whatever....” 

Wangji watched him drink from the bottle. 

“Pick a color,” he mumbled. 

Wangji pointed to a sparkly blue crayon. 

“She was even  _ more _ pissed to know that I wasn’t even drunk with him. Like???”

“The way she talks to you is really horrible…”

“I could’ve just hung up,” Wuxian grumbled, using the crayon Wangji picked out. “But I froze up. I wanted to defend myself but she wouldn’t let me get a word out.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Wangji pointed out.

“I know, but,” Wuxian sighed heavily. 

Wangji grabbed his hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated. 

Wuxian looked at his hand. “Mn… I’m just upset.”

Wangji angled his head to try and get Wuxian to look at him again. “You’re allowed to be upset. What do you want to do?”

Wuxian looked up, “Hm?”

“How do you want to be upset? Do you want to color and drink? Do you want to watch our ghost show? Keep talking? Bake? Go for a drive?”

Wuxian pouted. He was seconds away from crying from the question along “... I just want to go to sleep,” he replied quietly and honestly. 

“We can do that,” Wangji started dropping the crayons into their box.

“We?”

“I’ll stay for a while.”

Wuxian watched him pick up. “Does this count as a napover?”

“No,” Wangji got up with the crayons and the coloring book in his hands. “We will have a real napover. I promise.” Wangji leaned over and took the bottle from Wuxian’s hands and placed it on his desk. 

Wuxian sighed tiredly and fell back into his pillows. 

Wangji took a moment to crawl into Wuxian’s bed; he needed to set an alarm to ensure he’d make it back home before his uncle woke up.

Wangji settled down on his side next to Wuxian. 

Madam Yu was awful to Wuxian. He hated to see how her words impacted Wuxian. 

He didn’t like that Wuxian, who surrounded himself with music, who thrived off of background noise, was sitting in silence. 

He didn’t like that Wuxian stared at the ceiling, emotionless. 

Wangji reached out, just with one finger. 

Feeling the soft poke on his shoulder, Wuxian turned to look at Wangji. 

Wuxian felt bad for being in such an awful mood when Wangji was right there. He felt like he needed to be bubbly and excited. 

He turned on his side to face Wangji.

Wangji moved closer. 

He wanted to apologize for being like this but before he could even open his mouth Wangji reached out and brushed Wuxian’s hair over his shoulder and cupped his cheek. 

It was brief. But it was long enough for Wuxian to know that Wangji didn’t need it.

Wuxian didn’t feel like he needed to pretend  _ or _ apologize. 

Wangji didn’t have any expectations and Wuxian was grateful for it. 

“Goodnight, Wei Ying.”

“Goodnight, Lan Zhan.”


	114. Timeout?

Zizhen was folding his laundry while Jin Ling was doing his philosophy reading at his desk. Zizhen had purposely done an extra load of laundry just to avoid the reading. “Why don’t you just summarize for me,” he asked. 

“No,” Jin Ling replied, turning the page. “You wouldn’t be able to write your response if I did.”

“I can try.”

“Read it yourself, then we can talk about what it’s saying.”

Zizhen huffed. 

Jin Ling finished the page and leaned back in his chair as far back as he could so he could lean against the side of his bed. He used his knee to keep himself from rocking forward. “It’s not that long.”

“He said it was the longest reading,” Zizhen countered. 

“Okay, but it’s not as painful as the last one,” Jin Ling took a sip of his coffee. 

“They’re all painful,” Zizhen mumbled. 

Jin Ling hummed. 

He watched Zizhen move around his side of the room. 

“... Timeout,” he said quietly over his cup.

Zizhen turned around in shock. “Timeout?”

“I think so?”

“You  _ think _ so?” Zizhen finished putting his laundry away. “What do you mean you  _ think _ ?”

“I want to ask you something.”

“Okay. Go ahead,” he leaned against Jin Ling’s desk. 

“Is Sizhui doing something?”

“I don’t know what you mean?”

Jin Ling stared. 

“Okay,  _ fine _ -”

Jin Ling took another sip of his coffee and watched Zizhen carefully. 

“For the record he’s been flirting with you for a long time-”

“-Yeah, I know-”

“-You do?” 

“Yeah, I’ve figured that out by now,” Jin Ling pointed out. “So what is his motive here?”

“Okay listen-”

“-I’m trying but you aren’t saying anything.”

“Maybe you should ask Sizhui? I’m pretty sure he’ll tell you.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Jin Ling agreed. “But something tells me that if I ask him he’s going to be upset?”

“... Considering how frustrated he is, yeah probably,” Zizhen laughed. 

“He’s frustrated? With me?”

“Yeah because you kissed Jingyi and not him. He said he was going to kick his occasional flirting up a notch... He wants you to kiss him.”

“So he’s jealous that I haven’t kissed him?”

“I watched him literally turn down kisses from Jingyi yesterday because he was so annoyed that you still haven’t. Let me tell you, the pout is  _ intense _ .”

“Oh…”

“Do you want to kiss him,” Zizhen asked.

“Sizhui is scary,” Jin Ling replied slowly. 

“ _ Scary _ -”

“ _ Intimidating _ , I don’t know-”

“It’s okay if you don’t want to-”

“-I didn’t say that,” Jin Ling stopped him. “He makes me nervous.”

“I love that you and Jingyi are the way you are and yet you cower in fear around Sizhui, of all people.”

“I don’t  _ cower _ ,” he rolled his eyes. “Sizhui is just…”

“Sizhui.”

“Yeah… I’m not...”

“Not what?”

Jin Ling didn’t think he was a good enough person. He didn’t think he was good enough for Zizhen to be letting him do what he wanted. He didn’t think he was good enough for Jingyi to extend the same offer. He didn’t even think he was a good enough person to be best friends with the three of them. He definitely wasn’t a good enough person to touch Sizhui in any way that Zizhen or Jingyi did.

Zizhen hummed, “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

Jin Ling sighed and put his coffee down on his desk. 

“Do you want me to tell him for you?”

Jin Ling waved his hands, “No, no, don’t do that.” Despite how undeserving he felt, he would never turn Sizhui down if it came to it. “I’m not saying that.”

Zizhen smushed Jin Ling’s cheeks. “Don’t you pout too.”

coloring party

Jin Ling didn’t only ask him about Sizhui. 

“Did you want to call ‘time in’ now, or...,” Zizhen had said slowly, pulling Jin Ling in by his robes when they were done talking about Sizhui. 

Well… If Zizhen wasn’t in a rush to get back to the real world… Why should he be?

...

Except that he really didn’t think things through this time. 

“Are you panicking,” Zizhen asked. He lightly brushed back any wispies away from his face. 

Jin Ling had been covering his face with his hands for the last several minutes. 

“Rulan.”

“Yeah. I am.”

“It’s alright-”

“-I need to take a shower-” Jin Ling sat up suddenly. 

He moved around like he was panicking though he had sounded calm. He pulled his top on, pulling it close to his body.

There was a moment where he just paused to look around the room. He pushed his loose hair back. “Uhm…”

“Towel.”

“Right, god,” Jin Ling shook his head and pulled out his towel. He sighed, “I’m a mess.”

“Y-”

“-Shut up.”

Zizhen snorted and jumped off Jin Ling’s bed, straightening his own clothes. 

Jin Ling attempted to even out his disheveled hair but gave up and quickly tied it off in a bun. 

“Time in?” Zizhen shuffled across the room. He paused when Jin Ling didn’t answer. 

Jin Ling had his hand on the door handle. He bit the inside of his cheek while he considered Zizhen. No… He didn’t want to pretend yet.

“Did you want to talk?” Zizhen was under the impression he didn’t. 

And he didn’t. “No, uhm…”

Zizhen straightened the folded fabric of Jin Ling’s top that he put on in a rush. 

“Not yet.”

“Okay.”

Neither of them moved. 

Jin Ling shook his head to clear it, “ _ Fuck _ -” he hit Zizhen’s shoulder.

“ _ Ah! _ What?”

“You’re so fucking pretty,” Jin Ling accused, “God, I hate you!  _ Fuck _ ,” Jin Ling rushed out the door.

for the record sizhui is not actually upset with his boys. he just wants a smooch. just in case anyone was concerned here

zizhen l*ves them

they’re so ridiculous

pls never leave me alone

KISS HIM JINGYI


	115. Are cats rainbow colored?

Jiang Cheng nudged Wuxian, “He’s outside.”

“Thanks, bye guys,” Wuxian grabbed his keys.

“Have fun,” Yanli called over her shoulder. “Behave!”

“Yup,” he rushed out the door. 

Wangji sat in his car watching Wen Chao argue with Lingjiao in front of his apartment. 

Wuxian hopped into the still running car, “Hey.”

Lingjiao stomped off down the sidewalk. 

“Hi.”

Wuxian looked in the direction Wangji was looking. 

“I do not like him,” Wangji muttered, shifting gears. 

“He’s a piece of shit.” Wuxian watched Wangji reverse into the driveway before pulling out and going up the steep hill instead of past Wen Chao. “Ooh, mountainous.” 

Wangji chuckled and passed the aux cord over. “How was coloring?”

“Infuriating. Jiang Cheng kept taking the crayons I needed,” Wuxian said in feigned disbelief. “Don’t get me started on Wen Qing telling me my choices were unrealistic.”

“Were they?”

“Are cats rainbow colored?”

“I haven’t seen many cats to know,” Wangji joked. 

“Well they exist.”

“I’ll have to keep my eye out then.”

“You should!... Where are you going?”

“The lookout.”

“Can you get there from this direction,” Wuxian seemed unsure. Wangji was taking the steepest winding roads.

“Instead of coming from the bottom, we’re coming from the top.”

“Hm… How’d you find this path?”

“I grew up around here,” Wangji reminded him. “There’s an entirely different road from Cloud Recesses that would bring you all the way there too.”

“Ooh. Let’s take that one next time.”

“Okay,” Wangji agreed, “Maybe when it’s not so dark. It’s pretty.”

[ _ Who are we to wonder where we’re going? _ ](https://open.spotify.com/track/2fmlkobTesiSyyzVYa6nkX?si=8fcb2c45ee114d39)

“Add it to the list I guess!”

_ Let’s take it back and take in every moment _ . 

Wangji let Wuxian turn the music up. 

He still hadn’t turned on his phone or laptop. If it weren’t for his friends telling him about his assignments he wouldn’t know what the readings were supposed to be. But he didn’t want to go through the stress of having to deal with the messages Madam Yu left him. 

Wuxian already heard from his siblings that she was trying to get in touch with him. Neither of them relayed the message verbatim but he was sure Madam Yu was calling him childish and irresponsible. 

It just wasn’t worth it. 

He would rather spend his time doing this. 

Spending time hanging out with Wangji. 

_ Time’s where we’re going _

_ Tell me who I am _

Lying back comfortably in the car. Music playing. Looking out over Greater Cloud Recesses. 

No expectations.

Wangji reached out and took Wuxian’s hand in his own. 

_ Take in every moment _

_ Hold it close again _

song lan changed the gc name now that hes Employed

__

i c

__

cake!

for wuxian 

men of the hour: twin jades! 


	116. Sizhui Took Matters Into His Own Hands

Sizhui had been going over course material with Jin Ling while Zizhen was with Huaisang. All they did was go over their notes together. It was a normal night. 

Except that Jin Ling was trying to figure out if he should talk to Sizhui. He had no idea what he was doing going around kissing his best friends, but he hoped they weren’t expecting much of anything else from him. 

He didn’t know how to do any of that. 

How to be vulnerable. How to process feelings, when he didn’t want to have them to begin with. 

He’s always been taught that it made you weak. It made you inferior. 

He’s always believed you had to put a wall up, and under no circumstances were you to ever let anyone in. Because it’s just you. And you need to get ahead; be on top. You can’t do that if someone has power over you. 

You mustn’t ever give anyone the power to hurt you…

So he decided against it. 

Talking to Sizhui could be dangerous. It could be worse than talking to Zizhen. Because Zizhen was all talk about lust. And Sizhui would eventually be all talk about feelings, about  _ love _ .

Love was the worst. 

He vividly remembered when one of his cousins had pulled him aside and lectured him about how it would screw you over. How you’d end up hurt,  _ and _ at the bottom of the ladder. 

Being looked down on by the family was worse than being hung up over someone.

He didn’t have any intention of talking to Sizhui about anything. 

But Sizhui?

Jingyi was the one who suggested Sizhui try to talk to Jin Ling first. He just didn’t know how.

Sizhui wanted to  _ know _ . It never had to happen again but he just wanted to know what it was like to kiss Jin Ling. Just once. 

Knowing that Jin Ling still had a crush on him, but he kissed both, not one but  _ both _ of his boyfriends first? 

Frustrating.

Sizhui had his hand on the door handle, seconds away from leaving. 

He knew Jin Ling wasn’t going to initiate anything. How was he even supposed to bring it up? In the past, Jin Ling never let Sizhui get to that point in the conversation. 

How was he supposed to do it?

Sizhui held onto the door handle like it would give him the confidence he faked when his boys weren’t around. “Timeout?”

Jin Ling looked up. “What?”

“Time… out?”

“I- you’re calling timeout?”

“Can I?”

“You just did.”

“... now what?”

“... What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to kiss me, Rulan.”

“Okay-”

“-Because I’m not going to lie I’m really jealous that I’m the last one to kiss you when you- wait. Okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

called timeout

not interested

a hundred kithes

they need him back. jingyi is bitter and sizhui can’t pretend hes okay anymore.


	117. Crushed Cake

Wuxian never got his cake. 

It wasn’t anyone’s fault but the sidewalk that tripped Song Lan up while walking up to Lotus Root. 

Wuxian was not prepared in the  _ slightest _ to see Song Lan walk in, covered in cake and holding a crushed box in his hands. “I fucking fell.”

Wuxian could barely keep himself together, tears streaming down his face no matter how hard he tried to stop laughing long enough to look sad for Song Lan. 

It must’ve been a massive cake because he was  _ covered _ . Absolutely covered. 

“I will make you another cake,” Song Lan vowed. He looked down at himself in utter despair. “But it may not live up to the greatness of this one.”

“I am honored to receive any cake from you,” Wuxian tried to say in an even voice but he was a mess. 

Song Lan sighed and passed Wuxian the destroyed box to throw out. “Are you working tomorrow?”

“I am! In the late afternoon.”

“You will have a new cake by then, I swear to you… But I need to clean this off first.”

Wuxian laughed, “Come in the back.”


	118. Again

  


  


  


jiang cheng is suspicious of everything huasiang does concerning zixuan now 

  


Wuxian barely had anything to drink but he was feeling entirely unbalanced. The whole night was tense. The whole night, all he saw was Wangji. 

He picked him out instantly, no matter where he was. From the moment he walked in with Huaisang. 

Huaisang had told Zixuan to ask Wangji if he could get a ride from him. He didn’t want Wangji to feel so awkward going in by himself, especially since he wasn’t able to go until after Wuxian and the others planned on going. 

Wangji didn’t question why Huaisang wasn’t going with his friends and of course said he would give him a ride. 

And it did help. 

Huaisang was bubbly and very friendly. Wangji understood why Wuxian was close friends with him. He enjoyed talking to him. 

Wangji spent time with Wuxian, of course. But, he was trying to talk to his new friends too. He made a point to talk to Wen Qing, and definitely Yanli. He really wanted Wuxian’s sister to like him. It was important to him that she did. 

When Wuxian was looking, Wangji would look back. It didn’t matter if they were beside each other, or if there was a group of people between them. 

Their eyes would meet. 

Their eyes would meet and his stomach would twist. His throat felt like it was closing. He felt like a complete

wreck. He felt like he was going to panic because while there was so much he _wanted_ to do, he didn’t know _what_ to do. It was overwhelming. 

The atmosphere did not help his anxiety. 

The further they got into the night, the more his heart raced. The more he wanted to feel his lips against his own. The more he wanted to do _something_. 

Wangji was getting more and more fidgety. His mind was racing thinking about their night adventure to the lookout. Listening to music, holding hands, hugging goodnight.

And Wuxian was about to combust. He wasn’t sure if that meant he was going to run, or he was going to scream, or both. Everything from these past months just built and built within his chest.

The glances. The brief touches. The smallest smiles. Their bodies close. Their hands entwined. The confession.

Wangji was sitting a table away, and Wuxian was about to lose all composure. 

He must feel the same. He _must_. He couldn’t be misunderstanding everything… Not everything tonight. Not after these last few months. Not after their confessions. 

There’s no way he could be when Wangji was meeting every glance with such an intensity. Not when Wangji’s hand kept brushing his, _in public_. 

He wanted to kiss him. Right?

He did. Wangji had never felt an intense _want_ in his life.

And it scared him. 

It scared him how his chest was tight. How his breath was short. How he could not focus on anything around him except for Wuxian. 

Did Wuxian want the same thing he did? He barely knew what was happening to him, how could he assume what Wuxian wanted?

Wuxian had turned to talk to someone, Wangji was not entirely sure who. He just took in the scene of Wuxian laughing and dropping his hand onto said person’s shoulder. But it was over before Wangji could see who had approached him. Because Wuxian had turned his eyes back to Wangji, straw between his teeth, smirking. 

Wangji’s stomach twisted. 

He jumped out of his seat, apologizing and excusing himself as he moved between bodies. 

He needed to get away from Wuxian. He didn’t know how he could function around him. A second more and he may have grabbed Wuxian across the tables. And he could _not_ do that. Not in such a public place.

How could he manage to keep his composure the last week but now? Now, in the most public place he could be, he wanted nothing but to kiss him?

Was it the completely unfiltered way Wuxian looked at him whenever he could? 

Was it how Wuxian had to lean in so close for his words to be heard, without causing any suspicion?

Was it the way Wuxian was laughing and smiling throughout the night without faltering once?

While Wangji needed to separate himself from Wuxian to clear his head, Wuxian needed to get closer to Wangji. He absolutely could not function around him either. But this was something he was more than okay with. 

Besides, Wangji looked like he was panicking. 

Wuxian needed to check on him.

He weaved between the crowd, following Wangji from several paces back. When Wangji burst through a side door labeled “Employees Only”, Wuxian did not hesitate to push through the doors behind him.

The hallway was tiny, and dark just like the rest of the place. The only light coming from another door at the end with a small window.

The music was blaring, Wuxian’s heart matching the quick sporadic beat of the song that he could barely hear through the doors. 

“You okay?” Wuxian reached out for Wangji’s face, his thumb brushing his jawline as his hand found the nape of his neck. 

Wangji closed his eyes for the briefest moment. Wuxian pulling Wangji in. “Wei Ying,” he whispered. 

Wangji’s entire body was on high alert. He knew Wuxian was letting him decide what happened next. Though they both wanted the same thing. 

He couldn’t help it when his lips parted the closer Wuxian leaned in, because he _wanted_ to kiss him.

Wangji felt Wuxian’s breath ghost across his lips and his eyes closed. He really wanted this. But…

“Stop,” Wangji breathed out, he held onto Wuxian’s arm to prevent him from bringing his body closer.

But there was no need. He said ‘stop’. Wuxian froze immediately. 

Wuxian leaned back to see Wangji’s eyes were still closed, his brows knitted together.

The door on the other end of the hall swung open, and Wangji pulled back quickly, leaving the small hallway in a blink. 

Wuxian didn’t know what he was supposed to do next.

“Can’t be back here, buddy,” a staff member said as they passed Wuxian and out the door, uncaring of what they just saw. 

Wuxian followed, worried that maybe he just fucked something up. 

For the first time that night, Wuxian could not locate Wangji right away. 

He found his sister talking to one of her college friends. “Excuse me,” he interrupted. “Sorry,” he added as he pulled Yanli away for a moment. “Did you see Lan Zhan pass by?”

She shook her head, “He was with Huaisang and some girl just a minute ago I thought.”

That was before. 

“Shit,” he breathed out, glancing around. 

Wen Qing walked up with another drink. “Hey, uhm. I just saw Wangji? He said he had to leave so we’ll have to bring Huaisang to his house before we go to your apartment.”

“Did he say anything else?”

Wen Qing shrugged, “Just to tell you he’ll see you tomorrow.”

keys 

these two... 

  
  


idk which thing to focus on for this caption so i’m choosing the sidewalk 

  


Wuxian wanted to text Wangji. 

He really did. 

But the sheer thought of Wangji possibly telling him to leave him alone mixed with the influx of possible voice messages and texts from Madam Yu was too much. 

He would give Wangji some space. And besides, he would see him in person soon anyways. 

Right? 

Wangji wouldn’t want to be bombarded right now would he?

Maybe he would try later in the day, if he still hasn’t heard from Wangji. 

Right now Wuxian just needed to go to the dance studio. He needed to work on his independent study. 

He shuffled down the hallway, trying to not overthink himself into losing all motivation. 

But he heard a familiar song on his way. He slowed down to peek through the glass of the music room. 

Sure enough, Wangji was there, playing the piano. 

He didn’t seem upset, but that was based only on his body language. That wasn’t a lot to go off of since Wangji tended to pour himself into his music. 

He had his hand on the doorknob and considered walking in.

He turned around and headed to the dance studio instead. Wangji said he’d see him tomorrow. It was tomorrow. 

He was going to give Wangji time to come to him. 

Wangji played the piano for quite a long time that morning. He was starting to find the song he had been searching for in the last year. 

He started over a million times but couldn’t connect with the piece. 

He hadn’t even realized that the longer he was with Wuxian, the more he got to _know_ Wuxian, the more it came to him. 

All the emotions, all the notes. 

The more he understood _himself_ , the closer the song got to being completed. 

He always hit a block though. A block where nothing quite flowed in the way he wanted, or it was _just_ off but he couldn’t figure out what it was. 

It was at those moments he would play and play and play what he already had until he gave up. 

So he had given up yet again when he decided to see if Wuxian was awake yet. He figured he might be, seeing as he had work in a couple hours. 

As he locked up the room he heard music coming from the dance studio. 

It seemed too early for Wuxian to be here but it didn’t hurt to check. 

Wuxian didn’t hear the door open, nor did he hear Wangji walk up to where he was lying on the floor. 

He had lost his motivation to dance quite fast and had taken to sprawling out in the middle of the dance floor while he listened to his playlist. 

Wangji folded his legs and sat next to him, as quietly as he could. 

Wuxian hummed to himself. 

Wangji smiled and slowly took his hand in his.

Wuxian jumped a mile. “ _Fuck_ , Lan Zhan,” he exclaimed. 

Wangji chuckled and helped Wuxian sit up, not letting go of his hand. “You woke up early.”

“Slept like shit,” Wuxian admitted. 

“Mn,” Wangji played with his fingers. “I texted you but I know your phone is off.”

“What’d it say?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Wuxian pressed his lips together.

“I’m sorry-” they said at the same time. 

Wangji blinked in confusion. “You’re sorry? Why are you sorry?”

“I really shouldn’t have tried to kiss you-”

“I wanted you to,” Wangji stopped him. The worry within Wuxian started to subside. “But,” he sighed. 

“There were a lot of people there.” Wuxian traced the lines in Wangji’s palm. 

“I’m sorry. It was just a lot. Overwhelming. I just needed to not be there?”

“I understand,” Wuxian replied.

“But I, uhm. I still want you to kiss me.”

Wuxian looked up, “Right- right now?”

Wangji pressed his lips tightly together and hummed. “There’s no one here.”

Wuxian bit back a smile. “It’s just us,” he confirmed, reaching out cautiously. 

He brushed his thumb against his cheek as he leaned in. 

This time, Wangji didn’t put his hand out to stop Wuxian when he felt his breath ghost his lips. 

Instead he closed his hand over Wuxian’s and closed the distance himself. 

Wuxian smiled into the kiss.

This was it. 

This is what they’ve been waiting for. 

This is what they’ve been waiting for for what felt like ages. 

This was the rest of Wangji’s musical piece. 

He could hear the song in his head, clear as day. 

It was _so_ clear, he wasn’t sure how he couldn’t piece it together before. 

He couldn’t have understood himself better before than he did in this moment. With Wuxian. _Kissing_ Wuxian.

He almost couldn’t believe how long it took to get here. How long it took to feel this comfortable with Wuxian. How long it took him to realize who he was, and what he wanted. No… _Who_ he wanted. Who he _needed_.

Wangji placed his hand over Wuxian’s. 

But it didn’t matter how long it took. 

“Kiss me again,” he whispered.

Because they were here now.


	119. Screaming About Pretty Boys

“ _Delivery_ ,” Song Lan announced loudly as he walked into Lotus Root. 

A group of three turned in surprise at the sudden disturbance.

Wuxian, who had been glancing through his online assignments, looked up with wide alarmed eyes.

Song Lan beamed and placed a cake box before Wuxian. “For you, good sir.”

Wuxian beamed, “In once piece too!”

“Oh I cussed out the sidewalk my whole way from the car to here,” Song Lan assured him. “I threatened to take action if it tripped me again.”

“Good for you. Show it who’s boss!”

“Exactly,” Song Lan agreed, revealing the cake. “ _Ta-da!_ ”

“Song Lan… This is the _best_ cake I have ever seen,” Wuxian said seriously. 

The cake was chaotic to say the least. It was covered in sprinkles and messy decorative piping. “Do you love it?”

“I _love_ it! Eat it with me!”

“Do you have forks?”

“Sure do! Pick a table!”

Wuxian fetched the forks quickly, the two of them settling down near the counter in case Wuxian needed to help anyone at the register. 

They didn’t bother cutting any pieces but instead just started digging in. Song Lan watched Wuxian for his reaction. 

“This is fucking _great_ ,” he exclaimed.

Song Lan did a little happy dance in his seat. 

“Song Lan!”

“Wei Wuxian!”

“How the heck are you,” Wuxian asked. 

“Now that I’ve delivered your cake: _good_. Great even. Busy trying to make sure I’m prepared for next semester already though.”

“And that’s going well?”

“Oh definitely,” he nodded. “I’m so excited. I’ve wanted this for a while now. I’m just glad they hired me though. And also for not immediately firing me after the whole protest thing.”

“I’m happy for you. It was, like, the first thing you mentioned to me when we first met? You deserve it,” Wuxian said. “But I apologize in advance if I’m ever in one of your classes.”

“Yeah I heard you’re a pain,” he joked. 

Wuxian snorted, “An understatement,” he laughed. 

“How are you though? What have you been up to?”

“Mmm, nothing? Just school. And work. Nothing else to report otherwise. _The usual_ , if you will.”

“You hang out with Wangji a lot now, right?”

“Yup! Why do you ask?”

Song Lan shrugged, “No particular reason. He just mentions you a lot!”

Wuxian bit his bottom lip to stop himself from smiling. 

huaisang inquiring about the tweets; wuxian cracks fast 

  


WEEWOOWEEWOO 

I KISSED HIM 

  


wangxian detectives freaking out 

  


  


wuxian wants to scream about boys with huaisang 

  


forgive me daddy 

  


zixuan needed to clear up just One thing huaisang said 

... what sleepover? [ **pls consider reading flourish next : <] **

  


pretty and talented boys 

  



	120. Smoochfest

Wuxian was still internally screaming days later about his two friends dating each other. He and the rest of his friends had all individually suspected that  _ something _ had been going on between the two of them for quite a while. Wuxian and Jiang Cheng talked about it quite often between the two of them. Something just had been  _ off _ for a while. 

And now Wuxian knew for sure. They liked each other. A lot. 

It made so much sense to him that they be together. They had always been inseparable growing up. They understood each other more than they likely understood themselves. 

Wuxian  _ loved _ that. He loved that everything suddenly clicked. The way they’ve been for years had a name now for Wuxian. 

He hoped that Wangji looked at him someday in the same way that Zixuan looked at Huaisang. Like he was the world. The way he so effortlessly knew what Huaisang wanted without even realizing it himself.

He hoped he could do the same. That he could look at Wangji and just  _ understand _ . 

But Huaisang and Zixuan knew each other for? What was it now? Nearly twenty years? He got to see the two of them grow up together. He was there for it. They had twenty years of figuring each other out. 

Wuxian hadn’t even known Wangji for a year. That made him nervous. It made him feel like he was diving into this too fast. Expecting it to last longer than it probably would. 

But some days it felt like he had known Wangji for twenty years. In the best way possible. 

And that gave him some hope. 

“Wei Ying,” Wangji said in a low voice to grab his attention. “Are you tired?”

“Hm?” Wuxian looked up. Yeah he was a bit tired. But he was mostly thinking. “Not really. But it’s late,” he pushed himself to a sitting position. “Do you need to go?”

“Mn,” Wangji nodded. “Unless you want me to stay?”

“Ah Lan Zhan,” Wuxian fell back onto the couch, his legs over Wangji’s. “Don’t give me that much power. I’m not responsible enough.”

“Sure you are. Should I stay?”

Wuxian pouted and cried out, “ _ No! _ Go home, Lan Zhan.”

“Mn. Okay,” Wangji picked up Wuxian’s legs so he could stand. “I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

“Text me when you get home?”

Wangji crouched down beside Wuxian, “I will,” he kissed Wuxian’s cheek. “Goodnight Wei Ying.”

“”Night Lan Zhan…”

Wangji smiled and kissed Wuxian softly. “I like you.”

“I like you too.”

Wangji stood up to leave. 

Jiang Cheng retreated quickly into his room. 

He didn’t  _ mean  _ to walk out just then to see the Wangxian kiss, but he was not upset that he had. 

smoochfest

coparenting: losers

Minus the freshmen four, it was a total fluke that the rest of Wuxian’s friends ended up in his apartment. 

Wangji was over, just to be over. He was working on an assignment while sitting at the small coffee table in the living room while Jiang Cheng colored and vented to Wuxian about his Politics & War course. 

Jiang Cheng was waiting for Huaisang to come by.

Wuxian hadn’t been doing anything but messing around on his phone, waiting. He didn’t have his laptop on him because he had accidentally left it in Zixuan’s car.

Zixuan had been stuck in Cloud Recesses for a while but when he managed to leave, he swung by Wuxian’s apartment before he went back to his own. “Here,” he handed the laptop over as he passed by. 

“Where are you going?”

“I cannot tell you the amount of caffeine I’ve consumed in the last three hours,” he said over his shoulder before he closed the bathroom door. 

The moment the bathroom door shut, their front door swung open again. 

Wangji looked up in confusion. 

“Look who I found coming in when I got here,” Wen Ning entered, followed by Huaisang. 

Wuxian blinked. Why was everyone showing up? “What are you doing here?”

“I’m bringing back Jiang Cheng’s charger,” Wen Ning replied. “I just came from campus.”

Huaisang held out a folder for Jiang Cheng. “I need a ride home when you’re done.” He sounded annoyed with him. 

Jiang Cheng flipped through the pages, “Yeah, yeah.”

Huaisang rolled his eyes. Jiang Cheng had been pushing his buttons all week. He was less than excited to get a ride from him, but seeing as his Uncle had full control of his bank account at this moment, he was nearly out of funds for the rest of the month. He needed to use that money to finish buying what he needed for the dress he promised he’d give to Yanli. 

Getting into a car with Jiang Cheng meant more questions about Zixuan. He already knew that he would be telling Jiang Cheng about their relationship in a fit of pure annoyance during the car ride.

Huaisang sat on the couch behind Wangji with a heavy sigh. Wen Ning dropped down beside him. The two of them, nosey as ever, leaned forward to peak over Wangji’s shoulder to see what he was working on. 

Wangji looked over his shoulder slowly. 

The two of them sat back quickly and pretended to continue a conversation they clearly weren’t just having seeing as they spoke at the same time, “Yeah, yeah, isn’t that crazy?”

“No- absolutely, yeah. Insane. Totally insane.”

Wuxian rolled his eyes. 

Zixuan threw the bathroom door open, already calling out his question before it had fully opened, “Did you guys throw out my toothbrush?”

Wangji blinked. “You have a toothbrush here?”

“We all do,” Wen Ning replied. 

Zixuan stared at his friends sitting behind Wangji. “... Have you guys been sitting there this whole time?”

“No,” Huaisang replied boredly. “We just got here.”

“I could have given you a ride?”

Jiang Cheng looked up to glance between the two of them before turning back to Huaisang’s old essay with a smirk.

“I came from home,” Huaisang replied. “I had to find some old notes from Music Theory for Jiang Cheng.”

“I was bringing back his laptop charger,” Wen Ning kicked his legs up and dropped them down onto Huaisang’s legs. 

“Oh okay...” Zixuan looked back to Wuxian, “Where’s my toothbrush?”

“Why does it matter,” Jiang Cheng said, his back to Zixuan. “Are you trying to brush your teeth right now?”

“No-”

“Jiang Cheng accidentally dropped it into the toilet,” Wuxian blurted. 

Huaisang and Wen Ning laughed loudly. Wangji bit back a chuckle.

“ _ The toilet _ ?”

“I was reorganizing! It fell in the move,” Jiang Cheng announced. “You should buy a new one.”

“And what if I slept over tonight and didn’t know,” Zixuan scoffed and shuffled over to the small island in the kitchen. He sat down, holding his phone, already ordering a new one. “The fucking toilet,” he muttered to himself.

“Well then you’d have to go to a store,” Jiang Cheng shrugged. 

Wangji put his pen down, “You all have a toothbrush here in case of a sleepover?”

“We all have one at each other’s places,” Wen Ning said. 

“They’re all color coordinated,” Huaisang replied. “You get  _ one _ kind of toothbrush, so it doesn’t get confusing.”

Wen Ning nodded. “When you have to swap them out, it’s best to just buy five at once.”

Wuxian spoke up, “You mind as well do that Zixuan, we have to switch them out soon.”

“Good point,” he muttered over his phone. 

“Can-”

Zixuan interrupted Wen Ning, “Yeah I’ll get yours.”

“I’m the only smart one, Wangji,” Huaisang nudged him. “I bulk buy for the whole year. Just grab them when I need them.”

“Smart,” Wangji agreed. “It’s nice you guys do that.”

Huaisang pushed himself up and shuffled up to the fridge for a snack, “It makes things a lot easier.” He pulled out an apple, “We’re too spontaneous when it comes to sleepovers. I think at one time I had like sixteen at once because I had to keep going to buy a new one.”

“It was thirteen,” Zixuan corrected. 

“Same difference,” Huaisang shrugged. 

Jiang Cheng narrowed his eyes. “How do you even know that?”

Huaisang shot Jiang Cheng a look of annoyance as he bit into his apple. Jiang Cheng widened his eyes as if challenging Huaisang to say something.

Zixuan shrugged and put his phone down, “We’ll only have to get four at a time though once Yanli and Wen Qing officially move in together,” he pointed out. 

“Three,” Huaisang corrected, his mouth full. “When I move into Wen Ning’s second room.”

“Wonder why you want to move in so bad,” Jiang Cheng muttered. Wangji glanced at him as Wuxian kicked his foot out towards Jiang Cheng’s back as a warning. Jiang Cheng ignored him, barely budging from the weak kick.

“What was that,” Huaisang raised his voice. He heard him just fine. 

“Nothing, nothing,” Jiang Cheng waved his hand. 

Huaisang scoffed. Wen Ning pressed his lips together and pretended nothing was happening, just as Zixuan. 

“Second room,” Wangji asked. 

“He has two rooms in their apartment,” Jiang Cheng answered. “The second is locked and no one knows what’s in it except the two of them.”

“I have to guess correctly for it to be mine. I  _ need  _ to move out of my brother’s house for a bit before we have to go back to Qinghe.” Huaisang leaned against the counter beside Zixuan. 

“Ah.”

“A shrine dedicated to Happy Feet,” he announced suddenly in all seriousness. 

Zixuan stared at him blankly before looking back to his friends. A clear ‘no’. Huaisang sighed in annoyance. 

“A coloring room,” Jiang Cheng suggested. 

“Only I can guess, shut up,” Huaisang said. “... A coloring room.”

“No,” Wen Ning replied. 

“ _ Hello boys _ ,” Yanli sang on her way into the apartment. “Oh god-”

“There are far too many men in here,” Wen Qing finished, walking in behind her.

“What are you guys doing here,” Wen Ning asked. 

“Zixuan said he was stopping by,” Wen Qing answered her brother. “I needed to give him his mail.”

Wuxian stared at her in confusion, “His mail?”

Zixuan took the envelopes in her outstretched hand, “Yeah…”

“Why did his mail go to your apartment? You don’t even live in the same area?”

“Autofill?” Wen Ning tried.

Wangji glanced over his shoulder at Wen Ning, “... What?”

Wen Ning shrugged. He had no idea what he was even trying to say.

“Doesn’t matter,” Wen Qing sat beside her brother. 

Yanli sat on the arm of the couch and started telling everyone about something that happened to her at Lotus Root earlier in the day since she hadn’t yet texted them. And since they all so happened to be together for once without meaning to, now was the perfect time. 

Zixuan glanced through the mail that went to Wen Qing’s apartment. Huaisang took one and skimmed over it before putting it back onto the counter. He leaned back, arms crossed, eating his apple while listening to Yanli. 

His phone kept vibrating in his pocket. After a while he pulled it out to see who could possibly want to talk to him so badly when his friends were in the same room. 

He figured it might have been Zizhen, but to his dismay, it was Jiang Cheng. 

just a taste of what huaisang has been putting up with every day. huaisang is Annoyed **TM** annoyed.

Huaisang tossed his phone down onto the counter, “ _ Y’know what _ ,” he said suddenly and harshly. 

Everyone looked over, confused at the outburst. 

Huaisang grabbed Zixuan’s face and kissed him. 

Wuxian’s smile _and_ his eyes were wide, “I-” he hit Wangji’s arm in excitement. Wangji didn’t react, he was just stunned.

Zixuan was just as stunned as Wangji was, too slow to react at all by the time Huaisang let go of his face and spun around to face the room. “Are you fucking happy Jiang Cheng?”

“Actually,” Jiang Cheng laughed, “Yeah, I am.”

Huaisang rolled his eyes and grabbed his phone. “I’m walking home.”

Wuxian took Wangji’s sleeve and shook his arm. “ _ Ah!! _ Okay I didn’t think I’d ever actually see it again.”

“Possess my body for the day,” Wen Ning offered jokingly, “You’ll see it a lot.”

Yanli snorted in amusement and looked to Zixuan for his reaction.

Zixuan watched Huaisang storm out before facing his amused friends. “... Well,” he sighed. “This is awkward.”

Wen Qing laughed, “How’re you doing there?”

Zixuan cleared his throat and grabbed his mail and keys. “I’m… I’m going to drive him home… Bye.”

They all waited for Zixuan to walk out before properly reacting. 

“God  _ finally _ ,” Wen Qing draped herself over Yanli. 

“Wait,” Wuxian looked at their expressions, “You knew too?”

“Wait,” Wen Qing sat up. “You knew?”

“Who told you,” Yanli asked.

“Huaisang! Who told you?”

“Zixuan,” Yanli and Wen Qing replied. 

“They told you,” Jiang Cheng asked. “What the hell… I was just speculating.”

“I think you annoyed Huaisang by speculating,” Wangji replied. 

“Wait did  _ you _ know,” Jiang Cheng asked. 

Wen Ning interrupted, “I think I should win an award for how long I’ve known.”

“Specify what you mean, do you mean dating because they only  _ just _ started dating,” Wuxian asked. 

Wen Ning laughed and stood up. “No, I don’t mean dating-”

“I  _ knew _ it,” Jiang Cheng said.

“Oh to be Zixuan’s roommate,” Wuxian sighed. “Should’ve been me. I could’ve seen Huaixuan in all their glory.”

Wangji looked at Wuxian, “Huaixuan?”

“We have ship names here,” Wen Ning picked up his bag.

“For who else?”

Silence. 

Wen Ning clapped his hands together. “Well. I need to go catch my ride before it pulls away!”


	121. Well, It's Out There Now

Wen Ning sat in the back of Zixuan’s car. Minding his own business but also listening to the two of them.

“I _told_ you I was going to fight him!”

“That was not fighting him,” Zixuan replied. 

“Everyone else already knows,” Huaisang reminded him. “You can’t possibly be annoyed… You aren’t right.”

“What? No. I just-” he sighed. Zixuan whined and turned to Huaisang with a pout. “He’s going to be so annoying about it.”

“He’s already been annoying me about this! _For two weeks_!”

“But now he’s going to bother _me_.”

Huaisang gasped. 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding,” Zixuan rushed. 

“No you’re not,” Huaisang said at the same time Wen Ning said, “No he’s not,” from the backseat. 

“... Okay I’m not.”

Huaisang whined and slouched. 

Wen Ning chuckled, “He’ll stop in about a week now that he knows for sure. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay, so I don’t hang out with him for a week,” Zixuan concluded. 

“I don’t think that’ll stop him,” Huaisang mumbled. 

“He’s like a puppy,” Wen Ning said as they pulled up to Huaisang’s house. “Just let him be excited.”

“Fine,” Zixuan sighed. He put the car into park and looked at Huaisang. 

“Don’t pout,” Huaisang pouted back. “I had to deal with him for two weeks, not you. You don’t know _how_ many times he asked me if we slept together and if _that’s_ why we weren’t arguing anymore… Then he also asked if that’s why we were fighting to begin with.”

Wen Ning laughed loudly as he jumped out of the car. 

Zixuan rolled his eyes at Wen Ning’s enjoyment. “We weren’t fighting,” Zixuan mumbled to no one in particular.

Wen Ning knocked on the passenger side window. He wanted to go home. 

Huaisang gently pinched the top of Zixuan’s ear. “Your ears are still red.”

“Nice.”

“It’s cute,” Huaisang hopped out of the car so Wen Ning could sit in the front. “Kiss his cheekies when you get home,” he said to Wen Ning. 

Zixuan waited until Huaisang walked into the house before pulling away, “Do not kiss me.”

Wen Ning switched the car’s bluetooth to connect to his phone instead. “Unless you paid me, I wouldn’t think of it anyways.”

“Good.”

dude you’re dating huaisang 

like you like like him 

thats the one 

  


jc is all over the place 

  


jc doesn’t do feelings 

yunmeng trio 

  


formally apologize 

dont tell me that 

  


HES ZIXUAN???? 

  


“admire” doesn’t cut it 

  


huaisang got quite worked up 

can i tell jin ling 

i’m going to tell him 

  


uno_reverse_but_make_it_gay.jpeg 

  


the word 

  


sneak peak into wangji’s and zixuan’s texts 

  


what exactly is in his second room? 

  


COMPLETE THE MUTUAL??????????????? 

  


No, Wei Ying <3 


	122. didn't know which ch to include this in, so it gets it's own

huaisang angy 


	123. Boyfriend Benefits

This moment was perfect and Wangji was going to indulge in that. Because he was with Wuxian, laughing about something ridiculous that Song Lan had sent him.

These days all Wangji wanted to do was kiss Wuxian. Especially when he laughed. 

He thought back to the other day. When Wuxian laughed while watching Wangji’s bunny. He had wanted to kiss him then. He didn’t. But he wanted to. 

He had to keep reminding himself that they were not dating. He couldn’t just kiss Wuxian whenever he wanted. Right?

But today, Wuxian was just so giggly… Wangji kissed his cheek without giving it another thought.

It should have mattered that they were sitting in the car. 

It should have mattered that they were not the only car at the lookout.

It should have mattered like it mattered to Wangji when it was just the two of them.

But Wangji was getting too comfortable. 

And he was aware of that. So it came as a surprise to even himself when he gave Wuxian the quick kiss.

He quietly blamed the action on Wuxian’s friends.

He just spent so much time around them these days and they were quite unfiltered around each other, and just so unapologetically themselves. It was a little contagious. Especially now that he was starting to consider himself a part of the friend group.

He was starting to unwind a little too fast. He was starting to say things and act without thinking through things properly.

“Don’t tease me, Lan Zhan,” Wuxian joked and smiled brightly. He liked when Wangji did things like this randomly. Whether it was a quick kiss on the cheek, grabbing his hand, showing up late at night to bake, or stopping by the cafe to bring him something to eat. It was nice. It was comfortable. 

Wuxian would settle for this. He didn’t need more. 

As long as it was Wangji, he didn’t care if he never did anything more but hold his hand.

He did, however, wish it was okay to make things… Official. 

He understood why they couldn’t though. 

He still wished.

And he wasn’t the only one who did.

When it was time for Wangji to drop Wuxian off he pulled him into a tight hug just outside his apartment door. 

“You okay,” Wuxian asked when Wangji didn’t let go. 

“Mhm,” Wangji didn’t budge. 

Wuxian smiled and rubbed Wangji’s back. “Okay,” he chuckled. 

Wangji could not shake the feeling that something was wrong the last couple days. Maybe he was just forgetting something important. But something told him to hold onto Wuxian just a little bit longer this time. 

While he could. 

friends with boyfriend benefits

huaisang wants the world to know hes dating zixuan

who does that

yikes

me too wuxian


	124. Heirs

zizhen thinks he’s onto something 

zixuan saw sizhui’s tweet. how much money do you think he sent him? 

zizhen takes it back 

time to officially meet 3 of zizhen’s sisters: baozhai, lanying, and meizhen. 


	125. Lan Qiren Confronts Wangji about Wuxian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// homophobia, aggression, physical violence

Maybe it would have been best if Wangji hadn’t come home right away. Or rather, came home just a couple minutes earlier.

He didn’t know that his uncle needed to drop off a packet of new Ethics material for review on his desk. 

How could he?

It should  _ not _ have been a big deal. 

But this was Lan Qiren. 

These days he typically respects his nephews’ spaces and stays clear of entering without them present. 

But he kept forgetting to hand him the packet, and he hadn’t seen much of Wangji this past week. He needed it reviewed before finals week.

It was just better that he go and leave it on his desk while he was thinking about it. 

But his attention was caught. 

Which still should not have been a big deal. 

Except that he didn’t just question why Wangji chose to have such a chaotic, seemingly hand painted, mug sitting on his bookshelf. 

He  _ had  _ to pick it up. 

It was out of place. It didn’t match anything else in Wangji’s room. It was dark, a little sloppy, and much too red. 

It sat beside a single book. Kinda small. A little worn down. 

Lan Qiren picked up the book,  _ Autobiography of Red _ . He hummed to himself and placed it back on the shelf. He hadn’t heard of it before. 

Probably for the best. 

Lan Qiren picked up the mug and scoffed. Jeez, where did Wangji pick up this thing? 

Must’ve been some tag sale. He peered inside. 

A red ribbon. 

Lan Qiren dumped it out onto his hand and froze. 

On the bottom of the mug was Wei Wuxian’s name. 

His handwriting. 

He glanced between the mug and the ribbon. 

… No…

He picked up the book again and flipped it open. 

The same writing, this time with Wangji’s mixed in, commenting on Wuxian’s thoughts. 

He skipped to the end; Wuxian’s name was written carefully, next to a crossed out name Lan Qiren didn’t recognize.

“Uncle?”

Lan Qiren turned to face his nephew. 

Wangji stared at the book in his hand.

“This is Wei Wuxian’s.”

“Mn. I can ask to borrow it a while longer if you wanted to read it as well.” God he hoped not. He didn’t need his uncle to see the comments inside the pages. 

Lan Qiren placed it back onto the shelf and picked up the ribbon. “And this?”

“It’s just a ribbon.”

“Do  _ not  _ lie to me, Wangji.”

“I’m not. It’s just a ribbon.”

“Don’t lie to me,” he raised his voice just slightly. He  _ feared _ the friendship between Wangji and Wuxian. The texts he had been getting about his nephew and Wuxian made it worse. Now he couldn’t help but think…

Well maybe they weren’t just some bullshit messages.

Maybe the accusations within them were true.

“Is something wrong,” Xichen stepped into the doorway, visibly concerned. 

“No,” Wangji replied.

Lan Qiren scoffed and dropped the ribbon back into the mug. “Why do you have this?”

Xichen looked at his Uncle, confused about what was going on, “... The mug?” 

Wangji didn’t react at all.

Xichen frowned and glanced at Wangji. 

“It’s trash,” Lan Qiren stated.

“It’s not trash,” Wangji replied. 

“Get rid of it, it looks like a child made it.”

Wangji wasn’t going to get rid of it. “No.” Xichen looked at his uncle’s face. He was seconds away from exploding. “Uncle-”

“You either give it back to Wei Wuxian, or you throw it out.”

“No.”

Xichen fully stepped into the room now. “Uncle, I borrow Xingchen’s things all the time-”   
  
“And his hair ribbons?” 

“On occasion, I have,” Xichen replied. “It’s not so uncommon for friends to borrow each other’s things.”

“It’s because it’s Wei Ying,” Wangji said quietly.

“And that’s the problem right there,” Lan Qiren dropped the mug onto the bed. “You are  _ too _ close to him.”

“Uncle, let it be,” Xichen said. “You didn’t trust Guangyao when I first became friends with him-”

“That is  _ different _ ,” Lan Qiren spat.

“How,” Xichen challenged. “How is this any different?”

“He is intelligent-”

“-So is Wei Ying-” Wangji interrupted.

“-He’s trustworthy-”

“-Wei Ying-”

“-Responsible-”

“-Wei Ying-”

“-Knows right from wrong-”

“- _ Wei Ying _ -”

“-he doesn’t ask questions! He doesn’t cause trouble, or challenge his seniors. He is respectable and does as he is told. I do  _ not  _ trust Wuxian, and I do not trust  _ you _ with him,” he pointed to Wangji.

“Uncle,” Xichen frowned. 

“Why? Why don’t you trust me,” Wangji asked. “I have always had a good judge of character.”

“Not with him you haven’t,” Lan Qiren said. “He’s done something to you to get you to trust him. He is  _ no _ good for you Wangji. You need to stop.”

“I’m not going to stop being friends with him,” Wangji replied. 

“You’re not friends with him,” his uncle stopped him. “Are you?”

…

“Answer me.”

“I don’t understand what you want me to say,” Wangji lied. 

“He’s not  _ just _ your friend,” Lan Qiren challenged. 

“He’s my best friend.”

Lan Qiren pulled out his phone. “Explain what’s happening here. You tell me what I’m supposed to think watching this,” he held out the phone. 

Wangji took it. He kept his face straight, but he wanted to run. It was a video of him and Wuxian at the lookout. All he could think about was when he kissed Wuxian’s cheek. 

Xichen leaned forward to see for himself. 

Wangji leaned back from Wuxian. It was hard to see if it was him, but it was fair to guess that it was Wuxian. Wangji laughed as Wuxian pushed his shoulder. Whoever took the video missed the kiss on the cheek just seconds before they had started recording. “I think it’s two friends hanging out,” Xichen replied cautiously. 

“At the lookout?”

“I go to the lookout all the time with Mingjue,” Xichen replied. “Uncle this is not a lot to go on.”

“Who took this,” Wangji asked. 

“You’re concerned about who took the video and not what it looks like,” Lan Qiren scoffed. 

Wangji glanced back down at the video as it continued. He watched as the two of them shyly glanced at each for a brief moment. He held the aux cord for Wuxian. The video stopped as Wangji backed out of his spot. 

“It  _ is  _ concerning Uncle,” Xichen pointed out. “Has this person texted you before,” Xichen asked. He mostly needed to know so he could figure out how he was supposed to do damage control on this.

Lan Qiren had been receiving anonymous texts about his nephew for quite a while. Even with his incredible dislike for Wuxian, he thought they were baseless rumors to begin with. Where was the proof that he and Wangji were aimlessly driving around town late at night? Where was the proof of them at the grocery store? Where was the proof of his nephew bringing Wuxian to work?

It didn’t matter how many times he blocked the number, a new one would come through eventually. He finally texted back one day, demanding for something besides words.

That’s when the pictures started coming in. 

Sitting a little too close in the library. Sitting in the dance studio laughing together, Wuxian’s hand on Wangji’s knee. Wuxian getting into Wangji’s car late at night, on numerous occasions. 

Just friendly behavior. Nothing too concerning except that Lan Qiren did not like Wuxian. He knew they were friends though. Wangji made it a point that his uncle knew the way he defended him, talking to Wuxian in front of him, bringing Wuxian to the Ethics suite. 

He knew that much. 

He was so  _ obsessed _ in needing to know what his nephew was going around doing with Wuxian, that he didn’t even care that someone was following him around. He  _ had _ to know.

Then the videos started coming in. They captured their… friendship… better than a mere picture could have. He caught the glances. The smiles. Hands brushing against the others. He wasn’t stupid. Just in denial.

But this video? Lan Qiren tried to excuse what he saw. Wangji leaning away from Wuxian. The way he looked at Wuxian. 

He tried. Busied himself even. There’s no way his nephew was  _ that _ stupid. 

The mug. The hair ribbon. The book. Those shattered the excuses, shattered the denial he had built up, “Don’t lie to me Wangji. You’re not just friends.”

Wangji handed the phone back but said nothing. 

“That’s enough, Uncle,” Xichen said. 

“Give me your phone, Wangji.”

“Hold on,” Xichen said slowly. “Let’s not ground Wangji based on an assumption. He has every right to be friends with Wei Wuxian.”

“No he does not. He didn’t before, and he sure doesn’t now,” he scoffed. “Give me your phone. I want to see your texts,” he repeated sternly. 

Wangji didn’t expect that demand. “What? No.”

“No?”

“I’m not giving you my phone.”

As if Lan Qiren would listen to him.

Wangji yanked his hand back when Lan Qiren tried to snatch it. He held his other arm up to block his Uncle from trying again. 

Not the best move. 

wangji won’t talk to xichen

lan qiren’s way of making sure no one leaves in the middle of the night.


	126. Lan Qiren is Monitoring Wangji

wuxian tries to text wangji 

Wuxian knew something was wrong when class was minutes away from starting, and Wangji still wasn’t in his seat. 

Xichen glancing at Wangji’s seat only solidified that; he didn’t know where his brother was either.

“Hey,” Wuxian leaned into the aisle towards Zixuan and Huaisang. “Have either of you talked to Lan Zhan,” he whispered.

“That question is for you,” Huaisang glanced at Zixuan. 

He shrugged, “No. I usually see him in the Campus Center in the morning but not today.”

Wuxian pulled out his phone and texted Wangji again. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Jiang Cheng said. “Maybe he’s just busy.”

“Too busy for class?”

“... Maybe he’s sick then?”

Wuxian wasn’t so sure about that.

“Alright guys,” Xichen clasped his hands. “Phone away, Wuxian,” he smiled. “You too, Guangyao. Huaisang why don’t you start us off with-” Huaisang frowned and opened his notebook. 

No one expected Wangji to walk in halfway through class. He ignored how everyone turned around at the sound of the door opening. He ignored all the looks; he didn’t even glance towards his friends.

He handed his brother a note that he had written just before he walked in. Just so he knew he wasn’t intentionally late. 

Lan Qiren had taken to lecturing him and yelling at him that morning when he finally left his room, and he couldn’t get out of it. 

Xichen kept the pace of the class going, diverting attention away from his brother, though a couple people whispered about his uncharacteristic tardiness.

wangji isn’t sticking around to talk 

his friends noticed 

Song Lan walking into Lotus Root was a needed surprise for Wuxian. 

Being asked if he’s talked to Wangji? That was unneeded anxiety.

“No…” Wuxian frowned, “He hasn’t been answering my texts. He kind of avoided me today too.”

“Hmm,” Song Lan hummed in thought.

“Do you think something is wrong,” Wuxian asked. 

Song Lan shrugged, “Probably not. He goes ghost sometimes. Usually meditating or whatever.”

Last time Wangji did that, it didn’t turn out so well for Wuxian. Wangji had purposely avoided him then because it was lowkey about him… Maybe it was again.

“A good ole social media cleanse or something,” Song Lan added for good measure. 

He couldn’t really be sure though. 

Xichen hadn’t answered his text either.

hes ignoring everyone 

  


nothing to celebrate this tuesday 

  


wuxian reaches out to zixuan 

  
  
  


Truthfully, if he was going to have any luck figuring out why Wangji was avoiding everyone, his best bet lied with Mianmian.

“Wait, Mianmian,” Wuxian called as she began following the rest of the class out that Friday. 

“Yeah, what’s up,” she walked back towards him. 

“Have you spoken to Wangji this week?”

Mianmian placed her things back down on the desk. 

“I just… I know he’s pretty open with you about things, and maybe…” He sighed. “Has he said anything to you? Is he okay?”

Mianmian admitted sadly, “I was hoping he was at least talking to you.”

“He isn’t talking to you either?”

She shook her head. “He hasn’t even been in the Lit suite.”

“... The group chat?”

“Nothing. Xichen didn’t say anything about it either when Xingchen asked why Wangji was so quiet in the chat,” Mianmian frowned. 

“He doesn’t stick around after class to talk to him, and I don’t want to show up at the library while he’s working, y’know? It doesn’t seem fair to do that,” Wuxian said. 

“What about emailing him,” Mianmian asked. “Have you tried emailing him?”

“... No.”

“Give it a try,” Mianmian picked up her books again. Wuxian let her walk out the door first. “Let me know if he replies.”

“Alright.”

“Bye boys,” she nodded to him and Huaisang, who had been waiting for Wuxian outside the class. “Don’t forget to submit your responses tonight.”

wuxian has an idea 

[ wuxian dancing to the song that played when wangji first kissed him  ](https://open.spotify.com/track/1ygmHMAn6HYtCrQ4fHqD0x?si=2a86eda575414e69)

Wangji was sitting in the Ethics suite; he didn’t have a choice. His entire schedule was constructed by his uncle now. Wake up. Run. Class. Ethics suite. Music. Writing lines. Work out. Meditation. Bed. Repeat.

There simply wasn’t enough time in the day to even do everything. So he did as much homework and grading as he could whenever he sat outside his uncle’s office, or while he was at work.

He was just about to get his grading out of the way when he opened his email and there it was. 

Wangji glanced up to peer into his uncle’s office to make sure he was busy with his own things before opening it.

It upset him to read. He didn’t want Wuxian to think anything was his fault. Because it wasn’t. It was his own fault. 

It was his Uncle’s fault. 

He cautiously pulled out his headphones and plugged them in.

Of course he recognized the song. 

He couldn’t forget it even if he wanted to. 

He only watched the video of Wuxian dancing twice before removing his headphones.

He didn’t want to get caught.

Before he closed the video he realized the person who said, “That was the best one,” in the background was Sizhui. 

lan qiren is checking his emails too 


	127. Getting Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// abuse implied

It was a weird time of day. It was later in the evening, on a Saturday. It was one of the few times the quad was empty. Either people were eating in the cafeteria, in their dorms, or off campus. 

The night was young; no one was in the center of campus grounds.

Except for Wuxian, who had to run back after his shift at Lotus Root. He couldn’t find one of his textbooks that he _desperately_ needed with finals coming up. 

The quad was empty except for Wuxian, and Wangji, who was only just about to start his shift at the library. 

Wuxian had found his textbook under his usual seat in Mianmian’s class and was in much less of a hurry than when he first got to campus. 

The timing was truly impeccable. 

Wuxian lifted his head and halted; Wangji happened to glance over his shoulder and stopped walking himself. He couldn’t really rush away from him now. Not in the middle of the silent quad. 

“Hi,” Wuxian neared. 

“... Hi, Wei Ying,” Wangji replied quietly. 

Wuxian wasn’t sure if he got his email that morning. Nor was he sure what he was supposed to say at the moment. He didn’t want to make Wangji feel like he had to tell him what was wrong.

“... You’re a beautiful dancer,” Wangji added. 

“Oh, you got it.”

“I did,” he confirmed. “Also, you… You didn’t do anything. It’s uhm-”

“ _Wangji_.”

Wuxian glanced across the quad to see Lan Qiren. He must’ve just walked out from the back side exit of the Campus Center. It was tucked off in the corner. If he _had_ been standing there, neither of them would have seen him right away. 

Wangji sighed. He didn’t take his eyes off of Wuxian right away. “It’s just me.”

“ _Lan Wangji_ ,” his Uncle said a bit louder, his voice hard.

Wangji turned away and made his way to his uncle without another word. 

“What do you think you’re doing,” he hissed when Wangji was standing before him.

“Telling him to stay away from me,” he lied. 

Lan Qiren narrowed his eyes. 

Wuxian watched with concern at whatever was happening over there. He couldn’t hear what Lan Qiren was saying to Wangji but he was fired up and animated about it. 

Wangji turned to walk away without a word but was stopped by his Uncle forcibly taking a hold of Wangji’s arm. 

Wuxian took a step forward, horrified at the way Lan Qiren practically spun Wangji around to look at him. 

He muttered some warning to Wangji before letting him go.

Wuxian could see his expression had changed quite considerably when he neared again. 

There was no softness. There was no gentleness. 

His expression was hard. Unreadable. Not unlike when he had first met him. Except the hint of annoyance that could be detected in his features was replaced with anger. 

The look in his eyes was filled with hatred. 

He didn’t slow down as he passed Wuxian. 

He spared him the briefest of glances but the hatred didn’t leave. It didn’t go away. 

He didn’t look like Wangji. 

“Lan Zhan-” Wuxian tried, but Wangji didn’t turn around. He didn’t look back. 

Wuxian looked over his shoulder to see Lan Qiren going up the quad steps towards the parking lot. He had waited to ensure Wangji wouldn’t try to talk to Wuxian again. 

Wuxian felt sick. 

wuxian doesn’t know what to do 

  


yanli & xichen 

Xichen was sitting outside at the end of the driveway with his head in his hands when Wangji pulled up. 

He hopped out of the car and helped his brother to a stand. 

Xichen was replaying his conversation with Yanli over and over before Wangji got home. 

He couldn’t let his brother avoid talking about this anymore. 

“Can I talk to you,” Wangji asked before Xichen could. 

“Please.”

Wangji glanced behind him as if Lan Qiren could show up at any moment. “Not here.”

They walked quite a ways down the road. 

Wangji didn’t want to be near any houses. He was far too paranoid about his uncle hearing even a second of this conversation. 

Wangji eventually stopped walking and sat on the curb; Xichen sat beside him. “Wei Wuxian is…” Wangji sighed sadly. “He is an _incredible_ person. He is too smart for his own good; he challenges everything. And he’s right to. He’s funny, without even trying to half the time. He’s bright and caring. He’s so empathetic; he is the most genuine person I know. He’s loud, and he can be wildly unfiltered but… He is such a good person, Xichen. I… I don’t know how I’m supposed to ignore him.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

“I just,” Wangji glanced down at his palms. “Uncle doesn’t want me to even look at him. Let alone be close enough to accidentally touch him. He thinks he’s… disgusting.”

Xichen wrapped his arms around his knees. 

“He’s not… He’s beautiful,” he glanced at Xichen. His eyes started to water, “I don’t know how I’m supposed to ignore him.”

“You don’t have to-”

“I do,” Wangji shook his head. “Uncle doesn’t even really _know_ anything. Not really. And he’s already so upset at the thought that _maybe_ we aren’t just friends. I can’t ever tell him that… that we aren’t. He _can’t_ know. Ever.”

Xichen wanted to yell. At his uncle. How dare he scare Wangji into feeling like he could never feel this way about someone. “We’ll leave.”

“We can’t leave.”

“Why?”

“We don’t have anything,” Wangji pointed out. “We don’t have any money. He controls all of that. Everything is in his name.”

“We make new bank accounts. We change our direct deposit to go into those-”

“He’ll notice if our pay doesn’t go through,” Wangji countered. “It won’t work.”

“Wangji-”

“It won’t work,” he repeated. He sniffled and wiped his eyes. “We don’t even have anywhere to stay.”

“You know any of our friends would-”

“No. I don’t want to tell them why.”

“We don’t have to-”

“They’ll ask. I don’t want anyone to know,” Wangji replied. 

“Then we’ll stay at Mingjue’s.”

“No,” Wangji shook his head. “I don’t want him to know.”

Xichen didn’t say anything.

Wangji looked at his guilty expression and sighed. “You already told him.”

“Yeah…”

“You said you wouldn’t tell him about Uncle again.”

“Because his temper wasn’t so bad anymore,” Xichen said. “There wasn’t anything to tell him. His rantings were… Just rants. Tolerable.”

Wangji looked away. “Well it’ll be nothing again. He’ll get over it and be fine again in a couple weeks.”

“And you go on not speaking to Wuxian, even after those few weeks?”

Wangji didn’t reply. 

“This is not like the other times. This isn’t going to go away.”

“That’s my fault. My problem-”

“It’s _not_. He’s always been like this. So he has good moments. Who cares? They don’t outshine the rest of it.”

No reply.

“We’re leaving. We’ll figure something out-”

“I’m not leaving,” Wangji said sternly. “I don’t care if Mingjue already knows; I’m not going.”

“Wangji-”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

Xichen rubbed his bad wrist in frustration and glanced at Wangji again, “We don’t have to talk about this right now but we can’t write it off. We can’t stay.”

“... I know.”

Xichen looked forward again. He would give Wangji some time before bringing up the idea of moving again. 

If he didn’t want to move right now, he wasn’t going to try and force him into it. 

But he wasn’t going to leave him either, no matter how desperate he was to get out. He was his little brother. 

Wangji didn’t want to talk about his uncle, nor did he want to end the conversation about him. He didn’t want to even think about him right now. “Wei Ying is a good guy,” he mumbled.

“He is.”

“I really care about him.”

“I know.”

Quiet.

“This doesn’t change anything, right,” Wangji asked cautiously.

“Never.”

Wangji sighed in relief and wiped away the fresh new wave of tears from his eyes. “Not that I thought you’d hate me too but…”

“I get it,” he nodded. 

Wangji wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“... Have you kissed him yet?”

Wangji looked at Xichen. His eyes were puffy, his nose red, cheeks wet. He laughed.

Xichen smiled.

“I did,” he chuckled, drying his cheeks.

Xichen sat up straight, his smile widening, “ _Yeah_?”

“Yeah.”

“Wait,” Xichen paused. “Wasn’t this your first kiss?”

“It was-”

Xichen gasped and nudged his shoulder, “ _Wangji_!”

Wangji smiled and rolled his eyes at his brother’s excitement. 

“Tell me!”


	128. a quick tl update for a breather

took .02 seconds for him to think about it 

  
  


is anyone okay tho 

  


worry about yourself 

  
  


me too wen ning 


	129. Wangji and Zixuan Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// abuse implied

“Zixuan,” Wangji stopped him before he got in his car.

“Hey,” Zixuan let go of the door handle. 

“Can I talk to you about something?”

“Of course. What’s up?” 

Wangji glanced over his shoulder at the sound of two girls laughing. He looked back at Zixuan with uncertainty.

“Get in,” Zixuan motioned to the car.

Wangji visibly relaxed once he closed the door behind him. It was enough to just be in the car.

“What’s up,” Zixuan asked again. 

“... How’s Wei Ying?”

“Upset. You should text him,” Zixuan deadpanned. 

“I can’t,” Wangji sighed. “My phone is broken.”

“Oh.”

“My Uncle transferred the money from my account so I can’t get a new one.”

Zixuan frowned, “What?”

“Don’t tell Wei Ying that part,” Wangji said quickly. 

“Do you need money?”

“What? No, no-”

“I don’t mind. I can go get some cash-”

“No it’s okay,” Wangji shook his head. That’s not why he was saying something to him right now. To be honest, he wasn’t really sure what possessed him into running after Zixuan when he saw him nearing his car. He just suddenly was there. “I don’t want to risk him seeing it or finding it. He just doesn’t trust me right now.”

“You’re far more trustworthy than most of the people he works with on clan business,” Zixuan pointed out. 

“He doesn’t trust me with Wei Ying,” Wangji corrected. 

“Oh…”

“Yeah.”

“Well damn.”

“Mn,” Wangji nodded. “Can you just… Can you tell Wei Ying that I’ll talk to him when I can? Just that I don’t have a working phone right now, and that Uncle is breathing down my neck?”

“Yeah, sure,” Zixuan replied. “I can do that.”

“Thanks,” Wangji relaxed into the seat. “I would’ve emailed him but even if I delete my message in the ‘sent’ folder… Just paranoid. Did it once for Sizhui and I couldn’t sleep all night. I had to keep checking to make sure he couldn’t find it somehow when he checks my emails.”

“I get it,” Zixuan nodded. “I used to think that my dad had my car bugged.”

Wangji shot him a concerned glance. 

“It’s not.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“For once, yes,” Zixuan chuckled. “He relies on intimidation to get answers from us because he knows that we’re all too aware of his blackmailing tricks to fall for them.”

“I’m assuming it works? The intimidation.”

“Not anymore,” Zixuan admitted, “At least not for me. He doesn’t need to know that though.”

“I cannot relate to that.”

“Yet.”

“Mn.” Wangji sighed, “Is it nice not living at home?”

“I wouldn’t call Carp Tower home,” Zixuan shrugged. “Not since I started living here anyways. Not excited to go back,” he muttered to himself. “Image is everything to my family, and I’d be stupid to say it wasn’t important to me either. But my sanity is far more important than keeping face 24/7 for the sake of how others perceive me.”

“Mn. I understand that. A little too well,” he paused. “Xichen wants us to move. He thinks it’s just going to get worse if we don’t.”

“... Will it?”

Wangji nodded.

“Where is he thinking of going?”

Wangji shrugged, “I think he wants to stay with Mingjue.”

“You don’t want to do that?”

Wangji shook his head, “I don’t want to live at home anymore but I don’t want to do that. If I do that, then Huaisang will have to know why we’re staying there.”

“Mn.” Zixuan pulled a leg up and leaned it against the door. “Huaisang likes to gossip but he knows when to keep his mouth shut.”

“That’s not my concern,” Wangji stopped him. “I just don’t want _every_ one of my friends to know my business. It’s like the more it’s acknowledged, the less likely it’ll be able to go away… I just want it to go away. And it always does. He doesn’t get _this_ angry often. It’s just…,” Wangji rubbed his face tiredly. “I know Xichen is right that this time it’s not going to change. Not really. But it _could_.”

Zixuan hesitated.

“You don’t have to reply to that,” Wangji muttered. “I know what you’re going to say to that.” He sighed, “I need to leave… Maybe I can stay with Mianmian,” he thought aloud. “She knows how Uncle gets.”

“You can add my apartment to the list of possibilities. You can have Wen Ning’s second room. And you don’t have to worry about him either. He doesn’t ask questions.”

“I’ll talk to Xichen again…”

“Get out of that frosty shithole,” Zixuan added with a lighter tone.

“Yeah… Too bad _you_ can’t _stay_ out of the golden shithole,” Wangji said.

“I’m taking every opportunity I can to spend less time there, trust me,” Zixuan sighed. 

“We deserve better.”

“We do,” Zixuan agreed. 

Wangji sighed. After a few moments, he didn’t make a move to leave, and Zixuan was in no rush. He didn’t mind if Wangji wanted to sit here for an hour.

“So how’d your phone break,” Zixuan asked after a couple minutes. 

“Slammed it against the doorframe; _far_ too hard too.”

“.... How?”

“Uncle wanted to read my texts with Wuxian,” Wangji explained. “He tried to take it from me but Xichen pulled him off and I just…” He shrugged, “Seemed safer to have him just assume that we were far too close and teetered on the edge of friends and… not friends, than for him to know for sure.”

“Oh. Was it?”

He sighed heavily, “Probably, yeah. Right now he’s watching my every move whenever possible. He hasn’t disowned me and outed me to the clan… yet.” He kept talking to fill the silence, “He and Xichen aren’t talking right now though. Like at all. They’ll eat in the same room. But there is no talking after dinner. Not to each other.”

“Sounds…”

“Tense?”

“Yeah.”

“Mn.”

Zixuan wasn’t sure what he should say. He’s had his fair share of tense dinners. None around this particular subject. 

He dreaded ever having to deal with that. 

“Well, my apartment is open _any_ time. Whether in the middle of the night, or if you bring Xichen with you. Any time. That room is yours.”

“And if Huaisang miraculously guesses what’s in the room and he moves in tomorrow?”

“He can sleep in my room if that’s the case,” Zixuan shrugged. “Still yours.”

“Mn. You clearly have no problem sharing a bed with him.”

Zixuan looked at him in disbelief. 

Wangji looked over, biting back a smirk.

They laughed.

you need to talk to me 

Zixuan burst into the sewing room, “Do you know anything?”

“I know nothing actually,” Huaisang snorted and dropped his measuring tape onto his workspace. He ignored the look Zixuan shot him in response.

“About Wangji.”

“Oh. Yeah, I do,” Huaisang said slowly. “Do you?”

“I just talked to him. In my head I always assumed Lan Qiren was like my uncle-”

“-Jin Han’s dad-”

“-Yes. But I was just _assuming_ ? He just _seemed_ like a piece of shit,” he paced.

“Your trash radar is stronger than you think,” Huaisang concluded for him. “I only know what Mingjue told me Xichen said,” Huaisang admitted. “But it was… Not good.”

“Like literally what the fuck? He should be the one to leave, not them. Isn’t that their father’s house?”

“It was,” Huaisang nodded. “Not anymore. Did Wangji seem open to leaving now?”

“I don’t know. I think so, maybe?” Zixuan frowned. “He might talk to Mianmian I think, but even if he doesn’t, I told him he could have Wen Ning’s second room if he didn’t want to go there. Or here. Which he seriously does not want to do.”

“Why?”

“He doesn’t want people to know. And you would have to if he stayed here,” Zixuan deadpanned. “Which you already know,” he ran his hand over his face. “Wow people should stop telling me things, I’m just over here, talking about-”

“First of all,” Huaisang interrupted him. “Mingjue told me, not you. So you didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know. Second, I’m a very good actor,” Huaisang said. “He doesn’t have to know that Mingjue said anything to me.”

“Okay fine. But I’m not a good actor,” he stressed. “What am I supposed to say to Wuxian?”

“Uhm. Yes, you are,” Huaisang disagreed. “Official Carp Tower you, and _you_ are like two whole different people, do not fight me on this. What did Wangji say about Wuxian?”

“Just to tell Wuxian that he’d reach out when he could, his phone was busted, and that his Uncle is watching him like a hawk right now.”

“Okay. Tell him that,” Huaisang shrugged. 

Zixuan dropped back against Huaisang’s workspace with an exaggerated sigh. Huaisang raised an eyebrow in question. “And when he tries to ask me questions? How did he seem? Did he say anything else? Why is Lan Qiren on his ass?-”

“Just say you don’t know.”

“But I do know!”

Huaisang rolled his eyes, “Zixuan you are _so_ good at lying, why can’t you lie to Wuxian?”

“I don’t like lying to him anymore!”

“So you’re going to tell him everything Wangji said to you,” Huaisang challenged. 

“ _No_ , I just… Can I text him instead?”

“Sure.”

Zixuan looked at his phone sadly.

“You look like you need some juice first.”

Zixuan pouted.

“Let’s go,” Huaisang took his hand and pulled up to a stand.

perish 

  
  



	130. Game Over

zizhen -> jingyi 

Jingyi practically sprinted across campus when he got the video Zizhen sent him. 

It was just a quick three second snap of Zizhen tilting his head and smiling.

But Zizhen had told him their little ‘game’ would be over the day Zizhen texted him a video. 

Just like how their competition between the three beans went up in flames the day Sizhui texted them a video of him dancing. 

He never specified what it would be. So he wasn’t even sure Jingyi would even  _ think _ to consider that their ‘game’ ended. 

But Jingyi burst through Zizhen’s door; it closed heavily behind him. 

Zizhen froze and stared at Jingyi, wide eyes in surprise. 

Didn’t he just text him like two minutes before? How did he get here so fast?

Jingyi, out of breath, “Game over?”

“Game over.”

Jingyi rushed forward to kiss Zizhen.

This whole semester was a dumpster fire, but it was okay now, because he could finally kiss Zizhen again. 

Finally. 

Zizhen laughed when Jingyi hugged him tightly.

“I miss you,” Jingyi said, hugging him hard, the two of them rocking from side to side.

“Are you crying,” Zizhen chuckled, pushing Jingyi back to look at his face. 

“ _ What _ ? No? I’m fine,” Jingyi blubbered, grabbing Zizhen’s face and smiling. 

“Why are you crying-”

Jingyi littered Zizhen’s face with kisses, “You, are, so, cute,” he emphasized each word with another smooch. 

Zizhen giggled. “Jingyi-”

Jingyi smooshed Zizhen’s cheeks, tears streaming down his own, “God I missed you.”

Zizhen wiped away Jingyi’s tears. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Everything. This. Making you cry,” he gave Jingyi a lighthearted smile and brushed his hair back. 

Jingyi choked back a sob. 

“Jingyi,” Zizhen frowned. 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he waved his hands. “I’m just overwhelmed.”

He had started to believe that this was permanent. That this whole situation had ruined them, and that it couldn’t be fixed. 

He had tried talking himself into being okay if he never got to kiss Zizhen again the other night. It broke him to even try. 

He didn’t think he could have this anymore. 

“You’re going to make me cry,” Zizhen joked, pressing a soft kiss to Jingyi’s lips. 

zizhen -> sizhui

Sizhui walked into the room, as Jingyi sighed heavily, his eyes a little puffy, but overall looking like he regained some sort of control over himself. 

“What happened,” Sizhui reached out for Jingyi. 

Jingyi stepped back and pushed Zizhen in front of him to redirect Sizhui’s attention. 

“What-” he couldn’t say much else before Zizhen kissed him. 

It’s what he was hoping for the other day when they had their first-in-a-long-time date but he didn’t let his hopes go too high. That way, it didn’t bother him so much when Zizhen inevitably didn’t kiss him goodnight. 

Sizhui backed up in shock, processing. He gasped and slammed into Zizhen; they stumbled a few steps, “Oh my god,” he wrapped his arms around him.

Jingyi bent over dramatically and held onto his knees, “ _ Woooooo _ , I am going to cry again.”

“No crying unless it’s happy now,” Sizhui announced. 

“Happy doesn’t even cut it,” Jingyi said. He pinched Zizhen’s cheek, “ _ Look at him! _ Isn’t he so fucking cute?”

“Oh my god-”

Sizhui pinched his other cheek, he cooed, “Itty bitty-”

“I am not itty bitty-”

“That’s my motherfucking  _ baby _ ,” Jingyi added.

“Guys,” Zizhen tried to get a word in. “You don’t have to make up for lost time, I promise.”

“You are  _ incredible _ ,” Jingyi replied. 

Jingyi’s hands had been roaming idly over Zizhen. He felt like if he stopped, he might not be able to touch him ever again. 

He didn’t want to experience that again. Not being able to touch Zizhen. To talk to Zizhen. To see Zizhen. 

“Itty bitty bean,” Sizhui beamed. 

Sizhui swayed his and Zizhen’s hand back and forth. He didn’t want to let go of him either. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he held onto Zizhen’s hand. 

They never could outside their rooms; but they usually skipped hand holding to cuddle before all of this. 

He didn’t like that he couldn’t remember when they last held hands. He wanted to remember at least this moment.

“Fine. I have things to make up for too then,” he pointed out.

“Like what?”

Zizhen lifted Jingyi up and placed him on the edge of the bed, doing the same to Sizhui not even a second later. 

cuddlefest


	131. ... They would be gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// abuse implied

Wangji didn’t think about it for long. 

Xichen was right. 

He shouldn’t have to ignore Wuxian.

Walking by him in class, not waiting for him after class, outright avoiding Lotus Root and his other friends to avoid questions. 

He didn’t want to do any of that. 

He would have to if he wanted to continue living with his uncle but… He really didn’t want that anymore though. 

If his uncle wasn’t so strict with his schedule and curfew he could have at least attempted to stay on campus longer and stay in the music room. Just some added time away from home.

“You can work on music at home for now,” Lan Qiren had said to him. “Until that boy gets it through his thick head to stay away from you, and I trust you not to talk to him anymore, you will do your work here.”

“Yes Uncle.”

That’s what he was doing now. He had been at it for the last 3 hours before his uncle walked in. “Take a break and put the dishes away.”

He didn’t care about staying here anymore. He wanted out.

Wangji stood up.

“You’ve been playing the same thing over and over again,” Lan Qiren pointed out. “Give yourself time to think if you’re stuck.”

Wangji nodded and walked to the kitchen.

“I have to step out for a couple hours tonight, but I’ll be back. Don’t forget to go for another run. But bed by 9,” he reminded him.

“I will.”

Lan Qiren read his expression. “I know you think I’m being unfair, but you’ll get it.”

Wangji grabbed a towel to dry off any dishes that still had some water on them. 

“It’s for your own good.”

“I know.”

“You’ll be able to go out with your other friends again,” Lan Qiren patted his shoulder and grabbed his keys.

“I need to regain your trust,” Wangji muttered.

Lan Qiren smirked to himself. He knew his nephew would see where he was coming from. He just needed time away from Wuxian in order to see it more clearly. He just needed some time. 

Not that he’d ever really be able to regain his trust. He’d keep finding reasons to distrust his nephew. Wangji knew that.

Wangji finished putting the dishes away not long after Lan Qiren left.

He padded over quietly to his brother’s room and knocked.

No answer. 

He tried again. 

Still nothing.

He opened the door cautiously. 

Xichen looked up from his laptop and pulled his earbuds out.

“Uncle left,” Wangji walked in and closed the door behind him. 

Xichen set his laptop off to the side. 

Wangji crawled under the covers of Xichen’s bed and slumped against the pillows. “Did you think about the money problem?”

“Mn. We just wait to put the paperwork in until we are sure it will deposit  _ after _ we have left.”

“We can’t take our cars,” Wangji said. “They’re in Uncle’s name.”

“Mine isn’t,” Xichen replied. “He only co-signed on the loan, but the car is mine now. It’s in my name.”

“You want to go to Mingjue’s,” he stated. 

Xichen nodded anyways. 

He didn’t want to go to Mingjue’s. He didn’t care anymore that Mingjue, and likely Huaisang, knew. He just didn’t want to crowd into one room with his brother and their rabbit. 

He knew Xichen wouldn’t mind, but it didn’t seem fair. He didn’t want to burden his brother more. “Would it be okay if I went to Mianmian’s instead?”

Xichen wanted to cry. He wasn’t going to make Wangji follow him to Mingjue’s. Even if he wanted to. “Of course.”

“Can we go after finals next week? If there’s enough time I can stop by the bank before Uncle gets home tomorrow,” Wangji said. 

“If you need more time, just let me know and I can stall him on campus.”

“I don’t have a phone.”

“Take mine,” Xichen offered. “Just text Mingjue.”

Next week. 

After finals, after his performance… They would be gone. 

Without a word.


	132. Finals Kicking Some Ass

  


good morning, goodnight 

the goal 

  


TIRED 

  



	133. Scheming with the BoyfriendS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// homophobia

Sizhui could hear music playing from outside. It didn’t sound like a guqin but he was sure it was Wangji.

He started walking around to check and see if he was actually outside but was stopped by Lan Qiren pulling down the long driveway. He silently cursed to himself. 

“Sizhui,” he stepped out of the car.

“Hello sir,” Sizhui smiled politely. 

“Is there something I can help you with?”

“I was hoping to talk to Hanguang-Jun,” Sizhui motioned towards the house. “Is he home?”

The music stopped. 

“He has lines to write after his music.”

Sizhui blinked. 

Lines. 

Lan Qiren pressed his lips together. 

Sizhui nodded, “Ah. Okay, uhm,” he smiled apologetically. “Sorry for stopping by without notice.”

“Is there something you’d like me to tell him?”

Sizhui shook his head, “I’ll just text him later-”

“He doesn’t have his phone right now. Are you sure you don’t need me to relay anything? Is it regarding finals?” 

“That’s okay,” Sizhui waved his hands. “Thank you though!”

Sizhui hadn’t even completely passed by Lan Qiren. “How’s Jingyi,” he asked. 

Sizhui felt like his throat was closing. “Jingyi? Okay,” he shrugged. 

“What was the name of that girl he was seeing?’

… This is why Sizhui hated lying. 

He had no idea.

“Oh, he’s not talking to her anymore,” Sizhui informed him. 

“Decided to focus on his studies too?”

“Guess so! But we’ll see how that holds up next semester,” Sizhui rolled his eyes. 

“Right,” Lan Qiren chuckled. He glanced at the car parked along the curb outside his house. “Is that Ouyang Zizhen?”

“Oh,” Sizhui glanced over his shoulder. “It is!”

“Good family… But be careful.”

“Careful?” He also hated when people beat around the bush.

“You don’t want to get caught in a situation again.”

“A situation...” 

Lan Qiren gave him a pointed look. 

Sizhui knew what he meant. “Oh. Yes, I know that he’s... No need to worry about me,” he held up his hands in defense. “Yikes. Don’t want to get mixed up with that,” he added for good measure. He felt sick.

Lan Qiren laughed. “Just stay mindful.”

“Absolutely,” Sizhui backed up. “Thank you for the warning!”

“Take care, Sizhui.”

“You too!”   
  


Sizhui walked back to the car calmly knowing that Lan Qiren was watching him. 

“Is he not home,” Zizhen asked when Sizhui opened the door. 

“He’s home.”

“... Okay?” Zizhen started the car.

“Temporarily forgot you were out of the closet,” Sizhui avoided looking at Zizhen as he buckled in. 

“What? Did he bring that up?”

“Yes. Please drive away,” Sizhui pretended to look at his phone. 

Sizhui waved at Lan Qiren with a fake smile as they pulled away. 

Sizhui put his phone down with a huff.

“Why the fuck did he bring up my gay ass,” Zizhen asked. 

“Because you were sitting at the end of his driveway,” Sizhui held his head.

“What, did he warn you to stay away from me?”

“Pretty much.”

“Might infect you with The Gay, watch out.”

Sizhui snorted. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks he actually ‘cured’ Jingyi and I from something…”

“Yeah but how long did it take for him to trust you guys?”

“With how often he checks in, I'm not sure he completely does.”

Zizhen hummed. “Sounds like one of you needs a fake girlfriend.”

“I think I’d rather disappear and go be gay in hidden somewhere else.” He paused, “Don’t tell Jingyi I said that. He’s looking for reasons to run away.”

trailing

Zizhen pouted. He didn’t like Sizhui recalling his own experience with Lan Qiren. But Sizhui brought it up himself while retelling his interaction to Jingyi. 

“You don’t think he’s making Wangji do anything like that too, do you?”

“It sounds more like he’s limiting his social interactions than anything else,” Jingyi said. “Can’t tell what’s worse,” he mumbled.

“I hate this man,” Zizhen said. “Next time he’s in Baling, I am going to-” he paused. “I don’t really know what I’m going to do, but I’m going to do something.”

“Seems like a good time to bring up your date with your made up boyfriend while at dinner,” Jingyi said. 

Zizhen paused. 

Wait...

“He wouldn’t be able to stop the conversation,” Sizhui agreed. “Not there.”

Zizhen sat up from where he was lying between the two of them and looked at them. He frowned. 

Jingyi blinked, “What?”

“I-” he stopped. 

“We weren’t being serious,” Sizhui added. “Unless you wanted to.”

Jingyi grinned, “We can help come up with something fun to say if you did.”

“No, I know,” Zizhen folded his legs. “I just…”

Sizhui and Jingyi glanced at each other before sitting up too. “What?”

“I didn’t ask you.”

“Didn’t ask what,” Jingyi tilted his head.

“I just assumed we were dating again....” 

“Are you asking  _ us  _ to be boyfriends this time,’’ Sizhui asked. 

“Ooh,” Jingyi fanned his face jokingly. “I’m a little nervous.”

Zizhen playfully pushed his shoulder. 

“I need you to officially say the words,” Sizhui said seriously. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend _ s _ -”


	134. Finals Summed Up

ma’am he doesn’t even go here 

  
  


Finals were rough to say the least. 

Wen Qing took Wuxian off the schedule for the week so that his only focus was his finals, and his performance. 

Lucky for him, he only had _one_ test. Ethical Response. He was confident he passed with flying colors, but give it a week. He was sure that Lan Qiren would find a way to drop his final grade again.

Against his character, he did his best to stay silent in Ethical Response leading up to their final. He bit his tongue when Lan Qiren tried to call on him and challenged him. But Wuxian only answered in the way that Lan Qiren wanted him to answer. 

He hated it. 

Personally, he wanted the man to perish. In about 27 different ways. 

That was beside the point.

His final Art & Philosophy paper was twelve pages long (seven pages too long), by complete mistake, but handed it in as it was. He was confident that he would only lose a few points for going over the page limit. 

His Queer Lit papers, those were more time consuming. One short response, and two papers. He had the opportunity to start one of the papers a month ago when it was posted online… He forgot about it though. 

Despite remembering it just two days before it was due, he did his best to write the greatest paper for the course. For Wangji.

He hoped Wangji would leave comments on it. Maybe they could have _some_ sort of conversation that way. 

Anything.

His Study of Hybrid Poetics and Poets final was his favorite. He had to do an emulation and analysis of his favorite piece from the semester and a five minute presentation of the project he had been working on throughout the semester. Easy. 

Modern Dance was quick. He was in and out within ten minutes of his time slot with Xingchen. 

He saw it mostly as a warm up for his performance on Friday night. 

His friends though?

Jiang Cheng had one test, one demonstration, and three papers; his easiest finals to date.

Zixuan had two tests, three papers. On top of that, he started the readings on his summer courses to get ahead before everything at Carp Tower was taken up a notch.

Two tests, three papers, and one demonstration, for Wen Ning. Unheard of considering the course load he had taken on for the semester.

Sizhui breezed through two tests, one presentation, and one performance. 

Jingyi had four presentations. That’s it. Two were group projects so you can imagine how those went.

Zizhen was surprised at how _easy_ it was for him to get through two tests, three papers, and one presentation. It concerned him. Maybe he failed.

Jin Ling: one test, two papers, one demonstration, and one presentation. He was a little cocky and didn’t prepare for any of it until it was almost too late.

Huaisang absolutely hated his friends. 

He had three tests, six papers, and two presentations. He had the worst of it. It was the papers that broke him. One had a requirement of 15-20 pages; he managed to type out 18 pages. 

He was so fried by the end of his presentation Friday that he completely passed out waiting for Wuxian’s performance time to come around. 

“Sleeping probably,” Wen Qing answered Yanli. “He looked dead yesterday trying to finish his last paper on time. He was skimming through three different books at once.”

Zixuan chuckled, “Oh he’s going to be _so_ mad he missed this.”

“Maybe I should call him again,” Yanli muttered. 

“He didn’t answer the first five times,” Jiang Cheng pointed out. 

Wuxian sat behind his friends, “Where’s Huaisang?”

“Sleeping,” they all replied. 

“Good for him,” Wuxian nodded his approval. 

“I’m going to get him,” Wen Ning announced. “He’s _actually_ going to be angry if he misses you dancing.” 

Zixuan passed him his car keys.

“Are you nervous,” Yanli asked. 

“No,” he said honestly. 

Jiang Cheng glanced around, “Really? There’s kind of a lot of people here,” he pointed out. 

Wen Qing hit his knee, “Shut up.”

Wuxian shrugged. There was. End of the year performances always were, according to what Xingchen told him. They were free for students to attend. So naturally, most did to support their friends. 

Jin Ling turned around from where he and the rest of the freshmen four sat in front of the juniors. “If Wen Ning can leave, can I?”

Zixuan and Jiang Cheng both reached out to smack the back of his head.

“Don’t ask that with Wuxian right there,” Jingyi hissed.

Yanli raised her voice, “Be nice to him!” She leaned forward and patted the top of Jin Ling’s head and answered his question, “No.”

Wuxian stuck his tongue out at Jin Ling. 

“Are you sitting out here with us,” Sizhui asked with a smile. 

“Yeah, I’m towards the end anyways,” Wuxian twirled his flute absentmindedly. 

“I thought you were dancing,” Zizhen motioned to the flute. 

“I am.”

“Then-”

Wuxian held his finger to his lips as the lights dimmed. “It’s starting,” he pointed to the stage.


	135. And For My Final Performance--

wen ning best boy 

zizhen narrates wuxians performance 

dance/vibe reference [here](https://t.co/kno9xMg1xx?amp=1)

song on actual playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/track/55G4Der9QqteKU713FRgBM?si=24be603fea0446c2)

  
  


yanli thinks wuxian couldve made a career out this 

how wuxian wrangled up creatives 

what? like it’s hard to convince ppl outside your field to help with ur project? 

your career doesn’t have to be in the arts for you to be a creative 

“Incredible,” Xingchen praised Wuxian for the fifth time.

He beamed, “Thank you!”

Xichen was quite impressed, “I understand why you needed to extend your independent study… I read what you have so far as well; you’re putting a lot into this, Wuxian.”

“A little overzealous,” Wuxian admitted. “But it’s fun,” he shrugged. 

The lights began to dim again. Intermission was over.

“We’ll talk later,” Xingchen said to Wuxian. “Especially about your schedule next year.”

Wangji had been in the audience for Wuxian’s performance and he was truly blown away. Wuxian kept saying he couldn’t tell him what he was planning, and now he knew why. 

Not knowing made it five times better than if he knew what to expect. 

He wasn’t sure if Wuxian was going to stick around, but he hoped that he would. 

He hoped Wuxian still wanted to hear one of the songs he had been working on all semester. 

One the songs he had worked on through his budding relationship with Wuxian. 

Wuxian stayed. 

Of course he did.

He wanted to see Wangji on stage. 

He was a _prodigy_ after all. 

Wuxian never paid attention to that kind of stuff when he was younger. It just seemed like something the adults would talk about.

Why would he want to listen to everyone gush about someone who was successful at such a young age; at his age?

A kid who was doing something that Wuxian _wished_ he could do. 

He wished he had been able to focus on music more when he was younger. 

And he wished he had paid attention. Especially knowing now that had he also paid attention to clan business, he could have had the opportunity to run across Wangji much earlier on in life. 

There were so many instances where Wuxian could have paid attention. Could have tagged along. Could have talked to Wangji so much sooner.

Maybe Wangji would have wanted to play music with him back then.

Wuxian had heard his music before. He had watched him play. 

But this was different. 

Wangji was in front of a crowd. 

He wasn’t just here to play. He was here to perform. 

Something he hadn’t done in a couple years. Nearly every seat had been filled for the end of the year performance. There was always a big turn out, but never quite _this_ big. For once the number of nonstudents matched those supporting their friends and classmates.

Mianmian, who had shown up just minutes before Wuxian’s dance, leaned in and whispered, “Wangji played his senior showcase here before he came to UCR. Some benefactor paid for his entire tuition that night.”

“He has a four and a half minute time slot to impress me,” Jiang Cheng joked. Sizhui turned around and shushed him. Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened comically. Wen Qing nudged him and pointed towards the stage. 

A single unmoving spotlight. 

Wangji sat behind the guzheng and held his hands over the strings. 

Wangji glanced up; any hushed discussions immediately fell silent. 

**[the song wangji plays/reference video[here](https://t.co/axlwNf2mdc?amp=1)]**

He was a million times more intimidating on stage than he was playing a song for Wuxian in the music room.

Those moments were carefree. 

But this moment?

Wangji was in his element, to say the least. 

It was kind of like time stopped. Not in the sense that everything froze, but that. It just simply ceased to exist. 

There was only the song, and whatever it made you feel. 

That’s all there was in the space. 

It was complex in the way it fed into your emotions. 

Your understanding of it changed throughout the piece.

But by the end?

Wuxian smiled. 

He didn’t clap with the audience. He just smiled. 

He hoped he’d be able to catch a glimpse of Wangji by the end of the night. To at least tell him what he thought of the piece. 

He hoped that was okay.

But by the time the entire showcase was over, Wuxian didn’t see him anywhere. Not even Xichen.

“You’re lying,” Wen Qing stared at Jin Ling. “An _action_ sequence?”

“Like a movie or something,” Jin Ling countered. “It kind of feels like it’d play over some journey montage or whatever.”

Jiang Cheng stared at him in disbelief. “A journey montage…”

“Do you hear this kid,” Wen Qing scoffed.

“Huh,” Wuxian turned his focus back to his friends. It seemed like Wangji may have already left. 

“Well,” Wen Ning looked up in thought. “I guess. I was kind of feeling it was more like reminiscing about something.”

“What are they talking about,” Wuxian muttered.

“Wangji’s song,” Yanli replied. 

“I thought it was sad,” Zizhen admitted.

“It _was_ kind of heartbreaking wasn’t it,” Jingyi added. 

Sizhui frowned, “Are you guys okay,” he asked seriously. 

“I wouldn’t say it was heartbreaking,” Yanli said. “I think it was quite hopeful.”

“Heartbreakingly hopeful,” Huaisang said. 

“So... sad,” Zizhen concluded. “You think it’s sad.”

Wuxian pressed his lips together and watched his friends argue. 

It wasn’t that he thought they were wrong. It’s like Huaisang said in their class once. Every interpretation of the piece makes it what it is. There really was no right or wrong way to interpret it.

Mianmian looked up at Wuxian curiously. “What about you?”

“Me?”

“What do you think?”

“It felt like discovering a new part of yourself,” he replied. 

Zixuan added slowly, “Like seeing something for the first time, even though it was always there?”

“Or someone.”

Mianmian nodded, “And that the answers you didn’t even know to ask for are just… answered?”

Zixuan and Wuxian glanced at her curiously. “Yeah...”

back to reality 

  


Jin Ling walked in as Sizhui dropped a bunch of pillows on the floor. “What are you guys doing?”

“We are watching one more movie before we pack up the laptops,” he told him. 

“On the floor?” He eyed all the blankets piled up. 

“Yup,” Sizhui smiled. 

Zizhen and Jingyi walked in behind him, each with a bag of food that they went to pick up after the performance. 

“Y’know,” Zizhen kicked the door shut behind him. “I really thought you weren’t going to come since you’re leaving so early in the morning.”

“If it wasn’t our last night on campus, I would definitely bail on you guys,” Jin Ling deadpanned as he got down on the floor.

“Awuh,” Jingyi held his hand to his chest, “He actually likes us-”

Jin Ling grabbed a pillow and whacked Jingyi’s legs with it. Jingyi tried and failed to dodge out of the way. “I tolerate you. Don’t get it confused.”

He cackled to himself and handed the bag to Sizhui.

Zizhen narrowed his eyes, “If you just tolerate us, then why did you agree to live in a townhouse with us next semester?”

“Lapse in judgement.”

HE SAID “i’m a man” 

  


  



	136. Without a Word

Wangji and Xichen followed each other home immediately after Wangji’s performance. They didn’t wait for the showcase to end. 

They were quick to pull out everything they were taking with them and tetris it into Xichen’s car. 

As far as they knew they weren’t stepping foot into the house ever again. 

Wangji couldn’t take everything, but he took as much as was reasonable to take, and a few things for his sanity. 

He waited for everything else to be loaded in before carefully putting his guqin in the backseat. It’s the only instrument of his that he cared enough to take with him.

Wangji checked the time on Xichen’s phone before going back in the house. “ _ Xichen _ ,” he called. “We need to go,” he did a quick sweep before going to get Twizzy.

Xichen felt like he was doing something terribly wrong when he opened the door to his uncle’s study and walked in. 

He sat at the desk and pretended to be Lan Qiren. 

Where would he hide the key?

It must be on the desk, right? There really was nowhere else to hide it.

Surely he wouldn’t have the key anywhere but in this room.

Wangji stepped into the doorway, holding Twizzy, “What are you doing? We need to go. Now.”

“I want Dad’s books. I don’t know where the key is,” he moved things around haphazardly. 

Wangji walked in and handed Twizzy to Xichen. 

Xichen straightened Twizzy’s little traveling sweater. He neatly rolled the leash attached to it as Wangji pulled open a drawer and dumped the contents out.

“Wh-”

“I saw him messing around with this drawer one night. After he got that bookcase,” Wangji stuck his finger into a small cut out and pulled it up. “Snuck in a few nights later and found the key,” he lifted it up and passed it to Xichen. 

“Did you read his journals,” Xichen pushed away from the desk as Wangji messily dumped everything back into the drawer.

“Only the oldest one,” Wangji replied. “Uncle woke up in the middle of the night. I hid behind the armchair,” he took Twizzy back. “He stayed in here for twenty minutes talking on the phone with someone.  _ Never  _ tried that again. It was terrifying.”

Xichen piled the notebooks in his arms. Wangji held out his free arm to hold a few. He took them and his rabbit to the car while Xichen made two different trips to make sure he took all of his father’s life journals. 

Wangji looked up from Xichen’s phone, “Mianmian just left campus.”

Lan Qiren was on his way home. 

“Hold on,” Xichen ran back in while Wangji started the car. 

Wangji closed his eyes, trying to not imagine how they’d explain themselves if they didn’t drive away in time. 

Twizzy crawled onto Wangji’s hand. He pulled the rabbit close and inhaled slowly to try and stay calm. 

Xichen ran out with the rest of the journals; far more than what should’ve been left. Wangji didn’t care to ask, he just wanted to leave.

He tossed them on the ground behind his seat and got behind the wheel. He buckled himself as he pulled out without a word.

Xichen drove in the opposite direction. He was going to take the back roads out of Cloud Recesses so they wouldn’t risk driving by each other. 

Wangji looked down at Xichen’s phone as it pinged in his hand. 

He felt sick. “It’s Uncle.”

“Turn it off.”

Wangji watched another text come in.

“Turn off my phone Wangji.”

lan qiren has no idea

Lan Qiren walked to the house and put his keys beside Wangji’s on the counter. Xichen wasn’t parked outside but Wangji clearly came home already. “Wangji,” he called. 

He had to tell him about the direct deposit since he was without his phone. He’d been on campus all day and likely didn’t bother looking online; why would he? It was a direct deposit, he had no reason to think it wouldn’t go through. 

“Wangji?”

He paused seeing how dark it was inside the room; Wangji didn’t sleep with his door open, so it was unlikely that he was asleep. 

He rerouted to check Twizzy’s room.

No Wangji, and more surprisingly, no Twizzy. “...  _ Wangji _ ,” he called again. 

No reply. 

Maybe he was sitting out back?

Taking a walk maybe?

Lan Qiren went to his study to charge his laptop. He was exhausted but would wait until Wangji came back inside before going to bed. 

He needed to talk to Wangji about his schedule now that he was done with school. With school off his plate he could properly carry out his consequences.

He didn’t notice that the glass door to the bookshelf wasn’t fully closed; he had only turned on the desk lamp instead of the overhead. He didn’t intend on staying in the study for more than a minute.

The highlighter left in the middle of his desk was a surprise to him though. 

He usually tidied up before he left his study. 

He frowned and opened the side drawer to put it where it belonged. 

It didn’t take long for his brain to process the destruction of the drawer. 

He didn’t bother checking to see if the key was still there, he just went straight to the bookcase to see the middle shelf cleared out. He bent down and opened the bottom cabinet to find the rest of the journals were gone. 

“... Xichen…” He always caught his oldest nephew peering at the books whenever he was in the study waiting for something. 

He rushed to Xichen’s room; electronics gone, an empty closet, a good handful of his favorite books, gone.

Wangji’s room was no different. The childish plush bunny on his bed was gone, his clothes gone, his guqin gone. 

They were gone.

They left Cloud Recesses for GCR. 

For the time being anyways. 


	137. Temporarily Moving In

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// abuse mentioned

Xichen knew Mingjue was awake. 

He was waiting for Xichen to get there. 

It didn’t make him any less anxious when he knocked on the door. 

He had set most of his things just outside the door. The books and the lesser important things stayed in the car for now. 

Mingjue opened the door, immediately bringing everything in; Xichen walked in and emptied his arms before turning to Mingjue. He tried to appear as normal as possible. “Sorry I’m later than I said.”

“That’s okay,” Mingjue shrugged.

Everything was catching up to him.

“I just didn’t want to leave Wangji,” he explained.

Mingjue looked up from the last bag he set down.

Wangji had started to cry at Mianmian’s from how overwhelming it was. From keeping their plan quiet and continuing around his Uncle like he actually understood why he was hit. Why he was screamed at. Why he was monitored so closely. Why his feelings weren’t okay. 

Pretending to understand was hard enough. 

But the actual leaving? The crushing anxiety. The fear. 

Wangji had started to cry. 

Xichen absolutely refused to leave him. This is why he didn’t want to split up to begin with. 

So he stayed. For a  _ long _ time until Wangji had stopped crying. Until Wangji had eaten. Until Wangji had gotten ready for bed. Until Wangji literally asked him to go. 

Xichen’s eyes watered, “I felt bad.”

“Xichen-” 

“He didn’t want to stay here,” Xichen said through tears.

Huaisang slipped out from under the blanket he had just draped over himself just minutes earlier. He had planned on staying in his room for the remainder of the night so Xichen wouldn’t feel awkward moving in. 

That plan was out the window the moment he heard him crying.

He padded out towards the front of the house quietly. 

Mingjue pulled Xichen into a hug. 

“He didn’t want to stay with me,” he cried into Mingjue’s shoulder.

He rubbed Xichen’s back. 

Huaisang’s eyes met Mingjue’s briefly as he started grabbing Xichen’s things to bring into the spare room. 

There had always been a bed in the room even when Huaisang had transformed it into a sewing room; neither of them could be bothered to put in the effort of getting rid of it. 

Huaisang had spent the previous day making the room feel homey. He made the bed, swapped out the vanity in his own room for his work table. He cleared out the closet that held some finished pieces so Xichen would have room to hang up his clothes if he wanted. 

Huaisang placed Xichen’s clothes just outside the closet, his bag of electronics beside the vanity. 

Huaisang quietly returned to the kitchen to get Xichen a glass of water and leave it beside the bed; he couldn’t hear, nor was he trying to listen to what Mingjue was saying to Xichen. He didn’t want to pry. Not with this. Not when Xichen was clearly hurting.

Mingjue’s phone started vibrating on the counter next to Huaisang. 

Huaisang looked down. He held the phone up and mouthed Lan Qiren’s name. 

Mingjue motioned for him to answer it and turned his attention back to Xichen. 

“Hello, this is Mingjue’s personal assistant, Nie Huaisang,” he answered in his most chipper voice. 

“Hello Huaisang,” Lan Qiren replied in a strained voice. “Can you please put Mingjue on?”

“I think he might’ve gone on his night run-”

“-I need to speak with him, can you check if he is there?”

“Sure, sure,” Huaisang leaned against the counter and hummed. “I’m… Not seeing him…” He scoffed, “He always leaves his phone laying around.”

Mingjue shot him a look. 

“Hold on, let me see if he’s in the bathroom,” Huaisang paused. 

Huaisang and Mingjue switched. 

Mingjue took the phone and walked in the opposite direction of Xichen. 

“Hello?”

“Sorry to call so late,” Lan Qiren sounded strained. “I was looking for Xichen and was wondering if you had seen him. I need to speak to him. Immediately.”

“I believe he was going to that year-end performance,” Mingjue tried.

“I just came home from the school. He wasn’t there.”

“Ah, sorry,” Mingjue said. “I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

“Did he say anything about where he was going tonight?”

“It was just in passing. Is something wrong?”

“Just can’t get a hold of him.”

“Sorry I couldn’t be of more help. I’m sure he’s fine though. Probably got talking to someone in the parking lot. You know how he is,” he chuckled.

They couldn’t hear Mingjue in the other room. It was for the best. Xichen figured it was his uncle calling, but confirming that would have just made him feel worse for putting Mingjue in this position.

“Sorry,” Xichen mumbled and wiped his eyes. “Long week,” he laughed bitterly.

Huaisang took his hand and smiled softly up at him. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. All we can do is try our best, right?”

“Mn,” Xichen nodded. 

“I put everything in your room. If you want to take a shower tonight just let me know and I can show you where the towels are and how to work the handles and all that nonsense. I don’t know about you but I hate trying to operate a shower for the first time-”

Xichen let Huaisang ramble. It was brain numbing. In a good way. It redirected his thoughts.

“Eat anything you want, whenever you want. We are always stocked with  _ everything _ ; you want it, we got it. Mingjue eats a lot. Let us know if we run out of fruit though. We always run out of fruit. I guess we’re not always stocked with  _ everything _ ,” he muttered.

Xichen nodded and watched his friend’s little brother move around the kitchen. 

Huaisang picked up a set of keys and held it out to him. “Oh! For you. So you can do whatever you have to do. No need to work your schedule around ours. Not that I go anywhere far.”

“Mn. I probably won’t either. I usually come here.”

“You’re going to save a lot of gas money.”

Mingjue shuffled back in and pointed to Huaisang, “Key?”

“Already given,” Huaisang beamed. “Oh,” he gasped. “We have  _ rules _ ,” he emphasized and rolled his eyes. 

“He doesn’t need to know the rules,” Mingjue waved his hand. 

“I have keys now; I think I do,” Xichen replied, wiping his eyes again. 

“Don’t encourage him-”

“- _ Encourage me _ ,” Huaisang interrupted. 

Xichen waved at Huaisang to continue, “What are the rules?” 

Mingjue sighed.

“A warning text if a boy,  _ or a girl _ ,” he amended the rules; Xichen and Mingjue glanced at each other, “Is coming over, or staying the night,  _ wink wink _ -”

“ _ Huaisang _ -” 

Xichen chuckled. 

Huaisang pretended he didn’t hear his brother, “ _ In case _ someone comes home, y’know?”

“Understandable,” Xichen replied though this was not something he had to worry about.

“If someone is already home, well,” he looked at the two of them very seriously, “Let’s be courteous boys.”

Mingjue rolled his eyes.

Xichen bit back a smile, “Of course.”

“If someone asks you to be quieter, you have to. TV, music-”

“Or talking,” Mingjue muttered. 

Huaisang sighed, “Within reason.”

“And if he loses the key,” Mingjue asked. 

“ _ Oh _ , right. If you lose the house key, and you come home at night, you  _ cannot _ knock on any windows or doors. Text or call only. If no one answers then please sleep in your car. Mingjue gets scared. There are no spares hidden outside. Wuxian stole that one.”

“I think it was Wen Ning,” Mingjue replied. 

“It was Wuxian,” Huaisang corrected.

“No ghost stories at night,” Mingjue continued telling their house rules. “It spooks the small one.”

“Sure does,” Huaisang confirmed. “... I think that’s all of them.”

“And if I break any of these,” Xichen asked. 

“Well then you just suck,” Huaisang shrugged. 

Xichen laughed. 

Coming here was a good decision. 

He just wished Wangji went with him. 

Wangji wasn’t upset with Xichen for telling Mingjue the mess that had happened back home. Not anymore. He wasn’t even upset with Xichen for wanting to stay with Mingjue. 

Staying with Mingjue was something that would help him. And if it was Wangji’s only option, it would eventually be good for him too. 

But the Nies weren’t what he needed. 

He needed quiet. 

Quiet. And time alone.

He couldn’t get that at Zixuan’s and Wen Ning’s either. Not really. 

But he could at Mianmian’s.

He didn’t tell Mianmian much though. He had just pulled her aside and asked if he could stay with her for a little while. 

Not long, just a while. 

“Uncle is just… Xichen and I are leaving,” is all he said. 

Mianmian knew what he was like. It’s why she refused to go to their house anymore. The same way she refused to return to Carp Tower. The same reason she  _ refused _ to ever speak to Madam Yu ever again. 

So, no questions asked, her couch was always open for her friends. Always. 

Wangji held his plushie close to his chest. He didn’t need it to sleep; it was strictly for comfort. “Sorry I have so much stuff.”

Maybe being split up from Xichen would be okay. 

Maybe they could pretend they were visiting their friends for a little while. They could pretend they didn’t just leave the only home they had ever known.

“It’s not a lot,” she reached over the little gate they had put up for Twizzy and stroked his ear. “My apartment is just tiny.”

“I’m also sorry that you’ll have to drive me to the library on Tuesday. I’d rather quit in person.”

“Wangji, it’s okay. Really.” He had been apologizing nonstop since Xichen left. “I still have to be on campus myself.”

“Right. Sorry.”

After Xichen had left, they talked for a little bit. Nothing too specific. But just some talk over tea. And then they sketched floor plans. 

They were going to organize his things in the apartment the following day, move furniture around, and try to decide on a layout of the apartment. 

They were a little excited for it after drawing for a while. 

It was good for Wangji. To think about something removed from his uncle. To plan something. To change something.

“Promise me you’ll sleep in?”

“I promise.”

“We’ll make a big breakfast, and then we’ll really hole ourselves in and do some reorganizing,” she shimmied her shoulders. 

“Okay,” Wangji held onto the plushie tighter. “Can I borrow your phone to call Xichen tomorrow morning?”

“Of course.” Mianmian patted his head. “Goodnight, Wangji! Love you.”

“Love you too.”


	138. What Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// car crash, parent death, injuries mentioned, hospitals

Frankly it was a surprise he was even at Huaisang’s house right now with the amount of work he had to do. 

But Zixuan needed somewhere to focus on his summer coursework. 

Somewhere where he wouldn’t fall asleep _or_ get interrupted.

Wen Ning and Huaisang kept him up to date on the happenings in their friend group, otherwise he would know nothing at all. Summer was really only just starting but he felt like it had been _weeks_ already.

He wouldn’t have known that Wangji was still avoiding Wuxian without their updates. 

He wouldn’t have known how upset Wuxian truly was. His texts with Wuxian would have never told him that. And social media wasn’t a thing for him right now, so it’s not like he saw a change there either. 

He was just completely removed from his friends' lives. 

Again. Every summer.

And this was supposed to be his last summer. 

His last summer before he was far too busy to spend time with them anymore.

Was it always going to be like this? 

He asked Huaisang one night, if he had to change how he was with his friends, especially those close to other clan leaders. 

He didn’t have to specify that that meant Huaisang too.

Huaisang had tucked Zixuan’s hair behind his ear sadly, “I’ve always been told that clan leaders don’t have friends. They have business partners. Friendship comes last.”

He heard his dad say the same to him once. 

Why did it have to be like that? Why would he ever want that?

Mingjue walked in, Lan Xichen following behind him. “It was awful,” he chuckled.

“It sounds painfully awkward,” Xichen replied. 

Zixuan looked up from his textbook from where he sat at the kitchen island. 

Mingjue and Xichen were friends though. He couldn’t imagine them _not_ being friends when they took over. 

Mingjue slowed to a stop, “What are you doing here? I didn’t see your car.”

“Wen Ning needed it to get to work.”

“Okay,” Mingjue said slowly. “So where’s Huaisang?”

“Uh,” Zixuan glanced around the space. “I don’t know? I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“...”

“Maybe he’s taking a nap?”

“Sometimes naps are incredibly needed,” Xichen added in happily. 

He never got to take naps when he lived with his uncle, but he’s taken two or three since moving into the Nie household.

“I,” Zixuan chuckled, “Yes. They are.”

“How are you,” Xichen asked, placing the books down carefully. He had put off bringing these inside for long enough. “I imagine your father is keeping you busy?”

“Bit of an understatement,” Zixuan said. “But it’s fine.”

Xichen understood that well. His uncle kept him busy the last several years to ‘prepare him’. Not that the transition ever happened. 

“If you ever-”

All three of their phones went off at the same time. Twice.

They looked at each other in confusion as they reached for their cellphones. “That was weird,” Xichen stated before he saw the alerts. 

Another notification popped up on their individual screens as they read the updates.

Huaisang came padding into the kitchen from his bedroom, looking down at his phone, “Hey guys?” He looked up. 

The three looked at Huaisang, stunned. 

zixuan’s phone. 

“I’ll just wait until you get home,” Wen Qing said. 

“ _No_ ,” Yanli pushed her towards the door. “Go start painting! I’ll be home in a few hours.”

Wen Qing pouted, “But-”

“At _least_ finish the kitchen,” Yanli urged her. 

Wen Qing sighed, “ _Fine_ ,” she rolled her eyes.

“Bye, love you,” Yanli kissed her cheek. 

“You sure you don’t want me to just run the deposit now-”

“ _Go_ ,” Wen Ning called from the counter. 

Wen Qing frowned but gave Yanli a quick kiss. “Fine.”

“I’ll pick something up for dinner,” Yanli called after her. 

Yanli turned around with a smile and practically skipped up to Wen Ning. 

He took a bite of his apple, “What room are you painting?”

“All of them,” she replied. 

“ _Really_?”

“It’s going to be a whole new apartment next time you come by,” Yanli beamed. “Finally got all my things out of boxes and put away and then we decided to redo _everything_ . But first; the walls. I want the _whole_ thing painted before my dad comes to visit!”

“Sounds exciting,” Wen Ning said. “What color scheme are you aiming for-”

“We-” Yanli’s phone rang out loudly. She smiled, “Hi A-Cheng! What’s up?” She listened carefully. Her face was blank. “...What?... Are you sure?...”

Wen Ning waved his hand to get her attention. “What,” he whispered.

Yanli shook her head in disbelief and handed the phone to Wen Ning.

Wen Ning took the phone though he didn’t know why it was being handed to him. He watched Yanli pace. “Jiang Cheng?”

talk to me 

  


wen ning is bringing them home 

the yunmeng trio find out about their dad through the media 

  
  


“Family only,” the man stated to the three siblings.

“We’re family,” Yanli said. “Jiang.”

He knew exactly who they were. He’d be stupid to not know the Jiang famiy when he grew up in Yunmeng himself. “He’s not,” he motioned to Wuxian. 

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Jiang Cheng stepped forward. His eyes were red from the silent tears on the car ride back to Yunmeng. “He’s our brother. He’s coming in. Tell us the room number.”

The man glanced between their faces. Jiang Cheng’s angry staredown, to Wuxian’s pleading eyes, to Yanli’s heartbroken expression. Yanli grabbed Wuxian’s hand. She wasn’t leaving him behind. 

He sighed, “Room 23.”

Yanli led the way, her brothers following quickly but quietly.

They didn’t know what to expect walking into the hospital room.

But this wasn’t it. 

Wuxian spoke to the doctor while his siblings held their mother’s hands. 

To be honest though. He didn’t hear much. Just that she already underwent surgery. Something about internal bleeding. Something about stabilizing her. Monitoring her closely. He really wasn’t sure.

He didn’t know. He was just going through the motions of what he thought he was supposed to be doing.

“A-and Fengmian,” Wuxian asked slowly. 

The doctor blinked. “Oh. Dear, I’m sorry but-”

“No-” Wuxian stopped her. “No, I know he’s dead. We’ve been told. Several times. He’s dead,” he said through gritted teeth. “Just… Now what? What do we do now?”


	139. Out Of This Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// car crash, parent death, injuries mentioned, hospitals, homophobia, abuse implied

wen qing is going to yunmeng 

  


freshman four working out details 

  
  


stay off twitter 

  


Eventually Ziyuan was moved to a new hospital room. She was in and out of sleep. Long enough to process where she was. What happened.

Her children always had _just_ missed her being awake; getting something to eat usually. 

In time she was awake long enough to see her children. Not Wuxian though. Just Jiang Cheng and Yanli. He felt awful that he kept missing when she was awake. 

Ziyuan was in rough shape and would likely need another surgery. But she was staying awake longer each time which was something good. 

This time, Yanli stayed with Jiang Cheng while Wen Qing and Wuxian left to grab something for all of them. 

Yanli had her eyes closed for some rest; Jiang Cheng was reading through his texts with his father. 

Ziyuan didn’t say anything at first. She was tired of talking. She was tired of being here. She was tired.

And angry. 

Furious. At everything.

She didn’t say anything when Wuxian and Wen Qing walked in. No one even looked at her lying there. They assumed she was still asleep. They stopped checking long ago. She’d wake up when she’d wake up. There was no schedule.

Wuxian put a bag down in front of Jiang Cheng and sat down with a tired sigh. 

“I need to call Sizhui,” Wen Qing handed Yanli a hot cup of tea and a bag of food. “I’ll be right back,” she kissed her cheek and quickly ducked out. 

“What is she doing here,” Ziyuan muttered; throat sore.

The trio looked up in surprise before Yanli and Jiang Cheng rushed to her bedside like they did every time. Like every word she spoke was some sort of miracle.

Wuxian pushed himself up slowly. He could hear it in her voice even if his siblings couldn’t. She was upset. Mad. Disgusted.

“Mama,” Yanli brushed her hair back. She smiled brightly, “You’re awake! How are you feeling?”

Jiang Cheng held onto her hand carefully, “Do you need anything? Let me go get your nurse for y-” he stood.

“What is she doing here,” she repeated. She had no idea that Wen Qing was hanging around.

Yanli glanced over her shoulder. “W-Wen Qing?”

“I don’t want her here-”

“What?”

“She can leave-”

“-Madam Yu,” Wuxian interrupted cautiously. She glared at him until he sat back quietly.

“What are you _thinking_ ,” she criticized.

“What? Mama, I-”

“People are watching you now,” she gritted her teeth. “Now more than _ever_. Do you care at all about the field day the press is going to have with you bringing her here?”

Yanli sat back. “I… I don’t care about headlines? I am here with my family. _She_ is my family too. I don’t care what people think.”

“You should. This is going to tarnish your image.” Her eyes watered, but her expression remained hard, “Your father wanted so much better for you.”

“Mama,” Yanli reached for her hand.

Ziyuan pulled her hand back in anger; wincing at the motion. Jiang Cheng tried to calm her down but she only pulled back from him too, causing herself more pain. “ _Don’t_ touch me-”

Wen Qing walked in only to be met with four pairs of eyes turning towards her. 

“ _Get out_ ,” Ziyuan said through her teeth.

Yanli wiped her eyes and met Wen Qing in the doorway. 

“What’s wrong,” Wen Qing whispered. 

Yanli shook her head. “Nothing,” she cupped her face. “Can you just stay in the waiting room for a minute?”

Wen Qing frowned at the tears in Yanli’s eyes. 

“Please?”

“Sure,” Wen Qing nodded. 

Yanli closed the door quietly behind her and turned back to the room.

Ziyuan refused to look at her daughter. 

“Mama you _knew_ I was dating her,” Yanli said. “I will not ask her to leave. She is here for _me_ . I _need_ her here, mama.”

“You can get out too.”

The brothers objected at once. 

“You’re kicking me out,” Yanli stated quietly. 

“No daughter of mine, would ruin the life I set up for you. That your _father_ set up for you! You threw it away-”

“ _Enough_ -” Wuxian shouted over her as a teary eyed Yanli quietly excused herself from the room. “Don’t yell at her! She didn’t do anything wrong.”

Ziyuan scoffed. “She could have led an extravagant life at Carp Tower. She wouldn’t have just been a _wife_ . She would have had a voice. And well off. She would have been _respected_ ; a-”

“She doesn’t need to live at Carp Tower to be successful, _or_ to have respect. The reputation she has, she built herself, not because of you, or Fengmian-”

“Don’t. Do _not_ speak about him. He never should’ve brought you home. You caused so much more trouble for us. You were a _horrible_ influence on my children. I want you out. Out of this room. Out of my home. Out of this family. _You ruined everything_!”

Wuxian rolled his eyes and stood up. Of course she saw it that way. She has, and always will see it that way. She’s told him enough times. 

The moment he came into the family. Fengmian and Ziyuan struggled to ever remain on the same page about anything. 

How to raise their children. What was okay, what wasn’t. 

Whether to kick Wuxian out when he came out as bi one dinner; a dinner thrown into chaos. 

How hard should they push Jiang Cheng? Whether they should keep Wuxian and Jiang Cheng a part. How to toughen Yanli up, if she even needed to be. 

Which school to send Wuxian to. Whether Wuxian should be allowed to pursue music. 

Demanding more from Jiang Cheng; challenging him. 

Whether they should force Yanli to get married to Zixuan; and then whether to force her to marry a man when Zixuan stepped away from tradition. 

The _moment_ Wuxian walked into their house, Ziyuan lost trust in Fengmian. How could he bring home the child of his ex-lover without ever discussing it with her? Unless, of course, Wuxian was his. 

They fought about it _constantly_. Everything always came back to this. 

Yelling about Wuxian’s owed money to them was the last thing she remembered before their car was hit.

The last time she spoke to her husband, she was screaming at him for suggesting that they give Wuxian a break in paying them back.

Fengmian and Wuxian had spoken on the phone earlier that week, and Wuxian was honest with him. He told Fengmian that he was struggling to pay for school, his portion of rent and bills, and them. 

Of course, he didn’t tell him that he didn’t need to stay “enrolled” at UCR. He could simply stop going, and stop paying Jingyi back for the risk of it all. 

But he also knew how _thrilled_ Fengmian was that he was back at school. He didn’t want to face his disappointment or concern again. He just wanted him to say he was proud of him one day. 

Wuxian had assured him it was okay; that he’d figure it out. 

But Fengmian insisted they ask less from him. Ziyuan absolutely did not agree with that decision. Wuxian took so much from them already. The least he could do was pay back their money. 

“You’d never treat Jiang Cheng like this,” Fengmian had defended his choice. 

“He is our _son_!”

“So is Wuxian,” Fengmian had countered. 

“He is _your_ son, not mine,” Ziyuan had corrected. 

“ _Exactly_ ,” he had snapped. “He’s my son! Okay? He is my son. Not Changze’s, _mine._ ”

Ziyuan had scoffed. All these years, and _now_ he finally said the words? “Are you fucking kidding me…” She had laughed bitterly. She always wanted him to just say it. She felt no closure, no triumph… Just bitterness and outrage in the truth. 

“My son, my money, my decision!”

“ _Fuck you_.”

“My son. My money. My decision.”

“Okay; _your son_ , I get it. But it’s _our_ money, and if you think I’m going to let you give that-”

“ _No_ , my money,” he stopped her. “It’s _my_ money, not yours. I’m not doing this Ziyuan. I’m done. You don’t get a say in Wuxian anymore.”

“Excuse me? I get a say when you push our son, our actual family, aside for him-”

-“Yeah, whatever,” Wuxian said, grabbing his things from the corner of the hospital room. 

Ziyuan gasped in pain, trying to sit up; she blinked back her frustrated tears, “I _never_ want to see you again!”

“Yeah, you won’t have to,” Wuxian walked out, without sparing her a glance. 

“ _Wuxian wait_ ,” Jiang Cheng called while his mother settled back into the pillows, clutching her side.

Wuxian walked up to a nurse. “I think Madam Yu needs something for the pain,” he said dully, leaving the nurse to run off to the room. 

He passed by the waiting room. “Hey,” he crouched down in front of Yanli who had her head in Wen Qing’s lap. “You okay?”

Yanli sniffled, “Did she kick you out too?”

Wuxian let out a bitter laugh, “Yeah. But, uhm,” he brushed back Yanli’s hair. “I’m sure she’ll get over it.”

“She’s just upset,” Yanli agreed sadly.

“Yeah…” Wuxian nodded. “I’m going to head home for a bit.”

“I can bring you back,” Wen Qing offered.

“No,” he stopped her. “No it’s okay. You stay. Let me know if anything happens.”

But nothing significant happened, and as days passed, Wuxian still did not go back to the hospital.

Why would he? He already knew that Madam Yu told the nurse he was _not_ to be allowed in. 

He wouldn’t be surprised if security stopped him from stepping foot on the same floor as her.

He didn’t want to see her anyways.

Wuxian sat at the dock, holding a bottle of liquor. 

Wen Qing walked up and sat beside him, dangling her legs off the side. 

Wuxian was confused, “What are you doing here?”

“Came back,” Wen Qing motioned to the bottle.

He sighed, “I know it’s too early-”

“No,” she stopped him. “Give me it.”

He passed it over and watched her lift the bottle to her lips. He looked back out over the water. “Madam Yu still won’t let her in?”

“Nope.”

Wuxian shook his head in disappointment.

“She didn’t want to stay around today. She said she wanted to take a nap instead. Jiang Cheng is still there though.”

“He’s not going to leave the hospital until she’s released,” Wuxian pointed out.

Jiang Cheng was the only one who was allowed into the hospital room. He never told his siblings that he also got torn to shreds with her words, but he was never kicked out. 

So he never left the hospital. 

He was the only one left to try and support her as she recovered from the accident. He was the only one allowed to talk to the doctor. 

He had to stay so he could update his siblings.

leave them alone 

  


loss is hard enough 

  


lawyers are lining up 

  
  


glimpse at wangxian’s messages. from news of fengmian to ziyuan. 

zixuan to yanli 

huaisang to jiang cheng 


	140. Cry With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW// parent deaths, funerals

freshmen four 

:( 

It was taking everything Jiang Cheng had in him to keep himself together to greet everyone who came to pay respects. 

He refused to let his eyes water at all. 

He knew he was  _ saying _ things to people and that they were saying things to him. But he wasn't sure what he said and he didn’t hear any of it.

And then Sizhui found him when he managed to sneak away from the waves of people on the second day of having to deal with this. He needed to catch his breath. 

“Hi Jiang Cheng.”

“Hi.”

Sizhui handed him a bottle of water. “Do you want me to make sure no one walks over here?”

Jiang Cheng refused to cry. He refused. 

“Yeah,” he managed. 

“Okay,” Sizhui walked back towards the people but stopped just short of immersing himself back into the shuffle. 

Yanli didn’t look up. Not once. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. She’d nod, offer a weak smile, or squeeze an occasional hand or two in thanks. 

She didn’t want to see the people. Seeing the people felt like acknowledging why they were here to begin with. 

She recognized hands, like Mingjue’s, and Huaisang’s smaller, more careful hands, and most definitely Wen Qing’s. 

Yanli held onto her hands tightly. She didn’t want Wen Qing to walk away. She stayed there for several moments too long until Yanli finally let her go. 

Of course Wen Qing stayed close by though.

Yanli recognized voices. Like Jin Ling’s, and a quieter Guangyao’s. 

She heard Madam Jin, but she wasn’t listening. She let the older woman take her into her arms. She let Madam Jin cry on her shoulder. Yanli just closed her eyes and let herself be held by the woman that she once thought would become a second mother to her. Someone so close to her mother.

But she still didn’t look up. 

Until she heard Zixuan’s quiet voice. “Hey.”

Yanli leaned into the hand that cupped her cheek. “Hi.”

And Wuxian?   
  


Well he just wasn’t even paying attention to anything happening. He couldn’t even stay in one spot. He didn’t feel like he belonged here.

He was looking around, roaming around a little aimlessly. Nodding at those who greeted him, but he wasn’t taking anything in. Not even when Mianmian made him just  _ sit _ for a couple minutes.

Until the Lans. 

All the Lans actually. 

They weren’t together. But he accidentally gravitated towards them each at one point.

Unfortunately for him, Lan Qiren was one of them. 

Wuxian only stared at him for a brief moment after he offered his condolences before turning his back to him and rerouting the path he had been walking.

As the Lan Clan Leader, Wuxian knew he had to make an appearance. But god he really wished he stayed away. He never wanted to see his face again.

Then there was Jingyi, who had run up to him from behind. He tapped his shoulder.

Wuxian turned. 

Jingyi cut right to the chase, “Do people hug at these things?” He had never been to a funeral before. Let alone for someone as important as a clan leader. He didn’t know what was okay.

Wuxian shrugged. “I suppose some people do.”

“Has anyone hugged you yet?”

“No.”

“Do you want someone to?”

Wuxian hesitated. He wasn’t sure what he wanted besides going to bed. 

He nodded anyways. 

Jingyi wrapped his arms around him. For longer than Wuxian expected. 

It was nice. 

Until it wasn’t.

The more he relaxed into it, the more he felt himself losing face. 

He pulled back, his lips pressed into a tight line. 

Neither of them said anything. They just turned and left in opposite directions. Wuxian was grateful that he had friends who weren’t going to push him to talk. For the most part they had crossed his path, said their obligatory ‘I’m sorry’, because what else was there to ever say, and left him alone. 

Instead of Sizhui running into him, he ran into Sizhui. He stood a little off to the side, a bit removed from people. 

“Wuxian,” he said in surprise. He hadn’t managed to see him once since he showed up. Wuxian glanced over Sizhui’s shoulder to see someone sitting off in the distance on one of the piers. Sizhui followed his gaze. “... Jiang Cheng.”

“Mn,” Wuxian nodded. “Is he okay?” Well… I mean, no.

“Needed space.”

Wuxian glanced back at the people and nodded. 

“You okay?”

Wuxian shrugged. 

“Do you need space?”

He shrugged again. Did he? He wasn’t sure.

“How about, I give you some space. And you can tell me when you know?”

Wuxian nodded. That seemed fine. Except…

“I can check in every once in a while too…”

“Okay,” Wuxian folded his hands behind his back. That was probably for the best. He didn’t do well when he was given  _ too _ much space. 

They talked for a couple minutes. 

Nothing in particular. Definitely not about what was going on. Mostly about Lotus Root. Sizhui asked questions he knew the answers to, just to give Wuxian time to focus on something else before he inevitably excused himself and walked back into the people. 

He should find Yanli again.

He spotted her, in the same spot. Xichen talking to Wen Qing, Wangji just letting go of Yanli’s hand. 

Wuxian bit his lip but kept walking towards them. 

Another obligatory ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘if there’s anything I can do’ from Xichen. 

It was weird to hear it over and over again. Part of him  _ hated _ it, and was angered by it. But the other part of him was… comforted. 

Not in a way he needed most; he didn’t know what that even was. But it felt comforting to be understood. Other people felt loss. And those people had no idea what the fuck you were supposed to say and do in these moments, despite having gone through it in one way or another themselves. 

Wangji didn’t do that right away though. He didn’t say anything at all at first. He left just enough space for Wuxian to talk instead. 

“So where are you staying?”

“Mianmian’s.”

“Oh… Both of you?”

“Me and Twizzy. Xichen is staying with Mingjue.”

“Ah. Must be nice. To be away from your uncle.”

“Mn,” Wangji nodded. He caught sight of his brother walking up to Huaisang who promptly looped his arm through Xichen’s and pulled him off. “We… Can’t stay long.”

Wuxian nodded. “I’m sure he wants to talk to you both. Looks like he’s trying to talk to Mianmian now,” he motioned behind Wangji. 

He was sure she and Wangji were bound to leave now that Lan Qiren had shown up not long after them. No doubt Lan Qiren was trying to approach them without causing a scene.

He sighed but turned back to Wuxian. “Wei Ying…” Honestly, why the  _ fuck _ couldn’t there be a surefire thing to say to someone after a loss? 

“I know,” he nodded.

“... Are you okay?”

Wuxian thought for a moment. He didn’t want to push Wangji away again but… “You know how you said you’d come to me when you could talk?” Wangji nodded. “Can I come to you this time?"

Wangji nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Bye Wei Ying.”

“Bye Lan Zhan.”

Wuxian watched Wangji walk away, motioning to Mianmian when he managed to catch her attention; he weaved between the people so his uncle wouldn’t catch sight of him. 

He turned to his sister and took her hand. She looked up. “Let’s go sit inside.”

“There’s people,” she reminded him.

“They can talk to each other.”

“... A few minutes.”

“Do you want something to eat?”

She shook her head but let Wuxian lead her away for a moment. 

“Let me get something anyways. Just in case you change your mind.”

“Where’s Jiang Cheng?”

Jiang Cheng didn’t move from where he sat, toes in the water. He was completely losing track of time.

It was only supposed to just be a minute, but minutes and minutes passed, and he just didn’t want to go back. He didn’t have any energy left to engage with anyone the way he was expected to. 

He figured Sizhui was checking on him when he heard someone step onto the dock. 

But Wen Ning sat beside him instead.

Wen Ning held out his hand. 

Jiang Cheng took it without saying a word and looked back at the still water. 

He just needed a minute. 

Or several.

It took Zizhen several minutes to get out of the car. Not all of the Ouyangs came. Meizhen couldn’t bring herself to go. 

Usually Zizhen stayed home for these things too. It wasn’t important that he talk to anyone. It was more important that his father and his oldest sister showed up to these things. 

Lanying pulled Zizhen out of the car. “Let’s go.”

“Right, yeah,” he nodded but didn’t immediately let go of her hand.

“It’s okay, Zizhen,” Baozhai said. 

His father frowned. He had told Zizhen to stay in GCR. But Zizhen  _ insisted _ on coming to this one. He even made his family go out of the way to get him instead of going with his friends.

He thought it was important that he went to this one.

The four of them stayed together at first. And Zizhen felt sick. “Why don’t you go see Jin Ling,” Lanying suggested, pointing to where he stood off to the side with Sizhui and Huaisang.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Zizhen,” Baozhai called before he got too far. “You’re going to be fine. Deep breaths.”

“Deep breaths, deep breaths,” he muttered to himself, beelining towards Jin Ling. 

“Hey Zizhen,” Huaisang said first. 

“Hi.”

Jin Ling eyed him cautiously. He knew how he felt about funerals. About death. “You okay,” he muttered. 

_ Absolutely not _ . “Yeah, fine,” he replied a little too fast.

Wen Ning walked up to them, “Hey,” he nodded to Zizhen. “What time is it,” he asked Sizhui.

Sizhui glanced at his phone, “We have a little over half an hour before our train leaves. Are you still coming back with us, Zizhen?”

“Uhm,” Zizhen glanced over his shoulder to see Baozhai and Xichen talking to each other nearby. “I think I’m going to stay with my family until they leave. I’ll catch a train later.”

“I’ll stay then,” Jin Ling said.

“You don’t have to.”

He shrugged, “I don’t mind. That way you don’t have to ride back alone.”

Probably for the best. Zizhen nodded. 

“I’m going to go start warming up to Lanying now then.”

“I need to go find Wen Qing,” Wen Ning excused himself.

“So,” Zizhen looked between Sizhui and Huaisang. “How are they?”

“Yanli’s not talking,” Sizhui started. “Wuxian is in his own world. Jiang Cheng is over there,” he pointed over his shoulder.

Zizhen looked in the direction that Sizhui pointed. He frowned. “Mn… I’ll be right back,” he moved around them and walked towards Jiang Cheng. 

Huaisang watched Zizhen make his way towards the water. “Y’know,” he said slowly. “I don’t think he remembers but after his mom passed away, I saw him run off away from everything; he needed a break too. I found him sitting alone in the garden.”

Zizhen remembered. 

He remembered what Huaisang said to him when he found him too. 

Zizhen walked up behind Jiang Cheng who was quick to wipe his eyes and stand to greet him. 

He didn’t want to be seen crying. 

They weren’t close. Not like the rest of their friends. 

That didn’t stop Zizhen from repeating the words Huaisang told him 8 years ago. “It’s okay to cry. If you want, I’ll cry with you so you’re not alone.”


	141. -- Summer Is Nearly Over --

time jump. 

It was a long ass summer. Longer than usual. And there was still a month before their senior year started. 

Zixuan was trying to be present for his friends. Trying to take on more at Carp Tower. Trying to keep up with his incredibly overloaded summer course schedule. 

He was fucking exhausted. 

Regrettably, he always dropped trying to keep up with his friends during the summers. He just couldn’t bring himself to this time when half his friends were radio silent and mourning. 

“So, are they not coming home,” Huaisang asked quietly. 

“They are home, Huaisang,” Wen Ning reminded him. 

“But,” Huaisang stopped himself. He didn’t want to argue that fact. He had just always seen their friend group as home too. 

“Let them do what they have to do.”

“Has anyone actually spoken to them recently though,” Huaisang asked. None of them answered calls or texts. Not that they got many from their friends anyways. Their friends didn’t want to bombard them. But what they did send, was left unanswered. 

“Wen Qing,” Zixuan and Wen Ning said at the same time. 

Huaisang hummed sadly, tracing the lines on Zixuan’s hand. “I hate this.”

Wen Qing was the only one really in contact with them. She had waited a month to tell the rest of her friends what Yanli had told her.

They weren’t coming back. 

At least, if they were, no one knew when.

And it wouldn’t be the three of them.

Right now Yanli and Jiang Cheng had stepped up for the clan. But it would have to be Jiang Cheng soon; Yanli and Wuxian couldn’t let him do that alone. 

“Well I feel like shit now. I’m going to bed,” Wen Ning trudged to bed without another word. 

“You should’ve left already,” Huaisang turned to Zixuan. “Are you tired?”

“I am,” Zixuan rolled off the couch. 

“I’ll just have Xichen come pick me up in the morning so you don’t have to go out of the way to drop me off.”

Zixuan rubbed his eyes. “I’m just going to leave for Lanling in the morning,” Zixuan pulled Huaisang to a stand. 

“Oh, okay, I’ll just go home whenever that is then.”

“It’ll be really early,” Zixuan pointed out as Huaisang wrapped his arms around his waist.

“That’s okay. If I’m lucky I’ll wake Xichen up early and he’ll offer to make me breakfast then.” 

“Not sure that’ll happen twice in a row.”

“Probably not,” he sighed. “Hey, he’s friends with Yanli… sort of. Do you think maybe she talked to him? Maybe she told him something she didn’t mention to Wen Qing?” She didn’t. He knew she didn’t. He was reaching. He wanted to see his friends back in GCR. All of them.

It wasn’t possible. He knew that.

The corners of Huaisang’s mouth just slightly angled down. Frankly he wanted to yell. He wanted to help his friends, and he just couldn’t.

He wanted to talk to Wuxian. He just wanted to check in. Just one word from him. 

Any of them. 

Zixuan cupped Huaisang’s cheeks and placed a soft kiss on his pouty lips. “I know you’re worried,” he brushed his thumb against Huaisang’s cheek. “But we can’t do anything to help with this. We just have to support them.”

“I know,” his pout deepened. They didn’t have other family like he and Mingjue had. Someone was staying behind, whether they liked it or not.

Zixuan kissed Huaisang’s forehead, “C’mon, let’s go to bed,” he took his hands, backing down the short hall. “I have to leave in a few hours.”

But Zixuan didn’t get to sleep long. Probably no more than an hour before his phone started ringing. 

Huaisang didn’t even react to the sound; he was too far asleep. 

Zixuan was a bit disoriented as he reached for his phone, but he was used to answering his father’s phone calls in the middle of the night. 

Zixuan caught a glimpse of the name as he answered, “Wuxian?” He rubbed his eyes, “Are you okay?”

“It’s not Wuxian,” he heard Jiang Cheng’s voice instead. 

“Why are you using Wuxian’s phone,” Zixuan pushed himself up so he wouldn’t accidentally fall back asleep; he’s made that mistake with his dad before. 

“It’s a long story,” Jiang Cheng replied. 

Zixuan didn’t need to know that he had thrown his phone into the water when he finally saw all the pictures that were taken of his family; including pictures of the accident. 

“I’m sorry it’s late; I… I didn’t know who else to call.” 

The distress in his voice was clear enough to get Zixuan on his feet and off into the direction of the kitchen. “It’s okay. Is something wrong?”

Jiang Cheng sighed heavily. “I don’t know what to do, Zixuan. I really don’t.”

“Talk to me,” Zixuan pulled out a coffee mug. 

Sleep could wait.

**_To be continued..._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLLOOOOOO!!!!  
> Thanks for reading part 1!  
> Please look forward to Huaixuan's spin off that takes place before/during this same timeline in Flourish
> 
> ... please ALSOOOO look forward to the cuddle puddle's spin off that takes place before/during this same timeline in Sprouts as well!! Once these are up, I will be posting Circles Pt. 2!!!!!
> 
> **all stories are posted on Twitter before updating on here as well!!**
> 
> Thanks so much for reading friends! See you soon!


End file.
